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Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

Explore sexpert articles from our top sex educators.

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The Five Things That Make The Modern-Day Gentlemen’s Cabaret: As Seen In Ricks Cabaret New York

By
Ralph Greco
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Photo fromhttps://www.ricksnewyork.com/

Littered across the landscape, any of us could find a good old strip club probably within a twenty-minute ride of our homes. But a high-end gentlemen’s cabaret is a little harder to find and indeed caters to fans of a more refined kind of entertainment. One of the clubs on the high end of this scale, refined to the point where it is listed on the NASDAQ, is Rick’s Cabaret New York.

Photo from https://www.ricksnewyork.com/gallery/

With a few tidbits from some of Rick’s girls and an overview of this high-end scene, we quickly learn five things that make the modern-day gentlemen’s cabaret the unique place that it is.

“Any way you want to experience your experience is fine with us,” Rick dancer Vanessa says with a giggle. “From the men who sit sipping one of our nightly drink specials, just watching, to one of my regulars paying for multiple lap dances, we don’t care how you want to enjoy Rick’s. But we will make sure you enjoy your time with us.”

Photo from https://www.ricksnewyork.com/gallery/

Indeed, there are lots to partake of in a club like Rick’s; one could enjoy a cigar while sitting on the open-air roof deck, grab something to eat from the club’s steakhouse late-night menu…and watch the girls dance. So, #1 one on the list of what makes the modern-day gentlemen’s cabaret is…there is lots of ways a guest can enjoy their time in the club.

“At any given night, you will find over one hundred girls entertaining here,” Miranda offers. “But with so much space, the club is comfy but never crowded, ya know?” 

Point #2: A well-attended cabaret is a comfortably appointed cabaret.

“We are one block from ‘The Garden,’ right in the heart of New York City,” Natalia enthuses. 

Not every gentleman’s cabaret can boast such an iconic location, as Rick’s is indeed one block from Madison Square Garden.

Photo from https://www.ricksnewyork.com/gallery/

Point #3. Location.

Open late night, every night, until 4 am, which Rick’s is, makes a club of this kind so attractive to guests coming in, as much from work, as wanting to unwind for a full night of revelry and care-free entertainment.

Lastly—and again, not something every gentlemen’s cabaret will come to—is Reputation. Rick’s has undoubtedly earned its top spot in the litany of clubs of the kind. While there are certainly a bunch of high-end strip clubs wearing the monitor of gentlemen’s cabaret, not all have years of a sterling reputation under their belt.

Enjoy your search for whatever entertainment most interests you. Just know there is a wide variety of types of clubs out there where women take off their clothes, and one of them, representing the high end of the scale, is Rick’s Cabaret New York.

 

 

Jelqing to Extend Sex & Play for Penis Owners

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Victor from Pexels

Your Sexual Performance

You’re in the best sex session of your life and you begin to lose your stamina and energy. You find yourself breathing heavily to catch your breath and its not pleasure panting. Suddenly, the event is over and your partner is laying there wondering what happened. Finding yourself sitting on the side lines is not surprising if you have low stamina.

You may be experiencing premature ejaculation or some form of erectile dysfunction.

Regardless of the size of the penis, you will be able to provide both vaginal and anal pleasure if you have stamina. Penis health is important when it comes to playing. The healthier your penis, the better your orgasm and the longer you can last and give greater pleasure to your playmates.

So, let’s talk about how to get more stamina!

What is Jelqing?

There are penis exercises that can make you a better lover. You may not know personally but there are many types of penis problems that can lead to softer erections. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are two examples. Studies have shown that there are penis exercises that you can do to create a harder erection. Penis exercises (also called “jelqing”) and help to increase sexual stamina. It can improve orgasms, testosterone, sperm production and the possibility of elongation and girth to your penis. Jelqing is the exercise of stretching the penis which helps make the penis thicker.

There are devices that are effective in making the penis bigger, but you can do this for yourself in the privacy of your home by Jelqing.

Jelqing : Safety First

Be careful as Jelqing can be harmful if you don’t do it right. Just don’t be too aggressive and bruise your penis while you’re doing these exercises. Some say the whole point of Jelqing is to make the penis larger. However, no evidence exist that reflects how successful this practice is at adding length or girth to the penis.

It increases the length of the penis when its flaccid and erect and it makes the erections last longer. Again, it’s safe if you are not squeezing too hard, too often or too aggressively. Worst cases, this kind of damage can permanently affect the ability to get or stay hard. Look for bruising or skin irritation from rubbing. Pay attention to pain or soreness along the shaft and adjust your massage. Use some lube, something to make it nice and slippery so that you create less friction.

The point of Jelqing is to massage gently and move blood throughout your tissues. So, be smart with it. Stop doing it if it is painful or uncomfortable in any way. Try leaning against a wall or table or sit down. It is not recommended to do the exercise more than once a day and you should talk to your doctor if you plan to do them for longer periods of time.

How to do Jelqing

How exactly do you do it? Here’s how you can build up your stamina and hardness.

To begin with, masturbate until you are 2/3 of the way hard, but not a full erection. This is because if you are fully erect, blood is already flowing through the penile tissue filling the tissues with blood.

1. Start by standing with your legs comfortably apart and gently pull the extra skin at the base of the penis when flaccid to stretch the penile ligaments and tissue. This is particularly effective after a warm shower or bath.

