Beauty and Power: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Lily Craven

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January 10, 2022

One of the favorite parts of the Feminist Sexpert’s job is profiling some of the most powerful and brightest women in the adult industry; and our latest guest most certainly fills that description. Beautiful Lily Craven is bringing back the glamour of the classic adult star, and also the power and grace. The Feminist Sexpert is proud to interview actress, radio show host and content creator Lily Craven!

FS: Although diverse in concept, your scene work seems to share one common link: Your characters, ranging from the mother-in-law to the policewoman, are always very strong and in charge. Is it important to you to reflect a strong image in your films?

LC: I have not always felt strong and in control. I realized, playing a character has its advantages. I can be whoever I want to be. I admire strong, self-confident women. So that is the role I began to play. Over time, I have grown into my character and become more like her. I’m not the woman I was when I started, that’s for sure. There is truth is the saying, “fake it until you make it.” I am an example that proves it really works.

In the industry, it was important for me to portray a strong, assertive woman on film. I felt a though it would be a barrier off sorts. I wanted it to tell others, don’t mess with me. It was my attempt at protecting myself.

FS: More and more in porn, we’re seeing beautiful women of all ages. How important is it to promote the MILF image in adult?

LC: It is especially important to keep the MILF image going strong because that’s what the fans and followers want. Let’s admit it. Everybody loves a MILF! I believe the MILF image symbolizes a woman’s accomplishments once they hit the stage in their lives when the children are grown, and the focus is no longer on the household.

The MILF begins exploring herself, including her sexuality. Quite often, a MILF has suppressed her sexuality to conform to society’s “mother” mold… I think promoting the MILF category is honoring that woman for her accomplishments and allowing her the freedom to be sexy and free spirited.

FS: As we discussed on your fab radio show, Phone Sex with Lily, you and I both had something to prove when we came into the industry. Please tell my readers the story of your introduction into the business!

LC: My story into the industry begins with a cheating spouse. When I was married, I felt as though I was the happiest, I had ever been in my life until I discovered it was all fake. Little did I know, the husband I adored, had been carrying on numerous affairs. When I discovered the infidelity, I was devastated. That devastation soon turned into anger. And then came the overwhelming urge to get revenge. I wanted justice. I wanted to stand up for myself. I considered fucking his friends or a family member, but then it would become all about me and the fact that “I did it too.” I realized he married me to make him look good on the outside. I was his trophy wife.

I decided to become his idea of the ultimate woman, which was a pornstar.

I enrolled in college and started selling content out of my inbox on Facebook to make ends meet. When I caught FB ban and could not sell for 90 days, a customer introduced me to webcam modeling on a site called Chaturbate. I did very well from the start.

At this point, my self-esteem and self-worth were at an all time low. My ex-husband managed to turn my family on me as well. Talk about a double whammy! Webcamming started building my confidence and the fans helped build back my self-worth. They told me I was beautiful and that I mattered. I don’t know how I would’ve done it without them. I am forever grateful. That is how I got started at 40 years old, in the adult industry. I would’ve never imagined my life going in the direction it has gone. Life is quite the adventure, isn’t it?

FS: I had so much fun as a guest on your radio show, Phone Sex with Lily. Tell my readers all about your new show!

LC: “Phone Sex with Lily Show” began after I was asked to stand in and host the K97FM Radio pornstar interviews. These interviews were extremely boring and dry to me. It was not my guests that made it boring but me who was not bringing anything unique or special to the table. I stepped back and thought, I need to create a visual for my listeners and what sells? Sex sells! Then it hit me. Phone Sex!

Currently, I interview talent in front of and behind the camera. I kick off each episode by having phone sex with my guest. As you can imagine, the industry has a lot of characters and personalities. Surprisingly, no one has tried to buck the system by not participating. It has been a lot of fun for my guests, the listeners, and myself.

FS: I know that we both have high standards when it comes to the treatment of women in porn. Are there certain things that you won’t do in scenes?

LC: When I first started, there was a list of things that I would not do. I was very vanilla and did not consider anything outside of the box. It has taken time, but I have performed beyond my expectations. The reason I have pushed my boundaries is not because of the pressure of the industry to do so. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. The reason I have pushed my boundaries is because the industry producers and talent have made me comfortable enough to do so. I have never been pressured on a set to perform anything that I was not comfortable with.

One boundaries that I have stuck to is, I will not allow myself to be humiliated on camera. I will not play the role of a submissive at that level.

FS: How do you think we can work to protect and represent women in the industry?

