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Domina Doll

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Domina Doll is a sex writer, sexpert, and sex toy diva at PopMyCherryReview.com as well as an aspiring Passion & Pleasure Coach. She has dabbled as a fetish photographer, sex toy peddler, and jill of all trades, but her passion is teaching others about positive sexuality, intimacy and how to have passion-filled relationships. Her work has been published in several sex related magazines including Women's Health, Lover Magazine, Whiplash!, SMUT, Good Vibes, Carnal Nation, SexLifeCanada and Blog Her (Sex). She is also the go to sexpert gal at AllExperts.com, where she answers questions about sex toys and sexuality in general. Domina has also ghostwritten sexpert e-books as well as her own sex guides including: "Jillin' Off: A Girl's Guide to Solo Sex". Her favorite quote: "Sex is emotion in motion." by Mae West. Happy Orgasms xxx Domina

Ask the Sexpert

Hello Sexual Seeker!

Welcome to Sexpert.com’s column: Ask the Sexpert!

NEW! At Sexpert.com!

Ask The Sexpert new column at:
https://medium.com/ask-the-sexpert/

We are a passionate group of certified Sex Experts, Intimacy Advisors and Love Coaches here to answer all your burning questions about SEX, LOVE, INTIMACY, PASSION, AROUSAL… getting it up, keeping it up, libido, sexual relationships, spicing it up, creating more passion and intimacy, dating tips, and much more for single, married, hetero, GLBTQ, and asexuals who are looking for straight forward answers to your adult sex ed questions.

Ask your question below in the comments and we will respond asap! ❤

Want to ask anonymously? email Domina at [email protected]

Sexpert’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex

August is Anal Sex Month… incidentally it is also International Peach Month—coincidence?

Source: Giphy

I don’t think so!

To celebrate Anal Sex Month, Sexpert.com has put together the most comprehensive information and resources: Sexpert’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex. We hope to probe into the depths of this once taboo topic, by giving you a brief history of anal sex, as well the in and outs of backdoor pleasure, including how to do it safely so you can become an expert at anal sensuality and orgasms!

Why? Because butt’s are sexy and anal sex is the new pink!

So, let’s get Peachy! I mean Cheeky!

Table of Contents:

  • Why is There an Anal Pleasure Month?
  • Anal Sex as Taboo
  • Every Body Has a Butt
  • History of Anal Sex
  • How Common is Anal Sex Today and Who Is Having It?
  • Do You Take It In the Ass?
  • Why Do People Enjoy Anal Sex?
  • All the Ways to Anally Please
  • Types of Anal Sex
  • Anal Masturbation
  • Rosebud Massage
  • Anal Sex Toys
  • Anal Stretching
  • Anilingus or Rimming
  • Anal Fingering
  • Anal Fisting
  • Anal Intercourse
  • Prostate Play
  • Pegging: What is Pegging and How to Peg Your Partner
  • Anal Sex Positions
  • Anal Play & BDSM
  • Anal Sex Safety
  • Anal Do’s and Don’ts
  • What, What—Not In Your Butt

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Butt, first…

Why is There an Anal Pleasure Month?

Back in 2004, sex toy shop Good Vibrations designated August as Anal Pleasure Month. Sexologist Carol Queen explains why it is important.

Shutterstock

“While anal pleasure is widely enjoyed, it is still considered taboo, so access to clear and accurate information about it is sadly limited. Good Vibrations declared August to be Anal Pleasure month as a way to illuminate the subject and make information available to interested adults.”[i]

Anal Sex as Taboo

Back door play is becoming increasingly popular in today’s culture, and lots of adults of all ages, genders, sexual identities and orientations are adding butt-love to their sexual repertoire.

Source: Giphy

Butt… Anal sex was once considered very taboo and was forbidden and often illegal in many parts of the world. Known as sodomy (also called buggery) the term sodomy, comes from the biblical story of Sodom and Gomorrah which was generally regarded as anal sex. However, sodomy may also refer to oral sex, homosexuality and bestiality.

Sodomy was seen as unnatural and dirty, and served to criminalize any type of sex that was not procreative, especially targeting gay men and homosexuality. In some countries, homosexuality or gay sex is still punishable by death.

In Canada, the act of anal intercourse is an “indictable offense” with a maximum ten-year penalty of imprisonment for people under 18 years of age. “Exceptions are made in the law for heterosexual married couples and for any two people over the age of 18 who both consent to the act.”[ii]

Sodomy laws in the United States not been updated since the 1600s and 13 states still officially ban sodomy including anal and oral sex, even though this law was legally struck down by the Supreme Court in 2003.Anal sex is technically still illegal in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma and South Carolina regardless gender or sexual orientation. In Kansas, Kentucky, and Texas, the law applies to same-sex relations only.

Besides being illegal, many people once thought of anal sex (and still do) as dirty, smelly, unclean and unhealthy. Although anal sex is becoming much more popular in modern culture, it is still stigmatized to some degree and there are still a lot of myth’s surrounding anal sex. In fact, just recently (July 2019) one Orthodox Christian Bishop purported that “Gay people exist because pregnant women have anal sex.”[iii]

Seriously?

Every Body Has a Butt

Butt… Anuses are the ultimate neutralizer. The anatomical make-up of an anus is much more similar in men, women, trans, gays, lesbians and bisexuals than their primary and secondary sex organs. The anus does not have a designation, gender or sexual preference.

It just is.

The “Every Body Has A Butt” campaign by b-Vibe celebrates the “inclusive and fluid nature of anal play – an equal playing field in which all people can experience pleasure.” The campaign seeks to educate the public about this “long-stigmatized part of sex” by featuring butt videos from a wide and inclusive group of people in order to “eradicate harmful stigmas and taboos surrounding anal play for a safer, more pleasurable world.”[iv]

This message is more about the right to have anal pleasure. It is about sexual pleasure and preference being inclusive to all genders and sexual orientations.

History of Anal Sex

Anal sex was not always seen as a taboo. Depending on the time in history and the culture, it has been tolerated, accepted and in some cases expected. It “was sometimes used as an act of dominance over a conquered enemy or to exert superiority over women.”[v]


Suzuki Harunobu Shunga Print. Public Domain.

In some ancient cultures it was actually quite common and even celebrated.

In ancient Sumerian culture, anal sex was practiced by Entu priestesses (High Priestesses who engaged in ritual intercourse) as a method of birth control, for they were not allowed to have children and the priests who worshipped the goddess Inanna were also known for homosexual anal intercourse.

Anal sex in ancient Greek was common and married men often had sex with adolescent boys between the ages of 12 and 15, where “pedagogic pederasty was an essential element in the education of male youths”.[vi] Greek prostitutes (hetaerae) often engaged in heterosexual anal sex to prevent pregnancy. The terms “Greek Love” and “doing it the Greek way” are euphemisms for anal sex.

While the Romans considered anal sex as an act that was specifically “Greek”, they still enjoyed partaking in this “immodest” and “unmanly” activity. A male citizen could be condemned for being the bottom, or receptive partner of anal sex, but could take the active (Top) role with a young male slave or a woman. Women could also perform anal sex on other women if they “possessed an exceptionally large clitoris or a dildo.”[vii]

During the Shunga Dynasty in Japan, ancient art depicts anal sex between men, as well as male-to-female anal intercourse.

In ancient Peru, the Moche engaged in heterosexual anal sex more than any other form of sex, and anal sex between two men was also common.

Anal sex has also been associated with mystical significance. For example, in some cultures, men would wear butt plugs during meditation or anally insert finger during certain rituals. A berdache (male assuming a female role) was often thought to have magic powers, and, in China, husbands penetrated their wives from behind to steal their “essence of yin.”[viii]

How Common is Anal Sex Today and Who Is Having It?

Anal sex has historically been associated with gay men, but research shows that, contrary to popular belief, anal sex is the least common sexual behavior (approximately 20% do it) reported by gay men.[ix]

Source: Giphy

Anal sex is defined as a “sexual behavior” and is enjoyed by all genders and sexual orientations, regardless of how they identify and the sexual activities they partake in.[x]

Modern findings suggest that approximately 1/3 or more of the population have engaged in anal sex at least once during their lifetime, which is a fairly large number for an activity that is considered so taboo. That number is probably even a lot higher, (it is estimated that 47% of heterosexual men and 68% of women have tried anal sex)[xi], as not everyone is completely forthcoming about their sexual activities.

In modern society, anal sex was first formerly studied by Alfred Kinsey between the years 1938-63. He discovered that:

Among non-married adults, 9 percent of males and 28 percent of females had engaged in anal sex at least once. Among married subjects, the numbers were much lower—around 11 percent for both genders.

By 1974, anal sex was in the rise, when Playboy magazine published a huge survey of over 2000 subjects which found up to 25% of the respondents acknowledged having anal sex at some point during their lives.

Later, in 1990, the Kinsey Institute published further research results which revealed that 27% of male and 24% of female college students had tried anal sex at least once.

Just a few years later in 1994, the University of Chicago found that 1 in 10 heterosexual couples engaged in anal sex.

By 2002, those numbers increased to 34% of men and 30% of women aged 15 to 44 engaging in anal sex at least once.[xii]

More recent studies (2010) from the “National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior” suggest that 36% of women and 40% of men (16-59 years old) have participated in penetrative anal sex during their lifetime, with at least 15% of heterosexual men being receivers of this intimate act.[xiii]

Current studies (2015) report that approximately 36.3% of women have had heterosexual anal insertion in their lifetime.”[xiv] At least 13% of married couple report having anal on a regular basis with a frequency of at least once a month. And 37% of adults have practised oral-anal pleasure (rimming or anilingus: kissing, licking, sucking and insertion of the tongue in the anus).[xv]

Do You Take It In the Ass?

At least 30% of adults are doing it. What about you?

Just because anal sex is trendy right now, doesn’t mean you have to try it if you don’t want to. You should never feel pressured to do it (or any other sex act for that matter) against your will or better judgement. Only you know what is best for your own body, and it is your right to stand up for your own sexual sovereignty (the right to decide who and how you have sex), set boundaries and say “NO”.

Butt… If you have never engaged in “butt hole surfing” and are curious about it, read on as we have lots of tips on how to explore this sensual area of the body for the first time and why people love it.

Why Do People Enjoy Anal Sex?

You may be wondering why people engage in anal sex in the first place. The obvious reason is pleasure.

The pleasure derived from anal sex can be both physical and psychological.

Psychological pleasure may result from the dominant or submissive state of mind that the participants feel during anal sex. Anal sex can be an act of domination, with one partner overpowering or dominating the other. Add a bit of hair pulling, naughty spanking, and some dirty words and you got a pretty hot BDSM scene.

There is also the visual pleasure one get’s from seeing a naked butt: watching it wink its little eye at you, smacking the round mounds of flesh and watching them jiggle like Jello.

Source: Giphy

What’s not to love?

Anal sex can be an alternative to the regular sex act. Some people love it, even preferring anal sex over vaginal intercourse. Some women find vaginal sex to be extremely uncomfortable or even painful. Anal sex gives them an alternative to vaginal sex, allowing them to be pleasured and to also please their partners.

Anal sex is also sometimes used as an alternative to vaginal sex to avoid pregnancy or during menstruation.

Anal expert, Tristan Taormino notes that the “anus, anal canal, and rectum are wonderfully erogenous zones, rich in nerve endings and super-sensitive to stimulation and penetration. At the right angle, many women find that you can indirectly stimulate the G-spot through anal penetration.”[xvi]

Stimulation of the anal nerves can result in orgasm for many people, whether indirectly by the arousal of the prostate in men and the G-spot in women, or via the pudendal nerve. This nerve is the main nerve that runs through the perineum, around the anus and controls the motor function of “the external anal sphincter.”[xvii] Stimulation of the pudendal and perineal nerves can indirectly arouse the internal clitoral and G-spot in women, resulting in a combined orgasm.

The anus has two sphincters, the inner and outer. We have voluntary control of the outer sphincter, and this area (the outer two-thirds of the anal canal) is more sensitive to touch, while the inner third is more sensitive to pressure.[xviii]

Men can enjoy direct stimulation of the prostate gland via anal stimulation, through penetration of the anus, or indirectly by pressing up on the perineum. “Prostate stimulation can produce a deeper orgasm, sometimes described by men as more widespread and intense, longer-lasting, and allowing for greater feelings of ecstasy than orgasm elicited by penile stimulation only.”[xix]

Women often will enjoy anal sex with combined stimulation of the clitoris, or the G-spot, or both. Triple stimulation (clitoris, G-spot and anus simultaneously) can result in a Trigasm. [link to trigasm article]

All the Ways to Anally Please

Anal pleasure is not the only form of anal “sex.” Penetration of the anus is only one way to please the anus. Anal sex is like an item on a very large menu of sexual appetizers, main courses and desserts. Just as you do not have to order everything on the menu, you can try it all if you like.

Many people acquire anal pleasure through various activities including:

  • Spanking
  • Cleansing
  • Massaging
  • Anilingus
  • Toys
  • Fingering
  • Fisting
Shutterstock

Any of these activities could be a form of foreplay to warm up to the big (anal) event. Or, they could be something that you can derive pleasure from, in and of itself.

Like any other type of sex, variety and experimentation is key to finding what you like, increasing your pleasure and obtaining orgasms.

Types of Anal Sex

As mentioned above, there are many ways to derive pleasure from anal play. Let’s explore them all!

Anal Masturbation

If you are exploring anal for the first time, then anal masturbation play is the way to go. By going solo, you have the time to go slow, with no pressure to perform, or satisfy your partner. You can just explore the sensations, discover what you like and what feels best, before passing this important information on to your partner. When you are in control, you can decide how big, how fast and how far to go with penetration.

There are lots of ways to explore anal pleasure. You can start off with a bit of self-foreplay, and titillate your various erogenous zones: clitoris, g-spot, nipples, penis, scrotum, perineum. Then add in anal pleasure of your choosing: rosebud massage, butt plugs, anal vibes, sensation lubricants.