2. Put your index finger and thumb in an O shape, like the “okay” hand signal.

3. Place the O-shaped gesture at the base of your penis.

4. Make the O smaller until you put mild pressure on your penis shaft.

5. Slowly move your finger and thumb toward the head of your penis until you reach the tip. Reduce the pressure if this feels painful.

6. Loosen your grip at the tip. It should take you about 3 to 5 seconds from base to tip.

7. Repeat this once per day for about 20 minutes.

To see results, you need to do this exercise, however the results depend on how consistent you jelq and what your technique is. The continuation of this practice is different for everyone. Remember, use lots of lubricant like a coconut oil or boy butter. Three times a week is sufficient, if you experience soreness or bruising, stop doing it immediately as you can fracture the penis.

When your penis is in good health, you don’t have to exert so much energy. The next time you will notice more stamina and that your penis may seem longer and harder. These are perks so get to Jelqing.

 

Your Femdom Guide to HypnoKink and Erotic Hypnosis

By
Domina Doll
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Using Erotic Hypnosis and HypnoKink as a BDSM Tool for Femdom Mistresses

In this article you will learn what erotic hypnosis and hypnokink are and how you can use them with your slaves/submissives/subjects or in your professional practice as a tool in your BDSM tool box.

I am Mistress Carol.  I am a hypnosis professional and I’ve been creating erotic hypnosis sessions for more than ten years.  I am also a clinical hypnotherapist. More than 4,000 clients have enjoyed my erotic hypnosis recordings and my work is termed by many as the best on the Internet, via my site that features erotic hypnosis for men.

What is Erotic Hypnosis?

Erotic hypnosis is hypnosis with an added sexual component.  Erotic hypnosis is an excellent addition to BDSM scenes because it is a true mental power exchange, one in which the subject opens the private areas of the mind that are normally kept hidden from others.  It can be used prior to physical play to enhance submissive feelings or feelings of helplessness and surrender.  It can be used to create mental fantasy that engages their mind in a greater kinky capacity.  It can be used to put your sub at ease or to train them to submit better to your desires.  It can create greater sensitivity to stimuli.  The list is long and large and with a willing sub hypnosis can enhance BDSM play in many different ways.

How can I use hypnosis during BDSM play?

You have a session scheduled.  You are already on his mind and in his mind.  He’s been thinking about you nonstop with the anticipation building.  He walks in.  You blindfold and bind him.  He has no choice but to listen to everything you tell him.  His senses have been diminished by the blindfold.  His arousal is skyrocketing by his helplessness.  You are taking him into trance, filling him with suggestions about who he is becoming for you now, your helpless slave, your pretty sissy, your subject on his knees worshipping the ground you walk on.  The use of hypnosis in BDSM play is as vast as your imagination.

But, how do you get to this point?

Where to start

A lot of what I tell you today may seem a little simplistic but hypnosis really isn’t complicated.  Hypnosis is a combination of relaxation, decreased awareness of surroundings, focused awareness on the hypnotist and increased suggestibility.  All of this is brought about by the use of language and association.

The anatomy of a trance typically consists of four parts, the induction, the deepener, the body and the wakener.  Following is a brief introduction of them.

What is an induction?

The hypnotic induction is where you lead your subject into a hypnotic trance state, guiding your subject away from consciousness and into the realm of their subconscious mind.  There are many different methods to do this depending on the structure of the trance you want to create for your subject.  A few widely used inductions are progressive relaxation, conversational, confusion, eye fatigue, the Dave Elman induction, count down, etc.  The Internet is full of information for those wanting to learn more about hypnosis and hypnotic techniques and for choosing those that techniques that resonate with you and you enjoy using.  Plus, the purchase of a few good books on hypnosis will help your education immensely.

What is a deepener?

Once you have induced trance, you may want to drop your subject even more deeply into it.  Your subject continues to simply fall deeper into hypnosis as you guide him down even further.  Association works very well in developing your deepeners.  I like to use the “dungeon” scenario and as my subject is “walking down the long ominous dimly lit hallway to my dungeon door, each step is pulling him deeper and deeper”.  Be creative.  Have fun with it.

Every subject enters into hypnosis differently but a few telltale signs of a good depth of trance are slack facial muscles, eye twitching, body twitching, and slow steady breathing.

What is the body in hypnosis?

The body of a hypnotic trance is the portion of trance where something is accomplished.  What is it you want to suggest to your subject inside of hypnosis for you?  Do you want to plant a “trigger” a subconscious reaction he responds to such as “every time I snap my fingers you bark like a dog” or “you will wake with an overwhelming desire to kiss my feet”?  Keep in mind that the responses you receive must resonate within your subject’s moral boundaries.  You cannot make anyone do anything in hypnosis they would not do out of hypnosis.  And the success of your suggestions depends on the suggestibility level of your subject.  I’ll get into that a little more below.

What is a wakener?

A wakener is just that.  It’s a method of bringing your subject out of trance.  “When I count to three you will wake, coming all the way out of hypnosis”.  Boom.  Done.  Not quite yet.
Something to keep in mind when you bring someone out of a hypnotic state is the subconscious mind is still open.  A state of suggestibility still exists for a short time afterward.  You can use this time to reinforce the suggestions you used in trance or to emphasize the relaxation they are feeling.   “You are deeply relaxed, peaceful and calm with an intense desire to worship and kiss my boots.”

