Tuesday, June 18, 2024
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Erika Jordans Sex Advice For Men

Asking For Consent

With the me too movement some men have become gun shy and no longer understand clearly what consent entails so today let’s talk about What is consent?

Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and clear agreement between the participants to engage in sexual activity. Period.

There is no room for different views on this. People incapacitated by drugs or alcohol cannot consent. If she’s slurring that she wants to have sex it’s now your job to think for both of you and politely decline. If she can’t walk a straight line or speak a coherent sentence she isn’t capable of agreeing to sex. 

If clear, voluntary, coherent, and ongoing consent is not given, it’s sexual assault. There aren’t different rules for people who’ve hooked up before.

Nonconsensual sex is rape.

Consent is clear and unambiguous. Is your partner enthusiastically engaging in sexual activity? Have they given verbal permission for each sexual activity? Then you have clear consent.

Silence is not consent. Never assume you have consent — you should clarify by asking. Once you start kissing your way down her stomach and she freezes don’t assume it’s because she’s impressed with your skills. Look up at her and ask her if she wants you to go down on her. 

You should have permission for every activity at every stage of a sexual encounter. It’s also important to note that consent can be removed at any time — after all, people do change their minds! If she’s saying yes, yes, yes and then NO!! The previous yeses are irrelevant. 

Failure to recognize that the other person was too impaired to consent is not “drunk sex.” It’s sexual assault. 

Consent should be given freely and willingly. Repeatedly asking someone to engage in a sexual act until they eventually say yes is not consent, it’s coercion.

Consent is required for everyone, including people who are in a committed relationship or married. No one is obliged to do anything they don’t want to do. And being in a relationship doesn’t obligate a person to engage in any type of sexual activity.

It’s important to understand that any type of sexual activity without consent, including touching, fondling, kissing, and intercourse, is a form of sexual assault and may be considered a crime.

Both parties should feel comfortable communicating their needs without feeling fearful. If you’re initiating sex, and you become angry, frustrated, or insistent when your partner declines any sexual activity, this is not okay. Reminding her of nice things you’ve done in the past just makes you a dick. And means everything you did was laced with ulterior motives.

Sexual or nonsexual activity that occurs because of fear, guilt, or pressure is coercion — and it’s a form of sexual assault. If you’re engaging in sexual activity and the person declines to go further or seems hesitant, stop for a moment and ask them if they’re comfortable doing that activity or if they want to take a break.

Let them know you don’t want to do anything they don’t feel 100 percent comfortable with, and that there’s no harm in waiting and doing something else.

In any sexual encounter, it’s the responsibility of the person initiating sexual activity to ensure that the other person feels comfortable and safe.

You might worry that asking for consent is going to be a total mood killer, but the alternative — not asking for consent and potentially sexually assaulting someone — is unacceptable.

Consent doesn’t mean having to sit down for a clinical discussion or signing forms! There are ways to ask for consent that aren’t a total buzzkill.

Besides, if you’re comfortable enough to want to get closer, then you should be comfortable enough to ask for consent. 

My six week course Playmate Pickup is now available at Playmatepickup.com with personalized

Who’s Your Daddy

Let’s talk about the word Daddy. Most women have at one point heard who’s your Daddy? In my early 20s I was not a fan. I immediately thought of my own father who was a vile human being that left me with a series case of daddy issues.. I went to therapy for years. Every self help seminar in sight… I pursued comedy as a form of therapy and creating content became art therapy for me. As I came to accept myself I realized that the neglect and abuse I suffered as a kid helped shape me. I could heal from it and move on but it’s woven into my foundation. It’s not shameful to have a hole in your heart. We are all beautiful complex statues and our variations, chips and missing pieces are part of what makes us unique and beautiful.

As I started to accept myself the way I was I realized that I was happiest in relationships where the man is a head of me in life. A bit smarter, more successful.. I was happiest when the man took care of me. It worked for me because it filled the void in my heart. All of a sudden I adored the word “Daddy.” It never meant father to me. I’ve never called my actual father anything besides his first name. Daddy is a protector. Daddy’s got this.. all the things my dad never was.

Lately I’ve encountered a few men that were confused when their lover referred to them as daddy in bed. They got concerned and turned off. It’s not for everyone and it’s important to know it means something different to every person. Some might like role playing daddy / little girl. Some might incorporate it into their bdsm fun. It’s not a bad thing to ask, what does Daddy mean to you?

For me Daddy is a vibe. It’s not about male or female. They are alpha, they are in control, they are confident, generous, strong and always has my back. That’s Daddy.

For more of Erika in the audio world check out Secrets of a Sexologist.

