Tuesday, June 25, 2024
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Men's Sexual Problems

Overcoming ED Challenges in a Relationship

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75% of Men Suffer from ED at Some Point in Their Lives

In some ways, intimacy works as a safety net in a relationship. At the core of intimacy is a genuine kindness felt toward a partner, which is of the utmost importance when challenges come up. What if, though, the challenge is, “it” won’t come up at all?

His Challenge: Oh No, E.D.

Though it likely doesn’t relieve the stress in the moment, men can take comfort in knowing that at least one report states that as many as 75% of men experience erectile dysfunction (ED) at some point in their lives. (Spark, 1991). That means, while this issue can feel overwhelming, it is very common, and yes there are things you can do to overcome it as well.

What Causes ED?

There are many reasons that ED affects a man’s performance, including:
1. Vascular conditions
2. Alcohol
3. Medications
4. Diabetes
5. Abnormal nerve function
6. Hormone deficiency
7. Removal of the prostate gland for cancer
8. Other surgical procedures
9. Peyronie’s disease
10.Illicit drugs
11. Smoking and diet, as contributing factors

ED Leads to Anxiety

The physical limitations of ED can create anxiety in men, causing a cyclical loop of physical and psychological symptoms. For example, if a man experiences a problem with an erection during one of his intercourse efforts, the next time he attempts intercourse the remembered failure manifests as a second episode of ED: a self- fulfilling prophecy.

There is an old school test to help indicate if the ED is a physical or psychological issue. Known as the “stamp test”, perforated, non- adhesive stamps are wrapped around a man’s penis before sleep to form a band. If the man is capable of having erections, the two or three that occur during REM sleep will tear the stamp band and suggest psychological cause.

There have been many advances in the treatment of ED, starting with the advent of the “little blue pill” (Viagra) and now expanding to several other brands including Cialis and Levitra. These drugs cause muscle relaxation, dilation of arteries, and blood inflow that brings about an erection upon arousal.

Given we live in a society where the expectation is for “real men” to be virile, confident and “alpha”, it’s often overlooked that they face many of the same insecurities and doubts as women. When performance troubles enter the bedroom, it can be a devastating blow to a secretly fragile ego, so partners should be cautious with any reaction, and take his lead.

Lack of Desire

Beyond erectile dysfunction, some men may feel a low sex drive. Almost as challenging as a lack of ability to perform, is a lack of interest in performing.

I had a client, James, who came to me concerned that his sex drive had diminished to a point that he wasn’t even remotely interested in a sexual relationship with his wife. Married for six years, their relationship had started incredibly hot and heavy but over the course of the last year, he had lost almost all interest. Erections weren’t the problem, but his desire to do anything with them was quickly becoming an issue in their marriage.

The first thing I had James do was see his doctor for a full checkup and have his testosterone levels checked. When that came back normal, we began investigating what was happening in his mind that may be influencing his lack of lust. At 36 years old, everything seemed to be going well. He enjoyed his job and maintained a comfortable level of success. He had a good circle of friends and hadn’t experienced any serious life changes recently. His physical health was actually above average as he was training for his first triathlon! He talked lovingly about his wife and shared her desire to have children, though his lack of sexual appetite seemed to making that goal feel further and further away.

Honestly, the more we talked the less insight I had into what might be causing his troubles. That is until I invited his wife, Carol, in to discuss how his problems were challenging their relationship.

Though a lovely young woman, Carol spent nearly the first hour of our conversation listing everything wrong with their relationship and how James continued to let her down. As I listened to her unload her frustrations, I watched James respond to her. He nodded in agreement but also seemed to shrink next to her. The more she talked, the less he looked at me.

She wasn’t being vicious, and held his hand as she spoke with tears in her eyes. It wasn’t until she paused to wipe away her tears that I asked her if she still loved her husband. She looked at me as if I were crazy and said, “Of course.”

I then turned to James and asked him to tell me about the last time Carol had given him a compliment. He stared at me for a long time before he simply shrugged and said, “I’m not sure she likes me anymore.”

Carol’s response to this was to add it to the list of flaws she had spent an hour outlining.

When I pointed out that I hadn’t heard a single compliment toward her husband since she had arrived in my office, she replied that she thought she was here to discuss what was wrong, not what was right.

James actually cracked a small smile and said, “I know what’s wrong. Everything.”

What’s interesting is that his half-joke inspired her to argue back with a list of things that were going right. Carol told him how amazing he was at his job, how dedicated he was about getting in shape for the triathlon and how her friends were constantly blown away by his kindness, generosity, and support of her own goals.

He listened to her rattle off all of his good qualities and then took her hand and said, “Thank you.”

While there might be physical or psychological problems at the base of decreased sexual desire that can only be treated with medical attention, there are also many factors to examine in terms of everyday life and personal relationships that will give us clues as to
how to reignite sexual interest. James simply needed validation, and he wasn’t getting it.

Realizing this was a huge turning point for James and Carol. They left this breakthrough session looking like friends again. In their follow up session, when I asked if things had improved in the bedroom, they both giggled and blushed, nodding like a couple of kids who
had been caught doing something naughty.

A feeling of success is important to a man’s wellbeing. Having a partner that expresses trust, acceptance and appreciation helps men to maintain a healthy level of testosterone. Stress and depression deplete testosterone, so it’s important to do an honest life evaluation
of what’s going on outside the bedroom.

NEURO-CISE: TESTOSTERONE, DUO

Here are some activities from my book, The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games that can stimulate testosterone:

♥ Competition: Your relationship is the ultimate in teamwork and a little friendly competition can be healthy especially when it leads to lovemaking. This game is called Disrobing Desire. See how long it takes each of you to slowly disrobe each other and appreciate every new area of skin that gets exposed, teasing as you go to create incredible sexual anticipation. Kiss, caress, and nibble sexual and nonsexual areas as you give compliments to each other. Whoever takes the longest to disrobe is the winner.

