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Embarrassed To Buy Condoms? Safer Sex, Delivered

By
Carrie Borzillo
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Is anyone really embarrassed to buy condoms at the store anymore? Apparently so. If you search Google for “too embarrassed to buy condoms” 1.76 million results appear. You’ll find countless articles titled along the lines of “How To Buy Condoms Discreetly” or “10 Things More Embarrassing Than Buying Condoms,” and terrified teens tearing up the message boards on Reddit and Yahoo! Answers with cries for help like “I’m too embarrassed to buy condoms. Help!”

Embarrassed cartoon face

Here’s a thought, kiddos: Buy them on Amazon! Or… have a little more fun with your online shopping and subscribe to CupidQuiver, a monthly condom subscription service (like Birchbox for beauty products, BarkBox for doggie goods, or HelloFresh for recipes, this is a box for sex) that delivers you condoms before you need them. What CupidQuiver offers that Amazon doesn’t are fun little extras like free lubes, little role play cards, sexy tips on using lube, and/or other miscellaneous product they decide to throw in for fun.

“Remember the Saturday Night Live skit, D**k in a Box? We like to think of ourselves as Sex in a Box,” quips Todd Harris, President of CupidQuiver, which launched in mid-March.

But in all seriousness, the beauty of what CupidQuiver provides is that they reliably deliver what you need before you need it. “The goal for our clients is to have fun, safely, and to always be prepared. Nothing is worse than getting intimate only to realize you are out of protection! Remembering condoms after-the-fact is not ideal,” says Harris.

Here’s how it works: You choose the type of ID Condoms condom that you want: Studded, Extra Thin, Extra Large, or Superior Feel Lubricated. Then you choose your package: No Strings Attached (1 condom for $1 plus $2 shipping and handling), Friends with Benefits (3 condoms for $5), Singles Mingle (6 condoms plus 1 ID lube for $7), or Lucky You (10 condoms plus 1 lube for $10). The latter three packages include shipping and handling. And, you can easily change your subscription based on how fast or slow your sex life is moving.

Harris tells Sexpert.com that they are shooting for a late-July launch of curated “Fun Boxes.” “They will include sex toys, more tips, and other bedroom goodies,” he says.

CQ Mailer

Is A WAP A Good Thing? – Everything You Need To Know About Vaginal Wetness

By
Janet Lovelace
-

This week, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion cemented themselves as sex icons with their new single, WAP, an anthem for vaginal wetness. It’s definitely a bitchin’ song both in its musical & lyrical merit and its unique position in a male-dominated genre in our patriarchal society—plus, it makes me believe I can rap—but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Brittney McNamara from Teen Vogue does a better job at tackling this.

WAP Cardi B

What I’d like to talk about is the sex ed side of having a wet ass pussy. Believe it or not, there are actual people who feel concerned about their vaginas needing a bucket and a mop. And, with Ben Shapiro and his doctor wife using science as an excuse to shame sex-loving sluts everywhere, it’s hard to find a comprehensive answer for the innocent souls googling “Is my pussy too wet? Is it too dry?” this week.

So, cue the Sexperts. (That’s us.)

 

Vaginal wetness is totally normal.

Long story short: having a wet ass pussy is 100% normal. Especially if you’re sexually aroused. And, particularly if your partner is insanely attractive. That wet vagina is A-ok.

A wet vagina (or wet ass pussy) is a regular biological and physiological response to being in the mood. Its purpose is to make sure that your vagina is lubricated during sex, so that you’re comfortable, safe, and having fun. Personal lubricants, or simply lube, has secured a spot in our sex drawers along with condoms because they mimic this natural phenomenon.

Go lube!

Why does vaginal wetness happen?

The exact composition of this fluid varies from case to case. There are a lot of factors that contribute to vaginal wetness, from hormones to medication to stress. But generally, they come from two important and special glands: Bartholin’s and Skene’s.

Bartholin's Ducts and Glands

Infographic from MyVagina

The Bartholin’s glands are located to the left and to the right of the vaginal opening. It secretes a thin and slippery fluid that lubricates the vaginal walls. You can even spread it to your labia and your clitoris to make foreplay more comfortable. This vaginal discharge is primarily made of alkaline fluids.

