Welcome to Loveology University: Higher Learning & Wellness Retreat

By

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February 21, 2022

From Buddhist Temple to Loveology University

The property was the Pine Mountain Buddhist Temple Retreat for the past 23 years, known for Zen Meditation in the Ventura County Mountains of Southern California.

The residents were two Buddhist Monks, Reverend Phoebe and Reverend Seikai who made this place a labor of love by opening their home for Buddhist Teachings, Meditation Workshops and Buddhist Festivals. As soon as I met them, I felt an immediate mind, body, soul connection. When they shared their desire to move to a smaller place, I knew that this magnificent land with mountains, an abundance of trees, flowers and Buddha statues would be perfect for my Loveology Retreat! The monks left their cats Ivy and Marley for me to take care of and for them to continue living at the only home they’ve ever had.

Retreat Services

You can come here to study for your Certified Love Coach training, enjoy scenic hiking trails, relax through holistic services such as massage and water therapy, focus on love, peace and happiness through yoga and meditation, practice self-love through healing workshops, boost intimacy or connect with your family at this 45-acre paradise.

Sacred Monument

This sacred Stupa statue is a pinnacle that you must see to believe. Many believe that circumambulating a Stupa purifies negative karma and fosters realizations of the path to enlightenment. When you enter the monument, you should bow to the Buddha inside the Stupa and walk around it clockwise — an experience that can prove meditative for Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.

Buddhist Temple

It’s important for me to maintain the integrity of the Buddhist Temple property, so I have left the Meditation room the same as when the Monks lived here. I told them that they are welcome at any time that they wish to have a Meditation Retreat.

Renovations to Retreat

The renovations include a Recreation Room with gym equipment for adults and games for kids and teens. Outdoor Yoga and Meditation under a Pergola, a Swimming Pool, Obstacle Course, Children’s Playground with Trampoline. For dining, we will have a BBQ and a Pizza Oven, as well as healthy vegan dishes to enjoy under beautiful Sunsets. Accommodation will also be available in houses or caravans, so stay tuned for more photos and our opening event party.

What is happening to your body during orgasm

By

Debra Shade

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March 10, 2022

You know the feeling… butterflies, waves of pleasure, toes curling, involuntary noises and a racing heart? All these things are happening during orgasms. But have you ever thought, what is happening with your body? What is the brain doing? What role is anatomy playing? While there has been a history of research in human sexuality, studying orgasms is new. It was not until 1953 that a female orgasm was recognized. Before that, it was believed that woman received no pleasure from sex, and it was meant to be pleasurable for the male. We have used magnetic resonance imaging to determine what the brain does during orgasms. Based on a set of determinates, the test showed that the logical part of the brain shuts down during sex.

Multiple spatially remote brain regions are involved in the sexual response cycle. The hypothalamus, thalamus, substantia nigra, sensory cortex and motor areas go into overdrive during the big ‘O’. This allows the body to react to touch, fantasies, and sexual memories. The hypothalamus is producing oxytocin, which is the snuggle, feel good hormone increasing arousal thus pleasure. Another hormone the brain releases is a surge of dopamine. The purpose of dopamine is to allow for feelings of pleasure, desire, and motivation in the prefrontal cortex. Prolactin is also released at orgasm. It is the overall feeling of satisfaction that comes with the orgasm and not for nothing, it also produces milk. This is mainly because of the increase of blood flow and release of hormones. Serotonin is released after an orgasm. This hormone promotes a good mood and relaxation maybe even a little sleepy.

Basically, the brain before, during and after orgasm is the same as the reactions of doing drugs or listening to your favorite song. The brain does not tell the difference between sex and other pleasurable experiences like eating ice cream at 9pm. It also sends off chemicals that can lessen pain. That’s right, orgasm can cure a headache. The pituitary gland releases endorphins, oxytocin and vasopressin which promote pain reduction, bonding and intimacy.

