Taking the Job Out of Blow Jobs: 16 Oral Sex Tips

By

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July 28, 2021

mushroom-2751318_1920 — Image by Anja from Pixabay

I wrote about how to give the best blow job ever a couple of years ago. It’s been the top article on my blog ever since. But when I looked back on the original article, I felt it was lacking a lot of specific details at least to my standards.

So what’s the secret of taking the job out of blow job? Here are some of my favorite tips…

As your man is getting undressed, lie on the bed with your head where your feet usually go, rather than perched on the pillows. As he walks toward the bed, slide down so your head is hanging over the bed, grab his buttocks, and take his penis into your mouth. Your head should be off the bed as you give him oral sex upside down. He’s ultimately in control of the thrusting, but you can use your hands as a guide to speed him up or slow him down. Not only does this look sexy, but it also opens your throat wide so you can take in more of him without gagging.

2. Lift his penis to expose his testicles, then find the tiny, sometimes darker line that runs up between them. Start a long lick from the underside of his testicles and continue very slowly to the tip of his penis.

3. Cover your teeth with your lips and then take as much of his penis in your mouth as you can in one movement. You don’t have to deep throat him; just let him see his penis disappear rapidly. If he really likes for you to go down deep, aim his penis downward instead of toward the back of your mouth. If it takes you a while to master that move, try using an oral sex spray to help numb your throat.

4. Use one hand to hold the base of the penis and let saliva pool in your mouth to keep your tongue slippery. Make a loose fist with your other hand, lube it up, and slide it up and down his penis, closing it when you reach the head. Get the hand motion right first, then add your mouth, letting your hand act as an extension of it. Create a snug vacuum with your mouth as if it’s a tight vagina and then slide up and down with your hand following your mouth.

5. Spice up any oral technique by adding some “twist and swirl” action with your tongue. The combination of firm fingers and a soft tongue feels fantastic, and it’s easy to master. As if you’re using your hand to masturbate him, twist it slightly once it reaches the head. At the same time, swirl the flat of your tongue around the rim of the head.

6. Use a tensed tongue to flick on his frenulum, the band of skin between his head and the foreskin or shaft, or make like a butterfly and flutter the flat surface of your tongue on it.

7. A nickel- to quarter-sized dollop of flavored lube will make sucking much more fun and enjoyable as well as keeping his shaft slippery if you alternate between playing his skin flute with your mouth and your hands.

8. Keep your tongue moving. Alternate between active, slow and sensual tongue moves. Think of giving a blow job as something like playing free-form jazz or even a symphony. Changing the tempo as you go along keeps things interesting and more fun for givers as well as receivers.

9. Don’t just limit your attention to his shaft while going down on him. Some guys like when the person sucking them off pulls down tight on the penis at the base of the shaft. Or try cupping or massaging his balls. Don’t neglect licking and sucking his balls, too.

10. Perineum, prostate and anal play are great ways to double up on the wow factor during fellatio. Stick a finger, dildo, anal plug or prostate massager up his ass while you’re giving his shaft some mouth or tongue action. If you or he aren’t big fans of anal play, press on his perineum to stimulate his prostate gland for an extra orgasmic jolt.

11. Men are totally into visuals. Bob your head up and down when you’re going down on him.

12. Eye contact is hot, too, and something I’ll admit that I totally forget about when I’m focused on giving oral pleasure.

13. Humming and moaning are hot for men, too, especially for the vibration.

14. If he’s squirming and trying to hump your face, do more of whatever you’re doing. Listen to what he wants, even if it means discerning the changes in his moans, body movements and any other non-verbal cues.

15. No matter what techniques you use, make sure that you complete the job. In other words, don’t quit or peter out before he’s had a chance to come.

16. Several of the men I’ve talked to over the years about giving head have said one of the things they enjoy most is when their partner enjoys giving oral sex. Be an animal and not a machine. Giving great oral sex isn’t all about technique. Enthusiasm goes a long way, too.

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/taking-the-job-out-of-blow-jobs/

Erika Jordan’s “Advice For Men” What Is a Session

By

Erika Jordan

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May 26, 2020

Erika Jordan is a certified love coach and NLP practitioner. As you know Erika offers one on one sessions on her site VirtualSexpert.com. But what is a session? What does it entail? Maybe you need to go back a step to What Is A Sexpert. Well no two sessions are the same. For the first session you will cover some basics such as what areas you would like to improve. Then Erika with you analyze different methods to get your desired outcome and find out which one would work best for you.

Erika will often incorporate hypnotherapy or NLP into her sessions when the client requests it. Or when she feels it is part of what is required to do to ensure you get positive results. Based on what you accomplish in the first session the information could be all you need and you will never see her again. Or you see progress and want to continue and incorporate more action into acquiring your goal.

You can talk with Erika over the phone, on video chat or meet in person. Erika Jordan customizes each session to ensure you get the best results. Erika gets right to the point and does everything in her power to help you. Your goals are her goals and you will achieve them together! Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Body Piercing For Pleasure

By

Tamara Bell

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May 19, 2022

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Body piercing for pleasure has become common practice. Before piercing, consider the hygiene rules and health risks associated with piercing.

