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Orgasm Tips by D Shade

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The Sexual Response Cycle – ORGASM

By
Debra Shade
-
Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

The Sexual Response Cycle – ORGASM

Your orgasm is created. Before you set this aside because you know how to create an orgasm, give this article two minutes. Two minutes to find out why you are having unfilled sexual experiences with every lover. If you know just this little bit about getting yourself and them to that marvelous orgasm, you must know the phases of creation.

Physical and emotional changes occur as a person becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, including intercourse and masturbation. The sexual response cycle has four phases:

  • desire (libido)
  • arousal (excitement)
  • orgasm (release)
  • resolution (come down)

Most bodies experience these phases, the timing usually is different, and while it is unlikely to happen without putting in the work, both partners may reach orgasm at the same time.

In addition, the intensity of pleasure along the response cycle and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences may help partners better understand one another’s bodies and reactions to enhance the sexual experience. Understanding the sexual response cycle can give you a framework for a better understanding of how you go from zero to orgasm every time.

If, for example, you know that you need to be aroused longer than your partner does to orgasm, you’ll want to begin building arousing earlier.

  1. The Anticipation phase is the point of time when you want to be touched but haven’t started yet.
  2. The Excitement phase is far more active than the anticipation phase. In the excitement phase, you are building arousal. 

The higher the arousal level for an individual, the more intense the release is going to be.  Go from a very still, tired, or smug resolution to a full body thrashing, screaming, growling, grunting super wet, and fully intense release.

Get tips on the six internal and six external vulva orgasms and the pleasure of anal and the sought-after dry ejaculation for penis owners in Climax: The Power of Great Sex. Written for you my orgasmic friend!! This heightened orgasm and all its pleasure is steeped in that perfect storm of hormones that I am always talking about.  Serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine collaborate to induce physical signs you can watch for in your mate to continue the pleasure stimulation. There is a slew of activities you can implement for the stimulation of a person. The point is to drive them to the point of grunting and sweating by reading their body.

This is not something that is going to take place in a few seconds, if you have the time, build arousal until they are begging for more of whatever stimulation you have going on. Look and listen for an increased heart rate and flushed skin. Check to see if their breathing is faster and if their nipples are hardened. We all have nipples! The increased blood flow will swell the labia and cause the clitoris to become engorged. The penis erection is fully noticeable and may have pre-cum at the urethra opening.

The phase that happens next is necessary for sustained pleasure. The Plateau is putting your experience on ten! The physical signs you had during the excitement phase are so elevated the person begins to lose contact with being “proper”, “shy”, and “nervous” all the things on the orgasm plate that prevent a person from staying present in pleasure.  The pleasurable distraction includes you being all in at that moment.

Photo by IFONNX Toys on Unsplash

The orgasm itself is accompanied by a series of physical reactions on its own. The person is having involuntary muscle tension and contractions.  Please encourage them to breathe and pull in long breaths of air and push it out while the tension relaxes. Ask them to breathe in less and out faster and finally, they should be breathing in and out so quickly it’s panting. This is what you want to be looking for. 

Total relaxation and sexual movement are involuntary and should receive no shame. Is the person moaning, groaning, or making any signs of pleasure vocally? This is a great time to lean into the person, oxytocin is boiling inside, the sense of closeness will be elevated, and dopamine is fueling the fire of passion and creating an even higher heart rate, faster breathing, and feverish squirming.

Resolution is the comedown after the big release when your muscles relax, and your body is flooded with the perfect storm of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Rest in it.  Allow your body to accept the flow of hormones and chemicals that are left from the arousal telling your body that all is well, and you can lay in the aftermath until your breathing returns to normal. So let me wrap this back around to you. Take note, this info is going to raise your game and your own orgasm. Yup, you can use it when masturbating as well.

Phase 1: Excitement

General characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include muscle tension. The heart rate quickens and breathing accelerates, the skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back). Nipples become hardened or erect, and blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the vulva owner’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the penis owner’s penis. Vaginal lubrication begins, the vulva owner’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell and lubricate. The penis owner’s testicles swell, their scrotum tightens and begins secreting a lubricating liquid.

Phase 2: Plateau

General characteristics of the plateau phase, which extends to the brink of orgasm, include the changes begun in phase one are intensified. The vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn a dark purple. The vulva owner’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis.

The penis owner’s testicles tighten. Breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure continue to increase. Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands. Muscle tension increases, be completely open to pleasure.