Read on below for more tips on anal pleasure as well as the do’s and don’ts.

Rosebud Massage

This is a great warm-up for anal penetration.

The Rosebud Massage is a cute name for massaging your anal opening. It was developed by sex educator Joseph Kramer and is basically a type of anal massage used for warm-up prior to penetrative anal sex. It can also be used on its own as a type of foreplay or simply just because it feels good. If you don’t want to try anal penetration, you can try rosebud massage as another way to try anal pleasure.

Steps to Doing a Rosebud Massage

Rosebud massage can be used during solo or partner play. It helps to get the blood flowing to the anus for greater arousal, warms up the anal sphincter and is a great precursor to anal sex.

Shutterstock

Begin by massaging your butt cheeks. Try tapping, slapping, rubbing, squeezing and scratching for different sensations. Use a massage oil or a silicone lubricant if you like to help your hands glide across your skin.

Next, slowly begin to clench and unclench your starfish, as if you are winking at someone.

Apply lots of lubricant to your finger tip (latex gloves are a good idea here!) and use the pad of you finger to gently rub around the anal opening, just exploring the sensation on your “rosebud of pleasure”.

Add more lubricant to the crack between your cheeks, and slide the side of your hand up and down between the crack.

Warm yourself up for as long as you need, then place the pad of your finger perpendicular to the anal opening and gently press until you feel your anus opening naturally to the subtle pressure.

When ready, you can slowly insert just the tip of your finger (now pointed inward). Explore the sensation of the silky skin inside, allowing yourself to get used to having something inserted in your butt hole, especially if this is your first time.

Remember, this is all about pleasure. There’s no rush, this is not a race.

Massage the inside of this first sphincter in small circles, or by twisting and rotating your finger. You can also bend your finger tip and begin to slowing stretch the opening.

Pair this technique with oral sex with a partner and it is highly orgasmic!

Sex Toys for Anal Play

So, we’ve explored solo and tried out the anal massage.

Now, we are ready for some penetration! Oh yeah baby yeah!

Source: Giphy

Anal Sex Toys

Okay, so there are lots of anal sex toys on the market, and you can find plenty of articles about them online. So, we’ll just go over the basics for now.

If you are exploring the world of anal sex toys for the first time, I recommend you check out an online store, browse and read reviews. You can check out Sexpert’s Online Sex Toy Shop here for anal sex toys.

Lube it Up!

Source: Giphy

While lubricant is not a toy, but it is a absolute must when it comes to anal penetration. The saying goes: “you can never use too much…” If in doubt, apply more.

Lube is super important because the anus doesn’t stretch as much as the vagina and unlike the vagina, the anus is NOT self-lubricating. Also, keep in mind that the anal wall is very thin and can tear easily, so don’t forget the lube.

For anal sex you with want a good slippery thick lube, either water-based or silicone.

I like Boy Butter lube because it is thick and creamy like butter, so great for butt sex. But, make sure you buy the H20 Boy Butter for women, because regular Boy Butter is oil based and should be kept away from the vagina. http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVBBL-8_55951_00400_3/boy-butter-h20-4-oz-tub

Another good lube is Intimate Earth’s Ease Silicone Relaxing Lube. It contains natural chamomile extract in silicone lubricant to help relax the anal “sphincter so penetration is more comfortable”.

Don’t use anal lubricants with Benzocaine because it actually numbs the anus, which is not a good idea. You want to be able to feel if there is any tearing or pain in the anus, for obvious safety reasons. Plus, you want to also feel the pleasure, right?

Anal Beads

Anal Beads are a great beginner toy and awesome for warming up. They are graduated beads on a sting that gradually get smaller to larger, making them easy to insert one at a time.

I recommend silicone anal beads, as they are anal friendly and can be sterilized. Don’t buy the ones with an actual sting, get the ones made out of one solid piece of moulded silicone and make sure it has a retrieval ring on the end.

To use, insert beads one at a time using lots of lube, then pull out slowly during orgasm for an explosive finale.

These vibrating anal beads by Tantus are quite nice.

http://store.sexpert.com/product/TAN0109/progressive-beads-black

Butt Plugs

Source: Giphy

Butt plugs are staples of anal sex play. They come in a huge variety of styles, shapes, designs, and materials including those made of glass and metal with booty bling, ones that vibrate, one’s with bunny and fox tails, and ones that inflate.

Butt plugs have a narrow head and flared base. Many come in beginner’s anal training kits featuring three butt plugs of different sizes so you can level up on your anal journey.

Again, only use silicone for softer materials (it is the material of choice for anal sex), and make sure the base is flared so the toy can’t slip inside. Harder materials like glass or metal are very inflexible and not recommended for beginners, but are great for intermediates and experts.

Anal plugs are designed to be used for long periods of time, which is why they are great for anal training. To do so, you insert the plug with lube and then wear them while you do your housework, or what-have-you, so you can get used to the feeling of fullness inside you. Gradually work your way up in size.

The Gossip Rump Rockers 3 Piece Anal Training Kit is a good starter kit.

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVELD-CN-0103-04-50/gossip-rump-rockers-3-piece-anal-training-set-pink

Prostate Massagers

Prostate Massagers are made especially for those of us who have a prostate gland. They are often curved to stimulate the prostate perfectly and many of them vibrate as well.

Aneros is one of the best know brands of prostate massagers. Their website has great tutorials for prostate play and how to use the toys.

Aneros

What makes them unique is you use your sphincter muscles to “rock’ the toy inside of you, thus stimulating and massaging the prostate gland. Prostate massage can lead to multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms, which are very intense.

Strap-Ons

Strap-ons are generally used for pegging (female to male penetrating) but can also be used by anyone regardless or gender.

I like the Tantus Bend Over Beginner Kit. Comes with two different sized dildos (silicone) and a harness.

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVXR-TA730-PURPLE/bend-over-beginner-kit

I could write a whole article on pegging and strap-ons, but basically to use you: strap the harness on, dance around with it a bit to get the feel of it (optional), and then put it in his butt.

Okay, maybe too over-simplified. Be sure to use lube (again can’t be stressed enough), start off small, go slow, and communicate.

And, before you plunge inside his tunnel of love, use a finger or two to feel the angle of his internal passageway, because it is curved. There is a knack to penetrating him with a dildo so feeling around inside with give you a guide to which angle to use.

Anal Douches

There are also anal douches and enema kits you can purchase to cleanse the anal canal out before anal sex, to help avoid what can sometimes be a messy situation.

The vote is out as to whether anal douches are safe to use or not. Some people swear by them, others say to avoid them. Porn stars use them religiously before anal scenes.

Personally, I would avoid them. The anus cleans itself out naturally, so just make sure not to eat right before anal sex, and have a poop beforehand. There may still be a bit of poo during anal play regardless, and it is to be expected.

Just make sure to clean your butt hole good with soapy warm water and you should be good to go.

More Anal Toys

There are even more anal toys available on the market including anal dildos, probes and gigantic butt plugs. Feel free to check them out and explore.

When first exploring anal play it is important to start small and work your way up to larger sized toys. (See my warning story about anal stretching below).

For beginners, try our resident sexpert, Dr. Ava Cadell’s, Intro to Anal Kit which comes with an erotic instructional DVD, vibrating butt plug, anal lube, anal beads, and sex toy cleaner.

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVEN-ZE-KT-5430-2/intro-to-anal-kit

Anal Play Extras

There are other supplies you may want to have on hand when exploring anal sex.

These include:

Moving onto… Anal Stretching!

Anal Stretching

Okay, you might be thinking WTF, butt… yes, anal stretching is a thang…

And, in the world of extreme butt play, it is uber popular.

Source: Giphy

Many people start anal stretching as a way to gradually be able to facilitate their partner’s big dick, or to enable them to fit a larger toy, or even for preparing yourself for fisting.

This is often called “anal training” as I mentioned above. There are also inflatable anal toys that can be enlarged with air once inserted, to slowly stretch the sphincter muscles gradually.

Butt! Don’t try to ram a giant dildo up your ass on your first try. Bad things can happen! Seriously…

And, if you think most people have enough common sense not to do something like that, think again.

While working at a local Mom and Pop sex toy shop, I got a call one day from a guy who had purchased our largest dildo called “The Great American Challenge”. I assumed this monstrosity was just a joke novelty (its as long as my arm!), and that no-one would actually try to use it. http://store.sexpert.com/product/DJ0270-04/the-great-american-challenge-15-inches-dildo-purple

Butt no! This guy, let’s call him “Butt Queen”, decided that the average giant-sized butt dildo was not big enough and he wanted to push his limits and actually rammed this mammoth beast up his ass.

Enter, ripped anal membrane, excessive anal bleeding, extreme pain, fissures and a trip to the local emergency. Not fun!

So, if you are into anal stretching, do it sensibly. Ease into it gradually and safely! For butt sake!

Nuff said.

Anilingus or Rimming

All right, now time to toss the salad.

Source: Giphy

What is anilingus?

Basically, anilingus (also called rimming) is ass to mouth sex. It is often used in foreplay to warm up for penetrative anal sex, but can be enjoyed in its own right.

It involves licking, sucking, kissing, and penetrating the anus with the tongue, or oral sex on the anus and may also include the perineum.

It is a great way to try out anal pleasure for the first time, especially if you are a bit weary of penetration. This allows you to find out if you even like anal pleasure and want to take it further.

The area around the entrance to the anus is rich in nerve endings, so it can be quite pleasurable having a hot, wet tongue lap at your starfish.

However, oro-anal is one if the riskiest types of sexual foreplay, due to the potential of contracting infections like STIs, bacterial infections and even parasites.

That said, you can protect yourself by making sure you and your rimming partner of choice have been recently tested for STIs, by using dental dams (plastic wrap works as well), and by keeping your anus clean with proper hygiene. Again, douching is also an option.

After a rimming session it is important to clean your mouth (mouthwash that kills bacteria is a good option, after brushing your teeth and thoroughly rinsing your mouth), before kissing or oral vaginal/penis play.

Anal Fingering

Anal fingering is a great way to explore anal penetration safely, for the first time. It is also a good way to warm up the anus before penis to ass sex as well.

Source: Giphy

Start small, using a fingertip after you have stimulated the rosebud for a while, making sure to use lots of lubrication.  If your fingertip feels good you may want to insert the entire length of the finger, or even try two.  Of course, you do this slowly and gradually like all types of anal penetration. After a while, your anus will get more used to the feeling of fullness and you can move onto anal intercourse, toys or even fisting.

Anal Fisting

Anal fisting is an extreme sport and not for beginners. The first time I saw someone getting fisted was at a BDSM play party, where one girl fisted another chick in the anus. It was fascinating, and the receiver had a major orgasm.

The rules for anal fisting are like every other type of anal penetration.

Use lots of lube. Wear gloves. Go slow. Communicate with your partner. Start small and work your way up (one finger at a time).

People who like anal fisting love it, and enjoy the feeling of being filled up. It can also be a form of domination in D/s play as well.

Sex educator Tracey Cox has an excellent how-to article on anal fisting here. You can also check out this advanced article here from the Advocate: “25 Tips for Your First Fist”, by Alexander Cheves.

Anal Intercourse

Ah, now we are ready for anal sex with your partner. Finally!

Source: Giphy

As I mentioned above, there are certain rules for anal penetration.

If you remember anything from this article remember:

Communication, relaxation, lubrication. The three keys to safe and pleasurable anal sex.

First talk to your partner about anal sex. Don’t just surprise them with it. And, never stick it in them “by mistake”. Because that’s just lame and if you do it, you’re a dick.

Talk about your expectations, your fears, and make sure you have consent. Make sure you trust your partner completely as well.

The bottom should always be in control of the action and the partner topping should always respect their partner’s wishes.

That means when they say stop, you stop. Period. And, if they don’t like it, they should feel free to decide they don’t want to continue and can revoke consent.

Try to relax if you are on the receiving end of anal sex. Try some deep breathing techniques, take a nice bath, get an erotic massage to warm up.

Get your toys and supplies ready before hand.

Don’t forget the lube and use it liberally!

Source: Giphy

Go slow. It is important to go really slow at first, allow yourself to get fully aroused, use plenty of lubricant (and then some), and to listen to your partner’s needs and body language. Start with rosebud massage, one finger at a time, then move up to penile penetration.

Inch it in bit by bit and allow the anus to open naturally and to “swallow” the length gradually. Stop and just stay still as your partner gets used to more penis inside of them, and only begin penetrating more when they are ready.

Never just ram it in. The usually anus needs to adjust in increments, unless you are an ass whore. People can get hurt by over-eager penetration.

Because the anus has a very thin lining it is important to be careful not to tear it and to use condoms for safe sex purposes.

Keep the communication open at all times.

For the bottom, anal play will feel strange for the first time. You will most likely want to push what is entering back out.  This is after all a natural reaction.  If you relax into it, however, anal insertion can be a wonderful experience that can intensify sexual play and orgasm.

And, remember, anal sex is not supposed to hurt. It is supposed to be pleasurable, so if it hurts, stop and reassess the situation.

Prostate Play

Prostate play (also called prostate massage or prostate milking) is the sexual stimulation of the male prostate. This walnut sized organ resides inside the anus. It is a surrounded by a bundle of nerve endings that when stimulated erotically, can lead to powerful, intense orgasms (with or without ejaculation) and multiple orgasms.

Source: Wikipedia. Public Domain.

The prostate gland is responsible for triggering erections and causing the penis to flood with blood. It is also the muscle that pumps semen through the penis and causes ejaculation.  So, just imagine what it would feel like having it stimulated directly!

The P-spot can be stimulated indirectly by pressing up on the thin skin of the perineum, or via the anal canal.

A great way to stimulate it during partner play it is through fingering.  Try giving a BJ, then gently press up into the perineum just behind the balls with your fingers. If that goes well and your partner consents, slide in a finger and gently tap, apply pressure and massage the prostate with a curved finger tip. No nails please!

