The Royal Riyu: Lorelei Riyu fights for choice

By

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July 7, 2022

Lorelei Riyu is a model, mother and concerned woman–one who, like many other women, was deeply impacted by the United States Supreme Court’s recent decision to overturn Roe Vs. Wade.

With decades old protections of women’s reproductive health now endangered or gone altogether, Lorelei is joining the worldwide army of women who are fighting back; pledging to regularly donate a significant portion of her Chaturbate tip funds to groups that help women find safe and viable reproductive health services.

And, as with many acts of feminist rebellion, this one started with a spark of creative rage.

“I didn’t feel sad or scared or worried. I felt angry,” she said regarding her reaction to the Roe decision. “We seriously backtracked the progress of society. I have a son and a daughter who are just a few years from puberty and the “birds and the bees talk”. I can’t believe I’m going to have to tell them to be extra careful because unprotected and uneducated sex is so much more dangerous now. I’m going to be educating them on adoption and children in the system who want families. I hope I can teach them the importance of waiting with how expensive children and life, even without them is expensive and pressing.”

Riyu decided to take action.

“I’m so mad thinking about how many more back alley abortions there will be. How many suicides, how many rapes from those who just don’t care. Because that’s what this is too. People, not all, but people have a problem accepting the word “no”. For everyone telling women to just “wrap it or stop having sex”, it doesn’t work that way all the time, even if you convince yourself of that. That doesn’t stop the possibility of the worst happening, on both ends,” she said. “I don’t plan on stopping, ever. Being a camgirl is my full-time job, so I live off the tips I make, but I will never stop showing my support for this. I’m going to be taking tips two weeks out of every month and sending them off to camping sites to show support. Granted, I’m a small town lady, so my donations aren’t going to be immediately life changing, but I hope that no matter how much I make to be donated, that it helps to benefit a women’s life in the way that her government refuses to.”

Riyu is committed to her fight, on behalf of both her own children and women everywhere.

“As I stated, I have two children growing up into future adults and citizens of this country. I have to fight for their futures and their freedom, even if it’s from my home. I wish I could go to the protests out there and show support in person,” she said. “Several of my friends have had miscarriages. Several of my friends are so small that if they had children, it could potentially kill them. They shouldn’t have to endanger their own lives in order to fulfill whatever plan the government has brewing. I’m donating my tips to camping services in or around my area; not chosen any specific way, so if there’s a Facility that you would like to see get some donations, my messages are open. I don’t answer hate mail, so you can try, it won’t work.”

Riyu wants women in need to know that they are not alone.

“Don’t feel alone babes. The last thing you are is alone, look around you. I know things look so bad right now, but what we can do is get angry and fight for our freedom,” said Riyu. “Don’t let them take our voices but be safe about it. Don’t stop protesting. Let them hear you. Make them hear you. They’re supposed to work for us, not manipulate and control us. They’ve forgotten that and they need to be reminded.”

By visiting Chaturbate.com and visiting the channel watch “Thereal_Loreleiriyu” live on Chaturbate, you can take in a good show for a good cause.

“You can visit me on Chaturbate and help show support every weekday. I do two shows a day, can’t miss me if you tried. I have a good time no matter what. My room is built on good conversations, great music, and better vibes. I have viewers frequently tell me how much fun my room is,” said Riyu. “They love the throwback songs; they love the vibes I give off (and that’s because I’m goofy all around). I don’t judge one way or the other, but I don’t tolerate drama. My room has rules, they’re pinned to the top of my Twitter. Breaking those are about the way to get kicked, I don’t hesitate with disrespect to my room and my viewers, we’re all there for a good time, so let us have it.”

The Feminist Sexpert Says: Vote No on Throat

By

Megan Hussey

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June 14, 2023

pexels-andrea-piacquadio-3812746 — Photo found at Pexels, taken by Andrea Piacquadio

In the future, when a woman’s crying like that, she isn’t having any fun!–Louise Sawyer, a title character in the film Thelma and Louise–a film deservedly listed in the Library of Congress National Film Registry.

So last year commenced the 50th anniversary celebration for the film Deep Throat, a pornographic film credited with launching the ‘porno chic’ movement–a celebration in which the Feminist Sexpert did not take part, because she thinks the flick reeks. She wrote a column detailing the reasons behind her stance here.

Ah, but she’s not done yet.

Now comes the news that, to cap off the big ol’ Throaty Party, a campaign called #VoteThroat has been launched–a campaign that promotes the inclusion of the film Deep Throat in the Library of Congress National Film Registry.

In this column, I would like to address and refute the reasoning presented behind this campaign.

1. The Throaty Committee claims that, despite a stated goal to list a full spectrum of films from all genres, the Library of Congress has yet to include an X-rated film in its heralded registry. This is incorrect. Midnight Cowboy, Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song and Medium Cool all were rated X at the time of their release, as was Pink Flamingos–and all four are now featured in the registry. In fact, a number of sexually provocative movies are featured in this esteemed listing, including the aforementioned Cowboy, She’s Gotta Have It, Sex, Lies and Videotape, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Harold and Maude, Son of the Sheik, Jezebel, Mom and Dad, and many others.

This year alone, Dee Rees’ fantastic Pariah joins a handful of LGBTQA films to make the list.

It may be true that no pornographic film is featured in the registry–but why start with Deep Throat? The Feminist Sexpert, for example, would love to see Candida Royalle’s Femme, a movie that single handedly revolutionized the couples market and marked the inception of feminist porn as a marketable industry, on the list. Another likely candidate would be The Devil in Miss Jones, though I personally am not a fan. Andy Warhol’s Blue Movie was the first explicit sex film to be released nationwide in the United States. Boys in the Sand was the inaugural gay porno to receive a wide release. And Andrew Blake’s beautiful Night Trips was the first XXX film to win a top award at a mainstream international film festival.

2. They listed When Harry Met Sally. Why not Deep Throat? Sure. When I think of When Harry Met Sally, a wise, sweet, gentle romantic comedy, I also think of a porno movie about a woman who discovers that her clitoris is located in her throat.

