The Art of Pup Play: A Glimpse into the Growing Kink in LGBTQ+ Communities

By

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January 20, 2024

In the vast landscape of evolving kinks, one gaining traction is pup play—a unique form of role play predominantly within LGBTQ+ communities. Similar to the friendly world of furries, where individuals wear furry animal costumes, pup play enthusiasts immerse themselves in a playful mindset inspired by puppy behavior.

Exploring Pup Play: Beyond Fursuits and Fantasy

Pup play is a form of role play that goes beyond the conventions of the BDSM community. Participants, known as “pups” or “handlers,” mentally, physically, and emotionally take on roles resembling playful puppies or responsible guides called “handlers.” Contrary to common misconceptions, pup play isn’t solely focused on sexual pleasure; it’s about embracing a different facet of one’s identity.

Pups and handlers wear distinctive pup play gear, featuring essential items like a pup mask, a collar, knee pads, and a leash. Handlers engage with their pups through playful interactions, involving pup toys, belly rubs, commands, and attention. In return, the pups express their enthusiasm by barking, playfully crawling on their knees and hands, and welcoming further affection from the handlers.

While pup play has been around for a while, it’s still gaining popularity, and those who immerse themselves in it create their unique “pup persona.” This creative exploration allows individuals to step out of their daily routines and embrace a more playful side.

Community and Connection

The pup play community is characterized by openness and friendliness. Individuals connect through community apps, Facebook, and regular events called “moshes,” often held in LGBTQ+ venues. The overarching theme among roleplaying kinks is the desire to escape the monotony of daily life, rekindling the playful spirit many experienced in childhood.

One of Ryan’s pups told us: “I was a very playful and positive kid, but as I grew older, adulthood brought responsibilities like paying bills, pretending to laugh at my bosses’ jokes, and being exposed to sad and depressing news from around the world. However, when I put on my pup gear, I can forget all that for a moment.”

A survey highlighted that pup play is predominantly popular among queer men. This could be attributed to societal expectations that cast men as more dominant figures, perpetuating the pressure to conform to notions of professionalism and maturity. These expectations might prompt individuals to seek relaxation and take a break, and engaging in role-playing can fulfill that need.

So, why is it so popular amongst LGBTQ+ communities, you might ask? Ryan told us that the reason could be that the LGBTQ+ community is known for giving its members the space and freedom and being open-minded. “With so many different kink groups in our community, we seem to be less judgy about how people behave or dress.”

The LGBTQ+ community, known for its inclusive and open-minded nature, provides a welcoming space for those seeking unconventional forms of expression. However, the appeal of pup play isn’t confined to any particular group. Ryan, the owner of PuppyPlayExpert.com, notes a rising interest from women and straight couples, including CEOs, lawyers, and doctors. For them, the puppy play mask becomes a transformative tool, allowing them to shed the stresses of their professional lives and embrace a carefree, playful existence, even if it’s only for a moment.

Pup Play: More Than a Kink, a Community

Although a significant portion of the community views their roleplaying as having a sexual aspect, Ryan underscores that it goes beyond “only” sexual activities. He emphasizes the significance of community and the pure enjoyment of having fun. Whether stepping into the “pup headspace” or releasing real-life worries, the essence of pup play is found in the shared experience. It serves as a testament to the diverse and accepting nature of LGBTQ+ communities, offering individuals a space to explore, connect, and discover freedom in the art of pup play.

If you’re intrigued by pup play, Ryan emphasizes that the community is exceptionally welcoming to beginners. On his website, he provides a guide on how to ease into the world of pup play. Yet, it’s understandable that some may cast curious or perplexed glances when encountering those engaged in pup play activities. Despite potential judgment, a valuable lesson from the pup play community extends beyond personal participation. Even if pup play isn’t your cup of tea, the community teaches us the importance of occasionally stepping back, reconnecting with the simple joy of “enjoying and having fun.” In the midst of our often stressful daily lives, it’s crucial to refocus on ourselves and our natural desire to let loose and enjoy life.

7 Underwater Sex Questions Answered

By

Megan Harrison

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August 9, 2021

pexels-anastasiya-vragova-6770410 — Photo by Anastasiya Vragova from Pexels

Many people find the concept of underwater sex to be exciting and it can certainly be a great way to show off your more adventurous side.

However, regardless of whether you are thinking about sex in the shower or hot tub, or sex in a lake, or a swimming pool, there are things you need to consider and risks you need to be aware of!

In this Q&A piece, I’ll answer some of the most frequent questions people have asked regarding having sex in water. Let’s get right into the questions!

One of the single biggest misconceptions about underwater sex is the idea that because everyone involved is soaking wet, there is no need for lubrication. In actual fact, the water can wash away natural vaginal lubricant, resulting in dryness that can make sex difficult and painful. For this reason, it is important to buy artificial lubrication.

In general, lubricants and gels can be separated into two main types: water-based and silicone-based. Although water-based options are popular because they tend to be easier to clean up and less sticky, they are not ideal for underwater sex. Silicone-based lubricants, on the other hand, offer water-resistant qualities, making them a better choice.

