The Sound Of Your Voice

If the sight of something can light a fire within us, than the sound of it has the power to warm our soul. In our musical catalog of senses, I classify hearing as the classical repertoire. There’s no denying the seductive power of sound. A whisper. A groan. A love song. Hearing your name followed by the words “I love you.” Sound is like an inner massage; cells in your body respond to vibrations and release energy.

Music, laughter and words have power to heal and arouse.

As the auditory cortex receives sound messages with the frontal and parietal lobes, the brain identifies these and defines the direction and distance of these sounds by merging information received from both ears. It’s a highly complicated exchange of information involving intricate instruments. The malleus, incus and stapes (otherwise known as the hammer, anvil and stirrup) are the smallest bones in the human body and are full size at birth. All three together could fit on a penny.

“Sound is the vocabulary of nature.” – Pierre Schaeffer

Using sound in healing has been gaining momentum in the medical industry. “I believe that sound can play a role in virtually any medical disorder, since it redresses imbalances on every level of physiologic functioning,” writes Dr. Mitchell Gaynor in his book The Healing
Power of Sound: Recovery from Life-Threatening Illness Using Sound, Voice and Music.

Furthermore, Dr. Gaynor sees sound beginning to play a large part in the trend of mindful medicine, where the whole person is treated, not just the part that is injured. Just as physical ailments can be caused by emotional distress, our bodies respond to positive emotions with better health, which can be brought about with sound-based therapy that shapes and shifts our mood.

For instance, if you’re sitting in a park on a quiet day, how is your mood affected by the sudden chirping of birds or children laughing nearby versus the explosive blare of a car alarm going off? Or consider the various sounds in your local gym. Compare the differences in music between an intense aerobics class and a meditative yoga class. Whether our conscious mind is aware of it or not, our bodies take cues, emotional and otherwise, from these auditory messages.

Speaking of music, this incredible art form is strongly associated with the brain’s reward system. According to Robert Zatorre, professor of neurology and neurosurgery at the Montreal Neurological Institute, this reward system is that part of the brain that gives value to things and lets us know if they are important for survival. Music also releases the pleasure chemical dopamine in the brain and imaging has revealed that this is similar to how the brain responds to food and sex. “I think there’s enough evidence to say that musical experience, musical exposure, musical training, all of those things change your brain,” says Dr. Charles Limb, of Johns Hopkins University. “It allows you to think in a way that you used to not think, and it also trains a lot of other cognitive facilities that have nothing to do with music.”

Given the healing and mood-enhancing powers of music, it can be an important element to bring into your love life. Bill Lamb is a music journalist who has been covering the world of pop music since 1999. He says that most of us can think of particular songs we associate with the love relationships of our lives. Many couples bond over a particular song, one that
they picked for their wedding dance, or one that was playing during a romantic or exciting
adventure. Take the time to revisit your favorite music as a couple and share the happy
memories it brings up.

Communicating Love

It’s important to pay attention to the sounds of your surroundings, especially as you work to build or rebuild your relationship. Reducing distractions can be hugely beneficial (which is easier said than done if you have kids in the house!). It’s also important to become aware of the tone and volume of your own speaking voice. Never underestimate the power of a kind whisper of affection to your partner. Admiration is one of the best compliments you can give someone you care about. It literally means a feeling of pleasure and approval. Telling your partner what a great job they’ve done or how much you respect and appreciate
decisions they’ve made boosts their self-esteem and opens them up to trusting you with important decisions and events. Your gift keeps on giving as your partner’s brain releases the neurochemical oxytocin which wires the brain to seek opportunities to trust and get more of that safe feeling.

NEURO-CISE: SOUND, DUO

“Our biological rhythms are the symphony of the cosmos, music embedded deep within us to which we dance, even when we can’t name the tune.” – Dr. Deepak Chopra

One of the most important language adjustments you can make is to use open-ended questions that invite a dialogue instead of a one-word answer. Specific questions can reveal how your partner is feeling. For example, instead of asking, “Weren’t you annoyed that
the service was so slow at the restaurant?” to which your partner could just say, “Yes,” re-phrase to ask, “What did you think about the restaurant, even though the service was so slow?” This will invite a full sentence answer where you can continue the conversation for as long as you want. Here are some more examples:

♥ What do you feel about…?
♥ What do you think about…?
♥ What do you like about…?
♥ What do you dislike about…?
♥ What do you want to do about…?
♥ What might happen if you…?
♥ What do you wish would happen if you…?

