Tantra is an enormous topic with many facets, but I’ve learned over the years that there are a few elements that are easy to understand and are immediately helpful.
Margot Anand, best-selling author of The Art of Everyday Ecstasy, describes the power of Tantra this way, “Truly, at the peak of orgasm, we pierce through the illusion of fragmentation and separation, and glimpse the unity and interconnectedness of all beings. And through the other–our partner–we fall in love with life.”
Tantric sex has a rejuvenating effect. It affects brain chemistry by igniting the endocrine glands for more HGH, serotonin, DHEA, testosterone and oxytocin. (For a more thorough overview of the various brain chemicals at work, please see Chapter Three, BrainGasm: Understanding the Science of Love & Sex). Tantra can also improves sexual health, and
many scientific studies point to physical benefits such as stimulated blood circulation, body detoxification, and strengthened cardiovascular, endocrine, immune and nervous functions.
What Tantra Is
Many people are unclear about what Tantra is and what it is not. Tantra is not a religion, a sexual cult, a new age spiritual philosophy, exhibitionism, swinging or sex therapy. And there are different kinds of Tantra including White Tantra, which directs energy to expand our spiritual awareness (His Holiness the Dalai Lama practices White Tantra), but you can also practice White Tantra while meditating or doing yoga with your partner. Black Tantra is the opposite as it directs energy to manipulate another person sexually. But we are going to focus on Red Tantra, which directs energy between two lovers that include our thoughts, feelings, physical and sexual actions. Tantra is a Sanskrit word that means “to weave energy”, defined by the Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) energy between two partners.
Kundalini Energy
The sexual energy is often referred to as Kundalini energy that is very powerful and can be used:
♥ For a couple to heal a hurt relationship.
♥ For women, Tantra can empower and fulfill their sensual needs.
♥ For men, it can open up a whole new world to intimacy and it can give them the tools to become multi-orgasmic.
♥ For couples, it’s also an opportunity to create a more meaningful and intimate connection.
♥ Mindful loving.
♥ An art.
♥ Sexual enlightenment.
A Brief History of Tantra
About 5,000 years ago, Lord Shiva’s followers developed 112 methods of meditation,
through which one could enter the state of super-consciousness. Some of them included the act of sex. Lord Shiva’s symbol, the Lingam (“the wand of light”) represents the penis and rests in a Yoni (“the sacred place”) that represents the vagina. Very simply explained, the entire path of Tantra is the harmonious union of the masculine and feminine principles in all of us.
Yin and Yang
Like most forces throughout the world, light and dark, hot and cold, wet and dry, positive and negative, there are two essential principles to lovemaking: yin and yang. Yin means feminine and Yang means masculine.
We all have yin and yang attributes and qualities. It would be easy to say that all men are sexual, strong and assertive and all women are sensual, sensitive and submissive, but we know that’s not true. Lots of women are sexual, strong and assertive and many men are
sensual, sensitive and enjoy being submissive. A healthy person has a combination of yin and yang attributes and qualities, and looks for someone to complement them, not complete them.
To experience the full enjoyment of Tantric lovemaking, the male and female forces must be balanced in harmony. For example, deep kissing and tender kissing is a perfect combination of yin and yang.
Let’s face it, if you only kissed your partner tenderly, it would become boring, predictable and lack sexuality. On the other hand, if you only kissed your partner deeply, you would probably have sore lips and get bored with that, too.
“We will make love an art and we will love like artists.”– Marianne Williamson
We don’t always need a big production when it comes to lovemaking, but we do need
to be prepared for Tantric sex. When you and your partner have the right ambience, you
will have a greater opportunity to enjoy a fulfilling and romantic sexual experience.
One of the best ways to set the mood for love is to incorporate all five of your senses in your lovemaking. If you don’t utilize even one of your senses, you deprive yourself of 20%
of the pleasure! That’s why it’s best to prepare something to enhance all five of your senses prior to your lovemaking session.
The property was the Pine Mountain Buddhist Temple Retreat for the past 23 years, known for Zen Meditation in the Ventura County Mountains of Southern California.
The residents were two Buddhist Monks, Reverend Phoebe and Reverend Seikai who made this place a labor of love by opening their home for Buddhist Teachings, Meditation Workshops and Buddhist Festivals. As soon as I met them, I felt an immediate mind, body, soul connection. When they shared their desire to move to a smaller place, I knew that this magnificent land with mountains, an abundance of trees, flowers and Buddha statues would be perfect for my Loveology Retreat! The monks left their cats Ivy and Marley for me to take care of and for them to continue living at the only home they’ve ever had.
Retreat Services
You can come here to study for your Certified Love Coach training, enjoy scenic hiking trails, relax through holistic services such as massage and water therapy, focus on love, peace and happiness through yoga and meditation, practice self-love through healing workshops, boost intimacy or connect with your family at this 45-acre paradise.
Sacred Monument
This sacred Stupa statue is a pinnacle that you must see to believe. Many believe that circumambulating a Stupa purifies negative karma and fosters realizations of the path to enlightenment. When you enter the monument, you should bow to the Buddha inside the Stupa and walk around it clockwise — an experience that can prove meditative for Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.
Buddhist Temple
It’s important for me to maintain the integrity of the Buddhist Temple property, so I have left the Meditation room the same as when the Monks lived here. I told them that they are welcome at any time that they wish to have a Meditation Retreat.
Renovations to Retreat
The renovations include a Recreation Room with gym equipment for adults and games for kids and teens. Outdoor Yoga and Meditation under a Pergola, a Swimming Pool, Obstacle Course, Children’s Playground with Trampoline. For dining, we will have a BBQ and a Pizza Oven, as well as healthy vegan dishes to enjoy under beautiful Sunsets. Accommodation will also be available in houses or caravans, so stay tuned for more photos and our opening event party.
I have always looked at sex as a goal-based thing, a physical act for pleasure, to get pregnant and a stress reliever. Then through research I’ve learnt that sex can be a meditative act with the aim of moving sexual energy throughout the body for enjoyment and sensations of the body. This makes sex to be sacred in my view based on this new knowledge I have acquired.
