10 Timeless Dating Tips

Maybe you haven’t dated in a while, or a long while, and you feel left out of online dating trends and social media navigation. Or maybe you’re a savvy dater with profiles all over the Internet, sexting and tweeting your latest lover like a pro. Either way, there are some dating tips that just don’t go out of style.

1. Don’t Compromise Your Core Values Just For A Date!

Don’t settle. Do not waver when it comes to your core values and beliefs. Compromising core values and beliefs will end in disaster and regret of having gone on a string of unsatisfying dates. Establish your boundaries right at the beginning of any date to set a tone of confidence and mutual respect. If you have essential differences that can’t be bridged, don’t pretend it’s fine. It’s not, and you don’t need to waste time confirming this again and again.

2. Don’t Be Afraid To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

When we stay inside our perfect, nice and neat little boxes, we tend to miss out on the adventures of life! Life is meant to be lived, and sometime that means stepping outside our comfort zone and dancing with the unknown. Now let’s be clear, I am not suggested that you place yourself in harm’s way, but I am suggesting that you expand your horizons to try something different. Go new places and explore new things! Is there a gallery or museum you’ve been meaning to check out? A gym you’ve ‘almost’ joined a hundred times? Do it. Make a change and feel the power of your new energy. Develop a new mantra…vive la différence!

3. Be Honest With Yourself And Others

Be clear with your dating intentions. Ask yourself the following questions: 1) Am I dating to have fun? or 2) Am I dating for commitment? Based on your honest answer, you can then approach dating with clarity. Whatever your answer is, it’s ok. Just be upfront with yourself and your potential suitors. Trust me, no one likes the old bait and switch. In addition, this helps you weed out the individuals who do not have the same dating desires. If your dating desire is to find a potential life partner, choose to date only people who express that same desire. Remember, you can’t change people, so don’t set yourself up for failure.

4. Don’t B.S.!

Be yourself. Do not, I repeat, do not send your representative on YOUR date. Show up as your authentic self each and every time. This way your date has the opportunity to get to know the real you. And besides, trying to be someone or something that you’re not requires way too much brainpower and work. Why waste time trying to create this illusion or persona that your date may or may not like? If you present as yourself, then you don’t have to spend time trying to figure out who your date is really interested in, you or your alter ego.

5. Try A Dating Site

This one is for the ‘it’s been a while…’ daters. Yes it’s true, Internet dating is now a ‘timeless tip.’ And here’s another newsflash for you: the traditional methods of dating are becoming extinct, and it just might be a good thing! Good ole technology has created a dating pool that is easily accessible, and frequently makes excellent matches. Get a dating-savvy friend – or maybe your daughter or son! – to help you with your profile, and watch the possibilities pour in.

6. Ditch “The list”

Often times we talk ourselves out of the perfect date because we are being extremely judgment, overly critical or too skeptical. There’s nothing wrong with dating active Stop creating an unrealistic list that no one, including yourself, can ever live up to. It’s certainly ok to have core values and ideal characteristics that you want in a potential mate, but it’s also equally important to be flexible enough to allow for imperfections. For example, things like ‘kindness’ and ‘generosity’ are important. Hair color? Not so much. Decide what’s really important and non-negotiable and throw the rest of the “stuff” out the window or else you will end up spending the rest of your life with your list.

7. Would You Date Yourself?

Ask yourself this question. If the answer is no or if you’re hesitant in your response, then you have some work to do before you begin dating. Oftentimes we have expectations of others that we cannot even meet ourselves. Or we’re so broken from our past that we haven’t taken the time to heal properly. In either case, it’s important to pause for the cause. It’s not fair to take all of your baggage and drop it right in your date’s lap. What I suggest to my clients is to date yourself. Learn who you are and what you like first. Be sure that you’re ready to start fresh. Remember we draw unto to us the very same energy we put out. So, if you’re putting out mess, then that’s exactly what you’ll receive in return.

8. Stop Looking For Love In A Nightclub!

I’m not saying that it’s impossible, but the nightclub is probably not the best place to find a date. People hang out in night clubs and bars for two reasons: 1) to hang out with friends or 2) to find a random “hook up.” Now, if you’re in the market for a night of random indiscretions, then the nightclub may be the place for you. However if you’re looking for something little more substantial, try looking for potential dates in places that truly interest you, or where you can find people who share a commonality. For example, if you’re a jazz aficionado, try frequenting a vintage record store or concerts in the park. This is a much more likely venue to meet your potential mate.

9. Dating Is NOT Synonymous With Sex

Somewhere along the trajectory of the last few decades, dating became “hooking up,” which became synonymous with casual sex. Dating in its true essence is an intentional process that involves getting to know one another in a friendship context while assessing one’s suitability as a potential partner. Sex is not a requirement for that. It’s certainly your choice to engage in casual sex if you consent, however, please be aware of the intended and unintended consequences. Be forewarned that casual sex does not come without a cost: physical, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, energetically, biochemically, socially, etc.

10. It’s Ok To Excuse Yourself

Never allow yourself to stay in a dating situation that makes you uncomfortable. It is totally acceptable to excuse yourself and end the date. If you are on a date and you feel uncomfortable, politely find a way to excuse yourself and exit stage left. And if the date was extremely questionable, find a way to remove the person from your dating line up all together. When in doubt, follow your gut. When people show you who they are, believe it!

While these tips will not guarantee that you will never have the date from hell, they can definitely take some guess work out of the equation and keep you on a promising path. Learn to embrace the joy of showing up authentically each time, and you’ll start to love the dating process. Of course, that is when the perfect mate will appear.

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Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a certified clinical sexologist, sex therapist, best selling author and powerful motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara- Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Dr. TaMara is the National Correspondent and a “Thought Leader” for the Association of Black Sexologist and Clinicians. She is also a member of the American College of Sexologists International. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook at LIFE by Dr. TaMara or Instagram, or her Live Inspired Feel Empowered (L.I.F.E.) blog www.drtamaragriffin.com. Join Dr. TaMara movement of Healthy Sexuality #HowDareINot #ISaveLives www.howdareinot.com.


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