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Why It Matters When You Want Sex

By
Dr. Martha Tara Lee
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Sometimes partners just don’t want sex at the same time. This simple discrepancy can lead to dissatisfaction when sex never seems to happen, or miscommunication when neither person talks about why sex never seems to happen – and even arguments, with accusations like, “You never want sex.” Sound familiar?

In a survey of 2,300 people in Britain, almost two-thirds of women (63 per cent) and 54 per cent of men said they wanted sex as much as their current partner.

However, there were big differences in how couples’ sex drives vary during the week.

  • Just over half of men (51 per cent) said their sex drive was pretty constant, compared to just 36 per cent of women.
  • Almost half of women (47 per cent) said their sex drive was driven by their moods but this applied to just 34 per cent of men.
  • More than two-thirds of women (68 per cent) and 63 per cent of men had dated someone whose sex drive was different from their own.
  • This caused issues for 44 per cent of women but just a third (33 per cent) of men.

The survey revealed a staggering difference in the sexes’ optimum moment for passion:

It found that 78 per cent of men and 69 per cent of women desire sex most at different times of the day.

  • Men feel at their friskiest first thing in the morning. More than a quarter (28 per cent) most desire sex between 6am and 9am – with the most popular time at 7.54am.
  • Just 11 per cent of women feel most passionate at this time. Desire levels for women rise throughout the day and reach their peak between 11pm and 2am.

In short, one is a morning person, and the other a night owl.

It is common knowledge that most couples have sexual drive discrepancy (one wanting sex more than the other). However what is also a common complaint in my practice is when they want sex. Sex becomes a chore when one’s body just wants to sleep!

What can be done?

Here are some of my suggestions:

  1. Prioritize sleep – A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine has found that women who get one more hour of sleep increase their sex drive. A sleepy person is a grumpy person. Since we deal with sleep deprivation differently, we really ought to quit judging, comparing and complaining.
  2. Make time for sex – We schedule time for everything else that’s important. How about if we get over our digust for the lack of spontanity? This is life. We have challenges and things come up. Therefore, we need to make time for what’s important, even if it means penciling it down!
  3. Adapt and adjust – Some compromise and negotiation needs to be involved to adapt and adjust to each other’s needs, wants and desires. An example might be sex in the morning this week, and evening the next.
  4. Discuss and discuss – Keep communication channels open. Even when there is no conclusion, this can be the one thing that helps when frustration is high and cross words are exchanged.
  5. Seek help – There is absolutely no need to soldier on and suffer in silence. Often, a trained external party like myself can come in and bring illumination to the situation.

Sex is more than sex. A happy couple who are both sexually happy are stronger as individuals for it.

Scientific Study Reveals Size Of Average Schlong

By
Anka Radakovich
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Researchers polled over 15,000 men on the size of their poles and found that the average schlong is 5.16 inches long. That’s when it’s erect, and is only 3.6 inches long when flaccid. No wonder men lie about the size of their woodrows. The study, conducted by the unintentionally funny sounding BJU International, a medical journal specializing in urology,  is the most comprehensive study to date. The study’s title “Am I Normal?” wants to “reassure the large majority of men that the size of their penis is in the normal range,” says David Veale, who led the study.

The study measured men ages 17-91, with only 2.28 having abnormally small penises and the same percentage having super gigantic ones. The penises were measured “by a health professional.”

In my own personal “study,” I have found there are four sizes of penises: Small, Medium, Large, and “OMG you’re going to kill me with that thing.”

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice For Men’ – Best Sex Positions For Anal

By
Erika Jordan
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This video gives you the very hot low-down on which sex positions can become anal sex positions, giving them a super-charged erotic twist. Erika’s here to spice up your Netflix & chill evening.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Why Kegel Exercises Can Change A Man’s Sex Life

By
Dr. Hernando Chaves
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One of the great sexual myths is that Kegel exercises are only for women. Not enough men and women know the sexual health and pleasure benefits of doing Kegel exercises and having strong pelvic floor muscles, but men especially have been kept in the dark.

Your pelvic floor muscles are a series of muscles connected to your pelvic bone and internal genitalia. When a man stands up, they act as a safety net that holds the internal organs inside. But as with all muscles, they stretch and lose muscular tone over time. Doing Kegel exercises involves locating the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles) in your pelvic region and strengthening your muscle tone.

How Do We Locate Them?

