Romance Your Lady: A Guide from the Feminist Sexpert

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Many menfolk often complain that their ladies spend way too much time with their noses in romance books. Well, Dudes, the Feminist Sexpert has some news for ya! It’s not their noses you have to worry about–indeed, ladies tend to read romance novels in an effort to stimulate their hearts and lady parts. So if you’d prefer that she focus on you, and not the perpetually pouty and sublimely stacked male model on the cover of Pulsating Passions (Part Five), follow these helpful suggestions–coming straight from a published romance author celebrating a decade in the biz–woohoo!

1. Read her books yourself. And make them come to life. I know. Pulsating Passions (Part Five) does not occupy the top of your TBR List. Yet a look through the pages of her favorite romance books equals a look into her wildest fantasies. So if she favors a particular type of romance–and more specifically–a particular type of hero–then study and embody the fantasy. Does she favor bad boy billionaires? Put on your best suit and whisk her away for a weekend at a resort–one that comes complete with lavish meals, dancing, and prezzies–lotsa prezzies! Does she prefer bad boy bikers? Put on the pleathers and whisk her off for a ride on your engine (tasteless pun fully intended). Does she like rock stars? Dust off the karaoke machine and the tight pants. Does she like vampires, pirates or princes? Visit the costume and props store–dress up, set a scene in your bedroom, and invite her to live the dream.

2. Play dress up. OK, Dude–how many times has she donned that darned cheerleader uniform for your benefit? You’ll really make her cheer if you ditch the spaghetti-stained boxers and opt for a G-string, kilt, loincloth, or whatever strikes her fancy. Yep, I said loincloth.

3. Dance sexy. Ladies love a man who can dance. So whether you stage a sexy striptease for an audience of one, or sweep her across your back porch in a scintillating tango, you are sure to dance your way into her heart-and all those all-important other parts! If you need some pointers, take a class or two at a local dance studio, or check out flicks like Magic Mike, Dirty Dancing, and A Night in Heaven for guidance.

4. Spiff up your look. Let’s face it; so many women get up at ungodly hours so they can do their hair and makeup, dressing their best–both for their jobs and for their partners.  And so many men shower, shave, then say, “I’m good!” Um, nope–if you want your lady to look good for you, then repay the favor by getting a salon haircut and buying a few new suits. Hit the gym, maybe buy some skin lotions and cologne. It won’t kill ya, and she’ll love the results.

 5. Be more particular about porn. Unless you really want your lady to torch your DVD player and run from the room summoning her divorce lawyer on speed dial, do not show her any pornographic production involving baby-sitters, stepdaughters, hookers, or stepdaughter hookers who moonlight as baby-sitters. Opt instead for classy, romantic flicks that appeal to the desires of female viewers. Perhaps something from Sssh.Com, Blush Erotica, Lust Films, Afterglow, Bellessa House, Blue Artichoke, Foreplay Films, etc.

6. Ask her her fantasies. And make them come to life in your bedroom. Well, get to it! And tell her the Feminist Sexpert sent ya.



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