Piercing Cleansing & Precautions

Getting a body piercing in an unusual area such as your tongue, the head of your penis or your nipples requires some care. There may be a small amount of bleeding for 1 to 3 days following a piercing, especially male piercings. You shouldn’t participate in any fluid exchange in the area for 2 months (longer — up to a year — if you plan on doing deep tissue piercing) in order to avoid infection and allow the area to heal properly. The use of condoms and dental dams are a necessity during the healing period, which can last anywhere from a two weeks to months. It’s important to use condoms with larger receptacle ends (the space at the tip of the condom) during genital contact and oral sex to prevent the pierced area from getting infected, and to accommodate jewelry. As with all body piercings, swimming pools and hot tubs should be avoided for at least 2-4 weeks post piercing.

Always keep the area clean (even after it’s healed) by using an antiseptic product and be responsible. Genital piercings need to be cleaned twice a day with a diluted saline solution and soap and water, as well as after sexual activity. If you notice that the area is infected or constantly sore, then don’t engage in any form of sexual contact until it heals. Gentle sexual activity can be resumed when the piercing site is no longer sensitive.

Choosing An Expert

It is not recommended that anyone practice self-piercing, and needles should never be shared under any circumstances. It is possible to spread bacterial skin infections, and other infections like herpes, HIV, Hepatitis B and C, through improper piercing practices. Look for an experienced practitioner with professional training and ask if they follow the Infection Control Guidelines for body piercing.

Practitioners must always wash their hands before wearing latex-gloves and handling equipment and use new needles that have been sterilized for each treatment. Piercing guns with fixed parts should never be used because the components that make contact with the body are not disposable. Medical needles are the standard method for genital and body piercing. Reputable practitioners will post healing times for each technique.

Before the genital area is pierced it should be treated with an antiseptic, just like a piercing anywhere else. This prevents any bacteria or viruses present on the skin from entering the body and causing infection at the site of the piercing. The skin is kept taut, sometimes with the use of surgical forceps, and a needle is passed through the tissue. The jewelry is then pushed through the opening. A heavier gauge of jewelry is used for genital piercing than is used for other body piercings, since genital tissue can be easily stretched or torn by the use of thinner wires. When jewelry is removed, genital piercings tend to close very quickly. If jewelry is removed for longer than a brief period of time, it is recommended that a temporary spacer (i.e. non-metallic sterile tubing or suture) be used to ensure that the piercing does not close.

The Tongue

Usually, people who pierce and have sexual experiences with vagina owners, pierce their tongues in order to enhance cunnilingus. Their piercing is done near the front of the tongue, whereas vagina owners who pierce their tongues get the piercing further back on their tongues. And obviously, licking their clitoris with a ball of steel attached to your salivating tongue will likely serve to enhance their pleasure.

Lick the vagina as you would even if you weren’t pierced. But if you want to add a little something to the experience, freeze the ring first by placing an ice cube or a curiously strong mint in your mouth beforehand. The heat from your tongue blended with the contrast of the cold ring will make their clitoris feel amazing.

As well, besides licking the clitoris and its vaginal neighbor, you can use your tongue to lick them all over as you would anyway. Lick the nipples, the neck, lips, and even anus… there’s no telling what good things might come of this.

People performing fellatio should perform it as usual but use the piercing to deeply explore the rim of the urethra, frenulum, and coronal areas of the penis. Apply pressure with the piercing on these areas for pleasurable stimulation.

The Penis

There are quite a few piercing varieties available for penis owners to engage in when it comes to their genitalia. Here are a few:

Ampallang: Consists of a Titanium barbell stud (size varies depending on preference) placed horizontally through the glans (head of the penis). Results in the head remaining extremely firm during sex, and because the barbells hit the vaginal walls during sex, it enhances her pleasure. Unfortunately, it takes approximately 12 months to heal completely.
Dydoe: Usually done in pairs, it consists of Titanium barbell studs being pierced through the Corona (ridge of the penis head). Believed to enhance sexual pleasure for both partners.
Frenum: Piercing occurs along the length of the penis rather than side to side. The loose skin is pierced, thus not causing intense pain as with the other two. Takes approximately 2 months to heal.
Prince Albert: Most popular piercing out there to date. Consists of a bead ring (circular barbell) being pierced into the urethra. Takes about 2 months to heal.
Guiche: Consists of having the base of the scrotum pierced through the perineum with a circular barbell. Prone to infection because most penis owners tend to sweat in this particular area, which aggravates infection. Healing time depends on the individual.

As for condoms, since the jewelry is polished (no sharp edges), there’s no chance that it will tear the latex. Just make sure there’s adequate lube.

The Clitoris & Labia

When it comes to vagina owners, it’s usually the clitoral hood that gets pierced rather than the actual clitoris or any other area of the genitalia for that matter; the procedure is less complicated and therefore safer. Contrary to popular belief, many piercers will not pierce the clitoris because of its sensitivity and delicate clustered nerves. It can take anywhere up to 3 months to heal after the initial piercing. As well, vertical hood piercing is much easier than the horizontal variety.

While every vagina owner’s story differs, the general belief is that clitoral piercing heightens sexual pleasure a great deal. In some cases, just going for a walk might result in an orgasm for some of these lucky piercers.

