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Erection Rigidity: A Perfect Storm

By
Dr. Andrew Siegel
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Sex length

 

Note: Although this is written primarily for men, it is equally relevant to females. Since the penis and clitoris are homologous organs, whenever you see the word “penis” you can substitute the word “clitoris.” In terms of solutions, only simple and natural ones will be mentioned. A discussion of oral medications, urethral suppositories, injections and penile implants will be a topic for another time.

The penis is one of the most “magical” of organs—uniquely capable of transforming its size, shape, and constitution in a matter of nanoseconds. The remarkable upsurge is possible because blood inflow is maximized while outflow is minimized, resulting in penile blood pressures that far exceed arterial blood pressure.

Rigid erections can only occur when there is a “perfect storm” of three events:

Event #1 (Pre-penile): Arterial blood flow to the pelvis needs to increase substantially.

Event #2 (Penile): Smooth muscle within the arteries and the spongy sinuses of the erectile chambers of the penis must relax to allow engorgement with blood.

Event #3 (Post-penile): The pelvic floor muscles must engage and compress the deep roots of the penis to morph the swollen penis into a rigid one. The blood pressure in the penis resulting from the inflow of blood alone, in the absence of the contribution from the pelvic floor muscles, will not exceed systolic blood pressure, so the pelvic floor muscles play a vital role with respect to both rigidity and durability of erections.

When erections go south, it comes down to failure in one or more of the three events, which can be pre-penile, penile, or post-penile.

Pre-penile ED

The problem lies within the arterial blood supply to the pelvis, which is not capable of delivering enough blood flow to fill the penis. Typically, the pelvic arteries are clogged with fatty plaque (atherosclerosis), which is often due to an unhealthy lifestyle: poor diet, physical inactivity, being overweight and use of tobacco. Diabetes is a very common cause of impaired blood flow (although it also adversely affects the nerve supply). Insufficient blood flow may also occur because of the blood pressure lowering effect of blood pressure medications. Psychological issues such as performance anxiety cause constriction of the inflow to the penis by virtue of the adrenaline released as a result of anxiety, adrenaline being a potent constrictor of blood flow.

Solution to Pre-penile ED

Lifestyle “angioplasty”—meaning getting down to “fighting” weight, adopting a heart-healthy (and penis-healthy diet), exercising regularly, drinking alcohol moderately, avoiding tobacco, minimizing stress, getting enough sleep, etc.—all common sense measures to improve all aspects of health in general and blood vessel health in particular.

Penile ED

The problem lies within the penis itself. Because of poorly functioning smooth muscle within the arteries and sinuses of the erectile chambers, the penis cannot properly swell with blood. This smooth muscle cannot relax enough to allow blood flow to inflate the penis and pinch off the venous drainage. This failure of relaxation of the smooth muscle in the penile arteries and spongy sinuses parallels the failure of relaxation of smooth muscle in our arteries that causes high blood pressure (a.k.a. “essential” hypertension). Loss of this smooth muscle and scarring can happen with aging, following prostate cancer surgery, from Peyronie’s disease (abnormal scar tissue within the penis) or because of disuse atrophy (loss of penis form and function because of lack of use as it was intended to be used).

Solution to Penile ED

Age-related malfunctioning smooth muscle and scarring is a difficult issue to manage. However, lifestyle measures can be helpful as well as adopting a “use it or lose it” attitude towards erectile function—exercising the penis via regular sexual activity will actually help its continued functioning and health of the smooth muscle of the penile arteries and sinuses.

Post-Penile ED

The problem is weakened pelvic floor muscles. These feeble muscles are incapable of compressing the roots of the penis sufficiently to increase the blood pressure in the penis to the levels needed for rock-hard rigidity.

Solution to Post-Penile ED

Pelvic floor muscle training to improve the strength, tone and endurance of the pelvic floor muscles will optimize erectile rigidity and durability.

Why It Matters When You Want Sex

By
Dr. Martha Tara Lee
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Sometimes partners just don’t want sex at the same time. This simple discrepancy can lead to dissatisfaction when sex never seems to happen, or miscommunication when neither person talks about why sex never seems to happen – and even arguments, with accusations like, “You never want sex.” Sound familiar?

In a survey of 2,300 people in Britain, almost two-thirds of women (63 per cent) and 54 per cent of men said they wanted sex as much as their current partner.

However, there were big differences in how couples’ sex drives vary during the week.

  • Just over half of men (51 per cent) said their sex drive was pretty constant, compared to just 36 per cent of women.
  • Almost half of women (47 per cent) said their sex drive was driven by their moods but this applied to just 34 per cent of men.
  • More than two-thirds of women (68 per cent) and 63 per cent of men had dated someone whose sex drive was different from their own.
  • This caused issues for 44 per cent of women but just a third (33 per cent) of men.

The survey revealed a staggering difference in the sexes’ optimum moment for passion:

It found that 78 per cent of men and 69 per cent of women desire sex most at different times of the day.

