Top 10 Sexual Resolutions for Women

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December 11, 2021

How can you make 2022 the sexiest year ever? I’ve got a surefire way for you to explore your desires so it can happen for you now!

This is an exercise that I have demonstrated with audiences in the U.S., the U.K. and five cities in Australia, and it’s not only a great ice-breaker for people to discuss their wants and needs, but it results in a tangible blue print for the actions you can take to make your fantasies come true.

I always start out by asking, “Are you making love a priority in your life?” and I usually get mixed results. There are single people focused on their careers who have just started to feel the urge to get ‘out there’ and look for a soul mate, and singles who have been looking forever and keep dating the same type of person who’s making them miserable. There are couples who are afraid they’re growing apart and want to reverse that trend, and couples who are closer than ever, ready to take on new sexual adventures together. There are also couples in predictable relationships where they make love in the same place at the same time in the same position all the time – and at least one of them is not sexually satisfied and could be resentful.

Next I ask everyone write down ten things that they believe would make their love lives better. I encourage you to do this before the new year too! You can choose things like I want to feel confident when I’m naked, or I want more cuddling. Here’s an example of a top ten list from a female client:

1. I want to find the right lover
2. I want to love my entire body
3. I want to overcome my sexual inhibitions
4. I want to overcome my sexual guilt & shame
5. I want to get some amazing sex toys
6. I want to have a sexier bedroom
7. I want to have more time for sex
8. I want sex more often / I want sex to last longer
9. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires
10. I want to have more sexual adventures

Now that you’ve made your list, I want you to keep the five things from your list that are absolutely necessary in order for you to have more happiness, more satisfaction, more fulfilment, more intimacy and more sex. Then delete the other five.

My female client’s top five list:

1. I want to love my entire body (because she couldn’t surrender to a lover without feeling self-conscious about her weight)
2. I want to find the right lover (it had been four years since her divorce)
3. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires (her ex-husband was unwilling to learn about her sexual needs)
4. I want to have more sexual adventures (she tried to get her husband to make love in different positions and try Tantric sex, but he said he wasn’t interested)
5. I want some amazing sex toys (she wants to have orgasms even without a partner)

Now, my client was astonished when I asked her to choose only two essential items from her diminishing list. I gave her ten minutes, five minutes for each! She decided to keep:

1. I want to love my entire body (which includes overcoming sexual inhibitions & using sex toys)
2. I want to find the right lover (which includes sexual adventures and good communication)

The next session I spent with this client was dedicated to discovering how she could love her body. We used a naked “Gingerbread Lady” exercise to help. She drew a simple outline of her body, then I gave her a red crayon to highlight the areas on her body that she didn’t like. She focused on her belly and thighs, so we discussed them both, and came up with reasons for her to turn that disdain into love. With her belly, she was self-conscious about the layer of fat, but as we discussed her joyful pregnancy and the miracle of childbirth, she began to see that there were good associations with her belly as well, including a healthy digestive system that had never given her any problems. With her thighs she managed to transform, “They’re too big” into “They’re strong and I love how the muscles feel when I’m hiking.”

After that we tackled how she could find the right lover. I gave her a pheromone-infused lava rock bracelet from Eye of Love to attract potential partners and help make her feel more confident. Then I recommended that she go to three different places where she might find a man with the qualities she was looking for in a partner – a hardware store, a popular hiking trail and a health food restaurant. You may have gathered that she was looking for a man who was fit, handy and a vegetarian! By the way, she met him when he complimented her bracelet.

The thought-provoking conclusion to this new year’s resolution exercise is that you don’t need as much as you thought you did in order to be sexually fulfilled and satisfied! The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that we often write a long list of things we want to change, eliminate or improve that it becomes so overwhelming we don’t do any of them! I don’t want that to happen to you in your love life.

I encourage you to do this exercise because your sexual pleasure is guaranteed to improve the quality of your life, and create memories that last a lifetime.

Scientific Study Reveals Size Of Average Schlong

By

Anka Radakovich

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October 26, 2021

Researchers polled over 15,000 men on the size of their poles and found that the average schlong is 5.16 inches long. That’s when it’s erect, and is only 3.6 inches long when flaccid. No wonder men lie about the size of their woodrows. The study, conducted by the unintentionally funny sounding BJU International, a medical journal specializing in urology, is the most comprehensive study to date. The study’s title “Am I Normal?” wants to “reassure the large majority of men that the size of their penis is in the normal range,” says David Veale, who led the study.

The study measured men ages 17-91, with only 2.28 having abnormally small penises and the same percentage having super gigantic ones. The penises were measured “by a health professional.”

In my own personal “study,” I have found there are four sizes of penises: Small, Medium, Large, and “OMG you’re going to kill me with that thing.”

The Realities of Sexual Fantasies

By

Bobby Morgan

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July 30, 2021

woman-6174830_1280 — Image by Сергей Катышкин from Pixabay

We All Have Sexual Fantasies

Even if you think your fantasy is weird or might freak out your partner, chances are, that your fantasy is not all that unusual. It’s a safe bet that your partner has fantasies, too.

In October 2014, a group of scientists at the University of Montreal published a study that asked 1,517 adult men and women residing in Quebec about their sexual fantasies. (How cool would it be to have that job?)

