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What Does She Really Think Of Your Penis?

By
Carrie Borzillo
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Men certainly obsess over their penises more than woman do their breasts. Is it big enough? Is it long enough? Are my balls weird looking? Let me let you into a little secret: We don’t really care what your penis looks like. We care about what you do with it (and your oral and hand skills too) and how you treat us.

Still, there are some common issues that we have with your junk. But the good news is, resourceful women find a way around them. Here’s what we found…

Extreme Sizes

Though it’s the first thing we notice about your penis, size doesn’t really matter to most women. In fact, researchers at UCLA reported that 84% of women feel “very satisfied” with their partner’s penis size. But, many women don’t like a penis that is too big or too small.

“His penis was about 10-inches long and very girthy. My first thought was not, ‘Wow. I’m a lucky lady.” It was, ‘Shit! How am I going to get this thing in my mouth and will it hurt my vagina?!’ Big is not always better. But, with a lot of foreplay to warm me up and lube, we worked it out,” says Lyndsey, 32.

On the flip side, Tina, 38, had a hard time adjusting to a below-average penis. (Studies show that the average penis size is 5.1-5.8 inches erect.) “It was so short and thin that I would’ve broken up with him over it if he hadn’t been good at oral and sex toys… and he was a great guy, so we made it work,” she says.

Crazy Curves

While Sean, 34, feels “blessed” to have had a “decent selection” of cock over the years, one penis threw him for a loop – literally. “It was so crooked it looked like a candy cane. I didn’t know what to do with it – lick it like a candy cane? We still had fun though, it just made me stop and go, ‘Whoa.'”

Like Sean, Lisa, 29, was also dumbfounded when she came eye to eye with her first curved penis. “It was weird. I didn’t know what to do with it! It curved way down. It didn’t turn me off, but I wish he said something or warned me. I did some research and apparently a curvature like that is good for doggy style, so I’ll be ready when I see him next.”

That said, if your curvature prohibits you from having sex, it could be Peyronie’s disease and a trip to your urologist is a must.

Uncircumcised Surprises

With a whopping 80% of men in the U.S. circumcised, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it’s no wonder that many women are stunned when they come head to head with a whole lotta foreskin for the first time.

“I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m a little weirded-out by uncircumcised penises,” says Janet, 45. “The problem is that I wasn’t sure what to do with it. Do I pull it down before I put it in my mouth? It needs to come with an instruction manual or guys need to realize it’s sometimes confusing to women and maybe they can show or tell us what to do.”

The other problem, women report, is the fear of what’s lurking under all that foreskin, such as fuzz and lint or that white sticky substance known as smegma. If she’s grossed out, tell her that smegma is “completely sterile,” says Dr. Brian Steixner, MD, the director of the Institute for Men’s Health at Jersey Urology Group.

“It’s just a naturally produced substance a combination of shed skin cells, oil from skin, and some moisture. But, guys do need to wipe it down with a warm washcloth before sex and clean it in the shower regularly,” adds Dr. Steixner.

Bald Balls

The debate over pubic hair rages on. But one thing is certain: No one likes a full bush. But, to be bald or not to be bald? That is the still the lingering question. Most women we spoke to do not find a totally hairless sack attractive… and here’s why.

“I don’t like it. I get distracted. And then I think, ‘If he’s obsessed with his hair there is he judging mine right now?’ If we started dating, would he be OCD with the dishes and other things?” says Candace, 31.

When in doubt, err on the side of caution and give your junk a nice 5 o’clock shadow instead – neatly trimmed was the consensus in Is Pubic Hair Making a Comeback?

Stink D*#k

Just like you don’t enjoy going down on a foul-smelling vagina, we don’t like having a rank rod in our face. “My mouth is not going anywhere near anything that smells gamey,” says Janet, or, really, says every woman.

It’s simple guys: Wash up before you get down. Yes, this might mean you need to take a time-out in the throws of passion to duck into the bathroom to clean your cock. But, trust me, she’ll appreciate it. “The quickest way to wash your penis is with soap and water, but remember to rinse well so that your dick doesn’t taste like soap,” says Dr. Steixner.

 

The 7 Sins of Online Dating

By
Anka Radakovich
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It seems like everyone is doing it: meeting people online. Whether its Tinder, Grindr, Match.com, and now Instagram, everyone seems to be doing something wrong.

Author Lindsay Alexandra Dawaon (L.A. Dawson) author of Waiting Online For Love, recently developed a quick cheat sheet for singles. The cheat sheet discuss the 7 deadly sins of online dating.

