The Art of Pup Play: A Glimpse into the Growing Kink in LGBTQ+ Communities

By

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January 20, 2024

In the vast landscape of evolving kinks, one gaining traction is pup play—a unique form of role play predominantly within LGBTQ+ communities. Similar to the friendly world of furries, where individuals wear furry animal costumes, pup play enthusiasts immerse themselves in a playful mindset inspired by puppy behavior.

Exploring Pup Play: Beyond Fursuits and Fantasy

Pup play is a form of role play that goes beyond the conventions of the BDSM community. Participants, known as “pups” or “handlers,” mentally, physically, and emotionally take on roles resembling playful puppies or responsible guides called “handlers.” Contrary to common misconceptions, pup play isn’t solely focused on sexual pleasure; it’s about embracing a different facet of one’s identity.

Pups and handlers wear distinctive pup play gear, featuring essential items like a pup mask, a collar, knee pads, and a leash. Handlers engage with their pups through playful interactions, involving pup toys, belly rubs, commands, and attention. In return, the pups express their enthusiasm by barking, playfully crawling on their knees and hands, and welcoming further affection from the handlers.

While pup play has been around for a while, it’s still gaining popularity, and those who immerse themselves in it create their unique “pup persona.” This creative exploration allows individuals to step out of their daily routines and embrace a more playful side.

Community and Connection

The pup play community is characterized by openness and friendliness. Individuals connect through community apps, Facebook, and regular events called “moshes,” often held in LGBTQ+ venues. The overarching theme among roleplaying kinks is the desire to escape the monotony of daily life, rekindling the playful spirit many experienced in childhood.

One of Ryan’s pups told us: “I was a very playful and positive kid, but as I grew older, adulthood brought responsibilities like paying bills, pretending to laugh at my bosses’ jokes, and being exposed to sad and depressing news from around the world. However, when I put on my pup gear, I can forget all that for a moment.”

A survey highlighted that pup play is predominantly popular among queer men. This could be attributed to societal expectations that cast men as more dominant figures, perpetuating the pressure to conform to notions of professionalism and maturity. These expectations might prompt individuals to seek relaxation and take a break, and engaging in role-playing can fulfill that need.

So, why is it so popular amongst LGBTQ+ communities, you might ask? Ryan told us that the reason could be that the LGBTQ+ community is known for giving its members the space and freedom and being open-minded. “With so many different kink groups in our community, we seem to be less judgy about how people behave or dress.”

The LGBTQ+ community, known for its inclusive and open-minded nature, provides a welcoming space for those seeking unconventional forms of expression. However, the appeal of pup play isn’t confined to any particular group. Ryan, the owner of PuppyPlayExpert.com, notes a rising interest from women and straight couples, including CEOs, lawyers, and doctors. For them, the puppy play mask becomes a transformative tool, allowing them to shed the stresses of their professional lives and embrace a carefree, playful existence, even if it’s only for a moment.

Pup Play: More Than a Kink, a Community

Although a significant portion of the community views their roleplaying as having a sexual aspect, Ryan underscores that it goes beyond “only” sexual activities. He emphasizes the significance of community and the pure enjoyment of having fun. Whether stepping into the “pup headspace” or releasing real-life worries, the essence of pup play is found in the shared experience. It serves as a testament to the diverse and accepting nature of LGBTQ+ communities, offering individuals a space to explore, connect, and discover freedom in the art of pup play.

If you’re intrigued by pup play, Ryan emphasizes that the community is exceptionally welcoming to beginners. On his website, he provides a guide on how to ease into the world of pup play. Yet, it’s understandable that some may cast curious or perplexed glances when encountering those engaged in pup play activities. Despite potential judgment, a valuable lesson from the pup play community extends beyond personal participation. Even if pup play isn’t your cup of tea, the community teaches us the importance of occasionally stepping back, reconnecting with the simple joy of “enjoying and having fun.” In the midst of our often stressful daily lives, it’s crucial to refocus on ourselves and our natural desire to let loose and enjoy life.

KINK or FETISH

By

Debra Shade

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March 2, 2022

BDSM sex toys for domination and submission. Whip with handcuffs and bandage for on red silk background

KINK or FETISH

You may have asked yourself this a time or two. What is the difference between a Kink and a Fetish? At its face a fetish is defined as a form of sexual desire of which an item, part of the body, item of clothing, etc. is involved in the play somehow to give increased pleasure that may or may not cause a release. If the object is not used however, the person is likely to release anyway. A Fetish on the other hand is when that object, item of clothing or body part is a necessity to have orgasm. Meaning if they don’t see, feel, hear, touch, or smell the object, they will not be able to release.