It is also possible to stimulate the prostate via the urethra with sounds. Butt plugs, anal beads, anal vibrators and prostate toys can also be used.

Prostate pleasure is also achieved via penetration of a penis or strap-on.

Here is a super-fantastic article on “Prostate Milking” by Dainis Graveris.

Pegging: What is Pegging and How to Peg Your Partner

It’s pegging time!

Source: Giphy (from the TV show “Broad City”.)

Pegging… You have probably heard of this type of anal play in the media in the past few years, as it has become very popular do to TV shows “Broad City” (2015) and movies like “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” (2008) and “Trainspotting” (2017).

Some straight men have some misconceptions about anal sex (getting penetrated) that make them hesitant to try it out with their partner.  Let’s get this straight: anal sex will not make you gay.  That is a myth and many straight men enjoy anal play once they get over the social taboos. Check out the “Prostate Milking” link above if you are still not convinced.

How to Use a Strap-on

So, how does one go about pegging their partner?

Again the 3 rules of anal apply: Communication, Relaxation & Lubrication.

Make sure to talk it out between you both, deciding how its going to play out, expectations, fears, safe words if needed.

Sex toys need extra lube and so does the anus, so more is better.

For the Pegger: Try on the strap-on beforehand, make sure you get a good fit and try practicing with it first so you can learn how to wield it, like it is an extension of your body.

It may feel a little weird at first and cumbersome, just because those of us with vulvas don’t naturally know how to control a penis, and a dildo doesn’t have nerve endings, so you can’t feel your way inside. You can use your hand to hold the base of the dildo so you can have more control over penetration as well.

Make sure to warm up with lots of foreplay and make sure your partner is nice a relaxed. A tight sphincter can make anal sex painful. And, go slow.

You may also want to use a condom over your dildo to make clean up easier, and to avoid cross-contamination.

Anal Sex Positions

There is plenty of information online about the best sex positions for anal sex.

Basically, try out different positions and then do what feels best.

For backdoor play, usually doggie style, cowgirl and reverse cowgirl, spooning and missionary are some of the best choices.

Sex pillows positioned under the hips are also a great aid for anal sex.

Anal Play & BDSM

Anal play can also be an exciting element to add to your BDSM play.

Source: Giphy

Spanking is already a popular form of BDSM play. While spanking with a bare hand or leather glove is fun and preferable, you can also use floggers, paddles, whips, crops and canes or birch to lash the backside.

For safety, remember to hit only the fleshy parts, butt cheeks and back on thighs. Avoid the spine. And, test your tool on yourself first to see how it feels. Some implements of torture (pleasure), like canes, can also easily break the skin. How hard you wield your weapon of choice depends on what your bottom can handle and agrees to, as well as common sense.

Anal training with butt plugs is another popular BDSM ritual that can be used under clothes while in public for private humiliation and naughty pleasure, as well as during a training session or scene.

Anal figging is also another form of anal play used in BDSM. Figging (also called gingering) is a bit of extreme anal play, while involves inserting raw, peeled ginger into the anus (and sometime the vagina). Ginger is an irritant like peppermint, and burns and can be painful. So, be cautious if you want to try this and do your homework first. I knew a girl who allowed her partner to fig her and she ended up burning for over a week. Ouch!

https://www.lovense.com/bdsm-blog/figging

Enemas and douching are also used in BDSM play, as well as diaper fetishes, and coprophagia or coprophagy which is the consumption of feces.

Okeydokey, moving on…

Anal Sex Safety

Source: Giphy

Anal sex is risky business. It is considered a high-risk sexual practice because the lining of the anus is thin and can tear easily. Plus, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate. These factors can lead to transmission of STIs and the HIV virus, as well as bacterial infections. Condoms are always recommended for anal sex.

Anal activates that are risky include: fingering the anus without gloves; sharing sex toys without cleaning or changing the condom in between uses; sharing porous sex toys; anal rimming or Anilingus without a dental dam; anal fisting without a glove; anal intercourse without a condom; contact with semen, blood, or other bodily fluids. Engaging in casual sex or alcohol increases your risk of acquiring STIs.

Anal Do’s and Don’ts

Source: Giphy

Anal Do’s

•    Clean yourself and your toys.

•    Use a condom or latex gloves.

•    Trim nails of rough edges.

•    Relax, breath & take it slow.

•    Use lots of lube.

•    Stop if there is pain.

•    Only use toys with a flared base or retrieval ring designed for anal play.

Anal Don’ts

•    Insert toys in the anus then the vagina as it may cause infection.

•    Insert sharp or foreign objects or anything too big.

•    Do it if you really don’t want it.

•    Hurry or force it.

•    Pressure your partner into it if they are not ready.

What, What—Not In Your Butt

The following is a public service message by sex educator Ducky Doolittle about what NOT to put in your butt. It is hilarious, but also a cautionary tale.

In the above video, these are all the objects that Ducky cautions not to put in your butt: apples, zucchinis, onions, turnups, carrots, potato, jar of peanut butter, banana with a condom on it, salami, bottle of Mrs. Butterworth, lemon and a jar of cold cream together, hair brush, 2 jars of Vaseline together, a bottle of baby powder, set of Lee press on nails, spoon, spatula, bottle of water, whiskey bottle, glasses, a huge flashlight, a light bulb, test tube, candles, tooth brush, balloons, doll heads, rubber balls, baseballs, and a Micronaut action figure.

The anus creates a vacuum, which is why you never want to insert something without a flanged base into your butt. Without something stopping the inserted object, it can get sucked up beyond the point of no return. So, do yourself a favour, and keep yourself out of the emergency room!

Doll Head—Not In Your Butt

Source: Giphy

So, that’s our very lengthy, elaborate and Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex.

We hope you have found it informative and that it will give you the confidence to go explore this one taboo kind of pleasure.

Would you like more info? Check out Loveology’s course on Anal Sex!

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[i] https://goodvibesblog.com/august-is-anal-pleasure-month/

[ii] https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/canada-anal-sex-ban-repeal-discriminatory-section-159-liberals-a7418191.html

[iii] https://metro.co.uk/2019/07/26/gay-people-exist-pregnant-women-anal-sex-bishop-says-10464758/

[iv] https://www.bvibe.com/every-body-has-a-butt

[v] The Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia (2014)

[vi] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_sex#Other_cultural_views

[vii] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_sex#Ancient_and_non-Western_cultures

[viii] The Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia (2014)

[ix] 2002 National Survey of Family Growth

[x] https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/not-all-gay-men-have-anal-sex

[xi] The Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia (2014)

[xii] 2002 National Survey of Family Growth

[xiii] SOURCES: http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexinformation/a/anal_sex_stats.htm, http://www.nationalsexstudy.indiana.edu/, & Janell L. Carroll (2009). Sexuality Now: Embracing Diversity.

[xiv] 2015 International Society for Sexual Medicine. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26289541

[xv] The Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia (2014)

[xvi] https://puckerup.com/2000/04/05/womens-anal-pleasure/

[xvii] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pudendal_nerve

[xviii] The Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia (2014)

[xix] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_sex

Other references: https://wildflowersex.com/blogs/sex-education/guide-to-prostate-play

The Original Trigasm by Dr. Ava Cadell

Trigasm. A word or activity that most people today have probably heard about, or even tried at some point in their sexual explorations.

However, more than a decade ago, very few people, if anyone knew what a “trigasm” was, let alone ever had one in the bedroom.

Sure, there were a few people experimenting with alternative sexuality techniques like porn stars and love gurus during the 80s and 90s who had experienced a “trigasm”, but they didn’t have a term for it.

That’s because Dr. Ava Cadell, (America’s #1 Sexpert, Love Coach and Relationship Expert), hadn’t coined the term “trigasm” until 2003.[i]

So, What Exactly Is A Trigasm?

A trigasm is a particular sexual technique which involves stimulation of her three major erogenous zones all simultaneously: the clitoris, g-spot and anus, to produce what Dr. Ava refers to as “the ultimate orgasm”!

“The secret here is to stimulate her three major erogenous zones all at the same time: inside, outside and tailpipe. Start off by heating up her magic button with light circular strokes with lubed-up fingers. When she’s all warmed up but not quite ready to go the way of the O, slip a finger inside her so you can tap lightly against her G-spot. While tapping return your attention to her love bud with your tongue this time. Now use your other hand to gently stimulate her starfish. Before you know it – Bam! Bam! Bam!”—Dr. Ava Cadell

Cadell didn’t only brand the label “trigasm”, she also identified the 3 main types of “orgasms that are achieved through single, dual or triple touch: the unigasm, the bi-gasm and the trigasm.”—Orgasm in America Study (2011)

Before 2003, names for these three major types of orgasm did not exist in our vocabulary. Thus, Cadell identified the 3 major types of female orgasms and also pioneered a new type of orgasm (the trigasm) that modern day women could explore as a whole new world of orgasmic pleasure.

Introducing The TriGasm Vibrator

Then, in November of 2003, Cadell invented the TriGasm Vibrator for Doc Johnson Enterprises who manufactured it and made it available in stores by that December.

Renowned love and relationship guru Dr. Ava Cadell brings women’s pleasure to a whole new level with her latest creation for the ultimate orgasm, the TriGasm… This is the most significant sexual discovery for women since the 1950s, when the G-spot was discovered.” —Business Wire

Source: Eden Fantasys

The TriGasm sex toy had three separate attachments for each erogenous zone and multiple speeds of vibration and pulsating action, which allowed users to be in control of the pressure, depth and intensity.

“The result is the most intense, satisfying, earth-shattering, full-body orgasm a woman has ever experienced. TriGasm is the ultimate form of female empowerment,” explained Dr. Ava. “It’s about women taking responsibility for their own orgasms — it truly the ultimate self-pleasuring device for the lady!”

It’s A Hit! TriGasm Reviews

The new TriGasm vibrator was an instant hit, and became “the most popular sex toy in the US…”[ii], selling on Amazon.com as well as many other sex toy retailers, and featured on the Discovery Channel’s “Sex Files”, as well as in several magazines including Bust Magazine and Maxim, and mentioned in “The Book of Kink” by Eva Christina.

Source: Eden Fantasys

It also got rave reviews:

“If you’re a woman who appreciates versatility, this toy is for you… From the fork-tongued vibrator that envelopes your clitoris to the curved and narrow-tipped shaft to the smooth anal plug, every function of this supple vinyl-based toy is designed for maximum pleasure. So don’t delay your sexual fulfillment and get the Trigasm to experience orgasms you didn’t know were possible.”—review by Victoria.

Source: Eden Fantasys

“I highly recommend Dr. Ava’s Trigasm for anyone who is looking for a good beginning double or triple stimulator. Being able to control the speeds of the vibrations as well as the patterns makes this toy a great addition to any toy collection.”— review by GenkiGirl.

“Dr. Ava’s Trigasm is a triple stimulation vibrator by Doc Johnson, is a great triple stimulation vibrator. The main vibrator is curved to stimulate the g-spot and the clitoris vibrator is split to form a forked-tongue. This set also comes with an anal vibrator that is very thin, making it great for beginners.”—review by Dannie.

Source: Eden Fantasys

“I was amazed at how pleasantly strong, yet quiet the vibrations were. I would definitely give Dr. Ava’s Trigasm four stars. Overall Dr. Ava’s Trigasm is a great toy to buy if you are looking for something that could stimulate all your needs.”—review by ScarletteL.

So, How Do You Give Her A Trigasm

Here are some tips for you and your partner as you go off on your TriGasm exploration.

Step 1: The woman should lie back while her partner lavishes her clitoris with oral pleasure until she has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10.

Step 2: Change course and stimulate her vulva (outside of the vagina) in small circles with your tongue for 2 minutes.

Step 3: Return to the clitoris and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9, almost to the point of no return.

Step 4: At this peak, insert your forefinger palm up into her vagina and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel.

Step 5: Simultaneously with step four, stimulate her anus gently with a feather, a pinky or a vibrator to bring her to a momentous, energy-draining TriGasm!

What About Him? Can Guys Enjoy A Trigasm Too?

Why, yes, they can!

Discovery Channel’s “Sex Files”

The TriGasm for Men is also the result of stimulating 3 points of pleasure, the penis, the testicles and the anus simultaneously.

Step 1: The man should lie back while his partner lavishes the head of his penis with some good oral suction until he reaches a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10.

Step 2: Then use your mouth and tongue to stimulate his testicles for 2 minutes while you masturbate his penis with your hand.

Step 3: Return to the penis orally and increase his level of pleasure to a 9, almost to the point of no return.

Step 4: At this peak, fondle his testicles as you continue to orally delight his penis and insert your forefinger palm up into his anus to find his prostate gland, then tap, tap, tap it gently.

Step 5: If all goes well, he’ll have an unforgettable, enormous TriGasm!

What’s Left in the World of Orgasms?

You may be wondering, after the Trigasm, will orgasms ever be the same again? Probably not.

But research into female orgasms and the development of new-age sex toys continues to uncover new discoveries that mystify the imagination.

Where Can I Get a TriGasm Vibrator?

Unfortunately, the “original” TriGasm by Dr. Ava Cadell is not longer in production.

But, here are a few other amazing triple stimulation sex toys that we recommend!

Check Out These Triple Stimulation “Trigams” Vibes Here

Your Welcome! 😊

+++


[i] https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=trigasm

[ii] https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2004/oct/30/shopping.business

Amazing Facts About Female Orgasm

Happy National Orgasm Day! In celebration of National Orgasm Day (July 31st), we’d like to WOW you with some of these amazing facts about female orgasms!

Did you know that the clitoris is the ONLY organ designed exclusively for sexual pleasure? That 70% of women cannot orgasm via vaginal penetration alone?  Or, that a few women have a condition that causes them to spontaneously orgasm without stimulation? Read on to learn 12 astonishing facts about the “Amazing World of Female Orgasms”.