One couple I counseled had what they described as “relationship- threatening communication issues,” and it turned out that the woman rarely allowed her partner space to voice his opinion. Of course he could have offered it up freely, but given the prompts
for a “yes” or “no” answer, he always took the bait. Then she would become resentful that he didn’t engage in conversation. Simply by incorporating these open-ended questions, their communication issues dissipated.

Compliments are also a great way to show appreciation for your partner because everyone needs to be reminded of all the things that make them lovable. It makes them feel valued. Take some time to do a Love List of all the things you love about each other mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Then take turns reading your list to each other. I use this exercise in my office and love to watch couples react to compliments they haven’t heard in years.

Talk Dirty To Me

Lovemaking creates its own form of communication, and one of the best ways to enhance the experience is through erotic talk. Talking Dirty talk is one of the most powerful forms of seduction, and it can make your love life more exciting, more creative, and more fun. It
offers a great starting point for other sexual behavior, and has several benefits all on its own:

♥ It helps escape reality
♥ It safely tests sexual boundaries
♥ It increases arousal
♥ It can intensify orgasm
♥ It’s fun and naughty

Erotic talk is a great escape from your daily routine, work issues, family problems and other life obstacles that bring you stress. Describe your wants and desires, and guess at theirs, utilizing all the senses you can. Imagine what turns you both on, whether it’s a sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch. Keep in mind that, in general, women enjoy implicit fantasies with lots of context and foreplay while men like visually-loaded scenes and explicit action. And remember it’s not always about using X-rated words and descriptions. Sometimes the hottest thing to say is a well-placed “yes” against your partner’s ear.

If you’re intimidated or embarrassed by erotic talk, especially if you’ve been a shy or silent lover in the past, a great way to begin testing the waters is to read erotic literature to your partner. That way you can get comfortable using naughty words and see what does and
doesn’t work for you both. It’s easier to begin with someone else’s words!

NEURO-CISE: SOUND, SOLO

No matter how good your opening line is, it’s not going to work if you don’t use the proper delivery. Here are some basic rules that will help you to connect with strangers.

♥ Be yourself and don’t try to impress by acting like someone else.
♥ Try to make him or her smile or even laugh to get their brain to release feel-good endorphins.
♥ Say his or her name once you find out what it is, as this will you an immediate advantage, since it grabs the person’s full attention.
♥ Use words of a sensory nature such as, “I hear that” or “I can only imagine it” and “I feel the same way.”

Make sure to use an appropriate line for the environment you are in. For example, a friendly approach like, “Hi my name is ______, How are you doing today?” can work anywhere from the supermarket to the carwash. A seductive approach, like “You are the sexiest person here tonight” can be effective at a bar or a nightclub, especially if romantic music is playing in the background. A humorous approach might work almost anywhere from a dog park to a bus stop, but not in a hospital where your target date may be visiting someone close to them who is very ill. If you have a dog, one of my favorite lines is “My dog would like to meet your dog, but she/he is very shy.”

Alternatively, I recommend giving an open-ended compliment such as, “That’s a nice bag, where did you get it?” which lets the person know they have a good sense of style and you can then keep the conversation going with positive feedback.

Remember to say something. Anything is better than nothing!

Start by commenting on the other person or the environment, and then sustain the conversation by asking questions and close by getting their phone number.

Your Sexy Brain: Triggers & Responses

The next time you have sex, pay attention to changes that take place and see if you can recognize these five distinct phases.

Phase 1 – Foreplay

The minute a man sees a sexy image or feels an intimate touch, his amygdala, which regulates his emotions, releases feel-good pleasure endorphins in his brain and triggers testosterone. These send messages to his body that he is getting turned on and make him feel sexually virile. His heart rate quickens and blood begins to move to the genitals.

“Sex is an affirmation of life. By making sex a prominent part of it—placing it on the top of our list of priorities—it helps us face daily challenges in other parts of our lives.” – Dr. Stanley Siegel

Most women need to be prepared for sex with some foreplay ranging between ten and forty-five minutes. Whispering her name in her ear and then kissing her triggers the release of dopamine from the nucleus accumbens that will flood her brain with feel-good
chemicals. Caressing her face, neck, shoulders, arms and other areas will increase her blood flow to her genitals and her entire body will become more sensitive. Her estrogen mixed with his testosterone increases their sexual desire.

Phase 2 – Excitement

Heavy-duty petting can take foreplay to a whole new level, especially when you know how it affects your mind and body. I like to call it “Love Play” as it is playful and can be a prelude to making love. It can consist of kissing, caressing, hugging and humping or stroking, all physical and psychological acts that lead to more sexual excitement.