If you think the brain is busy, check out what your anatomy is doing in the process. The internal organs composing the sexual anatomy of the male include the epididymis, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, prostate gland, Cowper’s glands, and urethra. The most prominent part of a male’s sexual anatomy is his penis. The penis has three primary functions: Initiating orgasm and transporting semen and urine from the body. It is made of the base, shaft, and glans. The base and shaft are where the erectile tissue and muscles are. In addition, there is the scrotum and the testicles. The scrotum is the sac of wrinkled skin behind and below the penis that contain the testicles. For vulvas owner, the process is more complex. This makes orgasm depend upon development in the womb. It’s called the CUV Complex. It stands for Clitoral-Urethra-Vagina with the cervix and perineal sponge. The vulva is the most obvious part of the clitoris. There is the clitoral hood which is either attached to the inner lips or not attached at all. There is the shaft that is located near the pubic bone.

The pelvis bone is V-shaped, and the clitoral legs run down them. If you press against your pubic bone and move upward, you will be able to activate these legs. Hence why grinding feels so good. The vestibular bulbs connect to the clitoral legs swell with arousal and can cause the outer lips to swell. The bulbs are known as the Skene’s Gland which are connected to the urethral sponge and holds the fluid that is ejaculated. The urethral opening is a part of the inner lips that sit below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.

Often, we see the cervix as something used in pregnancy, however it holds a pleasurable punch for some as well. It is essentially the opening to the uterus, but you don’t want to enter it. Simply touching the cervix activates the pelvic nerve that sends pleasurable signals in the uterus, cervix, and upper vagina. This can result in deeper cervical orgasms. The P-spot and is located between the vagina and the rectum. When engorged with arousal and massaged you can experience an orgasm. The Bartholin’s glands cause the vagina to lubricate. Lubrication is crucial when penetrating. The brain and body are going through a lot all at once before, during and after an orgasm. Knowing this information can help you create your best experiences.

Am I Bisexual? My First Ever Girl-Girl Bisexual Experience

By

Kinky Leather Girl

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June 22, 2021

For as long as I can remember I’ve had sexual fantasies about women. Even as a teenage virgin I would fantasize about lesbian sex, or threesomes with a girl and a guy. They were hot, but I never labelled myself as bisexual. Mainly, despite my many fantasies, the occasional flirtation with gay girls, and a couple of drunken kisses with my friends, I had never been even close to being with a woman.

Did I Miss Out?

I got into a long-term relationship with a guy when I was 21. I had no idea that when I met him that I would end up marrying him. And that those few years before I met him would be all the time I had to experiment. Had I missed out? Should I have had more sex with men, been with a girl, maybe had a threesome before I settled down? Maybe so.

The fantasies didn’t stop just because I was married, but it wasn’t something I dwelled on or really talked about with anyone. Maybe in a healthier relationship it could have been something we discussed, and it could have been hot to experiment together. But that wasn’t an option for us. I know he would have been shocked and would not have reacted well if I told him I wanted to experiment with girls, or even have a threesome which for many guys would be their number 1 fantasy.

No-One Knows I’m A Lesbian

When a friend picked out a T-shirt for me when out shopping with the slogan ‘No one knows I’m a lesbian’ I found it funny. How did she know? Maybe she just sensed it.

My marriage fell apart in my early thirties. And I finally found myself free to do whatever I wanted again. I could see who I wanted, have sex with who I wanted, and I felt liberated. However, when I started dating again it was still only with men. I would occasionally switch the settings on tinder to show me both men and women, and I would look at the profiles of girls near me. But I didn’t have the confidence to swipe right.

I guess I was nervous. As a teenager I was very shy and pretty useless around men. Most of my sexual experiences had been awkward or I was drunk. But now I was much more confident in myself, and having plenty of great sex with men. With women I felt like I was starting over. Would I do it right? Would I like the taste of pussy? Would they be able to tell I’d never done it before? And for a while I suppose I found it easier to stick to what I knew I was good at.

I was tempted by offers of threesomes by kinky couples, but never quite had the courage to go through with it. I would go to gay bars with friends, and chat away to queer girls, some of whom were in open relationships with guys, and their lifestyle appealed to me. But nothing sexual ever happened. I began to wonder if I was just bi-curious and if I would ever actually have to confidence to just go for it.