Sex is a sacred connection of openness between two souls that proclaims love for each other. The pleasure and orgasms we should get requires vulnerability between involved parties. Energies are shared in a more spiritual way but not churchy at all. A deep bonding is birthed with possibilities of a deep-rooted romantic love in the hearts of both parties. Igniting the fire of our sexual energy, passions, and desires with our heart, spirit, and a sense of completeness in our life.
What makes us miss the sacredness of such intimacy is the carnal mind we have towards it. We have mostly been raised culturally or even religiously to believe that sex is a very wrong and dirty act to be ashamed of. A secret act to be done behind closed doors to curb the urge and never to be discussed openly. These beliefs cause us to not be open to the sacredness sex could be.
To fully bask in the special experience, we have to know our bodies and communicate it to our partners. This will help us look at ourselves and partners as divine fountains of powerful intimacy energies, intentional energies expressed as the experience leads but not pre planned. At that moment nothing else matters as partners are immersed deeply. Bodies reacts as the energy felt, that allows vulnerability and openness. No thoughts of shame but an explosion of pure love is exchanged.
Culture and religion put aside; sex is a sacred act of humanity to be embraced and explored by us all. We just have to be open-minded to the capabilities of our bodies. This can help us build blissful relationships full of joy and love. Dr Ava Cadell reminds us that, “sex can be a beautiful journey not a destination”. This is a journey to be taken with great trust to help us release the shame and hurt around sex that could be in our heads and hearts to create a bond with a sense of belonging.
To connect with our sexual energy, we need to explore with openness to experience. Being intentional about sacredness of sex through practice will help us be aware of the sexual energies and magnify our dimensions of pleasure in our relationships.
The lack of movement can leave your body feeling tight and tired. It also restricts energy flow and can block emotions; especially sexual ones. Even when you visualize parts of your body moving, you are creating physiological sensations.
In the following interactive exercises you will experience moving different parts of your body with your lover. The physical connection will be different than the standard lovemaking positions you may have experienced in the past. Some of the movements will be playful, while others will be spiritual or sexual. Movement is an essential element to reaching Tantric bliss.
Movement Exercises with your Lover
1. Pelvic Circles: Do circles with your pelvis while standing facing your lover for 2 minutes. Play music if you like.
2. Finger Talk: Touch each other’s face in slow motion with fingertips and communicate only through your eyes and fingers for 2 minutes.
3. Tantric Dance: Hold each other close and move your entire bodies, but not your feet for 2 minutes (add music if you like).
4. Tantric Hug: Put your arms around each other, bury your head in each others neck and press your bodies together for 2 minutes.
5. Tantric Kiss: Press your bodies together and kiss passionately for 2 minutes.
6. Eyelid Kiss: Lick your lover’s eyelids and kiss his/her eyelids tenderly.
7. Dominate: Dominate your lover by holding him/her down and kiss and caress him/her wherever you want to.
8. Striptease: Do a striptease for your lover and take off two pieces of clothing.
9. Feather: Use the feather on your own body and show your lover where it turns you on the most.
10. Rock the Cradle: Get into Yab Yum position or kneel in front of each other. Embrace. Breathe together, eye-gaze and rock your pelvis back and forth together at the same time. As you breathe in, the belly fills up and you both rock back. The belly expands from breath. As you exhale you rock towards each other. Do this exercise for 2 minutes.
11. Sensate Focus: Take turns showing your lover how you want to be touched on your face and neck. Now your lover should emulate the same touches that you just showed him/her. Give each other verbal feedback (you may use a feather or a blindfold to heighten this experience). Do ‘Sensate Focus’ for 2 minutes. Add music if you like.
12. Surrender: Take turns receiving loving caresses and kisses from your lover for 2 minutes.
13. Body Worship: Worship your lover’s body by caressing him/her with the feather or your hair followed by baby kisses. Both of you should make sounds of love and move in unison to the rhythm of your foreplay.
14. Yin Yang Kissing: Decide who will be Yin and who will be Yang. The Yang (active lover) has to explore with his/her tongue the Yin’s mouth (receptive lover) until he/she has kissed for at least 2 minutes. Then exchange roles for 2 more minutes.
15. Hand Dancing: Rub your (own) hands together and feel the warm energy as you slowly bring them apart, then put your hands against your lover’s hands and feel the heat/energy as you hand dance together. Decide who will be Yin (follower) and who will be Yang (initiator). Yin must follow Yang’s movements, keep your hands pressed up against each others for 1 minute, and then Yang must follow Yin’s movements for 1 minute.
16. Standing Cradle Rock: Stand in front of your lover with hands on hips, feet pointing ahead. Bend knees slightly and rock your pelvis cradle (back and forth) in slow motion. Go in circles, then side to side for 2 minutes simultaneously. Have fun with this and play music.
17. The Pelvis Roll: This is a variation on the ‘Missionary’ position with the man on his knees while his lover raises her knees and rests her feet on his chest. The woman has her arms and hands free to caress herself or her man. During penetration, she can roll her pelvis up and down so that his Lingam can stimulate her G-spot. The woman must surrender herself to complete and utter Tantric pleasure. Use lubricant if necessary.
18. The Swooping Goddess: This is a variation on the ‘Woman On Top’ position. She is on top with her feet on the bed or ground and her toes pointed for extra elevation. The woman needs to have strong legs for this position because she is doing all the thrusting (swooping) down on her man while he lays back, surrenders and receives. Her hands are free to caress herself or her man. Use lubricant if necessary.
19. The Crouching Tigress: This is a variation on the rear entry position. The woman gets on all fours and crouches like a wild cat with her buttocks raised high, while her man presses his lower body against her on his knees. He has the freedom to hold onto her buttocks, hips or waist. This position gives the man complete power to penetrate his lover. If the strokes are too deep and fast it may cause her discomfort, so to enhance the pleasure for both man and woman, he should thrust his Lingam into her Yoni ever so slowly and then work up to a more rapid penetration as and when she desires it. Use lubricant if necessary.