Top Female Fantasies

The study found the Top 10 fantasies among women were:

1. The location is specified: 27.2% (No. 6 for men: 11.3%)
– Exotic or unusual private place (e.g., deserted beach, swimming pool, forest): 21.4%; public place (e.g., office, restrooms, bar, aircraft, etc.): 5.8%

2. Spouse or current lover is exclusively involved: 20.1% (No. 10 for men: 7.9%)

3. Focus on own submissive behavior: 18.8% (Not reported as a Top 28 fantasy for men)

4. Specifically involves a stranger: 14.3% (No. 24 for men: 1.9%)

5. The type of ambience is specified: 11.7% (Not reported as a Top 28 fantasy for men)

6. Exhibitionism: 8.9% (No. 23 for men: 1.9%)

7. Involves homosexual activities: 8.2% (No. 7 for men: 8.2%)

8. Group sex: 7.8% (No. 9 for men – with men and women or only women: 8.1%)
– Active role with men and women: 3.9%; passive role surrounded by men: 3.9%

9. Specifically refers to an authority figure or a celebrity: 7.1% (No. 14 for men: 4.2%)

10. Involves a sexual object: 6.5%

Top Male Fantasies

The Top 10 fantasies among men were:

1. Voyeurism: 15.0% (No. 11 for women: 3.9%)
– Watching a spouse having sex with another man: 8.4%; alone, spying an unaware stranger: 3.3%; watching spouse having sex with another woman: 3.3%

2. Fetishism: 14.0% (Not reported as a Top 19 fantasy for women)

3. Threesomes: 12.6% (No. 13 for women: 3.2%)
– With strangers or acquaintances: 7.0%; with a spouse: 5.6%

4. Oral sex (non-homosexual): 11.7% (Not reported as a Top 19 fantasy for women)
– Receiver (fellatio): 10.8%; giver (cunnilingus): 3.3%

5. Anal sex (non-homosexual): 11.7% (No. 19 for women (as a receiver): 1.3%)
– Receiver (with a strap-on or shemales): 6.1%; giver with a woman: 5.6%

6. Location-specific: 11.3% (No. 1 with women: 27.2%)
– Exotic or unusual private place (e.g., deserted beach, swimming pool, forest): 7.5%; public place (e.g., office, restaurant, bar, aircraft): 3.8%

7. Homosexual activities: 8.9% (No. 7 for women: 8.2%)

8. Involves an acquaintance: 8.5% (No. 18 for women: 1.3%)

9. Group sex (with men and women or only women): 8.1% (No. 8 for women: 7.8%)
– Active role: 7.5%; passive role: 0.6%

10. Spouse or current lover is exclusively involved: 7.9% (No. 2 for women: 20.1%)

What Fantasies are Typical?

In all, five sexual fantasies in the study were statistically typical and endorsed by more than 84.1% of participants — feeling romantic emotions during a sexual relationship, fantasies in which atmosphere and location are important, and fantasies involving a romantic location; receiving oral sex, and having sexual intercourse with two women. Among the remaining sexual fantasies, 23 were common in men and 11 were common in women.

What Fantasies are Rare?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, two sexual fantasies were found to be statistically rare (endorsed by 2.3% or less of participants) — having sex with a child under the age of 12 (0.8% of women and 1.8% of men) and having sex with an animal (3% of women and 2.2% of men). Among the 53 sexual fantasies studied in the survey, nine were statistically unusual (endorsed by 15.9% or less of participants) — seven for women (urinating on partner, 3.5%; being urinated on, 3.5%; wearing clothes of the opposite gender, 6.9%; forcing someone to have sex, 10.8%; abusing a person who is drunk, asleep, or unconscious, 10.8%; having sex with a prostitute, 12.5%; and having sex with a women who has very small breasts, 10.8%) and four for men (urinating on partner, 8.9%; being urinated on, 10.0%; having sex with two other men, 15.8%; having sex with more than three other men, 13.1%).

“Many fantasies that one might suspect would be unusual are, in fact, endorsed by a significant portion of individuals,” says Dr. Richard Krueger, MD, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York City who was not a researcher that was part of the study. “Yet this doesn’t mean that these are pathological at all. It just means that people have them. The only way that it becomes pathological is if it involves distress, dysfunction, or action on a non-consenting person.”

Does it Mean You Want it in Real Life?

While many women who took part in the survey expressed more extreme fantasies, especially of submission and domination by a stranger, they say that they never want these fantasies to come true. However, the majority of men that took part in the survey have more fantasies than women, express them much more vividly, and would love their fantasies to come true, especially threesomes.

But let’s say that you have a fantasy your partner doesn’t want to act out, let alone talk about, or if you don’t have currently have a partner. Perhaps you have a fantasy that will never play out in your life or is socially taboo.

“Having (fantasies) does not automatically translate into wanting to act them out,” says Michael Wiederman, a professor of psychology at Columbia College in South Carolina. “Perhaps it’s the assumption that fantasies say something about desired behavior that leads some people to feel guilty about their sexual fantasies. However, by definition, fantasies are safe (no one is actually hurt in real life) and they can end the way the fantasizer desires. Conversely, attempts to act out fantasies frequently result in less than desirable experiences. So, as long as your fantasies remain just that, you can give yourself permission to enjoy that aspect of your sexuality without guilt or concern about normality.”