Phase 3: Orgasm

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

Ah, the grand finale – the orgasm! This is the peak of the pleasure rollercoaster, and boy, is it different for everyone! From a lightning-fast flash to a decadent twenty-minute show, orgasms come in all shapes and sizes.

Get ready for some involuntary muscle magic – your body’s about to start doing its thing. Your blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing hit peak performance levels as if you’re competing in an Olympic sprint.

Ever noticed your feet doing a little dance? Yep, that’s part of the show too. Cue the fireworks! There’s a sudden, explosive release of all that built-up sexual tension. For vulva owners, it’s all about those rhythmic contractions in the vagina and uterus – talk about a workout!

Meanwhile, penis owners experience their own fireworks display, with rhythmic contractions leading to ejaculation. And hey, don’t be surprised if you notice a lovely “sex flush” – a rosy rash that may grace your entire body. It’s all part of the fun!

Phase 4: Resolution

During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning and the swollen and erect body parts return to their previous size and color. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy, and, often, a strong sense of fatigue.

Some vulva owners are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. Penis owners need recovery time after orgasm, called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. Some can react from an energetic stimulation that will cause the feeling of an intense orgasm through the penis owner’s body but there will be no ejaculate. This takes practice but can be done.

The duration of the refractory period varies among penis owners and usually lengthens with advancing age. Another model has added the emotion you feel to even want to have sex.  Desire. Desire refers to the emotional state of, well, desiring sex! This phase isn’t associated with any physical reaction, but it is with emotional ones!

Does everyone follow this response cycle? Nope! Everyone’s pleasure journey is unique, and sometimes it might take more effort to reach the finish line. But fear not – with a little work and determination, overcoming barriers and reaching orgasm is totally achievable!

If you’re aiming to reach the finish line but come up short, frustration might creep in. Ever heard of that feeling of pelvic congestion or heaviness? Yep, it’s like that! Penis owners sometimes call it “blue balls,” but guess what? It’s not exclusive to them – anyone can feel it, no matter their anatomy.

The good news? This uncomfortable sensation typically fades away once blood flow in the area goes back to its usual levels, usually within 30 to 60 minutes. So, hang in there – relief is on its way! In fact, some know this as orgasm control or orgasm denial, edging is a sexy way to intentionally explore delaying The Big Finish or keeping it from happening altogether. This kind of kinky play, however, isn’t something you decide to explore mid-action. Rather, it’s something you talk about and plan. So, if you’re in the middle of a partnered sex session and not having an orgasm, it’s probably not because your partner is edging you.

As a Clinical Sexologist, I want to assure you that experiencing difficulty in reaching climax is more common than you may think. Research suggests that anywhere from 5 to 40 percent of individuals encounter challenges in achieving orgasm. However, it’s important to note that this becomes a medical concern only when it causes significant distress or disruption in your life.

If you’re finding yourself struggling in this area, know that you’re not alone, and I’m here to offer support and guidance on your journey to pleasure. Whether the barriers are physical, psychological, or emotional, I’m dedicated to working alongside you to address and overcome them.

Sometimes, difficulty reaching orgasm can be linked to underlying factors such as hormone imbalances or the side effects of medications you may be taking. By identifying and addressing these root causes, we can work towards enhancing your sexual well-being and satisfaction.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to me – it would be my honor to assist you in navigating this aspect of your sexual health and empowering you to experience the pleasure and fulfillment you deserve. 

Debra Shade

 

 

Erogenous Zones: Hot-Spots that Will Drive Him Wild!

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Daniel Torobekov from Pexels

Erogenous Zones: Hot-Spots that Will Drive Him Wild!

So, you have performed oral, rode them crazy and handled the penis like a stick shift. What else is there to do? Much!

Adding some fresh, new moves can spruce up what you have tried and tested before. The penis born body has so many erotic points to be explored. These zones cause arousal and extends, expands and enlighten additional methods to orgasm. From the sides and back of the neck, armpits, chest, inner arms and thighs, a tickle, a stroke or a lick uses the sensory of anticipation to create a sexual response. Within sex, you can get to know a person by stimulating their erogenous zones.

Where there is less hair, it is reported to have more sensitivity. You can blindfold or use lube for any action you do on the body. Be mindful that anticipation is the key. Be prepared for any reaction and follow the lead of the person as you go ahead and experiment.