Does everyone become suggestible in hypnosis?

You are a Mistress.  Your dominance has already been established and acknowledged in your subject, whether the relationship is personal or professional.  You are in charge.  What you say goes.  Or does it?  The subconscious mind is a little trickier than that.

I believe everyone can be hypnotized and is suggestible, but to what degree is the key.  No two people experience hypnosis alike and hypnosis is a very intimate activity.  The subject is letting the hypnotist into delicate territory… the mind.  Trust and rapport are very important.  Although it may be fun to suggest the removal of all control while hypnotized, in reality the subject has complete control over the suggestions he/she will accept and those that are not acceptable.

Know the boundaries and stay within them.  An unacceptable suggestion can bring your subject immediately out of the trance you’ve worked so hard to induce.

What is HypnoKink?

HypnoKink is whatever consenting adults want it to be while using hypnosis.  The surrender of one’s mind in hypnosis is an extremely arousing experience for both subject and hypnotist alike and the power exchange can be intoxicating.  You are taking your subject from a waking conscious limited state of mind and removing their boundaries, limits, inhibitions, opening up a world internally that can be explored more fully.

You may have a client or a play partner who loves being taken away and hypnotized deeply and helplessly.  That IS their kink.  Or you can use hypnosis to take your subject into a fantasy, or use their suggestibility to further their already kinky pursuits, such as increasing their sensitivity to impact play or CBT.  Think about how hypnosis could enhance your client’s kidnapping fantasy by using it as a form of mind control while interrogating them.

You already have the tools.

You are a Mistress.  You are already filled with a high level of confidence in dominating others.  Most likely you are a natural psychologist and already know a lot about the mind and human behavior.  Hypnosis is not complicated to learn.  It just takes some time and practice.  Your subject is already there, tied, tethered to your every word.  His mind is aroused, wanting nothing more than to please you.   Give him a good hard hypnotic mind fuck before you tease and torment his body.  It’s empowering and a lot of fun.

I hope this article has been helpful to you and has increased your interest in hypnosis.  If you have any questions I can be reached at Info@EroticHypnosis.

I create erotic hypnosis recordings that your sub can purchase online and I create custom sessions which are purchased by subs on behalf of their Mistress to further their Mistress’s control over them through hypnotic distance training.  Please get in touch with me if bespoke hypnosis is intriguing to you.

Happy hypnotizing!

+++

Mistress Carol is available for expert quotes in articles, books, e-books, as well as interview requests on podcasts, in web publications, magazine articles, videos and more. Mistress Carol’s areas of expertise include: Erotic Hypnosis, Femdom Hypnosis, Sexual Arousal Hypnosis, Erotic Mind Control, Deep Hypnotic Trance, Hypnotic Erotica, Hypnotic Orgasm, and Hypno Fetish. Visit her site for more erotic hypnosis for men at EroticHypnosisforMen.com!

If you would like to contact her for an interview or quote, please email her at [email protected]

 

 

In Honor of a Legend: Pink and White Productions Rereleases the Films of Candida Royalle

By
Megan Hussey
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As we celebrate Women’s History Month, it only makes sense for the Feminist Sexpert to pay divine tribute to the Foremother of Feminist Pornography, Ms. Candida Royalle. And it is my greatest pleasure to report that, thanks to my friends at Pink and White Productions, many Candida Classics are being rereleased this month!

Throughout the ’80s and ’90s, this gifted director, actress and singer helmed a slew of plot-heavy, wildly romantic feature films geared toward women and couples. Like hardcore soap operas or romance novels brought to the big screen, these films were a breath of fresh air for women weary of cheap, exploitative porn that catered chiefly if not totally to male desires. And, through her company Femme Productions, she mentored and released the films of gifted feminist directors such as Abiola Abrams (under the pseudonym Venus Hottentot) and British director (and a good pal of The Feminist Sexpert) Petra Joy. In addition, Royalle’s Star Director Series featured titles helmed by industry legends such as Annie Sprinkle, Veronica Hart, Veronica Vera and Gloria Leonard. 


I personally can attest, both to the overall excellence of Candida’s films and to her awesome support of other women in the business–seeing as to how, when I worked for Playgirl/PlaygirlTV and started The Playgirl Posse, she openly supported me and encouraged my efforts. And I was beyond thrilled to hear that the films of Royalle–also inventor of a line of sex toys called Natural Contours, public speaker, author, member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and a founding board member of Feminists for Free Expression (FFE)–were being rereleased through Pink and White Productions through its Classic Collection, via indie adult movie streaming platform PinkLabel.TV.

Recently I spoke with Pink and White marketing director/incredibly awesome industry luminary Jiz Lee about the rerelease of the work of Candida Royalle, who passed away in 2015 after a battle with cancer. Now available at PinkLabel.TV, these films make fitting and fabulous additions to the studio’s “feminist porn gaze” collection.

Pink & White Productions creates adult entertainment that exposes the complexities of queer sexual desire… since 2005! Founded and directed by Shine Louise Houston. Discover more at PinkWhite.biz.

1. As we celebrate Women’s History Month, now seems the perfect time to rerelease the landmark works of pioneering feminist porn director Candida Royalle! What inspired Pink and White’s decision to make these beautiful films available to your viewership?