2) What about in the shower – would penetration be easier to maneuver in terms of lubrication?

Shower sex can be significantly easier to navigate in terms of lubrication, because the body is not fully submerged in water. This can make penetrative sex easier and less painful without the use of artificial lubricants.

With that being said, the problem with the water from the shower potentially washing away the body’s natural vaginal lubrication may still persist. Therefore, even in the shower, it may still be necessary to purchase a silicone-based lubricant with water-resistant qualities and use this liberally to make penetration easier.

3) What sex acts CAN work in water?

If you are in the shower, you have a wide range of options available, from penetrative sex, to oral sex, and virtually anything else that can be performed standing up, or kneeling down. You will need to be careful in certain positions, as the water does increase the chances of slipping over, but your choices are fairly unrestricted!

For baths, hot tubs and pools, again, penetrative sex is relatively easy to perform, while the use of hands for non-penetrative stimulation is also simple enough. However, oral sex can be more difficult, as unlike in a shower, the water is not constantly draining. Therefore, you will need to think carefully about positioning.

In outdoor environments, such as oceans, lakes and similar bodies of water, options can be more restricted. Try to find a location where you are able to maintain sure footing. Avoid positions where one or both people need to have their head underwater for any length of time, as this introduces an unnecessary level of risk. Penetrative sex and the use of hands for stimulation and foreplay should both be possible. Oral sex may be more tricky in these environments.

You should also know that the use of sex toys is perfectly possible when having underwater sex. However, you need to be sensible about this. It’s crucial to invest in waterproof sex toys that are marketed for their ability to be used in baths, showers, pools, hot tubs, etc. Fortunately, most modern vibrating dildos and other toys are safe and functional for this type of use.

4) Do condoms still work underwater?

Research on condom effectiveness underwater is still surprisingly limited. Nevertheless, there is no reliable evidence to suggest the effectiveness of latex-based condoms will be adversely affected by the presence of water alone. In general, if you are engaged in underwater sex, use of a latex-based condom is recommended.

With that being said, Durex suggests that there could be an increased risk of condom slippage. The company also speculated that although salt present in sea water should not impact upon the effectiveness of its condoms, it is possible that chemicals in swimming pools could, theoretically, reduce their overall effectiveness.

5) Does the chances of condoms tearing increase if you’re underwater?

There is no evidence that the presence of water alone increases the risk of a condom tearing, at least with conventional latex condoms. However, if you are having sex in a swimming pool, or in a hot tub with chlorine in the system, there is the potential that the durability of the condom could be compromised slightly.

It is important to stress that evidence of this effect is limited. Condom manufacturers are not required to test their products in underwater conditions with chlorine and other chemicals present and studies are few and far between. However, Durex and other brands have anecdotally implied that the risk of tearing could increase in these conditions.

6) Could chlorine and/or ocean or lake water potentially irritate the genitals or cause any sort of medical issue?

Unfortunately, the simple answer to this question is ‘yes’, especially for women. Chlorine can affect the pH balance of the vagina, making yeast infections more likely, while irritation, itching and vulvitis also become more likely. In pools, oceans and lakes, there is also the possibility of bacteria in the water causing issues. This may lead to urinary tract infections, or other less common infections, so you do need to be aware of this heightened risk.

For men, the chances of encountering issues are significantly lower, but the presence of bacteria in ocean or lake water can still lead to problems. Penile irritation is also possible in pools and hot tubs that contain chlorine. If you or your partner do experience irritation, it is best to stop immediately and reconsider your approach.

7) Are there any other considerations someone should have regarding sex in water?

It is important to remember that water-based sex of any kind will introduce some safety hazards, so you and your partner do need to take care. If you are having sex in the bath or shower, be aware of the potential for slipping and falling.

Handrails can be one way to reduce the dangers in this particular area. If you are in a pool, lake or the sea, have respect for the water and remember that there is a drowning hazard that needs to be taken seriously.

The main other thing to be aware of is the law. While sex in a public place can be a turn-on, and while introducing water adds a whole extra element of fun, be mindful of legal issues that could arise if you are caught in the act. For similar reasons, you should also avoid having sex in someone else’s private swimming pool without permission.

The Feminist Sexpert Interviews The Stud Boss: Elaina St. James Gets Her Man In Her First Boy/Girl Scene

By

Megan Hussey

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April 11, 2023

Gather around now, Ladies! The Feminist Sexpert would like to tell you an adult Cinderella story–with a twist. In this, ultra cool version of the classic fairy tale, Cinderella chooses The Prince. And she ain’t just a princess. She’s a queen.

Meet my sister-friend Elaina St. James, OnlyFans’ most-wanted 50+ model on the platform. Aside from absolutely slaying as a solo performer, “THAT OnlyFans Mom”, a Social Media Influencer, proud Feminist, and The Author of “How To Date Hot Older Women,” this beautiful, talented lady recently decided to film her first B/G scene; actually conducting a Bachelorette style talent search to find just the right co-star.