20. Enhanced Tantric Kiss: Get into Yam Yum Position. Begin your kiss by tracing the outline of your lover’s lips. Then take your lover’s bottom lip between the two of yours and suck gently. Next, wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck on it with passion. Finally get a cube of ice and put it in your mouth as you kiss your lover. Continue to kiss until the ice has melted. This exercise is even more fun during Maithuna/intercourse.
21. Sixty Nine: Decide who will be Yang (on top) and who will be Yin (on bottom) and get into the classic sixty nine position. The woman gently tugs her man’s scrotum while sucking his Lingam from the base to the glans (head) changing her rhythm to long, slow sucking to short, fast milking motions. Simultaneously, the man nuzzles his face into his woman’s Yoni and licks her labia and Pearl/clitoris while stroking her perineum (between the Rosebud/anus and the Yoni opening) for at least 5 minutes.
22. Animals: Get into an animal pose with your lover and make the sounds and movements of your chosen animal. You can be a snake and slither all over your lover, a monkey who playfully explores his/her lover, a cat who snuggles, or any other animal you choose. Play with each other for 2 minutes and guess what animal your lover chose.
23. Musical Instrument: Imagine you are a musician, choose an instrument, and play a rhythm on your lover’s body for 2 minutes. You can play a concerto up and down your lover’s body, stand them up and pretend to play the cello or just get down and dirty with your lover’s flute. The choice is yours.
Connect Each Day
Hold hands, hug your lover every day. Cuddle at bedtime. Stretch your body, take a walk at least once a week and dance whenever possible with your lover. Caress your own body, discover your own erogenous zones, then do the same with your lover and ask him/her to rate their erogenous zones from 1-10.
A sexy kiss can be one of the most erotic exchanges between lovers. A kiss is often the first intimate physical contact with a new lover and some people believe they can tell a lot about a person’s lovemaking skills by the way they kiss. Some people can reach orgasm through kissing alone.
Not wanting to be kissed by your lover is a signal of trouble in the relationship. Making kissing a daily ritual will embolden and re-ignite passion in your relationship and keep the juices flowing. There are many different kinds of kisses: slow, quick, deep, wet, hard, soft, breathy, and then there is Tantric kissing. Kiss your lover at least twice a day and experiment with the different kinds of kisses from below.
Tantric Kissing Techniques
Eye brow kissing: Face your lover in Yab Yum position, either ‘Woman On Top’ or man on top, moisten each other’s eyebrows and then lean into each other with brows touching. Touch lips and feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness.
Yin Yang kissing: Take turns kissing each other tenderly and then deeply, alternate back to tender and back to deep for 2 minutes. This will create the weaving of the Yin and Yang energy that you and your lover can both experience simultaneously.
Synchronized kissing: Embrace in your favorite lovemaking position with Lingam and Yoni touching, but not inserted. With your lips slightly open and touching, inhale together gently and exhale together, sharing and synchronizing the same breath.
Orgasmic kissing: In a loving face-to-face Maithuna/intercourse position with Lingam inserted into Yoni, lock lips, eye-gaze and take turns inhaling and exhaling alternately. Share the deep level of intimacy and feel your lover’s sexual breath enter your body and spirit.
More Tantric Kissing Tips
1. Build sexual anticipation by kissing all around your lover’s face with soft, baby kisses and use your hands to caress the face, hair or body.
2. Use your nose to nuzzle and your lips to caress to your lover.
3. Tease your lover by tracing the outline of your his or her lips with the tip of your tongue.
4. Now put your heart and body into a slow kiss alternating the pressure from gentle to deep with mouth slightly open.
5. Take your lover’s bottom lip between yours and suck gently. Vocalize some sounds of pleasure.
6. Take turns licking your lover’s upper and lower teeth with your tongue. Then alternate.
7. Wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck passionately alternating your speed from slow to quick.
8. Explore the inside of your lover’s mouth with your tongue by running it in small and large circles. Alternate.
9. Dart your tongue in and out of your lover’s mouth rapidly and then slowly. Remember to use your entire body and make all those wonderful sounds of love.
10. Use hot or cold liquids to create new kissing sensibilities.
How to Give a Full-body Sensual Massage to Your Lover
Massage is a great way to relieve tension, improve blood circulation, move energy around the body and sexually arouse your lover! Massage is also a mutually satisfying way of helping couples exhibit intimacy for one another. Ours is a culture starved for touch, and massage is a quick, easy means to feed this hunger.
“Easy?” You may be asking yourself. Well, you don’t need to be a certified massage therapist to give a great Tantric massage. The most important component of a great massage is the desire to please your lover. So, here are some suggestions.
Setting The Mood
For starters, set the mood for a romantic environment by dimming the lights, burning some candles and incense, playing your lover’s favorite relaxing music and warming the room so that both of you will be comfortable. I know pretty soon you’ll be making enough heat of your own, but it’s always best to start at a temperature in which you are both comfortable especially since you should both be naked.
You can use scented mineral oil, massage oil or essential oils, or edible massage creams, lotions or powder. The choice is yours, but for the sake of this Tantric massage, I’ll assume you are using some kind of oil.
Begin with the Back Side
About two tablespoons of oil should be enough to start with. Pour the oil into your hands first and then rub your hands together so that they will be nice and warm to the touch. Then place your hands on your lover’s lower back and let your hands glide up your lovers back all the way up to the neck, around the shoulders and
back down, over the buttocks and the Rosebud.
“The touch of love and compassion. Whatever you love to do, you will do well.” -Dr. Ava
The Hand Slide
Now that you’ve got the oil on your lover’s back, begin with your hands parallel to each other and slide them down each side of the spine, massaging all the way down to the lower back and over the buttocks. Move your hands up all the way to the neck, over the shoulders and down the arms to the fingertips. Repeat this motion
at least six times. As you do this, ask your lover for feedback. If he/she is not the talkative type, then just know that it’s better to make the massage too soft than too strong. Remember, it’s all about giving as much pleasure as you can.