Am I Bisexual? Butterflies In My Stomach

I’d been single about 18 months by the time I eventually matched with any girls on tinder. Just as with guys, I would chat a bit but often nothing would come from it. When I finally set up a meeting with Sarah in a cocktail bar, I got butterflies in my stomach. I was really doing this.

Sarah seemed the perfect match for me. She was bi-sexual and in a relationship with a guy. But he was cool with her seeing women. I was hesitant to date girls who wanted a relationship as I wasn’t sure what I wanted and didn’t want to lead anyone on. I had no idea what was in store for our first date, but I shaved everything, just in case!

I waited nervously in the bar, I’d bought her a drink, she was late. I wondered for a minute if I was going to be stood up. But 20 minutes later she rushed through the doors flustered and apologizing. She was cute. The conversation seemed to flow, and it was nice. I was quite new in town and hadn’t many girlfriends. If anything, hopefully I could just make a friend. I wasn’t sure exactly how to tell if she fancied me, or how this could progress to something else. But when she leaned over and brushed my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear, I felt a little rush of chemistry.

Hookup in the Ladies Bathroom

Shortly after she said she needed the toilet and asked if I wanted to go with her. I wasn’t sure if she just wanted some girly company or if she had something naughtier in mind. But I agreed. The bar was fancy and the toilets were downstairs in the basement. Dark, and beautifully styled, with flowers between the washbasins, it wasn’t the usual gross public restroom you encounter, it was quite sexy. I could tell by now that she definitely was into me, and after 3 or 4 drinks I was relaxed enough to just got for it.

Once the restroom was empty, she kissed me. It felt strange kissing someone so much shorter than me! It was a great kiss, and I kissed her back pushing her up against the washbasins. But then she took charge and took my hand, taking me into one of the stalls and locking the door. She told me to sit, which I did, and she pulled down my panties…

I totally hadn’t expected my first bisexual experience to be sex in a public restroom! But it was so hot! Although having to be quiet when others came in was a struggle. So, a few days later I invited her around my place so we could do our thing without holding back. Needless to say, the worries that I had beforehand were totally unfounded.

Am I Bisexual?

Am I bisexual? Yes. It’s not something I feel I need to tell everybody about. Each person’s journey is different and I still don’t really feel the need to label myself or ‘come out’ to every person I meet. However, if anyone asks, I’m totally open about it and happy to share my experiences.

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Do you wonder, “Am I bisexual?”. Visit the Biresource for more bisexual resources.

“Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or to more than one sex or gender. It may also be defined as romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity, which is also known as pansexuality.”— Wikipedia

The Gender Code: Gender & Sexuality Documentary by Luka

By

Domina Doll

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September 19, 2021

The Gender Code: A New Documentary On Gender On Youtube

The Gender Code is a new documentary on gender and sexuality by filmmaker and artist, Luka. Luka is a 29 year old trans activist and visionary from Ireland, who identifies as gender feminine, and who has spent the past 6 years creating this documentary that examines gender and sexuality in a different way than what is culturally defined in today’s society. Luka created the film: writing, directing, animating, producing and appearing in it; which is an amazing accomplishment for one person, to create a film almost 2 hours long that is so professionally produced, visually and intellectually compelling.

The film is very beautifully animated and artistic, which makes it a pleasure to watch. But, more importantly is the subject matter it explores, from the POV of trans, feminine, non-binary and gender-fluid people. There are many interviews, historical news footage covering the GLBTQ+ history and movements, as well as some disturbing flashes of trans-phobia and gender violence. Yet, the ending is very powerful, and visualizes a hopeful new paradigm of gender fluidity beyond what we recognize in today’s culture that is inclusive, and embraces both our inner and outer masculine and feminine qualities on a dynamic spectrum that humanity can embrace.

“There is an expanding culture of people emerging, who for the first time in history are starting to have the resources to explore their identities (transgender, fluid, non- binary, etc.) Effectively and more recently, a huge number of men are exploring their attraction to us. The reality is we have very limited language, education or precedents to understand or navigate people’s identities and preferences.