“I want women to know what an empowering process this was for me,” she said. “Like everything I’ve done in this industry, I did this my way. It was all my choice.”

Once Elaina put out the call for her Prince of Porn, she was inundated with submissions.

“I got tapes from professionals and amateurs,” she said. “Ultimately, I decided to go with a porn guy.”

Ah, but it couldn’t be just any porn guy.

“I wasn’t just looking for a (well-endowed) guy,” she said. “The face and body were just as important. His energy and body language. Most important of all was a good attitude and personality.”

“I looked at it from a business lens first and foremost; my fans love the dynamic of younger men and older women, so that was a major factor in my decision-making,” she continued. “Personally, I was only comfortable with a certain age gap, but the most important part was the professionalism and integrity of the man.”

Elaina found her perfect Porn Prince (say that three times fast, Ladies) in noted industry hunk Lucas Frost, a gorgeous, popular performer whose past titles include Sensual Seductions from Erotica X, and whose previous roles include The Other Man in feminist porn director Jacky St. James’ feature Exposed. He was all her man in Elaina’s scene, working with her to create a romantic, sensual work of erotica sure to please fans of both.

“When I saw Lucas being interviewed on Holly Randall’s show, I was impressed by his great attitude, and especially his statement that he found something to like about every scene partner, regardless of the way she looked. He’s a gentleman,” explained Elaina. “He’s also gorgeous, professional, and experienced….As an older woman, I pick up on energy and body language of both performers in a scene, and it was clear to me that Lucas showed respect and care for the female talent he works with. Safety is paramount, and from Lucas’ interview, it was clear that it was his priority as well.”

As particular and exacting as Elaina was in her selection of co-star, she took equal care in custom designing a classy, romantic scene.

“I didn’t want to include any corny porn dialogue or plot lines. The story was about my first boy/girl scene,” she said. “I wanted no rough stuff in the scene. I don’t like rough sex, and I really don’t think that most women do. What I did want was a lot of kissing and passion.”

The first resulting scene is available now exclusively on St. James’ (elaina_stjames) OnlyFans page, with a second POV title set for release in the coming weeks.

From the first time she picked up a Playgirl magazine in college to the cultivation of her current reputation as the Stud Boss, Elaina St. James is a porn star for the new age. The Feminist Sexpert is glad she knows her–I encourage all of you ladies to get to know her too!

To learn more about Elaina St. James, visit:
ElainaStJames.comTwitter.com/ElainaStJamesTikTok.com/@elaina_stjames
Instagram.com/ElainaStJames

Games You Shouldn’t Play

By

Debra Shade

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November 17, 2021

pexels-jonathan-borba-5353559 — Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels

You’ve beat the odds and have landed a relationship. Chemistry is there, you’re having long conversations and occasionally when you accidentally touch, sparks fly between you. This is the honeymoon phase of a blossoming relationship. It takes work to build a healthy relationship. A lot of times, we put in the wrong work and wreck our relationships before they even have a chance. Some of us may be afraid when the relationship starts to get too serious. Some of us may even self-sabotage the relationship so that they are “shielding” themselves from hurt.

This is a behavior pattern that you can break. You can stop working harder by playing games that cause issues in the relationship. Games lead to wedges that block growth in a relationship. Folks have literally walked away from each other because of their interpretations of the meaning of the games people play. Instead, take deep breaths and practice a form of communication that makes a person feel powerful; physically, and emotionally. Such power drives the attraction that is between you.

If a person is attracted to you physically and emotionally, there is no need to play games, or this could be your last first kiss. Imagine allowing yourself to be happily involved with this individual as time goes on. You must find a way to keep them interested far, far into the future. Don’t be afraid of this… don’t ruin it with games. They should be doing the same thing. Thus, fulfilling your needs.

For example, be strong and tease them, challenge them and be adventurous about what you do together. If they are smart, argue with them a little but not constantly. Banter can be fun and informative. There is a difference between confrontation/disagreement and jest. Instead of coming of as argumentative, you will appear strong and engaging. In the same vein, you must find that perfect balance with tension in the relationship.

Every relationship has some level of tension. The line between healthy tension and relationship strangulation is the feeling you have in your gut when you interact with the person. Never go slack, keep up banter that solicits positive responses. Don’t do things that are slightly annoying just to get a response. You need to balance tension by drawing out a response you want by doing things that indirectly trigger it. Sexual tension requires a balance as well. Sexually you can go in for a kiss, hover over their lips and then stop, smile and pull away. The unfulfilled connection will raise a person’s arousal levels. Keep them sexually interested in you.

Don’t play bored if you’re not. This is not attractive, and the goal is to build up attraction to create a long-lasting relationship. If you are predictable, you will be perceived as boring and quick. Don’t play games about being engaged or active in the relationship. If you want them to think your boring, for whatever reason, don’t be upset to see the relationship end.

This is the same as control.

Being over controlling is never fun. No one wants to be controlled and if you play games at “dominating” or “controlling” them, you may find yourself alone again. Same as agreeing with everything they say. “What ever you want to do baby.” This gets old quick. Individuals enjoy dating people who have opinions, likes and dislikes and they enjoy learning about you. If you’re trying to keep building attraction, you need to speak up and have your own thoughts and dislikes.