The Vulva Skene's Glands FULL VERSION

Infographic from MyVagina

On the other hand, the Skene’s glands are found a little higher up. They’re paired ducts around the urethra, and produce a watery fluid that kind of resembles pee. While the source of the female ejaculation is still a mystery, it’s widely speculated that the Skene’s glands are responsible for it. Yep, we squirt through it!

grey powder

Photo by Pascal Meier

Why am I wet even if I’m not sexually aroused?

As emphasized earlier, your vagina’s got you. It constantly creates fluids to keep it moist and clean, and safe from injury and tearing. This vaginal discharge is from cervical glands and the vaginal walls. It’s normal to have about 2 to 5 mL of this clear, mucus-like discharge on the daily. While that cervical mucus is also produced during sex, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it showing up means you’re aroused. (It also means that being wet isn’t sexual consent.)

Vaginal discharge even looks different from time to time, depending on your menstrual cycle, your ovulation, if you’re pregnant, and if you’re taking hormones and birth control. In fact, the consistency of this vaginal discharge can even tell you a lot about your ovulation and pregnancy!

How to check cervical mucus

Infographic from VeryWell

Infographic from VeryWell

Similar to cervical mucus is the milky-white secretion from the Skene’s glands. While I did say it’s speculated that this is where all the magic (squirting) happens, it also has an important role in keeping your urinary tract free from infection. Its fluids have antimicrobial properties, proving that yes, your wet vagina does the cooking AND the cleaning.

Another common reason for vaginal wetness is simply just sweat. It might be the general area you’re in, but it could also be the type of underwear you’re wearing or how bushy your pubic hair is. And if you’ve got sexy thick thighs, vaginal sweat is more likely to happen.

Other factors that might be giving you a WAP while you’re not sexually aroused might be stress, your mental health, and any other medication you might be taking.

Related: I Tried CBD Lube & This is What Happened…

When should I worry then?

Alright, maybe having a WAP isn’t ALWAYS a good thing, but it’s your wet vagina letting you know that there’s something wrong. So that’s still cool. Pay attention to the vaginal discharge, its color, the texture, its smell, and its consistency so you know when to see the doctor. Though your vagina’s a strong, independent self-cleaning organ, there are some battles that need reinforcement in the form of suppositories or oral medication.

Vaginal Discharge Infographic

Infographic by UnityPoint

Now go listen to this song dedicated to women and people with vulvas who love sex. Wet vaginas for the win.

Photo by Lewis Fagg

Related:

Your Sexy Guide To Body Safe Lubricants – Part 1

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice for Men’ – Should You Have Sex on the First Date?

By
Erika Jordan
-

In this video, I share some questions you can ask yourself before you jump into bed on a first date. It’s not about what’s good or bad, right or wrong – it all depends on the individuals involved and how they feel.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

9 Funny But True Penis Facts: Instruction Manual

By
Dr. TaMara Griffin
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Sex length

Mr. Penis doesn’t come with a set of instructions, so many people don’t quite know how to use him properly in order to maximize his amazing potential. And sometimes, even his owner doesn’t know exactly how to clearly communicate his needs. To unearth the folklore of this flaccid and erect member of society and to help provide you with some tips to provide it with ultimate pleasure, here are 9 helpful penis facts that will help address some of the common questions, myths, and misconceptions.

Fact 1: It’s A Delicate Organ

Although men often project a tough exterior and act like their penises are akin to baseball bats, the penis is actually a delicate organ comprised of an intricate system of flesh, tissue, blood vessels and nerves. The penis is both a reproductive and excretory organ. It has three main functions: (1) urination; (2) sexual pleasure; (3) reproduction. And while there are many great pretenders and colorful imitators at adult novelty stores, nothing can compare to the real thing.