Image from Amazon.com. This book from 1953 showed photographic reactions of women to the Kinsey Report.

1.      Orgasm Definitions: The Oxford English Dictionary describes an orgasm as “the climax of sexual excitement, characterized by intensely pleasurable feelings centered in the genitals and (in men) experienced as an accompaniment to ejaculation.”  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary states that it’s ” intense or paroxysmal excitement; especially : an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female.” Sex researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey likened orgasm “to the crescendo, climax, and sudden stillness achieved by an orchestra of human emotions … an explosion of tensions, and to sneezing”.

Image from Wikipedia. Public Domain.
File: Marilyn Monroe photo pose Seven Year Itch.jpg
Created: 15 September 1954

2.      Anorgasmia is a type of sexual dysfunction in which a person cannot achieve orgasm, even with adequate stimulation. The condition is sometimes classified as a psychiatric disorder, but also may be caused by medical conditions as well.  An estimated 10-15% of women can’t orgasm at all. Marilyn Monroe, despite being a huge sexual icon, was anorgasmic. The most extreme “cure” for Anorgasmia is the orgasmatron which is an implant inserted into the spinal cord, that is controlled by a remote control and stimulates the user when switched on.

Source: Shutterstock

3.      The opposite of Anorgasmia is a disorder called Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome which increases blood flow to the sex organs and causes women (and some men) to have “spontaneous, persistent, and uncontrollable genital arousal”, including orgasms even when they are not sexually aroused. At least one woman with this disorder, Sarah Carmen from Britain, has reported having up to 200 spontaneous orgasms a day, without the use of genital stimulation.

Source: Shutterstock

4.      According to a 1999 survey, approximately 43% of women in the US have some sort of problem with their sex lives, or what is commonaly referred to Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD).  It is so common a problem that the very idea that it is a disorder has come under attack.  The film: “Orgasm Inc.,” (2009) criticizes Big Pharmaceutical companies who are trying to get “female sexual dysfunction” turned into a medical condition so they can develop a drug for it and make lots of money.

5.      Rule of Thumb- Princess Marie Bonaparte, a French psychoanalyst, and great-grand niece of Napoleon Bonaparte, suffered from “frigidity” or the inability to have vaginal orgasms during missionary position.  Frustrated, she conducted research on 243 women and discovered what is referred to as the “Rule of Thumb”, that is, the optimal C-V (clitoral-vagina) distance, which is approximately an inch (from the tip of your thumb to your first knuckle).  She concluded that the distance between these clit and vagina was vital for the ability to reach orgasm (via intercourse).  Bonaparte sadly underwent two surgeries to try and “fix” her sexual anatomy, by having her clitoris cut and “moved” closer to her vagina, both of which had “disappointing results”. If only she knew that her frigidity was caused by Freud’s theory that clitoral orgasms were inferior to vaginal orgasms.  Researchers know today that 70% of women cannot orgasm via vaginal stimulation alone.

Source: Shutterstock

6.      The clitoris is the ONLY organ designed exclusively for sexual pleasure and has more than 8,000 nerve endings. Most women cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation and need about 10-20 minutes to reach orgasm via sexual intercourse (if they can orgasm that way at all), but on average only 4 minutes to reach orgasm via masturbation.

Source: Shutterstock

7.      In a survey of 2000 women, the most arousing place to be touched were in this order: clitoris, vagina, breasts, head and neck, back and shoulders, and least of all the feet.  33% of women under 25 can’t find their G-spot, and of those 100% rarely have orgasm.  67% of women fake orgasm.

8.      The Brain on Sex.  The ability to orgasm is controlled by a complex set of brain functions and has little to do with what happens in your genitals.  One area of the brain releases dopamine, the feel good neurochemical that activates your reward center, which makes love feel addictive and can make you fall in love.  The pituitary gland releases beta-endorphins which decrease pain, the hormone and neurotransmitter oxytocin (aka the “cuddle” or “love hormone”) increases feelings of trust, and the hormone vasopressin, enhances pair bonding.

Source: Shutterstock

9.      Some women can achieve orgasm by just thinking about it.  True!  It is called a mind-gasm, and sex educator Kim Airs can think herself to orgasm.  She participated in an orgasm study at Rutgers by Dr. Barry Komisaruk, where she was strapped into a MRI and the team monitored her pulse, heart rate, and brain waves to determine how she performed this amazing feat.  What they learned was “sexual function travels from the genitals to the brain via the pudendal nerve which does NOT reside in the spinal column but parallel to it”. From this and other research, Dr. Barry Komisaruk and Dr. Beverly Whipple also discovered that people with spinal cord injuries can reach orgasm. In 2004, they conducted a study on women with severed spinal cords and found that these women could feel stimulation of their cervix and even reach orgasm, because the vagus nerve bypasses the spinal cord and is still able to bring the signal to the brain.

Source: Shutterstock

10. Four Types of Female Ejaculation. According to Tantric practitioner Devi Ward and her colleague Marthe Schneider there are four types of female ejaculation or “nectar of the Goddess or Ambrosia”, including 2 types of urethral emission and 2 types of vaginal emission. These include:

  • Urinary bladder discharge which is squirting which is clear and no smell, could include trace amounts of urine;
  • Prostatic fluid, a thicker, milky like watery semen, comes from the G-spot/female prostate in small amounts;
  • Gushing which comes from the vagina during penetration in a stream of fluid;
  • And cum which is a thick white cream, called essence of woman.  This is a great video explaining all about the 4 types of female ejaculation. Posted from: http://authentictantra.com/the-4-types-of-female-ejaculation/

11. How Many Types of Female Orgasms? Sigmund Freud first suggested (1905) that there were two types of female orgasms: clitoral and vaginal (or G-spot).  He believed that the clitoris was best used for masturbation, while the vagina or G-spot be stimulated best by sexual intercourse. Contrary to Freud, Alfred Kinsey believed that there was only one type of orgasm women could experience which was clitoral (1953). Pioneer sexologist and former porn star Annie Sprinkle said that there are seven types of female orgasms and believes that orgasms are like grains of sand, in that no two are alike. The idea that there was more than two types of female orgasms, was quite revolutionary at the time. Annie’s Seven Types of Orgasms include: Clitoral Orgasms, Inter-vaginal Orgasms, Combination Orgasms, Dreamgasms, Microgasms, Breath and Energy Orgasms, and Megagasms.  In her DVD, “Annie Sprinkle’s Amazing World of Orgasm” (2004), she and other sexual experts maintain that there are, in fact, multiple (if not hundreds) of ways for women to experience orgasm.  In her “Sluts & Goddesses” DVD, Annie experiences a five minute long Megagasm which she describes as “an intense full body experience, a deeply emotional experience, and for some a deeply spiritual experience… [which] generally lasts an extended length of time, from thirty seconds to in some cases up to an hour or two.” Amazing!

Copyright Dr. Ava Cadell.

12. Dr. Ava Cadell, (Sexpert to the Stars and Founder of Loveology University), coined the term “trigasm”, which she refers to as “the ultimate orgasm”! It involves stimulation of the clitoris, g-spot and anus simultaneously. “The secret here is to stimulate her three major erogenous zones all at the same time: inside, outside and tailpipe. Start off by heating up her magic button with light circular strokes with lubed-up fingers. When she’s all warmed up but not quite ready to go the way of the O, slip a finger inside her so you can tap lightly against her G-spot. While tapping return your attention to her love bud with your tongue this time. Now use your other hand to gently stimulate her starfish. Before you know it – Bam! Bam! Bam!”

In 2003, Dr. Ava teamed up with Doc Johnson novelties to design and produce the Trigasm sex toy which had three separate attachments for each erogenous zone and multiple speeds of vibration and pulsating action, which allowed users to be in control of the pressure, depth and intensity. “The result is the most intense, satisfying, earth-shattering, full-body orgasm a woman has ever experienced. TriGasm is the ultimate form of female empowerment,” explained Dr. Ava. “It’s about women taking responsibility for their own orgasms — it truly the ultimate self-pleasuring device for the lady!”

LoveUniv.com Course on Orgasms

While there are lots of interesting facts on female orgasms, there is still much research that needs to be done to validate women’s sexual experiences, and how all our amazing parts work!

Check out Loveology University’s courses on Orgasms and Female Sexual Anatomy for more ideas!

Tickling Fetish—What Is It, and How to Sexually Tickle Your Partner

Welcome to Sexpert’s Guide to Tickling Fetish and Sexual Tickling!

The official terminology for tickling fetishism is known as knismolagnia (or knismophilia or titillagnia[i]) which is sexual arousal derived from tickling someone or the sensation of being tickled themselves.[ii] Knismolagnia, comes from Knismesis, which is a light form of tickling like when a bug tickles the hairs on your arms, whereas gargalesis[iii] is the term for heavy tickling, which is intended to produce laughter.

In this Tickling Fetish Guide you will learn all about:

  • What is a Tickling Fetish?
  • The History of Sexual Tickling.
  • When Does Tickling Become a Fetish?
  • How to Know If You Are a Knismophiliac or a Ticklephile?
  • Why Do People Get Turned On By Tickling?
  • Reasons Why We May Get Aroused By Tickling.
  • Ways to Explore Tickling.
  • Tickling Games, Tickling Torture and Erotic Tickling.
  • Knismolagnia Kink.
  • Erotic Places on the Body to Tickle.
  • How To Sexually Tickle Your Partner.
  • What to Do If Your Lover Is Into Tickling and Your Aren’t.
  • And, Sexual Boundaries.

Tickle—is to give pleasure or gratify.

Tickling is a harmless practice that most of us have enjoyed innocently as infants and children, with games like “This little piggy”, and “Tickle Monster”.

As teens and young adults, tickling fights are often part of our introduction to playful touch as a sexual gateway to flirting, feeling up your girlfriend or fondling a newfound crush.

Tickling can be a fun way to become intimidate with someone, to touch, to tease and to flirt.

Tickling can be very childlike, amusing, exciting, and even erotic to some. To others it can be your worst nightmare, or even used as a punishment.

So, When Does Tickling Become a Fetish?

Tickling can be either a sexual interest or sexual fetish (paraphilia) in adulthood depending on your definition.

What’s the difference? Really, not much.

A sexual interest can turn into a paraphilia depending on how intense the fixation on it becomes and if the activity causes problems in your life. Most often, a fetish is seen as a harmless sexual interest if it doesn’t hurt anyone.

Violet Blue, co-author of “The Fetish Sex Guide”, says that sexual fetishes are the “standard-issue”.

“When you look at cultural stereotypes of what constitutes “normal” sex, pretty much anything you do outside of married heterosexual missionary intercourse can be considered “deviant” [and] everyone with genitalia and a brain”[iv] has a sexual fetish.

Rather than “deviant”, Blue believes fetishes are “magical”:

“When someone has a sexual fetish, it means that for them an object, manner of dress or specific scenario takes on a magical quality, has deeper meaning, and becomes part of their favorite sexual experiences — or are sometimes absolutely required for satisfying sexual release.”[v]

Fetishes become problematic when the fetishist feels they can’t honestly share their interest with their partner and/or fulfill their fantasy. That leads to hiding their sexual impulses in the closet or repressing them, feelings of guilt, feeling like a freak, or by seeking unhealthy ways to live out their fantasies. When a person does not have a healthy outlet for their fetish, this can also lead to dangerous, extreme or destructive behaviour or activities.

That’s when a fetish becomes a paraphilia.

What is a Paraphilia?

In psychiatry, a paraphilia is defined as “a condition characterized by abnormal sexual desires, typically involving extreme or dangerous activities.”

The American Psychiatric Association states that “atypical sexual interests” are not considered a paraphilia or mental disorder. In order to be diagnosed with having a paraphilic disorder a person must “feel personal distress” caused by their interest, or is causing distress to “unwilling persons” without consent.

Wikipedia defines a paraphilia as the “intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals,”[vi] and is often obsessive and damaging behaviour, whereas an “uncommon” sexual interest could be any sexual behavior, fantasy, or sexual activity that is not harmful, even if it is a bit unusual.

So, most people have a sexual interest which could be defined as a “fetish”. It is quite common and normal. It is only unhealthy when it causes harm to yourself or someone else.

What is Tickling Fetishism?

The official terminology for tickling fetishism is known as knismolagnia (or knismophilia or titillagnia[vii]) which is sexual arousal derived from tickling someone or the sensation of being tickled themselves.[viii] Knismolagnia, comes from Knismesis, which is a light form of tickling like when a bug tickles the hairs on your arms, whereas gargalesis[ix] is the term for heavy tickling, which is intended to produce laughter.

Definitions from “Tickling”, by C R Harris, University of California:

Gargalesis: Laughter-inducing tickle elicited by a somewhat strong pressure repeatedly applied to certain ticklish areas on the body. This form of tickle cannot be self-induced.

Knismesis: Type of tickle that is elicited by a light movement across the skin and is not usually associated with laughter. The sensation can be readily produced in the self.[x]

Definition: Knismolagnia refers to sexual urges, arousal or fantasies involving tickling.[xi]

As far as fetishes go, knismolagnia is said to be one of the “most obscure”[xii], and least researched of the paraphilias, and is basically harmless. However, people who have it often prefer tickling over other sexual activities including intercourse. In fact, no sexual activity needs to be involved what-so-ever, and some people can orgasm from tickling pleasure alone. Others don’t even need to be touched and can get turned on just by watching someone get tickled or by tickling someone else.

How to Know If You Are a Knismophiliac?

“Tickling provokes laughter through the anticipation of pleasure.”—Charles Darwin

If you have intense, recurring sexual urges associated with tickling, being tickled, or ticking another person, and it is the only way you can get turned on or reach orgasm, you may be a Knismophiliac or Ticklephile.