♥ Setting deadlines: Set your timer for two minutes and then have a Tickle War as you tickle each other’s armpits, bare feet, ribs and tummy until the alarm goes off. You’ll both be winners as laughter releases chemicals that trigger happiness and is infectious bonding couples together.

♥ Planning an extravagant date: Rent a limo for the night and bring along a bottle of a bubbly, fresh strawberries dipped in chocolate, and set the mood with sexy music. If you tell the limo driver that you’re celebrating a special event, he or she will leave you two alone. Now that you’ve got your privacy you can truly enjoy the ride making out in that big, back seat like a couple of celebrities. But don’t stop there, get your money’s worth and go out for dinner followed by dancing while your Love Limo waits to take you back home.

♥ Animal Magnetism: Get into an animal posture and attitude by making the sounds and movements of your chosen animal. You can be a snake and slither all over your partner, a monkey playfully exploring him or her, a cat that snuggles, or any other animal you choose. If your partner guesses the animal you are, then he or she gets to choose what kind of animal he wants you to be in bed.

♥ A Quickie: For men quickies can be very exciting and satisfying and as long as the woman’s mind is aroused, her body will follow. Having a quickie in a new place that is off
limits can heighten the experience and raise the libido even more by releasing dopamine and testosterone. If sex in a public place is your fantasy, here are some tips on how and where to make it a reality, though you may want to take along the number of a good criminal defense attorney, just in case you get caught and arrested for indecent exposure!

♥ A shopping mall. Try sneaking into the public restroom or a dressing room when the coast is clear, but look out for the public cameras.

♥ On a train. Take the train at night when it’s on the last stop and find an empty train car, then snuggle up under a big blanket and have a quickie in spooning position.

♥ Coat Check. Whether it’s at a formal wedding or fancy hotel, there’s usually enough room and plenty of time to hide behind the coats for a quickie before people want to leave and ask for their coats back.

NEURO-CISE: TESTOSTERONE, SOLO

♥ Watch your favorite sports team. The good news is that your testosterone will spike if your team wins, but the bad news is that it will decline if they lose.

♥ Exercise increases your natural levels of testosterone so if your team loses, go to the gym and lift some weights. Testosterone levels are at their highest 48 hours after weight lifting.

♥ Sunlight exposure can increase your testosterone, but you only need about 20 minutes to raise levels, so don’t bake your body, as sunburn is bad for you.

♥ Masturbation is good for your health and your testosterone levels, so be good to yourself.

Are You Flaccid or is That PTSD in Your Pants?

Photo by Evelyn Chong from Pexels
Photo by Tiegan Neary from Flickr.com

***I will be discussing PTSD, Depression, Suicide and a very brief mention of Child Sexual Assault.  Please make sure you are in a good place, both mentally, and physically when you read this. ***

Introductions

Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

Good morning, my name is Herne. I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to contribute to Sexpert.com. I say lucky because I have no formal training or higher education related to this site, no letters after my name and I still get to work with so many amazing people who are doing important work.

Now do not get me wrong, I have plenty experience in life, love, relationships and sex. I have been married for about 25 years, have teenagers who have had their own dating and relationship woes and have found myself as a sounding board for a great number of my friends and family.

I am a retired Military Vet and a former Police Detective who specialized in Special Victim Cases, mostly Child Sexual Assault and Child Pornography. I have talked to more than my fair share of perverted people, they were just the bad perverts, not the good perverts like you and me. So, I am here to add my blue-collar voice on a variety of topics.

I am a work boots and blue jeans wearing, small town living, incredibly handsome guy who used to be ignorant about a great many things; however, I have met people who have trusted me, shared painful experiences with me, taught me and helped me realize the world was bigger than me.

PTSD and Your Penis … No, This is Not a Buddy Cop Movie

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Today I would like to talk to you about one of my favorite topics, my penis. Well, not just mine, but that’s the one I have the most experience with. Specifically Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and its effects on our sex lives and by extension, our partners lives.

Part one of this article will talk about how PTSD, and related issues, can cause Erectile Dysfunction (ED). I’ll tell you how my wife and I handled it, things we tried, and what people who know a heck of a lot more than me say.

Part 2 will go to the other extreme and we will discuss hypersexuality and risk taking caused by PTSD.

Part 1: Erectile Dysfunction

Photo by Download a pic Donate a buck! ^ from Pexels

Between my deployments and seeing graphic images of Child Sexual Abuse, I began to retreat within myself. I began having nightmares and being hyper-vigilant and angry; however, I never had issues with my erections, until I did.

I can still remember the first time as if it were yesterday. I walked out of the bathroom, and my wife made a comment that was supposed to be sexy, but I had heard a similar comment by one of my “customers” before he would hurt children. I lost my erection faster than a politician takes a bribe. I thought I could fix it, maybe some foreplay would help, but nothing worked that night. I will tell you, that night broke me.

One of the worst things about ED is that often it is mental[i]. Failure to get erect once will make you stress about it the next time, which makes it more likely you will not be able to get hard again. When you fail again, it starts all over, and over, and over, worse each time. Luckily, I had an amazing partner who never blamed me, belittled me, or pressured me.

Lying Just Makes Things Harder, and Softer

Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay

In the meantime, I was walking around like Mark Ruffalo about to turn into the Hulk. I was always angry. You will hear people with PTSD say they feel like they go from 1 to 10 on the anger scale at the drop of a hat. Truth is, many of us walk around at 8, but since we are always at 8, that is our new baseline. Clearly, 8 to 10 is not a big jump.

Because of my anger, my crying while I was alone in my car, and my refusal to go anywhere but work and home, my wife convinced me to go see someone. Looking back, this was one of the Top 5 things she has ever done for me, but as usual, I made a mistake that I hope whoever is reading this does not make.

The doc diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. As he was talking about medication, he asked me about any sexual issues such as ED.  I proudly told him no, everything was working great. I put on a performance like Jennifer Lopez in the movie Gigli.  Honestly, I should have won an Oscar for how believable I was.