Erika Jordan

Certified Love Coach, NLP practitioner

My six week course, The Art of Pickup, is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com

Mistress Damiana Chi PhD Interview with Erika Jordan for Sexpert.com

Mistress Damiana Chi PhD

You are fascinating! Can you give us your back story?

Well…the short version is: I have been a full-time professional dominatrix for over 20 years. My interest in it began when I was curious about the psychology of BDSM while I was in my master’s program in counseling psychology.  I wrote a few papers on it then, and then when I went into my doctorate program in clinical psychology, I continued writing papers on it, and eventually writing my doctoral dissertation on it.

I am the founder of a psychologically-based, worldwide Dominatrix Training Program—The Evolutionary Dominatrix™ Academy. Which is a one-of-a-kind, comprehensive, high-level mentorship program in the art and mastery of Female Domination. In which I certify Dominatrixes upon graduation.  I am also a certified sexologist, specializing in kink-centered life coaching.

As a coach I’ve often struggled with destructive patterns in my clients. I’ve wondered if maybe the gentle guidance approach is ineffective for some and they need something more. How did you come up with incorporating BDSM into your therapy?

BDSM, when practiced correctly, is in and of itself, a healing modality.  There is a tremendous amount of trust and understanding being built in the foundation of the pre-scene negotiations even before the session begins.  The submissive feels seen, accepted, valued, and engaged with on levels that are very powerful and healing.  When all of this is established in the safe, sane, consensual and ethical container of the session, we can freely “play” in the dark places that we don’t go to in the vanilla world.

How did you begin and how have you transformed since then?

I began my pro domme career as a psychology graduate student because I wanted to immerse myself in the subject that I was writing about. As I had mentioned earlier, and found that I was a “natural” dominant.  This was not surprising, as I had always been dominant in my romantic relationships.  The transformation that I have experienced over the span of two decades is enormous. And I am still growing every day, as a domme, and as a woman.  I love and accept people, especially men, on a deep level that I did not realize was possible.  When they open up and show me their most vulnerable and intimate sides of themselves, I see them as the most beautiful beings on the planet.

Can you tell us about a success story you have had?

Literally all of the clients and subs that I have ever sessioned with is a success story.  I am not exaggerating, nor trying to boast.  I have a saying: “I am a Lightworker who plays in the Dark.”  A lightworker is a healer—one who brings light to those whose lives they touch.  After sessions, my subs feel a profound sense of happiness, not just in a momentary sense, but on a deep level, because the needs of this special kind of connection have been met.

What type of clients do you tend to attract?

I attract all types, but most of my clients are successful, high-educated, emotionally intelligent professionals.

How do you incorporate BDSM into a session when the client likes pain and see it as positive reinforcement?

There are two types of sessions that I do: traditional BDSM sessions and kink-centered life coaching.  I do not mix the two, but if someone wants one form and then the other, we discuss and agree on the plan of action together.  If there is a client that “likes pain,” then this would be a BDSM session.  There are two basic dynamics that a BDSM session can take form: Domme/sub (domination) or Top/bottom.

When you ask about how to see pain as positive reinforcement, then this would most likely fall under a domination dynamic.  When I do a “slave training” session with corporal punishment, I would usually frame the reasoning for the pain in these three ways for positive reinforcement: 1) taking pain as a regular practice makes them into a better submissive for me, 2) taking pain provides me pleasure as a sadist, 3) taking pain will atone for their transgressions.

Can you walk us through a session? I’m sure they’re all very different so just pick one you’d like to showcase.

There are countless scenarios for sessions, but I have a basic slave training program that I put many of my subs through, in which there are 4 categories.  I have created the acronym WAPP! (the sound of an implement hitting an ass) to signify the 4 categories: Worship, Abasement, Pain and Penetration.

All of these things will make for a better slave.  Abasement is making the sub lower than the Domme, to help them understand their lower status.  This can be having the sub kneel, crawl, pulled by collar and leash.  Pain can be corporal or cock and ball torture or nipple torture, commonly.  Penetration can be anything put in any orifice of the sub’s body: ass, mouth, urethra, ears, and nostrils.  Worship is making the slave worship the domme by kissing or massaging her feet, shoes, and boots (commonly).

Is your dungeon available to anyone besides your clients? Do you rent it out?

My dungeon, The Chi Temple, is my private play space, available to a selected few Domme friends who rent it for sessions.  I also run my in-person workshops there: The Dominatrix Archetype™ Workshop, and the Advanced BDSM Workshop.

What is your favorite thing about BDSM?

I feel blessed to be able to bond with people in this very special, profound, intimate way.  The relationships I have built in the BDSM world are lifelong and treasured.