  • Men feel at their friskiest first thing in the morning. More than a quarter (28 per cent) most desire sex between 6am and 9am – with the most popular time at 7.54am.
  • Just 11 per cent of women feel most passionate at this time. Desire levels for women rise throughout the day and reach their peak between 11pm and 2am.

In short, one is a morning person, and the other a night owl.

It is common knowledge that most couples have sexual drive discrepancy (one wanting sex more than the other). However what is also a common complaint in my practice is when they want sex. Sex becomes a chore when one’s body just wants to sleep!

What can be done?

Here are some of my suggestions:

  1. Prioritize sleep – A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine has found that women who get one more hour of sleep increase their sex drive. A sleepy person is a grumpy person. Since we deal with sleep deprivation differently, we really ought to quit judging, comparing and complaining.
  2. Make time for sex – We schedule time for everything else that’s important. How about if we get over our digust for the lack of spontanity? This is life. We have challenges and things come up. Therefore, we need to make time for what’s important, even if it means penciling it down!
  3. Adapt and adjust – Some compromise and negotiation needs to be involved to adapt and adjust to each other’s needs, wants and desires. An example might be sex in the morning this week, and evening the next.
  4. Discuss and discuss – Keep communication channels open. Even when there is no conclusion, this can be the one thing that helps when frustration is high and cross words are exchanged.
  5. Seek help – There is absolutely no need to soldier on and suffer in silence. Often, a trained external party like myself can come in and bring illumination to the situation.

Sex is more than sex. A happy couple who are both sexually happy are stronger as individuals for it.

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice For Men’ – Get Her Off Her Phone & Into Bed

By
Erika Jordan
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I’m a licensed Loveologist and health coach and I’ve got some great advice for men on how to get a woman OFF THE PHONE and into bed.

We’re all distracted by our phones, but what is she looking at? Can you engage with her? Or better yet, can you create a no-phone day for some lusty romance instead? Let me know in the comments below how it works for you, because your sex life suffers when you can’t get her off the screen!

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

How To Make A Threesome Happen

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Couples can’t always give each other everything they need sexually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes introducing a third person is exactly what you both want to keep your sex life fresh with novelty. Engaging in a threesome can be one of the most memorable sexual experiences a couple can have, but make sure the memories are positive.

Communication is key when it comes to opening up your relationship to a third person. Don’t gloss over your wants and needs before you dive in to the experience. If you feel strongly that there shouldn’t be penetration for example, say so. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for resentments and jealousy. Laying down a basic set of guidelines allows more freedom in the moment.

Where To Find Your Third Wheel

It’s never been easier to find an adult playmate using the Internet, where you can send messages on dating sites such as OkCupid or Plenty of Fish, or go to ThreesomeDatingSite or Adult Friend Finder.  Be clear with your request, and expect some back and forth so that you can all get to know each other. You can use the acronyms MMF (male, male, female) or MFF, MMM and FFF (or any combination) to designate what kind of third you are seeking.

I recommend having a three-way ‘date’ ahead of time with no sexual expectations, so that you can discuss your fantasies and all parties can become comfortable with each other. This extra step makes the sexual anticipation and experience much more satisfying, as you’re all connecting on a deeper level. I’m not saying you have to be best friends (in fact, I discourage having sex with good platonic friends), but when you’ve spent some time and had a conversation together, even if briefly, things generally go much more smoothly in bed later.

Another alternative for finding a third is to go to a bar, swing club or even a BDSM dungeon with the intention of picking up another person who might be interested in participating in a consensual three-way experience. Clear communication is even more important in these settings at the beginning, as you don’t have the benefit of the website introduction to pave the way for your ultimate intention. But when in doubt, listen to your intuition and be on the side of caution as it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Negotiation

Make sure you talk about each person’s interests and desires, including boundaries and deal breakers about kissing, oral sex, intercourse, anal and sleepovers. It’s also a good idea to have a code word or signal for “STOP” that everyone understands, such as traffic light colors RED for STOP and GREEN for GO. In the heat of the moment, you might need a safe way to stop the action.

Try this WANT, WILL, WON’T exercise for sexual activities during the negotiation process. My clients have found it to be a very useful jumping off point for opening up the lines of communication and encouraging each party to fully express their desires and boundaries.

The first slide shows what the desires and boundaries mean, and the second slide is filled in with items from a sexual menu.

Will Want WontWill Want Wont 2

Dinner & Sexy Games

Planning a sexy night for three-way sex can be a lot of fun. Start by ordering everyone’s favorite food and arrange comfortable seating without a cumbersome table in the way. For some flirty conversation, try topics like turns on and turn offs, or show and tell.

Once things get sexy, you can begin to feed each other playfully and lick food off your partner’s body to entice the other person to join in. A little alcohol can also ease the tension and rev up the sex drive, but don’t pour the drinks too strong or too often because consent is sexy, and you want to make sure you’re enhancing your sex life, not creating drama.