  1. LYING– “Your profile picture must be within a year,” says Dawson. “If you have a first meet and the person you meet does not match the picture you saw online, it is akin to lying.” In other words, don’t be a “catfisher” and post a photo you took 15 years and and 25 pounds ago.
  2. REVEALING TOO MUCH TOO SOON– Don’t be all TMI on the first date. Nobody wants to hear about your AA meetings, your neurotic ex, or even worse, how you cheated on your ex and now regret it.  “By the time you finish your tales of woe” says Dawson, “they are about to run away from you.”
  3. NOT KNOWING IF YOU WANT CASUAL SEX OR A RELATIONSHIP– Don’t pretend you want a “relationship” if you are just trying to get laid and have 10 other people on the rotation. “If you tell a person that you want a relationship and in reality you want something casual you are doing everyone a disservice,” says Dawson. “Figure out what it is you are looking for before you break someone’s heart. Men will put that they want a relationship on their profile because they know that many women prefer a man who wants one.” It ends up biting everyone in the ass.
  4. WANTING A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT ALLOWING VULNERABILITY -“If you truly want a relationship you must accept exposing your vulnerability,” says Dawson. Opening your heart to the possibility of love is a necessity to finding deep love. Along the way be ready in case the right person comes along and “your casual thing” just became “the real thing.” But we will add that you should put your online object of affection “on probation” for three months or so to see if they are even worthy of giving your heart to.
  5. TAKING FAMILIAR LIBERTIES BEFORE THEIR TIME– Women hate it when guys are all over them on the first date. “Especially when you go a first date and you are too touchy feely, you are going to offend your date,” says Dawson. We also don’t want to hear what your kinkiest fantasies are on the first date if we’re not sure we even like you.
  6. SPEAK THE TRUTH IF THERE IS NO CHEMISTRY-Sexual chemistry is usually an instant thing. You’re either turned on to someone or you’re not. It can’t be forced. “After a few dates if you do not develop chemistry, be honest,” she says. Chemistry is or isn’t almost immediately on a first date.”
  7. MAKING ASSUMPTIONS – Don’t assume anything or you will be disappointed. The person you just met could be married with two kids. “You are strangers when you meet,” says Dawson. Do not assume anything in the process.  You may approach relationships completely differently. Talk about it to see if you are on the same page.  If you decide to become exclusive…discuss it.  Do not assume the other person is ready for exclusivity.” Especially when he/she is having dinner with you and getting a million text messages.

How To Take A Dick Pic

By
Carrie Borzillo
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Everyone is doing it, so you mind as well learn how to take a good shot. But, before we get started, the first rule of thumb is to only send one to someone who asked for it. Most women don’t appreciate an unsolicited photo of your cock.

While it used to be considered a crass, immature thing that only Tinder users do as a 20-something booty-call tactic, the truth is that there are a rising number of committed couples that have realized the power of sexting with their mate. And, while sexting doesn’t have to include naked photos, it’s a nice way to get your partner in the mood…if you do it right!

A prime example of an epic fail on this front comes from one of my friends who has been married for over 10 years. She and her husband started sexting each other to spice things up. It’s actually good foreplay, especially if you sext during the day to get him excited to come home and, well, come with you.

Unfortunately, my friend’s husband made a few critical mistakes. His first mistake taking the photo in the bathroom with the toilet seat up and not flushed. When he tried again, some of their kids’ toys were in the background. Toilets and children didn’t exactly get her hot and heavy.

Taking a good dick pic is such a “thing” now that there’s even a New York photographer who is making a business out of it. Soraya Doolbaz, who calls herself “a professional dick photographer,” takes the traditional dick pic up a notch by creating little costumes from doll outfits and personalities for her male models. Her “Dicture Gallery” features guys’ penises dressed up as everything from Napoleon Boner Parte to Dongye West to Adolf Clit Tickler. She even exhibited her photographs at the world-famous Art Basil in Miami last year.

If you don’t want to go that far, just follow these simple tips for your own dick selfies…

Trim the Trunk

Proper grooming is always the first best step to anything sex or genital related. Make sure you’re trimmed up nicely… unless full bush is truly your thing. But, if it is, please remember that most women don’t dig the ’70s bush.

Edit the Scene

Just like setting the scene for Skype sex, it’s important to be aware of your background. It’s more about what you don’t want to show – the toilet, dirty towels, toothbrushes, kid or pet toys, and clutter, etc. If you take the shot in a mirror, look what’s in the reflection and edit out anything that is not sexy.

Consider Your Privacy

If you are afraid of getting hacked or confused about how can get into your Cloud, it’s perfectly fine to send a photo that doesn’t show your face. In fact, some women find it sexier…even if you have a handsome mug. “My boyfriend sent me a dick pic once with his full body and face in it and the look on his face just cracked me up. He was trying too hard to look sexy for the camera, that it kind of backfired. Just a pic of his junk would’ve been hot enough,” says Rachel, 35.

Use a Filter

A well-lit penis can make the difference between a reaction of “ewww” and “ooohhh!” If you can’t figure out the best lighting for your Johnson,    then make good use of filters on your phone. A great filter can help diminish the look of veins, uneven skin color, and even slight blemishes. Black and white is a cool way to go as well.

“A guy I had been talking to sent me a dick pic. The part of his penis that is always exposed was one color – slightly grayish. But, the extended part when he got hard was a nice pink color. I was grossed out by the two-tone,” says Sara, 27.

Position the Pole

The right angle can make your penis look larger. You need to take a lot of test shots from different angles to find your key position. Do a solo photo shoot to figure this out and then have the images saved for when the time comes that a penis pic is requested. If you want to show off your length and girth, put a water bottle in the shot.

Lying down in bed is the sexiest because then every time he says he’s going to bed, I’ll have that image in my head. And, it makes me think that he’s lying there about to jerk off to me, which is super flattering. It’s a great visual. I can’t get my guy’s pic out of mind and I look at it often. The head sticking out of her cool boxers is another way to go.

All right guys, your penis is now ready for its close-up!

Is Her Cleavage Giving You the Green Light?