When a clitoris owner is penetrated by a penis, the rubbing of the ring against the clitoris while they rhythmically go back and forth will provide heightened sensations. And yes, this one’s for the vagina owner’s pleasure only.

The Christina: Also known as the Venus, is a piercing under the pubic mound (mons veneris). This piercing also requires specific anatomic criteria, and therefore cannot be performed on all vagina owners due to anatomical variations. This piercing is usually performed with a surface bar or curved barbell. Jewelry is often customized for the individual client, since no two Christina piercings or pubic mounds are exactly alike.
The Fourchette: Fourchette piercings are not commonly performed, because very few vagina owners have the anatomical structure needed for this piercing. A fourchette piercing is a piercing of a flap of skin at the back of the vulva that few vulva owners have. It’s a primarily aesthetic piercing, rather than a sexually stimulating one. It generally takes 8-12 weeks to heal.

Nipple Piercing

Nipple piercing is probably one of the most popular amongst all those who pierce. Nipple piercing can be done to draw attention to the nipples as sometimes they can be neglected during foreplay and sex. Nipple piercing can also be done to help maintain the nipples in an erect stance permanently. Then again, there are those who simply enjoy the painful pleasure associated with getting pierced (ahh, endorphins). Many people find nipple piercings to be highly erotic.

General Information About Complications & Side Effects

Studies show no reported increase in pregnancy or delivery related problems among women with genital piercings. People who have penises with Prince Albert piercings may experience some problems with urinary flow and aim since the jewelry passes through the urethra. Some penis owners with this piercing prefer to sit down while urinating. Issues such as impotence and sterility are not associated with genital piercings. More than half (65%) of people with female genitalia and almost half (47%) of people with male genitalia, with genital piercings report no complications at all. The most frequently reported complications are related to urinary flow for those with penises and hypersensitivity of the piercing site for those with vaginas. However, with the proper piercing techniques and attention to hygienic aftercare, there should be little health concern associated with genital piercings.

Sources: “Kenya: Three Weird Ways Men Are Decorating Their Penis …”

Sexuality & U.ca, askmen.com, piercingmodels.com, piercingpleasures.com, Kymbra’s Closet

Sexpert Panel: Open Relationships: Understanding Polyamory, Monogamish & Unicorns

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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March 15, 2021

By Dr. Ava Cadell

Did you know that there’s a spike in Open Relationships and Polyamorous Marriage?

Much of it may be due to the Covid quarantine, as couples are calling it quits after spending so much time together that they’re getting on each other’s nerves. Even newlyweds are separating, but there’s a new alternative approach that’s becoming popular and that is adding a consensual person or people to your relationship.

This event has passed, but you can watch the replay below.

I will be moderating this esteemed panel of Sexperts and taking questions from viewers, so think about what you would like to ask on the topic.

When you register, you will also automatically get put into our raffle for free gifts, like an adult toy basket from Lelo and you will get a link to a fabulous yoga video donated by Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce. She is a Clinical Sexologist and Yoga Therapist with a Degree in Nursing. Her background as a registered nurse, health educator, sex & relationship author, radio talk show host and yoga therapist all enhance her passion as an International speaker and sensuality educator. Dr. Nancy’s counseling practice includes giving guidance and advice to singles for dating in a socially distanced world. Dr Nancy also hosts Exotic Lifestyle Retreats, intimacy oasis at Hedonism Jamaica, where she teaches couples about Conscious Living Sexuality, promoting good communication so that you can share your wants and desires with your partner and enjoy a healthy connection together. If cruising is more your style, you can join Dr. Nancy on a Bliss Cruise for adults.You can join Dr. Nancy for her upcoming event in Jamaica for singles and couples at 26th https://drnsp.com/exotic-lifestyle-retreats/

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff will share her vast knowledge an Academic & Legal Expert on Polyamorous Families with Children. Dr. “Eli” Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology (University of Colorado, Boulder, 2005) and certification as a Sexuality Educator from the AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, 2012), Dr. Sheff specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM. Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 20+ year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. Currently lecturing at the University of Tennessee in Chattanooga, Sheff has also taught at the University of Colorado, University of Montana, Georgia State University, Oglethorpe, Emory, and the University of Zurich. In her book, When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous, she describes the personality of people who are best suited for Open Relationships and on the panel, she will share her bonding project survey to find out if you are a good candidate for an Open Relationship https://www.bondingproject.com/. Dr. Eli is a prolific writer and speaker, so check out her website.

Carol & David, Radio Hosts of The Sexy Lifestyle

Carol and David are the hosts of The Sexy Lifestyle on VoiceAmerica radio, a leading provider of Internet talk radio. Each week Carol and David, A fun-loving swinger couple, share their own personal experiences with sex, love and marriage. Their show aims to help listeners have stronger, more meaningful relationships through clear communication, pushing boundaries, exploring limits, and fulfilling fantasies. Through uncensored and honest discussions about great sex, passion, and intimacy, gain insight into a sex-positive and female-centric view of the modern-day couple. The show airs every Thursday at 4pm PT on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. Tune in for their sex tips, wild stories, and live call-in advice about living a happy, healthy, and horny life! They will give us insight on how their Swinging has improved communication, boundaries and sex in their relationship. They are also giving away a free gift of their Tom Waterproof Blanket to one lucky raffle winner.

