Tantra is an enormous topic with many facets, but I’ve learned over the years that there are a few elements that are easy to understand and are immediately helpful.
Margot Anand, best-selling author of The Art of Everyday Ecstasy, describes the power of Tantra this way, “Truly, at the peak of orgasm, we pierce through the illusion of fragmentation and separation, and glimpse the unity and interconnectedness of all beings. And through the other–our partner–we fall in love with life.”
Tantric sex has a rejuvenating effect. It affects brain chemistry by igniting the endocrine glands for more HGH, serotonin, DHEA, testosterone and oxytocin. (For a more thorough overview of the various brain chemicals at work, please see Chapter Three, BrainGasm: Understanding the Science of Love & Sex). Tantra can also improves sexual health, and
many scientific studies point to physical benefits such as stimulated blood circulation, body detoxification, and strengthened cardiovascular, endocrine, immune and nervous functions.
What Tantra Is
Many people are unclear about what Tantra is and what it is not. Tantra is not a religion, a sexual cult, a new age spiritual philosophy, exhibitionism, swinging or sex therapy. And there are different kinds of Tantra including White Tantra, which directs energy to expand our spiritual awareness (His Holiness the Dalai Lama practices White Tantra), but you can also practice White Tantra while meditating or doing yoga with your partner. Black Tantra is the opposite as it directs energy to manipulate another person sexually. But we are going to focus on Red Tantra, which directs energy between two lovers that include our thoughts, feelings, physical and sexual actions. Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means “to weave energy”, defined by the Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) energy between two partners.
Kundalini Energy
The sexual energy is often referred to as Kundalini energy that is very powerful and can be used:
♥ For a couple to heal a hurt relationship.
♥ For women, Tantra can empower and fulfill their sensual needs.
♥ For men, it can open up a whole new world to intimacy and it can give them the tools to become multi-orgasmic.
♥ For couples, it’s also an opportunity to create a more meaningful and intimate connection.
♥ Mindful loving.
♥ An art.
♥ Sexual enlightenment.
A Brief History of Tantra
About 5,000 years ago, Lord Shiva’s followers developed 112 methods of meditation,
through which one could enter the state of super-consciousness. Some of them included the act of sex. Lord Shiva’s symbol, the Lingam (“the wand of light”) represents the penis and rests in a Yoni (“the sacred place”) that represents the vagina. Very simply explained, the entire path of Tantra is the harmonious union of the masculine and feminine principles in all of us.
Yin and Yang
Like most forces throughout the world, light and dark, hot and cold, wet and dry, positive and negative, there are two essential principles to lovemaking: yin and yang. Yin means feminine and Yang means masculine.
We all have yin and yang attributes and qualities. It would be easy to say that all men are sexual, strong and assertive and all women are sensual, sensitive and submissive, but we know that’s not true. Lots of women are sexual, strong and assertive and many men are
sensual, sensitive and enjoy being submissive. A healthy person has a combination of yin and yang attributes and qualities, and looks for someone to complement them, not complete them.
To experience the full enjoyment of Tantric lovemaking, the male and female forces must be balanced in harmony. For example, deep kissing and tender kissing is a perfect combination of yin and yang.
Let’s face it, if you only kissed your partner tenderly, it would become boring, predictable and lack sexuality. On the other hand, if you only kissed your partner deeply, you would probably have sore lips and get bored with that, too.
“We will make love an art and we will love like artists.”– Marianne Williamson
We don’t always need a big production when it comes to lovemaking, but we do need
to be prepared for Tantric sex. When you and your partner have the right ambience, you
will have a greater opportunity to enjoy a fulfilling and romantic sexual experience.
One of the best ways to set the mood for love is to incorporate all five of your senses in your lovemaking. If you don’t utilize even one of your senses, you deprive yourself of 20%
of the pleasure! That’s why it’s best to prepare something to enhance all five of your senses prior to your lovemaking session.
The Kama Sutra has been a source of great mystery and excitement for lovers seeking sexual adventure. The Kama Sutra is Sanskrit (ancient Hindu language) for Desire Rules and is the earliest and best known Indian sex manual. It was written by an Indian sage, Vatsyayana between the 1st and 4th Centuries AD. Then it was translated into English by the 19th Century British explorer Sir Richard F. Burton in 1876. With each translation, the Kama Sutra’s contents have become more distorted, so I would like to give you the explanation of the original Kama Sutra.
The Kama Sutra is renowned for its creative sexual positions, a total of 64 that Vatsyayana derived from eight ways of making love, multiplied by eight positions.
I was impressed when I found out that the Kama Sutra reveals a total of 40 different ways to kiss your lover, but I was disappointed to discover the Kama Sutra’s distaste (excuse the pun) to oral sex. Vatsyayana wrote, “It should not be done because it is opposed to the moral code.”
The writer may not have been orally inclined, but he was definitely into BDSM because he recommends biting and scratching as ways of improving lovemaking.
There are some interesting flirting and seduction tips in the Kama Sutra for men who want to be irresistible to women; it recommends that he tie the bone of a peacock or a hyena to his right hand.
Problems with male impotency were obviously prevalent during this time because the Karma Sutra offers a unique recipe for male sexual enhancement. Boil sparrows’ eggs in milk and then mix with clarified butter and honey. I’m not sure if you are supposed to swallow it or spread it on the Lingam (Sanskrit word meaning his Wand of Light).
My favorite quote in The Kama Sutra is, Divine Union which means sexual intercourse because for me it conjures up images of two loving people integrated into oneness.
Actually only about 20 per cent of The Kama Sutra is devoted to sex. The remainder is on relationship etiquette with tips on how to arrange your home and how to achieve happiness, kind of Martha Steward Living in Antiquity. It suggests that you should adorn your home with flowers, have a soft bed, and keep a pot for spitting in. Not bad advice even for today!
While no orgasm is better than another, Tantric orgasms tend to be more expansive and last longer, while regular orgasms have a peak, then a quick release.
What Are Tantric Orgasms?