By
Carrie Borzillo
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Love signals are often hard to see or interpret. For instance, if she’s staring in your eyes and hanging on your every word, does it mean she’s romantically interested in you? Perhaps. Or, it just means she’s a good listener and you’re a good talker. But, when it comes to sexier signals – especially related to man’s best friend, the boobs – all reasoning seems to go out the window.

Men are obsessed with breasts. That’s why when a woman accidentally brushes them with her knockers, wears a plunging neckline, or dares to shimmy her assets anywhere near their eyesight, they wonder, “Is she flirting with me? Did she do that on purpose?” My male friends often come to me with these tales and ask me to help decipher the signs for them.

I’m here to demystify what her boobs may, or may not, be trying to relay to you.

The Boob Brush

Her Story: Nine times out of 10, when a woman passes by you and brushes her boobs up against you, it’s really not what you hope it is. “As a waitress, I’ve accidentally clocked a guy in the head with my breasts when I was bending down to put his plate down,” says Meghan, 27.

Hairdressers and masseuses do it all the time as well. “I never do it on purpose, but it does happen and sometimes the guy will then start to get flirty with me because he’s thinking I did it for him. But, I did it once on purpose to a guy in a bar to get his attention, so I can see how guys would get confused,” says Lisa, 17.

What To Do: It can be confusing. That’s why you need another sign combined with the tit-ilating contact to truly take it as a green light to flirt. “Try striking up a conversation, smile and flirt and if she does the same back then that’s a better sign that she’s interested,” says Julie Spira, founder of Cyberdating.com.

My advice is to break the ice with this: “Well, your boobs and my arm have met; maybe I should introduce myself. Hi, I’m Carl.” “If you aren’t sure, it’s probably best to not respond right away; you don’t want to come off creepy,” says relationship coach Marni Battista, founder of DatingWithDignity.com.

(For more on the boob brush, check out my Men’s Health article: Are Her Boobs Trying to Tell You Something?)

The Big Stretch

Her Story: If a woman takes an exaggerated yawn and puts her arms over her head for a big stretch, which naturally makes her breasts stick out in your direction, it certainly can mean she’s peacocking for you. I know because I’ve done this even wrote about it in my chapter on flirting in Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend and to Living Life Like a Rock Star (Simon & Schuster).

But, naturally, it can also mean, she’s just yawning and not aware that she’s sticking her boobs out in the process.

What To Do: Pay attention to the other non-verbal moves she makes. “Sometimes a stretch is just a stretch. Don’t assume she likes you… unless she looks you in the eyes or smiles. If she does that, say something flirty like, ‘Looks like you could use a coffee’ or

Is it yoga time?'” says Spira.

The Plunging Neckline

Her Story: Sometimes showing a lot of cleavage and wearing a highly provocative outfit means she is hoping her date will advance to the next level. “If I have a hot date and want to get laid, of course, I’m going to wear something sexy, show a lot of cleavage,” says Chrissy, 35. Other times, as with Joanna, 39, it’s simply about fashion. “I just like V-necks. That’s it. Period. I’m not trying to fuck you every time I show cleavage,” she says.

What To Do: This one is tricky. “Women know that men undress them with their eyes, so it could mean a hook-up is on her mind,” says Spira. Or, it means she’s just confident. “She’s not always screaming for attention. It can just be confidence in herself and her sexuality,” says sex therapist Chris Donaghue, Ph.D. Cleavage aside, another non-verbal cue to look for is to see if her body is turned toward you and leaning in as you talk, says Dr. Donaghue.

The Boob Job Reference

Her Story: Many assume that when a woman invests in $10,000 boob job that she’s looking for compliments. And, that can be true. “Yes, I want compliments! Absolutely,” laughs Michelle, 32, who got her breasts augmented to a size 34DD. Some women even bring up the fact that they got a boob job. So, is that an invitation to say, “nice tits?” Not quite.

What To Do: If a woman actually acknowledges her breast augmentation on her own, a polite compliment might be expected. “A guy on a first date said to me, ‘You have such a classic figure.” I liked that. If he said, ‘Nice tits!” it would’ve been a turn-off,” says Michelle.

But, keep in mind, many women who get boob jobs, get it for them. “Although it’s attractive to you too, women don’t always need your validation. Getting a boob job is fairly common and shouldn’t make you think that a woman is promiscuous or needing attention or that it’s okay to make a comment about them,” says Battista.

 

Give The Perfect V-Day VJ: Cunninglingus Tips

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Give the perfect VJ for the sexiest Valentine’s Day gift ever!

These oral sex techniques will create truly memorable sex and have her begging for more.

Start Slow to Build Sexual Anticipation

First, slowly and sensuously caress, kiss and lick every part of her body from head to toe. You can use your own breath, hair or a feather to tease her hot spots and give her goosebumps. Use your cool and warm breath, followed by a variation of short flicking motions and long lapping motions with your tongue on the nape of her neck, her throat, between her breasts, over her hips, and then romantically kiss and lick the inside of her thighs to create sexual anticipation.

Since most women orgasm through oral sex more often than through sexual intercourse, it’s very important to get to know a woman’s vulva and vagina up close and personal. It you want to rock her world, you need to know how to heighten her arousal one step at a time in slow motion.

Encourage her to lie back comfortably with a pillow under her head and another under her buttocks. Raising her pelvis with a pillow will provide you with the best access to her clitoris, vagina and anus. It will also help alleviate strain from your neck. Keep her legs spread flat on the bed so that you can lie between them.