Currently the words fetish and kink are used one and the same. Any act that falls outside the “mainstream” norms. A great example is bondage. While the term may overlap, they are drastically different. A fetish is more of a psychological need while kink is more of a preference. The important thing to remember is, all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. It is very individualized and are more widely accepted. Before playing you need to have the consent and safety conversation with your mate{s} about what it is that you are and are not willing to do or experience. This is imperative to keep the scene from turning traumatic.

It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping. You might enjoy flogging or nipple claps. All you must do is speak up for yourself and ask for what is going to give you pleasure. Dominatrix and Submissive are apart of the BDSM scene. One doe not become a servant over night and a Dom does not become a Dom overnight. There are schools such as The BDSM Training Academy that can teach you how to excel and become an excellent player, there are also retreats and meet ups where you can learn techniques and skills needed to play safe, provide orgasm and have fun with the experience.

I savagely stand by my heart and mind that fetishes that include harming kids, animals, blood etc. are not forms of play but acts of traumatic distress. You are not on the same level if you enjoy the smell of an orange or to caress a breast while releasing. If you want to be spanked until your cherry red, this is your prerogative but there is a difference between abuse, kink, and fetish. You need to make sure you know where that line is and that you never cross it. Create a safe word or action (in case your mouth is tied) that your partner will understand to mean stop. Some Sexual Behavior experts do agree that fetishes can come from seeing inappropriate sexual behavior in early childhood or from abuse. These fetishes develop in the early life and grow as an individual progresses through life.

Most kinks and fetishes are not a disorder by definition. It all depends on the level of intense lasting distress. You need to adopt the belief that if pleasure is the end goal, it is OK. If you are forcing them to take part in any activity, this is not and will never be OK. You or someone you know should seek professional help if the behavior becomes compulsive, desperate and/or distressed to the level of becoming suicidal.

Of course, some fetishes are harmless. “Adult baby diaper lovers” is a practice by 1,800 men and 140 women according to a recent study. Most of the subjects reported they were “comfortable” with their fetish and saw no problem in practice it. This can be said for individuals who enjoy bondage, discipline or BDSM. If everyone agrees, the chances are no one is getting hurt in a way that is extreme or permanent and everyone.
Know that people can fetishize almost anything. Studies show that body parts such as feet, body features such as obesity, piercings, tattoos and splooshing are some of the top activities. When the fixation is on one body part, this is known as partialism. This involves one body part that is isolated and sexually charged or objectified. Body fluid, body size and hair fetishes are some of the other things that people fetishize. Sometimes clothes worn on the hips and legs such as stockings and skirts are at the top of the list for some. Some like to dress in furry animal costumes or have their partners do it.

He Secretly Dresses Up In Women’s Clothing, But He’s Not Gay

By

Dr. Dawn Michael

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February 18, 2022

He Secretly Dresses Up In Women’s Clothing, But He’s Not Gay

Some men like to wear pretty things, women’s things, not because they are gay or want to be a woman but it is a sexual turn on for them.

It is a turn on to be in women’s clothing, they love women so much that they want to feel what it is like to be dressed as one.

Cross-dressing, gender confusion, homosexuality, heterosexuality, likes the feel of woman’s clothing, a fetish how does one put a label on this?

There is a population of men that like to wear women’s panties, bra’s, and even clothing but they are very much attracted to women, so much so that they love to feel what it is like to be a woman or be closer to a woman. Unlike cross-dressing the turn on for them is that the woman is turned on by him wearing the panties, bra or lingerie. He may also like her to tell him what to do or treat him as her pet, ask him to serve her while dressed in the feminine clothing.

For many men that wear women’s clothing or are turned on by it, the unfortunate part about it is some men find themselves confused about their sexuality. They may wonder if they are gay, or perhaps have a gender issue…..

As a clinical sexologist in my private practice working with men has given me a better understanding of how to help them. Each man has his own unique idea of why it turns him on and to the extent that he dresses up or wears women’s clothing. Many times an incident may have happened while going through puberty that will set the “fetish” in motion. Some similarities do occur in many of the men that have spoken to me about their past and growing up.

Most of the men reported to me that they were surrounded by females, sisters, cousins, aunts and strong mother figures, where dad may not have been around that often or not at all. The sisters and even mother may have dressed up the boy once in a while or play dress up and tease him (but that is not the defining factor). He also may have watched from the side lines as his sister, mother, aunt got ready for dates dressing up. How they were excited about changing outfits, the bright colors, sexy lingerie, makeup and getting ready.

Misgendered: Not Complimented

By

Miss Colleen

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August 21, 2021

butterfly-genderfluid — This butterfly is gender fluid and called gynandromorphs which are the organisms showing both female and male characteristics. The term is derived from the Greek words (gyne = woman; aner = man and morphe = form).