If there is one thing I can talk about, it’s my little man and I would be damned if I told this shrink (no pun intended), I could not get it up. I was a rough, tough killer, I had been to war and back. I am pretty sure I even offered to show him my little warrior at one point. The point is, I lied.

I guess you can imagine what happened next. My libido dropped and if I thought I was flaccid before; my little mister was like a turtle in the middle of the highway. He was stuck in his shell and nothing brought him out.

Friends, if you don’t know or haven’t heard, a great many medications can cause low libido and interfere with erections[ii]. Now, remember that vicious cycle I talked about earlier, add in a medicine whose side effects made sex as interesting to me as staring at a beige ceiling, and it was miserable. So, what changed?

There is Help, You Just Have to Reach Out

Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay

To be blunt, I tried to kill myself. Not over my ED, but my PTSD was getting worse and worse and I was lying about how great the medicine was for my mental health. I kept heading downhill until my wife walked in the bedroom one evening right before I was about to take several handfuls of pills. She did not realize what was going on at the time.  After she left the room, I knew I could not do it.

The next day I went to see my “Crazy Doctor”, also known as a psychiatrist. I was hospitalized for the next 45-ish days. While I was in the hospital, I finally told the truth about how the medicine was affecting me, my moods, my thoughts, and my junk. Being in a hospital is a great place to try different medications because I was safe. When I say safe, we could not wear shoes with laces, which is why we called them “Danger Shoes”, and they were locked away. We tried different combinations of meds until we found one that I was stable on.

On a side note, if you have not tried therapy because you think it’s “stoopid” or makes you look “weak” or will not work, please slap yourself. Good, now slap yourself one more time and then listen up. THERAPY WORKS!!!

I cannot tell you how much I hated myself, how worthless I felt and how much of a failure I thought I was. If you do not believe that way of thinking has any effect on your Lincoln Log, you are kidding yourself.

A study on PTSD and Sexual Dysfunction found that “particular PTSD clusters and symptoms have been studied, and it was hypothesized that autonomic arousal, anger/hostility, emotional numbing/avoidance symptoms, and chronic autonomic arousal and intrusive symptoms were mostly associated with sexual problems among veterans with PTSD. “[iii]

During my time in the hospital, I saw a bunch of battle hardened, jaded, angry young men cry like babies, but after a few weeks of alternating between anger and tears, we started smiling and joking with each other. Then one day in the shower, I was washing Mr. Tiny and he turned into Mr. Not-as-Tiny, and even though we were not supposed to “engage in any sexual activity”, I rode that little guy for all he was worth! What was the difference? My thought patterns. I was dealing with my anger, guilt and lack of self-worth. I stopped hating myself and started to accept what I had seen and done.

Intimacy then Sex

Photo by Ariel Camilo from FreeImages

When I got home, my wife and I went to see a marriage counselor. We had a lot to work out to be able to be truly intimate. A true relationship is a team event, I do not care if you are taking on the local rugby team or one quiet, tiny submissive. If all parties are not consenting (even consensual non-consent), it will be a bad day for someone.

It took us both to work on our intimacy and my penis (pun intended). She was supportive and understanding and times when instead of saluting her beauty, my delicate dude went into turtle mode, she told me it was ok and started kissing me and she was kind enough to let me pleasure her.

Side Note: People, if you have not taken time to pleasure your partner without expecting anything back, you are missing out. That simple exercise helped us tremendously. Remove the pressure and you will be surprised what works.

If you are reading this and are thinking you have PTSD and have no issues with ED, it may only be a matter of time. According to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine “by some estimates, nearly one in five U.S. soldiers returning home from Iraq and Afghanistan suffer from PTSD. And the majority of these veterans-those age 40 or below, who are in the prime of their sexual lives—face an 81 percent higher risk of sexual problems than those without a PTSD diagnosis, further research released last year in the same journal suggests a stronger link: Servicemen with probable PTSD were 29 times as likely as those without PTSD to report ED. Among men with genital injuries, for comparison, the risk of ED went up only nine-fold.”[iv]

What Works to Make it Work?

Photo by geralt from Pixabay.com

I can hear you already saying “Herne, cut to the chase man, what worked”. Understanding from myself and forgiveness for myself. Communication and patience from my partner.

Dr. Benjamin Breyer, a researcher based out of UC San Francisco stated, “educating patients and trying to remove the stigmas associated with sexual dysfunction is important so people who suffer from sexual dysfunction actually get treatment.”[v] Author and Mental Health researcher Rachael Yehuda said “Explaining the biological connection between PTSD and low libido or difficulty with intimacy can also help partners or spouse support a loved one who is experiencing sexual dysfunction.”

Antidepressants have helped tremendously, even knowing the side effects, they are worth it to me. PTSD does not heal itself; you may limp (ok, pun intended) along coping with life, but that’s not really living.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Post-traumatic stress disorder treatment can help you regain a sense of control over your life. The primary treatment is psychotherapy but can also include medication. Combining these treatments can help improve your symptoms.”[vi]

On the mechanical side, I learned that foreplay helped me immensely. Focusing on my spouse helped take the focus and pressure off of me. I took Viagra as well, just remember, if you are battling PTSD or Depression, no amount of Viagra alone will help.  According to healthline.com “Viagra does not work on its own, you still need to feel sexually aroused to get an erection.”[vii]

I have used a penis pump as well. Now, you have to be very careful with these, you can’t slap it on and just start pumping yourself because you can cause some serious damage. If you really want to torture yourself, google penis pump accidents and read some horror stories.

In addition to using a penis pump, you need a way to keep the blood in your penis, so I chose to use a c-ring, also known as a constriction ring or a cock ring. The pump helps pull blood into your penis and the ring helps keep it there.[viii]

***NOTICE*** I am not giving you ANY medical advice; I am telling what worked for me. These things can go wrong very quickly and by wrong, I mean you can potentially lose your penis. I had a doctor who was cooler than the other side of the pillow and I was able to talk to him about these things. Make sure to see a doctor, health professional, sexpert, or expert before you try a penis pump, c-ring, or similar erection assistant.