Qualities that make you date worthy are confidence, strength, personality traits, and what kind of relationship you are looking for. By playing games you come off completely the opposite and your mate will most likely lose interest. This includes your ability to maintain basic physical fitness and proper grooming. These things add to your physical attractiveness and what you bring to the table.

To create a connection, you also must consider the psychological attractiveness. If you play mind games, you are breaking a connection before it has a chance to grow into something special. For long-term and emotionally intimacy, your focus should not be on trying to get the person to behave how you want them to, you must be open to allowing them to be themselves and bring their true selves to the relationship. Developing psychological attractiveness involves learning the skills to develop rapport through conversations. Conversations that are forward moving and not stagnant because of things that you are doing to throw a monkey wrench into the mix.

How To Provide Sex Edutainment During Your Pleasure Party Presentations

By

Tamara Bell

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March 25, 2023

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

You’re in the middle of your pleasure party presentation, showing and describing products and playing games when all of a sudden…you get the inevitable question from a guest: a sex education question. Do you attempt to answer the question? If so, how deep do you go in your answer? Are you prepared with information to accurately answer the question?

As pleasure party plan owners, one thing that occurs during our parties is the sharing of sexual information. It occurs naturally in the course of describing and explaining the products we sell. How we decide to present the information can determine how successfully the information is accepted by the audience. Edutainment, a term coined that is part education and part entertainment, is the act of combining and disseminating accurate information (education) in an entertaining and interesting manner that will educate and entertain your guests. Edutainment is the most effective way of providing sex ed during a pleasure party – guests learn without ever feeling as though they’ve been taught. Edutainment is a form of accelerated learning. Accelerated learning techniques employ methods for learning that are considered to be fun or relaxing to the learner. These methods allow learning, or a transfer of information, to feel natural and unassuming. Although providing edutainment to our customers is not our primary reason for having parties, it is a natural fit – one that can be beneficial to you and your company in many ways.

How To Make Sex Edutainment Fun

Making sex edutainment fun is easier than you may think. There are two factors that will determine how effective your sex edutainment will be: Level of Information and Props. Here are a few tips about both that may help:

Level of Information

Keep the information you share basic and brief– stay away from clinical terminology and explanations. The idea is to share information that may be of interest and is quick to share. An example of the information may be locating the g-spot, the number of nerve endings on the clitoris, how the clitoris swells when aroused, the size of a flaccid penis, etc.
Make information light and relatable. Don’t bog yourself or your guests down in long explanations about bodily functions.
Share information that is related to the type of toy you’re presenting at the time. If showing and describing a g-spotter vibe, provide edutainment about the g-spot or female ejaculation.
Every product description isn’t required to include sex edutainment, you can have specific, pre-determined topics that you discuss during your presentation, the edutainment does not need to be extensive.
If you’re not comfortable with your level of sexual knowledge, educate yourself by utilizing one of the countless resources for accurate information about sexual health and well-being. A quick web search can help you find most any type of sexual information you need. Be sure that the source is credible and the information is accurate – be able to state your sources. A short list of sites that may help in broadening your knowledge are:
- WebMD
- beducated.com
- Women’s Health Magazine
- Everydayhealth.com
- Volonte (Lelo’s blog)
- Kinkly.com
You can also seek one of the certification programs that are available – there are many good and reputable programs available.
Don’t make up sexual facts. If you don’t know something it’s okay, you don’t know it.

Props

Props or visual aids not only make your form of sex edutainment more fun and interesting, they provide guests with a visual so they can get a better idea of how to find what you’re discussing. The following is a list of possible props:

A vagina puppet (helps to illustrate labia minora & majora, clitoris, vaginal entrance, urethra)
An anatomically correct rubber or realistic feeling penis (dildo)
An anatomically accurate rubber or realistic feeling vagina (masturbator)
Any number of the products being demonstrated can also be used as props (kegel exercisers, c-rings, etc.)

Benefits of Edutainment

Providing edutainment during your parties is beneficial in many ways:

Increases your credibility as a pleasure party plan owner and the credibility of your business. When you’re able to provide accurate sexual health and wellness information to your customers, you build your reputation. You appear more knowledgeable and credible. Being able to speak intelligently about basic sexual health and wellness topics also legitimizes your business, you’re serious about what you do.
Edutainment can help to increase revenues. Providing instruction about a creative way to put on a c-ring or how female ejaculation occurs, builds trust in your judgement. Guests will be eager to look to you for product purchasing recommendations.
Use of edutainment can help to build long-term clientele. Customers will return to you over and over, seeking advice and product recommendations. Once you’ve established this type of relationship with a customer, she will always come back to you to make her purchases – regardless of your pricing. As most of us know, after conducting so many home parties, you start to understand that many women aren’t very savvy about their sexuality. The edutainment we share provides information about how the female body works…but in a way that isn’t ‘teachy’ or condescending.
Edutainment allows you to provide a ‘value-added’ service to your customers – one they can’t always get in a brick and mortar store and definitely not at an internet outlet.
Developing your edutainment routine will broaden your knowledge of sexual health and wellness information.