Dr. Carol Queen is an Award-winning author, activist and sex educator with a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, Carol Queen has been a part of Good Vibrations since 1990. She currently serves as both Staff Sexologist and Chief Cultural Officer. Queen curates Good Vibrations’ Antique Vibrator Museum. In 1975, Carol Queen co-founded GAYouth, one of the first LGBT youth organizations in America. In 2000, she became the Founding Director of the Center for Sex & Culture, a non-profit organization that provides sex-positive educational classes, as well as a sexuality library and archive accessible to the public. As a presenter, she is offering Sex Positivity classes at https://renegadeuniversity.com/product/sex-positivity/. She is also the author of eleven books.

Erika Jordan is a Certified Love and Relationship Coach, author, media personality and leader in the field of Digital Romance and Online Dating. Well known as a personal trainer for dating, she helps men and women maneuver through the ups and downs of dating and helps them find the love of their lives. Erika has created a renowned 6-week course, entitled The Art of PickUp, designed to help men acquire the skills to approach women with confidence. Erika hosted a show for Playboy TV called, ‘Totally Busted’ and she has had starring roles in various movies on SyFy, HBO, Cinemax. Erika is giving away her 6-week Dating Course for Men, The Art of Pickup. http://erikajordan.net/ and you can listen to her podcast here.

Tamara Bell who was one of the first Loveology University graduates in 2008, is now the Student Ambassador & Mentor for LoveUniv.com ready to help coach you to a successful career! Tamara is also a master networker and an industry leader helping grow positive businesses. She founded The Home Pleasure Party Plan Association (HPPPA) in January 2005 to establish a network between pleasure party company owners, distributors and manufacturers. Tamara said, “Our goal is to be one voice to our distributors and manufacturers and continue to be viewed as a strong entity in this growing industry.” Now a Certified Loveologist & Love Coach working with couples, singles and business owners in developing positive relationship enhancement techniques, Tamara is loved and admired by all who work with her. Her website is https://ladytcoaching.com/ and she hosts a Podcast with LU graduate, Viloshni Moodley, called Real, Raw & Uncut on YouTube.

Book Review: Playing Without a Partner by Megan Stubbs

By

Katya

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May 23, 2021

Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness by Megan Stubbs, ED.D

Dr. Megan Stubbs, ED.D has crafted a holistic manual to single life that covers every aspect of actual LIVING – not just hookup culture and the pursuit of happiness through relationships – but also the act of learning to love one’s self. Her lighthearted, relatable approach and expertise in sex education allows her to articulate to everyone, singles and coupled people alike, how to get back in touch with YOUR happiness at the root. Stubbs provides an inclusive and thoughtful book if you feel stuck in a rut in your relationship with yourself!

Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness by Megan Stubbs

Publisher: Cleis Press (May 11, 2021)
Length: 250 pages
ISBN13: 9781627783040

Table of Contents

Introduction ix
Rethinking Single Life 1
Self Care 25
Self-Love-Masturbation and Fantasy 51
Body Mapping 75
Orgasm Basics 83
Positive Body Image 97
Dating-Want Long-Term, Have Short-Term Connections 121
Important Conversations about Health 147
Empowered Sex with Near Strangers 167
Tips for Great Sex 177
Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide 213
Conclusion 223
Acknowledgement 225

Rethinking Single Life

Single life can be seen as sad, however, as Stubbs explains, this is far from the reality. Most single people, whether searching for a partner or having chosen celibacy for any reason, live very fulfilling and rewarding lives filled with meaningful relationships, romance and more. The main difference being this occurs in a different “package” than what we’ve been generally sold as a “perfect” life.

Getting in touch with your true desires – romance, career, lifestyle goals – helps to achieve a happier life in singlehood or just be happier AS yourself. So much of life can be spent finding the perfect person, not finding out what makes us happiest. Why not spend time alone with yourself trying new things? Going to new places? Meeting lots of new people? Options are endless.

Self Care

Self care is so important in attracting a partner AND in improving feelings around self image and identity. If we have not learned to address our needs, how can we expect that of others? Stubbs provides helpful context within which we can reframe and prioritize self care so we can better care for ourselves and others. As a sex educator, body image specialist and relationship expert, she has invaluable background to provide a well rounded self care routine.

Self Love; Masturbatory and Fantasy, Body Mapping, Orgasm Basics

Self Love can be expressed in so many ways! Stubbs’ book expands on the topics of masturbation and fantasy, Body Mapping and Orgasm Basics over several chapters. One important thing to note is the importance of never faking orgasms with your partner in order to serve what you think are their needs first. Understanding our own pleasure will provide for better sexual experiences whether it be with regular partners or strangers. As Megan says often throughout the book, “Put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others,” to ensure your needs are met before you attempt to help others.