Pink and White Productions owe our success to the women and early filmmakers like Candida who broke the barriers in the industry. Without whom, we ourselves might have never come to be! Afterall, it was through working at sex toy retailer Good Vibrations in the late 90’s — the height of the newly formed ‘couples porn’ market — that Shine Louise Houston found herself on out the store floor with customers recommending Candida’s movies to inquiring couples which eventually inspired her to start own production studio so that she could create new films reflecting queer desire. Many filmmakers can trace their careers to those who followed in Candida’s wake.

There are many instances, particularly of pre-internet era films, where movies are lost to the ages because they didn’t have someone who could assume this guardian role. It’s a historical loss that movies which have had such a profound impact have disappeared. We consider ourselves fortunate to be offered the opportunity to add her early films to our collection, where we hope they’ll find new and appreciating audiences. Feminist porn, artist, and icon — and to our delight, Shine’s San Francisco neighbor — Annie Sprinkle introduced us to Veronica Hart, who now handles the licensing of Candida’s movies. Veronica is a dream to correspond with and we’re so grateful for her assistance and support. Both Annie and Veronica were with Candida, Gloria Leonard, and Veronica Vera to form Club 90, the first support group for porn performers.

2. Please briefly describe the first round of Femme titles available at your site (my personal fave is Sensual Escape:). Also, it’s exciting that you are releasing a documentary of her life!

Candida’s writing and directorial debut behind the camera was through Femme Productions, a company she launched to provide a platform for female directors. There are 8 films in total from the studio. Femme was her first release, a vignette of short films. Later films Christine’s Secret, Urban Heat, and Sensual Escape received lots of critical acclaim and industry awards. Three Daughters was selected by AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists) for presentation at their Annual National Conference. Importantly, her Star Director Series (Sensual Escape, A Taste of Ambrosia, and Rites of Passion) gave other performers a chance to get behind the camera, including Annie Sprinkle, Nina Hartley, Veronica Hart, and Gloria Leonard. And in Revelations, she canvassed political topics like censorship, with a storyline exploring what life might be like in a world without love, passion and romance. All of her films begin with a PSA call to action from the Adult Video Association’s 1980’s campaign protecting free speech. (Sidenote: The Free Speech Coalition continues to fight as our industry trade association, some things are slow to change!)

After receiving her cancer diagnosis, Candida and documentary filmmaker Sheona McDonald spent the final years of her life capturing a beautiful and candid portrait that showcases her championship of female sexual agency (including many mainstream tv shows she appeared on; I myself didn’t know about many of them so what a gift to have those archived!) as well as her own personal quest to find more information about her mother, who left her family when she was young. It’s a touching documentary.

3. I know that Pink and White prides itself on releasing ethically produced artistic porn, often with feminist themes. How do the Femme titles personify this edict?

Our aim for distribution on PinkLabel.TV is to present a place where audiences can watch the kinds of films we’ve discovered at adult film festivals around the world. Our interests include cinematography, creative storytelling, and also representations of sexuality that are not often celebrated or respected in mainstream society. This often includes films by and depicting of queer and trans performers, performers of color, and disabled and older performers. We also recognize the importance of archiving our history, particularly for people whom history often ignores or misrepresents. We have worked alongside queer film historian Jenni Olson to preserve classic adult films and continue to expand our collection. Candida’s role in the industry as a feminist icon in supporting women, and her commitment to storytelling and craft make her films an important contribution to the genre. I want to also note, that to our modern eyes, or my own anyway, these films may not be very inclusive — for example they showcase only white, thin, cisgender women in predominantly heterosexual scenes. As such, they reflect the industry and Candida’s industry connections at the time. It’s notable that in later years she pursued a new cinema line, Femme Chocolat, collaborating with Abiola Abrams to showcase Black women. I believe that if Candida was alive today, she would have continued to expand her productions with more inclusive stories, writers and directors. Fortunately, many of those inspired by her work continue to lead the change.

4. I had the pleasure of corresponding with Candida, and found her to be an absolute delight. Did you know her, and what do you like about her work?

I had the honor of meeting her briefly at the 2013 CineKink film festival. She also penned an essay for my anthology, Coming Out Like a Porn Star. We extended the submission deadline so that she could complete her essay, as she was going through chemotherapy at the time. I think she would have been so proud to see her story in print. Unfortunately she passed away shortly before the book was published.

5. What lessons do you feel that today’s adult filmmakers can learn from Candida Royalle?

This is a great question. I see two major lessons. First, Candida’s commitment to storytelling shows in the quality of the films, which see a return to the higher budget production values of the 70’s with developed characters, lighting, editing, and original music. These films and the fantasies they portray stand the test of time and are cherished by audiences decades later. Secondly, she used her platform to provide opportunities to other women. Too often, especially as marginalized creators, we feel a scarcity in our resources. This can have a negative impact on our work, preventing us from access to budget or audiences. However, there are opportunities to invite collaboration and lift each other up, benefiting all parties. In many ways I appreciate these same qualities in our own director, Shine Louise Houston: a strong love of storytelling and the desire to use her platform, PinkLabel.TV, to support other filmmakers so we all can thrive and appreciate the art we’re creating.

On behalf of feminist erotica fans everywhere, I want to thank Pink and White for making these very special films available. Happy Women’s History Month!