But yes, the Throat Throng believes that, because of its featured and famous orgasm scene (I’ll have what she’s having and all that), new registry inductee When Harry Met Sally is comparable to Deep Throat. Here’s the problem: in her faked orgasm scene, Meg Ryan’s character of Sally was demonstrating just how easy it is for a woman to fake a climax; something far too many women do every day. In Deep Throat, by contrast, the audience is supposed to believe that the heroine gets her proverbial jollies solely from the performance of oral sex. In other words, just be a good girl and fall to your knees to please your man–only in this way will you find true happiness.

3. Deep Devotees insist that Deep Throat is woman positive, sex positive and fun to watch. This is the saddest, and most grossly inaccurate assertion put forth by the Throaters; that Deep Throat is a light-hearted, fun-loving film that makes a positive statement about women’s sexuality.

The movie’s star, Linda Lovelace, aka Linda Boreman, insisted for years that she was coerced into the making of the film Deep Throat–not by the film’s cast and crew, but by a manager husband who abused her for years.

Boreman’s story drew much support from legendary feminist Gloria Steinem, and credence from witnesses and the affirming results of several lie detector tests.

If you look beyond the blank eyes and childlike smile that she displays in the film, you see the bruises on her body. And as Roger Ebert stated in his brilliant review of Deep Throat, “It is all very well and good for Linda Lovelace, the star of the movie, to advocate sexual freedom; but the energy she brings to her role is less awesome than discouraging. If you have to work this hard at sexual freedom, maybe it isn’t worth the effort.”

And as far as being a peachy couples flick, well the immortal Ebert has an answer for that.
“The word just sort of got around: This is the first stag film to see with a date,” he wrote. “There were a lot of couples in the audience Sunday afternoon. Most of them, I thought, left the theater looking a little grim.”

Two points I will concede: Deep Throat exceeds 10 years in age. And it does indeed boast a female lead character–like the vast majority of porn flicks. Congrats on that.

The Feminist Sexpert herself never has attended a public showing of the film Deep Throat. She has, however, visited the film research room of the Library of Congress. When I was researching my book Ladies in Silver, a chronicle of women who worked behind the scenes in the silent film industry, I basked in the beauty and tradition of this hallowed hall–a place that people go to celebrate the very best in film.

Deep Throat has no place at the Library in Congress. Linda Boreman does have a place in history, but it was one for which she constantly had to fight.

During her appearance on the TV show Woman2Woman in 1984, Linda Boreman asked an adult theatre owner point blank, “Do you realize that whenever you show the film Deep Throat in your theater, that you’re showing me being raped?”

The woman said nothing for a moment before mumbling, “No, I don’t realize that at all.”

Then she looked away.

The Differences Between BDSM & Abuse

By

Bobby Morgan

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November 22, 2021

Finding My Dream Dom

I’m not the first and I certainly won’t be the last person to write about the differences between BDSM and abuse.

Years ago, I had actively sought out single Doms for relationships. I had a few good experiences that didn’t pan out for personal or compatibility reasons. I immediately weeded out a ton of dickheads and clueless wannabes before there was ever a hope of exchanging phone calls or meeting in person. I also chatted or met with about a half-dozen men who scared me so badly that I ended and blocked contact with them every way I knew how. They just wanted to verbally and/or physically abuse women.

I don’t mean to sound melodramatic about some of the horrible men I came across in my life. If I had the information and contacts that I have now about what is truly, safe, sane and consensual (SSC), I would have never let things get as far as they went. There’s a lot more good credible information available about BDSM now than when I was looking for the Dom of my dreams years ago, but I still see bad information floating around.

Some Subs Don’t Even Know They Are Being Abused

Ironically, some of the worst offenders are usually in some sub-to-sub online discussion forums where the most influential posters have no idea or refuse to believe that they’re being abused. They talk about large, deep patches of bruises and welts like badges of honor. They insist that they’ll do anything their Doms tell them to without question in order to make them happy. And I don’t think I have to explain how lots of people pick up “everything they know” about BDSM from the media, erotica and porn.

It’s easy for people to pick up mixed messages. On the surface, BDSM can look like abuse. Restraints and pain implements like whips, floggers and canes may be used to inflict pain but as long as it induces or incorporated with pleasurable sensual experience.

Terms like “humiliation” and “degradation” may be used, but only to push psychological limits in a controlled way with mutual sexual satisfaction. Words like “whore”, “bitch” and “slut” may be used to evoke a partner’s deeply buried and uncensored sexual side. But if you don’t feel like you’re getting a sexual thrill or feel good or liberated about taking part in activities like that, evaluate how you feel and what’s going on in your BDSM relationship in these following ways.

BDSM is based on consent. It’s not consent if…

You did not expressly give consent.
You were afraid to say “No”.
You say, “Yes,” to avoid conflict or to avoid consequences like losing a job or being outed.
You cannot withdraw consent and stop what’s happening at any time.
You cannot express limits and needs without being ridiculed, criticized or being coerced into relinquishing limits.

Tell-tales Signs of an Abuser Vs a Dom/me

A Dominant (a male Dom or female Domme) will take a submissive’s concerns seriously during or after a scene, even days or weeks after; an abuser will not.

A Dominant will take responsibility for any physical, emotional or mental trauma that arises during the course of play. An abuser will say abuse didn’t happen or will shift the responsibility for how a sub feels back to him or her.

A Dominant encourages a submissive to have contacts within in the BDSM community or anyone else in a submissive’s life. An abuser will limit or forbid a submissive to have contacts with others in or even out of the BDSM community.

A Dominant encourages a submissive to learn about BDSM. An abuser may forbid a submissive to learn about BDSM or even refuse to learn about BDSM him or herself.

A Dominant respects limits and pays immediate heed to safewords. An abuser may convince you not to use safewords, admonishes you for using safewords, or ignores safewords.

A Dominant may take control your behavior during the course of scene. An abuser may take control of your behavior at all times.

BDSM is enjoyed by all partners: fun, erotic, loving, and done with an understanding of trust. An abuser has no regard for enjoyment of his or her partner and feels entitled to obedience.