LC: I believe my contribution to women in the industry would be to educate the new talent coming in. Making them aware of the scammers and empowering them with the knowledge of who and where to turn if they have questions. I wish I had a “go to” person in the industry when I started. I could have avoided learning things the hard way. Most of us are self-taught. With that being said, we do a lot of trial and error. Established Talent, often, are willing to help a newbie. Please, reach out to me or someone in the industry. At minimal, we can point you in the right direction.

FS: You love to stay connected with your fans. List your chat and site links!

If you are looking for interaction with me while purchasing content or if you want to set up a live chat play date, I can be reached directly on https://Facebook.com/lily.craven40

If you prefer clip sites https://lilycraven.manyvids.com

For my faithful VIP followers https://LilyCravenxxx.com

If you want to see me perform on live webcam https://chaturbate.com/lily40

And last, please catch my new radio show “Phone Sex with Lily Show” every Wednesday 6pm PST, 7pm MST 8pm CST, 9pm EST, exclusively on https://K97FMRadio.com/phone-sex-with-lily

FS: Which are your more recent and favorite of your scenes?

LC: Most recently I traveled to Miami to shoot for BlushErotica.com. I was matched with a new young male talent named Milan. When he walked in the room, I thought to myself, somebody really loves me because Milan was Hubba Hubba Hot! It was an intense scene because we had great chemistry. Also, I stepped outside my norm and took on the submissive role a couple times and I loved it!

Then, Megan sends me an email to inform me she is the writer BlushErotica.com assigned to write the voice over for my scene with Milan. As you can imagine, I am thrilled! I know this is going to be incredibly sexy and steamy! I can hardly wait! That will be coming soon on BlushErotica.com .

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FS: It was an honor to write for this amazing lady–and to bring her here to you. Now listen to me on her fabulous show: Phone Sex with Meagan Hussey – Phone Sex With Lily Show | Podcast on Spotify

Rising Star: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Joshua Lewis

By

Megan Hussey

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October 14, 2021

The world of adult entertainment is brimming with young hotties–most of them of the female variety. Well, Ladies, all of that is about to change…

Ladies, a show of hands please! How many of you remember the classic book Cheri, penned by the legendary feminist authoress Colette, that concerned a gorgeous, charming young Frenchman who engages in a red hot romance with an older woman? Ah, nice! Now, a second show of hands please! How many of you walked in on Hubby watching a porno that pairs a barely legal babe with a plausible looking dude who (surprise, surprise) is his age?! Oh. That’s every hand in the room. And some of them, I notice, have their middle fingers conveniently raised. In Hubby’s general direction.

Well Ladies, never fear. I have found a Cheri for the New Age, and his name is Joshua Lewis.

Dubbed “the boy next door who will change your whole life” by female talent and directors (and at least one female Sexpert columnist–I’m sure the others will catch on), this 19-year-old, classically handsome blond male talent with a bad boy twist started as an OnlyFans creator and is now in the Top 1%. He’s signed with and is one of the most requested male models at the top adult agencies, and is already scoring nominations with less than one year in the industry—he just got his first and he’s up for Creator of Year (Man) from the YNOT Cam Awards. Although he’s one of the newest nominees in the category, Joshua stands a good chance of winning, as his fans and industry friends #rockedthevote for him every 24 hours through September 30th. Joshua has already worked for Reality Kings, Brazzers, Team Skeet, Porn Pros, See Him Fuck (a studio much beloved by the Feminist Sexpert, as the male body is showcased for once) and Deep Throat Sirens.

Despite receiving such grand adulation so early in her career, Joshua remains kind, well-spoken, and deeply humbled by his success.

“I’m very appreciative of my success, to my fans, and to my team–my press rep Erika, my agent Sandra, all of them,” he said. “It’s gratifying.”

Joshua is also appreciative of women–as is evident in his performances.

“I love working with all types of women, older, younger, all shapes and sizes,” he said. “I don’t have a preference. It’s her personality that matters, if we connect.”

And, yes–in a good number of his scenes, he’s the hot young lover, and she’s often the older, more seasoned partner. Doncha love it? In that way, the viewer can put herself in the place of his scene partner.

“The fans want to see me, and what I would do to them. It’s not about how she looks.,” he said, adding, “My fans love seeing me with older women.”

Yes.

And beyond the issue of age and aesthetics, Josh–who maintains great creative control over the production of his scenes, shot his early amateur work himself and writes his own scene descriptions and site content. He’s also skilled at camera work.

“I especially like to include humor in my scenes,” he said. “I like viewers to laugh and get off.”