At the end of the day, if you have untreated PTSD or depression, nothing you do physically/mechanically to get an erection will help or at least not for long. I cannot stress enough that you need to get help.[ix]

As much as I enjoy sex and being intimate with my wife, and yes, they are different, I would have neither if I had killed myself. If you get appropriate help, the intimacy can come back and the sex will follow. If you are getting help for your mental health and you are stable, ask your doctor about ways to help ED. Changing medications or a combination of medications can help. Viagra, or Cialis, or something similar may be what you need, but these are secondary to you being in the right mind.

Strength is Fighting When Your Demons Tell You to Lay Down

Photo by Evelyn Chong from Pexels

I have outlived my attempted death by 16 months. I still occasionally use Viagra, I occasionally use a cock ring, but more often, I slip in the sheets, I kiss and touch my wife, talk dirty, and enjoy her body and more often than not, my tiny Soldier man stands at attention.

I want to leave you with a final thought. I had a good friend who was a trans woman. She was in the Army with me and she taught me a lot about myself and how to see others. She changed me into a better person and for the better.

She got out of the Army and battled her demons until she could no longer fight. Three years ago, she took her life. She would always tell me “Every day, you have to wake up and fight your fight. Every night when you go to bed, you won, so be a winner for those around you!”  She had a lot of fight, more than I will ever know. She still won because I am here, and I am passing on what I have learned to you.

Remember, be a winner for those around you.

– Herne

+++

Suicide Resources:

National Suicide Hotline:

available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

For the hearing-impaired TTY at: 1-800-799-4889

The veterans suicide hotline (Veterans Crisis Line):

available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

1-800-273-8255, press 1 or text to 838255

website: http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/

online chat: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/get-help/chat

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning (LGBTQ) Suicide Hotline (the Trevor Lifeline):

available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. 1-866-488-7386

TrevorChat: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now (Available 7 days a week (3:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. ET / 12:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m. PT).)

TrevorText: Text the word “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200 (Available on Fridays (4:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. ET / 1:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m. PT)

Teen suicide hotline (Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline):

available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

1-800-USA-KIDS (872-5437)

Thursday’s Child website

http://www.thursdayschild.org/

You Matter website:

https://youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Christian Suicide Prevention website:

http://www.christiansuicideprevention.com/

The International Association for Suicide Prevention:

https://www.iasp.info/index.php

References:

[i] Sher, D., “Psychological Impotence: Diagnosis, Causes, and Treatments”, 19 Nov 2019, Between Us Clinic, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://www.betweenusclinic.com/mental-impotence/psychological-impotence-diagnosis-causes-and-treatments/

[ii] Prabhakar, D., “How do SSRIs cause sexual dysfunction”, 9 Dec 2010, MDEdge.com, retrieved 24 June 2020 from https://www.mdedge.com/psychiatry/article/64123/depression/how-do-ssris-cause-sexual-dysfunction

[iii] Letica-Crepulja, M., Stevanovic, A., Protuder, M., et al, “Predictors of Sexual Dysfunction in Veterans with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder”, 29 Mar 2019, National Center for Biotechnology Information, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6518171/

[iv] Zavislak, Z and Tedesco, L., “How PTSD Can Lead to Sexual Dysfunction”, 21 Apr 2015, Men’s Health, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19538285/ptsd-causes-sexual-dysfunction/

[v] “Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)”, 6 Jul 2018, The Mayo Clinic, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20355973

[vi] “Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)”, 6 Jul 2018, The Mayo Clinic, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20355973

[vii] Jewell, T., “How Long Does Viagra Last?”; 15 Jun 2020, Healthline, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/how-long-does-viagra-last#when-it-starts-working

[viii] Roland, J., “Penis Pumps: How to Use, Where to Buy, and What to Expect”, 19 Apr 2018, Healthline, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/how-to-use-a-penis-pump

[ix] Lo, M., “Can Untreated Complex PTSD Kill or Become Life-Threatening?”, Traumatized Auspie, retrieved 24 Jun 2020 from https://traumatizedaspie.com/complex-ptsd-if-left-untreated/

 

Penis Exercises for Stamina & Harder Erections

penis exercises

Penis Exercises Make You A Better Lover!

Man suffer from many types of penis problems, including erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. But there are penis exercises you can do that can help! Also, learning about your own male sexual anatomy and arousal is important as well!

There are so many sexual and health benefits to doing penis exercises also called “jelqing” (or as I like to call them, “sexercises”) that include more sexual stamina, harder erections, improved orgasms, sperm production, and testosterone, not to mention the possibility  of adding more elongation and girth to your penis.

However, if is important to remember that SIZE does not equal PERFORMANCE, so keep that in mind.

What is Jelquing?

Jelging is basically stretching the penis which aids in creating a thicker penis. It involves massaging your penis tissues, stretching the skin to create “micro-tears” that look engorged when they heal. It also helps with all of the above as well, so is great for penis health.

Does Jelquing Work for Penis Enlargement?

 Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

There are several studies that have been done on this (because penis size is obviously an important epidemic–Editor’s comment). Some say, yes, using traction devices on the penis can increase penis size up to an inch (that’s if you wear the 9 hours a day for 3 months… sounds fun!) and may be comparable to surgery, while other studies found these devices were not effective on making the penis bigger, abs found no significant results.

In fact, jelquing can be harmful if you don’t do it right. So, be careful not to be too aggressive and bruise your penis while performing these exercises. But, if done correctly, it can have many benefits.

How to Jelque

Start by standing  with your legs comfortably apart in front of a mirror and gently pull the extra skin at the base of the penis when flaccid to stretch the penile ligaments and tissue. This is particularly effective after a warm shower or bath.

Penis Exercises: Sexercise 1

Gently massage and pull the glans (penis head) as you stretch it upward and hold for a count of 10. Repeat this slow gentle stretch and hold in the downward position, then to the left and finally to the right.