Fact 2: You Can Fracture A Penis

A penile fracture results from a rupture to the muscular fibers and tissues. This is usually caused by blunt trauma or unnecessary roughness during sexual intercourse or masturbation. A penile fracture is an excruciatingly painful medical emergency that usually requires surgery to repair. Another unfortunate side effect of a penile fracture is that it may result in long-term complications. So the next time you’re ready to ride’em Cowgirl, ease up on the reverse cowgirl, as this position tends to be the notorious nemesis.

Fact 3: Big Feet Does Not Equal Big Penis

The rumor that you can tell the size of a man’s penis by the size of his feet is absolutely not true! There is no scientific data to support this belief. In fact, there is no real way of determining the size of a penis unless you actually take a look. The average flaccid length is approximately 3 to 4 inches and the average erect penis is around 5 to 7 inches long. The flaccid circumference/girth averages 3.5 to 3.9 inches and the erect circumference is around 4.7 inches. So think twice before sizing a man up by the size of his shoes; you just might be in for a big disappointment or perhaps the best surprise of your life!

Fact 4: “Blue Balls” Is A Real Thing

A lot of times men will try to use this excuse to “get some action,” but in some cases he is actually telling the truth. Here are the facts. “Blue balls” results from a prolonged state of sexual arousal. When a man is turned on, blood flows to his penis giving him an erection and causing his testicles to swell. If he doesn’t ejaculate, there is a buildup of pressure through a process called vasocongestion. As the fluid builds up, it causes the tubes at the back of the testicles to stretch, which can cause mild to severe pain in the testicles and/or dull aching in the prostate gland. Usually an orgasm from sex or a good ole hand job will take care of it. And just in case you’re wondering why it’s called blue balls, it’s because the blood has been in the testicles for a while causing them to lose oxygen, thus giving the appearance of a bluish tint.

Fact 5: Size Is Not An Indicator Of Performance

Big things sometimes come in little packages. By and large, no pun intended, penis size is not an indicator of sexual performance or sexual pleasure. The vagina is flexible and can contract or expand to accommodate the size of the penis, and in addition, sexual position, clitoris play and sexual enhancers such as pillows can make up for where the penis may be well endowed or lack in length. Some oral skills and a lot of enthusiasm can make up for size any day.

Fact 6: Penises Love More Than Deep Throat

Pleasuring a penis involves more than deep throat sucking. Although many people believe that deep throating is the only way to suck a penis, there are many other ways to bring it to ejaculation. Try kissing, licking, sucking, and stroking the penis with different oral and hand techniques. Shower it with affection! Do not be afraid to have a love affair with the penis. The more responsive and excited you are, the more likely the penis will rise to the occasion.

Fact 7: Drinking, Drugs, And Penises Don’t Mix

If you’re planning on a BIG (pun intended) night of passionate and intense sex, then cut back or even hold off on drinking and drug use. In the beginning, a man may experience normal desires and sex but this soon changes as the alcohol and drugs begin effect his body. Contrary to popular belief, drinking alcohol and smoking does not produce, prolong or enhance sexual performance. It actually has the opposite effect, meaning that it can make it even more difficult for the penis to get or maintain an erection. Substances can also greatly damage blood vessels in the penis. If the blood vessels are damaged, blood flow to the penis will be impaired. In fact, long-term substance use/abuse can contribute to long term sexual dysfunctions – including erectile dysfunction.

Fact 8: All Penises Change Over Time

Change is inevitable! As we age, our bodies age. In the case of the penis, some of the changes that might occur include: color, decreased sensitivity, hair loss and shrinkage. In addition, as men age, testosterone levels will decrease. Testosterone helps support nervous tissue, so when levels start to drop, there will be a decrease in desire and sensitivity, making it more difficult to reach orgasm. Although erectile dysfunction is not inevitable, with each passing decade the statistics indicate that by age 40 nearly 50% of men begin to experience erectile dysfunction. This number increases by 10% with each passing decade. Try not to be discouraged, it’s just part of the process of aging, and there are exercises that can help.