Tantric Orgasms are orgasmic states of bliss that can last much longer than one simple climax. The Tantra sexual experience is a leisurely, meditative, expanded pleasure practice, where the goal is not orgasm specifically (although that’s a bonus) but the sensual journey itself. During Tantric pleasure one focuses on the sensations of the body, and moving sexual energy throughout the body to experience states of spiritual enlightenment, transformation, intimacy, connection and healing (including premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and anorgasmia). It is less about performance and more about pleasure, as well as deep intimate connection.
This could be connection and intimacy with oneself, with a partner, with the divine, or with the universal creation energy itself. In a Tantric orgasm state, the duration of each orgasm is expanded, and one can experience multiple orgasms in a row, like waves. For vulva owners, this can include the release of ejaculate, but in penis owners, the goal is to orgasm without ejaculation.
What is a Regular Orgasm?
Most of us are very familiar with a regular orgasm, as it is the most typical type of orgasm most of us experience. In a regular orgasm, pleasure is focused in the genital area (the penis or clitoris) and ends with a quick, intensely pleasurable climax consisting of 8-10 contractions in the pelvic muscle, about 1 second apart.
“Orgasm typically – but not always – results from rhythmic stimulation of body parts with high concentrations of sensory receptors (Komisaruk & Whipple, 2011)… Although orgasm-producing activities are usually focused on the genitals, orgasm is sometimes achieved by stimulating other body parts, and sometimes even through thought alone.”[i]—Study: What is orgasm? A model of sexual trance and climax via rhythmic entrainment, by Adam Safron, MSc. Journal of Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, Volume 6, 2016 – Issue 1.
Stages of Regular & Tantric Orgasms
Masters and Johnson, the famous sex researchers from the 60s, described 4 stages of orgasm. These include:
Excitement
Plateau
Orgasm
Resolution
Here’s a diagram to illustrate the phases of classical single orgasm (regular orgasm) and multiple or prolonged orgasm (Tantric orgasms).
As you can see, in “regular” orgasms the arousal or excitement phase gradually increases over time with stimulation, climbs to a plateau and then climax. Immediately after orgasm, arousal declines rapidly, especially in penis owners.
1. Excitement Phase
During the excitement phase vulva owners have increased vaginal lubrication and penis owners get a boner.
2. Plateau Phase
During the plateau phase, vaginas become engorged with blood, and some penises may leak pre-cum, a clear, viscous fluid. People also experience an increase in heart rate and respiration.
3. Orgasm Phase
Here we reach the point of no return, typically an 8-10 second climax.
4. Resolution Phase
In resolution phase, the body relaxes and experiences a drop in blood pressure, breathing slows and most people feel like rolling over and going to sleep or cuddling.
So, regular orgasm is rather like climbing a mountain where you enjoy the peak for a short time, then come crashing down the other side.
Full-Body Extended Tantric Orgasms
It is commonly believed that only vulva owners can experience full-body, extended orgasms. But, penis owners can as well, if they learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation, which are two distinct processes, even though it feels like one.
With NEO (non-ejaculatory orgasms) the orgasm is circulated throughout the body instead of ejaculating through the penis. There is no refractory time in between orgasms. In this way, men or penis owners can become multi-orgasmic. Vulva owners can experience ejaculation during multiple and extended orgasms as the refractory phase is much shorter and they are able to hold arousal longer.
Full-body extended orgasms are not necessarily one long orgasm, although some may feel this way, but a series of peaks with quick pause in between, as pictured in the image (Multiple and Prolonged Orgasm).
How to Experience Tantric Orgasms
Photo by Dima Valkov from Pexels
If you want to experience Tantric orgasms via masturbation, remember that this type of practice (and, yes, it is a practice and takes practice) is not a sprint to the finish line, but rather a series of techniques that take time to explore at a leisurely pace.
Focus on the Breath:
When you focus on the breath during sex or masturbation it allows you to slow down or speed up the various phases of orgasm. Quick “fire” breathing stimulates and can cause arousal to heighten more quickly, whereas, slowing the breath can prolong arousal, leading to longer orgasms. For penis owners this means you can prolong arousal without ejaculation, which is great if you experience premature ejaculation. For women who may have a hard time reaching orgasm, a quick “fire” breath can help build arousal to orgasm.
Pumping the Hips & Kegels:
As you self-pleasure, rock your hips as you lay on your back, squeezing your PC muscle (kegels) and releasing in a regular rhythm. Continue to focus on the breath with each squeeze as well. This will build sexual energy and help circulate it throughout the body.
Pleasure Touch:
Don’t only focus on the genitals during this practice. As you stimulate the clitoris, also, do vulva massage and g-spot massage to stimulate different areas. Include breast massage and touching yourself all over with feather-light touch. This goes for penis owners as well. Massage the balls, the perineum, ass cheeks, and other sensitive areas of the skin.
Visualize the Energy:
Visualize the sexual energy rising from the genitals and moving up the front of the body going through the chakras, then coming back down the back (spine) of the body in a microcosmic orbit. This also helps to circulate the sexual energy for a more expanded pleasure and orgasm.
Teasing and Edging:
With edging you tease your body with pleasure until just before orgasm, then back off (pause or stop) reducing stimulation while taking long deep breaths. Once you have allowed your arousal to lessen a bit, you can touch yourself in other areas for about 30 seconds to a minute, then build the stimulation and arousal back up again, using the techniques above. Then pause, and reduce stimulation once again, then resume more intense stimulation. Continue this for as long as you can stand, over and over. When you finally go over the edge, you will experience a much more powerful and extended orgasm. Penis owners may experience their erections softening, then hardening again, which is natural and will not interfere with orgasm.
NEO: Non-Ejaculatory Tantric Orgasms:
In Tantric sex, NEO are orgasms without ejaculation for penis owners. This can be experienced by practicing the microcosmic orbit, a technique made popular by Mantak Chia in The Multi-Orgasmic Man.
