Games You Shouldn’t Play

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You’ve beat the odds and have landed a relationship. Chemistry is there, you’re having long conversations and occasionally when you accidentally touch, sparks fly between you. This is the honeymoon phase of a blossoming relationship. It takes work to build a healthy relationship. A lot of times, we put in the wrong work and wreck our relationships before they even have a chance. Some of us may be afraid when the relationship starts to get too serious. Some of us may even self-sabotage the relationship so that they are “shielding” themselves from hurt.

This is a behavior pattern that you can break. You can stop working harder by playing games that cause issues in the relationship. Games lead to wedges that block growth in a relationship. Folks have literally walked away from each other because of their interpretations of the meaning of the games people play. Instead, take deep breaths and practice a form of communication that makes a person feel powerful; physically, and emotionally. Such power drives the attraction that is between you.

If a person is attracted to you physically and emotionally, there is no need to play games, or this could be your last first kiss. Imagine allowing yourself to be happily involved with this individual as time goes on. You must find a way to keep them interested far, far into the future. Don’t be afraid of this… don’t ruin it with games. They should be doing the same thing. Thus, fulfilling your needs.

For example, be strong and tease them, challenge them and be adventurous about what you do together. If they are smart, argue with them a little but not constantly. Banter can be fun and informative. There is a difference between confrontation/disagreement and jest. Instead of coming of as argumentative, you will appear strong and engaging. In the same vein, you must find that perfect balance with tension in the relationship.

Every relationship has some level of tension. The line between healthy tension and relationship strangulation is the feeling you have in your gut when you interact with the person. Never go slack, keep up banter that solicits positive responses. Don’t do things that are slightly annoying just to get a response. You need to balance tension by drawing out a response you want by doing things that indirectly trigger it. Sexual tension requires a balance as well. Sexually you can go in for a kiss, hover over their lips and then stop, smile and pull away. The unfulfilled connection will raise a person’s arousal levels. Keep them sexually interested in you.

Don’t play bored if you’re not. This is not attractive, and the goal is to build up attraction to create a long-lasting relationship. If you are predictable, you will be perceived as boring and quick. Don’t play games about being engaged or active in the relationship. If you want them to think your boring, for whatever reason, don’t be upset to see the relationship end.

This is the same as control.

Being over controlling is never fun. No one wants to be controlled and if you play games at “dominating” or “controlling” them, you may find yourself alone again. Same as agreeing with everything they say. “What ever you want to do baby.” This gets old quick. Individuals enjoy dating people who have opinions, likes and dislikes and they enjoy learning about you. If you’re trying to keep building attraction, you need to speak up and have your own thoughts and dislikes.

Qualities that make you date worthy are confidence, strength, personality traits, and what kind of relationship you are looking for. By playing games you come off completely the opposite and your mate will most likely lose interest. This includes your ability to maintain basic physical fitness and proper grooming. These things add to your physical attractiveness and what you bring to the table.

To create a connection, you also must consider the psychological attractiveness. If you play mind games, you are breaking a connection before it has a chance to grow into something special. For long-term and emotionally intimacy, your focus should not be on trying to get the person to behave how you want them to, you must be open to allowing them to be themselves and bring their true selves to the relationship. Developing psychological attractiveness involves learning the skills to develop rapport through conversations. Conversations that are forward moving and not stagnant because of things that you are doing to throw a monkey wrench into the mix.

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Debra Shade is a Clinical Sexologist, Master Sexpert and Author. She travels cross country, pushing boundaries in her hands-on workshops, exploring sexuality and all of its kinks. She lives in Columbus, OH where for 8 years, she has hosted events and opportunities for individuals 18+ to learn about modern day sex education and their own sexual expression. She consults individuals and couples to their most orgasmic experiences through results driven consultations. Visit here at- &



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