Penis Exercises: Sexercise 2

Again, holding the glans, pull the penis away from your body. Then, place the thumb of your other hand on the shaft, at the base of your penis, and press down with your thumb while lifting up with your other hand. Hold for a 10 count. Repeat this exercise to the right and to the left, placing your thumb on alternate sides of your penis in order to create slight tension. Continue stretching gently—alternating up, right and left, but never down.

Penis Exercises: Sexercise 3

Holding your penis a little more firmly, press the skin back into your body by placing both thumbs touching, over the shaft of your penis and your remaining fingers underneath for support. Be sure not to cut off circulation to the penis so don’t use too much pressure. Hold for 10 seconds then relax and repeat. You want to maintain a continuous pump action. This sexercise can also be performed while semi-erect.

Penis Exercises: Sexercise 4

Place one hand at the base of your penis and the other behind the glans. Then gently stretch the penis in both directions, away from the body with your hand on the glans and towards your body with a hand at the base of the penis. Hold for 10 seconds and repeat one more time.

jelquing
Photo by Dainis Graveris on SexualAlpha

Penis health and exercise is just as important as any other part of your body, so give yourself the tender loving care that you deserve by treating your sexual organs as if you are madly in love with them and engage in regular sexercises. But, don’t expect results immediately as with any exercise it takes time for the body to adjust, so have fun masturbating and sexercising on a regular basis as both are good for your health.

Safety Tips!

Please be careful when you attempt any of these exercises, as you don’t want to harm your penis and cause erectile dysfunction issues!

To avoid any issues follow these safety tips:

  • Always use lots of personal lubricant like coconut oil, of Boy Butter when doing these penis exercises.
  • Only do stretching exercise when the penis is flaccid or semi-erect, but, never while it is erect.
  • Never do these exercises more than once a day. Three times a week is sufficient for most people.
  • If you experience any soreness or bruising, then stop doing the exercises immediately to avoid physical stress to the penile tissues. You can actually fracture your penis from being too rough, which is extremely painful and can have long term bad effects.
  • As with any exercise, listen to your body, seek medical advice, especially if you are performing these for an extended period.

Featured Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Why Human Males Don’t Have A Penis Bone

A new study explains why human males have no penis bone, unlike monkeys, chimpanzees, and bears. The study, called “Postcopulatory sexual selection influences baculum evolution in primates and carnivores,” found that human males have no bone in their man bone because they only last a few minutes! (As opposed to animals who copulate for hours because they don’t have to go to the office.)

Primates who mate for three minutes or more tend to have far longer penis bones than those whose vaginal penetration is below three minutes,” says Matilda Brindle, who led the study at the Dept of Anthropology, University of London.

“Longer “baculum” or penis bones were also seen in species with seasonal breeding and polygamous mating systems,” says the study. “Both polygamous and seasonal breeding systems predict significantly longer bacula in primates. These results suggest the baculum plays an important role in facilitating reproductive strategies in populations with high levels of postcopulatory sexual selection.”

In other words, those polyamorous monkeys who all mate with each other grow a harder boner! Who knew?

“While polygamous mating does take place among humans, it’s not common enough to necessitate the retention of the penis bone,” says Brindle. “Primates who mate for three minutes or more tend to have far longer penis bones than those whose vaginal penetration, is below three minutes.”

Photo: Christina Appelgate notices Will Ferrell’s man bone in Anchorman.

9 Funny But True Penis Facts: Instruction Manual

Sex length

Mr. Penis doesn’t come with a set of instructions, so many people don’t quite know how to use him properly in order to maximize his amazing potential. And sometimes, even his owner doesn’t know exactly how to clearly communicate his needs. To unearth the folklore of this flaccid and erect member of society and to help provide you with some tips to provide it with ultimate pleasure, here are 9 helpful penis facts that will help address some of the common questions, myths, and misconceptions.

Fact 1: It’s A Delicate Organ

Although men often project a tough exterior and act like their penises are akin to baseball bats, the penis is actually a delicate organ comprised of an intricate system of flesh, tissue, blood vessels and nerves. The penis is both a reproductive and excretory organ. It has three main functions: (1) urination; (2) sexual pleasure; (3) reproduction. And while there are many great pretenders and colorful imitators at adult novelty stores, nothing can compare to the real thing.

Fact 2: You Can Fracture A Penis

A penile fracture results from a rupture to the muscular fibers and tissues. This is usually caused by blunt trauma or unnecessary roughness during sexual intercourse or masturbation. A penile fracture is an excruciatingly painful medical emergency that usually requires surgery to repair. Another unfortunate side effect of a penile fracture is that it may result in long-term complications. So the next time you’re ready to ride’em Cowgirl, ease up on the reverse cowgirl, as this position tends to be the notorious nemesis.

Fact 3: Big Feet Does Not Equal Big Penis

The rumor that you can tell the size of a man’s penis by the size of his feet is absolutely not true! There is no scientific data to support this belief. In fact, there is no real way of determining the size of a penis unless you actually take a look. The average flaccid length is approximately 3 to 4 inches and the average erect penis is around 5 to 7 inches long. The flaccid circumference/girth averages 3.5 to 3.9 inches and the erect circumference is around 4.7 inches. So think twice before sizing a man up by the size of his shoes; you just might be in for a big disappointment or perhaps the best surprise of your life!

Fact 4: “Blue Balls” Is A Real Thing

A lot of times men will try to use this excuse to “get some action,” but in some cases he is actually telling the truth. Here are the facts. “Blue balls” results from a prolonged state of sexual arousal. When a man is turned on, blood flows to his penis giving him an erection and causing his testicles to swell. If he doesn’t ejaculate, there is a buildup of pressure through a process called vasocongestion. As the fluid builds up, it causes the tubes at the back of the testicles to stretch, which can cause mild to severe pain in the testicles and/or dull aching in the prostate gland. Usually an orgasm from sex or a good ole hand job will take care of it. And just in case you’re wondering why it’s called blue balls, it’s because the blood has been in the testicles for a while causing them to lose oxygen, thus giving the appearance of a bluish tint.