Thank YOU for sharing her work and supporting what we do! <3

Dr. Ava Cadell: Podcast Interview on Dating & Sex In Isolation

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Cupid’s Coach Podcast with Julie Ferman Interviews Dr. Ava Cadell on Dating & Sex In Isolation

Listen in as Julie Ferman taps into the wisdom of Dr. Ava Cadell, renowned sexologist regarding managing loneliness and depression. Nurturing loving kindness, water therapy, self-care; healing from fear, pain, loss, toxic relationships, releasing shame and guilt. Creating space, holding space, especially in tight quarters. How to come out of this better than before. Can courtship happen via video chat, without pheromones? How to connect and develop intimacy first, saving the bedroom for later. Deepening self love and intimacy with a new love interest through White Tantra. Sex toys, fantasies, erotic talk, role-playing, developing a healthy body image, good porn vs. bad porn, and why seniors are having fantastic sex!

Listen to full Podcast below!

Self-Publishing & Erotica: The Cold Hard Facts-Part 3

By
Ralph Greco
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Photo by Cristian Jako from Pexels

Ok, so here it is. Sorry, it took me three columns to get here, but the stuff I laid out in part 1 and part 2, I thought necessary. If you are still with me and want to furrow forward into self-publishing, here are some specific facts I can offer.

1.)  There are lots of book producers out there; choose wisely.

For those of us looking to get a book out there, especially first-timers, there are plenty of companies—what I call ‘book producers’ (you can call them a ‘vanity press’)—who will help you through various stages of preparing your book or can push you through the entire process. Some of these companies are honorable; others not so much. 

There are always lots of folks out there looking to take advantage of you. I’m sorry, but it’s true. If you go this route, do your research, read reviews, talk to other self-published authors if you can, and learn which of these companies are worth giving your money to.

Remember, you can also reach out to a copywriter, layout person, cover artist yourself.

2.)  Amazon will help…to a certain degree.

In some cases, Amazon has become the only game in town, something I warned about way back in one of my earlier columns, and they can be incredibly sketchy for erotica writers. Amazon can/will and forever determine what they want on their portal, and when it comes to erotica, they tend to move the goalposts at whim, determining just what subjects, even what words, they will allow. Subjects like age-play, certainly anything to do with people pretending to be family members (this includes characters calling each other “mommy” or “naughty baby boy” in a story), get in trouble all the time with Amazon. Sex mixed with horror and anything hinting at ‘water sports’ also tends to throw up the old Amazon-y red flags.

The good stuff about Amazon (beyond their reach and that everyone who is anyone will ask you first and foremost “So, is your book up on Amazon?”) is that you can order an ‘Author’s Copy’ (see here) from Amazon for only a minimal amount of money. Doing this, you can get a print copy of your book in your hot little hands, gaze at every inch of it and determine if the book is to your liking. If not, you can easily go back into Amazon and change whatever you like, even order another copy later (yes, just one) and have another look-see. This cuts down on the expense (and believe me, way back, I incurred this expense, so I know it can be expensive) of ordering a box of your book (even now, book printers have a minimum amount that they need to print to complete an order) and realizing the print version didn’t come out the way you wanted it to! Then having to go back and change templates and order a bunch all over again, hoping for the best.

3.)  Diversify.

You can list your book across multiple retailers. If you want to grab an ISBN #, you can do so via the Library of Congress and pretty much reach out and sell at any retailer that will have you. You are under no contract when you self-publish.

4.)  Erotica is indeed different so treat it differently by self-publishing

As I have been writing here, erotica is different. Considered by many, even other professional writers, as the red-haired stepchild of fiction genres, it’s hard to get mainstream attention for a naughty book without that attention being pejorative. So doing this yourself, at least for your first few forays at publishing, and maybe ever onward, is a good way forward. But don’t worry, there are plenty of places to contact and network. There’s the SEX POSITIVE BOOKS BLOG on Twitter@BooksSex, the UK-based eroticaforall.co.uk, GoodReads.com, and the ERWA, to name just a few places that will get you up and running.

5.) The Profit Is Yours.

When you are under no contract, when you set up your little self-publishing concern on Amazon or wherever, print a box of books for that lecture you are giving, even sell your tomes out of the back of your car, the profit from sales are 100% yours. By selling eBooks, you’ll keep your overhead even lower as you do not have to incur the expense of printing books.

You might indeed find or get contacted by a publisher you do want to publish through. God knows, there are many advantages to doing so. But keep an open mind about self-publishing. Do your research every step of the way and find the avenue that works best for your book, knowing that, these days, you can do a lot of the work you pay others for (either directly or from a split of your royalties) yourself and enjoy a better percentage of the profits.

Curiosity and 9 other Sexy Secrets

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Photo by Ronny Sison
  1.  Communication

Communication is the key ingredient for a consistently successful relationship. Compliments are the bedrock of romance, so give your partner at least one compliment each day. We can communicate compliments by writing a love letter or a compliment on a piece of paper that your partner will find in their car, in their pocket or on their pillow. But my favorite way to communicate compliments is to make a video of yourself telling your partner all the things that you love about them.