Whether male sexual excitement is created by physical or mental stimulation, the result is the same. His blood flow is increased to his genitals and the penis begins to harden. Adrenaline actives the sympathetic nervous system, which increases his heart, pulse and
respiration rate too. The ventral tegmental area (VTA) actually releases the dopamine, making him feel like a king.

Female sexual excitement affects the entire body with the increase of her heart, pulse and respiration rate. During this cycle, her breasts swell and her nipples become erect. Also, her vagina becomes wet. Like a man’s penis, a woman’s clitoris also becomes erect, up to three times its normal size. Her brain areas associated with the chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine production light up as they make her feel intense pleasure and excitement.

Phase 3 – Plateau

Oral sex is one of the most highly erotic, loving, and satisfying sexual activities you can indulge in that can lead to the Plateau phase, if you are not yet ready for sexual intercourse. Like any other sexual act, it all starts between the ears, so if oral pleasure is what you want be sure to communicate that to your partner because they cannot read
your mind.

The head of his penis becomes engorged with blood and swells. For the uncircumcised man, the penis head pushes out of the hole in the foreskin. At the urethral opening, some men will secrete pre- ejaculatory fluid, more commonly known as “pre-come.” This fluid contains semen, so wear a condom to practice all the necessary safer-sex precautions to protect yourself and your partner from STDs and pregnancy. The chemical vasopressin, a male counterpart to oxytocin is released to increase bonding with his partner.

Her body temperature rises and changes, which may explain why the face and chest get red when having sex. This is often referred to as a “sex flush” and with the increased blood flow to the genitals the color of her inner vaginal lips become a deep red. Her clitoris retracts under the clitoral hood. Her uterus is pulling upward into the abdomen widening the vaginal space allowing the penis to fit comfortably. The pituitary gland releases beta-endorphins, which studies show can decrease physical pain, including headaches.

Phase 4 – Orgasm

Many women say their best orgasms happen while receiving oral sex or when they use their fingers or a vibrator on the clitoris during penetration. The secret to simultaneous orgasms is to sync up your mind and body with your partner before having intercourse.

Remember that an orgasm starts in the brain, so paying close attention to your partner’s erotic cues will help you both reach a highly aroused state at the same time and maybe even have simultaneous orgasms.

At the orgasmic point, male blood pressure is rising and muscle tension is building to a peak as he’s about to reach his orgasm. The testicles rise up close to his penis while his prostate gland is filled with fluid. The cerebellum controls muscle function as they contract
involuntarily. When his pelvic muscular contractions begin, there’s no going back, and the sperm shoots out of the urethral opening of his penis. His body movements during orgasm are totally unconscious according to brain scans.

In the female orgasm cycle, the uterus, anus, leg muscles, face and hands begin to involuntarily contract. Dr. Masters and Virginia Johnson referred to these muscle spasms as “myotonia” activated by the vaginal muscles. There are strong contractions in the vagina at 0.8 second intervals, the lungs are working at forty breaths per minute and heart beat can go as high as 180 beats per minute. While in the brain, a releasing agent called phenylethylamine (PEA), which is famous for being found in chocolate, makes her feel both physically and emotionally satisfied.

A woman’s brain shows less activity in the amygdala and hippocampus, which deal with fear and anxiety, so that she can relax and enjoy her orgasm. Her orgasm generally lasts
longer than his by at least 10 seconds and scientific imaging reveals that female orgasm fires in 80 regions of the brain!

During intercourse, increased amounts of adrenaline are released from the adrenal glands. This chemical amplifies the circulatory system with each heart contraction.

Phase 5 – Resolution

After orgasm, the body goes back to its normal pre-arousal state; muscles relax, the penis becomes soft and the testicles descend back down to their usual place. Heartbeat and breathing slows down and lots of men feel so relaxed that they just want to go to sleep.

After orgasm, men release a cocktail of chemicals including prolactin, a hormone that is linked to feelings of sexual satisfaction, hence the smile on his face. He also releases a burst of oxytocin causing him to feel sleepy.

Cooling down for women is defined by how long it takes to get her pulse rate back down to normal and for the rush of blood from her pelvis to subside. Blood pressure and pulse gradually return to pre-arousal levels. Swelling in the genitals and other areas decreases. The labia minora return to their normal color. The clitoris re-emerges from under the clitoral hood and returns to its normal size within about ten minutes. Muscles relax and organs and tissues resume their original positions.

It’s important for a woman to cuddle after sex as it releases oxytocin and makes her feel more intimate towards her partner. For men, the benefit of cuddling can lead to increased sexual satisfaction, so fall asleep if you must as long as it’s with your arms wrapped around each other.