Beyond his films, Josh remains deeply engaged with his fans. Keep up with everything in his universe by following him on IG @joshuaaalewisss.

“Fans are so important to me,” he said. “They’re the ones that support you, that pay for your content, that give you Likes and Favorites on social media,” he said. “I wouldn’t be where I am today without them.”

And beyond the fantasy fulfillment offered by cam and text-based platforms, Joshua feels that these online venues gives him the opportunity to form a deeper connection with fans.

“Here they got to talk to me, to learn more about me,” he said. “They get to know who I am as a person.”

He also loves to meet fans in person, and has done so a great deal recently. Joshua recently appeared at EXXXOTICA Miami this weekend, where he signed at the Chaturbate booth. He’ll also appear at the Edison, NJ and Washington, DC. shows.

Through his communications with fans and others, Joshua also hopes to disprove some of the stereotypes that people have about adult performers.

“I take care of my body, I eat healthy and get enough rest–if I stay up all night, I’m loading content, not partying,” he said. “I’m very self-aware and take care of my health.”

Joshua also has a clear direction for the path of his career, hoping in the future to do more feature work and perhaps even directing work–along with staying on track to being one of the hottest male performers in the business. Because I say so.

To vote for Joshua to win his YNOT Award, establish a YNOT ID to vote—go to ynotid.com/user/register, choose a username and password, and put in your birthday and industry role. Once you get an email that your YNOT ID is approved, head over to awards.ynotcam.com/vote, look for Joshua’s category, click his name, and hit the “submit vote” button.

Josh expresses great love for his female fans–and he has some advice for those who may feel a bit bashful about watching adult material.

“Take your time, relax, enjoy yourself and get off,” he said. “It’s only natural.”

I’m the Feminist Sexpert, and I approve this message.

V-Day: Rise, Dance and Celebrate Women

By

Megan Hussey

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February 11, 2024

pexels-jill-wellington-40192 — Photo by Jill Wellington, found at Pexels

I can see a world where we all live
Safe and free from all oppression
No more rape or incest, or abuse
Women are not a possession--Break the Chain, Tena Clark

What is V-Day?

Established by the amazing playwright and activist Eve Ensler in 1998, the V-Day movement is a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls.

So what does V stand for? It stands for Victory, Voices and Valentine. And it stands for Vagina.

How Do We Celebrate V-Day?

We celebrate V-Day on and around Feb. 14, by championing this ever-important cause in every way possible. In some communities, activists do their part by hosting One Billion Rising dances and marches. Much like Take Back the Night, the signature anti-rape march celebrated at numerous college campuses across the country.

One Billion Rising events feature speeches, art displays, and a ceremonial dance set to the tune of Break the Chain, a powerful song and dance produced by Eve Ensler and V-Day, directed by Tony Stroebel, written and produced by Tena Clark with music by Tena Clark and Tim Heintz, and featuring dancer and choreographer Debbie Allen.

The Feminist Sexpert personally has participated in One Billion Rising dances and rallys in city squares, at schools, and at women’s centers. And as a person who enjoys breaking out in random fits of public dancing for little reason whatsoever when the mood strikes, I particularly enjoy putting my limited dance skill set to use in the service of such a fine cause.

People also celebrate V-Day by staging theatrical productions of Eve Ensler’s brilliant play, “The Vagina Monologues” and by hosting various fund-raisers on behalf of domestic violence and sexual assault centers.

As a house writer with the Metaphysical Erotica publishing house, I spearheaded a One Billion Rising fund-raiser that involved the writing and publication of a feminist erotic anthology; part of the proceeds of which went to benefit the One Billion Rising foundation.

V-Day is a day to celebrate, to take action, and to remember. We dance and rise for our mothers and sisters, nieces and daughters, friends and strangers alike. We dance for women and girls, in our ongoing quest to empower them–to overcome the heinous acts of physical, sexual and emotional abuse that serve to mar our majesty on a daily basis.

I rise in the memory of my cousin Ivetta–a brilliant, beautiful career woman, mother of two, activist and singer. A woman who said no to a man–and lost her life because of it.

But she did not lose her voice. At all points throughout my career as an activist journalist and women’s sex activist, I speak, write and dance for her.

So tell us, Feminist Sexpert! How can we celebrate V-Day? Visit https://www.vday.org/. And to everyone, Happy V-Day!

When Angels Wear G-Strings

By

Megan Hussey

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December 28, 2023

free-photo-of-a-marble-sculpture-of-a-man-and-an-angel — Photo found on Pexels, taken by Laman Arzuman

His stage name was Dante Lee; and suffice it to say this gorgeous dream of a man created a virtual inferno in the hearts–and, um, potential other parts–of every woman who crossed his path.