Edutainment is a way to build a bridge, a connection with your customers while providing them with accurate sexual health and wellness information. Edutainment can only enhance your existing pleasure party presentation, polishing it and making you and your company look more professional.

Sexpert Panel: BDSM & Power Play for Couples

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

May 29, 2021

Wednesday, May 19, 2021 @ 12PM Pacific Time

Sponsored by:

Our Panelists Are:
Viloshni Moodley, Dr. Ava Cadell, Tamara Bell, Josh Ortiz, Dr. Patsy Evans & Jason Denis, Sunny Megatron, Autumn Nicole

This event has passed but you can watch the replay below:

What You Can Expect:

The Sexpert Panel will talk candidly, as if you were meeting face to face over drinks and discuss fully and openly the most intimate details of topics you are interested in.

Best of all, renowned Sexperts will share their wisdom to help ease your concerns, lower your inhibitions and transport you to sexual empowerment.

Meet our Moderator and Panelists

MODERATOR
Viloshni Moodley, Certified Master Sexpert & Intimacy Coach

Viloshni Moodley is a Certified Master Sexpert practicing as an Online Intimacy Coach. She is the founder and owner of Ultimacy Online, since leaving her over 25 years of management experience within Corporate. Her passion for empowering individuals with positive sex education and breaking the cycle of negative conditioning has influenced her change in career path. She believes relationships are the most important factor to overall wellbeing, and thus passionate about making a change to ensure people have more fulfilling relationships. Having a happy, healthy relationship provides balance in individuals and couples. Her work specializes in coaching individuals or couples who wish to achieve certain goals in the bedroom.

Tamara Bell, Founder of HPPPA, Student Mentor at LoveUniv.com

Free Gift to One Lucky Attendee: One Hour Love Coaching/Mentoring Session

Tamara Bell who was one of the first Loveology University graduates in 2008, now she’s the Student Ambassador & Mentor, ready to help coach you to a successful career! Tamara is also a master networker and an industry leader helping grow positive businesses. She founded The Home Pleasure Party Plan Association (HPPPA) in January 2005 to establish a network between pleasure party company owners, distributors and manufacturers. Tamara said, “Our goal is to be one voice to our distributors and manufacturers and continue to be viewed as a strong entity in this growing industry.” Now a Certified Loveologist & Love Coach working with couples, singles and business owners in developing positive relationship enhancement techniques. Tamara is loved and admired by all who work with her. Learn more about Tamara at ladytcoaching.com

Dr. Ava Cadell, Clinical Sexologist, Author & Founder of LoveUniv.com

Free Gift To One Lucky Attendee: Sensual BDSM For Couples instructional DVD.

Dr. Ava is a Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, author of eleven books and global speaker (who has travelled to four continents giving lectures on love, romance, relationships, intimacy and sexuality). Dr. Ava is the founder of Loveology University® providing online training to certify Love Coaches, Relationship Coaches and Master Sexperts through a multimedia platform, with emphasis on loving & healing yourself, physically & emotionally, while accepting others’ sexual practices without moral judgement, through comprehensive distance learning.

Dr. Harmony, Clinical Sexologist & Jason Denis, Business & Life Coach

Free eBook to ONE lucky attendee: Clinicians Guide to Working with Kinky Clients

Patsy B. Evans (a.k.a. Dr. Harmony) is a Florida Licensed Acupuncture Physician, License Mental Health Counselor & Clinical Sexologist. She’s an International Speaker on Leadership, Emotional Intelligence, Sexuality & Trauma.Patsy & Jason are both Sex Positive Advocates, for the LGTBQIA+ Alternative Lifestyle Community, Poly, Swing & BDSM Lifestyle. Their unique blend of skills & education in Kink Culture, Relationship Counseling, Traumatology, Holistic Psychotherapy and Business Coaching helps clients in a way that is both positive and empowering. They founded HarmonyUs, Inc., the International Association Of Collaborative Counseling & Coaching Education, the Kink Therapy Certification Institute (KTCI) & Sex Positive Academy, strive to help people find their life balance to make the world a better place.

Josh Ortiz, Writer, Sex Educator, Brand Ambassador

Free Gift to One Lucky Attendees: Sponsor Gift

Josh Ortiz is a well-respected Sex Educator & Brand Ambassador in the pleasure product industry. As a transgender man, his experience spans gender and sexuality, affording him the privilege of connecting with humanity on a deep and intimate level.

Josh Ortiz joined XR Brands as a Sales Representative in 2018 and has since led scores of in-person training. Due to the pandemic, he created a new online sex education series that combines sexuality topics with product trainings.
Past topics have included puppy play, urethral sounding, smoking fetishism, temperature play, and more.

Sunny Megatron, Certified Sexuality Educator & Media Personality

Free Gift to All Attendees: Kink Negotiation (digital mini-workbook)

Sunny Megatron, is an award-winning certified sexuality educator and media personality. She’s the host and executive producer of the Showtime original television series, SEX with Sunny Megatron, plus co-hosts the AASECT Award winning American Sex Podcast and Open Deeply Podcast.