“By practicing semen retention, you can learn to move that sexual, orgasmic energy through your body so you feel the sensation of having an orgasm without actually ejaculating. This technique will help you transmute the urge to ejaculate into a rush of full-body orgasmic energy.”—Tantric Educator, Psalm Isadora MindBodyGreen.[ii]
Valley Tantric Orgasms:
If peak orgasms are regular orgasms or “tension and release” orgasms, then valley orgasms are the opposite and happen when you slow down and relax. “Rather than tensing around it and focusing it in the genitals, we soften the body around the arousal.”[iii] This allows the pleasure and sensation to spread over the entire body and not just be localized to the genital region, which in turn can produce a more “expanded” orgasmic experience. This type of relaxing, or “softening” of the body can be done at any time, not only during sex or self-pleasure, which allows for an orgasmic state of being with no beginning and no end. Rather than living life “desensitized” we re-sensitize the body to experience orgasmic states at any time, or even all the time. How far out and amazing is that?
Sound Off:
Making sounds during sexual pleasure (moaning, load breathing and ah-breath exhales) helps bring sexual energy up the body to open the throat chakra (which is energetically connected to the vulva, vagina and pelvic floor), thus circulating the energy and aiding in extending your orgasm as well as experiencing multiple orgasms. Using lower-pitched sounds direct energy down the body toward the genitals, and using higher pitched sounds moves energy upward towards the throat.
Do it Again:
Once you have achieved orgasm (in penis owners this will not include ejaculation), get back on that horse and ride it a gain. In other words, enjoy a slight pause, then begin self-stimulation once again, going through all the steps above. This should result in wave after wave of multiple orgasms, with various peaks and valleys that can last anywhere for 1-5 minutes, or even an hour or more. The more you practice the more you will be able to extend your orgasm over time and experience more full-body, expanded and multiple orgasms.
What do Tantric Orgasms Feel Like?
Photo by Lucas Pezeta from Pexels
Everyone will experience their orgasm in their own way, and individuals will experience distinct orgasms at different times.
That said, Annie Sprinkle has described various types of expanded orgasm including the regular “tension and release” type orgasm, that is localized on the body such as clitoral, penis, nipple-gasms, micro-orgasms (sneeze-gasms, cellular-gasms, goosebumps aka orgabumps), dream-gasms, g-spot and cervical orgasms, breath and energy orgasms, combination-gasms or combination orgasms (both clitoral and g-spot), and finally megagasms which she describes as “the volcano or tsunami of all orgasms” which is “an intense fully body experience… that lasts an extended length of time.”[iv]
Other people have described Tantric orgasms as spiritual, feels like waves of pleasure going through the body, tingling all-over, especially the extremities (fingers and toes), contractions in the body, especially the genitals, rhythmical and voluntary movement, energy rushing up from the genitals to shoot out of the crown chakra, a release of tension, the release of hormones and neurochemicals (dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin and vasopressin), feelings of being “high”, orgasmic auras as well as visual and auditory hallucinations, loss of control, altered states of consciousness, trance states, ecstasy, expansion of the mind/body/spirit, connection to Source, release of emotions (laughter, giggling, crying), feeling as if you are in an expanded space and pure bliss!
What are the Benefits of Tantric Orgasms?
Why would one want to experience Tantric orgasms? The most obvious reason is more pleasure and stronger, longer lasting orgasms.
But here are some other benefits as well:
Altered states of consciousness, expansion of the mind, and feelings of being high.
Extended periods of orgasmic states of being.
Connection to spirit, Source, nature, the cosmos and universe.
Greater intimacy with your lover or yourself.
Improve relationships with your partner.
Greater self-love and body awareness/ acceptance.
Less stress, reduces anxiety, more relaxation, being less triggered by emotions, better sleep, fights off depression.
Increased blood flow to keep the genitals and body health, improving cardiovascular health and the heart’s function.
Increased feel-good hormones and natural pain relievers such as dopamine and serotonin to reduce headaches, menstrual cramps, aches and chronic back pain.
Happier, calmer, feeling good.
Aids concentration, creativity, and greater brain activity, and improves mental health.
Better health: Masturbation improves the immune system’s function, by increasing testosterone into the body to help the flow of the hormone DHEA, which reportedly helps reduce the signs of aging, reduces symptoms of menopause, reduces obesity, and may help reduce the risk of osteoporosis in older women by increasing bone mass, and boosts immunity.
If you are looking for more intimacy and connection during sex with your partner, as well as balance your chakras, try these Tantra Sex Positions to enhance and integrate your divine feminine and masculine energies.
Tantra Sex Positions
Make a ritual to do these at least once a week with your lover and focus especially on weak or closed Chakras.
Rooted: Sit opposite your lover on the floor with legs crossed at the ankles, hold hands and look at each other as you tell your lover what makes you feel safe, grounded and confident.
Sexual Chakra: Sit opposite your lover on the floor with legs crossed at the ankles, lean in, hold hands and look at each other. Take turns speaking and listening as you share the following. When do you feel creative, sexually open and uninhibited?
Chakra Hug: Get into Yab Yum position; one lover in the other’s lap and press as many of your Chakras into each other as you can. Close your eyes and listen to each others breath for 2 minutes. Then discuss how this experience made you feel.
Intuition: Lean in, touch noses, join brows (third eye Chakras) and look into each others eyes until they appear to merge. Share an intuitive thought you’re having right now with your lover: “I love you and my intuition tells me that …. (finish the sentence)”.
Chakra Caress: Ask your lover to lie down and you kneel beside him/her. Gently caress each one of your lover’s charkas with your fingertips and express your adoration for each one.
Chakra Tune Up: Sit facing each other, ask your lover to close their eyes and take a deep breath. Ask your lover to respond to the following question for each of the following Chakras. Are you feeling strong or weak about your crown Chakra? Third Eye? Throat? Heart? Solar Plexis? Sacral? Root? Now alternate.
Confidence: Kneel in front of each other, hold hands and eye-gaze as you tell your lover what makes you feel confident and powerful.
Open Heart: Stand facing each other, heart to heart with arms around each other and take turns telling each other when you feel loving and compassionate.
Self Expression: Sit in a comfortable position facing each other, hold hands and eye-gaze. In two or three sentences, describe how you want other people to see and hear you.
Wisdom: Look at your lover in whatever position you are in, hold hands as you express one life lesson that you have learned.