A Dominant learns what they do before they put it into action and will even talk about their learning and training. A Dominant will also show a submissive their favorite implements and talk about what they know about safety and how to handle emergencies before any kind of play ensues. An abuser gets dismissive, defensive or even angry when questioned about their BDSM knowledge, education, training or awareness of risks.

Dominants check on their submissives to make sure they’re okay during the course of a scene and even just after or even days afterward. Abusers have no concern for a submissive’s safety, comfort or enjoyment.

A Dominant intends to have a mutually enjoyable encounter; an abuser does not.

During bondage scenes, Dominants use safety clips and know how to release a submissive quickly. An abuser restrains victims with fear and intimidation.

BDSM is about the building of a trusting relationship between two consenting partners. An abuser will breach a submissive’s trust because he believes he’s entitled.

BDSM is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened people. Abuse is about the lack of respect or even straight-out contempt that one person demonstrates toward a submissive.

BDSM is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or humiliation for mutual pleasure. Abuse is out-of-control physical violence or emotional degradation that leaves a submissive feeling physically or emotionally wounded with no reward.

Negotiation occurs before a BDSM scene to determine what can and will not happen during the course of a scene. An abuser determines what will happen without input or consent from a submissive.

Each person involved in a BDSM scene is concerned about the needs and desires of others. An abuser doesn’t consider the needs of a submissive and may even insist that a submissive should like and enjoy everything inflicted upon them.

What to do if You Feel You are Being Abused

If any of these situations sound like what you’re dealing with, it’s time to reevaluate, renegotiate or walk away from the relationship. If you still have questions or doubt or need help getting out of an abusive relationship of any kind (the risk of abusive relationships is not limited to BDSM), call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Or go here: https://www.thehotline.org/

You can also find more information here at the Submissive Guide: BDSM Vs Abuse.

Keep in mind that there are lots of great Dominant men and women out there. Some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. They’ll be the first to tell you that respect and trust are earned; it’s a two-way street. They practice what they say with others in the BDSM community, their neighbors, their co-workers, the waitress who works at the corner diner, and, of course, their subs … just in a different way.

Curiosity and 9 other Sexy Secrets

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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June 25, 2022

ronny-sison-7PEyew3IQRI-unsplash — Photo by Ronny Sison

Communication

Communication is the key ingredient for a consistently successful relationship. Compliments are the bedrock of romance, so give your partner at least one compliment each day. We can communicate compliments by writing a love letter or a compliment on a piece of paper that your partner will find in their car, in their pocket or on their pillow. But my favorite way to communicate compliments is to make a video of yourself telling your partner all the things that you love about them.

2. Chemistry

Enhance your chemical attraction by finding areas of mutual interest and share desires. If you both like to dance, maybe that’s how you met, make sure you get out and dance once a week. If you like to hike, make sure you get outdoors. If you like to paint, do it together. Foster the areas of your life where there is good chemistry. What about doing couples Yoga to boost your intimacy and maintain your chemistry. I’m giving away my Sexycises video if you are interested in connecting with your partner, mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually. https://www.avacadell.com/products/

3. Curiosity

One of the most powerful ways to keep a relationship fresh is to treat it with a constant sense of curiosity. Be curious about his or her day. Be curious about new and exciting facets of your partner’s personality and share your turn ons and turn offs. Always be curious about the next step in your relationship as curiosity keeps the juices flowing and the chemistry exciting, so ask, “Tell me something I don’t know about you?” and see what you can learn from your partner’s answer.

4. Collaboration

View everything that happens in your life with your partner as collaboration so that there is a sense of togetherness even when you’re alone. Make a wish list of the things that you have always wanted to do together such as learning to Tango or Learning about Tantric Sex. Create a Bucket List together and collaborate on which ones you want to prioritize so that you can make plans, whether it’s to travel or remodel your home, this is a great way to work as a team. One of my favorite collaborations for couples is to go on a retreat together where you can boost emotional intimacy. So, if that’s on your bucket list, check out the upcoming events at www.LoveologyRetreat.com

5. Creativity

Try new things out. Take turns being responsible for bringing creativity into all areas of your life. Use your creativity for your date night. Take turns designing the date night. Instead of doing things that are predictable, explore something new to get your creative juices flowing from writing poetry, painting pictures, sculpturing, cooking, to learning how to strip for each other, playing sexy games, using pleasure products, sex and food or just making out in a new location.

6. Consideration

Do one thing for each other that is a considerate act, even if that’s making the bed, or clearing the dishes, picking up the kids, running a bubble bath, or giving your partner a foot massage without expecting anything in return. This will open the door to feeling more appreciated and validated, which can enhance your love life. The best way to be considerate is to put yourself in your partners shoes and better understand their emotional and physical needs.

7. Contribution

One of the most important aspects of being a couple is a sense of having a mission together. When a couple has the feeling there is a strong sense of moral purpose at the core of their relationship, the couple has more reasons to make the relationship work, and there is much more of a grounded spiritual nature. This is as important in the life of a couple as sexuality. Write a couples Mission Statement that includes your values and goals, then place it in a prominent place so that you can see it every day.

8. Commitment

Review commitments you have made in your life, especially towards each other. Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day to show your commitment by doing

something romantic. Why not renew your vows now? Share two vows that you and your partner are prepared to keep for the next month, such as giving each other a massage once a week or making love at least twice a week. I suggest writing down your vows and then displaying them somewhere that you will see them every day. I put mine in the bathroom.

9. Copulation

Practice “conscious copulation” in which the idea is not to have an orgasm, but to enjoy the journey as much as the destination by being 100% present and mindful while you make love. Copulate at different times, in different positions and locations to keep your love life spontaneous and exciting. Incorporate some erotic talk, oral copulation and power play dynamics for added more sizzle to your sex life.

10. Celebration

Couples who have a sense of celebration about their own lives and about their relationship don’t just survive, they thrive. Celebration is a life attitude, it’s not something you just go and do. It’s a way to approach life, and as a couple we need more and more opportunities for celebration. Find ways to celebrate, and you will find more reasons to stay together, and you will see each other in new and exciting ways.

Celebration implies play, a playful nature. A playful nature in a relationship will keep it fresh, young and exciting.