Voted XBIZ 2021 Sexpert of the Year, Sunny is also a contributing editor of XBIZ Premiere Magazine and a regular columnist for Sexual Health Magazine. Her work focuses on normalizing alternative sexual practices and ending sexual stigma.

Sunny’s next event, Hot & Healthy Erotic Humiliation for LA Kink Pride, is on June 13, 2021 @ 12pm PDT. Follow Sunny’s latest news and events here: https://direct.me/sunnymegatron

Autumn Nicole, Intimacy Wellness Coach & Cuddlist

Free Gift to One Lucky Attendee: 90 Minute Virtual Cuddle Therapy Session

Autumn has dedicated her life to learning about trauma and practicing mindful healing. She has a degree in Social Work with training in Trauma-Informed Care and a range of Therapeutic Modalities. Her personal desire to explore holistic and diverse experiences for her own healing has led her to pursue a career in Relationship & Intimacy Wellness Coaching. She utilized what she gained through her own experience with BDSM to rebuild a healthy, sustainable relationship within her own marriage of 12 years. She has been active in her local BDSM Community and worked in-depth with their MAsT Chapter (Masters & Slaves Together International).

Sex By Moon

By

Dr Sparkle

-

April 17, 2024

ahmad-hidayat-lIywk7Qgq1Y-unsplash — Photo by: Ahmad Hidayat on Unsplash

Have you ever wondered if the Moon plays a role in sex. Do we have more sex at different times of the Moon’s cycle? Is it the same if you are dating versus in a relationship? What role does it play with respect to gender? The answer to all these questions asked is, it depends.

What is good for one might not be good for another. Life is strange like that; we do not all fit into the same box.

The Moon has a strong effect on us. Throughout time, people have documented the behavior of living things with the lunar cycles. Humans have been known to have more energy, not sleep as much, and do some wild things. We do not know totally why the Moon affects us like this, but it does.

We know the four phases of the menstrual cycle run about 28 days, same as the Moon’s cycle. We also know the Moon controls the tides. Why is that important? According to the U.S. Geological Survey, a human adult body is made up to 60% water.

Researchers completed extensive studies several decades ago and found the proportion of water in our bodies. They went through the body piece by piece to find out where the water was. In the chart below, you can see just what proportion of each organ is water. For example, our skin is made up of 64% water and our lungs are 83% water.

Water Content of Human Organs

Organs	Percentage
*Brain and Heart Combined*	*73%*
*Lungs*	*83%*
*Skin*	*64%*
*Muscles and Kidneys Combined*	*79%*
*Bones*	*31%*

Now, you might be asking, why do we care to know that our body is made up of water? Because, if the Moon affects the tides of the world, it makes sense that the Moon can affect us as well because of the 60% water we are made from. And we know about the Moon affecting hormones, thereby affecting all of us because it does not matter your gender, we all have hormones.

Your libido may rise and fall in sync with the cycles of the Moon, such as, on a Full Moon your sex drive might surge if ovulation coincides with the Moon. The following presents a brief summary of information for each phase of the lunar cycle.

New Moon is the best time to try new things.

New Partner
New Location
New Position

Waxing Moon is the best for self.

Self-Love
Self-Exploration
Self-Masturbation

Full Moon is the best time for sex.

Sexual Desires are at their highest
Hormonal levels are at their highest.
Pheromones levels are at their highest

Waning Moon is best for non-sexual activities.

Recharging Time.
Communicating and Planning Time.
Self-Care Time

But how does the Moon play a role in Dating versus in a Relationship. You find out that each phase of the lunar cycle changes our mindset regarding mood and actions. Please remember nothing is set in stone. These are just observations over the years by many. There are always outliers.

New Moon: This time is very fluid, so have fun.

Relationship: Because you are in a relationship, this is a great time to try something new with your partner. This is the time to let the fun ‘out’ and enjoy the experience. You do not want to be complacent in the relationship. This is the time when you want to add a little sugar and spice to it, to keep things interesting.

Dating: This is the perfect time for you to try new things out. See what you like and do not like. When dating you should keep a list with your goals to keep track of your progress. Also, it will let you deviate from your plan if you choose to go another way. Remember this is the time when you are putting yourself out there to find someone you want to be with.

Waxing Moon: This is a holding position, focusing on you.

Relationship: You each in the relationship need to look inward. Care for yourself then take the time to care for each other, treating the relationship as one. This can be hard at first so look at this way. Pamper and play with yourself, then take the time to spend time together. You may find that you are relaxed and free to self-explore each other during this time.

Dating: This is the time you start looking at who you want to date. If you have gone out on a date and this is a follow-up date, you are learning about each other and how well you fit together. Can you make your lives fit together? Do you complement each other or are you at odds with each other?

Full Moon: Interesting, whether you are involved or not.