The Gender Code is a documentary animated and created by me over a period of years, that looks at the bigger picture of gender and sexuality through my understanding and observations.”–Luka, filmmaker: The Gender Code

Watch the Entire Film

The Gender Code is divided into 7 parts:

Introduction: 00:00 (General introduction on the film and my experiences)
“Our Present” 7:33 (How we view gender and sexuality today)
“Our Past” ” 13:40 ( 20th century queer history up-to today)
“Gender and Sexuality” 32:23 (An introduction to the diversity of gender and sexuality)
“Change” : 56:04 (Answers and the science behind the reasons for misunderstanding)
“The Spectrum” : 1:16:57 (An in depth conclusion and breakdown with interviews with the cast)
“The Future” : 1:45:07 (A look at the powerful possibilities of the future)

Our Language for Exploring Gender is Limited

“The reality is we have very limited language, education or precedents to understand or navigate people’s identities and preferences. Everyday I check my mail or my Grindr account receiving a shocking amount of messages from men who say they are discovering trans girls / feminine males, and they can’t openly acknowledge this. A lot of times this shame turns to them sexually objectifying us. This invisibility, and lack of education is extremely painful and urgent. I will do anything to get my message out there. It is my dream to start a conversation and bring education to the invisible.”

We Are at the Start of a Revolution

“I really believe that all human beings have the ability to love someone of the same sex, and that gender can take many forms. Humanity is more of a spectrum, rather than gay or straight. We’ve been divided by an illusion of “Gay and Straight” and there is a lot of lost potential. Our current language is outdated and was written a long time ago by people who may not have had the reality of everyone in mind. People are crying out for a regeneration of thinking. I really feel we are at the very early stages of a revolution.”

The Gender Code Takes a Fresh Look at Gender Diversity

“Looking at our past, present and our future, The Gender Code acts as a map to help navigate this emerging reality. It’s an intensely researched, non biased, guide of the bigger picture of gender and sexuality through my experiences and observations. I would like to think it takes a fresh unique look at the entire reality of what we know as LGBTQ and brings things into a 21st century perspective, departing from traditional oppressive thinking and effectively expanding everyone’s potential.”

“Through my observations and research (and intense it was!) I’ve come to the conclusion that most of societies ideas, customs and rhetoric are passed down from an outdated and superstitious space, lacking scientific and feminine or (yang) consciousness.”

“I found many hypocritical and unfair realities and entities that I wanted to bring into the light, the main one being that the theory of sexuality and gender, is, in my research and understanding actually, a 20th century myth based on feminine and masculine polarity within the left and right cerebral hemispheres of the brain.”–From an interview with Luka at GCN News.

Gender Dysphoria or Cultural Dysphoria?

“I’m Luka, I’m the person in the video, I’m 28 years old, I am gender feminine, (meaning my gender feelings and expressions are on the more feminine side of the spectrum. My biological sex is male and I am proud and ok with that. I don’t feel I have dysphoria with my genitals, rather I have dysphoria with society’s outdated customs and expectations of what / how and who people should all dress behave and love, based on our biological sex. (whether we have an innie or an outie, should not define our life paths!)”

All images and quite by Luka, creator of The Gender Code.

Video- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zph7H-O0d5w

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/lukakeating/

About the Film- https://filmfreeway.com/TheGenderCode

The Art of Pup Play: A Glimpse into the Growing Kink in LGBTQ+ Communities

By

Valeriam Vincent

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January 20, 2024

In the vast landscape of evolving kinks, one gaining traction is pup play—a unique form of role play predominantly within LGBTQ+ communities. Similar to the friendly world of furries, where individuals wear furry animal costumes, pup play enthusiasts immerse themselves in a playful mindset inspired by puppy behavior.

Exploring Pup Play: Beyond Fursuits and Fantasy

Pup play is a form of role play that goes beyond the conventions of the BDSM community. Participants, known as “pups” or “handlers,” mentally, physically, and emotionally take on roles resembling playful puppies or responsible guides called “handlers.” Contrary to common misconceptions, pup play isn’t solely focused on sexual pleasure; it’s about embracing a different facet of one’s identity.