Hip Circles: This exercise will open up your solar plexus, sacral and root Chakras. Stand up and face each other. With your knees bent slightly, push your pelvis forward; hands on hips. Now rotate your pelvis in large circles clock-wise 10 times and then counter-clock wise 10 times. Keep your head and feet still while moving only your pelvis area. Focus on opening up your sensuality.
Mind Over Matter: This stretching exercise will open up your crown, third eye and throat Chakras. Lie down flat on your back on a hard surface like the floor with your feet touching. Then raise your head, shoulders and back to a seated position. Place your hands on your hips or on the floor if you need support and tip your head back looking up to the sky. Breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth five times. Focus on opening up your mind.
Love Talk: Put your hand on your lover’s heart Chakra and tell him/her what you love most about them.
How to Give a Full-body Sensual Massage to Your Lover
Massage is a great way to relieve tension, improve blood circulation, move energy around the body and sexually arouse your lover! Massage is also a mutually satisfying way of helping couples exhibit intimacy for one another. Ours is a culture starved for touch, and massage is a quick, easy means to feed this hunger.
“Easy?” You may be asking yourself. Well, you don’t need to be a certified massage therapist to give a great Tantric massage. The most important component of a great massage is the desire to please your lover. So, here are some suggestions.
Setting The Mood
For starters, set the mood for a romantic environment by dimming the lights, burning some candles and incense, playing your lover’s favorite relaxing music and warming the room so that both of you will be comfortable. I know pretty soon you’ll be making enough heat of your own, but it’s always best to start at a temperature in which you are both comfortable especially since you should both be naked.
You can use scented mineral oil, massage oil or essential oils, or edible massage creams, lotions or powder. The choice is yours, but for the sake of this Tantric massage, I’ll assume you are using some kind of oil.
Begin with the Back Side
About two tablespoons of oil should be enough to start with. Pour the oil into your hands first and then rub your hands together so that they will be nice and warm to the touch. Then place your hands on your lover’s lower back and let your hands glide up your lovers back all the way up to the neck, around the shoulders and
back down, over the buttocks and the Rosebud.
“The touch of love and compassion. Whatever you love to do, you will do well.” -Dr. Ava
The Hand Slide
Now that you’ve got the oil on your lover’s back, begin with your hands parallel to each other and slide them down each side of the spine, massaging all the way down to the lower back and over the buttocks. Move your hands up all the way to the neck, over the shoulders and down the arms to the fingertips. Repeat this motion
at least six times. As you do this, ask your lover for feedback. If he/she is not the talkative type, then just know that it’s better to make the massage too soft than too strong. Remember, it’s all about giving as much pleasure as you can.
Pull-U Ups
For variation, try alternating one hand after the other as you pull up and stroke the sides of your lover’s body. Start by placing both of your hands over one of your lover’s hips and then gently pull up towards the spine. Move your hands to the waist and pull up towards the spine. Then take your hands to the side of the chest or breast and pull up towards the spine. Put your hands just under the armpits and pull up towards the spine. Don’t forget to do both sides.
Kneading
If you have ever kneaded pizza or bread dough, then this technique will be a breeze but if you haven’t, try squeezing your lover’s back and buttocks between your thumb and fingers in a flowing motion (not too hard) with one hand, and then with the other hand. Now slide your hands to another area on the back and repeat until your lover has been well kneaded from neck to buttocks. The fleshy parts of the body like the buttocks can stand more pressure, so feel free to squeeze just a little harder and gently spread the cheeks as you knead. This can be very exciting for the receiver.
“A loving, faithful partner is the greatest treasure.” -Dr. Ava
Feather Stroke
Before you move onto the thighs, caress your lover’s neck, shoulders, arms, back and buttocks with your fingertips in a very light feather stroke for at least five minutes. If you have fingernails, gently scratch your lover with them. You can do this in circular motions, long fluid motions or from side to side. Let your light, tickly strokes and caresses create sensual anticipation for your lover as he/she won’t know where you are going to tickle, scratch or touch next. If you have medium to long hair and you don’t mind getting oil in it, then I highly recommend you use your hair to caress your lover’s body. It is very erotic and highly memorable.
Foot Caress
You’ll probably need more oil now so don’t forget to put it in your hands first, then onto your lover’s body. Now do the hand slide technique on the thigh and calf in slow motion. Follow this with the kneading stroke and then the feathery one. Do one leg at a time. The feet are a major erogenous zone so let’s give those tootsies some attention! Take one foot at a time and smother it in oil, spreading it around the ankle, the heel and in between the toes. Now use the palm of your hand to slide over the bottom of your lover’s foot back
and forth about four times. Gently rotate every toe clockwise and counter-clockwise and finally slither your forefinger between each toe. Gently pull each toe away from the body.
Turn your Lover Over
Your lover will probably have a smile on his/her face because your massage is so relaxing and sensual. Let’s continue the massage by focusing on the stomach and chest/breasts. Rub plenty of massage oil in your hands and then put your hands lightly on top of the belly button, slowly sliding them up the center of your lover’s stomach and around their nipples, then back down to the belly button. Do this at least five times because it feels really good and it’s moving energy around the body. Be very gentle around female breasts. The male
chest can handle a firmer stroke. In fact the male chest can even handle some kneading whereas feather strokes are more appropriate and pleasurable on and around the female breasts/Pillows of Compassion. Don’t forget to use your hair on your lover’s body.
“Joy is contagious. People never tire of being in the company of a happy person.” -Dr. Ava
Nipple Massage
Both men and women have sensation in their nipples (some more than others) so here’s your opportunity to find out how sensitive your lover’s nipples are by giving them a nipple massage. Use your thumb and index finger to gently massage the nipple in a rotating motion moving clockwise then counter-clockwise. Ask for feedback so that you get the pressure just right. Place your hand gently over the nipple and roll it in the palm of your hand. Finally, using your thumb and third finger, gently pull up on the nipple so that you are elongating it. Do one nipple at a time and make sure that all of these motions are done in slow motion. Observe your lover’s body language and listen for pleasure moans and groans. Ask your lover to rate the nipple massage from 1-10 on a pleasure scale with 10 being the best.