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-realities-of-fantasies/

Hot Tub Sex is HOT! and Oh, so Sexy

By

Bobby Morgan

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June 28, 2021

pexels-andrea-piacquadio-3851247 — Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

A few weekends ago, we had one of those rare weekends with high temperatures in the 70’s. We just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to do something fun outdoors, and what could be more fun than sex in a hot tub?

Luckily, I live relatively close to an outstanding outdoor hot tub spa. Each of the private outdoor “rooms” are decorated in a theme.

If you’re thinking that themed rooms are tacky, these are not. We got the Oahu room, which is surrounded by high privacy walls and fences complete with a waterfall. (On a previous visit, we had the Vancouver room that’s furnished in a rustic lodge feel with a gas fireplace.) There’s also a selection of piped-in music to set the mood. An acoustic strings channel was quite fitting for the dreamy post-brunch state of mind we were already in.

Regardless of the surroundings, hot tub sex is … well … pretty damn hot. The sensations of feeling weightless and buoyant in the warm, bubbling water is a sensual experience onto itself. It also lends to some sex positions that wouldn’t be possible or nearly as comfortable on a bed or in a chair. If you have sizable weight or height differences, being in the bubbly, shallow water makes many more positions do-able.

He sat back while I straddled his hips and effortlessly pumped and ground myself on top of him. While I was expending most of the energy and action, it hardly felt if I was at all. If it were physiologically possible to make love all day, sex in a hot tub would be the way to do it.

While waterproof battery-operated toys can be fun in a hot tub, they really aren’t necessary if you catch my drift. On both visits, we never thought about using sex toys.

Before Your Dive Into Hot Tub Sex…

Before jumping into a hot tub sex outing, there are a few things that you should keep in mind.

Pay heed to medical conditions. Hot tubs are a “no-no” for pregnant women or people with heart conditions.
If you need to use a lube, use a silicone lubricant. It won’t wash away like a water-based lubricant, although chances are you won’t need it.
If you’re a woman prone to yeast infections, chlorine can mess up your Ph balance. It might be a good idea to add some yogurt to your diet before and after hot tubbing.
If you rely on spermicide or condoms for birth control, have another plan and or be creative with your sex play. Both are less effective in water.
Whether or not you get your nookie on in a hot tub, make sure that it’s clean and properly maintained. Vaginal and other infections are so unsexy.

Previously published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/hot-hot-tub-sex/

Need A Libido Boost? These Women Over 40 Have Some Great Ideas

By

Carrie Borzillo

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November 9, 2020

*Photos by IconicPinups.com

You know that old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” Well, these eight women flash some serious side-eye to that sentiment by trying something new, past the age of 40, that transformed their sex lives forever. Here are their suggestions, so take notes!

Try Tantric Sex

Tantric Sex is not all about having sex for hours on end as rock star Sting once boasted. It actually includes realistic practices that can help sex last longer. “My boyfriend and I learned the tantric ‘Breath of Fire’ in which he breathes very fast through his nose to delay his climax. To feel more sensation during the Big O, we growled like tigers to tap into our primal nature. Sounds silly, but it totally worked!” explains Caroline, 51.

Take Sexy Selfies – For Yourself!

For Lisa, 46, taking sexy photos of (and for!) herself gave her a whole new sense of self… and sexiness! “I gained a lot of weight and my self-confidence was down. So I started taking photos of myself for fun. With my digital camera, I was able to control the angle, the lighting, and use a filter and I liked what I saw. I gave me my confidence back. I don’t apologize for my size anymore and I feel more confidence in life and the bedroom,” she says.

Embrace Your Inner Goddess With Buti Yoga

BUTI instructor Karen Resulto of One Down Dog (www.onedowndog.com) in L.A. in “Goddess” Pose. Photo by Rachel Madrigal

If you want to feel like a warrior princess, a goddess, and a sex kitten all in one hour, then try BUTI yoga. That’s how Carrie, 47, describes this unique yoga practice that combines shakti (the female principle of divine energy) awakening power yoga, primal movements, and tribal dance with a bit of twerking, belly dancing, and exotic dance moves. “When I get out of BUTI class, I want to have sex. I feel sexy, strong, powerful and very fired up. It awakens the goddess in me!” she says.

Take a Burlesque Class

Burlesque, a form of striptease that dates back to the 1800s, helps women learn how to tease and seduce in a classy way using vaudeville-style props and cheekiness. (Pun intended!) “My friend told me it was very empowering, so I gave it a shot. I would practice my routine for my boyfriend after class and we both loved it. I would never dance for a guy like that before, but this class was a real confidence-builder and it spiced up the relationship big time,” says Janie, 47.

Book A Boudoir Photo Shoot

Why should models have all the fun? Photo studios, like Iconic Pinups in L.A., offer Pinup Girl and Boudoir photo shoots to help women tap into their inner pinup model or vixen. ” It brought back the va-va-voom in me! I gave a book of my Iconic Pinup photos to my boyfriend as a gift and it reminded us of our desire for each other. I felt sexier and when you feel sexy, the sex is better!” says Shari, 54.

Sext Your Partner

A recent study reported that 80% of adults have sexted. Have you? Sending sexy photos and/or messages is a great way to add some spice into any relationship. Just ask Alexa, 47. “I’ll sext my boyfriend all day and by the time I get home, we’re just ready for each other. When you’re flirting all day, you feel hornier at night. It’s also a great way to ask for what you want sexually without having the awkward conversation in person,” she says.