Play some icebreaker adult games such as Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare or Strip Poker to get everyone in the mood for naughtiness. Be sure to have plenty of condoms, lube and some sex toys on hand to keep the party playful. Always change condoms when going from anal to vaginal and never share sex toys, so have plenty of each at hand. Use a new condom with each partner!

Take turns getting and giving a four handed massage to relax and then arouse by exploring all of the erogenous zones from head to toe. Organic coconut oil is smooth and silky on the skin, as is massage glide, or warming and cooling, can increase sensitivity and flavored massage products can be a tasty treat for the giver of pleasure, just as much as the receiver.

In The Moment

Say things to make your partner feel confident. Saying, “I love you,” “You’re such a great lover,” and other positive compliments can make your partner feel confident and secure, diminishing any competitive feelings they might have about the third person.

Never leave anyone out. You don’t want a threesome that’s unbalanced, where two people’s interactions dominate at the expense of the third. There’s always a way to expand your touch and attention to include that third person.

Make sure you have water nearby so that your mouth doesn’t get dry right when you want to kiss, lick or suck.

Positions For 1 Man, 2 Women

This is one of the top fantasies for men, but lots of women are game to let their man watch them with another woman. A hot sexual position is for the man to enter his partner in doggy style while she goes down on the other woman. Alternatively, he can be getting a blowjob from the new woman while his partner sits on his face. And of course there are endless combinations of 69-inspired positions to please everyone.

Positions for 1 Woman, 2 Men

This female sex fantasy can result in double penetration and one of the best positions for that is for one man to lay on his back so the woman can sit on him in cowgirl position while the other man inserts his penis from behind her for anal penetration, as she leans forward. This is known as an MFM threesome experience, and of course there are many other sexual positions that include oral pleasures for everyone.

The Role Of Sex Toys

Adding sex toys into your threesome can prolong the experience, add extra visual eroticism and playfulness. It can help women have orgasms more easily, and allow men to take the pressure off the demand on their erections. You can even consider giving your third a sex toy to take home as a memento of the occasion. Some of my favorite sex toys for threesomes are The Screaming O cock ring, We-Vibe wearable vibrator and of course, an adjustable strap-on with a harness.

Exploring Your Same Sex Fantasies

In a sexual threesome, the same sex parties are key in creating chemistry with each other. This is an exciting opportunity to explore same sex fantasies and try out experimentation that you’ve only dreamed of, such as tribbing between women and docking between men.

The Power Of Imaginary Threesomes

If you’re not ready to have another person participate in a three-way yet, then you can make this fantasy come true through the power of suggestion and lots of graphic dirty talk. Describe to each other what the third person would be doing, and how.

If you’re at a loss about how to get started, try using some of these phrases and fill in the blanks, directing your sexy language at your partner and your imaginary third as well.

It feels so good when you touch my__________.

Your ______________ is beautiful.

I want you to ___________ my _____________.

I love your ____________________.

My _______________is so______________.

_______________ me in the __________________.

You are so ______________________.

Pros & Cons Of A Threesome

Pros

Fun – Threesomes can be exciting and naughty, playful and thoroughly entertaining because of their taboo nature. You can expand your sexual horizons with erotic new visuals, new sexual positions and by discovering new erogenous zones.

Hormone boost – Threesomes get your feel-good hormones flowing from increased Testosterone to surging Dopamine.

Exploration – Same sex fantasies and two-on-one fantasies are very common and here’s your opportunity to make them come true.

Discovery – Discover new ways of touching and being touched, and new ways in which you like to be aroused.

Freedom – You can be uninhibited, making love ‘outside the box.’

Increased sex drive – more orgasmic intensity may result from the new excitement of a third partner.

Passion – Threesomes can rekindle passion in a predictable relationship.

Afterglow – You might feel more sexual satisfaction than you’ve ever experienced and want to do it again!

Cons

Jealousy – You might be afraid that your partner will get emotionally attached to the third person, or worry that they are a more skilled lover.

Performance issues – Men might have anxiety about getting an erection or keeping it up in front of two people at once.

Feelings of inadequacy – Men or women may feel intimidated by being ‘compared’ to another person physically or sexually.

Competition – Threesomes bring up issues of rivalry, where one party may engage in a sexual contest with another.

Awkwardness afterwards – Unless you’ve negotiated your ‘happy ending,’ there could be an awkward moment where no one knows what to do when the sex is over.

STDS – Expanding your sexual horizons also means expanding your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Always use condoms.

Embarrassment – Three people makes for more potential embarrassing noises and moments, but try to use a sense of humor to overcome any mishaps.

Look at this pros and cons list with your partner to help make the decision together about whether or not to try a threesome. Ask each other how important a threesome is, on a scale of one to ten, where ten means it’s a dealbreaker for the relationship.

