Mmm… the sexy kiss. What exactly is a sexy kiss?
Is it French kissing? Rubbing noses? Butterfly kisses? A form of making out? Tongue tangling, mouth to mouth, kissing the erogenous zones, swapping spit, lip sucking, dueling tonsils, passionate, seductive, foreplay, flirty or even orgasmic?
Well, maybe you can’t explain what a sexy kiss is, or all the components that go into a great kiss, but you’ll know it when you have one.
We’ve put together this epic tutorial of tips for you on how to give the best sexy kiss and how to explore sexy kissing to make you a better lover!
You’re Welcome! 😉
Brief History of the Sexy Kiss
Humans are one of the only animals to kiss (except for chimps and bonobos) and to express love and sexual excitement via kissing. Yet, studies suggest that romantic kissing is not universal among humans at all, and more than half of the world’s cultures don’t practice “lip-on-lip kissing”.
So, where does kissing come from? How and where did it evolve? Why do we even kiss in the first place?
Culturally, a kiss can express many things including friendship, greeting, affection, respect, love, devotion, romance, arousal, passion, sexual attraction or be a sexual activity in and of itself. At other times a kiss may be part of a ritual “indicating devotion, respect, or sacrament.”
While some anthropologists think kissing evolved to check a female’s fertility via her saliva, others believe it was just an instinctual practice and we learned to do this from suckling. Still others believe that kissing is simply a learned behavior. In another study, smell seemed to take a place of importance when it came to the preference of kissing, and because we humans have a bad sense of smell, kissing may have evolved as a way to sniff out our potential partner’s genes, in order “to evaluate aspects of a potential mate’s suitability.”
While we don’t know exactly when kissing became a thing, the oldest recorded evidence comes from 3,500 years ago written in the Hindu Vedic Sanskrit texts where exhaled breath was believed to be part of the soul, so kissing was the “joining of two souls.” The Kama Sutra (6th century AD) also describes many types of kissing (over 250 references to kissing) including the throbbing kiss, the brushing kiss, the inviting kiss (to entice her lover), the stirring kiss (to ignite his passion) and the awakening kiss.
Some anthropologists believe that Alexander the Great brought kissing to Greece after invading India (326 B.C.). But, kissing didn’t become popular in the Western world until the time of the Roman empire, where kissing was used to pay tribute to the Emperor, as a form of greeting, and romantically (savolium) known as a “deep kiss”.
What Happens When We Swap Spit?
Kissing creates erotic chemicals or endorphins in the brain including oxytocin (giving us feeling of affection and bonding), dopamine (plays a part in how we feel pleasure), serotonin (affecting our mood and feelings of well-being and happiness) and adrenaline (making our heart race), which altogether make us feel euphoric.
This is why we have an attraction to sexual kissing in the first place!
And, perhaps that is the real reason why erotic kissing evolved. Like masturbation, it just felt good!
Makes sense to me.
What Makes a Sexy Kiss?
While the answer to that may be rather objective, as everyone has their own preferences as to what makes a hot sexy kiss, there are a few kissing rules you should follow.
Dr. Ava Cadell notes there are 10 kissing rules you should know about before making out with a potential partner, especially for the first time. Here is her list of things, NOT to do if you want to give them a sexy kiss. ~From Kissing Rules by Dr. Ava Cadell.
- No forcing: Don’t kiss someone unexpectedly without getting consent first. This could be verbal consent “Mmm… I want to kiss you,” or by way of body language: she is leaning towards you with her mouth puckered for a kiss. I say, go for it!
- No judgment: Never criticize your partner’s kissing technique. However, you can praise the things you do like to get them to do more of that and less of what you may not like.
- No tongue shoving: Play nice. Shoving your tongue down someone’s throat is not only gross, but its like forcing. Tonsil hockey is a sport best left for the ice.
- No biting: Be mindful when using your teeth. While a bit of playful soft nibbling is usually okay, biting can actually hurt! Ouch!
- No hickeys: Be considerate and do not leave a hickey unless requested.
- No drooling: Drooling in someone’s mouth while kissing is NOT sexy, and a big turn-off. Swallow it before you start kissing.
- Bad breath: Be prepared with mints, gum or breath spray. Would you kiss an onion? Neither will they.
- No chapped lips: Moisturize with lip balm to keep your lips soft, supple and kissable.
- No slobbering: Like drooling, slobbering is also a no-no. Wiping your mouth and chin should not be part of kissing.
- No lip-smacking sounds: A little pleasure moaning can go a long way, but lip-smacking sounds can kill the romance.
10 Tips on How to Be a Sexy Kisser
Now that you know what NOT to do when kissing, here are our tips on how to be a sexy kisser.
- Timing is Everything: Initiating a kiss at the wrong time can be a disaster, but at the right time, its bliss. How do you know the right time? Check out their body language, baby! Are they leaning into you? Starring soulfully (or lustily) in your eyes? Licking their lips? These are all sure-tell signs they want to kiss. So, lean in closer, and stare into their eyes, then look at their lips. If they don’t pull away, it is probably time for a sexy kiss.