Smoke Some Weed

Guess what? Cannabis is now an aphrodisiac. Many sativa strains are blended specifically to increase the libido. “I smoked for the first time in about 20 years and it opened doors for me sexually. I had an absolute sexual awakening with weed. It helped me let go of insecurities and made me feel freer. I walk around naked now… and I’m crazier in bed. And, that feeling has stayed with me even when I’m not smoking weed,” says Jennifer, 49.

Read Erotica

If reading is to the mind what exercise is the to the body, then reading erotica is to the female libido what Viagra is for men with erectile dysfunction! “I didn’t realize how not in touch with my sexuality I was until I started reading erotica late one night. It woke me up, and taught me a lot. I learned to use my voice in bed, which was a liberating lesson for me and made it hot for my lover,” says Kate, 49.

9 Reasons Why Abstinence Messages Fail

By

Dr. TaMara Griffin

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November 7, 2020

Over the past few decades, the federal government has sunk millions of taxpayer dollars into abstinence programs and interventions which have yet to be proven effective. Stopping teen pregnancy, the spread of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases among youth takes much more than a pledge, purity ring or a bogus abstinence message that only focuses on delaying sex until marriage.

Now don’t get me wrong, abstinence works well if you use it! But reality and statistics show that kids just don’t. It’s time to get real about abstinence messages and explore the reasons why they continue to fail our children.

Sex is Natural

Teenage hormones are real. When human beings discover the joy of sex and orgasm, it’s a impossible to stop that desire in its tracks and reverse the pursuit of pleasure. In fact, as young sexual beings, the pursuit of pleasure supersedes our rational mind, and the desire to orgasm clouds our common sense! We are sexual beings from the time we are born until we die. The desire to explore our sexuality is as natural as the desire to eat or sleep. These desires are embedded deep within our subconscious and begin much earlier in life than puberty. Curiosity surrounding sexuality is a natural part of development beginning with the exploration of the body. Teaching abstinence is like asking someone to stop eating or sleeping.

Peer Pressure is Real

Peer pressure is a hallmark of the adolescent experience. The desire to fit in during teen years can be overwhelming! No matter how influential you and other trusted adults are in children’s lives, their friends’ thoughts and opinions will weigh heavily on their decision making, including the decision to have sex. According to research conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, the majority of children in the U.S. ages 13-18 reported that they get a lot of their information about sexuality from their peers. The report also found that one of the biggest reasons that they engage in sexual activity is because they believe that their peers are also having sex. No amount of saying “just don’t” is going to convince them that shouldn’t keep up with their peers.

The Media Sells Sex

The media perpetuates specific social scripts and conceptual frameworks about sexuality. Television, magazines, movies, and music continue to shape thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about how men and women should behave sexually, promoting the “player” status for men, and “using what you’ve got to get what you want” for women. The Real Housewives, Love & Hip Hop, The Bachelorette – just to use a few examples – are all filled with the same old narrative featuring unhealthy relationships, lack of meaningful friendships, low self-esteem, and overt sexuality as a tool or a weapon. There are very few healthy sexual dynamics presented in the media for teens to look up to and admire, and shows aimed at kids are so chaste and abstinence-assuming, that issues surrounding sexual peer pressure are avoided like the plague.

Social Media Has Opened Pandora’s Box!

Children have a natural curiosity when it comes to sexuality. Google, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and all the other social media sites have increasingly become the primary source of sex education and information. Children are turning to the internet instead of parents or trusted adults, to answer their questions about sexuality. Unfortunately, the accuracy and reliability of the internet is, at best, questionable. Searching for sex education websites online can result in inaccurate information, and at worst, redirects to pornography which is massively inappropriate as a sex education tool, showing no emotional context or basis for intercourse.

The Church Sends Mixed Messages

Most churches preach one thing: refrain from sex until marriage. But churchgoers are human and you can bet that pretty much everyone in the congregation is engaging in some form of “sinful” sexual activity. There is also often a focus on female shame, where pregnant young women need to admit their her sins of fornication before the church, while the male partner does not, sending the message that only women bear the burden of sexual ‘sin’. It’s long established that religious guilt-tripping and sin shaming isn’t very helpful. It teaches children to lie, hide and be ashamed of their own sexuality, a silence that puts children at risk. When we silence them for speaking about sexuality beyond abstinence, we miss an opportunity to save their lives, or improve them.

Fear-Laden Messages Don’t Work!

Showing pictures of sexually transmitted infections or telling children that they’ll go blind if they have sex are fear-based tactics that have adverse effects. Categorizing sex as dirty and nasty, or something only bad people do, sends the message that embracing your sexuality is wrong. Not only that, it teaches intolerance for sexual diversity among the beautiful spectrum of sexuality. As a result, kids carry these unhealthy messages into adulthood and they play out in the form of unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, depression, domestic violence, substance abuse and so much more! In addition, because the teen brain is less developed than an adult’s, they lack the biological mechanism to properly determine the possible negative outcomes of a certain action. So often times they live with a false sense of security and take risks because “it’s not going to happen to me,” or “I’m invincible.”

Do as I say and not as I do

The unspoken messages from adults regarding sexuality are oftentimes more powerful than their spoken messages in shaping children’s perception of sexuality. The behaviors adults model to children can have a significant impact on the choices they make, how they view things and even how they behave or not behave. Parents, it’s time to lead by example! If you want to send the message of abstinence, then perhaps you need to do the same? Or if you want to send a message of healthy safer sex with emotional attachment, practice that! Or if you want to sleep around, but don’t want that for your teenage daughter, you need to have that discussion too.