Pull-U Ups
For variation, try alternating one hand after the other as you pull up and stroke the sides of your lover’s body. Start by placing both of your hands over one of your lover’s hips and then gently pull up towards the spine. Move your hands to the waist and pull up towards the spine. Then take your hands to the side of the chest or breast and pull up towards the spine. Put your hands just under the armpits and pull up towards the spine. Don’t forget to do both sides.
Kneading
If you have ever kneaded pizza or bread dough, then this technique will be a breeze but if you haven’t, try squeezing your lover’s back and buttocks between your thumb and fingers in a flowing motion (not too hard) with one hand, and then with the other hand. Now slide your hands to another area on the back and repeat until your lover has been well kneaded from neck to buttocks. The fleshy parts of the body like the buttocks can stand more pressure, so feel free to squeeze just a little harder and gently spread the cheeks as you knead. This can be very exciting for the receiver.
“A loving, faithful partner is the greatest treasure.” -Dr. Ava
Feather Stroke
Before you move onto the thighs, caress your lover’s neck, shoulders, arms, back and buttocks with your fingertips in a very light feather stroke for at least five minutes. If you have fingernails, gently scratch your lover with them. You can do this in circular motions, long fluid motions or from side to side. Let your light, tickly strokes and caresses create sensual anticipation for your lover as he/she won’t know where you are going to tickle, scratch or touch next. If you have medium to long hair and you don’t mind getting oil in it, then I highly recommend you use your hair to caress your lover’s body. It is very erotic and highly memorable.
Foot Caress
You’ll probably need more oil now so don’t forget to put it in your hands first, then onto your lover’s body. Now do the hand slide technique on the thigh and calf in slow motion. Follow this with the kneading stroke and then the feathery one. Do one leg at a time. The feet are a major erogenous zone so let’s give those tootsies some attention! Take one foot at a time and smother it in oil, spreading it around the ankle, the heel and in between the toes. Now use the palm of your hand to slide over the bottom of your lover’s foot back
and forth about four times. Gently rotate every toe clockwise and counter-clockwise and finally slither your forefinger between each toe. Gently pull each toe away from the body.
Turn your Lover Over
Your lover will probably have a smile on his/her face because your massage is so relaxing and sensual. Let’s continue the massage by focusing on the stomach and chest/breasts. Rub plenty of massage oil in your hands and then put your hands lightly on top of the belly button, slowly sliding them up the center of your lover’s stomach and around their nipples, then back down to the belly button. Do this at least five times because it feels really good and it’s moving energy around the body. Be very gentle around female breasts. The male
chest can handle a firmer stroke. In fact the male chest can even handle some kneading whereas feather strokes are more appropriate and pleasurable on and around the female breasts/Pillows of Compassion. Don’t forget to use your hair on your lover’s body.
“Joy is contagious. People never tire of being in the company of a happy person.” -Dr. Ava
Nipple Massage
Both men and women have sensation in their nipples (some more than others) so here’s your opportunity to find out how sensitive your lover’s nipples are by giving them a nipple massage. Use your thumb and index finger to gently massage the nipple in a rotating motion moving clockwise then counter-clockwise. Ask for feedback so that you get the pressure just right. Place your hand gently over the nipple and roll it in the palm of your hand. Finally, using your thumb and third finger, gently pull up on the nipple so that you are elongating it. Do one nipple at a time and make sure that all of these motions are done in slow motion. Observe your lover’s body language and listen for pleasure moans and groans. Ask your lover to rate the nipple massage from 1-10 on a pleasure scale with 10 being the best.
Side Pull-U Ups
When doing the side pull-ups, draw your lover’s body toward you with the palms of your hands alternating one hand after the other. Do this motion from starting at the hips, moving to the waist, then the side of the chest/breast and to the armpits just as you did on the back side.
Moving Down South
Before you get to the sexual organs, you should massage the front of the legs and feet as you did on the other side using all the strokes you have learned so far. Remember the hand slide, pull-ups, kneading, and feather stroke. Always end with the feather stroke using your fingertips, nails and/or hair.
Yoni Massage
On the female genitals/Yoni, you might want to use a water-based lubricant because if oil gets inside the vagina, it can cause irritation. Put it in your hands and rub your hands together before placing them on her yoni. Start by focusing on the vulva which is the outside visible area of the vagina by rubbing the lubricant around her Yoni in circular motions.
Her Landing Strip/Perineum
Gently rub the massage oil or lube around her Yoni lips all the way down to her Rosebud. Using the pad of your thumb, trace the outline of her Rosebud and then slowly slide your thumb up the landing strip (perineum) from her Rosebud to her Yoni opening.
His Landing Strip/Perineum
Slowly slide your fingers up and down the perineum from his Jewels to his Rosebud. Feel for a small indentation the size of a pea midway and gently press inward with your thumbs. This area is called the Million Dollar Point in Taoism and many men are able to feel their Hero Spot through this point.
“Compliments are the bedrock of romance so give them freely.” -Dr. Ava
Two-L Lips
Then gently part her outer lips with both of your thumbs and caress them in circular motions for at least two minutes. Next, slide your thumbs up and down her outer lips until they are spread apart, and then do the same with her inner lips. The inner lips are more sensitive than the outer lips so use less pressure. Watch for her body language and for the swelling of her Yoni lips, which is a natural progression when a woman gets sexually aroused.
Pearl Massage
Gently pull the clitoral hood back from the Pearl to expose it. Then gently slide your thumb and forefinger up and down the sides of the Pearl for about ten strokes. You may feel it growing as it becomes more excited. The clitoris can grow three to four times its normal size when it’s fully engorged. Next massage the head of the Pearl in circular motions using your forefinger or thumb. Don’t be surprised if she has a body melting, earth shattering orgasm. The Pearl has 8000 nerve fibers and it’s the primary sexual organ for a woman. Most women are capable of having a clitoral orgasm when it is stimulated. In Tantra this is called “Riding the Wave” when a woman can have multiple orgasms.