Fact 5: Size Is Not An Indicator Of Performance

Big things sometimes come in little packages. By and large, no pun intended, penis size is not an indicator of sexual performance or sexual pleasure. The vagina is flexible and can contract or expand to accommodate the size of the penis, and in addition, sexual position, clitoris play and sexual enhancers such as pillows can make up for where the penis may be well endowed or lack in length. Some oral skills and a lot of enthusiasm can make up for size any day.

Fact 6: Penises Love More Than Deep Throat

Pleasuring a penis involves more than deep throat sucking. Although many people believe that deep throating is the only way to suck a penis, there are many other ways to bring it to ejaculation. Try kissing, licking, sucking, and stroking the penis with different oral and hand techniques. Shower it with affection! Do not be afraid to have a love affair with the penis. The more responsive and excited you are, the more likely the penis will rise to the occasion.

Fact 7: Drinking, Drugs, And Penises Don’t Mix

If you’re planning on a BIG (pun intended) night of passionate and intense sex, then cut back or even hold off on drinking and drug use. In the beginning, a man may experience normal desires and sex but this soon changes as the alcohol and drugs begin effect his body. Contrary to popular belief, drinking alcohol and smoking does not produce, prolong or enhance sexual performance. It actually has the opposite effect, meaning that it can make it even more difficult for the penis to get or maintain an erection. Substances can also greatly damage blood vessels in the penis. If the blood vessels are damaged, blood flow to the penis will be impaired. In fact, long-term substance use/abuse can contribute to long term sexual dysfunctions – including erectile dysfunction.

Fact 8: All Penises Change Over Time

Change is inevitable! As we age, our bodies age. In the case of the penis, some of the changes that might occur include: color, decreased sensitivity, hair loss and shrinkage. In addition, as men age, testosterone levels will decrease. Testosterone helps support nervous tissue, so when levels start to drop, there will be a decrease in desire and sensitivity, making it more difficult to reach orgasm. Although erectile dysfunction is not inevitable, with each passing decade the statistics indicate that by age 40 nearly 50% of men begin to experience erectile dysfunction. This number increases by 10% with each passing decade. Try not to be discouraged, it’s just part of the process of aging, and there are exercises that can help.

Fact 9: A Ménage A Trois Is A Must

The penis and his two friends, the testicles aka the balls, are always down for a good threesome! Many people tend to shy away from the testicles during sex play. However, there are a lot of men that enjoy a little extra attention on their testicles. Try cupping them, giving them a little tug, licking them or even putting them in your mouth. The next time you want to spice things up or include a little extra pleasure in your sexual repertoire, a rendezvous with the three of them is the perfect place to start. A note of caution: Because the testicles are extremely sensitive, use caution when handling.

In order to provide optimal sexual pleasure and satisfaction to Mr. Penis, you need to keep an open mind, know the facts, consult the owner and make changes as needed!

How To Make Love To A Penis

oral sex

Among the many lessons I’ve learned from the men in my life, one that may come as a particular surprise to women is that not all blowjobs are created equal. In fact, there is such a thing as a bad blow job, and men are disappointed with their partners’ orals skills more than ladies may know. Why? “She was just trying to hurry up and get the job done,” is an explanation I hear over and over again.

Although women do earn kudos for being proactive in bed, many of them seem to be going through the motions, something men actually do notice and do experience frustration with.

While there is a time and a place for all techniques, we ladies must remember that we aren’t the only gender who appreciates slow sensuality and the art of lovemaking. Men may not vocalize it, but they also like moments of non-penetrative body worship. Even if he doesn’t yet know the pleasures of cock-amory, if you will, trust that he’ll want more of it after you orally express your loving desire for his lingam.

So how exactly does one “make love to the penis,” as one of my frustrated male friends described it? Slow down, baby, and become more involved.

Remember that he has sensitivity around his cock, not just in it, and that licking, kissing and sucking not just his dick, but other areas very close by can create a sensational buildup and delightful breaks in between those moments your mouth is full of phallus. Guys go nuts over their nuts being played with and I’ve never met a man who didn’t welcome his perineum being teased.

Use your tongue, not just your lips, when you work your way up and down his dick, and remember that the varied use of a free hand will create a more robust sensation when combined with your sensual suck.

Men aren’t always looking for a jerking up and down motion, they actually love to be stroked, tickled and caressed while your mouth is exploring his body and capturing his gentle reactions to your controlled, wet, movements. Try gently and slowly stroking his shaft while also softly sucking a testicle. Or, try teasing just the dense nerve endings of his glans and corona with the inside of your lips while massaging his taint or his anus.

There are so many different bits to give attention to and so many ways to do it, so if you think you may be stuck in an oral rut, definitely try to slow it down and switch things up. Oral sex is not Daft Punk. Harder, faster and stronger does not mean better.

Again, there’s a time and place for everything, but if we stop thinking of giving oral sex as a motion that must quickly be completed, and start treating the act like his body is poetry rolling off our tongues and feathers under our fingertips, you may find that your skills quickly earn the title of “best blowjob ever.”

Yes, ladies, men do want to be made love to, and so do their penises.

What Does She Really Think Of Your Penis?

Men certainly obsess over their penises more than woman do their breasts. Is it big enough? Is it long enough? Are my balls weird looking? Let me let you into a little secret: We don’t really care what your penis looks like. We care about what you do with it (and your oral and hand skills too) and how you treat us.

Still, there are some common issues that we have with your junk. But the good news is, resourceful women find a way around them. Here’s what we found…

Extreme Sizes

Though it’s the first thing we notice about your penis, size doesn’t really matter to most women. In fact, researchers at UCLA reported that 84% of women feel “very satisfied” with their partner’s penis size. But, many women don’t like a penis that is too big or too small.