Penis Play Equals Notches!

Boys are socialized from a very early age to embrace their penis. They are encouraged to sow their oats and have as much sex as one man can have. This message has been passed down as if it’s a rite of passage. Society supports a very unhealthy and sometimes misogynistic view of women, relationships and sexuality, as the recent ‘locker room banter’ political discussion has proven. All these things combined create an unhealthy framework of male sexuality that promotes promiscuity, shuns abstinence, and misses out on important discussions about relationship building and intimacy.

Keep Your Panties up!

This antiquated adage gets an epic fail. How can boys be promiscuous while girls are abstinent? It doesn’t make sense, and it contributes to shame and dangerous secrecy. Back in the day, it created confusion and resentment from kids who grew up to find that their “big sister” was really their mother and other complicated scenarios arising from lies, and currently it’s wreaking havoc on young women all over the country, resulting in damaged wombs or infections from back alley abortions, and of course deep emotional scarring.

So, You Want an Abstinence Message That Works?

We need to rethink, reframe and replace the current abstinence message with one that offers an integrated approach. It must be developmentally appropriate, medically accurate, gender considerate, culturally competent. The message must be clear, concise and consistent and teach knowledge, tools and skills. In addition, effective abstinence programs must including the following:

Teaching what it truly means to abstain, including abstain from substances
Teaching how to choose abstinence – even after being sexual
Teaching that the body is a temple that needs to be protected
Identifying sexual triggers
Understanding peer pressure and establishing healthy friendship
Setting personal boundaries
Defining the characteristics of a healthy relationship
Teaching about informed consent
Teaching communication skills
Teaching critical thinking skills
Teaching decision making skills
Teaching negotiation and conflict resolution skills
Identifying how morals, values and beliefs influence sexuality

Discussing the mental, emotional, social, spiritual, physical, biochemical, energetical, political, institutional, legal, systemic and financial consequences of sexuality

Finally, parents and other trusted adults who have chosen the abstinence talk must continue the abstinence talk. It is not a one-time discussion. The abstinence talk is an ongoing evolving discussion that changes with the needs of the child.

It can be scary to talk to your teen about sex. However, we live in a world where not teaching your child about sexuality can be even more frightening! We must acknowledge that an abstinence-only message is not working. We have to create a message that prepares them for life by acknowledging the truth that children are indeed having sex!

Digital Indiscretions – Part Three: Obsessions

By

Dr. Ebony Utley

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September 1, 2020

Digital Indiscretions is a three part series on infidelity in the age of technology. The series is based on Dr. Ebony Utley’s interviews with U.S. women about their experiences with infidelity. Interviewees chose their own pseudonyms to protect their privacy.

The use of technology is not only about whether one can or will be unfaithful. Technology also plays a prominent role in how much a betrayed person wants to know. Some women do not want to know any details about their partner’s infidelity. Some women want to know everything. The discovery options aided by technology are vast—cell phones, caller ID, voicemail, email, texts, instant messages, PayPal, bank records, social media profiles, digital recordings, and even online maps.

Some discoveries among the women I interviewed were accidental, but most were the result of a focused and intentional obsession with discovering information about a partner’s affair.

Irene acknowledged, “For a number of years I lost my mind and started going through every email, every file, every underneath.” Pauline noticed that her boyfriend of two years was leaving his phone face down and liking smiley faces that women posted on his Facebook pictures. One night while he was sleeping she went through his phone because as she said, “I turn into an FBI agent when all this stuff happens.”

Several women admitted that were not proud of their actions. Janet confessed to stalking her boyfriend’s other girlfriend on social media—mostly Instagram. “I was literally stalking. I’m not even going to lie. I’m checking and I was like, ‘What are you doing?’ It’s consuming some hours of my day because every hour I’m checking. Is she saying something? Are they together? Are they around each other? I have to stop.” Ironically, Janet did not have a Twitter or an Instagram account; she would log onto friends’ accounts to gather information.

Alesia conceded to going too far while confirming her boyfriend’s infidelity when she said, “And then another time, there was this girl who left a message on his cell phone. I called that girl, which is so out of character for me. I hated that! I’m calling these girls asking what the dude is doing and stuff like that. I hated that. Because that’s the girl I always tried to avoid being. Looking through cell phone bills and bank accounts; he took me out of my element and I didn’t like that.”

Linda’s husband was a serial cheater. She perused cell phone records and financial statements, called hotels, searched his computer and iPad, and read messages. She even emailed one of his mistresses.

“So I did something that’s not very nice. I created a fake Gmail account that sounded just like it would be his Gmail account and I emailed her and I said, ‘Hey, what’s going on? This is the best way to contact me right now. How’re you doing?’ She writes back, “Oh I feel like somebody that’s lost her best friend. I’ve missed you so much and not being able to talk to you is just awful. You can’t live like this. Your wife is crazy. Just go get a disposable cell phone. Go to the pay phone if they still have them. Do anything. I have to talk to you.” And so then I started asking questions. I made up questions that I supposed he would ask, like “What do you want from us?” And she said, “I want to be walking down the beach hand in hand, growing old together but I know that’s not what you’re telling me is going to happen.” That made me feel sad. I probably hurt her.

