It’s no secret that a lot of men loathe Valentine’s Day. There is a lot of pressure to plan the perfect date, get the right gift, and sometimes force romance on a specific day instead of showing your love, affection, and passion all year long. And, the pressure often results in more Valentine’s Day break-ups than you would expect. So, some sexy geniuses out there created National Steak & Blowjob Day, which is casually called “Man’s Valentine’s Day” and it takes place tomorrow, March 14.
The National Steak & Blowjob Day folks are adding a charitable element to the celebration this year by taking donations on their official website for CoppaFeel!, which is a charity formed to raise funds for breast cancer awareness, as 1.7 million people are diagnosed with the sometimes deadly disease each year. If you wish to donate to the cause, click here.
Steaks and blowjobs are arguably men’s two favorite things, so why shouldn’t we indulge our guys in what they love? We’re sharing the recipe for the perfect steak and for the perfect BJ, as well as instructions on how to place a condom on his penis with your mouth. It takes practice, but hopefully this How To will help. Yes, wearing a condom even for a blowjob is yet another step in having safe sex.
How To Grill the Perfect Steak
I’m a vegetarian, but since I don’t push my lifestyle choices on anyone, I am perfectly fine grilling up a steak for a meat-eating boyfriend or family and friends. And, frankly, a girl in heels manning the grill and knowing how to handle some meat is a pretty big turn on – or so I’ve been told.
Not to preach, but when I have to buy meat for my guests, I make sure it’s not just a Grade A piece of meat, but I look for the USDA Organic Certification and Certified Humane Raised & Handled labels to get the healthiest (grass-fed and free of antibiotics and growth hormones) and most ethical pieces of meat available. Yes, it does cost more, but it’s worth it.
To show your partner that you really care, splurge for a gourmet cut, such as a filet mignon, or go for the manliest of all cuts – the mammoth 1lb. Porterhouse, which includes a full filet mignon on one side of the bone and a top loin, a.k.a., New York Strip Steak on the other side. The bigger, the better. Right, ladies?
Steak Preparation Instructions
- Mix up a few tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil, the juice of a ¼ fresh organic lemon, and a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce in a bowl.
- Brush this marinade onto each side of the steak.
- Add a few dashes of coarse sea salt and cracked pepper.
- Marinate the steak in refrigerator for at least 10 minutes, but 20 minutes would be even better.
Grilling Instructions
- Oil up the grill with extra virgin olive oil so the steak doesn’t stick. It’s best to use real oil on a paper towel to really scrub it into the grill instead of an oil spray.
- Set the grill to high heat to get some good grilling marks, but to make sure you don’t overcook it, reduce it to medium heat and keep an eye on it.
- Cooking times will vary depending on the thickness of the steak, but start with four-minutes on each side and then check and adjust as needed.
How to Put a Condom on Him With Your Mouth
Step 1: Don’t forget: You can get STDs through oral sex, so it’s best to wrap his willy before you go down on him. Don’t buy a lubricated condom. They don’t taste very good. You can find an array of flavored condoms in every flavor imaginable, including chocolate strawberry, bubblegum, island punch, banana split, tropical flavors, and more. You won’t find that kind of selection at your local drug store, but you can stock up on them at Condomania.com or CondomDepot.com.
Step 2: Place the tip of the condom in the roof of your mouth (make sure it’s not inside out) with the opening coming out of your lips. Be careful not to puncture it with your teeth, and if you have braces or mouth piercings, be extra cautious!
Step 3: It’s easiest to place the tip of his penis in your mouth with your hands first, and then use your lips to roll the condom down his shaft with a firm suction on him so it feels good while it’s going on. This takes a little practice, so if it goes sloppily just laugh – but be careful not to choke on the condom! You don’t want to end up on an episode of “Sex Sent Me to the E.R.”
How To Give the Perfect Blowjob
Set The Scene: Now, the fun part! Set up a sexy experience. I like to wear full-on lingerie with heels and a bright lip-gloss. I sometimes like the initiate the blowjob by placing him in a chair first and performing some strip tease moves, such as rubbing my breasts in his face and whispering something naughty in his ear as he takes in a whiff of my sexy perfume. I’ll sit on his lap backwards, throw my head back, and slide down to my knees before turning around to unzip him and take him in my mouth. For more striptease moves, check out my book, Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend and to Living Life Like a Rock Star (Simon & Schuster), which features a chapter by burlesque star Dita Von Teese on how to perform a classy – and classic – strip tease for your man.
Make Him Comfortable: He might like a chair blowjob or he might like lying in bed instead. Ask him. Cater to his needs. A blowjob is all about pleasing and serving him. If he’s lying on the bed, reach up to feel his chest or run your fingernails up and down his chest or along his thighs and hips. Men love fingernails. The key is to tease him a bit before you take him into your mouth. Rev him up instead of just dropping to your knees and going at it.
Mix It Up: You want your sucking action to have variety – go from slow to fast and from as deep as you can handle to just tickling the tip a bit. If you have a dry mouth, some guys find it sexy to use your own spit to lubricate him further.
Get Into It: Men love it when YOU love it. So, look up at him with your wide eyes as his penis is in your mouth and make yummy, moaning sounds as if it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted. Tell him you love his cock and want to take him all in. The more into you are, the more likely he’s going to think it’s the best blowjob he’s ever had. And, maybe the more likely he’ll reciprocate with oral on you with the same passion and effort.
Multi-Task: Now, it’s time to multi-task, ladies. As his cock is in your mouth, there are loads of things to do with your hands. You might need to use one hand to make sure the condom stays in place, but that still leaves you another hand to have fun with. You can stroke his cock as you’re sucking it – as if you’re giving him a handjob into your mouth. Fondling, kissing, and sucking his balls will score you high points. If his balls are small enough, put them entirely in your mouth and suck on them gently.
Try a Pinky: Some guys love anal play, while others don’t know they love until you try it out on them, and some consider it a Do Not Enter zone. If he’s an anal play virgin, start slow with a lubricated pinky finger to massage the outside of his anus first to see how he likes it. Ask him if you can go in and tell him you’ll go gently. If he’s really into it, go deeper and faster and use your bigger forefinger, or two fingers. Be sure to take the cues from him instead of just jamming it in there.
The Finishing Line: Mixing it up will eventually lead to that sweet spot where he just wants you to keep doing that one thing. Listen to him at that point, as he’s likely on the brink of coming. Guys often ask, “Where do you want me to come?” Tell him, “Anywhere you want.” Really, though, the options here are usually just in the condom or he might want rip the condom off and come on your boobs. If you’re not into facials, tell him upfront!
Have fun! Be safe!
* top photo from elitedaily.com