Side Pull-U Ups
When doing the side pull-ups, draw your lover’s body toward you with the palms of your hands alternating one hand after the other. Do this motion from starting at the hips, moving to the waist, then the side of the chest/breast and to the armpits just as you did on the back side.
Moving Down South
Before you get to the sexual organs, you should massage the front of the legs and feet as you did on the other side using all the strokes you have learned so far. Remember the hand slide, pull-ups, kneading, and feather stroke. Always end with the feather stroke using your fingertips, nails and/or hair.
Yoni Massage
On the female genitals/Yoni, you might want to use a water-based lubricant because if oil gets inside the vagina, it can cause irritation. Put it in your hands and rub your hands together before placing them on her yoni. Start by focusing on the vulva which is the outside visible area of the vagina by rubbing the lubricant around her Yoni in circular motions.
Her Landing Strip/Perineum
Gently rub the massage oil or lube around her Yoni lips all the way down to her Rosebud. Using the pad of your thumb, trace the outline of her Rosebud and then slowly slide your thumb up the landing strip (perineum) from her Rosebud to her Yoni opening.
His Landing Strip/Perineum
Slowly slide your fingers up and down the perineum from his Jewels to his Rosebud. Feel for a small indentation the size of a pea midway and gently press inward with your thumbs. This area is called the Million Dollar Point in Taoism and many men are able to feel their Hero Spot through this point.
“Compliments are the bedrock of romance so give them freely.” -Dr. Ava
Two-L Lips
Then gently part her outer lips with both of your thumbs and caress them in circular motions for at least two minutes. Next, slide your thumbs up and down her outer lips until they are spread apart, and then do the same with her inner lips. The inner lips are more sensitive than the outer lips so use less pressure. Watch for her body language and for the swelling of her Yoni lips, which is a natural progression when a woman gets sexually aroused.
Pearl Massage
Gently pull the clitoral hood back from the Pearl to expose it. Then gently slide your thumb and forefinger up and down the sides of the Pearl for about ten strokes. You may feel it growing as it becomes more excited. The clitoris can grow three to four times its normal size when it’s fully engorged. Next massage the head of the Pearl in circular motions using your forefinger or thumb. Don’t be surprised if she has a body melting, earth shattering orgasm. The Pearl has 8000 nerve fibers and it’s the primary sexual organ for a woman. Most women are capable of having a clitoral orgasm when it is stimulated. In Tantra this is called “Riding the Wave” when a woman can have multiple orgasms.
Lingam Massage
Put plenty of massage oil in your hands and warm it up by rubbing it with both hands, then slowly spread it all over the Lingam and Jewels. Next place one hand on the shaft of his Lingam and start stoking it in an up and down motion while the other hand gently encircles his Jewels. Do this in slow motion for at least three minutes.
Making the Fire
Rub his Lingam with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire. This is a sure way to light his fire!
Spiraling the Stalk
Both hands go in opposite directions in a corkscrew motion over the lingam. One hand twists up while the other hand twists downwards.
Wet and Wild
Now concentrate on just massaging his Lingam from the top to the bottom covering the glans (head) and sliding your hands down to the base with one hand after another in a fluid motion. Do this for about ten strokes and don’t be surprised if he suddenly climaxes because this stroke feels like he’s inside a tight wet Yoni.
“The important thing is not what others think of you, but what you think of you.” -Dr. Ava
A Happy Ending!
When you have completed your Tantric massage, gently remove your hands, kiss your lover on the lips and give them a Tantric hug. When giving a massage, always remember to let your lover lead you to the places he or she would like to be massaged the most. Be sure to respond to your lover’s needs.
Combine stroking and pressure. Keep in mind, fleshy parts of the body (thighs, arms, buttocks) can stand more pressure than less fleshy parts like necks and ankles. While you’re massaging, ask your lover to give you feedback in a positive way like, “I love having my nipples massaged.” Or, “It feels so good when you use your hair on my chest.” By exploring your lover’s body, you will enhance your relationship and you will find
new areas of sexual excitement that will expand your sexual horizon. Massage is all about giving the most pleasure to your lover that you possibly can. It is a wonderful way to express yourself.
Don’t forget to take turns. It’s important that you learn to receive massages as well as give them. Relax and enjoy!
A sexy kiss can be one of the most erotic exchanges between lovers. A kiss is often the first intimate physical contact with a new lover and some people believe they can tell a lot about a person’s lovemaking skills by the way they kiss. Some people can reach orgasm through kissing alone.
Not wanting to be kissed by your lover is a signal of trouble in the relationship. Making kissing a daily ritual will embolden and re-ignite passion in your relationship and keep the juices flowing. There are many different kinds of kisses: slow, quick, deep, wet, hard, soft, breathy, and then there is Tantric kissing. Kiss your lover at least twice a day and experiment with the different kinds of kisses from below.
Tantric Kissing Techniques
Eye brow kissing: Face your lover in Yab Yum position, either ‘Woman On Top’ or man on top, moisten each other’s eyebrows and then lean into each other with brows touching. Touch lips and feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness.
Yin Yang kissing: Take turns kissing each other tenderly and then deeply, alternate back to tender and back to deep for 2 minutes. This will create the weaving of the Yin and Yang energy that you and your lover can both experience simultaneously.
Synchronized kissing: Embrace in your favorite lovemaking position with Lingam and Yoni touching, but not inserted. With your lips slightly open and touching, inhale together gently and exhale together, sharing and synchronizing the same breath.
Orgasmic kissing: In a loving face-to-face Maithuna/intercourse position with Lingam inserted into Yoni, lock lips, eye-gaze and take turns inhaling and exhaling alternately. Share the deep level of intimacy and feel your lover’s sexual breath enter your body and spirit.
More Tantric Kissing Tips
1. Build sexual anticipation by kissing all around your lover’s face with soft, baby kisses and use your hands to caress the face, hair or body.