Linda admitted, “I have a PhD in each of his affairs.” Later in the interview she mused, “I think I got addicted to the hunt, the hunt for information.” A hunt that was made possible by the same technology her husband used to be unfaithful.

How obsessive would you become about a hunt? In “The Entire History of You” episode of an excellent series (I am very biased) titled Black Mirror, the characters each have a device called a grain that allows them to replay their past memories. Here’s a huge SPOILER ALERT: the main character becomes obsessive about his wife’s relationship with a “friend” and uses their grains to eventually confirm his wife’s infidelity. Watch the video:

The episode is incredibly entertaining and admittedly it seemed far-fetched until July 22, 2015, when Google received a patent for a searchable video archive of anyone wearing a device similar to Google Glass. A device and storage system like this could make recalling our sexual greatest hits easier than ever, but it would also make it easier for partners and others to hack them as well. How would you feel about living in a world where every aspect of one’s digital indiscretions were archived and accessible online? How obsessed would you become?

Rough Sex for the Nice Guy with Reid Mihalko

By

Miyoko

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August 7, 2020

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Reid Mihalko, The Sex Geek for my show on Rough Sex! While almost every woman who replied to my query about whether or not they liked rough sex replied with an emphatic “YES!!!” there seemed to be just as many men who don’t know how to pull it off.

Thankfully, The Sex Geek was on hand and ready to save the day! With practical advice and words of encouragement and enlightenment, everyone will gain the confidence to give it a whirl…. or a smack, pull, or choke. *wink, wink*

Here’s a sample of our discussion, but if you want the full interview and Reid’s tips on how to spank, pull hair, and choke your lover the right way, check out the free information on his website, or listen to the entire episode on Playboy Radio, Ep #39.

8 Myths About Sex & Aging Baby Boomers Should Know

By

Amie Harwick

-

June 15, 2020

With the baby boomer generation reaching retirement, the United States is seeing more active adults than ever, so understanding how aging impacts sexually and intimacy is crucial – and it’s not all negative! There are benefits and positive aspects of being sexually active while getting older too. Here are eight common myths about sexuality and aging, and the facts that prove them wrong.

Myth #1: Older people do not have sex

In an article by Loren Stein, M.A. called “Sex and Seniors” in 2015 it was stated that “among 45- to 59-year-olds with sexual partners, some 56 percent said they had sexual intercourse once a week or more. Among 60- to 70-year-olds with partners, 46 percent of men and 38 percent of women have sex at least once a week, as did 34 percent of those 70 or older. “ Therefore, the sexual drive doesn’t shut off, it just slows down a little with age. The idea that adults reach a certain age and just shut down sexually is completely false. Older age does lead to a reduced frequency of sexual behaviors but does not mean that there is a cessation of sexuality or sensual desire.

According to the research published by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in 2010, about half of adults ages 50-80 have engaged in sexual intercourse within the year that they were surveyed. Women over 50 years old engage in 5% less intercourse per year as they age and 7% less giving or receiving oral sex per year. Men over 50 years old have a yearly decrease in both intercourse and oral sex by 8%. In a study done by Karraker, A., DeLamater, J., & Schwartz, C. R. (2011), they found that the reason for the decline in sexual behavior was not aging, but other life factors that happened with getting older. Women showed a decreased frequency of sexual behavior when widowed, for example, and men showed a decrease of sexual behavior with the increase of health issues.

Myth #2: Aging adults cannot get pregnant

The general opinion from the medical community is that once a woman is post menopausal, she is unable to get pregnant, but the times and duration of menopause vary for many women, causing the post menopausal age to range. Due to advancements in fertility treatments, women can take medications that allow pregnancy to occur much later in life. The oldest women to give birth was 70 year old named Rajo Devi Lohan in India. Several women in their 60’s have given birth in the early 2000’s with the help of In Vitro Fertilization. While pregnancy is more difficult for an older women, it is not impossible. Women have lost about 90% of their eggs by the age of 40, leaving a very slim possibility for pregnancy, but while the eggs have an expiration date, the uterus does not. According to an interview with Dr. David Adamson with Medical Daily, “The bottom line is that the uterus can function just about until the death of the woman”. While the oldest mother to conceive naturally was 59, INF, or In Vitro Fertilization, is an option at all times. There are ethical concerns about becoming a mother at an older age such as maternal mortality rate, illness during aging, and overall ability to care for a child. The United States will not allow a child to be adopted to a women over 50 for those ethical reasons.

Myth #3: STI rates must be low in older adults

According to the Benjamin Rose Institute on Aging, the rate of Sexually Transmitted Infections in the over 50 population in the United States is growing at a faster pace then the population of people under 40. There are many reasons for this rise in contracting STIs among this generation. First, the baby boomer generation is aging, creating a large population of people over 60. Second, new trends in medical advancements with performance enhancing drugs are causing an even higher rate of sexual intercourse with people as they age. Third, there is rising number of mid-life divorces. These newly single middle aged and older adults are now looking for dates online through websites, and even mobile apps. This quick method of connecting has caused more availability to date, more access to partners, and ultimately more sexual behavior. Lastly, these individuals may have less sex education than younger adults. If they were in a marriage for the first part of their lives, they did not have partners other than their spouse at the start of the HIV/AIDS crisis. The use of barrier protection and other methods of contraception were far less widely used years ago. Therefore, if these newly divorced individuals are behaving in the same sexual way that they did when they were younger, they will be at a higher risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. Because older women have less concern about getting pregnant, they may not prioritize barrier methods to protect against infections.

