Some fantasies are strange – strange in the sense that they don’t sound logical on the surface. Yet cuckolding is a very common fantasy among men.
Given that several research studies have found that men tend to be more jealous of a partner’s infidelity than women, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, authors of A Billion Wicked Thoughts, found that “cuckold” was the second most popular sex-related search term in their data dive of sex-related Internet search terms from heterosexual men.
Search terms don’t lie. So why is it not so strange that a man would want to see another man bang his wife or girlfriend?
One reason is tied into the hotwife fantasy. If other men find a man’s significant other sexually desirable, it satiates his ego and his pride.
A lot of guys get off at the thought or watching their partner having sex with a guy who is more endowed than him. Sometimes it’s about watching his significant other having sex from a perspective he doesn’t have from being a direct participant. It’s like bringing porn to life; his wife or girlfriend is the porn star. Also, a lot of straight, bi and closeted men find big dicks sexually enticing. It’s really not much different from the reasons why women idolize female musicians, actresses and celebrities.
For some guys, cuckoldry is a form of masochism. They revel in the thought of having a man his wife finds more desirable fuck her in a way that he never could.
“Imagine looking at the guy who’s about to go to bed with your wife. Imagine hearing the man crying out in bed with your wife,” says Dr. Paul Pines, who pleasures himself “like a madman” during his cuckold encounters. “The high point of cuckolding is when your wife says she wants the other guy all the time and never wants you. Sally’s body makes it very clear that this is true. It hurts me worse to know this, so it’s better to know. Worst/best of all is watching Sally bond with the other man not only physically but emotionally when she’s masturbating him with her mind.”
Do guys like Dr. Pines have low self-esteem? Not usually, says sex therapist, researcher and Harvard University professor Dr. Justin Lehmiller.
In a survey he conducted about fantasies (cuckoldry was the No. 6 most popular fantasy among survey participants), Dr, Lehmiller says, “This finding (also) suggests the possibility that perhaps guys need to be fairly self-confident in order to share their partners with someone else (i.e., perhaps men are only aroused by the prospect of cuckolding to the extent that they know their partner will not be stolen away).”
Dr. Pines adds that the masochistic bent on cuckoldry requires a high degree of intellect.
“(It’s) truly intellectual in its enterprise because it replaces sexual touch with humiliation and emotional pain, both of which are psychological,” Dr. Pines says. “Most of what gives me physical pleasure has to go on in my brain. I’m totally being classist, but this isn’t like people in redneck bars asking each other, ‘You wanna fuck my wife?’ It’s much more complex. It’s pleasure on a different level.”
Competition gets some guys hard, as well.
“There are so many forms of substitute competition among men in our society, such as sports, that take the place of the real competition inside a woman’s body,” says sex therapist Dr. Susan Block, who operates a phone therapy program for cuckolds to fine-tune their fantasies and strategies.