Tease Him

Let me tell you what you can do with the rest of that delicious body. Use your imagination and theirs. Let them have some time to consider your touch before your fingers arrive on their skin. The ultimate tease. Just pretend like you’re sexting and say those things to them in real life. The base of the spine can send tingles throughout the body that can be felt in the toes. You can do temperature play in this area and send them over the edge.

His Mouth

The tips of their fingers have many nerves and respond to even the lightest of touches. Placing your finger or fingers into their mouth and massage the inner jaws, tongue, roof of the mouth, without reaching to far back to cause them to gag. Pull their fingers into your mouth much as you would a penis. Use saliva to create a wetness while rolling your tongue over and around the fingers.

His Armpits

The erogenous zone of the armpits is a very individualized sensitivity experience. If you use intense and suspenseful touches and strokes, you should elicit some arousal. Don’t go too light as to tickle them. The softer skin of the inner arm and the crease that is the mid-arm bend are very sensitive to hand, feet or mouth manipulation. Vigorous kneading and light kisses can induce erection or ejaculation without touching the penis.

Shrimping?

Shrimpin’ anyone? Yes, this is what it’s called when you suck on your partner’s toes. This is so erotic because feet are a nonconventional hotbed of sensation just waiting for some stimulation.

His Bottom

Striking their butt cheek, even lightly, tends to stimulate the whole area. Think of it like a slow vibration flowing through their insides. If your mate is open to a little spank play, this is great to do while they are on top of you in any variation of missionary.

Sloshing

Oil or other wet substances in the sex act is a fetish. Most call it sloshing. Place towels or an additional sheet on the bed/surface and generously pour baby oil on your entire front and their entire body. Use your body to massage theirs.

His Lips

The lips in general are one of the most sensitive parts of the body. Take your time while kissing. There’s a reason why nibbling and variation in pressure can drive you over the edge when done correctly. Keeping the lower lip inside yours, magnifies the sensation. It’ll feel as if electric currents are shooting from your lips straight to their genitals.

His Neck

The Adam’s apple is an erogenous zone, thought behind this stems from how the thyroid is closely linked to the sex organs. The clavicle area and the back of the neck have sensitive nerve endings that can be stroked or licked to arousal. Keep your tongue flat and light, not too much pressure! For all individuals you can massage the area with wide circular motions to ensure you’re hitting that T-spot of the thyroid.

Mmm Nipples!

Nipples are even more sensitive than other body parts since for some, they may not be used to having them touched so often. Touch them, however, and you’ll send shock waves of pleasure radiating throughout the body. Concentrated attention to the nipple may result in an increase of oxytocin and prolactin that causes a significant amount of arousal, specifically in the genitals.

His Earlobes

Playing with the earlobes can send shivers down the spine. Kiss your partner across their shoulder, up the neck, and stopping right before you hit the ear. Do this to both sides. Do these things and you will find yourself giving the best orgasms ever.

Dating Tips & The Art of Flirting

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Nancy Nguyen on Unsplash

Hello luvs! Happy holidays to you and yours.

I am so excited to be wrapping up this year on the topic of dating. Dating has morphed into many things over the last year or so and I am hoping you have been keeping up with the flow. Being “beautiful” isn’t enough anymore. Folks are looking for personalities. They are looking to connect with someone who gets them just as they are.

While there are many, many games being played on the dating field, if you can play your way through the mess, you just might find the person(s) you are looking for. Someone who sees you as you are. Sees your personality and how it gels with theirs. So value your strength and intellect. Let this build confidence in your ability to be seen as wanted. See yourself as the prize. When you know your value, you teach others how to value you. This garners respect and attracts people to you. Learn to love and respect yourself so that you can give freely.

Dating Tips …

Relationships require honesty but I’m suggesting you not be totally transparent. Don’t spill your guts or come out the gate with sorrow and grief. You may turn the person off if they are not equipped to handle what your saying. Be yourself, don’t agree with things you disagree with, just don’t be mean about it. Find the balance of sharing what is appropriate at each stage of the dating process.

Listen, you can help your relationship blossom by giving it space to breathe. Maintain your own life. Make them miss you without neglecting them. Letting them know that you are open to dating them gives foundation for the relationship to grow on. Be sure that all parts are growing at the same time. If there is to be a bond, you will need some healthy separation.