Explore Her Vulva like Her Mouth

You can’t go wrong if you make out with her vulva the same way as you do with her mouth, using your lips and tongue passionately.

Lavish the entire outside of the vagina with circular tongue motions and make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact with her as it increases the intimacy between you.

Get her mons as wet as you can with your mouth and passionately make out with it. When it comes to oral sex, enthusiasm is even more important than technique. Use your hands to draw her hips toward you.

Kissing Her Vagina

French kiss the inner and outer lips of her vagina as you use the flat of your tongue with consistent long strokes, pressure and speed from the bottom to the top of the vaginal opening.

Spread and suck on her lips gently while caressing her heart for a deeper heart connection. The more she trusts you, the more uninhibited she will be.

Pay attention to her body language. If she’s pushing her pelvis toward you, or doing a pelvic rocking motion, there’s a good chance that she’s having a great time. If she’s pulling her body away, then stop and ask what you can do to please her. Every woman is different!

Clitoris

Gently lick with a pointy tongue around the clitoral hood, and then on top of it, before pulling it back, as the 8000 clitoral nerve endings create intense sensitivity.

Try playfully writing the alphabet on her entire vulva with your tongue, continuing to twist and slide your tongue in different ways, alternating from up and down, side-to-side, small and big circles, soft and firm, quick and slow, pointed and flat. If all goes according to plan, she’ll have the big “O” before your get to the letter “O.”

Take in one big suck on her clitoris and gently shake your head from side to side as you breath through your nose. Beware of too much pressure and avoid using your teeth.

Suck on her clitoris as if it were a nipple. Wrap your lips around, and start sucking lightly, then add more pressure until she signals you to stop. Make humming sounds with your lips so they vibrate on her clitoris because ‘Mmmmmm’ is not just a sound, it’s a sensation that can awaken her most erotic senses. Then follow up with some very light finger taps directly on the clitoris for sexual peak sensation and go back and forth with your mouth and finger until it takes her over the edge.

Stroke her perineum (located between the anus and vaginal opening) gently while sucking on her clitoris.

Add Sensations

Suck on some ice before licking her clitoris, meanwhile, use your two thumbs to massage her labia in circular motions.

Drink some hot liquid and then suck and twirl your hot tongue over her clitoris. Be creative!

Don’t be shy about getting some help in the stimulation department. Sex toys can take the pressure of the giver, and women love them because they feel so good. Try the Lingo by Screaming O for added vibrations.

Change Positions

Try changing positions slightly in these creative ways, to increase access, switch things up and increase pleasure.

Place the woman’s legs over your shoulders so that you can hold her ankles. This is a great position for the giver of oral pleasure to feast their eyes on the woman’s entire vagina from top to bottom.

Try the woman sitting on her lover’s face, facing away. This position makes her feel uninhibited because her lover cannot see her face, but she is in total control of the angle, speed, motion and pressure of her oral satisfaction.

Swing her legs up and over as far as they’ll go comfortably. This is a highly erotic visual position for her lover to see her vagina fully protruding. It makes for easy oral access – especially to the G-spot.

Try doggy style with the woman on all fours and her butt high in the air. This is the best position for the giver of oral pleasure because the pressure is off their neck and back. I would recommend kneeling on the floor while the woman’s butt is angled over the bed. This gives you a great visual of her entire vulva for easy oral access and is also great because the woman can stimulate her clitoris simultaneously. Stick your tongue out as far as you can to lick her from her perineum to her clitoris and repeat until she is satisfied.

If you want to try some vertical fun, have her stand like a tulip before you and spread her labia. The sensation of being pleasured while standing in a dominant stance can add to the eroticism and satisfy a woman’s wildest fantasies. The receiver is in control here, so she can direct her lover’s dead and guide them to the exact angle and push their head back for gentler pressure

Penetration

Ask her if she’d like to feel a finger inside her, and it she responds positively,

slip one or two fingers inside her vagina (only if she’s already wet) and cross your index / middle finger, then move it in and out, twisting and rotating it corkscrew style as you gently lick her clitoris. Encourage her to tell you what she likes, as partner communication is key to experiencing great sex.

Steaming Diamond Technique

Take a washcloth and cut a four-inch diagonal slit in the middle. Then dip it in a bowl of hot water, wring it out and place the washcloth over her vagina at a 45 degree angle so that it looks like a diamond instead of a square. Line the slit up with her vagina and use your hands to press and hold the washcloth in place as you insert your tongue between the slit to make oral magic happen!

G-Spot Joy

Insert one or two fingers and discover her G-spot while licking her clitoris, but make sure she is already wet and willing. Begin by resting your thumb on her clitoris while inserting the middle finger of your prominent hand in a “come her” motion into her vagina, palm up. Just imagine there is a clock on the inside of your lover’s vagina and you are stroking from 6 o’clock (at the bottom of her vaginal opening) to 12 o’clock (her G-spot). Use long strokes, creating an energetic circuit between your thumb and finger. Now replace your thumb on her clitoris with your mouth and tap her G-spot with your finger while you lick her clitoris. If all goes well, she will have an internal and external orgasm simultaneously.

Let her push you away when her orgasm has ended. A woman’s orgasm can last much longer than a man’s by the way, especially a clitoral and G-spot orgasm combined, which can result in deeper, more intense spasms, followed by waves of pleasure until she feels like she’s going to explode. She may ejaculate, and that’s all part of the pleasure!