Symptoms of Knismolagnia[xiii]:

  • Sexual arousal gained from being tickled
  • Sexual interest in tickling
  • Recurring intense sexual urges involving tickling
  • Sexual arousal associated with tickling

If you are a Ticklephile, you may fall into one of these categories[xiv]:

Tickle Top—The person who tickles, or tickle tortures another with the object of forcing the victim, usually restrained and helpless, to laugh hysterically, cry, scream, urinate, ejaculate and even pass out from prolonged intense tickling. Usually done with consent for erotic sexual gratification, but sometimes used as effective torture of prisoners.

Tickle Bottom—The victim, usually restrained, of tickle torture, either with consent by a tickle top for exercise or sexual gratification or by others as torture to obtain information or for sadistic pleasure. If very ticklish the “bottom” suffers acute agony from the body’s automatic reflexes, such as hysterical laughter, screaming, crying, muscle spasms, urination, ejaculation, and even convulsions and loss of consciousness. Common in BDSM, (bondage sado-masochism) practice, the tickle bottom should be in good physical health because severe tickling can cause strokes and seizures.

Among ticklephiles, the terms “Ler” and “Lee” are also used to label a tickler or ticklee.

The good news is, tickling is not dangerous. Unless it involves rough, excessive tickling that can become painful; is non-consensual (some people can’t stand being tickled); or it becomes problematic: so obsessive to the point that it interferes with your life, work, happiness, health or relationships.

The bad news? You can’t self-tickle yourself to laughter. Unless you are schizophrenic, because “their brains can’t differentiate between self-generated and externally generated touches”[xv].

The solution? Find yourself a tickler partner who enjoys tickling as much as you do!

Why Do People Get Turned On By Tickling?

“Tickling is symbolic for motion, for removing things from their complacency. When somebody is tickled, they may try to fight their reactions, but it is unlikely they will be able to remain still. They will start to fidget. They will suddenly find themselves cracking a smile, no matter how hard they try to remain in their stoic stance. They will be removed from whatever state of control they are in.”[xvi]—”Igniting Your Inner Tickle”, by TickleWriter

First of all, not everyone is ticklish. To some, being tickled is an extreme turn-off, and can even feel painful. To others, they may feel nothing at all. And, then some people are ticklish only at certain times or on certain parts of their body. In fact, in one study only 32% of the respondents enjoyed being tickled, 32% were neutral and 36% didn’t like it at all.[xvii]

Why people are ticklish at all and laugh when tickled has been the focus of serious debate from philosophers, scientists, researchers and thinkers including Charles Darwin, Plato, Aristotle, Francis Bacon and Galilieo Galilei, to name a few. And, we are still trying to figure out why people laugh when tickled, which you can read about that in this article: “Why we laugh when we are tickled”.[xviii]

Tickle scientists have even gone so far as to research what area of the brain lights up when you tickle a person’s feet while strapped to an MRI brain scanner.[xix] It sounds like a cruel bit of torture to me. Imagine being strapped into an MRI and trying to remain still while someone tickles your feet!

And, according to G. Stanley Hall and Arthur Alliń in the Journal Article, “The Psychology of Tickling, Laughing, and the Comic”[xx], just pretending you are about to tickle someone can induce laughter.

Strangely enough, feeling ticklish is not unique to humans either. Apes, Bonobos, monkeys and mice seem to enjoy being tickled, and apes even play tickle games.[xxi]

A Brief History of Tickling

Did you know that historically there were professional feet ticklers? Yes, I guess you could actually have a job as a Professional Tickler.

In his book “The Sex Life of the Foot and Shoe”, William A. Rossi wrote that “foot tickling for intimate purposes was commonly used”[xxii] in the Russian Empire for centuries, to tickle the elite nobel women and Czarinas. This form of tickling was used for intimate purposes as a form of erotic pleasure or as foreplay. It was often accompanied by bawdy ballads or dirty stories. The practice was said to be performed as foreplay to get these noble women in the mood and ready for sex. Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia was known to employ pro ticklers, among her other sexual compulsions.

Professional Ticklers were either women or eunuchs and they would hone their amazing tickling techniques through fastidious practice. Ticklers worked full time as they were very much in demand and celebrated for their skills, as well as being well paid.

But, it wasn’t only the Russians who enjoyed erotic tickling. Queen Hatshepsut from Ancient Egypt is said to have used anise seed oil on her feet “to prepare them for a ritual of pre-coital tickling. A eunuch would then tickle her feet with peacock feather and bring her to the peak of arousal.”[xxiii]

Reasons Why We May Get Aroused By Tickling

 “The tactile sensitivity of the foot may actually be greater than any other part of the body, including the fingertips.”—Alfred Kinsey.

“Anatomically the sensory supply to the foot and genitalia sit adjacent in the brain [sensory input] might cause cross association in some people. Hence tickling the feet would be the equivalent to ‘tickling their fancy.’ Most certainly the nerve supply to the foot passes through the pelvic region and this again may have some peripheral association. Traumatic episodes, such as a ticking assault, could forge behavioural associations where tickling and micturition or sexual arousal including ejaculation, may be linked.”[xxiv]

No-one really knows why people like to be tickled or even why it may be sexually arousing. However, here are a few theories.

Most people at one point of their lives have taken part in sexual tickling activities, usually as teens during courtship.

Tickling can be a type of sexual (or at least intimate) foreplay. It can help you learn about your partner’s body and what turns them on (or at least what makes them ticklish!), leading to deeper intimacy.

Tickling makes you feel young again because it is silly, lighthearted and playful, and has a childlike innocence to it.

Tickling causes laughter. People love to laugh and laughter is contagious.  Laughter creates bonding between people, so tickling can be an intimate way to touch and laugh and to become more intimate with someone you love. Laughter releases endorphins, which triggers feelings of pleasure, relieves pain and promotes bonding.[xxv]

It’s safe sex. Yep. You can play tickle your lover fully clothed and still have lots of erotic pleasure without having sex.

Being sexually intimate. Tickling is an intimate way to play with a new potential partner, if you feel you are not ready to have sex yet. Not quite sex, but you never know, you may even orgasm.

Its physical. Tickling is a form of physical intimacy, which could lead to sex. Ah ha!

Tickling is also a source of pleasure and functions as a sexual outlet, foreplay or erotic game between lovers.

Tickling can be seen as a form of release because it allows the ticklee (aka Lee) to lose control as they are helpless. It helps to relieve stress, which leads to relaxation and puts you in a better mood for sex.

Tickling can be used in BDSM as way to torture or punish the submissive, or as a form of sensation play.

Tickling Games

Tickling is also an activity between two people or more that can be turned into a game. Wikipedia notes that some people play tickling games as a type of social interaction: for fun, for erotic pleasure or as a way to test their endurance.[xxvi]

Tickling games may also include bondage, to prevent the ticklee from protecting their ticklish spots, and also a blindfold to increase suspense, surprise and anticipation.

“The objective of such games is to generate uncontrollable writhing, struggling, laughing and vocalizations etc., from the person being tickled, while the person tries to control such reactions, without the ability to physically defend the ticklish spots.”[xxvii]

Tickle games are also a common type of porn (with over 19000 results on one popular tube site), which often involves a victim being tied up and erotically tickled by one or more ticklers.

Tickle Torture

“The ambivalence of tickling, a delight that can quickly become excruciating…“[xxviii]

Tickle torture can be a form of playful tickling that is extreme. It is performed by consenting adults, either as a fun game, or as a part of a BDSM scene where the dominant may tickle the submissive to reinforce their dominance or as a form of punishment.

On the other hand, some tickle torture is not fun at all. It can be used “to abuse, dominate, harass, humiliate, or interrogate an individual” against the ticklee’s will, which can result in “real physical and mental distress in a victim.”[xxix] Tickle torture has been performed as a type of real torture throughout history.

Ways to Explore Tickling

Knismolagnia Kink

As mentioned above, ticking can be explored as a BDSM activity that includes restraints, bondage, tickling with hands, or other toys such as feathers and erotic ticklers. It can be a form of play, foreplay, humiliation, dominance and submission, torture or punishment, depending on your desired intention.

Tickling in BDSM can also be a form of sensation play, or a way to induce forced orgasm (if the ticklee is sexually aroused by tickling). It often involves bondage, or being held down, or is used with a safe word without restraint. Tickling may be used with other forms of impact play or sensation play toys as well.

Erotic Tickling

There are numerous ways you can play tickle games with someone.[xxx] Then there is erotic tickling. This can be just a playful type of flirting that can be done any time during the day fully clothed. Or, it can be used as foreplay to lead up to the main event.

Erotic tickling can be used as a part of sensation play. You can tickle with your fingers, with your tongue, with your lips, blowing on the skin, with your hair or with a tickle toy like a feather.

Erotic ways to tickle include:

  • Blowing softly in someone’s ear.
  • Licking around the outer ear and ear lobe, then quickly sticking your tongue in your lover’s ear.
  • Running your finger tips softly around someone’s hairline or at the back of their neck to give them goosebumps and erotic chills.
  • Blowing down the back of neck and spine.
  • Softly tickling the underside of the knees with light spider fingers.
  • Playful squeezing the sides of the kneecaps.
  • Pinching, licking or nibbling the toes.
  • Blowing on the fleshy part of the belly with your lips to make a farting or buzzing sound.
  • If you have long hair, draping your hair over your lover’s body and slowing dragging it over them so just the ends are touching the skin.
  • Using a feather, or feather duster, straw, hairbrush, Q-tip, artist paintbrush, electric toothbrush (or vibrator) or other tickle instrument like a Wartenburg wheel on your partner’s feet, or other ticklish spots. (Incidentally, Pteronphilia is sexual arousal to being tickled by a feather. According to Wikipedia it is derived from the Greek word “pteron” meaning feather or wing.)
  • Tickling the armpit (also called a douhini) “is the tickle of the inside of an exposed armpit. The Douhini-er must then yell Douhini to further surprise the victim. Usually accompanied by a slight waver of the pointer finger. In other cases a Douhini can also be a jab to the armpit but that technique is usually frowned upon.”[xxxi]

Erotic Places on the Body to Tickle

There are lots of places on the body that can be ticklish. The most popular include the feet, the under the arms, and the sides of the rib cage. But, don’t limit yourself to just these areas. Be playful, experiment and try different places as well as different types of touch from soft and barely touching, to full blown tickling.

Don’t forget to try out the genitals (vulva, clitoris, mound of Venus, or penis and testicles in men), breasts, nipples, inner thighs, back of neck, throat and pulse point, under chin, knees, cheeks, palms of the hand, waist and bum. You never know where your sweetheart’s sweet spot could be hiding!

How To Tickle Your Partner

You may not think that there is a right or wrong way to tickle, but according to ticklephiles there is.

Consent: First, make sure you have consent. Maybe you like being tickled, but your lover may actually hate it. Don’t go there without their permission unless you want to seriously turn them the F off. If you try to sneak up and tickle someone without their consent it may feel like an attack, especially if you don’t know the person well.

Talk About It: Ask your partner where they like to be tickled. Do they have any areas that are off limits for them? Do they like light and sensual, or crazy intense tickle-gasms?

Safe Word: This could be as simple as “stop!”, or if you are playing a scene you may want to use a safe word like “RED”, so the tickling doesn’t become unbearable.

Mood: Make sure you are both in a playful, lighthearted mood to start. Tickling when you are not in the right mood can also be a turn off.

Touch: Start with a light, barely-there touch and work your way up to more pressure. Start slow and work up to a frenzy.

Repetition and Variation: Use repetition when you find their “spot” and concentrate in that area. But, you should also use variation for surprise to create more impact and give them some relief once in a while as well.

Have Fun!: Be playful, explore and have fun. Afterall, tickling is all about laughter and having fun. Remember what it was like to be a child again, and laugh!

What to Do If Your Lover Is Into Tickling and Your Aren’t

So, what should do you do if your lover is a ticklephile and you aren’t? Or visa-versa?

Just like any other fetish or sexual interest, your lover may not always be in to what you are. But there are ways you can still make your sexual relationship work, despite your differences.

Talk to them about it. Talk openly and honestly about their desires (or yours). Take the time to listen without judgment and treat their desire as important.

Try to make an attempt to fulfill your lover’s fantasies if you can. Be open to the possibility of exploring this with them. Even if it is not exactly your cup of tea, try to make a compromise. Who knows, you really may love it too!

If tickling your lover or being tickled really turns you off, then be honest and tell your lover in a kind and tactful way.

Don’t judge or make them feel lesser than, like a freak, or wierdo for enjoying tickling. EVERYONE has certain sexual interests or so-called fetishes, so don’t judge.

Try to be understanding and compassionate. Put yourself in their shoes. Or in their ticklish feet?

Ask questions if you don’t understand and try to find out how they feel. How important is this desire to them?

If tickling for you is off limits, figure out how your partner is going to get their needs met? Maybe this will involve a 3rd party (a tickle buddy) who can tickle them in your presence, or you may both decide they can see other people who are into tickling (either sexually or non-sexually). Maybe watching tickle porn while having sex would be enough?

Finally, be thankful that they feel like they can trust you enough to open up about their most hidden, deepest desires. That is a gift that you should be grateful for!

Sexual Boundaries

No matter what kind of activity we may want to explore with our lover or a new partner, it is always important to have healthy sexual boundaries.

In Dr. Ava Cadell’s Loveology University course on Fetishes, Boundaries and Taboos Dr. Ava discusses boundaries:

  • Know your sexual boundaries and respect your lover’s boundaries.
  • Always discuss the pros and cons of new sexual activities with your lover before partaking in them.
  • Discuss how the new activity made you feel with your lover and if you want to do it again.
  • Don’t let anyone talk you into doing something you don’t want to do.
  • Don’t try to change someone’s mind about a sexual activity that is unappealing to them.

Tickling is Sexy!

Final thoughts. Tickling can be a fun, erotic and even orgasmic activity if done right between two consenting adults.

Try it. You may just like it!

Happy Tickle Month 😍

+++

Are you a ticklephile?

Got questions or comments! Post your thoughts below!