Without even knowing, you may already be working out your PC muscles. When you are pushing out those last drops of urine or that amazing, rhythmic “squeeze” that occurs as you ejaculate, that’s you contracting your PC muscles. Because most men don’t urinate or ejaculate enough to give their PC muscles the workout it needs, it’s important to work these muscles out separately.. To locate your PC muscles:

  • During urination, squeeze and hold back or slow down the flow or urine
  • While erect, simulate the urination squeeze and you’ll notice your penis flinch upwards
  • Squeezing or puckering your anus to improve the muscle tone of the rear PC muscle

You may be wondering why I snuck in the anus squeeze. According to Jack Morins’s book, Anal Pleasure and Health, contracting the anus can help to improve fecal incontinence. Also, the anus Kegel exercise can help strengthen the rear portion of the PC muscles near the coccyx.

Sexual Health Benefits of Kegels

Pleasure

Strong PC muscles can also help improve our sexual pleasure in addition to the functioning described below. Strengthening our pelvic floor muscles has been shown to increase orgasmic and ejaculatory power, meaning our orgasms may feel stronger and more intense. Lastly, for more advanced pleasure, Kegel exercises are a common method on the path towards learning male multiple orgasms, which separate orgasm and ejaculation. This can allow a man to have orgasm after orgasm without that annoying refractory period that comes with ejaculation.

Urinary Incontinence

Strong PC muscles can help manage a variety of sexual health concerns. One of the main benefits is to help manage or alleviate urinary incontinence. It’s inevitable that our bodies change with health issues or age. For many men, their urinary sphincter weakens and this can lead to urine leakage. While some urologists will prescribe medication to manage this, many patients can treat this issue with Kegel exercises and strengthening their PC muscles. In addition, anus Kegel exercises combined with your standard penile/pubic focused Kegels, can help create an balanced muscular tone in both the front and rear pelvic floor muscles.

Premature Ejaculation (PE)

Early ejaculation affects approximately 1/3 of men across age groups. There are numerous origins, ranging from previous PE sexual experiences and performance anxiety to speedy masturbation sessions that teach our bodies to ejaculate quickly. One of the most common behavioral treatment interventions for early ejaculation difficulties is strengthening the PC muscles. Consistent Kegel exercise routines and stronger pelvic floor muscles can help aid in ejaculatory control.

Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

Erection difficulties affect millions of men of all ages, yet we often don’t associate ED origins with weaker PC muscles. More often, ED is associated with medical issues such as diabetes, medication side effects, and high blood pressure or psychological concerns like performance anxiety. Like PE, erection difficulties can be positively affected by PC muscle training, as circulation can improve with increased muscle tone. Better circulation can mean stronger erections.

Training Regimen

Like any other muscle in your body, your PC muscles need to be worked out and rested. Designing your own Kegel exercise regimen and sticking with it is essential to reaping the benefits described. They aren’t hard to do and don’t take much time to accomplish. It just takes discipline and consistency.

One example of a training regimen is doing your Kegel workouts 3 times per week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This allows your muscles some rest time. Each day, make the time to workout three times per day (morning, middle of the day, evening). Try doing 3 sets of 20 repetitions during each session. Essentially, you’ll be doing 60 repetitions 3 times per day.

Because we want to include anus Kegel exercises, make that last set of 20 repetitions focused on your anus Kegels.

  • Monday: 60 morning reps, 60 afternoon reps, 60 evening reps
  • Wednesday: 60 morning reps, 60 afternoon reps, 60 evening reps
  • Friday: 60 morning reps, 60 afternoon reps, 60 evening reps

Remember we are trying to isolate the PC muscles, so be aware of your body and don’t tense other muscles in the body, such as the thighs, buttocks, abdominals, and core muscles. Aim for body relaxation, PC muscle contraction.

It’s best to begin with flaccid penis Kegel exercises and work your way up to erect PC muscle training. For advanced erect PC muscle training , a man can place a small hand towel at the base of his penis. Over time, he can move the towel towards the head of his penis for more resistance, even using a wet hand towel for the additional weight resistance when he feels ready.

With all the products developed for female Kegel exercise training, from insertable training wands and Kegel balls to Dr. Emily Morse’s “Kegel Camp” IPhone  App, the market for male Kegel training  is scarce.

A new product on the market, Private Gym, is the first FDA-approved male Kegel exercise product. It offers men and penis owners a Kegel exercise training kit, complete with a visual training DVD for set/repetition guidance and penile weight system for added resistance. It comes with a book written by a qualified medical doctor, focusing on male pelvic health and the importance of information on PC muscle strength. In addition, the book shows pictures of stretches and exercises to improve male pelvic fitness. Having researched this product, I’m intrigued! I’m going to test it out and offer feedback in a future article.