Fact 9: A Ménage A Trois Is A Must

The penis and his two friends, the testicles aka the balls, are always down for a good threesome! Many people tend to shy away from the testicles during sex play. However, there are a lot of men that enjoy a little extra attention on their testicles. Try cupping them, giving them a little tug, licking them or even putting them in your mouth. The next time you want to spice things up or include a little extra pleasure in your sexual repertoire, a rendezvous with the three of them is the perfect place to start. A note of caution: Because the testicles are extremely sensitive, use caution when handling.

In order to provide optimal sexual pleasure and satisfaction to Mr. Penis, you need to keep an open mind, know the facts, consult the owner and make changes as needed!

“Male Pelvic Fitness” Book Review

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
-

With his new book Male Pelvic Fitness, renowned urologist Dr. Andrew Siegel is on a mission to teach men about the “hidden jewels” of the pelvis, the muscles that work with the male sexual organs to create optimal sexual performance. A typical man’s workout at the gym does not involve penis exercises, but that’s exactly what the doctor orders in this book.

His main well-documented thesis is that by increasing the strength, tone and condition of the pelvic floor muscles, a man can expect to solve many pelvic health issues from erectile dysfunction to prostate issues. Detailed anatomical illustrations show you exactly what’s going on in the male pelvic region, including all the arteries, veins and ligaments involved in a rock hard erection, but the book is more than just a biology lesson.

Dr. Siegel has a wealth of practical knowledge to bring to the table from his life-long practice treating men with countless issues like urinary incontinence, prostate problems, premature ejaculation and many more.

And he’s also got a sense of humor. Expect to find the unexpected, like learning about the Walibri tribe of central Australia who shake penises instead of hands as a greeting. “Don’t try this at work,” he warns. It was also fun to read the origin of penis nicknames like ‘schlong,’ ‘willy,’ ‘wiener,’ and ‘pud,’ which is the short form of Pudendum.

When it comes to sexual health, so many questions can go unanswered due to shyness or just a lack of proper communication with one’s doctor. This book gives a full practical guide to men’s sexual health covering topics that some men may not bring up at the doctor’s office, like how anti-depressants affect a man’s sexual performance.

My favorite three chapters include Marvel’s Of The Penis, Male Sexual Dysfunction and Muscles of Love! This is knowledge every man and woman needs to know in order to understand male sexual health and pleasure. Couples should read these chapters together as part of foreplay or even afterplay! And knowing that it’s never to late to improve your sexual health by doing some pelvic floor muscle exercises should be empowering to men. There is even a program called, Private Gym that comes with a DVD, a penis exerciser and this book, so buy it for yourself or give it as a gift and it will be one of the most memorable and valuable gifts ever!

Dr. Siegel’s reader-friendly format keeps you focused on what’s important, with the bolded Who Knew? beside interesting facts (like little-known Viagra side effects) and Bottom Line to call out summary statements that get to the point. There’s also a great interview with Pilates expert Catherine Byron who outlines a 10-step pelvic strengthening Pilates routine.

I recommend the book to all men as a fantastic primer in penis health, and the Private Gym for giving penis exercises a try.

To Spit Or Swallow?

By
Alison Miller
-

I was in the nail salon, gazing at a turned off television flanked by fake flowers, when the age-old question, “Do you spit or swallow?” eeked into my brain. “Spit or swallow” is the harshly limited ultimatum posed to teenagers, and most of us haven’t heard it since high school. Back then, I’m pretty sure I knew girls who answered both ways. Not being on the receiving end of fellatio, I took little note of who said what or why.

While one hand soaked and the other’s nails were filed, I wondered, “does anyone really spit?” Do women actually take ejaculate into their mouths and then spit it out because they object to swallowing? Is there a reason for objecting to swallowing other than disliking the taste? Doesn’t everyone know that tastebuds are on the tongue and not in the stomach?

While my polish was applied, I determined that no, no one spits. At least not anyone out of high school, and probably not even teenagers, given the extent of information and entertainment on the internet. That might have been that (I’m good at deciding things and singularly declaring them to be true) if the subject hadn’t come up later that night.

Our spit vs. swallow conversation derived from the topic of sexual education and the darnedest things kids say. A friend’s pre-teen had recently learned that oral sex is a thing, and wondered why people do it.