Positive Body Image, Tips for Great Sex, Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide

Dr Stubbs is also an expert in the field of Body Image and Body Positivity and as such offers an informative voice on how to achieve a more positive relationship with our body through sexual empowerment, masturbation and self care, but also in your day to day experiences outside of your sex life. Her sex tips are sound and the “Worst Case Scenario Survival Guide” is helpful for those little awkward moments we often don’t consider until we’re back on the dating scene, like if flatulence occurs and other funny situations.

Dating is all about being in the present with people you care for or hope to find a connection with – it shouldn’t be so stressful – but it can be easy to get nervous or retreat to your shell. With Dr. Stubbs’ book, you’ll find a positive, upbeat and humorous voice to guide you through this sometimes lonely and difficult path (alone) but together! There is no shortage of love out there, only fear that keeps us from finding it.

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Dr. Megan Stubbs is a sexologist, relationships expert, and body image specialist. With her degrees in biology and human sexuality, she is able to combine two of her favorite things, science and sex, into a cohesive platform to impact her audience. She is mindful of inclusion and brings a sensitivity to ethnic diversity rooted in her own complex heritage. She believes that sex should be fun and uses her lighthearted, intelligent, and humorous delivery to make it happen. She is the author of Playing Without a Partner : A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating and Happiness.

Using Adult Toys to Improve Intimacy: How to Deepen Your Connection with Your Partner

By

Valeriam Vincent

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May 28, 2023

dainis-graveris-e5Bk399P0yQ-unsplash — Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

The modern world puts many pressures and demands on intimate relationships, making maintaining a strong connection with one’s partner challenging. However, there is an often-overlooked way of deepening the bond between partners that could make all the difference: adult toys. While these might have traditionally been seen as something only couples who couldn’t keep their hands off each other needed or desired, they are practical tools for helping you both express love and appreciation safely and creatively.

This article will look at ways to use adult toys to build a stronger relationship with your partner through increased intimacy, communication, and exploration.

Defining Intimacy- What is Intimacy and How Can You Strengthen It in Your Relationship

Intimacy is a complex concept that holds different meanings for different people. It involves a deep emotional connection between two individuals, fostering closeness, vulnerability, and trust. Intimacy is an essential component of any healthy relationship; without it, a relationship may struggle to withstand the test of time.

To strengthen intimacy in a relationship, it is crucial to communicate openly and honestly, share experiences and activities that bring you closer as a couple, and make an effort to understand your partner’s needs and desires. Creating intimacy in a relationship takes effort and commitment, but the rewards are immeasurable. A strong emotional bond can help couples weather life’s inevitable ups and downs with greater ease and resilience.

Benefits of Adult Toys- Introducing New Stimulation to Enhance Lovemaking

As we become more comfortable with our sexuality, we often explore new avenues of pleasure. Adult toys have become increasingly popular in recent years to introduce new stimulation into our lovemaking. One such toy that has gained popularity is the blowjob toy. This device is designed to simulate the sensation of oral sex, providing a unique and intense experience.

The benefits of using adult toys like blowjob toys are clear – they can help us achieve new heights of pleasure and satisfaction in our sexual experiences. These innovative devices allow us to explore new possibilities and expand our sexual horizons.

Understanding Different Types of Toys and Their Potential Uses

Sex toys have become increasingly popular and socially accepted in recent years. There are numerous types of sex toys available in the market, designed to cater to different preferences and desires. These toys range from vibrators, dildos, and butt plugs to cock rings. Each type of sex toy has unique functions and is intended to stimulate different body parts.

Understanding the different types of sex toys and their potential uses can help individuals to explore their sexuality and enhance their sexual experiences. It is essential to educate yourself on the variety of sex toys available to choose the right one that suits your liking and needs.

Shopping for Toys Together- Creating a Wholesome, Fun Experience

Shopping for sex toys together can be a unique and exciting experience for couples who want to spice up their intimate lives. However, it is essential to approach this activity with a sense of openness and respect for each other’s boundaries. By creating a wholesome and fun environment, couples can explore their preferences and discover new ways to enhance their sexual pleasure.

Engaging in this activity together can deepen their intimacy and trust, leading to a stronger connection in their relationship. By shopping for sex toys together, couples can tackle any discomfort or anxiety from discussing their sexuality. Overall, this experience can be an enjoyable and rewarding journey for couples who want to take the next step in their sexual exploration.

Exploring Ideas on Use – Experimenting with Toys to Find What Works Best for Your Relationship

Exploring the world of sex toys can be a daunting task. Still, open communication and a willingness to experiment can lead to exciting discoveries and new forms of pleasure. Each individual and couple is unique, so discovering what works best for your relationship involves an element of experimentation and an open mind. By exploring different types of toys, such as vibrators, dildos, and anal plugs, couples can discover new ways to pleasure each other and strengthen their bond.

It is vital to approach this process with respect and patience and to communicate openly with your partner about your likes and dislikes. Experimenting with sex toys can be a fantastic way to explore new realms of intimacy and pleasure and can lead to an exciting and fulfilling sex life.

After Care – Taking Time to Talk About Your Experiences With Each Other Afterwards

Engaging in intimate activities with your partner can be a fulfilling experience to enhance your relationship. In particular, sex toys can add variety to your sex life and strengthen your bond. However, taking the necessary aftercare measures is crucial to ensure healthy, caring, and respectful communication between you and your partner.

