Have you guys seen the show on Netflix called Sex Life? I binge watched it! A suburban Mother’s attempts to settle for a life of stability and comfort after years of wild passionate craziness. Can you relate?
You’re wild, you’re passionate, you have wild kinky fun and do shit you don’t want your mother to know about. But then you get to a certain part of your life and you feel the need to get it out of your system and settle down with a nice girl. The girl from the church book club wasn’t appealing last year why do we suddenly think that is who we should settle down with?
This societal norm could be contributing to our high divorce rates. If you are passionate, sexual, wild and crazy. Why do you think it’s just a phase? What is wrong with incorporating that passionate fun into your life? Why do we feel we cannot have love, family and stability without eliminating the kinky passion we once lived for?
In my years as a Love Coach I have encountered numerous men who were unable to settle down, slept with multiple women in a week, and avoided commitment like the plague. Yet they got to a point in which they felt it was time to settle down and then instead of choosing a female similar to the ones they were attracted to they seek out a completely different type. The good girl. The girl their mom wants them to marry. Two years later they are cheating and unhappy.
I understand the logic. Insanity is someone who dates the same type of person over and over again expecting different results. Someone who is good for fun might not be good for a long-term relationship. But to go in the complete opposite direction of what excites you is a recipe for disaster. There is a middle ground! Yes, you can have it all.
Most of us want the comfort and safety of a long term relationship while still wanting to hold onto the excitement of our youth. Trying new things together, leaving your comfort zone, and communicating your desires and fears can help relationships maintain their passion.
One of my favorite suggestions for couples is to write a list of things you’d like to try together. Perhaps it is a sexual list, perhaps it isn’t. Try to come up with at least 10 activities each and have them approved by your partner. You can’t decide to have a threesome or go skydiving with an unwilling participant. Write each one on a piece of paper, fold them up and put them in a jar. Once every other week close your eyes and take one from the jar. Routine can be comforting but it can also lead to boredom. We humans have a need for certainty but we also have a need for uncertainty.
Erika Jordan is a world renowned Love Expert and NLP practitioner