“So, but, do kids actually still talk about ‘spit or swallow’?” I interjected. Does ANYONE spit? I mean, for reasons other than being stimulated by the visual of spitting and then maybe licking it back up?”

I got a few blank looks and the familiar comment, “You’re on the other far side of the spectrum.”

Someone suggested I conduct I survey. We all admitted that, coming from Taboo’s social media followers, the results would be extremely biased. Then I did it anyway.

Here’s what my seven question, extremely biased “Let’s Talk About Head” survey taught me:

60% of women really enjoy giving head. 30% dig it when they’re in the mood, and 10% will do it to please their partners. Conversely, a whopping 90% of men love performing oral sex and only one responded that he didn’t enjoy it at all.

When it comes to climax, 75% of women and 84% of men want to do it in their partners’ mouths.

When I asked how women feel about their partner climaxing in their mouths, 58% said it turns them on. 33% responded “It’s nice, I guess.” 7% refuse it.

Contrarily, 88% of my male respondents are turned on by receiving orgasm orally! High fives!

 Finally, do women spit or swallow?

My super-scientifically sound survey determines that 79% of women swallow.

7% spit because they don’t don’t enjoy swallowing, 5% spit because they find it erotic, and 9% never let ejaculate touch their lips. Those who find spitting erotic were some of the first to respond, so I’m pretty sure they’re my employees, but I stand by the authenticity of my results.

So, okay, a few of you do spit. Color me the teensiest bit wrong and the slightest bit confused. However, I like it when sexual practices surprise me. It means folks are keeping it fresh, which is one of the first rules of good sex.

Another is being true to yourself. While pushing personal boundaries is often stimulating, no one should feel pressured to participate in what makes them uncomfortable.

You do you, but I’ll leave you with a healthful facts about semen:

  • Is a natural anti-depressant
  • Contains anti-anxiety hormones
  • Encourages better sleep through melatonin
  • Improves memory and brain function
  • Contains zinc, an antioxidant that slows aging

Cheers.

What is Cuckolding?

By
Erika Jordan
-

People have been asking Sexpert.com for more information on cuckolding in relationships. Our article “Cuckold Relationships” by Dawn Michael is one of the most-read pieces on the site, because people hear about the practice and want to know what it is, and whether it’s right for their relationships. Most people know it has something to do with wanting to “watch” as your partner has sex with another person, but how does it work and what is the lingo? Who’s doing it and why? In this video, I explain the basics of cuckolding.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Valentine’s Day Relationship Inventory Test

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
-

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, or you just started dating someone new, Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion to evaluate your love life.

Sometimes a partner will look great “on paper” in terms of your similar interests or circle of friends, but then as things move forward, the daily behavior and interaction between you just doesn’t make your heart sing. What’s happening here? Is there anything you can do to figure it all out?

Yes there is, and it’s free and easy to accomplish. The truth is that a simple good versus bad list can help you clarify what’s working and what isn’t. Sure, relationships require compromise, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for being unhappy!

I’m sharing this sample list below from one of my clients, so that you can see the kinds of things I’m suggesting for your list. She had been dating this man for three months, and had sex with him after seven dates. She saw him twice after that before calling me for help. She was confused and conflicted about becoming his girlfriend. In her gut, she knew he wasn’t right for her, but she didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day this year.

I had my client write a list of his good and bad qualities. Reading the list, she had a revelation discovering the 15 bad qualities compared to only 10 good ones. Then I asked her what her 10 top priorities were to make her life better, and we checked off the ones that he could fulfill. She could only find 3 ways out of 10 that he could bring joy to her life, and could easily find 7 that would make her life more miserable.

This is how you can create your own list for your relationship. Make two columns – good and bad – and create your inventory list like this:

Relationship Inventory:

GOOD:                                                                   BAD:

 1. Old Friend  His home location is too far
 2. Kind  He has too many health issues
 3. Gentle   Hardly has any friends
 4. Good job  He goes to bed too late
 5. Financially stable  Doesn’t like to travel
 6. Intelligent   Pessimist prepares for the worse
 7. Romantic  Suffers from OCD & anxiety
8. Sense of humor  Homebody
 9. No kids or wives  Bad lover
 10. Gives compliments  Talks too long on phone
 11.  Political differences
 12.  Brags about old girlfriends
 13.  Complains a lot about people
14.  Shares all his problems
15.  Not generous

Okay, now that you’ve done the hard part, let’s analyze the data to answer the ultimate question of this exercise: Is this person going to make my life better?