Talking about your experiences after using sex toys can foster intimacy, alleviate any concerns or doubts, and bring you closer together. Remember, discussing your thoughts, feelings, and desires is essential to maintaining a fulfilling and healthy sexual relationship with your loved one. So, take a moment to reflect on your experience and have an open and honest conversation with your partner.

In Conclusion

Adult toys are a great way to enhance intimacy and strengthen relationships. Whether you understand intimacy or seek to bring new excitement into your bedroom, there is an adult toy for every purpose. Shopping for these toys together is just as important as the process of using them; doing this can create safe and healthy bonding experiences that can lead to deeper connections between partners.

The Power of Breath in Pleasure

By

Debra Shade

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November 6, 2023

motoki-tonn-X00q3RXcyZ4-unsplash — Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

The power of breath in pleasure and mindfulness cannot be understated, as it serves as the gateway to a more present, centered, and peaceful state of mind. I have taken this understanding into my world of increasing orgasm intensity, and in doing so releasing those beneficial whole-body hormones that we thrive from. The necessity for breath control in moments of pleasure, especially through the steps of orgasm, is life-changing.

In today’s fast-paced world, where the demands of daily life often leave us feeling stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, the practice of mindfulness has gained significant popularity as a way to find inner peace and balance. At the heart of mindfulness lies the simple yet profound act of paying attention to your breath.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

Mindfulness

Mindfulness, in its essence, is the practice of bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It is a mental state that encourages us to be fully aware of our thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they arise, with an attitude of acceptance and non-reactivity.

The breath is a perfect anchor for this practice, as it is always with us, supplying a continuous source of focus and a way to ground ourselves in the here and now. This is a very powerful tool in the art of completing the sexual response cycle. For all of its glory, the orgasm is a masterpiece of pleasure, sensations, and breath.

Breath

The breath is an ever-present, constant companion that connects us to the present moment. We can focus on it at any time, even during a pleasurable situation. By directing our attention to the breath, we immediately draw our minds out of the past or future and into the present.

Noting sources of pleasure, the stimuli, even the presence of the lover(s), and what they are doing to give you pleasure. Take in breath in a pattern that opens the flow of pleasure all over the body. From head to toe, your breath will change what you are feeling and with how much intensity.

The breath has a natural rhythm, with the inhale and exhale following one another in a steady, soothing cadence. When we pay attention to this rhythmic quality of the breath, we create a sense of stability and calm. This rhythmic focus can serve as an anchor, helping to still the turbulent waters of our thoughts and emotions in times of being mindful.

However, when you take control of your breath. When the build-up of pleasure sits in your belly and your vocal box vibrates, you can begin to control it and use it to raise the bar on the stimuli and as a direct result- the power of the orgasm.

Our breath is closely connected to our emotional and mental states. When we are anxious or stressed, our breathing tends to become shallow and rapid. Conversely, in moments of calm and relaxation, our breath deepens and slows. By tuning into the breath, you can control the intensity.

Find your moment to take in a deep breath, to the count of six, and out for a count of four. Take note of what touches you are feeling, where the pressure is building, and when you become more connected with pleasure, change the rhythm of your breathing in for four and out for two.

If you are doing it now, you can see your pace is picking up. Imagine this being the waves of pleasure that ought to be flooding through you as you change your pace to in for two and out for two. Yes panting. Panting is a necessary part of breathing in pleasure. Panting is an awesome audible for your mate(s), and an indicator for them to keep up whatever it is that they are doing.

Mindful attention to the breath helps us ride waves on the orgasm path. We can see our emotional responses as they arise AND we can enjoy the benefits of the audio, visual, and physical aspects of what is going down in and around your body.

An increased amount of dopamine is flooding through you. Serotonin and oxytocin join their buddy dopamine and the sounds that sputter out around your breath should be ignored or used. Ignoring them takes any embarrassment off the table and allows you to drown in the pleasure.

Using the sounds is powerful. This space between stimulus and response allows us to choose how we want to react to stimuli. When you are panting, you want more so don’t be afraid that this is the message you are sending out. You get what you ask for and you don’t always have to use words.

By practicing mindfulness through the breath, we can become more present, centered, and aware, leading to a richer and more fulfilling sex life. The breath is a timeless and readily available source of pleasure, waiting to be discovered within us. It is a reminder that pleasure can be found in the simple act of breathing, and the choice to be mindful of it is always within our grasp.

Self-Publishing & Erotica: The Cold Hard Facts-Part 3

By

Ralph Greco

-

August 15, 2021

pexels-cristian-jako-4512823 — Photo by Cristian Jako from Pexels

Ok, so here it is. Sorry, it took me three columns to get here, but the stuff I laid out in part 1 and part 2, I thought necessary. If you are still with me and want to furrow forward into self-publishing, here are some specific facts I can offer.

1.) There are lots of book producers out there; choose wisely.

For those of us looking to get a book out there, especially first-timers, there are plenty of companies—what I call ‘book producers’ (you can call them a ‘vanity press’)—who will help you through various stages of preparing your book or can push you through the entire process. Some of these companies are honorable; others not so much.