As a devoted Playgirl reader, I first saw this raven-haired, emerald-eyed wonder in the pages of my fave adult magazine, a publication that I eventually would serve as a marketing writer, columnist and fan club president. But at that point I was pretty much a horny college girl who loved me some Dante!

My passion intensified as I saw him perform with the strip group Hunkamania on The Jerry Springer Show–the dude had moves! And although I did eventually see him perform live, it was not in the role of stripper. Indeed, beyond his talents as a model and dancer, Dante played a mean guitar in an Ohio-based rock band. I learned this when I befriended his band’s official photographer in a class at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind.–the Feminist Sexpert’s alma mater, and why they haven’t erected a statue there in her honor she’s not exactly sure. But she can guess.

At any rate, soon I tagged along with my new friend Karen to Dante’s shows; and though I stopped just short of asking him to autograph his Playgirl for me (the Feminist Sexpert was actually somewhat shy and demure back then–I know, what the hell happened?!), I did score a hug and a kiss on the cheek–pretty monumental for someone whose few college boyfriends had been obnoxious, less than kind in some cases, and whose outsides had pretty much matched their insides–and that’s putting it nicely.

Yep, in addition to being out and out dazzling, Dante was a kind gentleman who showed infinite patience for the walking mass of heart and hormones that stared adoringly up at him on stage, dancing to the beat of his guitar as he smiled down at me, patted my head, and told me that I was his sweetie.

Dante and I were never lovers–we were flirty friends who talked and laughed about everything from music to life in the Midwest. And when I gifted him with Hershey’s kisses–as an eternal reminder that he should, if it was agreeable to him, kiss my cheek after each photo we took together–he gave me a heavenly hug and said, “You are so sweet, Baby.”

The tenderness that he showed me meant a great deal–and, soon, my feelings of lust grew into something far more–a feeling of respect and friendship that touched my heart.

“OK then, Feminist Sexpert,” one might be thinking at this point. “Why aren’t you showing us pics of this hottie, to prove that he really was this delish?”

Well, dear readers, the answer is simple. Shortly after his band broke up, my friend came to a turning point in his life; becoming a born again Christian, marrying and having children.

A life that seemed to serve him well and make him very happy, before a tragic car accident claimed his life earlier this year.

Since I got the news just before Christmas, I’ve written a couple of tributes to the person that Dante became–but there also lingered in my heart a keen desire to honor one of the first heavenly muses who brought me respect and pleasure in equal measure. And that, dear readers, is a pretty unbeatable combination.

For while Dante accomplished great things in his new profession as a church music director, he also accomplished other things as a model and dancer. Indeed, like other male exotic dancers, he no doubt brought sensual solace to many a recent divorcee or newly minted widow–one fan I met of his was a woman dealing with life in a wheelchair, who credited him with awakening her sensuality through his erotically charged performances. Like other sex industry professionals, he made a difference.

So, without revealing Dante’s real name or photo, out of respect for his wife and children, I pay tribute to the Angel in a G-string who in truth was so much more. Sending you Hershey’s kisses in the Great Beyond, Beautiful.

The Feminist Sexpert Remembers the Man of the Year: On Beefcake, Pancakes, and Growing Up

By

Megan Hussey

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December 31, 2021

Nov. 7 would have marked the birthday of Dirk Shafer–a man who, sadly, did not live to see it. The director, model, writer and fitness expert passed away in 2015.

I never knew Dirk–but when Young Feminist Sexpert was in college and a devoted reader of Playgirl magazine, he counted among my top crushes. Dirk was Man of the Year!

A George Michael lookalike who also wrote for the magazine, Dirk seemed in many ways to be a like-minded soul–one who, like myself, had an interest in writing, movies, acting, and, well, sex. Duh! Among my favorite Dirk-stinctions was the striptease that was photographed step by step for the pages of Playgirl, and his declaration that he liked to work the PG phone sex line because he loved to relieve the stress of a woman’s day through verbal and visual stimulation–to get somebody off on a hot, steamy night. Aye, carumba! He also wrote witty articles for Playgirl, talking about his ongoing campaign to promote ERH (Equal Rights for Hunks), and relating a touching story of meeting a fan who–while not conventionally beautiful–dazzled him with her kindness and humor.

And, yeah see, that was really why I liked him. His wit and sensitivity. The flawless abs, penetrating eyes and captivating–um–smile were just a big collective extra. Really. I mean it.