Tri-Gasm

The only technique to top the blended clitoral G-spot orgasm is the TriGasm!

A female TriGasm is the result of arousing three points of pleasure – the clitoris, G-spot and anus simultaneously.

Step 1: The woman should lie back while her partner lavishes her clitoris with oral pleasure until she has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10.

Step 2: Change course and stimulate her vulva in small circles with your tongue.

Step 3: Return to the clitoris and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9, almost to the point of no return.

Step 4: At this peak, insert your forefinger palm up into her vagina and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel.

Step 5: Simultaneously with steps 3 and 4, stimulate her anus gently with a vibrator to bring her to a mind-blowing, magical TriGasm!

Analingus

Give her erotic shivers by licking down her spine, swirling your tongue as you trail your way towards her butt. Gently open up her butt cheeks to see if she’s receptive to anal play.

Use the tip of your tongue to lick around her ass cheeks playfully. Some women enjoy a little light spanking in this position as it makes them feel very naughty. Be sure to watch for her body language as to whether she wants it lighter or harder.

Analingus involves kissing and licking up and down the ass crack, as well as sliding the tongue in and out of the anus itself. As a word of caution, you should know that the anus is not as clean as the vagina. In fact, it is filled with bacteria, so unprotected analingus can transmit viruses that include HIV, hepatitis, herpes and warts. Using a barrier such as a dental dam or even transparent food wrap can be fun and safe.

One more rule is that once your mouth or fingers touch your lover’s anus, her vagina is off limits, so no going from the back door to the front as it can spread bacteria.

But it’s worth the effort because the anal area, like the clitoris, has thousands of nerve endings that can drive her to sexual ecstasy.

As a new master or mistress of cunnilingus and analingus, you can do no wrong. These techniques and tips go a long way to creating peak sexual memories that will keep her happy, and not just on Valentine’s Day.

Read Carrie Borzillo’s Give The Perfect V-Day BJ here!

Valentine’s Day Relationship Inventory Test

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, or you just started dating someone new, Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion to evaluate your love life.

Sometimes a partner will look great “on paper” in terms of your similar interests or circle of friends, but then as things move forward, the daily behavior and interaction between you just doesn’t make your heart sing. What’s happening here? Is there anything you can do to figure it all out?

Yes there is, and it’s free and easy to accomplish. The truth is that a simple good versus bad list can help you clarify what’s working and what isn’t. Sure, relationships require compromise, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for being unhappy!

I’m sharing this sample list below from one of my clients, so that you can see the kinds of things I’m suggesting for your list. She had been dating this man for three months, and had sex with him after seven dates. She saw him twice after that before calling me for help. She was confused and conflicted about becoming his girlfriend. In her gut, she knew he wasn’t right for her, but she didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day this year.

I had my client write a list of his good and bad qualities. Reading the list, she had a revelation discovering the 15 bad qualities compared to only 10 good ones. Then I asked her what her 10 top priorities were to make her life better, and we checked off the ones that he could fulfill. She could only find 3 ways out of 10 that he could bring joy to her life, and could easily find 7 that would make her life more miserable.

This is how you can create your own list for your relationship. Make two columns – good and bad – and create your inventory list like this:

Relationship Inventory:

GOOD:                                                                   BAD:

 1. Old Friend  His home location is too far
 2. Kind  He has too many health issues
 3. Gentle   Hardly has any friends
 4. Good job  He goes to bed too late
 5. Financially stable  Doesn’t like to travel
 6. Intelligent   Pessimist prepares for the worse
 7. Romantic  Suffers from OCD & anxiety
8. Sense of humor  Homebody
 9. No kids or wives  Bad lover
 10. Gives compliments  Talks too long on phone
 11.  Political differences
 12.  Brags about old girlfriends
 13.  Complains a lot about people
14.  Shares all his problems
15.  Not generous

Okay, now that you’ve done the hard part, let’s analyze the data to answer the ultimate question of this exercise: Is this person going to make my life better?

Here’s how my client’s evaluation turned out based upon her lifestyle, her priorities, wants, needs and desires.

  1. Travel – NO
  2. Home – NO
  3. Generosity – NO
  4. Sex – NO
  5. Social – NO
  6. Conversation – NO
  7. Bedtime Compatibility – NO
  8. Romance – YES
  9. Compliments – YES
  10. Friendship – YES

So as you can see, the not-so-great news here is that the bad outweighs the good in this analysis. But the good news is that, armed with this information, this woman can now pinpoint the source of her frustration or disappointment within the relationship. Before my client left, I told her she had two choices. She could either discuss these issues with her partner and come to a resolution, or she could make an exit strategy to find someone with whom the good will outweigh the bad!

My client instinctively chose the latter, and I told her not to be sad because this man was just a stepping stone to finding a man worthy of her, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually. It was the first time I saw her smile, and she told me she felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off her.

You’re better off alone this Valentine’s Day than being with somebody who lacks the qualities that you are looking for in a relationship. Be your own Valentine, and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you!

10 Ways To Make Time For Sex Over The Holidays – Even If You’re Single

By
Dr. Ava Cadell
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The holidays are right around the corner, but that’s no reason to give up on finding love or keeping your couples passion sizzling hot.  If you’re in a relationship, the in-laws might be driving you crazy or the kids and pets may keep jumping up on the bed ruining your chances for intimacy. Or, if you’re single, you might feel lonely or left out, and wish the stupid cozy, romantic season would just end already.