Here’s how my client’s evaluation turned out based upon her lifestyle, her priorities, wants, needs and desires.

  1. Travel – NO
  2. Home – NO
  3. Generosity – NO
  4. Sex – NO
  5. Social – NO
  6. Conversation – NO
  7. Bedtime Compatibility – NO
  8. Romance – YES
  9. Compliments – YES
  10. Friendship – YES

So as you can see, the not-so-great news here is that the bad outweighs the good in this analysis. But the good news is that, armed with this information, this woman can now pinpoint the source of her frustration or disappointment within the relationship. Before my client left, I told her she had two choices. She could either discuss these issues with her partner and come to a resolution, or she could make an exit strategy to find someone with whom the good will outweigh the bad!

My client instinctively chose the latter, and I told her not to be sad because this man was just a stepping stone to finding a man worthy of her, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually. It was the first time I saw her smile, and she told me she felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off her.

You’re better off alone this Valentine’s Day than being with somebody who lacks the qualities that you are looking for in a relationship. Be your own Valentine, and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you!

Hooking Up: What Are The Emotional Risks?

By
Dr. TaMara Griffin
-

Have marriage, monogamy and longterm commitments really taken a back seat to casual sex?

“Hooking up,” “Friends with Benefits,” “Hit it and Quit it,” “Cuddle Buddies” – whatever you choose to call it – has become the focus of many Internet ‘dating’ sites, and has perhaps also become more socially acceptable, or even expected, if not glamorized in today’s society.

If this is the case, what are the implications for the emotional wellbeing of our dating population? Is the notion of ‘no strings attached’ – “NSA” – really the epitome of simplicity and sexual pleasure, or could it be a nightmare waiting to happen?

Frisky & Risky

Some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, some reports indicate that people are often left emotionally empty as well as physically and spiritually distressed. In addition, the emotional and distressed effects can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust.

Once someone has been a “Hook Up” for an extended period of time, they inevitably begin to crave more and emotions may become involved. It’s a natural progression of the emotional fidelity that develops when individuals continuously intermingle. This natural progression occurs when there is an exchange of physical energy along with the chemical hormones that are secreted from the brain every time people engage in sexual activities. These chemical hormones are responsible for “bonding” individuals together, which is why even long after we’ve stopped having sex with someone we still feel connected to them.

In fact, there are some serious consequences with a “no strings attached” sexual life that should be considered beforehand. Here are just a few;

  • Risk for sexually transmitted infections including HIV
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Potentially ruining friendships
  • Settling for less than you want and/or deserve
  • Loneliness
  • Depression
  • Lower to self-esteem
  • Spiritual conflicts
  • Inability to form healthier relationships

Right For Some People

On the other hand, engaging in sex with “NSA” can be just what the doctor ordered for some. The freedom of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life, and multiple partners without commitment can be a liberating way to explore sexual preferences, try on different sexual styles, and discover what you want and need sexually. It’s also a great way to discover and explore sexual fantasies without feeling fear, guilt or shame. “Hooking up” adds variety to a sex life, keeping things fresh and new. It’s an ideal arrangement for those who are more focused on work or other thing and do not have the desire to be in a committed relationship.

Rules For Hooking Up

Having a sexual relationship with no strings attached can be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and a breath-taking experience, but if you don’t understand or consent to the rules of engagement you might find yourself regretting the experience, or getting yourself into a very hectic situation. If you plan on having casual sex, you may consider some of the following tips before moving forward:

A Shared Understanding Is Essential

It’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the NSA arrangement. Each partner should have a clear understanding as well as mutual power and say in the situation.

Honesty & Communication Come First

Be upfront and direct regarding your intentions. Always communicate your expectations before getting into any relationship. Identify clear boundaries. If you find yourself developing feelings once you’re in the situation, communicate this to your partner as well. This will help to minimize confusion.