2.  Chemistry

Enhance your chemical attraction by finding areas of mutual interest and share desires. If you both like to dance, maybe that’s how you met, make sure you get out and dance once a week.  If you like to hike, make sure you get outdoors. If you like to paint, do it together. Foster the areas of your life where there is good chemistry. What about doing couples Yoga to boost your intimacy and maintain your chemistry. I’m giving away my Sexycises video if you are interested in connecting with your partner, mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually. https://www.avacadell.com/products/

3.  Curiosity

One of the most powerful ways to keep a relationship fresh is to treat it with a constant sense of curiosity. Be curious about his or her day. Be curious about new and exciting facets of your partner’s personality and share your turn ons and turn offs. Always be curious about the next step in your relationship as curiosity keeps the juices flowing and the chemistry exciting, so ask, “Tell me something I don’t know about you?” and see what you can learn from your partner’s answer.

4.  Collaboration

View everything that happens in your life with your partner as collaboration so that there is a sense of togetherness even when you’re alone. Make a wish list of the things that you have always wanted to do together such as learning to Tango or Learning about Tantric Sex. Create a Bucket List together and collaborate on which ones you want to prioritize so that you can make plans, whether it’s to travel or remodel your home, this is a great way to work as a team. One of my favorite collaborations for couples is to go on a retreat together where you can boost emotional intimacy. So, if that’s on your bucket list, check out the upcoming events at  www.LoveologyRetreat.com

5.  Creativity

Try new things out. Take turns being responsible for bringing creativity into all areas of your life. Use your creativity for your date night.  Take turns designing the date night. Instead of doing things that are predictable, explore something new to get your creative juices flowing from writing poetry, painting pictures, sculpturing, cooking, to learning how to strip for each other, playing sexy games, using pleasure products, sex and food or just making out in a new location.

6.  Consideration

Do one thing for each other that is a considerate act, even if that’s making the bed, or clearing the dishes, picking up the kids, running a bubble bath, or giving your partner a foot massage without expecting anything in return. This will open the door to feeling more appreciated and validated, which can enhance your love life.  The best way to be considerate is to put yourself in your partners shoes and better understand their emotional and physical needs.

7.  Contribution

One of the most important aspects of being a couple is a sense of having a mission together. When a couple has the feeling there is a strong sense of moral purpose at the core of their relationship, the couple has more reasons to make the relationship work, and there is much more of a grounded spiritual nature. This is as important in the life of a couple as sexuality. Write a couples Mission Statement that includes your values and goals, then place it in a prominent place so that you can see it every day.

8.  Commitment

Review commitments you have made in your life, especially towards each other. Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day to show your commitment by doing

something romantic. Why not renew your vows now? Share two vows that you and your partner are prepared to keep for the next month, such as giving each other a massage once a week or making love at least twice a week. I suggest writing down your vows and then displaying them somewhere that you will see them every day. I put mine in the bathroom.

9.  Copulation

Practice “conscious copulation” in which the idea is not to have an orgasm, but to enjoy the journey as much as the destination by being 100% present and mindful while you make love. Copulate at different times, in different positions and locations to keep your love life spontaneous and exciting. Incorporate some erotic talk, oral copulation and power play dynamics for added more sizzle to your sex life.

10. Celebration

Couples who have a sense of celebration about their own lives and about their relationship don’t just survive, they thrive.  Celebration is a life attitude, it’s not something you just go and do.  It’s a way to approach life, and as a couple we need more and more opportunities for celebration.  Find ways to celebrate, and you will find more reasons to stay together, and you will see each other in new and exciting ways.

Celebration implies play, a playful nature.  A playful nature in a relationship will keep it fresh, young and exciting.

Aged Out

By
Ralph Greco
-

Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash

 

You just might find, having the good fortune of steely DNA or coming to apply the exact prescribed medications in the correct manner, that you live long enough to become obsolete. It’s pretty much happened to me. Just tickling into 60 as I am as I write this, I surely feel I do not fit into how the world presently spins, see no value in what present culture deems important, and pretty much eschew technology to the point where I am exhibiting the values of a modern-day Luddite as the days progress.

 

This is fine; the out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new is supposed to happen from generation to generation. I have become one of those, “Hey, you kids get your bikes off my lawn,” curmudgeons, where very little new has much meaning to me, and how I have done things for so very long has been all but deemed archaic. I get it; to everything, there is a season and all that.

 

The problem here is that I do not have infinite monetary resources. Not that I’d give up writing or music-making, but you best believe I wouldn’t pursue my career in any marketable way if I didn’t need to make money. So, trying to still do what I do (and believe me, I feel the dwindling of my faculties every day, so I have no idea how long I will be able to keep doing what I do) becomes infinitely harder in a world I truly no longer understand. But it’s less the blisteringly fast changes of technology that stupefy me (I don’t self-flagellate over concepts and technology I did not grow up with, although they do piss me off!) as being aged out in how work works these days.

 

Best I can, I deliver the work I can in the best way I know how, keeping my head down. I won’t answer an ad for writing I do not do (social media posts, grant writing, or ‘pharma’), knowing I will never be able to just pick up the knowledge of those subjects as I go along. I won’t engage an employer looking for me to have a strong social media footprint, which I do not (a fact I revel in). More often than not, I refuse to review books (something I am paid to do from time to time) if that book can only be sent to me in PDF form, as I already read way too much sitting at my computer. And if I can help it, I avoid communicating via Zoom, Skype and text if someone agrees to get on the phone with me, or if they are close to my area and can meet me for a cup of coffee.