Pups and handlers wear distinctive pup play gear, featuring essential items like a pup mask, a collar, knee pads, and a leash. Handlers engage with their pups through playful interactions, involving pup toys, belly rubs, commands, and attention. In return, the pups express their enthusiasm by barking, playfully crawling on their knees and hands, and welcoming further affection from the handlers.

While pup play has been around for a while, it’s still gaining popularity, and those who immerse themselves in it create their unique “pup persona.” This creative exploration allows individuals to step out of their daily routines and embrace a more playful side.

Community and Connection

The pup play community is characterized by openness and friendliness. Individuals connect through community apps, Facebook, and regular events called “moshes,” often held in LGBTQ+ venues. The overarching theme among roleplaying kinks is the desire to escape the monotony of daily life, rekindling the playful spirit many experienced in childhood.

One of Ryan’s pups told us: “I was a very playful and positive kid, but as I grew older, adulthood brought responsibilities like paying bills, pretending to laugh at my bosses’ jokes, and being exposed to sad and depressing news from around the world. However, when I put on my pup gear, I can forget all that for a moment.”

A survey highlighted that pup play is predominantly popular among queer men. This could be attributed to societal expectations that cast men as more dominant figures, perpetuating the pressure to conform to notions of professionalism and maturity. These expectations might prompt individuals to seek relaxation and take a break, and engaging in role-playing can fulfill that need.

So, why is it so popular amongst LGBTQ+ communities, you might ask? Ryan told us that the reason could be that the LGBTQ+ community is known for giving its members the space and freedom and being open-minded. “With so many different kink groups in our community, we seem to be less judgy about how people behave or dress.”

The LGBTQ+ community, known for its inclusive and open-minded nature, provides a welcoming space for those seeking unconventional forms of expression. However, the appeal of pup play isn’t confined to any particular group. Ryan, the owner of PuppyPlayExpert.com, notes a rising interest from women and straight couples, including CEOs, lawyers, and doctors. For them, the puppy play mask becomes a transformative tool, allowing them to shed the stresses of their professional lives and embrace a carefree, playful existence, even if it’s only for a moment.

Pup Play: More Than a Kink, a Community

Although a significant portion of the community views their roleplaying as having a sexual aspect, Ryan underscores that it goes beyond “only” sexual activities. He emphasizes the significance of community and the pure enjoyment of having fun. Whether stepping into the “pup headspace” or releasing real-life worries, the essence of pup play is found in the shared experience. It serves as a testament to the diverse and accepting nature of LGBTQ+ communities, offering individuals a space to explore, connect, and discover freedom in the art of pup play.

If you’re intrigued by pup play, Ryan emphasizes that the community is exceptionally welcoming to beginners. On his website, he provides a guide on how to ease into the world of pup play. Yet, it’s understandable that some may cast curious or perplexed glances when encountering those engaged in pup play activities. Despite potential judgment, a valuable lesson from the pup play community extends beyond personal participation. Even if pup play isn’t your cup of tea, the community teaches us the importance of occasionally stepping back, reconnecting with the simple joy of “enjoying and having fun.” In the midst of our often stressful daily lives, it’s crucial to refocus on ourselves and our natural desire to let loose and enjoy life.

Sexual “Afterglow” Lasts 48 Hours

By

Anka Radakovich

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February 21, 2022

It turns out that sexual afterglow lasts a bit longer than that after-sex cigarette. A new study called “Quantifying the Sexual Afterglow,” The Lingering Benefits of Sex and Their Implications for Pair-Bonded Relationships” says afterglow actually lasts about 48 hours. Who knew?

The study, published in Psychological Science, says that it’s an evolutionary thing. “Sex presumably facilitates pair bonding, but how do partners remain pair-bonded between sexual acts?” the researchers asked. “Evolutionary perspectives suggest that sexual afterglow serves this purpose. We explored how long sexual satisfaction would remain elevated following sex, and predicted that stronger sexual afterglow would characterize more satisfying partnerships.”

The scientists studied 215 newlyweds, and asked them to rate their daily sexual activity, because, well newlyweds probably do it more often than anyone else does. (Oddly though, the sexy time results only averaged out to getting laid 4 times in two weeks.)