Why can Kegel exercises change a man’s sex life? As this article points out, it can help you last longer, be harder, not leak, and send orgasmic shivers through your spine. For many men, that can be a game changer. While I don’t think erection and orgasm is everything during sex, I like having the option of including them. The way I see it, caring for your penile and pelvic sexual heath now is an investment into your sexual future.

Mindful Masturbation

By
Domina Doll
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What is Mindful Masturbation?

We all know what masturbation is, but what is mindful masturbation? Sounds like some kind of woo-woo, esoteric thing.

Mindful masturbation (or conscious masturbation) is bringing mindfulness into your masturbation or self-pleasure experience using all your senses. It is an exploration of your body and your pleasure that is designed to increase your awareness, while encouraging an intentional approach to solo sex.

What is Mindfulness?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Merriam-Webster defines mindfulness as:

“The practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis; also :  such a state of awareness”. (Source)

Mindfulness is simply the art of being present in your body in this exact time and place. Being in the NOW.

Mindful masturbation means observing your sensory experience (in this case pleasure) attentively, in the moment as it arises, without judgment, and to feel into it with great attention. No judgement, no goal, simple become embodied, feel and allow. Overtime, this allows you to tap into the magic of arousal, to feel pleasure more fully, more deeply and in the moment as it transpires. Not only that, but you can reprogram (or rewire) your brain’s neuro-pathways to create new pathways to experience pleasure and orgasm.

Slow the-F Down

Photo by Craig Adderley from Pexels

Mindful masturbation reduces stress because it allows you to slow-the-fuck-down and just tune into your senses and enjoy the moment, something we all need to learn to do!

Instead of wham-bam-thank-you-ma’m and doing the usual thing you normally do to get off as if on autopilot, you take your time to explore different ways of masturbating and mindfulness together. It is about lovingly touching yourself, teasing yourself, experiencing pleasure (or whatever comes up), slowing down and actually connecting with yourself, your body and your pleasure. This allows you to break normal patterns (like needing to watch porn or use a sex toy to get off), and focus on what is, rather than what you think should be happening or your expectations. It is about approaching masturbation through the lens of mindfulness, exploration, curiosity, self-love and patience.

What is the Goal of Mindful Masturbation?

Photo by Nicolas Postiglioni from Pexels

The goal is not necessarily to have an orgasm, its about pleasure. If orgasm happens, great. But the goal is exploration and finding new ways to turn yourself on, to learn about your body, your pleasure potential, and your capacity for pleasure and orgasm. The goal is to get into your body (become embodied) and FEEL the sensation of pleasure without rushing through it to orgasm. This will help you to up-level all your sexual experiences.

Also, don’t go into this practice with any expectations of what should happen. Just allow whatever comes up to happen and roll with the flow. Try to stay neutral to the experience.

Mindful meditation is a form of self-love. So, be kind and loving to yourself as you practice this.

Why Learn How to Do Mindful Masturbation?

Photo by Danielle Pilon from Pexels

As we all know, masturbation and orgasm is good for your health, wellness and happiness. Mindful masturbation even goes further, as mindfulness (meditation) has been shown to reduce stress and cortisol levels, allows us to get in touch with your true authentic selves, improves cognitive function and memory, can lessen pain and fatigue, may protect us from mental health illnesses, gives you better control over processing pain and emotions, helps you sleep better, and makes you more focused and zen. It also helps us with body awareness, and self-awareness, while regulating both our attention and emotions. This continues to happen even after you’ve stopped meditating, so mindfulness has long reaching effects. (SOURCE)

How to Start a Mindful Masturbation Practice

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

The best way to begin is to just begin. Schedule a distraction-free time of about 10 minutes to an hour to devote yourself solely to self-love.

To begin, create a comfortable space. Light candles, dim the lights, put on some soothing meditation music (or not if you find that distracting), add some sensual oils to your body, have the massage oil handy, create a cozy pillow oasis in your bed and prop yourself up if needed to make sure you are in the most comfortable position.

Put away extra masturbation helpers such as sex toys, porn and even fantasy. However, you can set up a mirror if you like! The goal is to focus on you, your bodies sensations, how you feel (emotions), and to get out of the mind and into the body (somatic experience).

How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

Mindfulness doesn’t mean you try to suppress your thoughts. That would be impossible anyway. It is perfectly possible to be mindful and still have stream of consciousness thoughts without engaging in them. If you find yourself thinking or getting caught up in the mind, use the meditation technique to simply let those thoughts float by and gently bring your attention back to your body’s sensations.