[i] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/in-excess/201703/tickling-fetishism-explored

[ii] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/in-excess/201703/tickling-fetishism-explored

[iii] https://www.jstor.org/stable/1411471?seq=12#page_scan_tab_contents

[iv] https://www.tinynibbles.com/fetishsex

[v] https://www.tinynibbles.com/fetishsex

[vi] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia

[vii] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/in-excess/201703/tickling-fetishism-explored

[viii] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/in-excess/201703/tickling-fetishism-explored

[ix] https://www.jstor.org/stable/1411471?seq=12#page_scan_tab_contents

[x] http://charris.ucsd.edu/articles/Harris_EHB2012.pdf

[xi] https://www.rightdiagnosis.com/k/knismolagnia/intro.htm

[xii] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/in-excess/201703/tickling-fetishism-explored

[xiii] https://www.rightdiagnosis.com/k/knismolagnia/intro.htm

[xiv] https://web.archive.org/web/20120411070652/http://www.acarophilia.com/acarophilia-dictionary/

[xv] https://www.vox.com/2015/3/6/8158211/why-are-we-ticklish

[xvi] https://ticklewriter.com/2016/06/igniting-your-inner-tickle/

[xvii] https://web.archive.org/web/20060923122129/http://www.csupomona.edu/~nalvarado/PDFs/CEM-1294.pdf

[xviii] https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/1999/11/10/no-laughing-matter/a8498b0c-cfee-47e0-9fbd-1e2edfb769c0/

[xix] https://academic.oup.com/cercor/article/23/6/1280/426218

[xx] https://archive.org/stream/jstor-1411471/1411471_djvu.txt

[xxi] https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/06/150613-animals-laughter-apes-evolution-science/

[xxii] https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/01/19/professional-ticklers/

[xxiii] https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/01/19/professional-ticklers/

[xxiv] http://foottalk.blogspot.com/2006/04/foot-tickling-pain-or-pleasure.html

[xxv] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317756.php

[xxvi] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickling_game

[xxvii] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickling_game

[xxviii] https://martinifisher.com/2017/04/23/titillatio-a-brief-mythology-ancient-history-and-philosophy-of-tickling/

[xxix] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickle_torture

The Mystery of Ticklish Laughter- http://charris.ucsd.edu/articles/Harris_AS1999.pdf

[xxx] https://www.thetoptens.com/tickling-tools-methods/

[xxxi] https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Douhini

Men’s Sexual Health—Sexy Ways to Stay Healthy

June is Men’s Health Month, so we decided to give you some information on how you can improve your sexual health and sex life at the same time!  So, here are some tips to help with some sexuality issues that men face like erectile dysfunction, stamina and prostate health, as well as ways to boost your overall sexual vitality.

Masturbation and Sex Are Good For Your Health

Masturbating Increases Stamina—You can use masturbation as a way to increase your staying power and improve stamina and control. Try the start and stop technique to train your body how to last longer in bed.

Numerous studies have been done on the benefits of having sex.  Here are a few ways that sex can improve your health.[i]

Lowers Blood Pressure—Sex has been found to lower blood pressure.

Good for Your Heart—Having sex at least twice a week can lower your risk of heart disease and is good for your heart (and your love life!).

Improves Immune Function—One study found that people who have sex 1-2 times a week have more of a certain antibody (immunoglobulin A) that fights against germs and viruses.[ii]

Relieves Stress—Stress is related to many health issues, so any way you can reduce stress is a good thing. It just so happens that sexual intimacy (even just touching and hugging) releases oxytocin which makes you feel good and reduces stress.

Fights Depression—Orgasm releases other mood–enhancing chemicals including serotonin and dopamine, which can help lift your spirits

Helps You Sleep Better—Sex releases oxytocin and prolactin, both of which help you relax and feel sleepy.

Good Exercise—yes, sex counts as exercise too and burns 100 calories on average each time you do it.[iii]

Longevity—Another study found that sex (orgasm in particular) decreases the mortality rate in men by 50 percent.[iv]

Keeps Your Penis Healthy!—Having sex at least once a week will make you less likely to get Erectile Dysfunction says a Finnish study with men between the ages of 55-75 years, because it helps oxygenate the penis to help keep it hard and functioning.[v] Regular sex also helps strength the pelvic floor and helps prevent erectile dysfunction and incontinence.

Lowers the Risk of Prostate Cancer—Recent research studies suggest that frequent ejaculation (21 times a month or more) is linked to a 20% lower rate of prostate cancer. While experts are not certain why ejaculation may be good for your prostate, they think that it may flush toxins out of the urogenital tract.[vi]

Gives You Pleasure!—Finally, masturbation and sex both give you pleasure, which is a good thing.

So, if you are not having sex as often as you would like, we hope you have found lots of reasons why your should include it more in your everyday life!

Happy Orgasms! <3


[i] https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health#1

[ii] https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/g19544636/scientific-reasons-to-have-more-sex/?slide=8

[iii] https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/g19544636/scientific-reasons-to-have-more-sex/?slide=6

[iv] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316954.php

[v] https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/g19544636/scientific-reasons-to-have-more-sex/?slide=4

[vi] https://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/ejaculation-prostate-cancer-risk#1

Let’s Celebrate Pride Month with Rainbow Dildos!

Happy Pride Month!

June is a great month to celebrate because it marks the beginning of the summer. But, the month of June is also LGBT Pride Month, which was first held to commemorate the Stonewall riots in June 1969. As a result, many pride events are now held during this month to celebrate Gay Pride and bring awareness to the LGBTQ community.

So, you may be thinking what do sex toys have to do with celebrating Pride? The two are actually closely linked. Because celebrating Pride not only stands for promoting equal rights and gender equality, but also for sexual diversity and sexual rights. 

“Sexual rights embrace certain human rights that are already recognized in national laws, international human rights documents, and other consensus documents. They rest on the recognition that all individuals have the right—free of coercion, violence, and discrimination of any kind—to the highest attainable standard of sexual health; to pursue a satisfying, safe, and pleasurable sexual life; to have control over and decide freely, and with due regard for the rights of others, on matters related to their sexuality, reproduction, sexual orientation, bodily integrity, choice of partner, and gender identity; and to the services, education, and information, including comprehensive sexuality education, necessary to do so.”—Sexual Rights Are Human Rights,  International Women’s Health Coalition

I’d also like to add: The right to purchase and own a sex toy (and as many sex toys as you want!). Did you know that the state of Alabama still criminalizes the sale of sex toys and in Texas it is still illegal to own or sell sex toys which are referred to as: “obscene devices”‘, being defined as “a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.”—Texas Obscenity Statute, Wikipedia

So, as we begin to celebrate Gay Pride, let’s also celebrate our right to sexual pleasure, sexual freedom and sex toys!

Are you with me?

Cool!

And, here are some awesome “Pride Dildos” you can use to promote “Pride” and Sexuality rights, or just because they are way cool and pretty!

I mean, who doesn’t like Rainbows and Unicorns?

Rainbow Dildos

Here are a few of my favorite rainbow dildos or “pride” dildos on the market.

Short dildo 7″ with balls

http://store.sexpert.com/product/HO3248/rainbow-power-drive-7-inches-strap-on-dildo-with-harness-silicone

Thin, slim 5″ dildo with suction cup base

http://store.sexpert.com/product/NSN040805/colours-pride-edition-5-inches-dildo-rainbow

Fat think 6″ dildo with balls and suction cup base

http://store.sexpert.com/product/NSN040806/colours-pride-edition-6-inches-dong-rainbow

A Rainbow Knob Job Dildo? Ok!

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVELD-HP3203/rainbow-knob-job-dildo

There are also rainbow dildos that can be used specifically for G-spot & P-spot play!

The Avant Pride Freedom Rainbow G-spot Dildos

http://store.sexpert.com/product/BN88371/avant-pride-p1-freedom-rainbow-dildo

The Colors Pride Wave Dildo

http://store.sexpert.com/product/NSN040807/colours-pride-edition-6-inches-wave-dildo-rainbow

Butt Play Anyone?

We don’t want to leave out backdoor play which can be very orgasmic for any gender.

The Rainbow Triple Play Butt Plug because 3 plugs are better than 1!

http://store.sexpert.com/product/HO3249/rainbow-triple-play-butt-plug

The Foxy Tail Stainless Steel But Plug

http://store.sexpert.com/product/HO3242/rainbow-foxy-tail-with-stainless-steel-butt-plug

The Tailz Silicone Faux Fur Rainbow Butt Plug

http://store.sexpert.com/product/TDSZPRS/tailz-silicone-plug-large-faux-fur-rainbow-multi-color

The Colors Pride Pleasure Plug available in sm, med, & Lrg.

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-70036/colours-pride-edition-pleasure-plug-medium-rainbow

Rainbow Pleasure Beads

http://store.sexpert.com/product/HO3285/rainbow-baller-beads-pleasure-anal-beads-ring-handle

Cock Rings For Him

There are also rainbow cock rings for guys.

Rascal Toys The Brawn Pride Cock Ring

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVELD-RT1057/rascal-toys-the-brawn-pride-cock-ring-rainbow

6 Gates of Hell Pride Cock Rings

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVELD-KLJ675/stockroom-6-gates-of-pride-cock-rings-bulk

Bondage Toys for Everyone

Rainbow Lambskin Leather Floggers

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVXR-AA387/rainbow-lambskin-leather-flogger

Rainbow Mask

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-53378/rainbow-half-mask

Yes! Even a Rainbow Unicorn Mask!

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-53376/rainbow-unicorn-mask

Sweet Pride Rainbow Canes of Birch Bundle (to make your butt turn a multitude of rainbow colors!)

http://store.sexpert.com/product/TDSIC4X/sweet-pride-4-canes-birch-bundle

Role Play Costumes

And, finally, here are some wild and crazy rainbow costumes you can wear for some funky role play scenarios, or during Gay Pride marches and parties.

I really need that rainbow super hero cape!

Sparkles Rainbow Wand

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-53381/rainbow-wand

The Rainbow Tall Hat

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-53368/rainbow-tall-hat

The Rainbow Cape for Caped Crusaders. I totally NEED this one!

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-53372/rainbow-cape

The Rainbow Disappearing Suit? I think the name of this product is a bit misleading perhaps?

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-53373/rainbow-disappearing-man-suit-standard-size

Rainbow Feather Wings!

http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVNAL-53375/rainbow-feather-wings

So, that’s the scoop on rainbow Pride sex toys to celebrate with this season.

So, go get yourself a rainbow dildo (or whatever you desire!) and show your pride! 😉

Nipplegasms: BDSM Breast Play Techniques

If you really want to amp up your sensation and are not into subtle play, you may want to try out some BDSM breast play techniques. Again, you can experiment with a partner or solo to discover what you like. If playing with a partner, make sure to use a safe word like “RED”, so your partner knows if something is too intense and you want them to stop. Also, note that the more the breasts and nipples are warmed up with sensual touch first, the more they can withstand (and enjoy) harder, rougher types of play later on. A word of caution! Make sure to keep the lines of communication open, use common sense and play safe.

Scratching: Scratching is just what is sounds like, using your nails to scratch over the breasts and nipples. You can also purchase Vampire Nails, which are like long talons that fit over the tips of the fingers to intensify your play.

Vampire Nails by The Dungeon Store from Store.Sexpert.com

Vampire Gloves: Vampire gloves are leather gloves with tiny spikes (like staples) on the fingertips and palms. They are designed to lightly scratch the skin, and not meant to draw blood. So, be careful and don’t use them too roughly, unless that’s your thang!

Wartenberg Wheel: This devious looking device is actually not as sinister as it looks. Used in medical play, Wartenberg wheels (also called Pinwheels) gently roll over the skin to send tiny prickles of desire coursing through the body. Perfect for nipples and areolas!

Biting: Using your teeth during nipple and breast play can be quite animistic and arousing. Again, be careful to not bite too hard. The goal is pleasure, not pain.

Breast Bondage: Breast bondage both looks and feels erotic, which makes it super sexy for partner play. When rope is tied expertly around the breasts to create a breast harness, it applies pressure to compress the breasts, making them more sensitive. It also uplifts the breasts and makes them perk up more, making them look fuller and bigger, which can be a big turn on.

Check out the video below on how to tie a basic chest harness by Twisted Monk.

Breast Crushers: Again, these breast play toys sound scarier than they are. If you’ve ever had a mammogram, breast crushing toys (or breast racks) work in a similar manner, but they are not as painful. These toys are usually made of wood or metal, and have a top and bottom part that are screwed together to create a vice which squeezes the breasts flat, similar to breast bondage.

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Smacking, Flogging and Crops: Percussion play is yet another way we can play with our beautiful breasts. Some women (and men) enjoy light smacking, tapping or spanking on the breasts, to firmer impact play. The palm of the hand can be used, or add a glove for a different sensation. There are various impact play toys as well like floggers (usually more sensual than painful, depending on how you use it) to crops (stingy), paddles (heavier impact), hard canes (ouch!) and whips (oh my!). Be careful when playing with percussion especially around the breasts which can bruise and get damaged easily.

Hot Candle Wax Play: Not to be confused with warm wax massage candles, hot candle wax play is hot and yes, can burn. So, again, be careful when doing wax play. First of all, only use candles that are safe for wax play. These are candles made of paraffin wax, like those white safely candles you would use in case of an emergency. Alternately, you can purchase colored BDSM candles made especially for hot wax play. Don’t use candles with additives like chemicals, essential oils or perfumes as these may burn too hot. And, never use Beeswax, as they get very hot and can cause serious burns.

Next, test the hot candle wax on your own skin first before applying the wax to your partner. I like to dribble it on the inside of my wrist, like you would when checking the temperature of a baby bottle. Hold the candle about a foot away from the skin and allow the hot wax to drip onto this skin, slowly building up, over the nipples and breasts. As a precaution, put an old bed sheet under your partner so you don’t get mess on the floor or furniture and keep a fire extinguisher nearby. And, play safe.