Now remember when I wrote about not playing games when it comes to dating. Understand that I know they are going to be playing some games. It is supposedly the way we are supposed to know if someone likes us or not. How fifth grade of us. Play along if the game is not toxic and does not make you step away from the core of you. Its Okay to let them know that you will not tolerate games. This will age the relationship quickly as this period is avoided. When you take games off the table guessing whether the person “likes” you is off the table. There should be mutual sharing and growth. This will give you the motivation you need to continue dating them.

& The Art of Flirting…


Where you want to spend your time while dating is in the art of flirting. You should never stop flirting with your mate(s). Flirting is an extension of your uniqueness. Whether you need to practice it or not, flirting speaks to your personality. Little things like a light touch during the convo would make them think of you sexually. Flirting is based on attraction between parties, but you can learn to flirt properly and keep an air of excitement in the relationship that develops from dating. Pushing and pulling is one of the most effective ways to flirt. It takes a balance of the two for it to work in your favor. The art of teasing is intentionally ruffling their feathers so they can be affected by what you say. A great balance shows your sense of humor and other personality traits that will create attraction.

Dating is like a dance…

Photo by Peter Fitzpatrick on Unsplash

The dating pool is vast. There are a lot of piranhas, but I like to think that there are perfect relationships waiting to develop for those who learn how to date while expressing themselves and their values. Dating is a dance and like dancing it takes practice. You will have a few bites along the way to your perfect situation, however, you need to stay in the pool. Stick to your core and your list of must haves and do the work needed to find your match. Within the conversation be nice and naughty, challenge them and compliment them when needed. Don’t hold back on what feels right because of some outdated thought you have been holding on to.

These thoughts hinder the ability to date successfully. These are called stuck points and these thought patterns can lead to unhealthy dating. Do an emotional check-in with yourself to determine if you can enter the dating pool and once in, can you navigate it to a successful match. Dating works.

Labels Beyond Gay and Straight

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Tim Samuel from Pexels

Defining Sexuality

The way we define our sexuality is as unique as the way we define ourselves, and the key is to understand what all the various terms mean. What if you didn’t have the word “straight” in your vocabulary. What if the terms heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, et cetera, did not exist? One less topic of division and judgement. How different would you behave? We can all play a part in getting to a space where orientation, expression and presentation isn’t a trigger for anyone.

Photo by spl.ids.ag.uk

The Difference Between Sex and Gender

There’s a lot of information out there about sex and gender. And by sex, I don’t mean the various activities that could make up the act of sex. I mean the biological differences between males and females and the fact that gender is not the same thing. As a result, sex and gender are often confusing subjects for many. Sex refers to a person’s biological characteristics. While most people determine sex based on external genitalia, it also involves hormone ratios, chromosomal makeup and more. In other words, sex may not be as simple as you assume.

What is Intersex?

Since medical professionals often rely on external observations instead of internalized medicine or tests to assign sex categories, designated female at birth or assigned male at birth. The use of “intersex” is to designate individuals who, at birth, may not physically match the expected norms of male and female. Intersex individuals are as common as red heads. These assignments are based on a visual presence of a penis, clitoris, or a version of both.

Photo by Luan Lustosa from Pexels

What is Gender versus Gender Identity?

Gender, in contrast, is often used in reference to at least three factors: presentation, social roles and identity. If someone assigned as female at birth likes pink, for example, we associate pink as a “feminine” color and thus socially appropriate. If someone assigned as male likes pink, that individual may be bullied for liking a color associated with what the culture deems feminine. In this way, a person can use norms to present their gender to the world.

Gender identity, however, is invisible. It is the person’s idea of themselves. While it may be influenced by the society around them, it is often tested by questions like, “If there was no judgement, what would you want to look like?” Gender identity does not have to fit the presentation, social norms, or even the expectations of the person’s body. Someone can identify as a mix of genders, such as bigender, or feel they move between genders, such as gender fluid. They could even identify as having no gender at all, such as agender.

 

What is Transgender?

The term transgender, which is an adjective, is often used as an umbrella term to refer to people whose sex does not line up with their presentation and identity (among other characteristics, but naming just the two to help you get a basic understanding). For people whose sex, presentation, and identity line up, the term is cisgender. So, if you were born with a vulva and vagina, have always felt you were a girl or woman, and present yourself as such to society, you are considered a cis woman.