 

Does the above keep me from work? Certainly, but I can’t do my job the best way I can making all too many concessions on the above. Although I have and do, they kill my spirit every time I try to fit in and in the end, I’ll produce less, in quantity and quality, than I am capable of.

 

Let me give you get another example from my writing life and something that illustrates well another of my modern work ethic pet peeves…how nobody is communicating all that well when, in this day and age especially, we can communicate the best we ever have.

 

I work for one of the better-known adult websites in existence. I love the writing I do for them and am quite fond of the people I do it for, from my immediate boss contact to the other editors who come to me from time to time, giving me extra work, to the main boss. They are all nice people, honest and forthwith, when I can get them to be so forth…with…it. Herein lies the problem. As with many other modern businesses, hell with many other people I have found these days (and this is certainly a generational thing), there seems to be an aversion these days to answering a direct question. Or not following up over something some asks me to do, I do it, and then they don’t confirm if they got the thing and it was done to their specifications. 

 

What should I just assume? Everything’s ok if I don’t hear from you?

 

I don’t need you to tickle my taint with constant ‘job well dones.’ (I tickle my taint daily with the new Remco ‘Taint Tickler and Bass Catcher’ thank you very much) But, when you come back to me a week later and tell me this or that copy isn’t working for you, well a.) don’t be surprised that I am surprised b.) don’t expect me to drop everything to get on what you should have got on, or at least told me about. a week ago. 

 

If you hire me to do a job and I have a question about that job, why not hit me back as quickly as you can (yes, I know you’re busy setting the world on fire with your new dildo and bass catching machine), but when you have the ability of being able to communicate from anywhere at any time, but find it more important to watch a TikTok video about a bunch of dogs jumping into a lake or you think spending time on Twitter is going to actually increase your nescient business, over a writer asking you what SEO keywords you’d like him to use in your web copy, web copy you keep badgering that writer to deliver, maybe you should prioritize a little. 

 

Or at least drop me a line within a few days.

 

But I am hoping for responses, considering the world as it used to be, not as it is. I am forever confused by a remote job situation where you have me working six set hours a day but don’t mind wasting money paying me for working maybe all of two hours of that time. I don’t understand working by committee, where one set person can’t ever make a final decision. I am stymied by the fact that I am stigmatized when I choose not to indicate a pronoun in my byline or a job application. I can’t understand why…

 

Yeah yeah, yeah, I’m just old, I know. I should just shut up, pull up my blanket after enjoying another ‘Early Bird’ special. Hey, I think there is a Matlock repeat on. Got to go!

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
-
Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels

Why Do Men Cheat?

Let’s find out…

1. Variety is the number one reason men cheat even if their partner is beautiful,
sexy, smart, nurturing and his ultimate fantasy woman. He may still want to have
sex with someone completely different. You can blame it on the biological
programming that makes a man’s brain crave sexual variety or his primitive
instinct to go hunting, but you cannot change it if he wants variety.

2. His Ego swells when stroked by an attractive stranger. He loves the thrill of the
chase and the hunt before the conquest that feeds his masculine ego especially
when it’s been neglected. A man thrives on praise and compliments but if he
doesn’t get them from his partner, he’s an easy target for a loose lover.

3. Fantasies with lovers who are willing to make all of his wildest sexual fantasies
come true from role-playing, domination, sex slave, golden showers, swallowing,
anal and group sex. He may be too ashamed to share his fantasy with his partner
for fear of rejection, judgment or even ridicule.

4. Boredom is a common reason that men cheat, especially if his partner has let
herself go, is too lazy to make herself attractive for him or has put on too much
weight. For a married man who is unhappy at home, cheating is cheaper and
easier than getting a divorce. For an unmarried man, cheating is easier than
confronting his partner because he doesn’t find her desirable.

5. Emotional Connection that he is not getting at home may motivate him to cheat
with a co-worker who listens to him, nurtures him, dominates him, babies him or
just make him feel good about himself when he is with her. That’s why many men
cheat with secretaries or someone close to them at work, apart from the fact that
it’s also very convenient.

6. Revenge when a man finds out his partner has been cheating on him, cheating
on her is the quickest way to heal his hurt feelings. Instead of arguing, seeking
professional counseling or forgiving his partner, he would rather have angry sex
with a one night stand or several depending on how easy it is for him to get laid.

7. Better Sex and more sex with someone who is willing to do the things he wants
to fulfill his sexual needs. Oral sex and anal sex are top contenders, so if he has
a disinterested partner who rejects his advances or won’t try to please him, then
he is going to look elsewhere until he finds someone who likes the same sexual
activities he does.

8. Addiction to love, romance or sex can be an excuse men will use to get a free
pass when they are in a relationship and they don’t know how to get out.
Whether it’s for financial reasons or because of the children, he chooses to cheat
with as many women as he can for fear that he may be missing out on love,
romance and sex, but he is too chicken to be honest with his partner. He would
rather be labeled with a disease or an addiction than face his own insecurities.

9. For Fun to see if the grass is greener on the other side. He is comparison
shopping and having fun being sneaky to see if he can get away with cheating. If
he gets away with it the first time, he may keep doing it unless his cheating
experiences are disappointing or too expensive.

10. Stress and anxiety about work, health, family and finances can lead to cheating
as a quick fix. This may seem like an unlikely form of stress management, but to
a man with a high sex drive, it can be the best form of stress release especially
with someone who he has no strings attached.