Gender Fluidity

It has taken me time to discover my gender fluid identity. Gender fluid is defined as denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender. There is a mix or fluctuation of genders. At times someone who identifies as gender fluid may feel more one gender than another.

I definitely feel and express my fluidity. Being a drag queen I am able to explore and cross the lines of gender. During my self exploration I have found that she/her pronouns are more comfortable, although I do use he/him pronouns when I am out of drag.

Misgendering Someone is NOT Okay

I write this now because I just want to make it known what is not complementary and that it is not okay to misgender someone.

Compliments or remarks such as:

You have a nice ass for a guy.
Crossdressing men like you mess me up in a good way.
Using masculine identifiers such as bro, guys, or dude when I’m in drag.
You look good for a guy.
I’m not gay but you look so hot dressed up.
When are you transitioning?
You’re young, things change.
I’m not gay, but tgirls with cocks turn me on.
Try hiding your Adam’s apple.
Stop tricking people that you’re a woman.
I don’t care what you are. You have a dick. You’re a man.
You only dress to attract men.

I’m sure there is more I can add to the list but those are common compliments/ignorant remarks from people.

I am Often Misgendered

I am often misgendered for being a man that plays dress up or as a trans woman.

I do not care for any masculine references when I am in drag. To me, it is insulting. It often has the connotation that I am obviously not a woman, and that my femininity is not valid. Not that I am a woman, but people do not respect my feminine appearance.

I also still do not understand why everyone who is not homosexual uses the word gay negatively. I am not gay but, or ew that’s gay.

One you do not have to be homosexual to be complementary of someone who is of the same sex as you. Two it’s not a bad thing to be homosexual. It’s not gross. I dislike when people have to justify their heterosexuality by beginning a thought with, I’m not gay but…

I do understand the confusion at times when people think I am a trans woman. But one thing we should not do is assume. I have no interest in transitioning. I am not a tgirl.

I understand that I am young but my youth is not defining that I will change overnight in regards to my gender identity. Turning 24 years young today, I am certain. It is not okay to tell someone that, oh you will change or make assumptions about a future change. Just in general, do not make assumptions about anyone.

Lastly, I want to make it known that I do not do drag to trick men into thinking I am a woman nor to please men’s misogynistic beliefs that femininity and presenting feminine beauty is for men.

I do drag for me.

It makes me feel good. I am able to express myself with my drag and through drag is where I ultimately discovered my gender fluid identity. I fully know I have an Adam’s apple. I know that I expose my “man chest” and pad my hips at the same time. I do it because it makes me feel good.

Do not flatter yourselves boys. The age where feminine beauty is used for your sole pleasure and enjoyment is over.

My purpose in writing this is to make it a little clearer about my gender identity. I take this opportunity not to rant or tell people what they are doing wrong. I want this to be educational. Not enough conversation happens in regard to gender identity.

Just know, I am gender fluid. I use she/her pronouns primarily but am okay with he/him pronouns when I am out of drag. Masculine references to my drag are not complementary. Do not assume and misgender me for being male, trans nor female. I am fluid, I fluctuate.

Remember, one individual can not be representative of a whole. Just because I identify as gender fluid does not mean someone else who identifies as gender fluid is the same as me.

What is happening to your body during orgasm

By

Debra Shade

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March 10, 2022

You know the feeling… butterflies, waves of pleasure, toes curling, involuntary noises and a racing heart? All these things are happening during orgasms. But have you ever thought, what is happening with your body? What is the brain doing? What role is anatomy playing? While there has been a history of research in human sexuality, studying orgasms is new. It was not until 1953 that a female orgasm was recognized. Before that, it was believed that woman received no pleasure from sex, and it was meant to be pleasurable for the male. We have used magnetic resonance imaging to determine what the brain does during orgasms. Based on a set of determinates, the test showed that the logical part of the brain shuts down during sex.

Multiple spatially remote brain regions are involved in the sexual response cycle. The hypothalamus, thalamus, substantia nigra, sensory cortex and motor areas go into overdrive during the big ‘O’. This allows the body to react to touch, fantasies, and sexual memories. The hypothalamus is producing oxytocin, which is the snuggle, feel good hormone increasing arousal thus pleasure. Another hormone the brain releases is a surge of dopamine. The purpose of dopamine is to allow for feelings of pleasure, desire, and motivation in the prefrontal cortex. Prolactin is also released at orgasm. It is the overall feeling of satisfaction that comes with the orgasm and not for nothing, it also produces milk. This is mainly because of the increase of blood flow and release of hormones. Serotonin is released after an orgasm. This hormone promotes a good mood and relaxation maybe even a little sleepy.