- If You’re Not Sure, Ask: If for some reason you are not good at reading body language signals, just ask. Say something like: “I would really like to kiss you right now.” Most likely they will be flattered and agree. If not, then maybe they just weren’t that into you to begin with. Better to find out before you kiss them and embarrass yourself while creeping them out in the process.
- Don’t Stare: While gazing soulfully in their eyes is cool before the kiss, staring at them close up while kissing at close range can be a bit, well, strange. So, if you like gazing while kissing, do it via veiled lids and a soft gaze or close your eyes altogether. Unless the other person is into eye-gazing during kissing too, then, hey, what-ever floats your boat.
- No Tongue: As a rule of tongue (sorry!), don’t use yours within the first second of kissing. Keep that tongue in your mouth and brush your lips against theirs ever-so-gently at first to gauge their reaction. Slowly increase the pressure of the kiss, and finally you can slightly part your lips and touch the tip of your tongue to their lip. If they follow suite, then game on. But, if they don’t respond to your tongue by offering their own, best to keep it in your mouth for now. If they want tongue, delaying it will heighten their response when they finally get it.
- Go Slow: Sexy Kissing is not a race. There is no finish line… well, not exactly. Take your time, go slow, gradually build up the passion. Experiment, try different techniques, ways of kissing and types of kisses. Change it up, and learn what they like. You’ll know when they start moaning that you are doing it right. Mmm…!
- Mirror Their Movements: Follow your partner’s lead, or allow them to follow yours as you kiss, so you are mirroring each other’s movements. This makes the kiss more like a seductive dance, where you are following each other’s erotic dance moves. There is nothing worse when she is trying to Waltz while he is doing the Jive.
- Be in the Moment: Erase everything from your mind except for that one kiss. Let go of fears, worries, what you were doing an hour ago, or what you may be doing later. Be in the moment, because it is easy to tell when someone is distracted during a kiss. And, there is nothing so off-putting, as you basically telling them, they are not worth the time to focus on them during the kiss. Not only that, but really embodying (getting out of your head and into your body) the kiss helps you feel more bliss and endorphins, as well as be better able to feel their passion and respond to them on a deeper erotic level.
- Use Your Hands: Ya, duh!, I know. It goes without saying, but, touch them, hold them, feel them, move them, while giving them your sexy kiss! Cradle the back of their head, run your fingertips through their hair, and over their ears, lips, jawbone, and neck. Then, if they like it, try other sexier areas to touch: lower back, butt, breasts, chest, waist.
- Erogenous Zones: All those places I just named off to touch with your hands, follow up with your lips, kiss, and tongue. And, don’t forget the collarbone. Yep… It’s all good!
- Take a Break: Is the kiss starting to lose passion? Are your lips sore or tired? Is it feeling a bit awkward? No problem, take a break. A sexy kiss doesn’t need to be a marathon session. Leave something to be desired. You can always get back to it again later!
Types of Sexy Kisses
Did you know that back in the 17th century a German scholar named Martin von Kempe wrote a 1,040 page encyclopedia about the 20 different types of kissing, including the lustful and adulterous kiss. The German language has 30 words referring to different types of kisses, including Nachkuss, which means “making up for kisses that have not been given.” Whoa! That’s a lot of kissing!
“It has been estimated that, before marrying, the average American woman has kissed 79 men; more than 92 percent of Americans have engaged in kissing before the age of 14; and husbands who kiss their wives on a regular basis apparently live five years longer on average than those who do not.”
Here are 19 types of sexy kisses from playful and sensuous to erotic and passionate:
The Playful Kiss: A Playful Kiss is cute, loving, playful, silly and ‘in the moment,’ showing affection.
The Hand Kiss: The Hand Kiss was a chivalrous kiss from the 1800s, when a gentleman would kiss the backside of a lady’s hand to show respect, courtesy and extreme politeness. Today, it is used as a romantic gesture to kiss your girlfriend goodnight after a date.
The Nose Kiss: Also know as the “Eskimo Kiss”, the Nose Kiss is a sweet loving kiss where you rub your noses together to show affection.
The Butterfly Kiss: The Butterfly Kiss is when someone brushes or flutters their eyelashes against the other person’s face, cheek or skin.
The Sensual Kiss: A Sensual Kiss is a longer, lingering kiss that uses the sense of taste and licking to arouse their lover’s body.
The Romantic Kiss: A Romantic Kiss can be anywhere, but a location like a hot beach helps enhance the environment.
The Earlobe Kiss: The Earlobe Kiss is a very sensual kiss, with the earlobe being a hot erogenous zone, and is performed by sucking or nibbling the earlobe.
The Bottom Lip Kiss: The Bottom Lip Kiss is when you suck your lover’s bottom lip between your own which is very hot and feels great.
The French Kiss: The French Kiss is kissing with a tongues, sometimes called a “Florentine Kiss” in France or “English Kissing.”