2. Use your nose to nuzzle and your lips to caress to your lover.
3. Tease your lover by tracing the outline of your his or her lips with the tip of your tongue.
4. Now put your heart and body into a slow kiss alternating the pressure from gentle to deep with mouth slightly open.
5. Take your lover’s bottom lip between yours and suck gently. Vocalize some sounds of pleasure.
6. Take turns licking your lover’s upper and lower teeth with your tongue. Then alternate.
7. Wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck passionately alternating your speed from slow to quick.
8. Explore the inside of your lover’s mouth with your tongue by running it in small and large circles. Alternate.
9. Dart your tongue in and out of your lover’s mouth rapidly and then slowly. Remember to use your entire body and make all those wonderful sounds of love.
10. Use hot or cold liquids to create new kissing sensibilities.
The property was the Pine Mountain Buddhist Temple Retreat for the past 23 years, known for Zen Meditation in the Ventura County Mountains of Southern California.
The residents were two Buddhist Monks, Reverend Phoebe and Reverend Seikai who made this place a labor of love by opening their home for Buddhist Teachings, Meditation Workshops and Buddhist Festivals. As soon as I met them, I felt an immediate mind, body, soul connection. When they shared their desire to move to a smaller place, I knew that this magnificent land with mountains, an abundance of trees, flowers and Buddha statues would be perfect for my Loveology Retreat! The monks left their cats Ivy and Marley for me to take care of and for them to continue living at the only home they’ve ever had.
Retreat Services
You can come here to study for your Certified Love Coach training, enjoy scenic hiking trails, relax through holistic services such as massage and water therapy, focus on love, peace and happiness through yoga and meditation, practice self-love through healing workshops, boost intimacy or connect with your family at this 45-acre paradise.
Sacred Monument
This sacred Stupa statue is a pinnacle that you must see to believe. Many believe that circumambulating a Stupa purifies negative karma and fosters realizations of the path to enlightenment. When you enter the monument, you should bow to the Buddha inside the Stupa and walk around it clockwise — an experience that can prove meditative for Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.
Buddhist Temple
It’s important for me to maintain the integrity of the Buddhist Temple property, so I have left the Meditation room the same as when the Monks lived here. I told them that they are welcome at any time that they wish to have a Meditation Retreat.
Renovations to Retreat
The renovations include a Recreation Room with gym equipment for adults and games for kids and teens. Outdoor Yoga and Meditation under a Pergola, a Swimming Pool, Obstacle Course, Children’s Playground with Trampoline. For dining, we will have a BBQ and a Pizza Oven, as well as healthy vegan dishes to enjoy under beautiful Sunsets. Accommodation will also be available in houses or caravans, so stay tuned for more photos and our opening event party.
Breath is the essence of life and there is no better way to energize the body than to increase your intake of oxygen. Breathing in through the mouth produces an energy charge and breathing out of the mouth releases emotions. That’s why when a person cries, they have to breathe through their mouth.
Nostril breathing holds in the energy charge and it enhances sexual control. In the following interactive breath exercises, you will learn how to control your breath and how to synchronize it with your lover so that you can make lovemaking last longer. You will find that you can connect on a deeper level of consciousness and experience harmonious bonding through breath. Breathing together is an essential element to experiencing
Tantric bliss.
When you are sexually excited, your breathing increases naturally. Consequently, you have less control over your orgasm. Many people want lovemaking to last longer. Several methods have been devised to assist you in prolonging the pleasures and intimacy of sex. The following exercises will help move your sexual energy throughout your body; not just localize it in the genitals.
Tantric Breath
Breath Exercises with Your Lover
*While these exercises are written in He/She pronouns and Man/Woman genders, any couple can do these techniques together regardless of sexual orientation and gender to include GLBTQ+ couples and non-binary individuals. Regardless of gender, we all have both masculine and feminine energies (Yin/Yang) that are more prominent at different times.
Synchronized Breath: Face each other. Hold hands, breathe in and out through the mouth at the same time for 2 minutes.
Alternate Breathing: Face each other. Hold hands and breathe in through your nose and exhale through the mouth in slow motion for 2 minutes.
Kissing Breath: Hold each other, eyes closed, and share the same breath through deep kissing for 2 minutes.
Erogenous Breath: Blow your cool breath with lips pursed around and onto your lover’s nipples for 2 minutes.
Hot Breath: Choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your hot breath through your open mouth for 2 minutes as you caress your lover.
Hum Breath: Face each other and hum every time you breath out for 2 minutes.
Toe Breath: Exhale your cool breath in between your lover’s toes. All of them.
Auditory Breath: Suck on your lover’s ear lobes and breathe gently in his/her ears.
Spine Breath: Ask your lover to lie down on his/her stomach and blow your cool breath up your lover’s spine all the way to his/her neck and back down over the buttocks. Nudity required.
Neck Breath: Blow cool and hot breath (mouth pursed and open) on and around your lover’s neck; front and back.
Yin Yang Breath: Alternate Breathing. Face your lover in Yab Yum position. Decide who will be Yin (receiver) and who will be Yang (giver) to start. Yin should breathe in through the nose, as Yang exhales through the mouth for 2 minutes. Then switch roles for 2 more minutes. Maintain eye contact as you do this.
Hot and Cold Breath: Choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your cool breath from your mouth through pursed lips on to it, then your warm breath (through an open mouth) with your lips apart. Alternate your hot and cool breath on your lover for 2 minutes.
Control Breath: Face each other, kneeling or sitting with legs over each other, whichever is most comfortable for you both. Now simultaneously take a deep breath filling up and expanding your bellies. Hold that breath for 5 seconds, then exhale from the throat releasing a gentle sighing sound. Do this for 2 minutes and maintain eye-contact with each other.
Synchronized Breathing: Face your lover; kneeling or sitting with legs over each other, which ever is most comfortable for you both. Breathe in at the same time, then breathe out together in slow motion for 2 minutes. Maintain eye-contact as you do this.
Nostril Breathing: Face your lover. The woman should breathe through her right nostril (for one minute) while blocking the left nostril. The man should breathe through his left nostril while blocking the right one for 1 minute, then alternate for the 2nd minute.
Charging Breath: Get into Yab Yum position. Inhale and exhale through your nose using the pumping action of your abdominal muscles to force the exhalation. The emphasis should be on the exhalation. Breathe in through the nostrils and release your breath through your nostrils and pump your abdominal muscles at the same time. Do this for 2 minutes.