Would you say your occupation has bled into your personal life and if so in what way?

I would say that my occupation has helped me practice very clear boundaries, confidence, knowing who I am, and zero victim mentality.  The dommes I know also have these strengths and more.

How can someone sign up for a session with you?

People can go to my website, MistressDamianaChi.com to apply for a BDSM session, and BDSMsexologist.com to apply for a kink-centered coaching session.

What kind of client is the right fit for you?

Someone who is respectful, polite, sincere, open about who they are and what they are looking for, follows direction, not a timewaster.

Tell us about a time you had to end a session prematurely because the client was out of line.

This has never happened in my 20+ years of sessions because I have a really effective screening protocol.  There was only a mismatch a long time ago, early in my career, where there was a guy who acted strangely, and afterwards I found out that he was high on cocaine.  Since then, I have had a zero tolerance policy for substance abuse during sessions.

How do you treat destructive patterns?

I do not see people with destructive patterns. In these cases I refer them to friends of mine who are kink-aware psychotherapists.  I am not a practicing, licensed psychotherapist, although I have been trained as one.

What do you do when the client comes to you to end his love of BDSM or a particular fetish?

I have never had a request from anyone who wants to end his love of BDSM or a fetish.  As a sexologist, I work with clients in an empathic, coaching-style approach in support of a sex-positive kink/BDSM lifestyle, focusing on building a healthy self-image and self-acceptance.  If someone has a desire for BDSM to an unhealthy degree, I believe that there are other mental imbalances at play. In which case, I would refer them out to kink-aware psychotherapists.

Tell us about your program? Who is it best suited for? Where can they find it?

The Evolutionary Dominatrix™ Academy is a one-of-a-kind, psychologically-based, comprehensive, high-level mentorship and certification program in the art and mastery of Female Domination.  It is best suited for women (cis and trans women, and non-binary femme people) who highly value their personal and/or professional growth, the development of their female domination mastery skills, and a comprehensive BDSM education.  The website is Academy.TheEvolutionaryDominatrix.com.

Bio:

Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. is a professional and lifestyle dominatrix who has held a full-time practice for over 20 years at The Chi Temple, her elegantly-appointed BDSM studio in Los Angeles, enjoying a range of clientele and subs, from novice to seasoned. She holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, an M.A. in counseling psychology, B.A. in behavioral sciences, and is a certified sexologist, specializing in kink-centered coaching.

Mistress Damiana is the founder The Evolutionary Dominatrix™ Academy, in which she personally mentors women, in all parts of the world online, in the art of Female Domination with her self-developed psychologically-based methodology and domination framework, as well as an in-depth focus in submissive psychology. The marriage of her psychological background and passion for the BDSM arts and D/s dynamics gave birth to her evolutionary teachings, taking FemDom to a new level of excellence, connection and joy.

Mistress Damiana also offers in-person trainings, such as her signature course: The Dominatrix Archetype: A Psychological and Practical Methodology Workshop (for Academy students or accepted applicants), and The Advanced BDSM Workshop (for Academy students or alumni).

Go to BDSMsexologist.com for more information about consultations and coaching, and MistressDamianaChi.com to apply for private BDSM sessions.

https://academy.theevolutionarydominatrix.com

https://www.mistressdamianachi.com

https://www.bdsmsexologist.com

For more hot talk go back to the beginning with Erika Jordan and the birth of the Playmate Pickup Podcast.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, Playmate Pickup is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

 

Lelo Ina Wave Review by Erika Jordan

New! Lelo Ina Wave Video Review by Erika Jordan

Watch here on Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyhoO3qPBtg

Erika Jordan reviews the Ina Wave by Lelo in her latest video post on Youtube.

Set patterns, wild variations, g-spot stimulation, something for everyone!

Most impressive of the products that Erika tried, she had two orgasm in the first few minutes! Or, as she likes to call it, “Lazy Masturbation!” LOL! aka: Very  minimal work for extreme results! She also likes that it was rechargeable, plug it in, charge it, and its ready to go, just like your phone. The clit stimulation part was perfect, with even vibrations that took her clit stimulation to a whole new level of WOW! A complete wave of ecstasy…

Get creative with it, its a lot of fun. Find what works for you.

Definitely Erika’s FAV toy by Lelo thus far. A BIG Winner!

Lelo is a wonderful brand. The Channel of Sex Toys!

Get the Lelo Ina Wave Here!

 

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Masturbate Your Way To Greatness

Erika Jordan Podcast

Erika Jordan is back with another episode of the Playmate Pickup podcast. This week in honor of Masturbation May she dives right in with Masturbate Your Way To Greatness. Since this is Erika the stories will be revealing and all about masturbation. Erika includes news about the health benefits of masturbation. Also includes the tips you need to ensure your self love is all it can be.