Find A Balance Between Physical Intimacy & Emotional Detachment

Remember this is just a casual arrangement. Expecting emotional intimacy is a sure way to set yourself up for heartache and disappointment.

Limit Time Together

This gets you into dangerous territory! When you start to spend more time together, someone will inevitably develop feelings. It also sends mixed messages and can create an uncomfortable situation.

Keep Your Feelings In Check

If you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, don’t convince yourself that he or she is feeling the same way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without reciprocation, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and either negotiate a change or end it all together.

Be Considerate

Don’t take advantage of the situation. If you suspect that your “Friend with Benefits” is developing feelings for you, do not lead them on. Initiate a discussion with them and/or end the situation immediately. Imagine how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Practice Safe Sex

Never take for granted the importance of safer sex. Even though you think you know and/or you may not be having sex with anyone else, it’s still important to use condoms. Consider the fact that there’s no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with. Be responsible for your sexual health.

Re-evaluate Your Situation And/Or Agreement

To ensure everyone is on the same page, it is important to re-evaluate the arrangement from time to time. If at any time you decide that the situation is no longer in your best interest, there should be an understanding that either of you can walk away or end things at anytime.

Sex NSA is certainly not for everybody! However, should this be your choice, make sure that you approach it with consent and a thorough understanding of the rules of engagement. Whenever it comes to any type of sexual relationship, honesty and communication are essential. You must not only be honest with yourself but also honest with the person(s) in the situation with you.

If it’s a relationship you’re looking for, do not accept a sex NSA arrangement. Do not enter into a NSA agreement hoping to change your partners mind or trick them into a relationship. You will be the only one to end up being hurt and potentially ruining the friendship. If at any time during the sex NSA agreement you start to notice a change in behavior, it’s important that you address the change immediately. First, decide if you even want to continue the sex NSA then discuss if the original NSA agreement needs modification or if the best course for all is to walk away.

Back To Basics – Sexual Positions

By
Dr. TaMara Griffin
-

When it comes sex, we often get so caught up in orgasms and “goal oriented” sex that we miss the mark. We are so busy trying to impress each other with our sexual prowess that we forget the simple pleasures of good ol’ fashioned sex! These three basic sexual positions will bring you back to that space of connection and romance that inevitably leads to deeper satisfaction.

Missionary

Good Ol’ Missionary Position is one of the most romantic sex positions there is. Face to face and heart to heart, it allows partners to intimately connect on a deeper and more meaningful level. The bodies are in alignment and easy entry into the vagina means you’re not angling for any acrobatics – you’re just focused on each other. Partners are able to gaze into each other’s eyes, breathe together, take long passionate kisses, maintain body-to-body closeness, and synchronize their movements. Take your time and enjoy the pose that makes penetration more satisfying, often leading to intense orgasms for women and men.

Woman On Top

Woman on Top Position, in any variation, includes positions like “Cowgirl” “Reverse Cowgirl” “The Lotus” “Yab-Yum” etc. Women love these positions because they allow them to be able to control the speed, angle and depth of penetration. When a woman is on top, it makes it easier for her to move in a way that feels more pleasurable for her. The man’s hands are free to roam and stimulate other pleasure points of her body such as: breast, back, butt, etc., which also helps to increase her body’s sensitivity. These positions also offer direct stimulation of the clitoris and G-spot which can maximize her chances of having an orgasm.

Spooning

With spooning positions both partners can cuddle closely together. The angle of this position puts pressure in all the right places for both partners. Although spooning does not allow for eye contact, it offers a nuzzling closeness that’s hard to beat. Similarly to the woman on top positions, spooning positions allows the man all access to all the pleasure points on the woman’s body. Her partner can caress her stomach, breast, neck, and clitoris. Another reason this position is so popular is because of the full-body contact which allows for cuddling and low-intensity sex that can last for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a sweaty, highly charge, acrobatic sex session. However, sometimes we need to take back to the basics. With these three sexual positions, you can not go wrong.

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