Honor your partner’s feelings about the possibility, and understand that the answer may very well be “No” but if you do go forward as a couple, make sure that your own relationship foundation is strong and that you’re plan is to have well-intentioned sexy fun.

To Spit Or Swallow?

By
Alison Miller
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I was in the nail salon, gazing at a turned off television flanked by fake flowers, when the age-old question, “Do you spit or swallow?” eeked into my brain. “Spit or swallow” is the harshly limited ultimatum posed to teenagers, and most of us haven’t heard it since high school. Back then, I’m pretty sure I knew girls who answered both ways. Not being on the receiving end of fellatio, I took little note of who said what or why.

While one hand soaked and the other’s nails were filed, I wondered, “does anyone really spit?” Do women actually take ejaculate into their mouths and then spit it out because they object to swallowing? Is there a reason for objecting to swallowing other than disliking the taste? Doesn’t everyone know that tastebuds are on the tongue and not in the stomach?

While my polish was applied, I determined that no, no one spits. At least not anyone out of high school, and probably not even teenagers, given the extent of information and entertainment on the internet. That might have been that (I’m good at deciding things and singularly declaring them to be true) if the subject hadn’t come up later that night.

Our spit vs. swallow conversation derived from the topic of sexual education and the darnedest things kids say. A friend’s pre-teen had recently learned that oral sex is a thing, and wondered why people do it.

“So, but, do kids actually still talk about ‘spit or swallow’?” I interjected. Does ANYONE spit? I mean, for reasons other than being stimulated by the visual of spitting and then maybe licking it back up?”

I got a few blank looks and the familiar comment, “You’re on the other far side of the spectrum.”

Someone suggested I conduct I survey. We all admitted that, coming from Taboo’s social media followers, the results would be extremely biased. Then I did it anyway.

Here’s what my seven question, extremely biased “Let’s Talk About Head” survey taught me:

60% of women really enjoy giving head. 30% dig it when they’re in the mood, and 10% will do it to please their partners. Conversely, a whopping 90% of men love performing oral sex and only one responded that he didn’t enjoy it at all.

When it comes to climax, 75% of women and 84% of men want to do it in their partners’ mouths.

When I asked how women feel about their partner climaxing in their mouths, 58% said it turns them on. 33% responded “It’s nice, I guess.” 7% refuse it.

Contrarily, 88% of my male respondents are turned on by receiving orgasm orally! High fives!

 Finally, do women spit or swallow?

My super-scientifically sound survey determines that 79% of women swallow.

7% spit because they don’t don’t enjoy swallowing, 5% spit because they find it erotic, and 9% never let ejaculate touch their lips. Those who find spitting erotic were some of the first to respond, so I’m pretty sure they’re my employees, but I stand by the authenticity of my results.

So, okay, a few of you do spit. Color me the teensiest bit wrong and the slightest bit confused. However, I like it when sexual practices surprise me. It means folks are keeping it fresh, which is one of the first rules of good sex.

Another is being true to yourself. While pushing personal boundaries is often stimulating, no one should feel pressured to participate in what makes them uncomfortable.

You do you, but I’ll leave you with a healthful facts about semen:

  • Is a natural anti-depressant
  • Contains anti-anxiety hormones
  • Encourages better sleep through melatonin
  • Improves memory and brain function
  • Contains zinc, an antioxidant that slows aging

Cheers.

10 Best Libido Boosts When You Have Breast Cancer

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Breast cancer can be detrimental to your sexiness. Undergoing extensive treatments from surgery to medication and radiation, stress, anxiety, changes in body image, side effects of treatment, pain, hormone fluctuations and even depression can negatively affect your libido. However, the good news is that you can heal and regain your sexual health during treatment and beyond.

With the understanding that each individual is different, here are 10 steps to help get your sexy back.

#1. Take Control

It’s a fact that some medications and treatments that help to fight cancer have side effects that can diminish your libido.  Observing what time of day or night you feel most energetic or more relaxed can help you tap into your own comfort level with regard to romance or sexuality. A vital part of getting your sexy back is to know yourself so that you can better share that inner sexpot with your partner.

#2. Love Who You Are

The first step in improving relationships with others is to take an inward look at yourself to build self-confidence and self-esteem.  If you’re single and not dating anyone special, there’s no need to share your medical history or disclose your cancer. Be sure to let your date see all of your healthy qualities, fun attributes and fabulous personality. Then see if there is any relationship possibility before you disclose your prognosis, as you do not want to define yourself by your physical condition.

#3. Healing Inside & Outside

Different people may experience varying levels of physical, mental and social anguish, but it is important to remember that there is hope. If you have a lack of desire from a hormone imbalance, or issues with body image or just a lack of support and understanding, it may contribute to social withdrawal, canceling plans with friends, shying away from family functions, etc. Reaching out is key to improving the whole person on the inside and the outside.