Hearing Breath: Get into Yab Yum position, and breathe gently, sighing behind your lover’s earlobes for 2 minutes in unison. Be careful not to use excess sound around the ears because they can be highly sensitive.
Cannon Breath: Sit back to back with Chakras aligned and say, “As we do this breath, I honor you.” Then inhale one long deep breath (through the nose and exhale through the mouth) as if it were shooting out of cannon for 2 minutes. If either of you become lightheaded during this exercise, communicate to your lover that you need to stop. This is a good alternative to arguing.
Lingam Yoni Breath: For this intimate breath, the woman needs to get into a traditional ‘Woman On Top’ sexual Maithuna/intercourse position. She is the Yang (masculine) force so she is the initiator. Now both man and woman should start breathing in and out together. Fill up your bellies as you inhale and collapse your bellies as you exhale. This can be done during intercourse or without penetration. The choice is yours.
Heart Beat: Put your arms around your lover and rest one of your ears on his/her heart Chakra. Listen to the soothing sound of the heart beat and the sound of your lover’s breath for 2 minutes. Tell your lover what you heard and how it made you feel.
Neck Massage: Massage your lover’s neck with your hands and follow each stroke with your breath. Do this for 2 minutes.
Yoni Lingam Breath: Get into the traditional sixty-nine position. The woman should blow her cool breath around the Lingam, Jewels, perineum (testicles and the landing strip between from testicles to anus) while the man blows his warm breath around her Yoni, (not inside the Yoni) around the Rosebud/anus and up and down the perineum. Do this for 2 minutes minimum.
Abdominal Breathing
Abdominal breathing exercises can help relax the pelvic region and prolong the level of sexual excitement in masturbation and lovemaking. The purpose of this exercise is to develop awareness of your body while practicing relaxed breathing. By experiencing specific body movements coordinated with deep breathing you will learn how to continue deep breathing while engaged in sexual activity.
1. Commence abdominal breathing by lying on the floor or a bed with arms at your side and legs uncrossed.
2. Close your eyes and begin breathing slowly. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
3. Place one hand gently on your lower abdomen and focus on the movement of your stomach as you breathe. The goal is to develop comfortable and relaxed breathing in the pelvic region.
4. Continue abdominal breathing and as you inhale, turn your right foot out to the side. As you exhale, turn your right foot back up so the toes point up toward the ceiling. Do this six times and then switch to the left foot.
5. Repeat the above exercise sequence again, first with the right foot then with the left. Watch and help each other to do the abdominal breathing.
Pelvic Breathing
The purpose of pelvic breathing is to help coordinate pelvic movement with breathing during lovemaking. Remember, the power of breath controls both the male and female orgasms.
1. Lie on your back, on the floor or bed, with your arms at your sides and your legs uncrossed.
2. Breathe slowly, using abdominal breathing for a few minutes to establish your rhythm.
3. As you inhale, press your buttocks toward the floor and fill your abdomen with air.
4. As you exhale, imagine that your pubic bone is being drawn towards the ceiling by a magnet.
5. Your pelvis will slowly tilt up as you exhale.
6. Repeat this at least ten times. It is important to have the pelvis tilt backward on the inhalation and tilt forward on the exhalation.
7. Do the same exercise kneeling with your hands flat on the floor in front of you. Watch and help each other to do the pelvic breathing.
Make A Commitment
Make a commitment to take long deep breaths while you are doing every day activities, such as driving, watching TV, reading reports, taking a bath and so on. When you are stressed out, inhale 4 breaths then exhale 4 breaths (‘Stress Breath’). When you are upset, inhale one long deep breath and then exhale it with force as if it were shooting out of a canon (‘Canon Breath’). When you are angry, inhale 4 breaths and then stick your
tongue out as you exhale with force (‘Dragon Breath’). It will make you laugh and you’ll forget what you were angry about. When you make love, slow down your normal breathing pattern because the faster the breath flows, the faster the orgasm.
I have always looked at sex as a goal-based thing, a physical act for pleasure, to get pregnant and a stress reliever. Then through research I’ve learnt that sex can be a meditative act with the aim of moving sexual energy throughout the body for enjoyment and sensations of the body. This makes sex to be sacred in my view based on this new knowledge I have acquired.
Sex is a sacred connection of openness between two souls that proclaims love for each other. The pleasure and orgasms we should get requires vulnerability between involved parties. Energies are shared in a more spiritual way but not churchy at all. A deep bonding is birthed with possibilities of a deep-rooted romantic love in the hearts of both parties. Igniting the fire of our sexual energy, passions, and desires with our heart, spirit, and a sense of completeness in our life.
What makes us miss the sacredness of such intimacy is the carnal mind we have towards it. We have mostly been raised culturally or even religiously to believe that sex is a very wrong and dirty act to be ashamed of. A secret act to be done behind closed doors to curb the urge and never to be discussed openly. These beliefs cause us to not be open to the sacredness sex could be.
To fully bask in the special experience, we have to know our bodies and communicate it to our partners. This will help us look at ourselves and partners as divine fountains of powerful intimacy energies, intentional energies expressed as the experience leads but not pre planned. At that moment nothing else matters as partners are immersed deeply. Bodies reacts as the energy felt, that allows vulnerability and openness. No thoughts of shame but an explosion of pure love is exchanged.
Culture and religion put aside; sex is a sacred act of humanity to be embraced and explored by us all. We just have to be open-minded to the capabilities of our bodies. This can help us build blissful relationships full of joy and love. Dr Ava Cadell reminds us that, “sex can be a beautiful journey not a destination”. This is a journey to be taken with great trust to help us release the shame and hurt around sex that could be in our heads and hearts to create a bond with a sense of belonging.
To connect with our sexual energy, we need to explore with openness to experience. Being intentional about sacredness of sex through practice will help us be aware of the sexual energies and magnify our dimensions of pleasure in our relationships.
The lack of movement can leave your body feeling tight and tired. It also restricts energy flow and can block emotions; especially sexual ones. Even when you visualize parts of your body moving, you are creating physiological sensations.