“His penis was about 10-inches long and very girthy. My first thought was not, ‘Wow. I’m a lucky lady.” It was, ‘Shit! How am I going to get this thing in my mouth and will it hurt my vagina?!’ Big is not always better. But, with a lot of foreplay to warm me up and lube, we worked it out,” says Lyndsey, 32.

On the flip side, Tina, 38, had a hard time adjusting to a below-average penis. (Studies show that the average penis size is 5.1-5.8 inches erect.) “It was so short and thin that I would’ve broken up with him over it if he hadn’t been good at oral and sex toys… and he was a great guy, so we made it work,” she says.

Crazy Curves

While Sean, 34, feels “blessed” to have had a “decent selection” of cock over the years, one penis threw him for a loop – literally. “It was so crooked it looked like a candy cane. I didn’t know what to do with it – lick it like a candy cane? We still had fun though, it just made me stop and go, ‘Whoa.'”

Like Sean, Lisa, 29, was also dumbfounded when she came eye to eye with her first curved penis. “It was weird. I didn’t know what to do with it! It curved way down. It didn’t turn me off, but I wish he said something or warned me. I did some research and apparently a curvature like that is good for doggy style, so I’ll be ready when I see him next.”

That said, if your curvature prohibits you from having sex, it could be Peyronie’s disease and a trip to your urologist is a must.

Uncircumcised Surprises

With a whopping 80% of men in the U.S. circumcised, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it’s no wonder that many women are stunned when they come head to head with a whole lotta foreskin for the first time.

“I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m a little weirded-out by uncircumcised penises,” says Janet, 45. “The problem is that I wasn’t sure what to do with it. Do I pull it down before I put it in my mouth? It needs to come with an instruction manual or guys need to realize it’s sometimes confusing to women and maybe they can show or tell us what to do.”

The other problem, women report, is the fear of what’s lurking under all that foreskin, such as fuzz and lint or that white sticky substance known as smegma. If she’s grossed out, tell her that smegma is “completely sterile,” says Dr. Brian Steixner, MD, the director of the Institute for Men’s Health at Jersey Urology Group.

“It’s just a naturally produced substance a combination of shed skin cells, oil from skin, and some moisture. But, guys do need to wipe it down with a warm washcloth before sex and clean it in the shower regularly,” adds Dr. Steixner.

Bald Balls

The debate over pubic hair rages on. But one thing is certain: No one likes a full bush. But, to be bald or not to be bald? That is the still the lingering question. Most women we spoke to do not find a totally hairless sack attractive… and here’s why.

“I don’t like it. I get distracted. And then I think, ‘If he’s obsessed with his hair there is he judging mine right now?’ If we started dating, would he be OCD with the dishes and other things?” says Candace, 31.

When in doubt, err on the side of caution and give your junk a nice 5 o’clock shadow instead – neatly trimmed was the consensus in Is Pubic Hair Making a Comeback?

Stink D*#k

Just like you don’t enjoy going down on a foul-smelling vagina, we don’t like having a rank rod in our face. “My mouth is not going anywhere near anything that smells gamey,” says Janet, or, really, says every woman.

It’s simple guys: Wash up before you get down. Yes, this might mean you need to take a time-out in the throws of passion to duck into the bathroom to clean your cock. But, trust me, she’ll appreciate it. “The quickest way to wash your penis is with soap and water, but remember to rinse well so that your dick doesn’t taste like soap,” says Dr. Steixner.

 

What Makes A Penis “Good Looking?”

“That’s a nice looking dong you have there,” I once told a boyfriend. But why did I like it so much? Well, according to a study in the Journal Of Sexual Medicine there are things about a penis that women find attractive. And surprisingly,according to this study, it isn’t about length.

In their study called “What Is A Good Looking Penis?” researchers surveyed 105 women ranging in age from 16-45. The number one answer was “general cosmetic appearance,” a sort of “I know a good looking schlong when I see one” kind of thing. Number two was “importance of penile skin,” which I’m assuming means whether there was foreskin or not, women preferring it without. And number three was was “appearance of pubic hair,” which underscores the importance of shaving down the hedges if it looks like a forest down there.

Number four was “appearance of scrotum” which means having “tight” testes might be preferable to “low hangers.” This was followed by girth and length, which I don’t know if I agree with, as I evaluate a penis on: general shape, how long it is, how wide it is, and how the shaft and head is shaped. God, I feel completely superficial right now. The good news is that most straight men do not evaluate the shape and appearance of a woman’s vagina very much; they’re just happy to see one.

 

 

 

Why You Should Work Out With A Penis Training System

Men love to work out their bodies and gain muscle strength and definition in all areas – except the penis. That’s why I wrote the first part to this series called “Why Kegel Exercises Can Change A Man’s Sex Life” where I outline all the benefits.

It doesn’t usually occur to men that the whole pelvic region is an area that can be strengthened and toned. As a sex therapist, of course I know the benefits of male kegels, but when I suggest this training to clients, I often get a look that says, “Huh?”

Now with products like the Private Gym, I can refer clients to a training program that’s easy to follow and gets results. It’s important for me to keep up with what’s new and cutting edge for both my clients and students, but first I had to put my money where my mouth is and do the training myself to make sure this is a product I can fully endorse.

Private Gym has a lot going for it even before you start the regime – it’s an FDA-approved male Kegel training unit that comes with a book, Male Pelvic Fitness, by Andrew Siegel MD, a DVD to demonstrate Kegel exercises, and penile weights for resistance training. The packaging is very appealing to men with its steel grey and vibrant orange color scheme – it looks like a fitness training program, which is key.

The Private Gym program calls for an 8-week regimen made up of two 4-week programs. The first 4 weeks is the basic training and the second 4 weeks is the resistance training. I started with the second 4-week program as I do Kegel exercises regularly. I recommend for everyone else to start with the beginning basic training or you could strain your muscles.

Magnetic Fit

I tried on the plastic/metal ring that goes around the shaft of the penis. It’s snug, adjusts to most erect penises and the weights are magnetized to fit securely on the ring. I found the magnet design creative and comfortable.