As Man of the Year, Dirk had announced his intention to make a movie about his Playgirl experience. Thrilled at the prospect, I told myself I’d be the first in line to witness this sure to be amazing cinematic opus. And a year or so later, as a newly graduated journalist at a small-town newspaper, I was enjoying a lazy Saturday morning in the bathtub when I heard a news bulletin incoming from a TV in the other room–announced as such on the most credible and relevant news channel that a fledging journalist could watch. E! Entertainment News, of course.

“A former Playgirl Man of the Year has made a movie about his experiences,” he said. “And in the film, he made a startling announcement.”

“He’s gay.”

Um…wut? Surely I got some water and Pantene pooled up in my ears. I did not hear that correctly.

Ah, but it was true. Dirk’s big movie, Man of the Year, concerned the fact that he was indeed homosexual.

No worries. I didn’t try to drown myself in the tub. But I did feel a mixture of emotions that was difficult to describe. A little proud of Dirk for making his dream film, and being open about who he really was. A little sad that he didn’t like girls. A little deceived.

Deceived, not because I have anything against gay people–but because this man had presented himself as a woman’s fantasy lover, and even gave advice on talk shows about what women want. He apparently asked his best female friend to pose as his girlfriend, and his boyfriend to pose as his roommate. He went so far as to agree to a fantasy ‘dream date’ with a magazine contest winner, all the while trying to dump her so he could retreat to his hotel room and be with his boyfriend. Apparently she caught his bf hiding in the shower. Look up the word ‘awkward’ in the dictionary, you’ll probably spot a screen cap of this very scene.

I reflected on my college years, and how–as a sensitive and starstruck 19-year-old–I believed literally everything I read in Playgirl. I read one centerfold interview in which a gorgeous blond said he was single and looking for Ms. Right–when I looked back at his layout a few years later, I noticed for the first time the wedding ring that shone brightly from his hand. Eventually, I saw him and his wife being interviewed on a talk show. He’d already found Ms. Right, and she was the one who’d submitted his photos for consideration to Playgirl. So I guess that, upon initial inspection of his layout, I had been too busy perusing other parts of his anatomy to pay overmuch heed to his darned ring finger.

I also recalled the fact that, while taking a magazine journalism class, I had created a dummy magazine called Real Woman; an anti-fashion magazine devoted to the average, hardworking women of this country. I included a fake article about a male model who preferred ‘real’ women over female models, and illustrated the article with Dirk’s photos.

Well, guess I was half right. He didn’t date female models.

In the months that followed, I shared my feelings with several friends–all of whom had varying reactions. One was out and out ticked, saying that Dirk should have been open about his sexuality from the beginning, thus performing a real service for gay people through his openess, and for women by presenting himself as someone who could be their best friend–someone who wouldn’t objectify them. Others shrugged and said, “He did his job. He provided a fantasy, and–during the time that he was Man of the Year–he gave you something to dream on.”

When Man of the Year was released, I was en route to a Florida vacation with my parents. We stopped at an IHOP before making the next leg of the trip, which would take us through the beautiful city of Atlanta, Ga.

In looking over an issue of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution as I ate, I saw an ad to promote the film. Suddenly my being was flooded by that same odd mishmash of feelings. I still didn’t quite know what to think of all this.

Just then I heard my mother, aka my best friend and the center of my universe, making some odd cooing and gurgling sounds. Concerned that a morsel of pancake had gone sideways down her windpipe, I raised my head to investigate; only to find that she had met an adorable sister diner who was all of about a year old. I joined her in gushing over and admiring this magnificent little human being, sharing a sweet moment with her and both of our mothers.

Then I finished my meal and joined my parents as we drove through downtown Atlanta in the predawn hours–and you know, if you haven’t seen Atlanta all lit up at night like a Christmas tree, the Feminist Sexpert recommends it.

It was then that I had an epiphany of sorts; a revelation that had to do with cherishing the little moments in life, letting go of the past and embracing the joy that you feel here and now, in this moment.

Years later, after relocating to Florida, I was working as a librarian’s assistant (take just a moment to picture The Feminist Sexpert as a librarian. Scary, I know) at a Tampa library when I spotted a schoolbook that featured a cover photo of a very handsome model dressed as a policeman.

Yep, it was Dirk; a man who could boast cover shoots with both Playgirl Magazine and The Kids’ Career Guide. Let’s hear it for career diversity.

I myself ended up working for Playgirl a few years later, as a fan club president, marketing writer and columnist. At that time, both of the stunning Men of the Year that I helped promote, Charles Dera and Niko, went on to be major stars of straight porn.