Not every episode of self love needs to be a solo adventure. Let Erika Jordan guide you with The Ultimate Sex Game.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Cutting It Up With Renee Olstead

Playmate Pickup Podcast

Catch brunch with a child star, a singer, a OnlyFans star, a late night star and couple of psychology students. All wrapped up in a couple of multi talented gals trying to get by in a fractionated world. Listen in on a conversation between Erika Jordan and Renee Olstead.

Instagram: XORenee

OnlyFans: XOReneeVIP

For more hot talk go back to the beginning with Erika Jordan and the birth of the Playmate Pickup Podcast.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, Playmate Pickup is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

 

Secrets of a Sexologist

Playmate Pickup Podcast

Tune in for Erika Jordan’s interview with Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce! World renowned host of top Intimacy Retreats around the world! Men and women travel from all over the world to partake in one of Dr. Nancy’s retreats or sessions.

Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce: Drnsp.com

Instagram: @Dr.nancysuttonpierce

For more hot talk go back to the beginning with Erika Jordan and the birth of the Playmate Pickup Podcast.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, Playmate Pickup is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

 

Why You Need a Ginger

I was raised with old-fashioned values so in an attempt to keep my numbers down I had a ginger. I’m going to tell you what a ginger is and why you need one..

No, I’m not talking about a redhead! I’m talking about the ginger you eat in between sushi rolls to cleanse your palette!

Your relationship ends you’re dealing with sadness, disappointment, anger. After some time goes by you know you’re not entirely ready to fall in love but you’re lonely and horny. After a relationship ended I had a guy I called and he knew damn well to break into the “I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You need a drink”. We would go on a trip together and have amazing passionate sex and then go back to our respective lives. It doesn’t become a thing it is what it is. I call it a ginger because it’s like cleansing the pallet between entrees.

For me I found that it helps to prevent some of the issues from the previous relationship to follow you into the next. If you go straight into your next relationship you’re likely to be triggered by things that remind you of your ex and occasionally have trouble separating this new person from your last. It might not be for everyone but it’s definitely worked out for me.

For life on the wild side check out Erika Jordan with Carol and David on the Playmate Pickup Podcast.

Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence, and get them to want you!!!! Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, Playmate Pickup is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Swingers Podcast – Swinging with Carol and David

Playmate Pickup Podcast

Many of you are curious about the swinging life and want to know what it entails and if it’s for you. SO, Erika Jordan brought on Carol and David, the king and queen of swinging!

There are certain terms you should become familiar with right away. Phrases like “hard swap” essentially denote couples who are open to having full-on sexual relations with another couple. Or, a “unicorn” refers to a woman who attends swingers events alone – yes, this isn’t just for couples. Other terms to know are “soft swap,” which is basically the opposite of what a hard swap is and that everything is on the table except for sex. And, last but not least, the phrase is “the lifestyle” refers to the – you guessed it – the swinger lifestyle.

For life on the funny side check out Erika Jordan and Tenere Williams in The Girlfriend Experience Zoom Style. For the very creative this may work for swinging also.

Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence, and get them to want you!!!! Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Erika Jordan Certified Love Coach, NLP Practitioner

Champagne Bath What Are You Waiting For

Today I am gonna blow your mind! You know how things that taste good or feel good are usually bad for you? Like Twinkies and bacon.. WELL!!!! Have you tried a champagne bath? Champagne contains resveratrol, a potent antioxidant that can act as a shield against damage and provides serious anti-aging benefits. Champagne can be used as a toner to help promote clear skin. The polyphenols found in champagne help reduce inflammation and skin redness, while the tartaric acid evens out tone. Mind blown.

This sounds cool and all but what does this have to do with relationships or sex?! A few weeks ago I was shooting a custom video in which I had to pour 2 bottles of champagne on myself. The bubbles felt like a light electricity on my skin. Insanely arousing.. so I immediately wondered why I had never incorporated this into my sex life and I dug in!

Of course if we filled an actual bathtub with a sugary champagne, although decadent, we could end up with a yeast infection or a UTI. Most of the champagne baths you see online are made to look like champagne with a foam on the surface and water underneath. Although you can find spas and hotels that offer champagne baths. I recommend taking a shower afterwards. Back to bubbles of electricity on my skin. The sensation of the bubbles dancing on my skin was truly magical. I highly recommend you incorporate this trick into your sex life to keep things sexy!

For more of that tingling sensation listen to Erika Jordan with How To Get A Woman To Touch You.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Erika Jordan

Certified Love Coach, NLP Practitioner