That’s why I’ve come up with ten great ideas for couples and singles to make love and sex a priority this season.

10 Tips For Couples

  1. Plan for sex by making a date ahead of time – tell your in-laws to take the kids to a movie, or go for it in the middle of the afternoon when no one is home. And make sure to keep the conversation about intimacy on the date!
  2. Being quiet while you’re having sex can super-charge your erotic experience, especially if your family or friends are in the next room. Giggling like teenagers in your childhood bedroom has its own kinky rewards, so don’t be too quick to rule it out.
  3. Use technology to build anticipation. Send your partner sexts describing what you’d like to do during the day to make them smile, and invite them to rendezvous later.
  4. Quickies never go out of style. You might only have fifteen minutes alone with your partner, so make out passionately, give each other oral pleasure or tease with a little striptease. Sex doesn’t always have to be a marathon.
  5. Put some sexy toys on your partner’s gift list so that you can share new experiences together and have even more fulfilling sex.
  6. Do a “sexy wish exchange” with your partner. Exchange a fun list of three things that could heighten a romantic, sensual and sexual experience for you with your partner, as in: “I wish you would give me a sensual massage.”
  7. Eat chocolate! Chocolate releases neurotransmitters such as Dopamine and Serotonin that can work as an anti-depressant and make us feel like we are happier or even in love!
  8. Steal a kiss with your lover at least twice a day in the morning and at night but make your smooches last for at least 12 seconds! This is a sure way to maintain passion and intimacy in your relationship. An added bonus is that the man transfers testosterone from his saliva to a woman’s mouth during passionate kissing. You can get away from the crowd for 12 seconds, right?
  9. Play a sexy game – Are you a couple lucky enough to be alone together for the holidays? Have a playful night of strip poker, truth or dare or try one of the many adventures in my book The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games.
  10. Watch or read erotica together. You may be surprised how quickly you’ll both be in the mood if you indulge in some sexy movies or read passages from a naughty book to each other.

If you’re single, make the season a sexy one by treating yourself as if you are madly in love with you! The first step is to lower your stress, which triggers cortisol levels and then increase oxytocin, known as the love hormone.

10 Tips For Singles

  1. Laughter is the best medicine and releases bursts of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, so go to a comedy club or watch a funny movie.
  2. Listening to soothing music releases oxytocin, so listen when you are in stressful situations such as driving in rush hour or cooking. Also, listen to your favorite music without multitasking as studies show that just listening to music for 30 minutes a day is as healthy as meditation.
  3. Do accept invitations to parties and don’t be afraid to go out with someone new on a date even if you know they are not who you are looking for, they could introduce you to your soul mate, become a great friend or even a business contact.
  4. Sexycise to stay in shape and release feel-good endorphins by going to the gym, taking a yoga or Pilates class and even going for a walk in the park or on a beach, which can lead to meeting another sexyciser!
  5. Solo sex with some warming lube is a great way to heat up a cool winter night. Self-pleasuring can boost your immunity so you’ll be less likely to get a pesky cold!
  6. Buy yourself a naughty gift such as satin sheets, new undies, a sex toy, erotic DVD or a sexy book.
  7. Remember that being alone without being lonely is very healthy – so own it! It’s not a negative thing that you need to be ashamed of, it’s an opportunity to reflect on the kind of partner you would want in your life.
  8. Write a list of things you would do if you had your dream partner – why can’t you do them anyway? Take a stroll downtown to enjoy the holiday lights or take yourself out for dinner, to a movie, theatre or a concert and enjoy!
  9. Pamper yourself! Book a massage, a facial, a mani and pedi, or a whole day at the spa! Self-love brings more love toward you.
  10. Get festive and decorate your home, then curl up with a great movie and a glass of wine or cup of tea. Even if no one will see your efforts, YOU will. And that’s the point. You’re worth it. Now take a selfie!

 

Hooking Up: What Are The Emotional Risks?

By
Dr. TaMara Griffin
-

Have marriage, monogamy and longterm commitments really taken a back seat to casual sex?

“Hooking up,” “Friends with Benefits,” “Hit it and Quit it,” “Cuddle Buddies” – whatever you choose to call it – has become the focus of many Internet ‘dating’ sites, and has perhaps also become more socially acceptable, or even expected, if not glamorized in today’s society.

If this is the case, what are the implications for the emotional wellbeing of our dating population? Is the notion of ‘no strings attached’ – “NSA” – really the epitome of simplicity and sexual pleasure, or could it be a nightmare waiting to happen?

Frisky & Risky

Some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, some reports indicate that people are often left emotionally empty as well as physically and spiritually distressed. In addition, the emotional and distressed effects can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust.

Once someone has been a “Hook Up” for an extended period of time, they inevitably begin to crave more and emotions may become involved. It’s a natural progression of the emotional fidelity that develops when individuals continuously intermingle. This natural progression occurs when there is an exchange of physical energy along with the chemical hormones that are secreted from the brain every time people engage in sexual activities. These chemical hormones are responsible for “bonding” individuals together, which is why even long after we’ve stopped having sex with someone we still feel connected to them.