A Look Inside the Life of a Male Cam Model: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Drake Steel

By

Megan Hussey

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September 20, 2022

The term cam model evokes images of a being that is gorgeous, sensual, sexy, inviting…and female. Yep, Ladies, that bikini-clad chicksta broadcasting live from your fella’s computer screen is not his cousin Ida from Des Moines. And don’t let him tell you any different.

The good news is that most major adult fansites and chat sites do feature a good number of hot males just waiting to arouse and excite you. And The Feminist Sexpert has one right here. Am I good to you ladies or what?!

Meet Drake Steel, a model whose gorgeous looks and scintillating poses are showcased on Chaturbate and OnlyFans. His name alone is so darned cool. And even better yet, he happens to be a highly intelligent gent who truly respects women. Bonus!

FS: What first inspired you to become a model?

DS: I have always been interested in the adult industry at an earlier age, I always enjoyed satisfying myself as well as helping others satisfy themselves. I used to watch adult content pretty consistently and still do, while watching I would constantly think about what the culture is like when it comes to filming a scene or performing in a scene and how much fun it could be. I thought long and hard about going for it but due to being in school/college and wanting to finish that I held back until I found an outlet to pursue in my freshman year of college.

FS: How did you get into cam modeling?

DS: As I got into college I discovered Chaturbate and realized that they are people just like me. As I have been previously curious about getting into the adult industry I realized that Chaturbate was probably my best option to get into the Adult industry even if it was just for the experience and not really the money

FS: What do you feel that you bring to the adult audience that is new and different?

DS: What I think I bring to the Adult Audience is that I am always willing to try new things and branch out to explore new avenues, from new toys to changing my stream to appeal to my Audience more. I always try to interact with my audience and make sure they know that I want them to enjoy it as much as I enjoy performing. I want to better myself but also have my Audience enjoy the experience better, fine tuning my cam shows will always be a thing.

FS: How do you feel about the concept of women who enjoy visiting camming sites, and adult entertainment in general?

DS: Women that enjoy visiting cam sites and adult entertainment in general have my utmost respect, it is an industry built off the backs of the women who perform but has been geared towards men for the majority of time. As of now the industry is shifting and you see a lot of Adult Content that is geared towards female viewers; more emotional and sensual compared to the more straightforwardness of the act of sex more male geared adult content there is.

FS: If you could describe one of your cam shows to someone who had never seen it, what would you say?

DS: I strive to make everyone smile if they enter my show, either from horniness or hilarity. I want everyone to have as much fun as I do and I always try to make everyone feel included from start to finish.

FS: What other types of modeling and performing have you done?

DS: Other types of performing and modeling are minor compared to my cam work, I take pride in photographing myself and recording/editing my own videos. I would love to branch out into different areas such as meeting with other content creators or actually doing scenes, I always keep my options open.

FS: What are your future plans in the adult industry, and who would you like to work with and for?

DS: My future plans in the Adult Industry are to hopefully expand my cam show and develop it into a fine tuned piece of entertainment. Eventually I would love to get into doing scenes for major production companies but I have to climb that ladder first. Making content with other cam models/content creators is constantly on my list, all in all I am open to all experiences as long as it can help develop a good network and I can have fun doing it. An adult model that I would love to perform with (if the stars align) would have to be Madison Ivy, she puts so much emotion and oozes sexiness in every scene she is in, it is a long shot but a man can dream.

(Feminist Sexpert Note: Madison Girl, put this dude on your speed dial!)

FS: What advice would you give other males who wanted to become cam models?

DS: Any Male that is looking to be a cam model you should keep yourself open to all sides of cam shows, entertaining is a part of the game no matter the gender but always lookout for your best interests. Never get tunnel vision, you can continue to improve your show even when you think it is the best it can be. One last thing I would mention is once you dip your toes into it and enjoy it for what it is, go all in and embrace it, put in the work and you will see it pay off, just keep getting better day by day.

FS: List your links here.

DS: https://chaturbate.com/nutbust14180/
https://onlyfans.com/drake_steelxxx

Megan Hussey
Feminist Sexpert
Sexpert.Com

Debra Shade – 2024 ASN Awards Finalist

By

Debra Shade

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October 14, 2024

Oct Cover Feature Mag — Photo taken from: https://asn.asnlifestylemagazine.com/asnlm/202410/#p=1

Exciting News! Debra Shade – 2024 ASN Awards Finalist

I am thrilled to share that I have been chosen for the October 2024 cover and feature of ASN Lifestyle Magazine, a premier publication dedicated to the lifestyle community. The magazine is known for celebrating authenticity, wellness, and connection in every form, offering readers insights into healthy living, social behaviors, and sexual freedom.

ASN consistently pushes boundaries, tackling important issues around intimacy and self-expression while also providing tips for living your best life.

I would like for you to introduce myself to those who do not know me. I am an ABS Clinical Sexologist and owner of Shades Oasis, located in Columbus, OH.

At Shades Oasis, our pleasure education center bridges the worlds of sexual arousal and whole-body wellness, showing how intimacy is more than just physical—it’s essential for emotional and mental balance too!

In this feature, you’ll find details on how arousal and hormone release (think dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins) enhance your overall health and well-being. ASN has been a true leader in helping people explore these topics safely and with joy.

Dive into the latest issue for my full feature!

Catch the article on ASN and check out Shades Oasis and more about Debra

Don’t hesitate to reach out to me – it would be my honor to assist you in navigating this aspect of your sexual health and empowering you to experience the pleasure and fulfillment you deserve. debra.shade.youcanbook.me

To journal or not to journal? What’s Your Preference?

By

Ralph Greco

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March 3, 2021

pexels-pixabay-414551 — pexels by pixabay

Here we fall onto another one of those areas I can’t rightly advise you on from any true personal experience. I don’t journal. I don’t on a plane. In the rain. In a house with a mouse. I just don’t.

Do you? Have you never but have been thinking of starting? Have you heard your fellow writers espouse its virtues, friends prompting you, teachers assigning you to get to it for this semester? Maybe, you want to dip your toe into writing for the first time and feel this is a good way to begin?

Sure, get to it, I say.

Why don’t I Journal?