Lingam Massage
Put plenty of massage oil in your hands and warm it up by rubbing it with both hands, then slowly spread it all over the Lingam and Jewels. Next place one hand on the shaft of his Lingam and start stoking it in an up and down motion while the other hand gently encircles his Jewels. Do this in slow motion for at least three minutes.
Making the Fire
Rub his Lingam with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire. This is a sure way to light his fire!
Spiraling the Stalk
Both hands go in opposite directions in a corkscrew motion over the lingam. One hand twists up while the other hand twists downwards.
Wet and Wild
Now concentrate on just massaging his Lingam from the top to the bottom covering the glans (head) and sliding your hands down to the base with one hand after another in a fluid motion. Do this for about ten strokes and don’t be surprised if he suddenly climaxes because this stroke feels like he’s inside a tight wet Yoni.
“The important thing is not what others think of you, but what you think of you.” -Dr. Ava
A Happy Ending!
When you have completed your Tantric massage, gently remove your hands, kiss your lover on the lips and give them a Tantric hug. When giving a massage, always remember to let your lover lead you to the places he or she would like to be massaged the most. Be sure to respond to your lover’s needs.
Combine stroking and pressure. Keep in mind, fleshy parts of the body (thighs, arms, buttocks) can stand more pressure than less fleshy parts like necks and ankles. While you’re massaging, ask your lover to give you feedback in a positive way like, “I love having my nipples massaged.” Or, “It feels so good when you use your hair on my chest.” By exploring your lover’s body, you will enhance your relationship and you will find
new areas of sexual excitement that will expand your sexual horizon. Massage is all about giving the most pleasure to your lover that you possibly can. It is a wonderful way to express yourself.
Don’t forget to take turns. It’s important that you learn to receive massages as well as give them. Relax and enjoy!
If you are looking for more intimacy and connection during sex with your partner, as well as balance your chakras, try these Tantra Sex Positions to enhance and integrate your divine feminine and masculine energies.
Tantra Sex Positions
Make a ritual to do these at least once a week with your lover and focus especially on weak or closed Chakras.
Rooted: Sit opposite your lover on the floor with legs crossed at the ankles, hold hands and look at each other as you tell your lover what makes you feel safe, grounded and confident.
Sexual Chakra: Sit opposite your lover on the floor with legs crossed at the ankles, lean in, hold hands and look at each other. Take turns speaking and listening as you share the following. When do you feel creative, sexually open and uninhibited?
Chakra Hug: Get into Yab Yum position; one lover in the other’s lap and press as many of your Chakras into each other as you can. Close your eyes and listen to each others breath for 2 minutes. Then discuss how this experience made you feel.
Intuition: Lean in, touch noses, join brows (third eye Chakras) and look into each others eyes until they appear to merge. Share an intuitive thought you’re having right now with your lover: “I love you and my intuition tells me that …. (finish the sentence)”.
Chakra Caress: Ask your lover to lie down and you kneel beside him/her. Gently caress each one of your lover’s charkas with your fingertips and express your adoration for each one.
Chakra Tune Up: Sit facing each other, ask your lover to close their eyes and take a deep breath. Ask your lover to respond to the following question for each of the following Chakras. Are you feeling strong or weak about your crown Chakra? Third Eye? Throat? Heart? Solar Plexis? Sacral? Root? Now alternate.
Confidence: Kneel in front of each other, hold hands and eye-gaze as you tell your lover what makes you feel confident and powerful.
Open Heart: Stand facing each other, heart to heart with arms around each other and take turns telling each other when you feel loving and compassionate.
Self Expression: Sit in a comfortable position facing each other, hold hands and eye-gaze. In two or three sentences, describe how you want other people to see and hear you.
Wisdom: Look at your lover in whatever position you are in, hold hands as you express one life lesson that you have learned.
Hip Circles: This exercise will open up your solar plexus, sacral and root Chakras. Stand up and face each other. With your knees bent slightly, push your pelvis forward; hands on hips. Now rotate your pelvis in large circles clock-wise 10 times and then counter-clock wise 10 times. Keep your head and feet still while moving only your pelvis area. Focus on opening up your sensuality.
Mind Over Matter: This stretching exercise will open up your crown, third eye and throat Chakras. Lie down flat on your back on a hard surface like the floor with your feet touching. Then raise your head, shoulders and back to a seated position. Place your hands on your hips or on the floor if you need support and tip your head back looking up to the sky. Breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth five times. Focus on opening up your mind.
Love Talk: Put your hand on your lover’s heart Chakra and tell him/her what you love most about them.
In Tantra, “Attention” is the follow through of “Intention” because where the attention goes, energy glows. Attention is all about being 100% present for your lover. Attention is also about focusing intently on their pleasure and sharing your emotions with each other. In the following interactive exercises you will learn how to look into your lover’s soul, and how to make love with your full focus. Attention is an essential element to experiencing Tantric bliss.
Give your lover the full attention that they deserve.
Attention Exercises with your Lover:
1. Buttocks: Caress and feather your lover’s buttocks around the crease where the buttocks and upper leg meet with a feather or your hair.
2. Feet: Massage your lovers feet with a feather, fingers, tongue or hair.
3. Toes: Blindfold your lover and kiss his/her feet. Suck on the toes as if you were kissing him/her on the mouth.
4. Thighs: Blindfold your lover and tickle the inside of your lover’s thighs with a feather, your hair or fingernails.
5. Knees: Lick behind your lover’s knees.
6. Buttocks Contact: Sit astride your lover’s back so that your Lingam or Yoni is in contact with the buttocks and rub your genitals gently over it.
7. Fingers: Massage, kiss and suck on and in between your lover’s fingers.
8. Stomach: Rub your Yoni or Lingam against your lover’s stomach.
9. Lips: Suck on your lover’s bottom lip, and then explore your lover’s mouth with your tongue.
10. Attention: Finish this sentence, “I want you to pay more attention to my…”.
11. I Want: Pay attention as I show you how and where I want to be worshiped.”
12. The TriGasm: Stimulate her Pearl, G-spot and Rosebud simultaneously using your tongue, finger, feather or Lingam for at least 6 minutes. Then stimulate his Lingam, Jewels and Hero Spot simultaneoulsy.