How to Ask About People’s Pronouns

So, although it may be human nature to be curious, being respectful means respecting people’s privacy. Do not ask people about their status or whether they plan to have surgery. Asking about their pronouns is OK. Also, give basic dignity and respect. If someone introduces themselves to you and says their name is Paula, but you had heard their name was Paul, this person is telling you their name is Paula. Just go with it. The only person who has the power to label you, is YOU!

LGBTQIA* Terms & Pronouns

So, let me share some general information about several terms the LGBTQIA* community uses which will make you a great ally. For starters, a binary system is something made up of two opposing parts. Gender (man/woman) and sex (male/female) are examples of binary systems.

Bisexual: A term that describes someone who is attracted to both men and women, or to more than one gender identity.

Gay: It is common for “gay” to be used by anyone who is attracted to their same sex or gender.


Gender Expression: How we express our gender identity on the outside.

Gender Identity: Our internal, personal sense of what our gender is. Everyone has a gender identity. You should also know the pronouns that can be used based on preference. They, Them, Theirs. He, Him, His. She, Her, Hers, Z. e, Hir, Hirs. Xe, Xem, Xyrs. Nothing. Yes, not choosing a pronoun is OK too.

Why You Should Attend A Cuddle Party

By
Debra Shade
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I love, love, love the energy and healing I get from attending a Cuddle Party.  I hear so many different things about the experience and I can firsthand tell you that the experience you have is up to you.  First, no one is having sex at a Cuddle Party. There are boundaries that are adhered to by all attendees. There are some rules and they are respected. I have never had a negative event, so I am a fan of cuddling.

I want to become a facilitator for Cuddling Parties.  It takes training and there is a foundation that offers a weekend program that includes coaching, CPR, and facilitator skills. I would love to add this to my resume of services that I offer my clients.  A cuddle/puddle is an experience designed to allow people to experience non-sexual, group physical intimacy through cuddling.  Of course, you must ask permission and receive an energetic yes before you touch anyone. You can change your mind at any time. You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.

The environment is cozy, and the pleasure comes from the release of oxytocin! It helps when there is soft music and munchies.  It is necessary to tell you that there should be no intoxicants. The only high should be natural.  You should be clear-minded and open to receiving the energy from the puddle. At the end of the event, there is a closing “ceremony” that includes a conversation of thoughts from the event.  As a facilitator, I love the thought of helping individuals open themselves up from the benefits of Cuddle Parties.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Participants are often in a state of cuddle intoxication at the end. Feeling a sense of connection with the group that they never would have anticipated at the beginning of the event.  Folks are free to exchange hugs, phone numbers and receive thank you’s from the facilitator for making the cuddle party special. I think that could be so fulfilling. So here is what I have experienced at cuddle parties that may sway you to try it. The first thing you do is change into pajamas.

Oh, and clothing matters.  Wear something that is not risqué. Something comfortable not sexy.  Think no lace, no shorts but drawstrings. Bring a pillow or anything that makes you feel safe and comfortable. There was no liquor, and everyone seemed lucid.  There was sparkling cider and water to go with fruit and crackers.  The setup was very calm and inviting. We sat in a circle until we began to connect with others.

We created a welcome circle where we were all welcomed to create the structure and safe space for socializing. We were able to introduce ourselves and we played a get to know you game that allowed me to sync with the environment.  We were taught the cuddle party philosophy. What I saw was participants cuddling in groups, as two and some talked and didn’t cuddle at all.  We were told that we could feel free to be feet against feet, give full-body hugs, head rubs, spooning… it really was up to me to decide what I wanted from the group.  I had the best head rubs! It was relaxing and I must admit, I slept better.

All during the experience, the facilitator participated with us.  Encouraging us to feel relaxed and supported and having a great time. I got oriented to the rules as we moved through a very organized process of exchanging energy and staying in the moment.  I felt comfortable to cuddle in my comfort and I carried on a few great conversations with other participants. Lying down while being held allowed me to fall into my thoughts and feel safe to explore what was heavy on my mind. Some self-reflection so to speak.

As I write this, I am getting excited about being a facilitator. I am that happy with my experiences, I want to offer this to others. Cuddle Parties serve a purpose. As an Orgasm Coach, I believe attending a Cuddle Party will give clients an opportunity to feel something different. To learn something about themselves sexually. To experience something that is pleasurable, but not sexual. is an experience.  Cuddle Parties happen all over, you can invite one into your home by finding a facilitator in your area.  You have got to find a Cuddle Party in your area.  I hope reading this you will find yourself wanting to play.