Oh My, The Big O

For something so juicy, the formal definition of “orgasm” is quite dry. Webster’s Dictionary defines orgasm as “Intense or paroxysmal excitement; especially: an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female.” This basically means a sudden burst of energy, which allows your body to release tension. At the point of orgasm, or climax, a euphoric energy is released throughout the body and causes a strong tightening of most muscles in the body, which basically means … yes, please.

Orgasm Does All This!

♥ Orgasm enables us to surrender complete control.
♥ Orgasm is the best form of escape from reality.
♥ Orgasm is the most natural high.
♥ Orgasm is wired to our brain, not between our legs.
♥ Orgasm gives us indisputable confidence.
♥ Orgasm teaches us to accept who we are.
♥ Orgasm satisfies us physically.
♥ Orgasm satisfies us emotionally.
♥ Orgasm can be a spiritual experience.
♥ Orgasm can be addictive.
♥ Orgasm should not be hurried or pushed by anyone.
♥ Orgasm can unite two partners into one.

In both sexes, an area in the frontal lobes of the brain, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), shuts down during orgasm. This region is used for decision-making, obviously not a primary function when reaching an orgasm.

The Brain Produces All Kinds of Pleasure!

The brain’s pleasure center, made up of the amygdala, nucleus accumbens, ventral tegmental area, cerebellum and pituitary gland, is ignited during sexual activity. Also known as the reward circuit, this part of the brain processes all kinds of pleasures, including sex, laughter, and certain kinds of drug use. When this section of the
brain was scanned during sexual activity, scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands discovered that there was little difference in the brain patterns of men and women during orgasm.

They also discovered something else: an orgasm makes you lose control. Researcher Janniko R. Georgiadis states, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control” and Dr. Gert Holstege has been quoted as saying that
there is little difference between a brain during orgasm and a brain on heroin. “95% is the same.”

Sex is our second basic instinct after self-preservation because it leads to the continuation of our species. Not that you need any convincing that orgasms feel good, but did you know that they are also healthy? Several studies have hypothesized that hormones released during arousal and orgasm, specifically oxytocin and DHEA, an endogenous hormone that serves as precursor to male and female sex hormones, may also have protective effects against cancer and heart disease.

The BrainGasm

The BrainGasm concept is to slowly build the mental and emotional intensity between partners. Sex starts between the ears as your brain influences the kind of sex you want to have – romantic, playful, sensual, intimate, erotic or wild. By concentrating on the
interconnection you share on the deepest level, a firecracker turns into a full sky of explosive fireworks.

1. With millions of nerve endings in the brain devoted to the lips, passionate kissing is essential to achieving a BrainGasm. During a long wet make-out kiss, adrenaline makes your heart race while the nucleus accumbens controls the release of dopamine (a craving signal) from the reward center of your brain.

2. Once the juices are flowing, focus on your partner with your full attention by looking deep into their eyes to release oxytocin, the bonding chemical that increases desire and
establishes a greater sense of intimacy.

3. Put your prominent hand on each other’s heart to light the emotional fire centers for a heart-mind-body connection. The amygdala induces sexual energy from the brain as balanced serotonin levels make you feel intense pleasure emotions, as if two hearts beat as one.

4. Whisper into your partner’s ear how you are going to sexually satisfy them, and take in their scent of arousal. Smell is the most primitive of all of our senses that comes from the
olfactory bulb, part of the brain’s limbic system, an area so closely connected with memory and emotion it’s often called the “Emotional Brain.”

5. Take your partner’s breath away by using your breath around their most sensitive erogenous zones from the top of their neck to the tip of their toes. When you blow your cool breath on the left side of your partner’s body, you are stimulating the right side of their brain. Watch your partner’s muscles contract with pleasure, controlled by the cerebellum.

6. Your partner should be begging you to touch them by now and with the first erotic touch on the nipples, toes or sexual organs, the brains sensory cortex region fires up. Neurons that are linked to your various erogenous zones communicate with the sensory cortex, to eventually activate the brain regions that produce orgasm. You may be interested to know that the toes are located next to the clitoris in the sensory cortex of the female brain.

7. Make love to activate the hippocampus, a region of the brain that evokes mind-blowing sensations, while the frontal cortex induces erotic fantasies and the cerebellum triggers
body-melting sexual tension – this can all result in an earth shattering, energy melting, all-embracing BrainGasm.

NEURO-CISE: HANDS-FREE ORGASM, SOLO

Since the brain is the most erotic organ in the body, it should be no surprise that you can think your way to orgasm. Sexual thoughts can activate the brain just like sexual touching does. If you’ve ever enjoyed looking at porn, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Visuals of people having sex can automatically trigger your body into a state of arousal, making women wet and giving men erections. If you continued to watch erotica without touching yourself, you could still experience a full-blown orgasm. Even if you’re not into porn, you can achieve a mind over body orgasm by tapping into all of your five senses.