#4. Be Heard

The best way to clear feelings of fear, guilt, insecurity or even neglect is through open and honest communication. I know it’s not always easy to ask for what you want; so one way to start is to ask for little things like a hug. Then let your partner know where you are emotionally by telling them explicitly with no holds-barred honesty. One of the fundamentals to accessing your sexiness and letting go of inhibitions is feeling heard. Provide open communication about your needs to help make you feel sexy again, even if it is just patience!

#5.  Surrender To Pleasure

Remove yourself from reality and create your own sensory escapism like Shangri-La, a place of paradise and bliss. Light the bathroom with candles, put on soothing music, and fill the tub with bubbles and warm water. Enjoy the way you feel. Release yourself from negative thoughts and worries. Focus on the delight of eating some of your favorite foods such as chocolates or ice cream and get into a sexy state of mind by enhancing all five of your senses. Surrender to pleasure.

#6. Heal With Laughter

Humor and playfulness with friends, family, dates or lovers can trigger positive thoughts and emotional connections. Laughter is also a powerful remedy for pain, stress, depression and whatever ails you as it releases feel good hormones and prompts healthy changes in the body. Watch comedies on TV, at the movies or share jokes and funny stories to experience the healing power of laughter as it improves your mental, emotional and physical health.

#7. Keep Up Your Sexycises

Physical exercises can help to reduce the risk of breast cancer and help people to feel better while going through cancer treatments. A balance of aerobic, strength training, stretching is important, but always check with your doctor before undergoing any strenuous exercise regiment. Do your Kegel exercises regularly, but especially right before sexual intercourse to get the blood flowing to your sexual organs and strengthen the vaginal muscles. Medical devices for women like the Intensity or Apex do your kegel exercises for you while men can use PrivateGym. Remember, men get breast cancer too.

#8.  Connect Through Mindful Touch

Perhaps your illness is one of life’s challenges that will make you stronger as an individual and potentially draw you and your partner closer as a couple. Especially during trying times, couples need to communicate their needs, so tell your partner that a healing massage would be a great way to relieve tension, improve blood circulation and relax your mind and body. Tell him or her the places you would like to be massaged the most. Massage is a mutually satisfying way of helping couples to exhibit intimacy for one another.  It is a precious gift that you can give to your partner when they need it most.

#9. Use Love Scents To Lift Your Spirit

Jasmine, rosemary, and sage are said to increase arousal when rubbed on the skin. Applying them to erogenous zones like the neck and to stress-carrying areas like the back, lower tension can stir sensuous feelings. For intimate dryness, be sure to have some lubricant ready to make sexual intercourse more comfortable and reduce friction or discomfort. Lubricants can also enhance masturbation for a smoother, silkier and wetter solo-sexual experience.

#10. Practice Neuroloveology

The brain is the most important sex organ in your body, and its neural pathways are changeable. When the brain taps into a peak pleasurable experience, it doesn’t know whether you are living it or just thinking it, and will release feel-good chemicals that flood your body. So fantasize freely and give yourself erotic pleasure! If you maintain optimistic thinking, the other sexual parts of your being will organize themselves to stay within your cognitive powers. For more sexy neuro-cises, read Neuroloveology.

10 Tips For An Awesome Anal August

By
Victoria Reuveni
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August is Anal Pleasure Month! What better time to give it a try if you haven’t, or have fun doing it if you already love it? It may not be for everyone, but without a few crucial tips, you might not be giving it the best shot, and you could be missing out on an exciting array of sensations.

Keep in mind that butt play is great for folks with a prostate too! It can be a gateway to learning how to have multiple orgasms as well as orgasms not directly involving the penis.

Try this advice to make the experience wetter & better!

1. Lube!

This cannot be understated: The ass does not self-lubricate like the vagina does. The anal lining is very thin, so it is more susceptible to tearing than the vagina. To keep things nice and slick, grab a gel-like water-based lube for some cushion, or some silicone lube to last a really long time, or even a nice creamy hybrid, which will last a bit longer than water-based, but is easier to wash away than silicone.

2. Warm Up

You have to romance the ass. Take your time. Don’t rush into it. Many of us have seen scenes in porn where suddenly anal sex is happening. In some cases, that is do-able, but usually for those who have had a lot of practice. Most of us need time to warm up and work our way up gradually to larger toys or appendages. Spend time on the anal opening – slow circles, massaging gently, before going all in.

3. Go S-L-O-W-L-Y

The ass has a TON of nerve endings, so it feels, very acutely, what is going on. Especially when you’re starting out, go very slowly. If you think you’re going slow, go slower.

4. Pay Attention to Your Body

If anything hurts, STOP. There is a huge (problematic) misconception that anal play is supposed to hurt. This is so not true! There is a difference between “this is a new and uncomfortable feeling” and “ow this is the worst thing ever.” Pay attention. It might just be that you need more lube, or the position you are in isn’t working for you, or the toy is a bit too big so you might have to scale down.

5. Play Sober

A drink or two may not be a problem. But if you have trouble articulating, communicating, and feeling, you might end up going too far, too quickly, and possibly hurt yourself.