Porn For My Own Good

The training begins with 3-times-a-week weight lifting exercises. You need to have an erection to do the training, so….I decided to trade in my Private Gym repetition counter DVD for a porn DVD. I’m sure the creators of the product hear this a lot. I kept count myself and used the ‘inspiration’ to keep it up, literally. I actually enjoyed connecting Kegel exercises with porn. It made the idea of Kegel exercises more erotic and less like homework. I quickly got the feel and the balance. The training is quick, just a few minutes using the DVD.

The DVD has great graphics that show how to do Kegel exercises, and the clear images provide a useful template for your penile and pelvic training. It also offers support with counting your repetitions, but as I mentioned, you might need some more interesting visuals to maintain an erection during the exercise time.

The book that accompanies the kit is excellent. It’s filled with important educational information about penile pelvic health, something that most men never think about, even as they work out the rest of their bodies. It’s really a must-read for anyone who wants to take good care of their penis. And who wouldn’t? I especially like chapter 11, which shows pelvic exercises to do to improve circulation and loosen tension in the pelvis. I recommend it to clients with erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, and performance anxiety erection concerns. Dr. Siegel is a urologist who has seen it all with his male patient clientele, and his knowledge and insights are extremely useful when it comes to how your anatomy works, and what specific issues you can resolve with exercise.

After the first four weeks, I felt new confidence with my penis. I have been doing kegels for many years, but to have a training program that keeps me on schedule is really helpful. Also, I don’t usually incorporate resistance training as much as I should, so the penile weight system is going to get a lot of usage in the future. These kinds of exercises make an enormous difference to penis strength and truly make sex better. I encourage you to read another ‘hands-on’ review by Ben Greenfield here, where he quotes his wife’s reaction!

For someone with urine leakage, a softer erection, an early ejaculator, or anyone who wants to strengthen their penis now to prevent future penis difficulties, Private Gym would be a wise investment at $100. If you ask me, as many of my clients now do, it’s an excellent long-term investment in sexual health and performance.

Getting In Touch With Your Inner Penis

When I use the term “inner penis,” I am not referring in a new age, meditative way to the unexpressed, indiscernible, and unacknowledged spiritual-mental-emotional drive underpinning male sexuality (although that is a good topic for another day).  I am referring to the physical, not metaphysical, literal inner part of the penis.  Did you know that one half of the penis is actually internal while the other half is external?

Why does man have an inner penis at all? It seems to be such a waste of human flesh.  In reality it is very clever engineering—man has an inner penis for the same reason a house has a foundation and a tree has roots. Without solid foundational support, there would not be the infrastructure to enable to a rigid erection, angling proudly up towards the heavens. If the purpose of the penis was only to conduct urine and there was no need for rigidity, there would be no need for such support.  However, in order to defy gravity and stand tall and proud at appropriate times, the penis must have strong roots.  If a house had a weak foundation, it could easily blow down in a storm and if a tree has a poor root system, a gust of wind could level it, and so robust penile foundational support is a necessity for supporting a rigid erection and allowing it to survive in the “stormy turbulence” it may encounter with sexual activity.

Let’s briefly study the anatomy of the penis: The pendulous penis (hanging like a pendulum) is the external and visible portion of the penis. The penile shaft extends from the base of the penis (where the penis attaches to the body in the pubic region) to the glans (the head of the penis, derived from the Latin word for acorn). The infrapubic penis (“below” the pubic bone) is the inner, hidden, deeper aspect ofthe penis that extends down the pubic bones on each side. The crura (derived from the Latine word for legs) are the deep penile roots, which are secured to the bones and provide the internal support necessary for an erection.

The bulk of the tissue of the penile shaft is composed of three erection chambers that contain spongy, vascular erectile tissue: the paired corpora cavernosa (cave-like bodies) and the single corpus spongiosum  (spongy body). Although they are individual cylinders, the corpora cavernosa are interconnected and communicate.  The corpora cavernosa run parallel down the shaft of the pendulous penis, and diverge at the level of the inner component of the penis, forming the crura that are anchored to the pelvic bones.  The urethra (channel that conducts urine and semen) is enveloped by the corpus spongiosum, which begins in the perineum (area between the scrotum and anus), where it expands to form the bulb and extends to and forms the glans penis. It lies in the groove between the corpora cavernosa.

If you imagine your body to represent the penis, your legs are your crura, your torso is the external penis, and your head is the glans. In order for your torso and head to stand tall and erect, you need your legs planted firmly; otherwise, your torso would crumble to the ground.

Important and intimately connected allies of your inner penis are the pelvic floor muscles, which work with the erection chambers of the penis. The two important pelvic floor muscles involved with sexual function are the bulbocavernosus (BC) and ischiocavernosus (IC) muscles. The BC surrounds the inner, deeper portion of the urethra and covers and compresses the bulb of the penis. It is really a compressor muscle, so I call it the urethral compressor. In its relaxed state, it acts as an internal strut that helps anchor the deepest, internal aspect of the penis. When the muscle is contracted actively after urination, it compresses the urethra to expel the last few drops of urine that remain in the deep urethra. During sex, it helps support the tumescent (swollen) corpus spongiosum and glans. At the time of climax, this muscle is responsible for the expulsion of semen by virtue of its strong rhythmic contractions, allowing ejaculation to occur and contributing to orgasm. The classic 1909 textbook Gray’s Anatomy aptly labeled the BC muscle as “ejaculator urine.”

The paired IC muscles cover and compress each corpus cavernosum of the penis.  They, too, are compressor muscles, so I call them the corporal compressors. In their relaxed state, they act as internal struts that help anchor the deepest aspect of the corpora—the crura—to the perineum.  The IC muscles stabilize the erect penis and compress the corpora, decreasing the return of blood to help maintain penile rigidity and sky-high blood pressures in the penis. At the time of climax, they contract rhythmically and are responsible for maximal erectile rigidity at the time of ejaculation.