First of all, despite some high-school, and college creative writing teachers indeed assigning journaling to me, non-writers assuming I do it all the time, and plenty of well-intentioned folks giving me journals as gifts (and I’ve received some very nice ones, over the years) I’ve always felt that the writing I do pretty much during most of my day, is all the writing I want to do. I’m not talking about keeping a pad and pen handy at my bedside table, or in the car; I am constantly scribbling down ideas, turns of phrases, snippets of conversations I know might lead me into interesting territories for stories, etc. (and this practice of having pen and paper handy is one I can and do advise).

But the self-reflective ruminations that journals are supposed to pull from you (don’t get on my ass here, I know one can write anything they like into a diary, and I talking about diary-like scribbling here), I feel I’m already slipping that into my fiction, blogs, poems, plays and songs, especially my songs). I’ve always worried that, for me, journaling would lessen the vitality of my ideas or see me puking forth so often in a diary that I’d be too exhausted to write any of these thoughts in my ‘real’ writing.

Pretty much what I have against blogging for oneself or tweeting all day long.

Yes, I know the argument could be made that prompting a steady flow of stream-of-conscience writing keeps one better in touch with one’s emotions. That all writing keeps one’s writing muscles in shape. I can’t argue either point, but none of this is true for me, or more precisely, I am not going to start journaling now when I have never done it, and certainly have enough writing to keep me busy during the hours of the day when I am trying to earn my bread-and-butter money.

For some people, the only writing they ever get to, is what they manage when they journal. And being an old curmudgeon eschewing technology as often as I do, I certainly like the idea of putting pen to paper for whatever reason (I love how it so often shocks people to see me sitting in a Starbucks or some other over-priced too-cool-for-school coffee spot, working furiously on the papers of a manuscript, or actually reading an honest-to-goodness book!)

Really, it’s not for me to tell you to journal or not; if you have read any of this column before, you know by now I would never demand that a writer has to do this or that. Whatever gets you there, short of smoking crack or going out chopping up city sanitary workers, burying them in your basement and then writing what you feel is authentic serial killer short stories, is fine by me. (Actually, if you are smoking crack, that’s fine by me, but leave those city workers alone ok?)

To journal or not to journal, that’s up to you.

Dr. Ava’s Guide To Hot Oral Sex For Couples

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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November 16, 2023

pexels-rodolfo-clix-1161931 — Photo by Rodolfo Clix from Pexels

In Dr. Ava’s Guide To Hot Oral Sex For Couples, the question is asked, “Do you dream of oral sex?”

Lots of couples have sex, and lots of couples swap oral sex together at some point during their sexy time between the sheets. Still, many other people wish that their partner would perform oral sex on them and are sadly missing out on this delicious treat! Then there are others who think oral sex isn’t sex at all, but more like making out with other people’s genitals, but because there isn’t any “real” penetration, well it just isn’t sex. Then there are the ones who rush through oral sex thinking it is only foreplay, something to finish quickly like an appetizer before the big meal.

Well, oral sex IS all that, but much more.

And, if you want to keep your lover happy, oral sex is a very intimate, sexy way to do just that. In fact, it just may improve your overall relationship quality and spice up your love life as a side benefit!

Studies have shown that couples who give and receive oral sex more with their partners actually have a better relationship quality than those that don’t.

One reason for this, is that oral sex is all about giving pleasure to your partner selflessly without expecting a reward afterwards. Sure its great if your partner reciprocates (and hopefully they will!), but that shouldn’t be the main motivation. Oral sex should be about giving, so you can give your partner exquisite pleasure.

Another reason is that giving and receiving oral pleasure is very intimate. You can’t get that close to someone’s genitals without becoming very intimate with them. It is an act of love and devotion that shows your partner how much you love to make them feel good. It makes both partners feel more connected and helps them feel closer.

Women also need a lot of stimulation to the clitoris to reach orgasm. So, giving her oral sex is a good way to ensure she will get off. For men, oral sex is one of the top fantasies men have when it comes to the type of sex they enjoy most. For many of them it is as much about visual stimulation (seeing their erect penis between a set of sensual lips), as it is physical.

For queer couples, oral sex is a way to get intimate without penetration, which may not be possible or even desired. Oral sex evens the playing field so all couples regardless of gender can enjoy the pleasure and benefits from it.

Plus, did I mention that oral sex is super hot?

Okay, now that I have, let’s move on to ways to sexually pleasure your partner with these hot oral sex tips for couples.

Hot Oral Sex Tips for Couples:

Oral Sex Tips for Penises

Penises naturally seek out oral gratification. Soft warm lips wrapped around the bulbous head, a wet tongue dancing around as a smooth mouth sucks it deeper. For many penis owners this is the ultimate in pleasure.

Here are some oral sex tips and techniques to give to penis owners:

Always use your hands as an extension of your mouth.
Put their penis in the side of your mouth to prevent the “Gag Reflex.”
Try to keep eye contact with your lover while orally pleasing them.
Pump them up by squeezing their penis in the palm of your hand.
Use the tip of your tongue from side to side across their urethral opening.
Their Frenulum deserves extra licking, kissing, and gentle sucking.
Wrap your lips tightly around their Glans (head) and use plenty of suction.
Flick your tongue around their Coronal Ridge (around the base of the Glans).
Lick and lap their Raphe (underside/seam of his penis) with the flat of your tongue.
Change your rhythm from long, slow sucking to short, fast, milking action.
Shake and wiggle their penis in your mouth.
Hold the base tight while making spiral motions around the Glans.
Gently tug their Scrotum while sucking them from the shaft to the Glans.
Push on their Perineum (between the Anus and the Scrotum) while sucking.
Put your finger (palm up) inside their mouth, while giving them oral love.
Stroke their “Sacred Spot” (just inside the anus) while sucking.
For “Deep Throating” keep your head back and let them straddle you.
Stimulate their Glans with your index finger while you are sucking.
Suck on an ice cube prior to oral love.
Drink some hot liquid prior to oral love.
Make humming sounds during oral love for some extra vibration.
Discover their Prostate area with your finger while sucking their Glans.
Rub fruits and juices on them and lick them off.
Put their penis between your breasts (cleavage fornication) for variety.
Wrap beads around their scrotum tugging gently while sucking.
Stroke their penis lovingly with your hair and your face.
Gargle with mouthwash or suck on a mint prior to oral love for a tingle.
Don’t change your rhythm just before they climax unless they asks you to.
Ask them how they want to be sucked; gently, hard, slow, fast, deep…
Enthusiasm is more important than technique!