You don’t need to quiet your mind or thoughts, just try to focus on what you are feeling, instead of letting the unwanted thoughts distract you. This is a practice, so don’t worry. There is no way to do it wrong. What counts is that you try.

You can also use your breath to ground you and help focus, by purposely breathing deeply and focusing on that to bring you back to the body. Try starting with a deep breathing exercise, just focusing on the breath at first before you begin touching yourself. Set an intention to simply explore what comes up without judgement.

How to Master Mindful Masturbation

Set a timer for 10-20 minutes (or an hour if you like!) and slowly begin to explore your body in a sensual way starting with your face, neck, arms, etc… Don’t go to the genitals right away!

Tune into any sensations of pleasure. Allow your attention to linger there. If it feels good, continue to explore it. If it doesn’t feel good, move on to something different, another kind of stroke, pressure, or touch, or new part of your body.

When you finally get to the genitals, avoid going to your usual way of masturbating. Again, explore different sensations that you’ve never explored before. You can pretend that you are exploring someone else’s body and learning what turns them on.

Dr. Ava’s Tips on How to Create a Self-Pleasure Practice

Photo by Chermiti Mohamed from Pexels

“In my masturbation course I encourage my students and clients to masturbate because orgasms have tremendous health benefits to body and mind. I believe that regular masturbation will produce certain emotional and physical health benefits.

Its long been established that there are myriad of health benefits related to sexual activity.  This awareness has been recorded in our culture for centuries in the form of old wives tales such as “Use it, or lose it.”  Just as if you don’t use your common household appliances regularly, they will become rusty.

Masturbation is a freedom of expression that allows you to pleasure yourself on your own terms, can help you figure out how you feel about sex, allows you to explore your sexual fantasies and is an acceptable selfish act. You never need to make excuses about why you do it. It is a gift you have just for yourself.”–Dr. Ava Cadell

10 Steps to Mindful Masturbation

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
  1. Make sure you are in a comfortable and safe place where you can relax.
  2. Close your eyes and empty your mind of worries.
  3. Breathe deeply and slowly.
  4. Explore your body with your hands and fingers.
  5. Add some lube for a silkier sensation.
  6. Release sounds of pleasure.
  7. Try using your other hand to change it up.
  8. Focus your touch all over the body, not just your primary erogenous zone.
  9. Try something new.
  10. Let yourself go and surrender your mind and body to pleasure.

Giving this precious gift of self-love and self-acceptance to yourself is key to living a healthy sexual life, whether you are single or in a relationship.

Photo by Anna Nekrashevich from Pexels

If you really want to take your mindful masturbation practice to the next level, check out our Month-long Masturbation Challenge!

 

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice For Men’ – 3 Steps To Orgasm

By
Erika Jordan
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Erika Jordan gives men the 3 steps they need to make sure their lovers orgasm!

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Give The Perfect V-Day VJ: Cunninglingus Tips

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Give the perfect VJ for the sexiest Valentine’s Day gift ever!

These oral sex techniques will create truly memorable sex and have her begging for more.

Start Slow to Build Sexual Anticipation

First, slowly and sensuously caress, kiss and lick every part of her body from head to toe. You can use your own breath, hair or a feather to tease her hot spots and give her goosebumps. Use your cool and warm breath, followed by a variation of short flicking motions and long lapping motions with your tongue on the nape of her neck, her throat, between her breasts, over her hips, and then romantically kiss and lick the inside of her thighs to create sexual anticipation.

Since most women orgasm through oral sex more often than through sexual intercourse, it’s very important to get to know a woman’s vulva and vagina up close and personal. It you want to rock her world, you need to know how to heighten her arousal one step at a time in slow motion.

Encourage her to lie back comfortably with a pillow under her head and another under her buttocks. Raising her pelvis with a pillow will provide you with the best access to her clitoris, vagina and anus. It will also help alleviate strain from your neck. Keep her legs spread flat on the bed so that you can lie between them.

Explore Her Vulva like Her Mouth

You can’t go wrong if you make out with her vulva the same way as you do with her mouth, using your lips and tongue passionately.

Lavish the entire outside of the vagina with circular tongue motions and make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact with her as it increases the intimacy between you.

Get her mons as wet as you can with your mouth and passionately make out with it. When it comes to oral sex, enthusiasm is even more important than technique. Use your hands to draw her hips toward you.

Kissing Her Vagina

French kiss the inner and outer lips of her vagina as you use the flat of your tongue with consistent long strokes, pressure and speed from the bottom to the top of the vaginal opening.