Learn more about Wax Play below.

Okay, so you now have lots of naughty ideas to get you started with breast play, pleasure and orgasms.

If you want tp learn more about BDSM and Power Play, check out Loveology’s Course on BDSM Power Play!

Nipple and Breast Orgasms: What They Are & How to Have One

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Did You Know That You Can Orgasm From Nipple Stimulation Alone?

Yes, it’s true!

These types of climaxes are called nipple orgasms (or nipplegasms for short), and they can be achieved by stimulating the breasts and (or) nipples by themselves, without any genital stimulation at all.

How amazing is that?

So, if you are curious about nipple orgasms and how to have one, read on, as we explore the mysterious world of nipplegasms together.

Nipple & Breast Orgasms: Quick Facts (The Science)

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It wasn’t that long ago that sexologists believed that women could only experience two types of orgasms: clitoral and vaginal.

Yawn!

Then women started finding several of these hot erogenous zones all over their body and the understanding of female orgasms evolved.

Yah for orgasms!

So, while it may seem surprising that nipple orgasms are even possible, there is now science that shows just how orgasmic nipples can be.

Seriously… read on!

Just the Facts, Ma’am!

Okay. We now know from science why nipplegasms are possible for most women and even some men. But, what exactly is a nipple orgasm (and a breast orgasm for that matter) and what is the difference between them?

What is a Nipple or Breast Orgasm and What is the Difference Between Them?

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Dr. Ava Cadell says that a nipplegasm is a form of “unigasm”.  This type of orgasm happens when a primary erogenous zone is stimulated by itself with no other type of physical stimulation.  A unigasm can be an intense, concentrated peak of pleasure, such as a clitoral orgasm.

The opposite of a unigasm is an expanded orgasm (or bi or trigasm), where multiple pleasure zones are stimulated simultaneously, producing a full body orgasm that isn’t isolated to only one area. Nipple orgasms are produced from nipple stimulation alone, without the help of genital stimulation.

A breast orgasm combines breast and nipple stimulation together to achieve orgasm. While the breasts do contain nerve endings, they are much more concentrated at the nipples. So, nipple stimulation usually needs to occur for a breast orgasm to happen.

Can Men Have a Nipple Orgasm?

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Apparently, yes! Guys can reach orgasm through nipple stimulation too. Men have approximately the same number of nerve endings in their nipples as women, so it makes sense that guy’s nipples can become just as orgasmic. Similar studies that showed the nipple’s correlation to genital orgasm in the brain found that men show the same patterned response in the genital brain regions as women do. So, that’s good news for guys.

How men’s nipplegasms may differ from women’s has not been extensively researched, but men have described them as feeling “deeper”, “intense”, “strong and powerful”, “hyperventilating… with peaks of pleasure”, “a full body orgasm … with a vibrating pulsing muscle thing… echo[ing] through [their] body.” OMG!

That said, women tend to have more nerve endings overall on their body than men, and a man’s skin is about 25% thicker than a woman’s. This may be why women’s nipples are more sensitive than a man’s. And, women’s nipples were made for sucking, so it may just be that many men don’t consider their own nipples to be orgasmic.

How to Have a Nipple or Breast Orgasm: Step by Step Techniques

copyright DominaDoll

Now that you know that nipplegasms are a thing, you may be wondering how can you experience one?

Here are some steps you can try to begin exploration of nipple stimulation and pleasure. Keep in mind, everyone is different when it comes to what they find arousing and how easily they can be turned on by specific stimulation. Learning new ways to create sexual pleasure and create new pleasure pathways in the brain can take time and practice. Therefore, being open and curious during your exploration can aid in the process so you can learn what feels erotic to you. And, remember its play, so no pressure and have fun!

Step One: Set the Mood

As with any other type of sexual play, whether solo or with a partner, it helps to set a sensual mood and atmosphere designed to arouse the senses and turn you on. So, do whatever you normally do to make yourself feel amorous: light candles, play music, have a sensual bath or full body massage. The more relaxed you are, the easier it is to tap into your orgasmic potential.

Step Two: Foreplay

While some people can go directly to their nipples and achieve orgasm, most of us have to experience a certain level of foreplay to get aroused. For most women, it usually takes about 20 minutes to get aroused enough to achieve orgasm. The saying goes, women are like a kettle of water that heat up slowly, so give yourself lots of time to get warmed up.

Step Three: Embody Sensation

Begin by slowly teasing your way over your body with your fingertips with a feather light touch. Tease your various erogenous zones first before going anywhere near the breasts or nipples. Try the curve of your hips, inside your thighs, the ribs, the belly, the neck and the face. Allow yourself to build up sexual tension and anticipation s-l-o-w-l-y, taking pleasure in the feel of your touch. Immerse yourself in that moment of time, without any other agenda than feeling pleasure right now and becoming in tune with embodying the erotic sensations you are feeling.

Step Four: Intention and Attention

There is a saying, energy flows where attention goes. Set yourself an intention to feel as much pleasure as possible, nothing more. Then, use your imagination to visualize the sexual energy coursing through your body, making the connection from your genitals to your breasts and back, firing up the desire burning inside of you. You can also use your imagination to create an erotic fantasy in your mind’s eye that turns you on as well.

Step Five: Breath

The breath is fuel to the fire of your orgasm. It helps activate more awareness, enlivens the senses, and moves orgasmic energy around your body. More oxygen equals more pleasure!

Watch the Ocean Wave Tantric Orgasmic Breathing Practice below by Ronja Sebastian to learn how to do orgasmic breathing.

Step Six: Teasing Your Breasts

Continue to slowly tease your body with feather light touch, now bringing your attention to your breasts. Graze your fingertips lighting around your breasts in large circles, slowly narrowing in on the bull’s eye, as you spiral towards your nipples. But, don’t touch your nipples yet! Tease around the nipples in slow erotic strokes until your nipples crave your touch, and then softly caress over and around the nipples allowing them to naturally perk up with erotic goosebumps. Do this for as long as you like, then begin the Erotic Taoist Breast Massage technique below.

Step Seven: Erotic Taoist Breast Massage

The Erotic Taoist Breast Massage can be practiced daily as a way to self-love your breasts, to improve breast health, activate the erotic energy meridians, firm and lift the breast tissue, detoxify the lymphatic system and, awaken your breasts and sexual hormones to more orgasmic energy and pleasure! The more you practice this technique, the more it will begin to awaken your breasts and turn up your pleasure potential.

  • Pour massage oil into the palms of your hands. I recommend using natural organic coconut oil to massage with.
  • Rub them together vigorously to build heat.
  • Begin by stroking up between your breasts, then around the breasts in uplifting circles (don’t rub or press the breasts down, you want to uplift them).
  • Turn your hand into a claw shape and knead the breasts all over to release tension and toxins.
  • Continue to stroke around the breasts narrowing in on the nipple.
  • You can rock your hips back and forth to create an orgasmic flow, like in the Ocean Wave Breathing Practice above.
  • Clench and hold your PC muscle to build sexual energy in that area, then release with your breath, as you continue to massage and arouse the breasts.

Watch the breast massage video below (called the Deer Exercise) by Mariah Freya to see how its done!

Step Eight: Nipple Circles and Enhanced Stimulation

By now, you should be getting aroused. You can begin to do circles around your nipples and over the nipples again to awaken them. Try pinching your nipple at the base, so your fingers are lightly pinching around the areola (this is the most sensitive part!), and then gently tugging them out and up. Continue pinching and tugging in a rhythmic manner, as hard or soft as you like, whatever feels best to you.

Step Nine: Licking and Sucking

If you have a partner with you, you can ask them to erotically lick and suck on your nipples if that feels good. Sucking the nipples releasing oxytocin, so will help build arousal in the body. If you don’t have a partner, you can wet your fingers with your own saliva, and rub and tug on your nipples as if your fingers were your lover’s mouth. You can even imagine this in your mind if that turns you on. Alternately, see the suction vibrator in the Nipple Stimulation Toys section below.

Advanced Breast Stimulation Techniques

copyright DominaDoll

Erotic breast massage is just one method we can use to begin to awaken pleasure in the breasts. Now let’s explore some other ways to stimulate the breasts and nipples.

Nipple Sensation Play Techniques

Nipple sensation play is a form of Sensate Focus, a technique developed by Masters and Johnson created to help couples overcome sexual problems and to heighten pleasure and intimacy. Sensate focus is usually done all over the body, first avoiding the erogenous zones, but today we will adapt this practice for breast and nipple arousal. This works best for partner play, but you can also experiment solo to try out different and new forms of pleasure. Try using a blindfold during partner play as well, to rev up sexual tension and excitement!

The key to sensual touch is to just explore sensations in the body, or in this case the breasts, and find out what feels good to you. Experiment with various types of touch, pressure, rhythm, and variety. The giver should be aware of how their touch is being received, and the receiver should communicate back to their partner with directions on how to touch, such as: harder, softer, more, right there, don’t stop… you know the process.

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Hands on Play: Try various types of touch using soft strokes, teasing, tickling, pinching, tugging, lighting scratching with nails, rubbing and kneading. Sexy!

Erotic Kisses: The giving partner can use their mouth and tongue to explore erotic touch including licking, flicking with the tongue, sucking, blowing with the breath, and erotic French kisses. Mmm, Yes!

Sensual Fabric: Explore sensations with different fabrics: satin, silk, fur, feathers, or rougher fabrics like burlap or wool. Ooh la la!

Hot and Cold Play: Use ice cubes to rub over the nipples and then alternate with heat, such as your lover’s mouth after drinking hot tea. Hot!

Massage Oils: Discover new erotic sensations by using massage oils with essential oils to awaken the sense of smell and touch together. Warm wax massage candles are ideal for erotic breast massage as well. Light the candle and allow it to melt for 20 minutes, then pour the warm wax over the breasts to massage. Ahhh sensual!

Nipple Stimulation Toys

There are lots of enticing adult toys in the market that are specifically designed to stimulate the breasts and nipples. Let’s check them out!

Nipple Suckers: Nipple suckers are little suction cups that fit over the nipples and create suction. Some types you squeeze to create a natural vacuum effect, while others use a twist top to increase suction once applied to the nipples. Adding lubricant or massage oil over the nipple or around the base of the toy helps create a better seal for suction.

Breast and Nipple Pumps: Breast pumps are like those used for lactating mothers, except these are for erotic pleasure. Most use a squeeze bulb or trigger to create more suction as you pump. Nipple pumps are similarly designed, except smaller to fit on the nipple.

copyright DominaDoll

Nipple Clamps: Oh yeah, nipple clamps. Nipple clamps are design to put pressure on the nipple by squeezing them with a pincher type clamp. The best ones to try for beginners are Alligator Clamps that you can screw to tighten, adjusting the pressure. Nipple clamps shouldn’t be painful, unless that is your goal. They should pinch the nipples to create more sensation, and stop the blood flow to the nipples. When they are removed, the blood flows back and the sensation is amplified. Don’t keep nipple clamps on longer than five or ten minutes when starting out and twenty minutes should be max. Watch the nipples so they don’t get cold, or turn blue or purple. You want to keep them happy and healthy for future play. If you don’t have nipple clamps you can try regular clothes pins (plastic ones are best). But beware, they don’t adjust and can be much more intense and painful.

Suction Vibrators: Oooh! Suction vibrators (also known as clit suckers) are my favorite. These are designed to hug the clitoris and provide suction and vibration at the same time for 1-minute orgasms. They also work especially well on nipples, especially if you don’t have a partner and want to experience that sucking feeling. Oxytocin yum!

Stimulating Balms: There are lots of stimulating balms on the market designed for nipple play. Some warm, some cool, some tingle and some do a nipple Tango. Okay, not the Tango part! Experiment with different sensations to see what you like!

But, Why Aren’t My Nipples Sensitive?

While nearly 82% of women say they enjoy nipple and breast stimulation, there is that other 18% who don’t. And, hey, that’s okay! Just because someone else enjoys it, doesn’t mean you have to. We are all unique and have different things that turn us on. And your experience is both valid and normal for you.

Whether your breast and nipples are sensitive or not depends on a variety of factors: your estrogen and progesterone levels; the time of the month (if you are on your period or not); the density of your breast tissue or nerve endings; or if you have experienced nerve damage. Other causes for desensitization could be breast surgery like augmentation or a partial mastectomy that can cause nerve damage, injury, breast cancer treatments, or simply by wearing a bra that doesn’t fit or is too tight.

How to Get Sensation in My Nipples?

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The brain is our biggest erogenous zone and you can rewire your brain by creating new pathways to pleasure, that allow your breasts and nipples to increase their sensitivity and become more orgasmic over time.  Be patient as you experiment with new stimulation techniques as you allow yourself to develop new sensitivity.

Let your breasts and nipples go free! Don’t confine your breasts to a bra all the time, give them freedom to move and fresh air on them whenever you get the chance.

Give yourself a daily breast massage. This will get you used to touching your breasts and experiencing touch, so you can develop a healthy, loving and erotic relationship with your breasts.

Try out sensual senate play techniques as detailed above to see what types of touch elicit a response.

Nipplegasms Are Awesome!

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So that’s the scoop on everything you ever wanted to know about breast and nipple orgasms. Hopefully you have learned something new you can take home to the bedroom to experiment with and start having your own awesome nipplegasms today!

Remember, boobs, breasts, titties, tatas, nipples and mammaries are fun to play with and can be quite orgasmic with the right attention. So, start playing with them more if you want to learn how to experience exquisite nipple orgasms, and if you don’t like it, no worries. Nipplegasms are not for everyone, so find other ways to turn yourself on. (o)(o)!

Are your nipples orgasmic?

Tell us your experience below!

What to learn about other types of Orgasms? Check out Loveology’s Big O Course to learn all about Orgasms!