Relationship: This is the time when you could take your relationship to the next level, or a great time to say, ‘I Love You.’ Either way, this phase of the Moon is excellent for a stronger commitment. It is the time you both take sex to another plane. You have a deeper connection.

Dating: You will find that you slow down some. You might make a date only to have them cancel on you. When you do not have a connection or a deep bond, you may find yourself fighting or arguing with each other. If you are dating, having sex on a Full Moon may not happen.

Waning Moon: Time for rejuvenating and recharging.

Relationship: This is the time you and your partner self-reflect and reflect on your relationship. You have a deeper bond with each other, knowing the other plays a role in satisfying one’s needs. Because of the connection you each have you are able to enjoy the recharging together.

Dating: Consider what you have learned about yourself and the others you have dated. When you are dating, apply the information learned on the first date to the second and third. This will help build a deeper relationship with your date, especially if you are hoping for the date to blossom into something more.

One more thought to consider is Moon Bathing, another name is ‘Chandra Snana’, which is the bathing with or without water under Moonlight. Allowing the Moonlight to recharge you, giving you a feeling of well-being, but also making you feel purified. This can lead to a delightful time with yourself or with a partner. It has been known to bring the wild side out, especially under a full Moon.

What is the take away? The Moon does play a role in our sex lives when it comes to dating and/or relationships. Gender, not so much, because we all have hormones that are affected by the Moon’s pull. It is important to know that you can learn from previous actions so you can grow and understand later relationships, whether causal or serious, for a more enlighten time. Have fun and always keep things consensual.

Remembering Playgirl: Entertainment for Women (No, Really!)

By

Megan Hussey

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March 10, 2021

By Megan Hussey, The Feminist Sexpert

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March (Happy Women’s History Month by the way—huzzah!), we also pause to remember those who time has forgotten—those women who, whether individually or as a group, have been omitted from history books and deleted from popular culture.

I know something about those women, and women’s groups—because I’m one of them.

I’m Megan Hussey, Feminist Sexpert at Sexpert.Com, erotica author, journalist and feminist activist. And in the early 2000s, I was the leader of the Playgirl Posse, Playgirl’s fan club.

Upon reading this information, some readers may have done such a swift double take that they now suffer from whiplash. Sorry about that! This is because, at least once every few months, I read online that Playgirl was a gay magazine read only by gay men. Oh, and for good measure, they say all of the models were gay too.

I have nothing against gay people or gay porn. What I do have something against is the total cultural erasure of Playgirl’s initial mission and female readership. It kinda sucks to be told that one doesn’t exist, ya know?

I was a woman who strongly responded to the message, mission and models of Playgirl, counting it as that single tool that helped get me through lonely nights, bad breakups, and even college! Because aside from being a feminist since birth (I often joke that I came out of the womb with the sole intention of overthrowing the patriarchy by preschool), I just really loved seeing hot men with little to no clothes. And how.

As a magazine, Playgirl was created in the early ‘70s for women as a feminist response to Playboy–and for most of its run, the magazine’s readership was split down the middle between gay men and straight women. Aside from centerfolds that were romantically shot, far less graphically than those featured in gay beefcake magazines, Playgirl magazine featured erotic fantasies and photo layouts featuring female/male couples, interviews with female celebrities, articles about issues like feminism, women in the workplace, dating violence, and reviews of erotic books and films.

The PlaygirlTV hardcore DVDs, introduced in the early 2000s, showed heterosexual couples and showcased male stars like Jean Val Jean, Evan Stone, Niko, Marcus London, etc. And the PlaygirlTV cable/video on demand service showed these same scenes online and on cable.

I first read about Playgirl on a pop culture message board. Immediately I thrust a defiant fist in the air and issued a Sally-like (“I’ll have what she’s having”) cry of “Yesss!!!”

OK, so—during college, I actually created a model channel guide for a PlaygirlTV channel—that’s how freakin’ badly I wanted, no needed PlaygirlTV. So when I wrote to the Playgirl marketing department to congratulate them profusely on the realization of a women’s erotic network, I made an immediate friend in the wonderful Heda Eisenberg, marketing specialist for Playgirl.

Soon they brought me on as a spokeswoman and as the head of the Playgirl fan club, the Playgirl Posse. I became a Playgirl writer and was suddenly corresponding with people like world-renowned sexpert Jayme Waxman and legendary femme porn director Candida Royalle. I had a Playgirl column and blog, and was on the programming review board for PlaygirlTV.

The Playgirl Posse was 95 percent female and featured members such as Heth Mares, the female marketing manager of Wicked Pictures, sexperts/adult models like Tara Tainton and Sassy Vee (host of the “Sex with Sassy” show), Amy Co Accessories owner and Vegas party planner Amy Miller, renowned adult journalist Cyndi Loftus, many erotica authors and publishers, adult commentators like short filmmaker Jana Cleveland, sex toy expert Stephanie S., and female adult film critics Ravyn Riccio and Mistress Liss. We also boasted grandmas, nurses, homemakers, breast cancer survivors, adult toy saleswomen, strippers, and career women. Selena Kitt, whose book “Babysitting the Baumgartners” was made into a movie by Adam and Eve, was a Posse girl.