Spread and suck on her lips gently while caressing her heart for a deeper heart connection. The more she trusts you, the more uninhibited she will be.

Pay attention to her body language. If she’s pushing her pelvis toward you, or doing a pelvic rocking motion, there’s a good chance that she’s having a great time. If she’s pulling her body away, then stop and ask what you can do to please her. Every woman is different!

Clitoris

Gently lick with a pointy tongue around the clitoral hood, and then on top of it, before pulling it back, as the 8000 clitoral nerve endings create intense sensitivity.

Try playfully writing the alphabet on her entire vulva with your tongue, continuing to twist and slide your tongue in different ways, alternating from up and down, side-to-side, small and big circles, soft and firm, quick and slow, pointed and flat. If all goes according to plan, she’ll have the big “O” before your get to the letter “O.”

Take in one big suck on her clitoris and gently shake your head from side to side as you breath through your nose. Beware of too much pressure and avoid using your teeth.

Suck on her clitoris as if it were a nipple. Wrap your lips around, and start sucking lightly, then add more pressure until she signals you to stop. Make humming sounds with your lips so they vibrate on her clitoris because ‘Mmmmmm’ is not just a sound, it’s a sensation that can awaken her most erotic senses. Then follow up with some very light finger taps directly on the clitoris for sexual peak sensation and go back and forth with your mouth and finger until it takes her over the edge.

Stroke her perineum (located between the anus and vaginal opening) gently while sucking on her clitoris.

Add Sensations

Suck on some ice before licking her clitoris, meanwhile, use your two thumbs to massage her labia in circular motions.

Drink some hot liquid and then suck and twirl your hot tongue over her clitoris. Be creative!

Don’t be shy about getting some help in the stimulation department. Sex toys can take the pressure of the giver, and women love them because they feel so good. Try the Lingo by Screaming O for added vibrations.

Change Positions

Try changing positions slightly in these creative ways, to increase access, switch things up and increase pleasure.

Place the woman’s legs over your shoulders so that you can hold her ankles. This is a great position for the giver of oral pleasure to feast their eyes on the woman’s entire vagina from top to bottom.

Try the woman sitting on her lover’s face, facing away. This position makes her feel uninhibited because her lover cannot see her face, but she is in total control of the angle, speed, motion and pressure of her oral satisfaction.

Swing her legs up and over as far as they’ll go comfortably. This is a highly erotic visual position for her lover to see her vagina fully protruding. It makes for easy oral access – especially to the G-spot.

Try doggy style with the woman on all fours and her butt high in the air. This is the best position for the giver of oral pleasure because the pressure is off their neck and back. I would recommend kneeling on the floor while the woman’s butt is angled over the bed. This gives you a great visual of her entire vulva for easy oral access and is also great because the woman can stimulate her clitoris simultaneously. Stick your tongue out as far as you can to lick her from her perineum to her clitoris and repeat until she is satisfied.

If you want to try some vertical fun, have her stand like a tulip before you and spread her labia. The sensation of being pleasured while standing in a dominant stance can add to the eroticism and satisfy a woman’s wildest fantasies. The receiver is in control here, so she can direct her lover’s dead and guide them to the exact angle and push their head back for gentler pressure

Penetration

Ask her if she’d like to feel a finger inside her, and it she responds positively,

slip one or two fingers inside her vagina (only if she’s already wet) and cross your index / middle finger, then move it in and out, twisting and rotating it corkscrew style as you gently lick her clitoris. Encourage her to tell you what she likes, as partner communication is key to experiencing great sex.

Steaming Diamond Technique

Take a washcloth and cut a four-inch diagonal slit in the middle. Then dip it in a bowl of hot water, wring it out and place the washcloth over her vagina at a 45 degree angle so that it looks like a diamond instead of a square. Line the slit up with her vagina and use your hands to press and hold the washcloth in place as you insert your tongue between the slit to make oral magic happen!

G-Spot Joy

Insert one or two fingers and discover her G-spot while licking her clitoris, but make sure she is already wet and willing. Begin by resting your thumb on her clitoris while inserting the middle finger of your prominent hand in a “come her” motion into her vagina, palm up. Just imagine there is a clock on the inside of your lover’s vagina and you are stroking from 6 o’clock (at the bottom of her vaginal opening) to 12 o’clock (her G-spot). Use long strokes, creating an energetic circuit between your thumb and finger. Now replace your thumb on her clitoris with your mouth and tap her G-spot with your finger while you lick her clitoris. If all goes well, she will have an internal and external orgasm simultaneously.