In fact, there are some serious consequences with a “no strings attached” sexual life that should be considered beforehand. Here are just a few;

  • Risk for sexually transmitted infections including HIV
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Potentially ruining friendships
  • Settling for less than you want and/or deserve
  • Loneliness
  • Depression
  • Lower to self-esteem
  • Spiritual conflicts
  • Inability to form healthier relationships

Right For Some People

On the other hand, engaging in sex with “NSA” can be just what the doctor ordered for some. The freedom of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life, and multiple partners without commitment can be a liberating way to explore sexual preferences, try on different sexual styles, and discover what you want and need sexually. It’s also a great way to discover and explore sexual fantasies without feeling fear, guilt or shame. “Hooking up” adds variety to a sex life, keeping things fresh and new. It’s an ideal arrangement for those who are more focused on work or other thing and do not have the desire to be in a committed relationship.

Rules For Hooking Up

Having a sexual relationship with no strings attached can be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and a breath-taking experience, but if you don’t understand or consent to the rules of engagement you might find yourself regretting the experience, or getting yourself into a very hectic situation. If you plan on having casual sex, you may consider some of the following tips before moving forward:

A Shared Understanding Is Essential

It’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the NSA arrangement. Each partner should have a clear understanding as well as mutual power and say in the situation.

Honesty & Communication Come First

Be upfront and direct regarding your intentions. Always communicate your expectations before getting into any relationship. Identify clear boundaries. If you find yourself developing feelings once you’re in the situation, communicate this to your partner as well. This will help to minimize confusion.

Find A Balance Between Physical Intimacy & Emotional Detachment

Remember this is just a casual arrangement. Expecting emotional intimacy is a sure way to set yourself up for heartache and disappointment.

Limit Time Together

This gets you into dangerous territory! When you start to spend more time together, someone will inevitably develop feelings. It also sends mixed messages and can create an uncomfortable situation.

Keep Your Feelings In Check

If you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, don’t convince yourself that he or she is feeling the same way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without reciprocation, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and either negotiate a change or end it all together.

Be Considerate

Don’t take advantage of the situation. If you suspect that your “Friend with Benefits” is developing feelings for you, do not lead them on. Initiate a discussion with them and/or end the situation immediately. Imagine how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Practice Safe Sex

Never take for granted the importance of safer sex. Even though you think you know and/or you may not be having sex with anyone else, it’s still important to use condoms. Consider the fact that there’s no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with. Be responsible for your sexual health.

Re-evaluate Your Situation And/Or Agreement

To ensure everyone is on the same page, it is important to re-evaluate the arrangement from time to time. If at any time you decide that the situation is no longer in your best interest, there should be an understanding that either of you can walk away or end things at anytime.

Sex NSA is certainly not for everybody! However, should this be your choice, make sure that you approach it with consent and a thorough understanding of the rules of engagement. Whenever it comes to any type of sexual relationship, honesty and communication are essential. You must not only be honest with yourself but also honest with the person(s) in the situation with you.

If it’s a relationship you’re looking for, do not accept a sex NSA arrangement. Do not enter into a NSA agreement hoping to change your partners mind or trick them into a relationship. You will be the only one to end up being hurt and potentially ruining the friendship. If at any time during the sex NSA agreement you start to notice a change in behavior, it’s important that you address the change immediately. First, decide if you even want to continue the sex NSA then discuss if the original NSA agreement needs modification or if the best course for all is to walk away.

10 Timeless Dating Tips

By
Dr. TaMara Griffin
-

Maybe you haven’t dated in a while, or a long while, and you feel left out of online dating trends and social media navigation. Or maybe you’re a savvy dater with profiles all over the Internet, sexting and tweeting your latest lover like a pro. Either way, there are some dating tips that just don’t go out of style.

1. Don’t Compromise Your Core Values Just For A Date!

Don’t settle. Do not waver when it comes to your core values and beliefs. Compromising core values and beliefs will end in disaster and regret of having gone on a string of unsatisfying dates. Establish your boundaries right at the beginning of any date to set a tone of confidence and mutual respect. If you have essential differences that can’t be bridged, don’t pretend it’s fine. It’s not, and you don’t need to waste time confirming this again and again.

2. Don’t Be Afraid To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

When we stay inside our perfect, nice and neat little boxes, we tend to miss out on the adventures of life! Life is meant to be lived, and sometime that means stepping outside our comfort zone and dancing with the unknown. Now let’s be clear, I am not suggested that you place yourself in harm’s way, but I am suggesting that you expand your horizons to try something different. Go new places and explore new things! Is there a gallery or museum you’ve been meaning to check out? A gym you’ve ‘almost’ joined a hundred times? Do it. Make a change and feel the power of your new energy. Develop a new mantra…vive la différence!

3. Be Honest With Yourself And Others

Be clear with your dating intentions. Ask yourself the following questions: 1) Am I dating to have fun? or 2) Am I dating for commitment? Based on your honest answer, you can then approach dating with clarity. Whatever your answer is, it’s ok. Just be upfront with yourself and your potential suitors. Trust me, no one likes the old bait and switch. In addition, this helps you weed out the individuals who do not have the same dating desires. If your dating desire is to find a potential life partner, choose to date only people who express that same desire. Remember, you can’t change people, so don’t set yourself up for failure.