Every night at bedtime, the newlyweds were asked to take notes. Did they have sex with their partner that day? Were they satisfied with their sex live, their spouse, and their marriage that day? A 7-point scale was used (1=not at all, 7=extremely) to rate their spouse. (People should do this in real life.)

Then the couples were asked again 4-6 months later. To test their theory, the team looked at data gathered from “two independent, longitudinal studies”, one with 96 newlywed couples and the other with 118 newlywed couples.”

“Results demonstrated that sexual satisfaction remained elevated approximately 48 hr after sex,” the study found.”Spouses experiencing a stronger afterglow reported higher levels of marital satisfaction both at baseline and over time. We interpret these findings as evidence that sexual afterglow is a proximal cognitive mechanism through which sex promotes pair bonding.” The study’s results remained consistent through all ages and sexual orientations.

Andrea Meltzer, the lead researcher on the study said. “And people with a stronger sexual afterglow—that is, people who report a higher level of sexual satisfaction 48 hours after sex—report higher levels of relationship satisfaction several months later…. This research is important because it joins other research suggesting that sex functions to keep couples pair bonded.” Like hugging and cuddling, the “feel good” hormones are at work bringing couples emotionally closer.

Affectionate young female couple relaxing on bed

In the future, the research team will study how afterglow affects other aspects of monogamous relationships, including cheating and “whether or not long term relationships result in marriages.” In the meantime, its good to know that doing something twice a week–even if it lasts for two minutes, can last two days.

Labels Beyond Gay and Straight

By

Debra Shade

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June 24, 2021

pexels-tim-samuel-5838301 — Photo by Tim Samuel from Pexels

Defining Sexuality

The way we define our sexuality is as unique as the way we define ourselves, and the key is to understand what all the various terms mean. What if you didn’t have the word “straight” in your vocabulary. What if the terms heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, et cetera, did not exist? One less topic of division and judgement. How different would you behave? We can all play a part in getting to a space where orientation, expression and presentation isn’t a trigger for anyone.

Photo by spl.ids.ag.uk

The Difference Between Sex and Gender

There’s a lot of information out there about sex and gender. And by sex, I don’t mean the various activities that could make up the act of sex. I mean the biological differences between males and females and the fact that gender is not the same thing. As a result, sex and gender are often confusing subjects for many. Sex refers to a person’s biological characteristics. While most people determine sex based on external genitalia, it also involves hormone ratios, chromosomal makeup and more. In other words, sex may not be as simple as you assume.

What is Intersex?

Since medical professionals often rely on external observations instead of internalized medicine or tests to assign sex categories, designated female at birth or assigned male at birth. The use of “intersex” is to designate individuals who, at birth, may not physically match the expected norms of male and female. Intersex individuals are as common as red heads. These assignments are based on a visual presence of a penis, clitoris, or a version of both.

What is Gender versus Gender Identity?

Gender, in contrast, is often used in reference to at least three factors: presentation, social roles and identity. If someone assigned as female at birth likes pink, for example, we associate pink as a “feminine” color and thus socially appropriate. If someone assigned as male likes pink, that individual may be bullied for liking a color associated with what the culture deems feminine. In this way, a person can use norms to present their gender to the world.

Gender identity, however, is invisible. It is the person’s idea of themselves. While it may be influenced by the society around them, it is often tested by questions like, “If there was no judgement, what would you want to look like?” Gender identity does not have to fit the presentation, social norms, or even the expectations of the person’s body. Someone can identify as a mix of genders, such as bigender, or feel they move between genders, such as gender fluid. They could even identify as having no gender at all, such as agender.

What is Transgender?

The term transgender, which is an adjective, is often used as an umbrella term to refer to people whose sex does not line up with their presentation and identity (among other characteristics, but naming just the two to help you get a basic understanding). For people whose sex, presentation, and identity line up, the term is cisgender. So, if you were born with a vulva and vagina, have always felt you were a girl or woman, and present yourself as such to society, you are considered a cis woman.