The Licking or Lizard Kiss: A Licking or Lizard Kiss uses a lot more tongue action with dueling or flickering tongues.
The Spiderman Kiss: This is an upside-down kiss made popular by the movie Spiderman. You can do this laying down with faces inverted and facing each other for a very unique sensation.
The Lip Biting Kiss: The Lip Biting or nibbling kiss uses love bites or soft gentle nibbles usually to the bottom lip or other parts of the body.
The Passionate Kiss: The Passionate Kiss gets the juices flowing and turns on those brain chemicals so lovers become caught up in the act of kiss and nothing else.
Necking: Necking is erotic kissing of the neck and pulse points, a very sensitive and erogenous area for kissing.
The Make Out Kiss: Make Out Kissing happens on the bed, in a car, kitchen table, wherever, and is often spontaneous arousal that leads to passionate kissing and making out.
The Frenzied Kiss: The Frenzied Kiss is the I-Got-To-Have-You-Right-Now kind of kiss, no holding back, let’s get our clothes off and have sex.
The Hickey Kiss: Also mentioned above, you may want to get permission before leaving the tell-tale signs of this kiss on someone’s neck. It involves intense sucking that leaves a purple bruise.
The Vampire Kiss: This kiss is a more intense version of the hickey kiss, that involves using teeth on the neck and gently biting (don’t break the skin) while sucking madly like you are ravenous.
The Swapping Spit Kiss: I know I said above that drooling in your partner’s mouth is gross, but you can still swap a little bit of spit with each other, as spit contains testosterone and raises dopamine, which increases arousal, libido and pleasure.
Sexy Kissing Games
If you haven’t had enough of kissing yet, then read on to find out some sexy kissing games you can do with your partner or friends with benefits for fun and foreplay.
Adult Spin the Bottle—Couple Style: Remember how hot spin the bottle was as a teen? This adult version for couples is even sexier. Each partner lays down on the floor across from each other, heads and feet touching with their bodies forming a sort of oval. The bottle goes in the middle. Then you each take turns spinning the bottle and when it lands on one person’s body part (say their foot), the other partner has to kiss it. The kiss can be anything from playful to full on sexy.
Eye Gazing: Eye Gazing is a Tantra practice where partners sit face to face, with one partner on the other one’s lap. You then start intently gazing into each other’s eyes for 2-5 minutes, building an intimate connection. You can also put your right hand on your lover’s heart, while they do the same, and cycle the heart love energy between you. End this technique in a sexy wide-eyed kiss.
Blindfolds: Try this out with a blindfold. One partner is blindfolded and the other partner silently kisses them somewhere unexpected. This allows partners to experiment on different places to kiss which can become hot a bothered very quickly, especially if you are playing naked. Each partner takes turns with the blindfold.
Sensual Kiss and Tell: With this game each partner takes turns kissing their partner’s body in various places, and the other partner rates how well they enjoyed each kiss. The idea is again to experiment with kissing different body parts, but also to find out your partner’s like and dislikes. Usually, this is done starting at the top of the head, and working your way down the body, kissing places that are not considered erogenous at first.
The Chocolate Kiss: This sensual kiss tastes as sweet as it sounds. Basically you put a soft chocolate in your mouth and let it begin to melt, then kiss your lover as you share the chocolate kiss.
The Champagne Kiss: The champagne kiss involves one partner drinking cold champagne and then kissing the other partner while passing the cold fluid between their lips in a French kiss. This can be done with any cold fluid (water, juice, wine, beer?), but the bubbles in the champagne make is especially tingly. Alternately, you can dip your finger into the champagne and trace your lover’s lips with your finger tip, then lick the champagne off sensually
So there are many ways to perform a sexy kiss as we have seen and lots of ways that you can become an expert at kissing. Just takes a bit of practice and intention. So go grab your partner and give them a sexy kiss!
Can you think of other ways to give a sexy kiss? Let us know in the comments below!
Check out Dr. Ava’s book The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games for the chapter on Kissing Games.
- Is the Romantic–Sexual Kiss a Near Human Universal? American Anthropologist: https://doi.org/10.1111/aman.12286
- The (Mostly) Blissful History of ‘Kissing’: https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7348582
- History of the Kiss: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiss#History
- Examining the Possible Functions of Kissing in Romantic Relationships: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-013-0190-1
- Kama Sutra Kissing References: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/kama-sutra-has-over-250-kissing-references/articleshow/1420793.cms
- World Kiss Day: Kinds of Kisses that Kamasutra Gave the World: https://www.thequint.com/lifestyle/love-and-sex/ways-of-kissing-in-kamasutra
- The History of the Kiss: https://people.howstuffworks.com/kissing2.htm
- From Kissing Rules by Dr. Ava Cadell: https://www.sexpert.com/kissing-rules/
- Danesi M. (2013) The Popular Origins of the Kiss. In: The History of the Kiss!. Semiotics and Popular Culture. Palgrave Macmillan, New York. https://doi.org/10.1057/9781137376855_1