13. Polishing the Pearl: Lift the clitoral hood up over her Pearl and make circular motions around it (not on it) with your tongue for at least 4 minutes.
14. Kiss Her Yoni: Kiss your woman by focusing your energy on her outer and inner Yoni lips. Explore the area around her Pearl (clitoris) for 2 minutes.
15. Penis Bliss: Stroke his Lingam with your prominent hand and stimulate his Hero Spot, Rosebud and Jewels externally by sliding your knuckles back and forth over the perineum (landing strip between the Rosebud/anus and testicles). Use plenty of lube or oil and ask for verbal feedback from your man. Do this for 3 minutes.
16. Find her G-spot: Ask your woman for permission to enter her Yoni. Then gently insert your ring finger inside one and a half to two inches. Curl your finger in a “come here” motion so that you can easily locate her G-spot. It is located on the upper vaginal wall before you get to the cervix. It will feel like a small area (about the size of a dime) with ridges on it, much like the roof of your you have found it, slowly, tap, tap, tap your finger
up towards her navel as you stimulate her G-spot. Ask your lover for verbal feedback. Do this for 6 minutes and use plenty of lubricant.
10. The Venus Butterfly: Orally stimulate the Pearl until your lover is on the verge of orgasm, and then find her G-spot simultaneously. Ask her for feedback. Use lubricant if necessary.
11. Goddess Waterfall: Starting very gently, run the tip of your tongue with varying degrees of firmness like running water down one side of her outer lips from the clitoral hood to her perineum. Then tap your tongue down the same side from the hood to the perineum like the pitter-patter of mist drops in a waterfall. Exhale warmly around the outside of her Yoni as you make sounds of pleasure to convey to her how much you are enjoying honoring her.
12. Godly Waterfall: Run the tip of your tongue with varying firmness like running water up one side of the Lingam from the base to the tip and then bring your fingertips down the other side from the tip to the base like the pitter patter of mist drops in a waterfall.
Paying Attention to Your Lover
Focus on listening to your lover the next time he/she speaks to you and acknowledge what he/she said in your own words. Give your lover a Tantric massage by focusing only on his/her pleasure. Then exchange roles. When making love, keep your eyes open and look into your lovers soul. Pay attention to your lover’s needs and be 100% present when he/she needs you.
When you have one of those rare nights when you have lots of time to spend with your lover, plan a sensual massage. Sensual massage is all about relaxing the mind and the body, finding new ways and places to enjoy intimacy, and it can take the pressure off performance.
Setting the Mood and Things You’ll Need
Music: Set the mood with quiet music in the background that has a slow rhythmic beat. Think of your music choices, preferably acoustic instrumentals, as if it was subliminal seductive white noise. Youtube has some great sensual relaxation music, if you don’t have a clue to where to start looking for massage music.
Lights: Dim the lights and light some candles. Aside from providing a soft glow of light, soy and hemp seed oil candles are some the best massage lubricants you can use. They melt at lower temperatures, about 100 degrees, and the oils are safe and beneficial for your skin.
Massage Candles: I recommend massage candles that are made with essential oils that are skin-safe, absorb into the skin, and scent the air with “real” aromas. The power of aromatherapy goes a long way into setting a romantic mood. Resist the urge to buy massage candles that smell overly flowery or fruity. Guys have to wear this scent on their skin, too. Choose exotic and mysterious scents, and the candles burn up to 40 hours. And, no, melted massage candle wax does not dry hard or leave a waxy residue on skin. It soaks into skin like a moisturizer.
Massage Oils: Massage lotions and oils have their benefits, too. One of the biggest advantages to using massage lotion is that you can put a big dollop of it on your shoulder and take a swipe of it when you need more. It’s a lot easier than trying to find where you left the bottle. A key to a great massage is to keep your hands on your partner at all times with no interruptions.
Heated Oils: Massage oils feel best when they go on the skin warm. There are several massage oils that have ingredients that feel warm when you rub them into the skin or blow on them. There are also several excellent scented and unscented natural massage oils that can be easily warmed by keeping the bottles in a bowl of hot or warm water. Be warned that just like cooking oils, natural massage oils should be used within 45-90 days before they start smelling rancid. You can use them as a bath or after-bath body oil to make sure they don’t go to waste.
Why make a big deal about massage candles, lotions and oils? Because It’s easier to give and more pleasurable to receive a full-body massage when hands and skin or well-oiled. And the feeling of oiled hands, fingers and forearms sliding on your body is a sensual pleasure onto itself.
Massage Techniques
If you don’t know how to give a massage, don’t worry. Erotic, sensual massages aren’t intended to be therapeutic in a musculoskeletal kind of way. It fulfills a quench for touch and making love to your partner’s body, not just his or her genitals.
Tantric Massage: Tantric massage involves gentle touches that make contact with every part of the body. It’s all about seduction through pampering, exploring erogenous zones, slow and deep breathing, and clearing the mind. For as gentle and almost passive as it seems and feels, tantric sex does wonders for eliminating muscular tension, helping to make the body more limber and responsive for sex. For some people, tantric massage takes away a lot of performance anxiety.
Start by having your partner sitting in an upright position in front of you, then into your lap, and then lying on his or her back. Start by gently and slowly stroking your partner’s head, neck and hair before working your way down the body. Tantric massage is not about applying pressure; it’s about focusing on the most unsuspecting erogenous parts of the body, even the nose and eyebrows, sometimes only using fingertips.
Nuru Massage: Nuru means “slippery” in Japanese, and nuru massage is typically the kind of massage associated with Asian massage parlors. The key to this massage is having both partners oil their bodies so the partner giving the massage can slip and slide her (it’s usually the woman, but nothing says a man can’t do this)body on top of her partner’s body while stroking arms, legs, shoulders, back and other obvious places. Extremely well-oiled skin brings a whole new dimension to body-to-body contact and movement. It doesn’t take long until both partners are massaging each other, almost bypassing foreplay, and having the Disneyland Splash Mountain equivalent of sex.