Yet if I had encountered a gay centerfold, I like to think that I would have treated him with respect and caring.

Dirk Shafer was 52 when he passed–he himself should have had many more special moments in his life. An inscription on his Hollywood grave reads, “Our Man of the Year.”

Upon hearing the news of his passing, I recalled yet another moment from college; the moment that I ventured in to my campus bookstore to buy his Man of the Year issue.

“I’m so reading this for the articles,” I informed the young lady at the checkout, who replied with a grin, “Now don’t hand me that.”

Suddenly every female in the place, be they shopper or employee, surrounded the counter; with one of them pointing to the magazine cover and asking, “Who is that?”

“That,” I replied, “is the Man of the Year.”

If He’s Said I Do, Here’s How to Say I Don’t: The Feminist Sexpert Guide to Rejecting Married Men

By

Megan Hussey

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September 14, 2021

pexels-monstera-5874716 — Photo by Monstera from Pexels

The Feminist Sexpert actively dislikes playing the drinking game Never Have I Ever, because–well–I never get to drink! I’ve pretty much tried everything on the sexual spectrum, and (as my icon Mae West phrases it) “Twice if it feels good!” But the one thing I’ve never done–and that I never plan to do–is have an affair with a married man.

Why? Well, I attribute this decision to a mixture of both modern and traditional values. Modern in the sense that–well–I’m the Feminist Sexpert damn it, and I refuse to break the Girl Code by dallying with somebody else’s man. Traditional in the sense that, the times that I’ve attended weddings, I take the ‘forsaking all others’ bit pretty darned seriously.

But, some might ask: What if he’s in an open marriage? Nope. What if he isn’t legally married but is in a serious relationship? Nope. What if he’s really, really hot? Sigh, it physically wounds me to say this, but….No. Look, I’ve even surrendered crushes on favorite male models and adult actors once I found out they were hitched or seriously committed.

Is it always easy? No. I’ve turned down some major league hotties, with my clit and pussy screaming–no, make that wailing–a chorus of protest every step of the way–but at the end of the day, my heart and my mind stay good.

To any sisterfriends out there who have trouble resisting the charms of bewedded baes, here are a few tips that might help:

1. Get to know their spouses and families. If this isn’t possible, at least locate photos of them on social media. Once you see that smiling sisterfriend or that adorable kid, you wouldn’t dream of doing ’em dirty.

2. If you have to interact with Tommy Tempter at work or in a social group, be sure not ‘go to the barbecue hungry,’ if you catch my meaning. If you have a partner yourself, work with him/her/they to heat things up in the bedroom so that you don’t leave home unsatisfied. If you are happily self-partnered like myself, hit up your friends with bens, hire a male companion (my favorite remedy for just about any sexual issue–ride ’em Cowgirl!), attend a male strip show, buy a new toy and some porn, etc.

3. Avoid developing deep, close friendships with married men–unless they’re married to other men and are not tempted by female you, or bear such a strong likeness to Quasimodo on Quaaludes that you’re not even remotely tempted. A fun friendship date that seems like just a lunch or just a movie could become more. Restrict social messaging to work-related topics or quick hi/byes.

4. Seek some artistic inspiration. See the Jill Clayburgh classic “An Unmarried Woman” to see the story of a woman who bravely survives her husband’s betrayal and abandonment. Or listen to the classic Shirley Murdock song “Husband.” The powerful lyrics include:

“My desire for you is strong, but I won’t do wrong. You’re that lady’s husband…

My decency prevails… Well I’m a lady with class and I know my desire will pass…

This cannot [be] because you are her husband.”

5. Think about what it would be like if the high heel was on the other foot. Imagine the pain and anger of finding out that the man of your heart was breaking yours–with the help of another woman.

6. Don’t believe his bunk. Of course he’s going to tell you his wife is so darned evil, she makes Maleficent look like Doris Day. What is he going to say? “My wife is a sweet, wonderful woman, which I’m sure will make you feel just wonderful about helping me betray her?” If she is indeed such an awful person, he needs to divorce her. But if his come on starts with the line, “My wife doesn’t understand me,” then the ultimate cool reply is, “Then the poor dear and I have something in common. Think I’ll call her up, and we’ll do coffee.”

Farewell to a Goddess: The Feminist Sexpert Remembers Jesse Jane

By

Megan Hussey

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February 1, 2024

AVN Expo 2013 - Day 1 - Las Vegas, Nevada — AVN Expo - Day 1 - at the Hard Rock Hotel - Las Vegas, Nevada on January 16, 2013

A porn star powerhouse. This may be the best way to describe Jesse Jane, the actress and adult performer who passed away Jan. 25 at age 43.