Let her push you away when her orgasm has ended. A woman’s orgasm can last much longer than a man’s by the way, especially a clitoral and G-spot orgasm combined, which can result in deeper, more intense spasms, followed by waves of pleasure until she feels like she’s going to explode. She may ejaculate, and that’s all part of the pleasure!

Tri-Gasm

The only technique to top the blended clitoral G-spot orgasm is the TriGasm!

A female TriGasm is the result of arousing three points of pleasure – the clitoris, G-spot and anus simultaneously.

Step 1: The woman should lie back while her partner lavishes her clitoris with oral pleasure until she has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10.

Step 2: Change course and stimulate her vulva in small circles with your tongue.

Step 3: Return to the clitoris and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9, almost to the point of no return.

Step 4: At this peak, insert your forefinger palm up into her vagina and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel.

Step 5: Simultaneously with steps 3 and 4, stimulate her anus gently with a vibrator to bring her to a mind-blowing, magical TriGasm!

Analingus

Give her erotic shivers by licking down her spine, swirling your tongue as you trail your way towards her butt. Gently open up her butt cheeks to see if she’s receptive to anal play.

Use the tip of your tongue to lick around her ass cheeks playfully. Some women enjoy a little light spanking in this position as it makes them feel very naughty. Be sure to watch for her body language as to whether she wants it lighter or harder.

Analingus involves kissing and licking up and down the ass crack, as well as sliding the tongue in and out of the anus itself. As a word of caution, you should know that the anus is not as clean as the vagina. In fact, it is filled with bacteria, so unprotected analingus can transmit viruses that include HIV, hepatitis, herpes and warts. Using a barrier such as a dental dam or even transparent food wrap can be fun and safe.

One more rule is that once your mouth or fingers touch your lover’s anus, her vagina is off limits, so no going from the back door to the front as it can spread bacteria.

But it’s worth the effort because the anal area, like the clitoris, has thousands of nerve endings that can drive her to sexual ecstasy.

As a new master or mistress of cunnilingus and analingus, you can do no wrong. These techniques and tips go a long way to creating peak sexual memories that will keep her happy, and not just on Valentine’s Day.

Read Carrie Borzillo’s Give The Perfect V-Day BJ here!

Manly Toys For May Masturbation Month

By
Carrie Borzillo
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For most guys, their hand, some lotion, and a little privacy is all they need for a successful masturbation session. Hell, sometimes the lotion isn’t even needed… or the privacy for that matter. The point being – men are simpler than women when it comes to getting off.

But the problem is, in their simplicity, they often miss out on some great masturbation toys because they think they don’t need it, which is why we’re dedicating this article for May’s Masturbation Month to male masturbation devices.

You see, in my not-so-humble experience, most men don’t realize how amazing masturbation – either solo or mutual masturbation sessions with a partner – can be with the aid some of the fancy toys out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 men I’ve been with have never used a stroker, a fake pussy, or any other masturbation device on the market. They think it’s “weird” or “unnecessary.” But, when I spring one on them, let’s just say: Masturbation. Game. Changer!

Guys, if you’re still shaking your head “no,” just read with an open mind. Ladies, these items make for great gift ideas for your man.

Guybrator – Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo

You might have heard about this on Saturday Night Live, but Hot Octopuss’ PULSE, the world’s first Guybrator, is no joke. The male masturbator was featured on SNL when the savvy London-based sex toy company erected a “GuyFi” booth in NYC for men to “self-soothe” as a marketing stunt in January 2016. The stunt created insane brand awareness for the award-winning product and increased visitors to their website from 1,000 to 20,000 in just three hours following the event.

What’s unique about the PULSE II Solo (their male-only toy for $99) is that is uses oscillation technology instead of vibration. “We’ve created a high amplitude, deep basey vibration, which is better for stimulating men. The regular vibration used in female toys works great for women, but not for men,” says co-founder/inventor Adam Lewis.

PULSE can be used in two ways: With lubricant and without. With lubricant, the man lubricates his penis, inserts it into the unit, and masturbates with the device. Or, he can insert his penis into the toy without lubricant, turn the toy on, and, as Lewis puts it “it finishes him off without having to do anything whatsoever. So it’s the lazy toy in that respect.”

It’s also great for men with erectile dysfunction issue. “We discovered that men can actually orgasm completely flaccid. For example, if a man suffers from prostate cancer and he no longer can get an erection, he would’ve probably given up masturbating because it’s like pulling on a rubber string. However, he can use PULSE completely flaccid and still achieve an orgasm. Or it’s good for a man suffering from erectile dysfunction who just has a hard time getting an erection, this can help him get one,” adds Lewis.

