Imagine being a strong, intelligent woman who has something to say–and show–about sex. You’re an actress, a content creator, a writer, a producer, or all of the above, who produces beautiful and highly erotic films and books for a female/couples audience. Your only wish is to help other women embrace and enjoy their sexuality–to show them a good time, to turn them on, to educate them. You want to help women achieve sexual equality with men, and to enhance their sexual health and well being as well.
Only to be told that you’re a victim, a tool of the patriarchy, a brainwashed slave, and a traitor to other women.
Now imagine being a strong, intelligent woman who counsels and supports other women. Maybe one of your clients tells you that her abuser or attacker used porn as a blueprint for their assault–or perhaps told them that he knows she likes rough treatment, because of the success of abuse porn and erotica. Or perhaps you’re a wife whose husband pressures you to look and perform like his favorite adult star, or a mother who walks in and sees her children perusing images of women being struck, gagged, insulted, made to weep, etc., etc. You speak up about it.
Only to be told that you’re a censorship maven who hates sex.
Both of these women need and deserve to be heard.
As The Feminist Sexpert, I have the honor of reviewing and promoting the very best of porn. I’ve interviewed so many brilliant woman directors and content creators that deliver beautiful, sex-positive, ethically produced productions for women. I’ve interviewed actresses who produce their own content, and who insist on respect and ethical treatment, both for themselves and other women on set. I’ve interviewed actors who are walking dreams; handsome, articulate, talented gentlemen who consider it their primary job and passion in life to please women of all ages and body types.
As a feminist activist, I’ve talked to human rights rescue workers who have dealt with human trafficking victims forced into porn–because when people are raped and abused, sometimes that abuse is recorded and sold. I’ve seen video testimonials of women assaulted on set, whose director or actor perpetrators are still at large and working in the industry. I’ve talked to rape crisis counselors who confided to me that several clients had come to them with a story about their assaults–a story that centered around another story.
“I told him I didn’t want him to get rough with me during sex. But he told me that he supposed I had rape fantasies, like all women did, and that I’d probably enjoyed 50 Shades of Grey,” the survivors revealed. “He told me that he knew I wanted it. Then he ignored me when I said no.”
“He raped me.”
Can we ever build a bridge between pro- and anti-porn feminists? I believe we can; but in order to do so, both sides must listen.
Anti-Porn Feminists: Don’t believe the stereotype that most women in porn are forced or victimized. Talk to women in the industry and watch their work. And defend their right to do the work that they choose, without fear of censorship or slutshaming.
Pro-Porn Feminists: Get educated about the horrifying realities of human trafficking, child porn, and on set abuse. Learn to spot the signs of abuse going on around you, and do something about it. And if women have issues with the industry, listen and heed their words. Make sure that all of your content is ethical and nonviolent. Yes, we all have our fetishes, but actual physical or psychological harm is never OK.
In the adult industry, I am here to create and promote. But I’m also here to protect. And really, everyone should be. There is indeed strength in numbers, but only if we all pull together. So you see more feminist creators, more special lines and titles for women and couples. As one actress told me, “The change is on the horizon.” As The Weeknd sang in a song about giving a woman an orgasm, “I feel it coming.” As I say, “The revolution is live.”
In the movie Thief of Hearts, the delectable Steven Bauer plays a burglar who breaks into the home of a married couple, stealing the wife’s diaries and acting out the fantasies found within them. He pleasures Mickey, the subject of his desire (played by Barbara Williams, a smart and refreshingly real beauty), by praising and enlisting her talents as an interior designer–then, when she arrives on the job, luring her to his bedroom for some explosive sex. He tells her he’ll do anything she has ever wanted and imagined. Earlier in their courtship, he takes her for a romantic boat ride and makes a big and most impressive show of oiling up his perfect body before her hungry eyes. But later in the movie, when Mickey discovers her lover’s criminal past and he becomes overly aggressive and demanding, she leaves him and returns to her husband.
So what happened between then and now? Well again, as a proud Playgirl of the 90s and early 2000s (I even worked for the magazine and cable station), I saw what happened to women who bought Playgirl in public–they were laughed at and called desperate and sick. So were women who bought erotic romance novels with barechested hunks adorning the covers. I read a viewer’s review of A Night in Heaven stating that Faye’s husband should have murdered Faye and Rick over their affair–even though, ahem, her husband was cheating as well, with an old family friend.
Read on for my interview with Stephanie Vega, publisher in chief of this groundbreaking feminist publishing house–one where all titles sexually and socially empower women.