A true leader and trailblazer in the industry, Jane brought far more than her signature sex appeal to every role; also suffusing every portrayal with strength, grit, class and considerable acting skill.

Jane is perhaps best known for her signature role as tough gal Jules Steel in the phenomenally popular Pirates franchise; perhaps the most popular adult film series of all time, one that enjoyed immense crossover success–no lie, they even carried a soft-core version on the shelves of Blockbuster Video. I wager plenty of renters went home happy with this title.

Aside from a swashbuckling pirate, Jane portrayed a secret agent and rescue fighter in Code of Honor, a boxer in Fighters, and a fighter pilot in Top Guns, a personal favorite of The Feminist Sexpert. She basked in her power and moxy in titles such as The Female of the Species, directed by Kayden Kross, and Jesse: Alpha Female, and played an empowered erotica author in Romance and a tough as nails DA in Sex and Corruption, directed by Kay Brandt. And she even appeared in a porn parody of the blockbuster feminist comedy known as Bridesmaids.

Outside the adult arena, Jane distinguished herself also in the realm of mainstream film; appearing in the female-driven actioners Busty Cops and Female Fight Squad, along with a number of music videos and the television show Entourage. She also served as an executive producer for both hardcore and mainstream films, launched a successful adult toy line and co-hosted the sex advice show Night Calls.

A cancer survivor and devoted mom in real life, Jesse Jane won multiple adult industry awards and was adored among her peers. Much like a shooting star, this angel blazed away too soon; leaving an indelible path of starshine in her ethereal wake. Rest in Power, Goddess.

Victimblaming a heroine? The Feminist Sexpert has something to say

By

Megan Hussey

-

February 21, 2023

Photo courtesy of Laker at Pexels

A real-life story of sheorism played itself out in my home community of Tampa Bay, Florida, recently, as a 24-year-old woman successfully fought off a rapist who tried to attack her as she exercised one evening between the walls of her apartment gym. This empowered young warrior woman fought valiantly for her life and bodily autonomy, running, punching, kicking and blocking until she exhausted her attacker and made her escape.

While many people rightfully lauded this woman for her bravery, quick thinking and her incredible show of strength, certain Internet commenters took it upon themselves to criticize the fact that she visited her apartment gym alone at night. And in one FOX News report, issues of ‘gym hookup culture’ was raised, with a mention made of women changing the way they dress when they visit the gym.

OK, that’s it. The Feminist Sexpert has had it. These people had better listen up, because I have some things to say.

It could be that this woman’s work schedule only allows for late night workouts, in a well lit gym at her apartment. It was likely because of these workouts that she successfully fought off her attacker. Where was apartment security? How did her attacker (who had previous offenses) get on the property? And why wasn’t the attacker in jail for his previous offenses?

I was once parked into my apartment parking space by an unbalanced neighbor in a car, waving at me and telling me that he felt a connection and we should get to know each other as he refused to move. I stayed locked in my vehicle, yelling and waving him out of my way until finally he moved. I then drove to my apartment office and reported his behavior.

This incident happened to me at 2 p.m. in the afternoon, and led me to wonder, Why was he allowed to move in to my apartment complex in the first place? Oh, and although I’d never met this individual, some people did question if perhaps he had read one of my erotic books and was simply reacting ‘like a horny male.’ Another said that, as a ‘pretty blonde woman,’ I was a target, and perhaps I should change my hair color. These are not the questions to be asking, and the target of an assault is not the individual who needs to be interrogated.

Also, in regards to any conversations regarding the way that women dress when they work out–sure, let’s all wear parkas and multiple layers to the gym, then end up passing out from heat exhaustion and overexertion. Men often work out completely shirtless, and somehow manage to successfully complete a workout without women sexually assaulting them. And yes, sometimes people do mutually, consensually flirt or plan dates as they exercise. This has nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do with assault.

Let’s say that a man visits an ATM machine late at night after leaving work, and valiantly fights off an attempted mugger. Would anyone blame him for being at that location at that late hour, or question his choice of apparel for the day?

This heroine deserves better than this paternalistic tripe. And women deserve better than a culture which tries to dictate the way that we dress, work, work out, and live.