6. Never Use Numbing Agents!

This is bad, bad news folks. You need the information that your nerves are sending to your brain, because they tell you when to slow down or stop.

AND!

If you have to stop because something hurts, go out as slowly as you went in. Do not yank it out quickly.

7. Without a Base, Without a Trace

When using toys be sure to only use ones (plugs, dildos, etc) with a base. It would not be a fun time to lose something up your bum. It might involve a trip to the ER and just all around discomfort. Be smart with what you stick in your body.

Add More Lube!

Don’t be shy! Wetter is better. If you’re with a partner, don’t be afraid to ask for more lube.

8. Breathe!

It helps you to relax and get centered. And, the more you breathe, the more you feel.

9. Safer Sex

Safer sex is important! The penetrator can wear an external (“male”) condom OR the person being penetrated can use an internal condom (“female;” fc2) – just take the inner ring out! The internal condom hangs out of the anus a bit which also covers a bit more skin!

10. Have Fun!

Nothing is worth doing if you aren’t enjoying yourself! Happy Anal August!

Manly Toys For May Masturbation Month

By
Carrie Borzillo
-

For most guys, their hand, some lotion, and a little privacy is all they need for a successful masturbation session. Hell, sometimes the lotion isn’t even needed… or the privacy for that matter. The point being – men are simpler than women when it comes to getting off.

But the problem is, in their simplicity, they often miss out on some great masturbation toys because they think they don’t need it, which is why we’re dedicating this article for May’s Masturbation Month to male masturbation devices.

You see, in my not-so-humble experience, most men don’t realize how amazing masturbation – either solo or mutual masturbation sessions with a partner – can be with the aid some of the fancy toys out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 men I’ve been with have never used a stroker, a fake pussy, or any other masturbation device on the market. They think it’s “weird” or “unnecessary.” But, when I spring one on them, let’s just say: Masturbation. Game. Changer!

Guys, if you’re still shaking your head “no,” just read with an open mind. Ladies, these items make for great gift ideas for your man.

Guybrator – Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo

You might have heard about this on Saturday Night Live, but Hot Octopuss’ PULSE, the world’s first Guybrator, is no joke. The male masturbator was featured on SNL when the savvy London-based sex toy company erected a “GuyFi” booth in NYC for men to “self-soothe” as a marketing stunt in January 2016. The stunt created insane brand awareness for the award-winning product and increased visitors to their website from 1,000 to 20,000 in just three hours following the event.

What’s unique about the PULSE II Solo (their male-only toy for $99) is that is uses oscillation technology instead of vibration. “We’ve created a high amplitude, deep basey vibration, which is better for stimulating men. The regular vibration used in female toys works great for women, but not for men,” says co-founder/inventor Adam Lewis.

PULSE can be used in two ways: With lubricant and without. With lubricant, the man lubricates his penis, inserts it into the unit, and masturbates with the device. Or, he can insert his penis into the toy without lubricant, turn the toy on, and, as Lewis puts it “it finishes him off without having to do anything whatsoever. So it’s the lazy toy in that respect.”

It’s also great for men with erectile dysfunction issue. “We discovered that men can actually orgasm completely flaccid. For example, if a man suffers from prostate cancer and he no longer can get an erection, he would’ve probably given up masturbating because it’s like pulling on a rubber string. However, he can use PULSE completely flaccid and still achieve an orgasm. Or it’s good for a man suffering from erectile dysfunction who just has a hard time getting an erection, this can help him get one,” adds Lewis.

Also, be sure to check out their couples’ toy as well – the PULSE II Duo ($139). The toy is worn by him, but provides vibrations on both sides to pleasure both partners.

Blowjob Robot

Male Masturbation - Auto Blow

There was clearly a demand for robot that can blow you because when founder/creator Brian Sloan set a goal of $275,000 for his Autoblow 2, they ended up raising $318,000 instead. More than 100,000 units at about $159.95 a pop of this robotic oral sex simulator for men have been sold since it debuted in 2014, and the demand is so high that they even released an Autoblow 2.

What’s the fuss? It’s hands’ free, has several speeds, and can go up until 1,000 hours or until “your dick falls off,” as Sloan says in their hilarious how-to video. “The Autoblow 2+ is more powerful and we added an extra row of beads plus covered the springs which used to wear away at the sleeves. We made a new sleeve with Real Doll to give guys something nicer to look at than the relatively strange looking mouth we created,” says Sloan.

Prostate Massagers

Male Masturbation Hugo Black
LELO Hugo in black

We’ve covered oral and hands, now let’s talk anal. LELO reports that with prostate stimulation, the size of the male orgasm can increase by 33% and prolonged use of prostate massage can help alleviate symptoms of erectile dysfunction.

The company offers three vibrating prostate massagers: Hugo ($219), Bruno ($169), and Loki ($169). They’re like the three little bears of prostate massagers – Hugo’s the most powerful with its hands-free feature and 8 settings for the more experienced man, Bruno’s somewhere in the middle, and Loki, which is hand-held for manual stimulation, is better suited for the beginner.