Fingering Toward Orgasm

By
Debra Shade
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How Can Fingering Help Vulva Owners Reach Orgasm?

Let’s talk about an orgasm brought on by vaginal stimulation with fingers. This can result in intense and/or multiple orgasm, and for some, ejaculation. The best method to please a vulva born individual is to experiment with finger manipulation. Up to 75% of vulva owners state that they do not orgasm from penetration alone. This means, that figuring out how to use your fingers to provide a mind-blowing vaginal orgasm is a must. 

Fingering the G-spot

The best part about fingering though, is the direct contact made with the G-spot. Which by the way is not a “spot” or “button”, it’s an area at the top frontal wall of the vagina. This area happens to rest between the clitoral legs (inside the vagina) and is super sensitive. It is only 2-3 inches deep, which means that your penetration needs to be very shallow.

If you are masturbating and feel the pleasures of stimulating the Gspot but are not achieving ejaculation, you may be a little too far inside and are missing the spot entirely. Manual stimulation directly on this area will increase your chances of ejaculating.

Different Types of Finger Stimulation or Fingering:

The benefits of using your fingers is that you can curl them. There are three very popular finger movements that can bring on the thunder.

fingering sex
Image by Demie Hadji from Pixabay

The Two-Fingered Salute: Keeping your pointer and middle finger together and keeping them flat, use the padding of the finger tips to stroke with. Move forward and backward and side to side over the area. Use light to medium pressure depending on the person.

Come Hither: When your mate gets really aroused and is displaying all the signs of needing more stimulation switch to the second finger movement; the “come hither”. Curl your fingers toward you as if you are telling someone to come to you. Do so with a little more pressure and work your speed up with your mates breathing and body movements. Do not stop what you are doing until they orgasm, which may include ejaculate.

shutterstock

Spidey Fingers: What are spidey (or spiderman) fingers? This is the act of positioning your hand to look like spiderman when he is shooting his webs. The two middle fingers go into the vagina, with the two end fingers sticking out. The thumb can also be used to stimulate the clitoris in this position.

How to Finger the Vagina

So, insert your lubed fingers into the vagina slow and carefully. Many individuals cannot have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation so be sure to include that once you have them fully aroused. Also be mindful that some folks find that clit stimulation is too intense. If this is the case, lick and suck over the clitoral hood to create a “buffer” from direct stimulation. You can use your thumb or your mouth to tease and maneuver the clit. Once your fingers are in, explore. Stroke the sides of the wall. The roof and the deep spot are very sensitive.

What is the Deep Spot?

copyright Dominadoll

Deep inside the vagina is an area know as the A spot (anterior fornix) which you can stroke with your fingers to bring about an orgasm. This can be an intense, all over body orgasm if one allows themselves to relax into the sensations. Right below the Aspot you can find the cervix. It is firm to the touch so be careful not to jam it. However, some vulva owners enjoying having their cervix stimulated. Be sure to use lots of lube for cervical play.

The last area I want to mention is the deep spot. I like to call it the cul-de-sac because you can only go so far with your fingers. That area that is as far and deep in the vagina that you can go to bring on an orgasm. It is also known to cause ejaculate as well.

Manipulating the cul-de-sac should be with medium pressure that you can increase as you press down deeper. You are also manipulating the anal wall from the inside, which increases pleasure. It is not a position where you will be able to do the come-hither motion. Bouncing is more appropriate (stroke up and down quickly), staying close to the back wall for the full effect. Again, don’t stop until the orgasm is over.

Many Types of Fingering Orgasms

The cool thing about fingering is that you have a lot of control over what sort of orgasm you can provide. If you want a more intimate, love making experience, do it slow and steady. The intensity of your finger motion should be determined by the receiver. Never behave aggressive unless asked to do so. Be intentional with where you place your fingers and how much pressure you use when touching the vagina. Be sure to keep your knuckles as flat as possible so that you are not bruising the soft tissue of the vulva.

Body Language Baby

Let’s say you are with someone who is not too verbal in expressing their needs, recognizing some common body language can guide you both to their orgasm.

Image by Saulius Rozanas from Pixabay

Any sort of flinching means; stop whatever you are doing. Don’t think it will fix itself on the next stroke, stop, readjust and then move forward. However, if a person scoots closer to you, causing your fingers to go deeper, arches their back, moans/groans, or squirms they want you to continue whatever it is that your doing or even increase the intensity. Now is a great time to play with the amount of pressure you use. Try different speeds and depths. Talk to your mate and find out what works best for them and then sit back and watch the fireworks.