Oral Sex Tips for Vulvas

Giving and receiving oral sex can make some people feel inhibited about their own genitals. It can also be intimidating having someone look at you down there and your mind may be filled with fear of what you smell like, taste like, and look like. But believe me, when you find someone you love and trust, oral sex will be one of the most intimate and erotic acts within a loving adult relationship.

Here are some oral sex techniques and tips to give to vulva owners.

The clitoris is more sensitive so use less pressure to begin with.
Kiss and lick the inside of their thighs to create sexual anticipation.
Explore the entire Vulva (outside of the vagina) with circular tongue motions.
Suck on their labia (vaginal lips) gently.
Long lapping motions with your tongue from their vaginal opening to their clitoris.
Use a pointy tongue all around the clitoris but not directly on it.
Write numbers on their entire Vulva area with your tongue, then the alphabet.
Slip one or two fingers inside their vagina as you gently lick their clitoris.
Use a stiff tongue to lick their clitoris from side to side.
Make humming sounds with your lips so they vibrate as you kiss the clitoris.
Stroke their perineum (between the anus and vaginal opening) while sucking gently on their clitoris.
Never rub or insert anything sugary in a woman’s vagina because it will cause infection.
Draw them closer by lifting their buttocks and kissing their vagina just as you would their mouth.
Alternate pressure with your tongue as you lick long and short strokes from the anus to the clitoris.
Insert a fingertip into their anus as you lick their clitoris.
Gently pull their labia majora apart (outside lips) and lick the labia minora (inside lips) with the tip of your tongue.
Nuzzle your face in their mound and brush your lips and nose over their clitoris.
Insert your tongue into their vaginal opening with quick pointy motions.
Flick your tongue over the clitoris alternating from up and down and side to side.
When they is on the verge of orgasm, make your lips into an O and take their clitoris in your mouth sucking gently.
Insert one or two fingers and discover their G-spot while licking their clitoris.
Lick the entire vulva like an ice cream cone with lapping motions.
Use your tongue like a snake sliding and twisting it inside the vagina slowly, then fast.
Suck on some ice before licking the vagina for a cool sensation.
Drink some hot liquid and then suck and twirl your hot tongue over their vulva.
Don’t change the rhythm of your motion when they are climaxing.
Don’t stop immediately after they have climaxed. Keep going until they tell you to stop.
Ask them how and where they wants you to lick, kiss and suck them. Get them to direct you.

Final Words

Try these tips and techniques to bring more intimacy and sizzle into your relationship. Oral sex, if performed enthusiastically and with consent, can be an integral part of your whole sexual repertoire as a couple and an enjoyable part of any healthy sexual relationship.

Having a varied menu of sexual activities, including oral sex, to go to keeps a relationship hot, fun and exciting.

And, if you feel you are not that good at it yet… Remember that practice… practice… practice makes perfect!

Secrets to Self Love & Self Pleasure (aka Masturbation)

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

September 4, 2021

pexels-mikhail-nilov-6944342 — Photo by Mikhail Nilov @Pexels

What is Self-Love?

Self-Love: What do you think is the most common, universal sexual issue? No, it isn’t penis or breast size, but it is the attitude looming behind your physical attributes that counts more than what you look like. And that manifests itself by causing us to feel inhibited. Inhibition begins with that old bugaboo “lack of self-worth”.

Anyone who grew up on this planet has experienced this loss of self-esteem and self-value. It has many causes, from family conflicts to society’s ills. What matters now is giving yourself a positive self-perception. You’ve earned it. You deserve it.

Lack of self-worth isn’t an item that stands alone like a crooked nose or big feet. Our self-worth affects every area of our lives across the board. It’s an awful thing to feel. In fact, often we run from feeling it and its shame-based origins. We overeat, overindulge, overspend – anything to keep from feeling bad about ourselves. A lack of self-worth can cause us to spiral down into the pits before we realize what’s happening.

As one man once said to me: “I can sure dig myself into a hole with very little effort”. Self-esteem affects one’s confidence, ability to have positive relationships, career success, self-assertion and self-expression. Low self-worth can stop us in our tracks and keep us petrified of experiencing life and its myriad pleasures.

Know Thyself

Everyone is inhibited about something, whether it is physical appearance, performance as a lover or the ability to let go and have an incredible orgasm with their partner. Some people are so inhibited about sex they have never explored their bodies to discover their erogenous zones. And if they don’t know what arouses them, they surely cannot communicate it to a partner.

Statistics show that over 78% of women have never explored the inside of their vagina. This is sad, because knowledge equals power. It’s imperative to be aware when your body is feeling different, especially when it comes to examining the breasts for possible lumps. I would like to encourage women to feel the inside of their body, probe and get to know their cervix, learn to recognize when they are ovulating and note any changes in bodily stimulation and emotions.

Women need to familiarize themselves with bodily secretions, as well, and what they mean.
Self-pleasuring is a good tool for utilizing fantasy to overcome inhibitions. In fact, there are many good reasons for pleasuring one’s self. It feels good. You can explore your own sexual response patterns. You can enjoy sex without feeling desperate for a partner. You can relieve tensions. For women, you can relieve pelvic congestion, especially during
menstruation. Masturbation is also an excellent way to reenter into sexual activity after a heart attack or other medical problem. People who feel good about pleasuring themselves are much less likely to have sexual problems. If you take responsibility for your sexual needs and responses, you are likely to make a good sexual adjustment. Let’s take a look at some of the self-pleasuring myths and realities.

Self-Pleasuring Myths

Self-pleasuring causes insanity, headaches, blindness, nosebleeds, nymphomania and warts.
Too much self-pleasuring is harmful.
Self-pleasuring is unnatural.
Pleasuring yourself is immature.
Self-pleasuring is for simple-minded people.
Self-pleasuring is a substitute for sexual intercourse.
Self-pleasuring is socially unacceptable.
You may begin to prefer self-pleasuring to intercourse.