Basically, the brain before, during and after orgasm is the same as the reactions of doing drugs or listening to your favorite song. The brain does not tell the difference between sex and other pleasurable experiences like eating ice cream at 9pm. It also sends off chemicals that can lessen pain. That’s right, orgasm can cure a headache. The pituitary gland releases endorphins, oxytocin and vasopressin which promote pain reduction, bonding and intimacy.

If you think the brain is busy, check out what your anatomy is doing in the process. The internal organs composing the sexual anatomy of the male include the epididymis, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, prostate gland, Cowper’s glands, and urethra. The most prominent part of a male’s sexual anatomy is his penis. The penis has three primary functions: Initiating orgasm and transporting semen and urine from the body. It is made of the base, shaft, and glans. The base and shaft are where the erectile tissue and muscles are. In addition, there is the scrotum and the testicles. The scrotum is the sac of wrinkled skin behind and below the penis that contain the testicles. For vulvas owner, the process is more complex. This makes orgasm depend upon development in the womb. It’s called the CUV Complex. It stands for Clitoral-Urethra-Vagina with the cervix and perineal sponge. The vulva is the most obvious part of the clitoris. There is the clitoral hood which is either attached to the inner lips or not attached at all. There is the shaft that is located near the pubic bone.

The pelvis bone is V-shaped, and the clitoral legs run down them. If you press against your pubic bone and move upward, you will be able to activate these legs. Hence why grinding feels so good. The vestibular bulbs connect to the clitoral legs swell with arousal and can cause the outer lips to swell. The bulbs are known as the Skene’s Gland which are connected to the urethral sponge and holds the fluid that is ejaculated. The urethral opening is a part of the inner lips that sit below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.

Often, we see the cervix as something used in pregnancy, however it holds a pleasurable punch for some as well. It is essentially the opening to the uterus, but you don’t want to enter it. Simply touching the cervix activates the pelvic nerve that sends pleasurable signals in the uterus, cervix, and upper vagina. This can result in deeper cervical orgasms. The P-spot and is located between the vagina and the rectum. When engorged with arousal and massaged you can experience an orgasm. The Bartholin’s glands cause the vagina to lubricate. Lubrication is crucial when penetrating. The brain and body are going through a lot all at once before, during and after an orgasm. Knowing this information can help you create your best experiences.

Born This Way? Are People Born Gay?

By

Miss Colleen

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September 17, 2021

I read this very interesting book called, “Not Gay Sex Between Straight White Men”. It is written by Jane Ward and she researches the sexual fluidity of straight identifying white men.

Anyways, the discussion of is someone born gay comes up often. Ward gets into the argument that yes, people are born gay and she explains this viewpoint with a political lense. It all makes sense. If someone is born gay and does not choose to be gay, you can’t convert someone to be straight or in other words “cure” homosexuality, just like you can not cure being black or Asian. It’s just who you are. Personally I have a hard time believing you are born to be the sexual identity you are.

I am speaking from my own personal experience about my bisexual identity. This is my opinion. I have no scientific research or data to back my opinion.

Now that we got the disclaimer out of the way, I discovered my capability to have sexual attraction when I was 12 years old. I remember the moment vividly. I get embarrassed thinking about it but I discovered that my cock was used for more than just peeing when I was dry humping a pillow. As a kid it just felt really good! When I came I was super nervous. I was like, “fuck, I pissed the bed. My parents are going to kill me!”

But it was just cum. I was blown away.

As time progressed and I began watching porn my sexual interests were in penetrative vaginal sex between a woman and a man. It’s what aroused me; it was what I was into. I do not recall my first exposure to homosexuality, but I do recall seeing transwomen and transvestite porn. I did not think much of it and what it meant to my sexuality. I honestly thought it was just hot sex between a man and a woman, a woman that just happens to have a cock. It was hot! I did not think of it being gay or straight. I was just turned on by penetrative sex regardless if it was vaginal, anal, between opposite sexes, same sexes or trans people.

By the time I turned 20 I found my sexual attraction to men. I was turned on by being penetrated, giving oral sex to men. Most of my sexual attractions were purely sexual. I was very much still romantically attracted to women. Still to this day I am primarily romantically attracted to women, although I have become more open minded to being romantically attracted to men.

But was I born this way? I do not think so.

My life experiences and exposure to what is out on the internet has lead me to my bisexual identity. My first non-heternormative attraction wasn’t until I was 16. I do not have an issue with those claiming they were born gay or born queer. People are totally valid feeling that way. I just do not believe everyone is born with a predetermined sexual orientation and gender identity.

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Labels Beyond Gay and Straight

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Misgendered: Not Complimented