There are always lots of folks out there looking to take advantage of you. I’m sorry, but it’s true. If you go this route, do your research, read reviews, talk to other self-published authors if you can, and learn which of these companies are worth giving your money to.

Remember, you can also reach out to a copywriter, layout person, cover artist yourself.

2.) Amazon will help…to a certain degree.

In some cases, Amazon has become the only game in town, something I warned about way back in one of my earlier columns, and they can be incredibly sketchy for erotica writers. Amazon can/will and forever determine what they want on their portal, and when it comes to erotica, they tend to move the goalposts at whim, determining just what subjects, even what words, they will allow. Subjects like age-play, certainly anything to do with people pretending to be family members (this includes characters calling each other “mommy” or “naughty baby boy” in a story), get in trouble all the time with Amazon. Sex mixed with horror and anything hinting at ‘water sports’ also tends to throw up the old Amazon-y red flags.

The good stuff about Amazon (beyond their reach and that everyone who is anyone will ask you first and foremost “So, is your book up on Amazon?”) is that you can order an ‘Author’s Copy’ (see here) from Amazon for only a minimal amount of money. Doing this, you can get a print copy of your book in your hot little hands, gaze at every inch of it and determine if the book is to your liking. If not, you can easily go back into Amazon and change whatever you like, even order another copy later (yes, just one) and have another look-see. This cuts down on the expense (and believe me, way back, I incurred this expense, so I know it can be expensive) of ordering a box of your book (even now, book printers have a minimum amount that they need to print to complete an order) and realizing the print version didn’t come out the way you wanted it to! Then having to go back and change templates and order a bunch all over again, hoping for the best.

3.) Diversify.

You can list your book across multiple retailers. If you want to grab an ISBN #, you can do so via the Library of Congress and pretty much reach out and sell at any retailer that will have you. You are under no contract when you self-publish.

4.) Erotica is indeed different so treat it differently by self-publishing

As I have been writing here, erotica is different. Considered by many, even other professional writers, as the red-haired stepchild of fiction genres, it’s hard to get mainstream attention for a naughty book without that attention being pejorative. So doing this yourself, at least for your first few forays at publishing, and maybe ever onward, is a good way forward. But don’t worry, there are plenty of places to contact and network. There’s the SEX POSITIVE BOOKS BLOG on Twitter@BooksSex, the UK-based eroticaforall.co.uk, GoodReads.com, and the ERWA, to name just a few places that will get you up and running.

5.) The Profit Is Yours.

When you are under no contract, when you set up your little self-publishing concern on Amazon or wherever, print a box of books for that lecture you are giving, even sell your tomes out of the back of your car, the profit from sales are 100% yours. By selling eBooks, you’ll keep your overhead even lower as you do not have to incur the expense of printing books.

You might indeed find or get contacted by a publisher you do want to publish through. God knows, there are many advantages to doing so. But keep an open mind about self-publishing. Do your research every step of the way and find the avenue that works best for your book, knowing that, these days, you can do a lot of the work you pay others for (either directly or from a split of your royalties) yourself and enjoy a better percentage of the profits.

Sensual Self Care: 45 Daily Practice Tips!

By

Domina Doll

-

January 11, 2022

Self Care is Important to Your Well-being

I don’t think I have to tell you that self care is important to your health and overall well-being? But, just in case you are like me, and feel like you must always be doing something and being productive (like writing this article instead of doing my own self care right now!), and need to be reminded to slow down, take time off and stop neglecting yourself, here it goes:

Stop what you are doing right now and prioritize self-care!

Take a moment to breath that in and visualize what that would feel and look like for you.

Where in your life have you been neglecting yourself? Where do you feel depleted? Feel into your body. Where do you feel tightness, pain, tension, unease, dis-ease?

Take another moment and feel into those spaces of tension, and ask yourself, what would feel good to do right now? Stretch? Get up a take a short walk? Take time to breath deeply? Drink some water? Open the window and let in some fresh air?

Where could you add a bit more self-care into your everyday?

Creating a Daily Self-Care Practice

I like to create a daily self-care practice for myself every morning. This is because it is the time when I will most likely stick to my routine and it also sets the precedent for the rest of the day. But you can take time out any time during the day, even if it for only 5 minutes, and give yourself the rejuvenating nourishment of self care. This is especially important if you sit at a desk all day or have a sedentary life.

Create a Time for Yourself

Below I have added a list of 45 Daily Self Care Tips that you can use, or to help inspire you to create your own. You don’t have to do everything on the list (obs!), but pick just one, or a few that you feel inspired to do each day, as a regular routine. Remember that you can swap out or add on new activities that may be more rejuvenating for you at any time.

Pick a time of day where you will schedule in your sensual self care daily practice “me time” and give yourself 20 minutes (at least) to 1 hour to recharge. You can also schedule in 5-20 minute breaks during the day to add in other self care activities as well throughout your day.

Try this for at least one week and see if you feel a difference.

Believe me, your are worth it, and so is your well-being. Because if you are not going to take care of yourself, who will?

What is Self Care?

Self care is anything you do that makes you feel good and nourishes you. Self-care is the act of engaging in strategies that promote our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual functioning and enhanced well-being.

Prioritizing self-care can help you relax more, manage chronic stress easier, prevent health issues, revitalize you, and make you feel good inside and out.