Self-Pleasuring Realities

No evidence exists that self-pleasuring causes physical or mental problems.

It is a healthy way to take responsibility for your own orgasm.
It is an excellent way to learn about your sexual responses so you can share them with your partner.
Intercourse with a partner and self-pleasuring are complementary sexual experiences.
Many sexually active people who have available partners still enjoy self-pleasuring.

Far from being an “unnatural” act, self-pleasuring is a very natural function. It is healthy both psychologically and physiologically. And there is no “normal” rate associated with self-pleasuring; frequency varies enormously from one person to the next. Some people fantasize while pleasuring themselves, others don’t.

And there is no “right” or “best” way to have an orgasm or to masturbate. Some people reach a climax quietly while pleasuring themselves; others thrash about and make a lot of noise. These aspects vary greatly, and are not judgmental criteria.

Masturbation and Children

It is also natural for children to masturbate out of curiosity and for pleasure. Guilt results only when a child is told by others that self-pleasuring is wrong. It is important for parents to become as well informed about sex as possible, so we can all convey healthy sexual values to our children, clearly and effectively.

Overcoming Inhibitions

Self-pleasuring offers a great exercise in overcoming inhibitions. Looking at your genitals as you masturbate (either directly or in a mirror can help you to notice the different parts as they really are, rather than how textbooks portray them. It will also help you to gain self-acceptance about your body and how it functions sexually.

In a relationship, self-pleasuring takes the pressure off the partner to perform at times of stress or during a temporary change in lifestyle. Even in the best of unions, sexual tastes can vary and one partner may need more activity than another. Self-pleasuring can provide a healthy release between love-making sessions when both partners are desirous of sex.

Self-love and self-pleasuring are the first natural steps to a healthy sexuality. It is so vital to develop a loving, patient and understanding attitude toward one’s self, and to learn to pleasure one’s self, so each of us can bring that knowledge and caring into a union with our everlasting love.

Male Sexuality

Men have been taught to rigidly conform to cultural myths about themselves and their sexuality. If they don’t live up to those myths, they incur much guilt and negative feelings. As cartoonist Dan O’Neill once said in jest, “In the beginning, God created man… and his penis.”

Men worry unnecessarily about the size of their penis, when in fact the size of a man’s heart is much more important to a woman. If men have difficulty in achieving the standards of maleness, they have been told to remain silent and bear the load. The limits imposed by these unrealistic standards have inhibited men from exploring and fulfilling the total range of sexual options.

Below is a list of unhealthy myths and societal messages men get:

DO: perform, get it up, keep it up, achieve, always be turned on, be a sex machine, control, have sex only with young attractive women, give women orgasms, have a big penis, hide your feelings of fear, inadequacy, rejection or helplessness.

DON’T: quit, fail, feel, be vulnerable, be weak, be receptive, be passive, take responsibility for birth control.

The above DO’s and DON’Ts are not attractive to women, so why must they be perpetuated on men? To achieve a full and satisfying sex life, men need what women need: self-knowledge, facts, options, techniques and honesty. The two genders are not so different in their basic wants and desires.

Female Sexuality

The confusing sexual messages women get from society’s projected attitudes are equally as damaging, if not more so. During childhood and adolescence, women are often taught to fear sex, which manifests in the following:

DON’T: touch “down there”, talk about sex, learn about sex, read about sex, get turned on, give in to sexual desire, be available, kiss on the first date, feel sexual, be too forward.

However, women are expected to hide their womanly wiles behind an attractive, mannequin-like pose and do the following:

DO: be attractive, be obedient, be passive, be sensitive, be loving, be nurturing, maintain a “good” reputation, wait for the male to initiate, expect the man to know all about sex, refuse a man when he asks you to be sexual.

As if these weren’t enough, women are bombarded with other cultural messages as well:

Sex is only for men’s pleasure and for making babies
You aren’t allowed to have sex until you’re married.
You should only have sex with men.
Your only goal is to please your man.
You should only share love with one person during your life.
Sex is dirty; sexual desires are bad.
Only the missionary position is right; any other sexual position is kinky.
You must not have sex during your period.
Never reveal that you are sexually experienced, even if you are.
Fake your orgasm, if you can’t reach one.
Your naked body is shameful and embarrassing.
Women shouldn’t be too successful, especially in sex.
It is selfish and demanding to want clitoral stimulation.
Foreplay isn’t necessary because intercourse is the goal of sex.
You must have a perfect, “hourglass” figure, or super model skinny or insert “ideal” social acceptable body-image type HERE.
You should always be naturally lubricated.
Birth control is the woman’s responsibility.
You must have sex when your partner demands it, not when you want it.
You must climax together.
You need a man to be whole.

You aren’t doing it correctly until you have a “vaginal” orgasm. (This is attributed to Sigmund Freud, who said that women have two kinds of orgasm: 1. clitoral, which is immature, and 2. vaginal, from penile thrusting, which is the “right”, mature kind of orgasm.)

Can all of these sweeping statements be true? If our genitals are as valuable as priceless rubies, why are they spoken of as “dirty”? If sex is so beautiful, why do people shame it? If sex is a no-no before marriage, then how can we be expected to perform perfectly and know everything about it on the wedding night?

It is no wonder that women are often as confused as men about sex; feel guilty, alone and worried; are uncomfortable with their bodies; are waiting for IT to happen; are masturbating in secret, if at all; and are worried about whether their genitals smell and taste normal.

Society’s messages are obviously ignorant, and have been handed down to us from times when people just didn’t deal with “such matters”. It is up to each woman to establish her own sexual values, and overcome the taboos with self-knowledge, creating options, being honest with herself and others, knowing the facts, learning techniques, and sharing her needs with others.

The Clitoris!

The clitoris was designed to open sexual doors for women, literally. The very word, “clitoris”, derives from the Greek word for “key”, as in the key to female sexuality. It opens women up to pleasure. And for a woman to revel in and thoroughly enjoy sex, her mind must be in the right place and not constantly fighting the negative messages above. The clitoris has its own rhythm and will not be rushed. A woman must have a connection from her brain, and the fantasies it activates, to her clitoris; thereby taking responsibility for her own satisfaction. If her mind is in harmony with her clitoris, she is moving with her own sexual rhythm.