Myth #4: Older women do not desire sex

Many people feel that as women age, specifically in a marriage, that they lose all sexual desire. This is not the case. As mentioned, women, as well as men, have a slight decrease in the amount of sexual behavior as they age yearly after 50. Women still have the ability to feel sexual and intimate desire throughout their entire life. As women reach menopause, their naturally produced estrogen decreases, causing less natural lubrication during intercourse. This is a common issue and many physicians prescribe estrogen creams to insert vaginally, or simply recommend an over the counter personal lubricant. While desire may decrease, desire also ebbs and flows. Many reasons that women report feeling less sexual with age has to do with cultural pressures, emotional issues within a relationship, self esteem, and medical problems. The North American Menopausal Society states that desire is a combination of drive, beliefs, and motivation. While drive is biological and may be impacted by hormone change over time, beliefs and motivation are psychological and able to change based on perception. Women have a lot more control over their sexual desire while aging then previously though.

Myth #5: Older men have constant Erectile Dysfunction

Just as it may be a common assumption that women lose all sexual desire as they age, many believe that it is a natural occurrence for men to have erectile dysfunction as they age. While more men experience erectile dysfunction at older ages as opposed to younger ages, it is not a natural part of aging. Only 5% of men under 40 experience erectile dysfunction, but 44% of men in their 60’s have experienced it. According to research done at Harvard Medical School, the reason for this is that erectile dysfunction reflects the impact of the chronic diseases that are common with age. The most important are atherosclerosis and hypertension, which affect blood vessels, and diabetes, which strikes both blood vessels and nerves. Medications that older men take can interfere with sexual function, including some that treat high blood pressure, heart disease, anxiety and depression. In addition to medical causes, about 30% of erectile dysfunction stems from a psychological cause. Aside from ED, there are other changes that do naturally occur with men’s erections as they age. Their erections may not be as firm, and foreplay may need to be extended to allow longer time for a satisfying erection.

Myth #6: People over 50 don’t have casual sex

The divorce rate for people in the middle and later stages of their lives has increased with the aging of the baby boomer generation. This new population of single adults in their 50’s through their 70’s has created a more sexual group of aging adults. 23% of men over fifty that are having sex report that their most recent sex partner was with a “friend or acquaintance”. Women over 50 report casual sex about 13% of the time. There is also a growing number of adults over 50 that enjoy a relationship with a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Especially for much older adults, getting married, or remarried, may not be the goal. They report wanting to enjoy the intimacy and companionship, but without the need to create a family or other aspects that are typically the goals of younger adults. One reason why many people think that older adults do not age engage in casual sex is that it is a topic that people do not talk about. Terms such as “dirty old man” and “cougar” stigmatize and degrade the sexuality of sexual older adults. Increased cultural dialogue about aging and sexuality will increase awareness and reduce stigma.

Myth #7: Urinary Incontinence causes older adults to have accidents during sex

Some older adults experience urinary incontinence which impacts sexuality. This can cause feelings of shame or discomfort and get in the way of the possibilities of great sexual experiences. Women that struggle with incontinence experience coital incontinence 10% to 27% of the time. There are several reasons why urine may leak during a sexual encounter. Pressure on the abdomen can cause leakage of urine during sex. Other reasons include overactive bladder, weakened pelvic floor muscles, and complications of prostate issues, including prostate cancer. While women have reported loss of urine throughout the duration of the sexual encounter, older men have reported loss of urine during foreplay. A study by Guay, A., and Seftel, A. (2008) showed that 38% percent of older men that had no daytime incontinence had experienced a loss of urine during foreplay. While this is an issue that can have an effect on aging adults, there are solutions to not let it hinder enjoyable sex. One can prepare for sex by avoiding large amounts of fluids before being sexual and putting down a towel for a precaution. Talking about it reduces feelings of shame and secrecy. An older couple can experiment with different positions that are less likely to put pressure on the bladder, such as rear entry and side by side positions. Women and men can be proactive about their pelvic floor muscles by practicing kegel exercises. If a man or a women uses catheters for incontinence, there are several options available to incorporate this during sex. A catheter can be bent and taped to create room for intercourse. Some couples find that eroticising the catheter use reduces shame and increases pleasure.

Myth #8: Sex is dangerous for older adults

Aging by itself does not cause a danger. The potential risks for older adults are when they have fallen out of shape or have developed a medical condition or disability, but this also does not make sex dangerous or impossible. Older adults that struggle with high-risk conditions should exercise precaution, just as they would with any other physical activity that they want to engage in. Because older women tend to suffer with lower bone density post menopause, it may not be advisable to engage in acrobatic sex. Men with high blood pressure or heart conditions should exercise caution when having long duration or highly aerobic sex. Older adults who have a disability can modify their practices and setting to support a healthy sex life such as having bed modifications or using sex aides and toys. But the bottom line is that sex for older adults can be enjoyable and satisfying.

Manly Toys For May Masturbation Month

By

Carrie Borzillo

-

May 16, 2020

For most guys, their hand, some lotion, and a little privacy is all they need for a successful masturbation session. Hell, sometimes the lotion isn’t even needed… or the privacy for that matter. The point being – men are simpler than women when it comes to getting off.