The Whisper Model for Feminist Porn

By

Megan Hussey

-

April 16, 2024

pexels-cottonbro-studio-4754134 — Photo found at Pexels, taken by CottonBro

The Feminist Sexpert Introduces the Whisper Model for Feminist Porn

Sigmund Freud once posed the question, “What do women want?” Well, we ladies have no earthly intentions of divulging that knowledge to Freud, as he was pretty much a sexist numnutz. And he’s dead now anyway. Through the years, though, a number of other peeps have posed the same question–particularly when it comes to feminine tastes in pornography.

Since the early 1980s, a number of excellent adult companies have created content custom made for women–releasing titles that are romantic, textured in terms of plot and story, nonviolent, and nonexploitative in nature, and that feature attractive male performers who are skilled at pleasing women. Yet, or so many content creators tell me, they experience some acute difficulty in reaching their target audience.

That may be because, or so many women tell me, they just don’t feel that comfortable shopping for porn. A single visit to a porn site can expose them to a barrage of male-directed movies whose covers and titles alone might give them nightmares–or, at the very least, make them really, really ticked. (THIS is what my husband is watching? That does it. I am so starching his boxers to the point of abject mummification).

When a woman does see a title that appears promising–well, then she’s darned lucky, because many DVD/download cover images feature solo shots of hot women in various stages of undress–with little to no indication as to the strength and intellect of the character she portrays, the attractiveness of her male co-star, or the quality of the film’s storyline.

Back when the Feminist Sexpert was the Possemeister for the Playgirl Posse Fan Club, she and her ladies thought it would be super cool if a rating was established to alert female viewers about the suitability of adult films to align to their tastes (translation: This flick will really knock yer platforms off, Girl–and how!).

I originally suggested a handy abbreviation to assign to this rating–perhaps WS (Woman Safe)–but an abbreviation is hardly romantic. And just because a title fails to contain rough or rapey elements, the film might not depict a XXX love story, demonstrating in the process those tried and true techniques for pleasing and satisfying women–like if the movie contains even a single sequence of a lady hanging from the ceiling upside down so she can more easily and conveniently administer oral sex to a circle of rough, less than visually appealing men, then–sorry, Charlie!–that film will not merit my squeal of approval–or, for that matter, a much coveted WS designation!

Now I believe that our proposed feminist porn rating is so darned cool, that it deserves a whole name, all its very own! And so, in a pinch, I’ve come up with a potential label for our newly created seal of approval for feminist porn titles (drum roll please).

The Whisper Model.

The Whisper Model rating would come complete with a way cool logo that could be displayed easily on DVD boxes, movie marketing materials, and in the text of film reviews. When a woman sees this logo (perhaps a graphic of the Feminist Sexpert gracing the camera with a hearty wink and thumbs up sign combination–nah, just joking–surely we could come up with something better than that), she could be well assured that the movie bearing it will both respect her sensibilities and rock her world in equal measure. And really, for what more in life could we possibly ask?

—

A Ray of Light for the Femme Porn Fan: Goodbye Joey Ray

By

Megan Hussey

-

December 22, 2021

With the dawn of a new century came the dawn of another sort for feminist porn fans; the emergence of a new breed of male porn star. Gorgeous. Young. Seductive. Seemingly custom made to fulfill their wildest fantasies.

Joey Ray, a strapping, muscular, savagely handsome man, was one of those hunks who teased and titillated female viewers with his starring roles in a number of femme porn titles. In fact, in an industry in which few men ‘star’ in much of anything, Ray was the focal centerpiece of the 2006 femme porn staple, Ranch House Lust; a film directed by the brilliant Nina Lennox for the signature femme porn studio known as Inpulse/Lennox Films.

In Ranch House Lust, a western romance, this strapping cowboy presented his perfect body for the female viewer, the camera lingering on him as he made passionate love to his leading ladies. This was a tour de force of beefcake for women’s eyes only.

Ray also appeared in at least four titles produced by Playgirl: Deep Indulgence, Soaked in Sex, Explosive Fantasies and 2 Hot 2 Handle–and as memory serves, it was.

Another look at Ray’s filmography reveals titles from a myriad of couples-oriented studios, films including Women On Top and For Women Only. And while character names such as The Pool Boy may not seem revolutionary to some, it cannot be overstated that Joey Ray (cited as an influence by current leading adult stars like Seth Gamble) played a role in the women’s erotic revolution; a movement that still continues today, as we continue to demand quality erotic films for the female gaze.

Joey Ray was a troubled muse who took his own life last weekend. His passing gave me pause to reflect on a web review I once composed of Ranch House Lust; one that comically referenced another romance involving a cowboy.

“Joey Ray,” I wrote. “I wish I could quit you!”

On second thought–no, I don’t.

http://suicidehotline.org/