References:


[i] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nFEQEzMLaM

[ii] https://www.practicalintimacy.com/7-things-sore-breasts/

[iii] https://www.news-medical.net/health/Breast-Anatomy.aspx

[iv] Nipple/Breast stimulation and sexual arousal in young men and women.

Levin R1, Meston C. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16681470

[v] https://www.lovehoneygroup.com/press/2017/04/21/spank-you-very-much/

[vi] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3186818/

[vii] https://blog.lifeextension.com/2011/10/how-to-naturally-enhance-libido-through.html

[viii] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine

[ix] https://sanescohealth.com/making-the-connection-in-male-libido-dopamine-and-testosterone/

[x] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-supercharge-your-sex-drive_b_5501623

[xi] https://drannacabeca.com/blogs/vaginal-dryness/your-quick-guide-to-vaginal-lubricants-and-moisturizers

[xii] https://drannacabeca.com/blogs/vaginal-dryness/5-natural-gynecologist-approved-proven-solutions-for-vaginal-dryness

[xiii] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyq2Wo4eUDg

[xiv] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jsm.12547

[xv] http://www.sexpert.com/sexadvice/nipple-orgasm/

[xvi] https://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/nipple-orgasm-and-stimulation

[xvii] https://www.livescience.com/433-ouch-women-feel-pain.html

[xviii] https://www.hl-labs.com/pro-info/differences-between-male-and-female-skin.html

May Is Masturbation Month: A Brief History of Masturbation

May is masturbation month, and we’re here to blow your mind with these facts about masturbating!

Masturbation is a tale as old as evolution (and humans are among at least a dozen animal species that enjoy self-pleasuring themselves!) You don’t have to look far for signs of human self-gratification. While we now have porn and erotica showing people in the act of self-love, early hunters and gatherers from the Upper Paleolithic once painted pictures of people self-stimulating on the walls of caves.

Goddesses Dancing- Free Attribution: https://blog.ninapaley.com/2018/01/01/24-free-goddess-gifs/

Evidence of female masturbation was first found depicted in a clay sculpture from the Island of Malta from Neolithic period (3300 BCE), called the Ħaġar Qim woman(see image here)[i] who is poised with her legs up in the air exposing her swollen vulva, and appears to be touching her genitals in a sexual fashion, says archeologist Timothy Taylor.[ii] The world’s oldest dildo is 28,000 years old,[iii] which is evidence that masturbation with a phallic object has been around a very long time.

Ancient Stone Dildos – Shutterstock

At one time, society was more open about self-pleasure than in our most recent past. The ancient Sumerians, for example, believed that masturbation was good for both men and women, and was practiced as an “act of creation” by their Sumerian Gods. The ancient Egyptians followed suit, believing that masturbation was a “creative or magical act: the god Atum was believed to have created the universe by masturbating to ejaculation”. The Greeks also recognized that sexual release via solo sex regularly helped to stave off sexual frustration, while the Romans preferred using their left hand for solo sex.[iv]

Vibrators and Hysteria

Technological advancements changed the landscape of self-pleasure. Dr. J. Mortimer Granville patented the first vibrator in the early 1880s, but it took a while before the device was marketed as an aid for jilling off. Instead, doctors were said to have used their hands to “cure” women of hysteria.

Hysteria – Public Domain (Wikipedia)
D.M. Bourneville and P. Régnard (montage of Attitudes Passionnelles)

Hysteria was once a common medical diagnosis for women, categorized as a disease that was both common and chronic. Symptoms included “faintness, nervousness, sexual desire, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and a “tendency to cause trouble”.

Doctors “cured” hysteria by manually stimulating women to orgasm, or “paroxysm”,[v] which, when roughly translated was not an “orgasm”, but rather, “any sudden, violent outburst; a fit of violent action or emotion: paroxysms of rage.”[vi]  Sounds quite intense!

Clip from the movie Hysteria (2011) showing the fictional invention of the vibrator and how doctors manually treated hysteria.

Thankfully, the 20th century ushered in the age of personal vibrators, which became cordless and portable (unless you still enjoy your trusty Magic Wand). Japanese companies introduced dual-stimulators with rabbits and other animals as clitoral attachments such as the infamous “Rabbit Habit” featured in “Sex and the City”.  Bullets also became a popular option for women who enjoyed clitoral stimulation and more discreet sex toys.

Screen Capture from Youtube Video – Sex in the City episode where Charlotte falls in love with the Rabbit Habit Vibrator. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkvEephr9dk)

Masturbation has gotten increasingly high-tech. You can now use dual-density silicone and oral sex simulators that promise orgasms in under one minute. You can control your vibrator with an app on your phone or let your lover operate it from across the world thanks to the Internet and teledildonics. Male masturbation devices have also become increasingly sophisticated, with high-powered strokers, prostate toys, and discreet “endurance trainers” that look like flashlights.

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Who knows what sex toys will look like in the future?

But masturbation has not always been received as favorably as it is today. In fact, it has a very unpleasant past.

Masturbation Stigmas

Masturbation was considered a taboo and bad for you throughout most our history. It was considered a “wasting of seed”, in some societies who believed that semen was a source of precious energy. This was the case with ancient Taoists, who believed energy (called Qi) was housed in sperm.  Therefore, when a man masturbated, he lost energy and virility. The Taoists weren’t the only one who held beliefs like this: Hippocrates, the ancient Greek physician, warned against masturbation due to potential spinal injury.[vii]

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Anti-masturbation rhetoric also thrived within the Christian church, and masturbation was condemned for bringing a person a type of ecstasy that should only be part of a religious experience. The Bible went so far as to condemn Onan (onanism), who appears in Genesis, for “spilling his seed” on the ground rather than having sex with his brother’s widow.[viii]

Reports like these were far from uncommon, and the condemnation of “self-pollution” led to all sorts of pervasive myths about its negative consequences. One popular myth declared that jerking off could make hair grow on the palms of your hands and even caused people to become werewolves or was a cause blindness. During the Victorian times, doctors believed that playing with yourself could lead to conditions such as gout, epilepsy, acne – and, even cancer.[ix] Some myths are still persistent in our society today, such as masturbation stunting your growth.[x] The Mormon church spread literature warning about “self-abuse” as recently as the 1990s.[xi]

John Harvey Kellogg (the creator of Corn Flakes) and Sylvester Graham, who invented the graham cracker, both “advocated keeping the diet plain to prevent sexual arousal”[xii] because spicy foods enhanced the libido.

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Religious leaders also advised people to avoid looking at their naked bodies in the mirror to prevent temptation. If you felt the desire to masturbate, you could participate in activities such as thinking about tubs of worms to quell the urge.[xiii]  That’s one way to dampen the libido!

Many “cures” for masturbation were much more extreme and cruel, including the practice of using anti-masturbation devices that employed spikes, electricity, or cages to prevent boys from touching themselves. Castration was used in some extreme cases.

Girls didn’t escape unscathed either. Clitorectomies were performed to remove part or all of a girl’s clitoris[xiv], an organ whose sole purpose is to bring sexual pleasure. In extreme cases, the woman suffering from hysteria were forced to enter an insane asylum or to undergo a surgical hysterectomy.”[xv] Everything from blister powder to leeches were employed to tried to prevent adolescents from masturbating.

Modern Day Chastity Belt by XRBRands from Store.Sexpert.com (http://store.sexpert.com/product/CNVXR-AD254-MEDIUM/locking-steel-female-chastity-belt-medium)

It is really hard to believe that society feared the masturbation so intensely as they once did.

Myths that self-pleasure is bad for you persists today and masturbating with a vibrator is thought to be addictive. This simply isn’t true, however. While compulsive masturbation is not good for you, regular masturbation doesn’t pose any risks.

Many people in today’s society still carry a lot of sexual guilt and shame around masturbation and sexual pleasure in general.  This sex-negative attitude has hampered, rather than enhanced sexual relationships between men and women.

Still, people do masturbate, and it is estimated that up 92[xvi] percent of women actively masturbates according to Jimmy Jane (and 95% of men[xvii]), while the rest just don’t admit it.

Luckily, attitudes towards masturbation have drastically changed for the better with many physicians, sexual experts and psychiatrists encouraging masturbation as a practice that is actually good for you![xviii]

The Benefits of Masturbation

Historically masturbation was considered a sin or shameful in many cultures and it hasn’t been until recently that masturbation was opening discussed and even celebrated.

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There is evidence that masturbation is actually good for you on many levels: physically, psychologically and emotionally.

So, give yourself a hand! Masturbation is both healthy and normal!

For the Guys

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  • Regular ejaculation reduces the risks of prostate cancer. One study says it can reduce the risk up to 20% for men who ejaculate 21 times or more per month. So, if you are not in a regular sexual relationship, masturbation can keep your risks lower.
  • Masturbation can increase stamina and reduce premature ejaculation. Delayed gratification does not always make for a good sexual experience. Men that have minor issues with premature ejaculation can help increase stamina with a regular practice. Alternating techniques and consciously increasing the time before they allow themselves to ejaculate gives them more staying power.

For the Gals

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  • Masturbation strengthens the pelvic floor and uterine muscles. Kegels are great but giving yourself extended pleasure is mind blowing. Learning where your muscles are and how to contract and expand them creates more pleasure for you solo and with a partner. This also benefits as you age and after childbirth as it helps with lubrication and delays vaginal atrophy.
  • Sexual release helps your brain function with more clarity.
  • Women who have limited sex drive, from a myriad of causes including abuse and menopause can learn to enjoy sex and increase their libido and sensitivity.
  • Masturbation is empowering!

For Everyone!

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  • Masturbation increases endorphins that increase your “feel-good” mental state and are beneficial for the body also.
  • Sexual energy is our creative, life-force energy. Increasing this energy regularly unleashes more creativity and a higher energy vibration.
  • Masturbation helps promote better sleep, the endorphins help relax and calm your mind and body.
  • Regular masturbation helps to increase your libido: the more sexual pleasure you have the more you want.
  • Stress relief also happens during sex or via masturbation, with a partner or solo. It gets you out of your mind and into your body.
  • Pleasure can reduce aches and pains. The old adage from women, “I have a headache” may be only an excuse. Sexual pleasure and orgasms are proven to reduce or relieve aches and pains.
  • You increase your knowledge of your body and your pleasure when you masturbate, so when you do have a partner you can teach them how to pleasure you and thus, have better, more satisfying experiences.
  • Regular orgasms and sexual pleasure also strengthen your immune system.
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The American Medical Association declared masturbation a normal and healthy sexual activity in 1972. At Sexpert.com we believe masturbation is a healthy part of your sexuality and has many benefits. If you want to learn more about masturbation and how to masturbate, check out our course at Loveology University on Self Pleasure and Masturbation.

References:


[i] Image of Malta of Venus- http://potnia.theladyofthelabyrinth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/HagarQimPregnantGoddessMalta.jpg

[ii] Alexandra Churchill, 10 CRAZY Things You NEED To Know About Masturbation. May 2017. Your Tango. Accessed 04/26/18.  https://www.yourtango.com/2014216255/solo-sex-self-love-orgasm-things-you-didnt-know-about-female-masturbation

[iii]   Natasha Hinde, This Stone Penis Is 28,000 Years Old And Was (Probably) Used As Dildo In The Ice Age, 01/19/2015, Huffington Post, Accessed 04/26/18. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/01/19/stone-penis-28000-years-old_n_6499780.html

[iv]   History of Masturbation, Wikipedia, Accessed 04/26/18. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_masturbation

[v]    Michael Castleman M.A., “Hysteria” and the Strange History of Vibrators, 03/01/3013, Psychology Today, Accessed 04/26/18. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201303/hysteria-and-the-strange-history-vibrators

[vi] Paroxysm. Accessed 04/26/18. http://www.dictionary.com/browse/paroxysm

[vii]  Dr. R. W. Bernard. Science Discovers the Physiological Value of Continence, 1957, Self Definition, Accessed 04/26/18. Onan, https://selfdefinition.org/celibacy/bernard/physiological-value-of-continence-part-3-chemistry.htm

[viii] Wikipedia, Accessed 04/26/18. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan

[ix] John Duffy, Clitoridectomy: A Nineteenth Century Answer to Masturbation. 2003, The FGC Education and Networking Project. – Accessed 4/25/2018. http://www.fgmnetwork.org/articles/duffy.htm

[x] GoAskAlice Team. Masturbation inhibits growth? GoAskAlice.com – Accessed 4/25/2018. http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/masturbation-inhibits-growth

[xi] Justin J Lehmiller, A Scientist’s Response To The “War On Masturbation”. March 03, 2014, LeMiller.com – Accessed 4/25/2018. https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2014/3/3/a-scientists-response-to-the-war-on-masturbation

[xii] John Harvey Kellogg. Wikipedia. 20 April 2018. Accessed 4/25/2018. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg#Breakfast_cereals

[xiii] Overcoming Masturbation, Light Planet, Accessed 04/26/18. http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/sexuality/overcoming_masturbation.html

[xiv] John Duffy, Ph.D. CLITORIDECTOMY: A NINETEENTH CENTURY ANSWER TO MASTURBATION.1989. the First International Symposium – Accessed 4/25/2018. http://www.nocirc.org/symposia/first/duffy.html

[xv] Female Hysteria. Wikipedia,  Accessed 04/26/18. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria

[xvi] https://www.jimmyjane.com/media/wysiwyg/infographics/Touch-Yourself-Infographic.jpg

[xvii] https://www.bustle.com/articles/185565-almost-everyone-is-masturbating-but-were-still-not-talking-about-it-survey-finds

[xviii]        ASAP Science, Is Masturbation Good For You?, 09/10/2015, Youtube, Accessed 04/26/18. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU3JqoUDkjA

Victorian Masturbation – “Self Abuse” and the Demonization of the Clitoris Video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFydw6crXnI

Masturbation Myths | Teesha Morgan | TEDx Talks Video- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRkPU1fKchI

Goddesses Dancing- https://blog.ninapaley.com/2017/12/29/26-goddesses/