Wet makes a super slippery nuru gel that’s specifically made for nuru massage, but most massage oils and melted massage candle waxes work just as well as I’ve learned from experience. You’ll also want to use an old sheet or a nuru sheet to protect your bedding.
Regardless of which technique you use, don’t fuss or stress out about mastering or completing it on the first, second or even 100th try. If it leads to mind-blowing sex, you’ve done it right.
Previously published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/make-your-sensual-massage-magical/
Want to learn the 6 Tantra Secrets to Bliss-gasms & Ecstatic Sex? Of course you do!
Well read on. You’re welcome! 😉
Tantra goes all the way back to the ancient language of Sanskrit which is originally from India and offers sensual and enlightening terminology. Tantra is an ancient yoga-like tradition originating in India that trains one in the ways of weaving and transforming sexual energy into altered states and awakening to enlightenment, thus carrying sexuality to unfathomable heights and depths.
The beginnings of Tantra goes back as far as 1500 BC; its writings concentrated on philosophical issues and ritualistic teachings such as the well known Kama Sutra, a sexual manual from the 14th century. The term “sanskrit” is derived from “samskrta” which means “adorned, cultivated, perfected”. Sanskrit has been maintained as the literary language of the priestly, learned and cultivated castes of India.
The 6 Tantra Secrets or Elements
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There are 6 Tantra Secrets or elements of Tantra that are used to create an orgasmic dance. These include: Breath, Intention, Attention, Sound, Movement and Muscle Locks.
“Achieving Tantric Bliss (gasms) through the six elements of Tantra will take your relationship to a whole new physical, emotional, and spiritual level.”
Here’s an opportunity for you to enjoy the quest for enlightenment together and become one with the Universe through mutual orgasms!
1. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Breath
There are 6 elements (or Tantra secrets) in Tantra, beginning with the power of breath.
Breath regulates and relaxes the body so that it can heal. Breath can lower blood pressure. Breathing into the area of dysfunction can increase blood circulation. Breath elevates the immune and refreshes the lymphatic system. Breath is the essence of life and there is no better way to energize the body than to increase your intake of oxygen.
Our lungs can hold 6 pints of oxygen, but most people only inhale 2 pints or less. In Tantra the word Prana means energy. Breathing is about energizing your mind, body and soul. Breathing in through the mouth produces an energy charge and breathing out of the mouth releases emotions. When a person cries, they have to breathe through their mouth.
When you are sexually excited your breathing increases so if you want to delay your climax, you must slow down your normal breathing pattern. Breathing in unison with your partner can create a deeper form of unity. Synchronized breathing with your lover gives you the opportunity to connect on a conscious level, a respiratory level and breath to breath level resulting in a harmonious bonding experience.
In the following interactive breath exercises, you will learn how to control your breath and how to synchronize it with your lover so that you can make lovemaking last longer. You will find that you can connect on a deeper level of consciousness and experience harmonious bonding through breath. Breathing together is an essential element to experiencing Tantric bliss.
Tantra Breath Exercises
Breath can add variety to your lovemaking by blowing your cool breath (with pursed lips) up and down your lover’s spine, on the inside of the thighs, along the crack in the buttocks, on wet testicles and on the vulva lips.
Alternatively, warm breath (with mouth open) can be deliciously arousing. For Hot Breath, choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your hot breath through your open mouth for 2 minutes as you caress your lover.
For Synchronized Breathing, face each other and hold hands. Breathe in and out through your mouth at the same time for 2 minutes.
To practice Kissing Breath, hold each other, close your eyes, and share the same breath through deep kissing for 2 minutes.
2. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Intention
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels
Where intention goes, energy flows. And without intention there can be no follow through. Intention is about enjoying the journey as much as the destination, to relax the mind and body reducing your stress hormones in the process.
Verbalize: Verbalize your intention for yourself to your partner. Let him/her know what your short term and long term intentions are for your pleasure and the relationship itself. Then put your hand on their heart chakra and tell them how you propose to have a deeper heart connection with them. As you do this, maintain eye contact.
Write it Down: You can also write down your intentions and give them to your partner so they can remind you of your intentions when you are not keeping them. Share your relationship mission statement with your partner and include where you want to see your relationship in the next 12 months.
Exchange Wishes: Make a wish list of 3 things that will heighten your relationship and exchange the list. Take action steps to make at least one of your partner’s wishes come true each week!
Share 3 strengths in your relationship. Then tell your lover 1 weakness and how you intend to turn it into strength.
3. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Attention
Attention is the follow through to Intention. Attention is being 100% present for your partner.
Finish this sentence, “I want you to pay more attention to my…” Then show your lover how you want them to pay more attention to that part of your body.
Eye Gazing Technique
The eyes are the mirrors of your soul. Look into your partner’s soul for a deeper heart connection. Create emotional support so you can create trust, soothe nerves and enhance relaxation. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
Decide who will be the receiver and who will be the giver. The giver asks permission to look into his/her eyes by saying, “May I come in?” The receiver replies, “Yes” and allows the giver to look deeply into his/her soul. The receiver must open up the door and allow his/her partner to look inside and see the real you. Then the receiver becomes the giver. Discuss what you saw and how it felt when looking into each other’s soul.
4. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Sound
Sound is like an inner massage; cells in your body respond to vibrations and release energy. Sound vibration heals the body, mind, and spirit.
Music and words have power to decrease pain. Laughter helps blood vessels expand in order to increase blood flow.
You can breakthrough inhibitions by releasing sounds and words. Sound releases energy and during lovemaking sounds release sexual energy and allows the orgasmic energy to flow through you for a full body orgasm. If you hold back the sounds you feel inside, it will manifest in resentment, anger and eventually pain. So for your own good health (and orgasms!), give yourself permission to express yourself through words and sounds and sigh, cry, shout or laugh when you need to, especially during sex!