Sexologist and Professor Emerita at Rutgers University Dr. Beverly Whipple is often referred to as “the inventor of the G-spot” based on a book she co-authored in 1982 entitled The G-Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality. Through her work, Dr.
Whipple has documented that some women can achieve orgasm from visual stimulation alone, without touch. She states, “The point is that women can experience orgasms and sexual pleasure from many forms of stimuli. It does not have to be through genital stimulation.”

To begin your hands-free orgasm, use only your imagination to think about what your partner’s tongue would feel like between your legs and what he or she smells like when fully aroused. Visualize what they look like naked. Imagine touching, kissing, licking and tasting his or her body. Hear them moaning with pleasure. Become aware of your own feelings as you let your excitement build.

The trick here is not to touch yourself, but to let the ebb and fl ow of your orgasm take
you on a mental journey to sexual ecstasy. Th is can also be fun to do with a partner as a safe sex activity.

The brain is tangible, the mind is not, and as Raphael Cushnir, author of The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection defines it, “an emotion is a message from your mind delivered to your body as a physical sensation.”

The brain, mind and emotion are all interconnected. The brain is the delivery system by which messages are sent to the body, the mind processes these messages and applies appropriate emotions, and then that coded message is sent to the physical body for expression. Basically, the brain is the match, the mind is the spark, and the emotion is the flame.

While some of this happens consciously, a majority of this process takes place below the surface with the help of some highly potent chemicals.

Chemical Cocktails of Romance

“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.”– Thomas Carlyle

Attraction works very much like a powerful cocktail. The process of getting ‘“turned on” through the feelings of attraction and desire is powered by various chemicals and hormones that complete an intricate recipe within your body.

If your brain is the bartender and your body the glass, these various elements are the special ingredients in the cocktail of life. While vodka can be fine on its own, you need to bring in the added elements of peach schnapps, cranberry juice and orange juice in order to sip a little “Sex On The Beach.” The brain works much the same way. You may have one basic thought (“that girl is pretty”), and then suddenly with a splash of this chemical and twist of that hormone, you’re giddy with desire!

Oxytocin is like the strawberry in the strawberry daiquiri. It is released by the pituitary gland and has been linked to the formation of close social bonds because it decreases stress levels and increases trust.

Vasopressin is like the tonic in the gin. It is a calming chemical secreted by the hypothalamus that fuels long-term relationship bonding.

Androgens are the Tabasco in the Bloody Mary. Testosterone is the primary sex hormone from a group called “Androgens.” Produced mostly by male testicles, it can also be created in smaller amounts by the female ovaries. While most men produce 6 to 8 mg of testosterone a day, most women produce only 0.5 mg. Low levels of testosterone have been linked to decreased sexual desire as well as causing some men to have difficulty maintaining an erection, while high levels may increase sexual lust in both sexes. In fact, women in their reproductive years have seen their testosterone levels spike in
the middle of their menstrual cycle, which helps explain why many women have reported an increased sexual appetite when they are most fertile.

Estrogens are like the cranberry juice in a Cosmopolitan. These are the sex hormones produced primarily by a female’s ovaries that play a large role in the female body by stimulating the growth of sex organs, breasts and pubic hair, while also regulating the menstrual cycle. The brain of both sexes also produces estrogen, though what part this
plays in male sexuality hasn’t yet been established. It is believed by many researchers that it plays an important role in sexual appetite.

Nitric Oxide is the olive juice in the dirty martini. This chemical is released by the genitals during arousal. It increases blood flood to the sex organs, especially the penis.

Pheromones are the lime juice on the glass rim of a margarita. These scented hormones are found primarily in the odor-producing apocrine glands of the armpits and other areas of the body that have hair follicles. Linked to sexual attraction, research has indicated that we may select our partners by using a set of subtle smell cues, since no two people have the same odor print, with the exception of identical twins. However there is much research in progress about the exact way these hormones work, so the jury is still out.

Neurotransmitters are like the various fruits in sangria. Epinephrine, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and phenylethylamine (PEA) are the ‘BrainGasm’ neurotransmitters that stimulate motivation and drive. After playing a minor role in the initial phase of love, it is really in the second stage (“Adventure”) that they take the spotlight and work to help the brain feel balanced. Epinephrine and norepinephrine are responsible for the feelings of an “adrenaline rush”, with high levels associated with anxiety and low levels with depression.