Also, be sure to check out their couples’ toy as well – the PULSE II Duo ($139). The toy is worn by him, but provides vibrations on both sides to pleasure both partners.

Blowjob Robot

Male Masturbation - Auto Blow

There was clearly a demand for robot that can blow you because when founder/creator Brian Sloan set a goal of $275,000 for his Autoblow 2, they ended up raising $318,000 instead. More than 100,000 units at about $159.95 a pop of this robotic oral sex simulator for men have been sold since it debuted in 2014, and the demand is so high that they even released an Autoblow 2.

What’s the fuss? It’s hands’ free, has several speeds, and can go up until 1,000 hours or until “your dick falls off,” as Sloan says in their hilarious how-to video. “The Autoblow 2+ is more powerful and we added an extra row of beads plus covered the springs which used to wear away at the sleeves. We made a new sleeve with Real Doll to give guys something nicer to look at than the relatively strange looking mouth we created,” says Sloan.

Prostate Massagers

Male Masturbation Hugo Black
LELO Hugo in black

We’ve covered oral and hands, now let’s talk anal. LELO reports that with prostate stimulation, the size of the male orgasm can increase by 33% and prolonged use of prostate massage can help alleviate symptoms of erectile dysfunction.

The company offers three vibrating prostate massagers: Hugo ($219), Bruno ($169), and Loki ($169). They’re like the three little bears of prostate massagers – Hugo’s the most powerful with its hands-free feature and 8 settings for the more experienced man, Bruno’s somewhere in the middle, and Loki, which is hand-held for manual stimulation, is better suited for the beginner.

Male Masturbation Bruno Purple
LELO Bruno in purple
Male Masturbation Loki Federal Blue
LELO Loki in blue

“Although the prostate can be reached with fingers it’s near impossible to do solo without the aid of a tool,” says Sunny Megatron, sex educator and host of “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” “If you have a partner to help with the massage it can be very stressful on their fingers, hands, and wrists making it difficult to maintain for long periods. Massagers not only make things easier in that regard, the vibration also gives more pleasure options than a stationary object.”

Travel Toys

Male Masturbation Travel Pump

If your boyfriend or husband travels a lot and has a wondering eye, this is the perfect gift for him. Why have him be tempted by the prostitute in the hotel lobby bar on that business trip when you can send him off with Nasstoy’s Travel Pump? It’s a compact travel kit ($50) with two interchangeable bases (one for suction like a BJ and one with a vagina base for sex simulation) in three powerful suction settings, as well as 4 cock rings and a discrete zippered shaving kit-style carrying bag. Remember, for better suction results, shave your pubic hair!

Simple Strokers

If you don’t want to spend a lot of money or dive into the more complex items, there’s a bevy of simple strokers available for $10-$20. Doc Johnson’s Mood Pleaser masturbators, for instance, comes in a very artsy shape with four distinct internal textures (massage beads, thin ribbed, zigzag, and thick ribbed) and four stylish colors (frost, purple, blue, and orange).

Male Masturbation Doc Johnson Mood Pleaser Purple 1Male Masturbation Helping Head

My favorite stroker to enhance my BJ game is Doc Johnson’s GoodHead Helping Head ($12). It’s a 2-inch mini-stroker that I use to stroke my partner’s penis as I’m giving him head. It makes my “job” a lot easier. You can use these with lube or without, but it’s better with! This is a great intro toy to the guy who is sex-toy-shy.

How To Improve A Woman’s Chances Of Orgasm During Penetration

By
David Carreras
-

The female orgasm during penetrative sex is elusive for many, and nothing but a folk tale for others.

Sex Therapist Al Cooper states in Understanding the Female Orgasm that up to 75% of women cannot orgasm with regular penetrative sex alone. And sexologist Robert Birch has reported that 10 – 15 % of American women have never even experienced an orgasm, via penetration or otherwise!

This makes bringing a woman to orgasm a very tough job for guys!

For men, having an orgasm is easy. Simple, straightforward stimulation to the penis, and the VAST majority of guys are “off to the races” in just a few minutes.

Women require much more to have an orgasm… they require:

  • Clitoral stimulation

  • Comfort / completely at ease

  • Strong mental arousal

  • Stimulation of other erogenous zones in many cases

When everything combines correctly, a woman can have an orgasm. (Note: g-spot orgasms and cul-de-sac orgasms, are possible, but for sake of ease, I’ll just focusing on clitoral orgasms).