“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem.”–https://www.everydayhealth.com/self-care/

45 Daily Practice Tips

Here are the 45 daily self-care tips you can try. Take baby steps and just add one to start your daily self-care routine today!

Wake up Stretch in Bed
Enjoy breakfast in bed
Brush Your Tongue & Teeth
Gargle with a natural mouthwash (water & essential oils or oil-pulling)
Meditate for 5-20 minutes
Set your intentions for the day/week
Drink warm Lemon water
Sit up straight
Take a Goddess Bath
Indulge in Breast Massage
Eat a healthy breakfast
Go for a walk in nature
Move your sensual hips (belly dance)
Do 5 minutes of shaking
Give yourself a nourishing facial
Light a candle and connect to the divine
Write a gratitude list
Play an uplifting song and dance around the house
Tidy up your work space
Buy yourself some flowers
Smudge yourself and your room
Take a social media detox
Practice deep belly breathing
Create art
Read a good book
Take time off to rejuvenate
Give and get a hug
Cuddle with your pet
Have some morning sex
Take a mini vacation
Try a fun adventure that you’ve never done before
Journal your reflections
Love your body
Pull an Oracle Card
Take a beauty nap
Drink more water
Slow down & relax
Take time to taste your food
Take a new course
Indulge in dark chocolate
Join a Goddess group
Play with your inner child
Plant a seed
Practice forgiveness for yourself and others
Laugh out loud
Celebrate You!

Labels Beyond Gay and Straight

By

Debra Shade

-

June 24, 2021

pexels-tim-samuel-5838301 — Photo by Tim Samuel from Pexels

Defining Sexuality

The way we define our sexuality is as unique as the way we define ourselves, and the key is to understand what all the various terms mean. What if you didn’t have the word “straight” in your vocabulary. What if the terms heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, et cetera, did not exist? One less topic of division and judgement. How different would you behave? We can all play a part in getting to a space where orientation, expression and presentation isn’t a trigger for anyone.

Photo by spl.ids.ag.uk

The Difference Between Sex and Gender

There’s a lot of information out there about sex and gender. And by sex, I don’t mean the various activities that could make up the act of sex. I mean the biological differences between males and females and the fact that gender is not the same thing. As a result, sex and gender are often confusing subjects for many. Sex refers to a person’s biological characteristics. While most people determine sex based on external genitalia, it also involves hormone ratios, chromosomal makeup and more. In other words, sex may not be as simple as you assume.

What is Intersex?

Since medical professionals often rely on external observations instead of internalized medicine or tests to assign sex categories, designated female at birth or assigned male at birth. The use of “intersex” is to designate individuals who, at birth, may not physically match the expected norms of male and female. Intersex individuals are as common as red heads. These assignments are based on a visual presence of a penis, clitoris, or a version of both.

What is Gender versus Gender Identity?

Gender, in contrast, is often used in reference to at least three factors: presentation, social roles and identity. If someone assigned as female at birth likes pink, for example, we associate pink as a “feminine” color and thus socially appropriate. If someone assigned as male likes pink, that individual may be bullied for liking a color associated with what the culture deems feminine. In this way, a person can use norms to present their gender to the world.

Gender identity, however, is invisible. It is the person’s idea of themselves. While it may be influenced by the society around them, it is often tested by questions like, “If there was no judgement, what would you want to look like?” Gender identity does not have to fit the presentation, social norms, or even the expectations of the person’s body. Someone can identify as a mix of genders, such as bigender, or feel they move between genders, such as gender fluid. They could even identify as having no gender at all, such as agender.

What is Transgender?

The term transgender, which is an adjective, is often used as an umbrella term to refer to people whose sex does not line up with their presentation and identity (among other characteristics, but naming just the two to help you get a basic understanding). For people whose sex, presentation, and identity line up, the term is cisgender. So, if you were born with a vulva and vagina, have always felt you were a girl or woman, and present yourself as such to society, you are considered a cis woman.

How to Ask About People’s Pronouns

So, although it may be human nature to be curious, being respectful means respecting people’s privacy. Do not ask people about their status or whether they plan to have surgery. Asking about their pronouns is OK. Also, give basic dignity and respect. If someone introduces themselves to you and says their name is Paula, but you had heard their name was Paul, this person is telling you their name is Paula. Just go with it. The only person who has the power to label you, is YOU!

LGBTQIA* Terms & Pronouns

So, let me share some general information about several terms the LGBTQIA* community uses which will make you a great ally. For starters, a binary system is something made up of two opposing parts. Gender (man/woman) and sex (male/female) are examples of binary systems.

Bisexual: A term that describes someone who is attracted to both men and women, or to more than one gender identity.

Gay: It is common for “gay” to be used by anyone who is attracted to their same sex or gender.

Gender Expression: How we express our gender identity on the outside.

Gender Identity: Our internal, personal sense of what our gender is. Everyone has a gender identity. You should also know the pronouns that can be used based on preference. They, Them, Theirs. He, Him, His. She, Her, Hers, Z. e, Hir, Hirs. Xe, Xem, Xyrs. Nothing. Yes, not choosing a pronoun is OK too.