But the problem is, in their simplicity, they often miss out on some great masturbation toys because they think they don’t need it, which is why we’re dedicating this article for May’s Masturbation Month to male masturbation devices.

You see, in my not-so-humble experience, most men don’t realize how amazing masturbation – either solo or mutual masturbation sessions with a partner – can be with the aid some of the fancy toys out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 men I’ve been with have never used a stroker, a fake pussy, or any other masturbation device on the market. They think it’s “weird” or “unnecessary.” But, when I spring one on them, let’s just say: Masturbation. Game. Changer!

Guys, if you’re still shaking your head “no,” just read with an open mind. Ladies, these items make for great gift ideas for your man.

Guybrator – Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo

You might have heard about this on Saturday Night Live, but Hot Octopuss’ PULSE, the world’s first Guybrator, is no joke. The male masturbator was featured on SNL when the savvy London-based sex toy company erected a “GuyFi” booth in NYC for men to “self-soothe” as a marketing stunt in January 2016. The stunt created insane brand awareness for the award-winning product and increased visitors to their website from 1,000 to 20,000 in just three hours following the event.

What’s unique about the PULSE II Solo (their male-only toy for $99) is that is uses oscillation technology instead of vibration. “We’ve created a high amplitude, deep basey vibration, which is better for stimulating men. The regular vibration used in female toys works great for women, but not for men,” says co-founder/inventor Adam Lewis.

PULSE can be used in two ways: With lubricant and without. With lubricant, the man lubricates his penis, inserts it into the unit, and masturbates with the device. Or, he can insert his penis into the toy without lubricant, turn the toy on, and, as Lewis puts it “it finishes him off without having to do anything whatsoever. So it’s the lazy toy in that respect.”

It’s also great for men with erectile dysfunction issue. “We discovered that men can actually orgasm completely flaccid. For example, if a man suffers from prostate cancer and he no longer can get an erection, he would’ve probably given up masturbating because it’s like pulling on a rubber string. However, he can use PULSE completely flaccid and still achieve an orgasm. Or it’s good for a man suffering from erectile dysfunction who just has a hard time getting an erection, this can help him get one,” adds Lewis.

Also, be sure to check out their couples’ toy as well – the PULSE II Duo ($139). The toy is worn by him, but provides vibrations on both sides to pleasure both partners.

Blowjob Robot

There was clearly a demand for robot that can blow you because when founder/creator Brian Sloan set a goal of $275,000 for his Autoblow 2, they ended up raising $318,000 instead. More than 100,000 units at about $159.95 a pop of this robotic oral sex simulator for men have been sold since it debuted in 2014, and the demand is so high that they even released an Autoblow 2.

What’s the fuss? It’s hands’ free, has several speeds, and can go up until 1,000 hours or until “your dick falls off,” as Sloan says in their hilarious how-to video. “The Autoblow 2+ is more powerful and we added an extra row of beads plus covered the springs which used to wear away at the sleeves. We made a new sleeve with Real Doll to give guys something nicer to look at than the relatively strange looking mouth we created,” says Sloan.

Prostate Massagers

Male Masturbation Hugo Black — LELO Hugo in black

We’ve covered oral and hands, now let’s talk anal. LELO reports that with prostate stimulation, the size of the male orgasm can increase by 33% and prolonged use of prostate massage can help alleviate symptoms of erectile dysfunction.

The company offers three vibrating prostate massagers: Hugo ($219), Bruno ($169), and Loki ($169). They’re like the three little bears of prostate massagers – Hugo’s the most powerful with its hands-free feature and 8 settings for the more experienced man, Bruno’s somewhere in the middle, and Loki, which is hand-held for manual stimulation, is better suited for the beginner.

Male Masturbation Bruno Purple — LELO Bruno in purple

Male Masturbation Loki Federal Blue — LELO Loki in blue

“Although the prostate can be reached with fingers it’s near impossible to do solo without the aid of a tool,” says Sunny Megatron, sex educator and host of “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” “If you have a partner to help with the massage it can be very stressful on their fingers, hands, and wrists making it difficult to maintain for long periods. Massagers not only make things easier in that regard, the vibration also gives more pleasure options than a stationary object.”

Travel Toys

If your boyfriend or husband travels a lot and has a wondering eye, this is the perfect gift for him. Why have him be tempted by the prostitute in the hotel lobby bar on that business trip when you can send him off with Nasstoy’s Travel Pump? It’s a compact travel kit ($50) with two interchangeable bases (one for suction like a BJ and one with a vagina base for sex simulation) in three powerful suction settings, as well as 4 cock rings and a discrete zippered shaving kit-style carrying bag. Remember, for better suction results, shave your pubic hair!

Simple Strokers

If you don’t want to spend a lot of money or dive into the more complex items, there’s a bevy of simple strokers available for $10-$20. Doc Johnson’s Mood Pleaser masturbators, for instance, comes in a very artsy shape with four distinct internal textures (massage beads, thin ribbed, zigzag, and thick ribbed) and four stylish colors (frost, purple, blue, and orange).

My favorite stroker to enhance my BJ game is Doc Johnson’s GoodHead Helping Head ($12). It’s a 2-inch mini-stroker that I use to stroke my partner’s penis as I’m giving him head. It makes my “job” a lot easier. You can use these with lube or without, but it’s better with! This is a great intro toy to the guy who is sex-toy-shy.