The Playgirl Posse were ladies on a mission; representing Playgirl at the AVN show one weekend and at the Playgirl male revue show plenty of weekends. We flowed through the doors of adult video and bookstores, demanding more Playgirl. I wrote fiery letters to news outlets who claimed that Playgirl wasn’t really for women, because women just weren’t visual. This despite the fact that handsome hunks are used to sell everything from romance novels to soap operas intended solely for a female audience. And I lived every gal’s dream, receiving a birthday phone call from adult video actor/PlaygirlTV star Jean Val Jean, my big crush. He was a total sweetheart who sang me “Happy Birthday” in French and sent me a swoonworthy autographed picture—one I treasure to this day.

Our club did include a handful of gay men, also straight men who wanted to model for Playgirl. And yes, many of the men who posed for Playgirl were indeed straight.

Towards the end of Playgirl’s history, the direction of the magazine changed to acknowledge more of its gay male audience—steering away from the Posse in the process. Even before then, I was stung when Tina Fey, one of my idols, joked on Saturday Night Live that “PlaygirlTV was the channel made for women, but watched by gay men.”

Really, Tina? Well, let me let ya in on a little secret. The gals of the Playgirl Posse were the same women who buy tickets to your movies and comedy shows, in an effort to stand by you and other strong women. They stood by me when my first erotic book was published, and when my father passed away. And I made sure to honor them when they got jobs and degrees, when they married and had children, when they needed a listening ear.

We are women, and boy, did we roar. Or should I say—Playgirl, did we roar.

Playgirl closed its pages as a print magazine in 2016, but relaunched again in 2020. It is still available at Playgirl.com.

How To Listen To A Woman

By

Erika Jordan

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November 13, 2020

Let’s talk about listening.

I know men are often overwhelmed when listening to a female. They feel obligated to fix all of her problems. Sure it would be great if you could fix all of her problems however most women see conversation as a productive end in and of itself. What does that mean that means that if she feels sufficiently heard she doesn’t necessarily need to take it any further. The fact that she has been listen to soothe her anxieties and dolls the pangs of negative feelings.

Sharing with someone who understands and loves her heels her from the inside. This equips her with the emotional tools necessary to handle the trials of the outside world. Women tend to understand the emotional parts of messages more effectively than men. This is probably because research indicates that women process messages on both sides of the brain more so than men. So men tend to process more on the left side of the brain and emotional information is processed on the right.

Here are a few listening tips:

1. Women feel the need to express everything, I mean everything, in order to provide you with the most information about the situation, please be patient. Women often feel that men don’t care about what they are saying due to the lack of reaction, so be involved. Don’t assume what they are saying is not important because the subject is not important to you. If she is taking the time to talk about it, she wants you to take the time to listen to her.

2. Find the perfect balance between logic, empathy and our emotions. What is really happening? Why is she telling you to do the dishes. Does she feel disrespected or unappreciated? Put yourself in her shoes.

3. Check your emotions. Why are you so angry that she’s asking you to do the dishes. Why did you react that way. Taking a moment to rise above the situation and view it neutrally will transform your world.

Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Improving your communication skills will improve every area of your life. From making you more successful in business to improving family relations and increasing intimacy with your significant other.

It requires work to keep your relationship strong. After the initial serotonin and oxytocin rush wears off you’re left with feelings of boredom. It’s a normal transition because everything seems boring compared to that new relationship energy. You might not be able to maintain the excitement you felt during the first few weeks but much like cocaine you can continuously pursue that initial buzz but no amount of cocaine will get you there. You have to find a buzz you can sustain (like eating healthy and getting adequate sleep.) If you want a relationship to last you have to be aware of the inevitable ups and downs and be able to adjust accordingly.

Communication and listening is a primary skill for a successful relationship. For more on needed skills let Erika Jordan guide you with Advice For Men Skills.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Why You Need a Ginger

By

Erika Jordan

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January 24, 2021

I was raised with old-fashioned values so in an attempt to keep my numbers down I had a ginger. I’m going to tell you what a ginger is and why you need one..

No, I’m not talking about a redhead! I’m talking about the ginger you eat in between sushi rolls to cleanse your palette!

Your relationship ends you’re dealing with sadness, disappointment, anger. After some time goes by you know you’re not entirely ready to fall in love but you’re lonely and horny. After a relationship ended I had a guy I called and he knew damn well to break into the “I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You need a drink”. We would go on a trip together and have amazing passionate sex and then go back to our respective lives. It doesn’t become a thing it is what it is. I call it a ginger because it’s like cleansing the pallet between entrees.

For me I found that it helps to prevent some of the issues from the previous relationship to follow you into the next. If you go straight into your next relationship you’re likely to be triggered by things that remind you of your ex and occasionally have trouble separating this new person from your last. It might not be for everyone but it’s definitely worked out for me.

For life on the wild side check out Erika Jordan with Carol and David on the Playmate Pickup Podcast.

Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence, and get them to want you!!!! Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, Playmate Pickup is available with personalized guidance at PlaymatePickup.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!