4. Don’t B.S.!

Be yourself. Do not, I repeat, do not send your representative on YOUR date. Show up as your authentic self each and every time. This way your date has the opportunity to get to know the real you. And besides, trying to be someone or something that you’re not requires way too much brainpower and work. Why waste time trying to create this illusion or persona that your date may or may not like? If you present as yourself, then you don’t have to spend time trying to figure out who your date is really interested in, you or your alter ego.

5. Try A Dating Site

This one is for the ‘it’s been a while…’ daters. Yes it’s true, Internet dating is now a ‘timeless tip.’ And here’s another newsflash for you: the traditional methods of dating are becoming extinct, and it just might be a good thing! Good ole technology has created a dating pool that is easily accessible, and frequently makes excellent matches. Get a dating-savvy friend – or maybe your daughter or son! – to help you with your profile, and watch the possibilities pour in.

6. Ditch “The list”

Often times we talk ourselves out of the perfect date because we are being extremely judgment, overly critical or too skeptical. There’s nothing wrong with dating active Stop creating an unrealistic list that no one, including yourself, can ever live up to. It’s certainly ok to have core values and ideal characteristics that you want in a potential mate, but it’s also equally important to be flexible enough to allow for imperfections. For example, things like ‘kindness’ and ‘generosity’ are important. Hair color? Not so much. Decide what’s really important and non-negotiable and throw the rest of the “stuff” out the window or else you will end up spending the rest of your life with your list.

7. Would You Date Yourself?

Ask yourself this question. If the answer is no or if you’re hesitant in your response, then you have some work to do before you begin dating. Oftentimes we have expectations of others that we cannot even meet ourselves. Or we’re so broken from our past that we haven’t taken the time to heal properly. In either case, it’s important to pause for the cause. It’s not fair to take all of your baggage and drop it right in your date’s lap. What I suggest to my clients is to date yourself. Learn who you are and what you like first. Be sure that you’re ready to start fresh. Remember we draw unto to us the very same energy we put out. So, if you’re putting out mess, then that’s exactly what you’ll receive in return.

8. Stop Looking For Love In A Nightclub!

I’m not saying that it’s impossible, but the nightclub is probably not the best place to find a date. People hang out in night clubs and bars for two reasons: 1) to hang out with friends or 2) to find a random “hook up.” Now, if you’re in the market for a night of random indiscretions, then the nightclub may be the place for you. However if you’re looking for something little more substantial, try looking for potential dates in places that truly interest you, or where you can find people who share a commonality. For example, if you’re a jazz aficionado, try frequenting a vintage record store or concerts in the park. This is a much more likely venue to meet your potential mate.

9. Dating Is NOT Synonymous With Sex

Somewhere along the trajectory of the last few decades, dating became “hooking up,” which became synonymous with casual sex. Dating in its true essence is an intentional process that involves getting to know one another in a friendship context while assessing one’s suitability as a potential partner. Sex is not a requirement for that. It’s certainly your choice to engage in casual sex if you consent, however, please be aware of the intended and unintended consequences. Be forewarned that casual sex does not come without a cost: physical, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, energetically, biochemically, socially, etc.

10. It’s Ok To Excuse Yourself

Never allow yourself to stay in a dating situation that makes you uncomfortable. It is totally acceptable to excuse yourself and end the date. If you are on a date and you feel uncomfortable, politely find a way to excuse yourself and exit stage left. And if the date was extremely questionable, find a way to remove the person from your dating line up all together. When in doubt, follow your gut. When people show you who they are, believe it!

While these tips will not guarantee that you will never have the date from hell, they can definitely take some guess work out of the equation and keep you on a promising path. Learn to embrace the joy of showing up authentically each time, and you’ll start to love the dating process. Of course, that is when the perfect mate will appear.

Today’s Dating Tips To Avoid Tomorrow’s Drama

By
Anka Radakovich
-

This is a public service announcement for girls who date guys. If I were still in my 20’s, these are the three things I would have told myself after the first date, which would have saved me the trouble of entering into a relationship that showed all the signs of being trouble. All of these presented themselves on the first date, when red flags were waving in my face. But I ignored them, basically because I thought the guy was “cute.” You’ve done it. Don’t do it.

1.) “Never date a man who hates his mother,” according to my Mother. She suggests that a good question to ask on a first date is “How do you get along with your mother?” This way you find out if he’s a loving, well adjusted person or a complete psycho. If he says “Not very well, she was controlling,” or anything in that vein, run for your freaking life, and don’t let him run after you trying to control you.

2.) Don’t sleep with a guy on the first date. If he really pushes you to sleep with him an hour after you’ve met, he is one of the following: married, “in a relationship,” or a male slut. I know hooking up is supposed to be cool, but please, get to know someone a bit; courtship is the fun part. The more you sleep with someone you just met, the less chance he will call you back. Like, ever. However, if you really don’t want him to call you back after you just jumped in bed with him, disregard this advice and sleep with him immediately.

3.) Don’t be all T.M.I. Don’t tell him too much or anything on the first date he can use against you. Be mysterious. I know it’s really hard to be mysterious when you’re revealing everything including your ass crack on your Instagram and Facebook, but be more mysterious in general. This also goes for revealing the details of your sexual activities to co-workers. I once made the mistake of telling an editor at Details that I got finger-banged in the back of a taxi by another co-worker, and he made sure to tell everyone in the office. The guy I started dating wouldn’t date me anymore and was forever re-named “Tommy Hilfinger.”

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