And with the way we were built as humans, both male and female, we don’t “match up” very well anatomically during sex, in order for a woman to have an orgasm. Many women have some distance between their clitoris and vaginal opening, so regular penetrative sex just doesn’t provide direct enough stimulation for them to get off.

And watching porn doesn’t make men any wiser, or more educated as to giving a woman an orgasm… a guy “banging” away at a woman, slapping at random parts.

So How Should We Penetrate To Give a Woman an Orgasm?

The clitoris is most important when it comes to a woman’s orgasm, so pressure must be put on the clitoris.

There are a few methods to accomplish this during regular intercourse.

The “Rough Rub”

This is the way to penetrate that I have experienced the most success with.

Ever see how a woman gets herself off when she’s on top? Rather than an in-and-out banging, it’s a rough, swift, back-and- forth rubbing of her clit on your pelvis… your penis is almost just an afterthought on the inside. And notice how she doesn’t even separate herself from your body.

Now try and replicate this motion when you are on top.

Rub your pelvis ROUGHLY and VERY QUICKLY into her clitoris (after you’ve eased into it, of course…). Don’t let the pressure up, and make sure you are doing as long of a rub as possible… not a short range. Speed, pressure and friction is important here.

When taking breaks, try a forceful push into the clit for a few seconds (another penetrative technique on its own)…

Throw in some extracurricular stimulation (playing with her erogenous zones), dirty talk (or sweet talk, if she prefers), and the VAST majority of women will be having an orgasm in no time.

The Coital Alignment Technique

With the Coital Alignment Technique, rather than penetrating in an in-and-out fashion, you penetrate in more of an up-and-down fashion, with the base or top of your penis (your least sensitive part) rubbing against her clitoris (her most sensitive part).

While my success with this technique has been a bit off and on, it does serve as a nice change up when performing the other techniques, and you never know… it may work perfectly for both you and her.

The Hot and Ready

Warming up a woman’s clitoris before penetration is your best bet, regardless of what technique you will be going for.

Oral or manual stimulation to her clitoris will make your job much quicker / easier when actual sexual intercourse begins.

Even the good old fashion “banging” form of penetration can work if you get the clitoris aroused enough before beginning.

Hopefully together we will be making bedrooms all over the world much happier places.

Embarrassed To Buy Condoms? Safer Sex, Delivered

By
Carrie Borzillo
-

Is anyone really embarrassed to buy condoms at the store anymore? Apparently so. If you search Google for “too embarrassed to buy condoms” 1.76 million results appear. You’ll find countless articles titled along the lines of “How To Buy Condoms Discreetly” or “10 Things More Embarrassing Than Buying Condoms,” and terrified teens tearing up the message boards on Reddit and Yahoo! Answers with cries for help like “I’m too embarrassed to buy condoms. Help!”

Embarrassed cartoon face

Here’s a thought, kiddos: Buy them on Amazon! Or… have a little more fun with your online shopping and subscribe to CupidQuiver, a monthly condom subscription service (like Birchbox for beauty products, BarkBox for doggie goods, or HelloFresh for recipes, this is a box for sex) that delivers you condoms before you need them. What CupidQuiver offers that Amazon doesn’t are fun little extras like free lubes, little role play cards, sexy tips on using lube, and/or other miscellaneous product they decide to throw in for fun.

“Remember the Saturday Night Live skit, D**k in a Box? We like to think of ourselves as Sex in a Box,” quips Todd Harris, President of CupidQuiver, which launched in mid-March.

But in all seriousness, the beauty of what CupidQuiver provides is that they reliably deliver what you need before you need it. “The goal for our clients is to have fun, safely, and to always be prepared. Nothing is worse than getting intimate only to realize you are out of protection! Remembering condoms after-the-fact is not ideal,” says Harris.

Here’s how it works: You choose the type of ID Condoms condom that you want: Studded, Extra Thin, Extra Large, or Superior Feel Lubricated. Then you choose your package: No Strings Attached (1 condom for $1 plus $2 shipping and handling), Friends with Benefits (3 condoms for $5), Singles Mingle (6 condoms plus 1 ID lube for $7), or Lucky You (10 condoms plus 1 lube for $10). The latter three packages include shipping and handling. And, you can easily change your subscription based on how fast or slow your sex life is moving.

Harris tells Sexpert.com that they are shooting for a late-July launch of curated “Fun Boxes.” “They will include sex toys, more tips, and other bedroom goodies,” he says.

CQ Mailer

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