In the following interactive exercises you will experience moving different parts of your body with your lover. The physical connection will be different than the standard lovemaking positions you may have experienced in the past. Some of the movements will be playful, while others will be spiritual or sexual. Movement is an essential element to reaching Tantric bliss.
Movement Exercises with your Lover
1. Pelvic Circles: Do circles with your pelvis while standing facing your lover for 2 minutes. Play music if you like.
2. Finger Talk: Touch each other’s face in slow motion with fingertips and communicate only through your eyes and fingers for 2 minutes.
3. Tantric Dance: Hold each other close and move your entire bodies, but not your feet for 2 minutes (add music if you like).
4. Tantric Hug: Put your arms around each other, bury your head in each others neck and press your bodies together for 2 minutes.
5. Tantric Kiss: Press your bodies together and kiss passionately for 2 minutes.
6. Eyelid Kiss: Lick your lover’s eyelids and kiss his/her eyelids tenderly.
7. Dominate: Dominate your lover by holding him/her down and kiss and caress him/her wherever you want to.
8. Striptease: Do a striptease for your lover and take off two pieces of clothing.
9. Feather: Use the feather on your own body and show your lover where it turns you on the most.
10. Rock the Cradle: Get into Yab Yum position or kneel in front of each other. Embrace. Breathe together, eye-gaze and rock your pelvis back and forth together at the same time. As you breathe in, the belly fills up and you both rock back. The belly expands from breath. As you exhale you rock towards each other. Do this exercise for 2 minutes.
11. Sensate Focus: Take turns showing your lover how you want to be touched on your face and neck. Now your lover should emulate the same touches that you just showed him/her. Give each other verbal feedback (you may use a feather or a blindfold to heighten this experience). Do ‘Sensate Focus’ for 2 minutes. Add music if you like.
12. Surrender: Take turns receiving loving caresses and kisses from your lover for 2 minutes.
13. Body Worship: Worship your lover’s body by caressing him/her with the feather or your hair followed by baby kisses. Both of you should make sounds of love and move in unison to the rhythm of your foreplay.
14. Yin Yang Kissing: Decide who will be Yin and who will be Yang. The Yang (active lover) has to explore with his/her tongue the Yin’s mouth (receptive lover) until he/she has kissed for at least 2 minutes. Then exchange roles for 2 more minutes.
15. Hand Dancing: Rub your (own) hands together and feel the warm energy as you slowly bring them apart, then put your hands against your lover’s hands and feel the heat/energy as you hand dance together. Decide who will be Yin (follower) and who will be Yang (initiator). Yin must follow Yang’s movements, keep your hands pressed up against each others for 1 minute, and then Yang must follow Yin’s movements for 1 minute.
16. Standing Cradle Rock: Stand in front of your lover with hands on hips, feet pointing ahead. Bend knees slightly and rock your pelvis cradle (back and forth) in slow motion. Go in circles, then side to side for 2 minutes simultaneously. Have fun with this and play music.
17. The Pelvis Roll: This is a variation on the ‘Missionary’ position with the man on his knees while his lover raises her knees and rests her feet on his chest. The woman has her arms and hands free to caress herself or her man. During penetration, she can roll her pelvis up and down so that his Lingam can stimulate her G-spot. The woman must surrender herself to complete and utter Tantric pleasure. Use lubricant if necessary.
18. The Swooping Goddess: This is a variation on the ‘Woman On Top’ position. She is on top with her feet on the bed or ground and her toes pointed for extra elevation. The woman needs to have strong legs for this position because she is doing all the thrusting (swooping) down on her man while he lays back, surrenders and receives. Her hands are free to caress herself or her man. Use lubricant if necessary.
19. The Crouching Tigress: This is a variation on the rear entry position. The woman gets on all fours and crouches like a wild cat with her buttocks raised high, while her man presses his lower body against her on his knees. He has the freedom to hold onto her buttocks, hips or waist. This position gives the man complete power to penetrate his lover. If the strokes are too deep and fast it may cause her discomfort, so to enhance the pleasure for both man and woman, he should thrust his Lingam into her Yoni ever so slowly and then work up to a more rapid penetration as and when she desires it. Use lubricant if necessary.
20. Enhanced Tantric Kiss: Get into Yam Yum Position. Begin your kiss by tracing the outline of your lover’s lips. Then take your lover’s bottom lip between the two of yours and suck gently. Next, wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck on it with passion. Finally get a cube of ice and put it in your mouth as you kiss your lover. Continue to kiss until the ice has melted. This exercise is even more fun during Maithuna/intercourse.
21. Sixty Nine: Decide who will be Yang (on top) and who will be Yin (on bottom) and get into the classic sixty nine position. The woman gently tugs her man’s scrotum while sucking his Lingam from the base to the glans (head) changing her rhythm to long, slow sucking to short, fast milking motions. Simultaneously, the man nuzzles his face into his woman’s Yoni and licks her labia and Pearl/clitoris while stroking her perineum (between the Rosebud/anus and the Yoni opening) for at least 5 minutes.
22. Animals: Get into an animal pose with your lover and make the sounds and movements of your chosen animal. You can be a snake and slither all over your lover, a monkey who playfully explores his/her lover, a cat who snuggles, or any other animal you choose. Play with each other for 2 minutes and guess what animal your lover chose.
23. Musical Instrument: Imagine you are a musician, choose an instrument, and play a rhythm on your lover’s body for 2 minutes. You can play a concerto up and down your lover’s body, stand them up and pretend to play the cello or just get down and dirty with your lover’s flute. The choice is yours.
Connect Each Day
Hold hands, hug your lover every day. Cuddle at bedtime. Stretch your body, take a walk at least once a week and dance whenever possible with your lover. Caress your own body, discover your own erogenous zones, then do the same with your lover and ask him/her to rate their erogenous zones from 1-10.
Chakra Hug: Get into Yab Yum position; one lover in the other’s lap and press as many of your Chakras into each other as you can. Close your eyes and listen to each others breath for 2 minutes. Then discuss how this experience made you feel.