When it comes to making love, sounds let your partner know that you are having a great time. Encourage your lover through words of praise, exhale sounds of ecstasy when you feel them and let the sounds of sex express your lovemaking.
Entraining Exercise
Entraining is when two people make the same sounds at the same time. For example, start by humming with your partner and emulate each other, then make up your own melody and let your partner follow. Feel how much of your body resonates. The deeper the humming, the more vibration your body will feel.
5. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Movement
Lack of movement can leave your body feeling tight and stiff. It also restricts energy flow and can block your emotions. Even when you visualize part of your body moving, you are creating physiological sensations. How amazing is that?
Take turns receiving loving caresses and kisses from your active partner. When you are really truly giving you are also receiving the feeling.
To experience the full enjoyment of Tantric lovemaking, the male (Yang) and female (Yin) forces must be balanced in harmony. Yin and yang corresponds to the divine feminine and masculine spiritual life force energies in everyone, not male or female gender specifically.
For example, deep kissing and tender kissing is a perfect combination of yin and yang. Let’s face it, if you only kissed your lover tenderly, it would become boring, predictable, and lack excitement. On the other hand if you only kissed your lover deeply, you would probably have sore lips and get bored with that, too.
Tantric kissing is when you face your lover and moisten each other’s eyebrows, then lean into each other with brows touching. Feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness and kiss gently at first as you slowly build up to adding more pressure.
The Power of Touch
Rub your hands together and feel the warm energy as you slowly bring them apart. Put your hands against your partners hand and feel their heat. The energy of touch promotes blood flow, boosts the immune system, nurtures and arouses so don’t forget to incorporate different kinds of touch with your lover including:
A Healing Touch like a scalp rub
A Romantic Touch like a hug
A Seductive Touch like a kiss
An Intimate Touch like a sensual massage is an excellent way to fuse your energies
A Sexual Touch like oral sex
An Erotic Touch like finding the G-spot or the Prostate gland
And finally, an Orgasmic Touch by having sex in one of your favorite sexual positions.
The “Yab-Yum” is an ancient Sanskrit term which defines the classical, heart-to-heart position of Tantric lovemaking. In this position, both partners are seated upright, with the woman on top of the man (cowgirl style). The main consideration is that the spine must be relatively straight so that the spinal energy of the Kundalini (sexual force) can travel unimpeded and a cosmic circuit can be created between lovers.
When a couple comes into union consciously, they move their energy simultaneously. The Yab-Yum position draws the partners into an “auric egg” or circle on eternal union. The Auric Egg is an energy field created by a man and woman in the Yab-Yum position of lovemaking, in which both partners are sitting upright and creating a circle of energy that flows evenly up and down their spines.
Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Muscle Locks
Bandhas are muscle locks used to cleanse and energize the body and organs.
A common type of bandha in Tantra are kegels, which restore muscle tone, as well as increase length of orgasm, and separates orgasm from ejaculation in men.
The pubecocous muscle (Pubo- Cock -ssih- Gee-ous) or PC muscle is the support muscle for the genitals in both men and women. There is a correlation between good tone in the PC muscle and orgasmic intensity and control. Squeezing and releasing the PC muscle during kegels using repetition helps increase blood flow to the genitals, increases awareness of feelings in the genitals, restores genital muscle tone and control over orgasm, strengthens the penis, while increasing duration and orgasmic pleasure during the sexual experience.
To identify the PC muscle you urinate then stop the flow of urine mid-flow. Women can also insert their finger inside the vagina to feel the inside walls as they contract and relax. Look at your genitals in a mirror and watch them contracting.
Simultaneous Orgasms
Achieving simultaneous orgasms with your partner is like doing the Tango. It’s a sensual dance made for two people working together, communicating with their bodies and responding to each other’s movements.
The PC muscle control raises a woman’s libido, makes her wetter and more turned on, while at the same time, teaches men how to last longer before orgasm (or ejaculation).
The male and female sex organs in Tantra are called lingam (penis) which means “wand of light” and the yoni (vulva and vagina) which translates to “sacred space”.
The Goddess Spot is an area of female genitalia is better known as the G-Spot which was named after Ernest Grafenberg who first clinically identified it in the early 1950s. It is the fleshy area in the vaginal wall, right behind the pubic bone and between the opening of the urethra and the cervix. It swells when stimulated, and creates a heightened energy response in women. In some women, female ejaculation may happen, or Amrita – which means “nectar of the Gods”. It is the female ejaculatory fluid that flows from the urethra of some women during orgasm. Some people believe this fluid to have mystical powers; ancient tribes used it to make healing balms and aphrodisiacs.
The Million Dollar Point is the hollow point in the perineum (between the anus and the scrotum) that, when pressed firmly, will block the outward flow of the seminal fluids. It is said that when this technique is used properly, the man will “feel like a million dollars”. Pressing into this area with the pads of your fingertips also stimulates the male prostate glans and can result in non-ejaculatory full body orgasms in men. Men can train themselves to have longer, more full bodied orgasms, using Tantric methods, as well as help overcome premature ejaculation and erectile issues.
Maṇipadme, is a term meaning “The jewel in the lotus” which is a significant eastern expression referring to penis (jewel) inside the many folds of the lotus (vagina). The language of lovemaking!
Take Away
As you learn more about Tantra, there are some important things to keep in mind. Be open to exploring new sexual territory, enjoy the journey of sex, allow yourself to be vulnerable, don’t judge, and most of all – have fun!
Chakra Hug: Get into Yab Yum position; one lover in the other’s lap and press as many of your Chakras into each other as you can. Close your eyes and listen to each others breath for 2 minutes. Then discuss how this experience made you feel.
Breath can add variety to your lovemaking by blowing your cool breath (with pursed lips) up and down your lover’s spine, on the inside of the thighs, along the crack in the buttocks, on wet testicles and on the vulva lips.
The eyes are the mirrors of your soul. Look into your partner’s soul for a deeper heart connection. Create emotional support so you can create trust, soothe nerves and enhance relaxation. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
Entraining Exercise