#Keepitsexy #Yourresponsibleforyourownorgasm

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Hello! My name is Debra Shade. Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert. I specialize in orgasms. As an orgasm coach, I help individuals and couples to overcome barriers to their best sexual experience. It’s fulfilling work. I also travel the US presenting or teaching at expos, seminars, conferences and festivals. I am excited to have this opportunity to write about something that I absolutely love, my new column: Orgasm Tips by D Shade. I want you to know that there are many methods to an orgasm. Having a few in your toolbox will be very beneficial to you and your mate(s). I want to use my column to give you tips, advice and facts about orgasms that will help you achieve your best sexual experience.

Jelqing to Extend Sex & Play for Penis Owners

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Victor from Pexels

Your Sexual Performance

You’re in the best sex session of your life and you begin to lose your stamina and energy. You find yourself breathing heavily to catch your breath and its not pleasure panting. Suddenly, the event is over and your partner is laying there wondering what happened. Finding yourself sitting on the side lines is not surprising if you have low stamina.

You may be experiencing premature ejaculation or some form of erectile dysfunction.

Regardless of the size of the penis, you will be able to provide both vaginal and anal pleasure if you have stamina. Penis health is important when it comes to playing. The healthier your penis, the better your orgasm and the longer you can last and give greater pleasure to your playmates.

So, let’s talk about how to get more stamina!

What is Jelqing?

There are penis exercises that can make you a better lover. You may not know personally but there are many types of penis problems that can lead to softer erections. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are two examples. Studies have shown that there are penis exercises that you can do to create a harder erection. Penis exercises (also called “jelqing”) and help to increase sexual stamina. It can improve orgasms, testosterone, sperm production and the possibility of elongation and girth to your penis. Jelqing is the exercise of stretching the penis which helps make the penis thicker.

There are devices that are effective in making the penis bigger, but you can do this for yourself in the privacy of your home by Jelqing.

Jelqing : Safety First

Be careful as Jelqing can be harmful if you don’t do it right. Just don’t be too aggressive and bruise your penis while you’re doing these exercises. Some say the whole point of Jelqing is to make the penis larger. However, no evidence exist that reflects how successful this practice is at adding length or girth to the penis.

It increases the length of the penis when its flaccid and erect and it makes the erections last longer. Again, it’s safe if you are not squeezing too hard, too often or too aggressively. Worst cases, this kind of damage can permanently affect the ability to get or stay hard. Look for bruising or skin irritation from rubbing. Pay attention to pain or soreness along the shaft and adjust your massage. Use some lube, something to make it nice and slippery so that you create less friction.

The point of Jelqing is to massage gently and move blood throughout your tissues. So, be smart with it. Stop doing it if it is painful or uncomfortable in any way. Try leaning against a wall or table or sit down. It is not recommended to do the exercise more than once a day and you should talk to your doctor if you plan to do them for longer periods of time.

How to do Jelqing

How exactly do you do it? Here’s how you can build up your stamina and hardness.

To begin with, masturbate until you are 2/3 of the way hard, but not a full erection. This is because if you are fully erect, blood is already flowing through the penile tissue filling the tissues with blood.

1. Start by standing with your legs comfortably apart and gently pull the extra skin at the base of the penis when flaccid to stretch the penile ligaments and tissue. This is particularly effective after a warm shower or bath.

2. Put your index finger and thumb in an O shape, like the “okay” hand signal.

3. Place the O-shaped gesture at the base of your penis.

4. Make the O smaller until you put mild pressure on your penis shaft.

5. Slowly move your finger and thumb toward the head of your penis until you reach the tip. Reduce the pressure if this feels painful.

6. Loosen your grip at the tip. It should take you about 3 to 5 seconds from base to tip.

7. Repeat this once per day for about 20 minutes.

To see results, you need to do this exercise, however the results depend on how consistent you jelq and what your technique is. The continuation of this practice is different for everyone. Remember, use lots of lubricant like a coconut oil or boy butter. Three times a week is sufficient, if you experience soreness or bruising, stop doing it immediately as you can fracture the penis.

When your penis is in good health, you don’t have to exert so much energy. The next time you will notice more stamina and that your penis may seem longer and harder. These are perks so get to Jelqing.

 

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