Male Masturbation Bruno Purple
LELO Bruno in purple
Male Masturbation Loki Federal Blue
LELO Loki in blue

“Although the prostate can be reached with fingers it’s near impossible to do solo without the aid of a tool,” says Sunny Megatron, sex educator and host of “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” “If you have a partner to help with the massage it can be very stressful on their fingers, hands, and wrists making it difficult to maintain for long periods. Massagers not only make things easier in that regard, the vibration also gives more pleasure options than a stationary object.”

Travel Toys

Male Masturbation Travel Pump

If your boyfriend or husband travels a lot and has a wondering eye, this is the perfect gift for him. Why have him be tempted by the prostitute in the hotel lobby bar on that business trip when you can send him off with Nasstoy’s Travel Pump? It’s a compact travel kit ($50) with two interchangeable bases (one for suction like a BJ and one with a vagina base for sex simulation) in three powerful suction settings, as well as 4 cock rings and a discrete zippered shaving kit-style carrying bag. Remember, for better suction results, shave your pubic hair!

Simple Strokers

If you don’t want to spend a lot of money or dive into the more complex items, there’s a bevy of simple strokers available for $10-$20. Doc Johnson’s Mood Pleaser masturbators, for instance, comes in a very artsy shape with four distinct internal textures (massage beads, thin ribbed, zigzag, and thick ribbed) and four stylish colors (frost, purple, blue, and orange).

Male Masturbation Doc Johnson Mood Pleaser Purple 1Male Masturbation Helping Head

My favorite stroker to enhance my BJ game is Doc Johnson’s GoodHead Helping Head ($12). It’s a 2-inch mini-stroker that I use to stroke my partner’s penis as I’m giving him head. It makes my “job” a lot easier. You can use these with lube or without, but it’s better with! This is a great intro toy to the guy who is sex-toy-shy.

How To Take A Dick Pic

By
Carrie Borzillo
-

Everyone is doing it, so you mind as well learn how to take a good shot. But, before we get started, the first rule of thumb is to only send one to someone who asked for it. Most women don’t appreciate an unsolicited photo of your cock.

While it used to be considered a crass, immature thing that only Tinder users do as a 20-something booty-call tactic, the truth is that there are a rising number of committed couples that have realized the power of sexting with their mate. And, while sexting doesn’t have to include naked photos, it’s a nice way to get your partner in the mood…if you do it right!

A prime example of an epic fail on this front comes from one of my friends who has been married for over 10 years. She and her husband started sexting each other to spice things up. It’s actually good foreplay, especially if you sext during the day to get him excited to come home and, well, come with you.

Unfortunately, my friend’s husband made a few critical mistakes. His first mistake taking the photo in the bathroom with the toilet seat up and not flushed. When he tried again, some of their kids’ toys were in the background. Toilets and children didn’t exactly get her hot and heavy.

Taking a good dick pic is such a “thing” now that there’s even a New York photographer who is making a business out of it. Soraya Doolbaz, who calls herself “a professional dick photographer,” takes the traditional dick pic up a notch by creating little costumes from doll outfits and personalities for her male models. Her “Dicture Gallery” features guys’ penises dressed up as everything from Napoleon Boner Parte to Dongye West to Adolf Clit Tickler. She even exhibited her photographs at the world-famous Art Basil in Miami last year.

If you don’t want to go that far, just follow these simple tips for your own dick selfies…

Trim the Trunk

Proper grooming is always the first best step to anything sex or genital related. Make sure you’re trimmed up nicely… unless full bush is truly your thing. But, if it is, please remember that most women don’t dig the ’70s bush.

Edit the Scene

Just like setting the scene for Skype sex, it’s important to be aware of your background. It’s more about what you don’t want to show – the toilet, dirty towels, toothbrushes, kid or pet toys, and clutter, etc. If you take the shot in a mirror, look what’s in the reflection and edit out anything that is not sexy.

Consider Your Privacy

If you are afraid of getting hacked or confused about how can get into your Cloud, it’s perfectly fine to send a photo that doesn’t show your face. In fact, some women find it sexier…even if you have a handsome mug. “My boyfriend sent me a dick pic once with his full body and face in it and the look on his face just cracked me up. He was trying too hard to look sexy for the camera, that it kind of backfired. Just a pic of his junk would’ve been hot enough,” says Rachel, 35.

Use a Filter

A well-lit penis can make the difference between a reaction of “ewww” and “ooohhh!” If you can’t figure out the best lighting for your Johnson,    then make good use of filters on your phone. A great filter can help diminish the look of veins, uneven skin color, and even slight blemishes. Black and white is a cool way to go as well.

“A guy I had been talking to sent me a dick pic. The part of his penis that is always exposed was one color – slightly grayish. But, the extended part when he got hard was a nice pink color. I was grossed out by the two-tone,” says Sara, 27.