Remembering Playgirl: Entertainment for Women (No, Really!)

By
Megan Hussey
-

By Megan Hussey, The Feminist Sexpert

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March (Happy Women’s History Month by the way—huzzah!), we also pause to remember those who time has forgotten—those women who, whether individually or as a group, have been omitted from history books and deleted from popular culture.

I know something about those women, and women’s groups—because I’m one of them.

I’m Megan Hussey, Feminist Sexpert at Sexpert.Com, erotica author, journalist and feminist activist. And in the early 2000s, I was the leader of the Playgirl Posse, Playgirl’s fan club.

Upon reading this information, some readers may have done such a swift double take that they now suffer from whiplash. Sorry about that! This is because, at least once every few months, I read online that Playgirl was a gay magazine read only by gay men. Oh, and for good measure, they say all of the models were gay too.

I have nothing against gay people or gay porn. What I do have something against is the total cultural erasure of Playgirl’s initial mission and female readership. It kinda sucks to be told that one doesn’t exist, ya know?

I was a woman who strongly responded to the message, mission and models of Playgirl, counting it as that single tool that helped get me through lonely nights, bad breakups, and even college! Because aside from being a feminist since birth (I often joke that I came out of the womb with the sole intention of overthrowing the patriarchy by preschool), I just really loved seeing hot men with little to no clothes. And how.

As a magazine, Playgirl was created in the early ‘70s for women as a feminist response to Playboy–and for most of its run, the magazine’s readership was split down the middle between gay men and straight women. Aside from centerfolds that were romantically shot, far less graphically than those featured in gay beefcake magazines, Playgirl magazine featured erotic fantasies and photo layouts featuring female/male couples, interviews with female celebrities, articles about issues like feminism, women in the workplace, dating violence, and reviews of erotic books and films.

The PlaygirlTV hardcore DVDs, introduced in the early 2000s, showed heterosexual couples and showcased male stars like Jean Val Jean, Evan Stone, Niko, Marcus London, etc. And the PlaygirlTV cable/video on demand service showed these same scenes online and on cable.

I first read about Playgirl on a pop culture message board. Immediately I thrust a defiant fist in the air and issued a Sally-like (“I’ll have what she’s having”) cry of “Yesss!!!”

OK, so—during college, I actually created a model channel guide for a PlaygirlTV channel—that’s how freakin’ badly I wanted, no needed PlaygirlTV. So when I wrote to the Playgirl marketing department to congratulate them profusely on the realization of a women’s erotic network, I made an immediate friend in the wonderful Heda Eisenberg, marketing specialist for Playgirl.

Soon they brought me on as a spokeswoman and as the head of the Playgirl fan club, the Playgirl Posse. I became a Playgirl writer and was suddenly corresponding with people like world-renowned sexpert Jayme Waxman and legendary femme porn director Candida Royalle. I had a Playgirl column and blog, and was on the programming review board for PlaygirlTV.

The Playgirl Posse was 95 percent female and featured members such as Heth Mares, the female marketing manager of Wicked Pictures, sexperts/adult models like Tara Tainton and Sassy Vee (host of the “Sex with Sassy” show), Amy Co Accessories owner and Vegas party planner Amy Miller, renowned adult journalist Cyndi Loftus, many erotica authors and publishers, adult commentators like short filmmaker Jana Cleveland, sex toy expert Stephanie S., and female adult film critics Ravyn Riccio and Mistress Liss. We also boasted grandmas, nurses, homemakers, breast cancer survivors, adult toy saleswomen, strippers, and career women. Selena Kitt, whose book “Babysitting the Baumgartners” was made into a movie by Adam and Eve, was a Posse girl.

The Playgirl Posse were ladies on a mission; representing Playgirl at the AVN show one weekend and at the Playgirl male revue show plenty of weekends. We flowed through the doors of adult video and bookstores, demanding more Playgirl. I wrote fiery letters to news outlets who claimed that Playgirl wasn’t really for women, because women just weren’t visual. This despite the fact that handsome hunks are used to sell everything from romance novels to soap operas intended solely for a female audience. And I lived every gal’s dream, receiving a birthday phone call from adult video actor/PlaygirlTV star Jean Val Jean, my big crush. He was a total sweetheart who sang me “Happy Birthday” in French and sent me a swoonworthy autographed picture—one I treasure to this day.

Our club did include a handful of gay men, also straight men who wanted to model for Playgirl. And yes, many of the men who posed for Playgirl were indeed straight.

Towards the end of Playgirl’s history, the direction of the magazine changed to acknowledge more of its gay male audience—steering away from the Posse in the process. Even before then, I was stung when Tina Fey, one of my idols, joked on Saturday Night Live that “PlaygirlTV was the channel made for women, but watched by gay men.”

Really, Tina? Well, let me let ya in on a little secret. The gals of the Playgirl Posse were the same women who buy tickets to your movies and comedy shows, in an effort to stand by you and other strong women. They stood by me when my first erotic book was published, and when my father passed away. And I made sure to honor them when they got jobs and degrees, when they married and had children, when they needed a listening ear.

We are women, and boy, did we roar. Or should I say—Playgirl, did we roar.

Playgirl closed its pages as a print magazine in 2016, but relaunched again in 2020. It is still available at Playgirl.com.

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