Safe Sex:

Ironically, our sexual knowledge is expanding at a time in which there is extreme concern about sexually transmitted diseases. As much as we may desire to experiment and free ourselves of sexual taboos, it is equally important to be sexually responsible, both to ourselves and others. AIDS, caused by infection with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus
(HIV) is considered the most serious health crisis of the century. More than 30 million people worldwide are now living with the AIDS virus, and about 16,000 new victims are infected every day. To date, it has no cure. If you get it, not only will your sex life be over, so will the rest of your life. We must also be equally cautious about other known sexual diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea chlamydia, genital herpes and warts, and trichomonas. Even though treatable, these latter two can cause serious health problems.

The Sexual Revolution is NOT Over!

The “sexual revolution” is not over, because each generation is showing more eagerness to explore healthy sexuality. This is no time to retreat from sexual expression, but rather to become as responsible about it as you would if you were learning mountain climbing. All over the world, people are protecting their health by using erotic sexual techniques that prevent or greatly reduce the possibility of infection. Some of these include tasty condoms, spermicide and gels for oral pleasures.

A “safe sex” approach to lovemaking means finding ways to remain uninfected no matter what your sexual lifestyle may be. It is not a time to crawl back into the closet and wait for the “sexual crisis” to be over. However, it is a wonderful time to explore the joys of monogamy and growing more deeply close to one partner. Couples may enjoy exploring ways to keep a closed relationship vital and adventurous while protecting their sexual health.

For those who are sexually active and not monogamous, there are many techniques such as mutual self-pleasuring and “outer course” as different from “intercourse”. These include flirting, communicating, cuddling, tender kissing and massaging. The most important thing to remember is to avoid the exchange of bodily fluids, and that the most erotic organ is the brain!

Achieving the Ultimate Through Sex

I like to believe that in the new millennium sex will rise to new heights as a healing
energy between partners. Many ancient cultures knew well the tremendous power of sex when combined with love. Perhaps we should look to that ancient advice in creating our future views of sex as an ultimate pleasure in partnerships. What were the great mystics trying to tell us about sex and spiritual union? Sexual ecstasy with our “soul mate” is the attunement with our life force that we all wish to find.

How many single people place ads that read, “I’m looking for my soul mate”? Deep down inside we wish for that comfort in spiritual, mental, emotional and physical closeness with another, and sex is one of the most binding aspects of it.

Self-Love Is the Ultimate Kind of Love

What is the ultimate in sex but a glistening sense of self-worth and self-love afterward? We feel we can conquer the world when our home fires are burning!

As we grow healthier in our body and mind, our sexual selves will grow too. And that can refurbish and replenish our desires, renew our strengths and minimize our weaknesses. Sex can, and should, be discussed without judgment. A healthy attitude toward sex, free from guilt and secrecy, and a hearty body, a curious mind and a happy heart will open up new sexual vistas for the human race in the decades to come.

Why Women Choose Masturbation Over Sex: Is it More Fun

By

Valeriam Vincent

-

May 10, 2023

Whether there is a partner or not, sometimes lying in bed desire like a flood swept you will masturbate? The advantages of masturbation and general sex are different and bring different good feelings, so what are the benefits of masturbation than having sex?

The threshold is very low

Boyfriend? No need, Contraceptive measures? No need, complicated position changes? No need. You don’t even need to care how another person is feeling before and after you do it to embrace the most comfortable time of sexual bliss. Masturbation requires very little preparation, as long as a bed, a few comfortable pillows, and sometimes sex toys are also very good options. If you have not used the gadgets, then I recommend you try the rose adult toy, definitely give you a wonderful masturbation.

Just need to please yourself

The trouble with sex is that it is also considered a kind of human interaction, you need to take into account the feelings of another person. In order not to let each other sad, you may have to tell a little lie, pretend to scream or perform a little orgasm, the end of the whole round with a stage play as tired.

But masturbation is different, you only need to please yourself is enough, when to start and when to end, the pace can also be controlled. You don’t have to worry about the little embarrassment at the end of the day, you don’t have to worry about being turned down for sex, and you don’t have to go through all the trouble of dressing up beforehand.

Yes, some people are so unlucky to run into one or two unqualified bed partners, infected with STDs and still have sex with you. Although sometimes the other party is also quite innocent, may be inadvertently in the dirty public toilet infected, but in the end is the two people together bad luck. When masturbating, you don’t have to worry about the risk of contracting a disease! Unless you do not clean the prop, it is basically quite safe and hygienic.

You know your own body best

Yes, you are your own master, you know how to make yourself climax, where the sensitive zones are located, do not need to bother to guide another person to reacquaint yourself with your body.

Because fantasy is always much better than reality

You know, when masturbating, you can put any object you like in your head, but when sleeping with someone else, it’s embarrassing if you can’t help but call them by the wrong name! If you have a good sex life with your significant other, of course, it’s good, but if it’s not that enjoyable, it’s better to have a little fantasy on your own than to flunk the sex.

If you haven’t tried to enjoy masturbation, you haven’t enjoyed the best part of your life! Anyway, it’s great to be able to make your beloved partner feel happy through sex, but also to pamper yourself at the right time, after all, like masturbation is so simple and low cost to enjoy the act of orgasm, everyone should try it! If you have a need for sex toys can go officialtherosetoy to buy.

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In Dr. Ava’s Guide To Hot Oral Sex For Couples, the question is asked, “Do you dream of oral sex?”

Hot Oral Sex Tips for Couples:

Oral Sex Tips for Penises

Oral Sex Tips for Vulvas

Final Words

What is Self-Love?

Know Thyself

Self-Pleasuring Myths

Self-Pleasuring Realities

Masturbation and Children

Overcoming Inhibitions

Male Sexuality

Female Sexuality

The Clitoris!

Safe Sex:

The Sexual Revolution is NOT Over!

Achieving the Ultimate Through Sex

Self-Love Is the Ultimate Kind of Love

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