Position the Pole

The right angle can make your penis look larger. You need to take a lot of test shots from different angles to find your key position. Do a solo photo shoot to figure this out and then have the images saved for when the time comes that a penis pic is requested. If you want to show off your length and girth, put a water bottle in the shot.

Lying down in bed is the sexiest because then every time he says he’s going to bed, I’ll have that image in my head. And, it makes me think that he’s lying there about to jerk off to me, which is super flattering. It’s a great visual. I can’t get my guy’s pic out of mind and I look at it often. The head sticking out of her cool boxers is another way to go.

All right guys, your penis is now ready for its close-up!

10 Ways To Make Time For Sex Over The Holidays – Even If You’re Single

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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The holidays are right around the corner, but that’s no reason to give up on finding love or keeping your couples passion sizzling hot.  If you’re in a relationship, the in-laws might be driving you crazy or the kids and pets may keep jumping up on the bed ruining your chances for intimacy. Or, if you’re single, you might feel lonely or left out, and wish the stupid cozy, romantic season would just end already.

That’s why I’ve come up with ten great ideas for couples and singles to make love and sex a priority this season.

10 Tips For Couples

  1. Plan for sex by making a date ahead of time – tell your in-laws to take the kids to a movie, or go for it in the middle of the afternoon when no one is home. And make sure to keep the conversation about intimacy on the date!
  2. Being quiet while you’re having sex can super-charge your erotic experience, especially if your family or friends are in the next room. Giggling like teenagers in your childhood bedroom has its own kinky rewards, so don’t be too quick to rule it out.
  3. Use technology to build anticipation. Send your partner sexts describing what you’d like to do during the day to make them smile, and invite them to rendezvous later.
  4. Quickies never go out of style. You might only have fifteen minutes alone with your partner, so make out passionately, give each other oral pleasure or tease with a little striptease. Sex doesn’t always have to be a marathon.
  5. Put some sexy toys on your partner’s gift list so that you can share new experiences together and have even more fulfilling sex.
  6. Do a “sexy wish exchange” with your partner. Exchange a fun list of three things that could heighten a romantic, sensual and sexual experience for you with your partner, as in: “I wish you would give me a sensual massage.”
  7. Eat chocolate! Chocolate releases neurotransmitters such as Dopamine and Serotonin that can work as an anti-depressant and make us feel like we are happier or even in love!
  8. Steal a kiss with your lover at least twice a day in the morning and at night but make your smooches last for at least 12 seconds! This is a sure way to maintain passion and intimacy in your relationship. An added bonus is that the man transfers testosterone from his saliva to a woman’s mouth during passionate kissing. You can get away from the crowd for 12 seconds, right?
  9. Play a sexy game – Are you a couple lucky enough to be alone together for the holidays? Have a playful night of strip poker, truth or dare or try one of the many adventures in my book The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games.
  10. Watch or read erotica together. You may be surprised how quickly you’ll both be in the mood if you indulge in some sexy movies or read passages from a naughty book to each other.

If you’re single, make the season a sexy one by treating yourself as if you are madly in love with you! The first step is to lower your stress, which triggers cortisol levels and then increase oxytocin, known as the love hormone.

10 Tips For Singles

  1. Laughter is the best medicine and releases bursts of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, so go to a comedy club or watch a funny movie.
  2. Listening to soothing music releases oxytocin, so listen when you are in stressful situations such as driving in rush hour or cooking. Also, listen to your favorite music without multitasking as studies show that just listening to music for 30 minutes a day is as healthy as meditation.
  3. Do accept invitations to parties and don’t be afraid to go out with someone new on a date even if you know they are not who you are looking for, they could introduce you to your soul mate, become a great friend or even a business contact.
  4. Sexycise to stay in shape and release feel-good endorphins by going to the gym, taking a yoga or Pilates class and even going for a walk in the park or on a beach, which can lead to meeting another sexyciser!
  5. Solo sex with some warming lube is a great way to heat up a cool winter night. Self-pleasuring can boost your immunity so you’ll be less likely to get a pesky cold!
  6. Buy yourself a naughty gift such as satin sheets, new undies, a sex toy, erotic DVD or a sexy book.
  7. Remember that being alone without being lonely is very healthy – so own it! It’s not a negative thing that you need to be ashamed of, it’s an opportunity to reflect on the kind of partner you would want in your life.
  8. Write a list of things you would do if you had your dream partner – why can’t you do them anyway? Take a stroll downtown to enjoy the holiday lights or take yourself out for dinner, to a movie, theatre or a concert and enjoy!
  9. Pamper yourself! Book a massage, a facial, a mani and pedi, or a whole day at the spa! Self-love brings more love toward you.
  10. Get festive and decorate your home, then curl up with a great movie and a glass of wine or cup of tea. Even if no one will see your efforts, YOU will. And that’s the point. You’re worth it. Now take a selfie!

 

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