How to Ask About People’s Pronouns

So, although it may be human nature to be curious, being respectful means respecting people’s privacy. Do not ask people about their status or whether they plan to have surgery. Asking about their pronouns is OK. Also, give basic dignity and respect. If someone introduces themselves to you and says their name is Paula, but you had heard their name was Paul, this person is telling you their name is Paula. Just go with it. The only person who has the power to label you, is YOU!

LGBTQIA* Terms & Pronouns

So, let me share some general information about several terms the LGBTQIA* community uses which will make you a great ally. For starters, a binary system is something made up of two opposing parts. Gender (man/woman) and sex (male/female) are examples of binary systems.

Bisexual: A term that describes someone who is attracted to both men and women, or to more than one gender identity.

Gay: It is common for “gay” to be used by anyone who is attracted to their same sex or gender.

Gender Expression: How we express our gender identity on the outside.

Gender Identity: Our internal, personal sense of what our gender is. Everyone has a gender identity. You should also know the pronouns that can be used based on preference. They, Them, Theirs. He, Him, His. She, Her, Hers, Z. e, Hir, Hirs. Xe, Xem, Xyrs. Nothing. Yes, not choosing a pronoun is OK too.

I am a Bisexual Queen: Bisexual Problems & Bi-Erasure

By

Miss Colleen

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June 10, 2021

I am a Bisexual Gender-Fluid Drag Queen

Hello friends! My name is Miss Colleen. I am a gender-fluid bisexual drag queen and I today want to talk about my bisexuality, as well as issues that bisexuals face, including bi-erasure.

How I Found Out I Was Bisexual

Miss Colleen

Author: Miss Colleen

I found that I was bi-curious when I was 20 years old. I was attracted to women ever since I hit puberty, but at 20 my curiosity about being sexual with men was strong and I would get aroused at the idea of having sex with men.

Not too long after had my first sexual experience with a man, I was left with doubts about if I really liked it or not. I was overwhelmed and needed time to digest how I felt. Months later I tried again and had a new experience with someone else and found that I do enjoy sex with men.

But I still had a really strong attraction to women. I did some soul searching and at times I was struggling with insecurity and anxiety but once I began to love myself and accept who I am I became proud to be bisexual and I came out to the world about my bisexuality and my drag!

I am primarily sexually and romantically attracted to women. I have never had a relationship with a man before and I am not really sure if that is something I want in my life? Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted and I am sure if I came across the right guy that made me feel that way, I would happily be in a relationship. What troubles me about having a relationship with a man is my primary sexual attraction to women. I feel there would have to be an open relationship to satisfy my desires to be with women.

Bisexuality is a Phase–A Common Myth

A common belief about bisexuality is that it’s a phase, that eventually someone who is bisexual will either lean to either heterosexual or homosexual, even though studies show that bisexuals make up more than 50% of the LGBTQ+ community.

Bisexuals Bi Majority Infographic

From GLAAD: 13 Things You Didn’t Know About Being Bisexual

I have been told this a few times in my life. I remember being out in drag one night and explaining my bisexuality to someone. They told me along the lines that I was confused, that I was embarrassed that I liked men and that I would eventually become gay.

I feel most people are not as accepting of bisexual people because we do not fit into a binary. I have heard stories about bisexual people not being accepted by gay communities or straight communities.

From my personal experience, I am happy to say I am very accepted and loved in my local gay and drag communities. But ever since I came out, I lost most of my straight friends. Even nowadays, when I go to a local bar or club, not in drag, with my straight friends I have not felt comfortable. I worry about doing or saying the wrong thing, about being too queer, I feel like I constantly second guess myself. I feel more comfortable being among my queer friends and community, in or out of drag. I feel more vibrant and my energy is higher.

My only wish is to build a bisexual+ community locally. I am hoping with my advocacy for bisexual people will help create a local bi+ community!

Bisexual Erasure (Bi-Erasure) –The Stigma Bisexuals Face

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Bi-Erasure: “Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant. Despite years of activism and the largest population within the LGBT community, the needs of bisexuals still go unaddressed and their very existence is still called into question. This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs.” —from Biresource.org, Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations (PDF)

A stigma bisexuals face is bisexual erasure (Bi-Erasure). People are misconceived that bisexuality simply does not exist yet bisexual people make up the majority of the LGBTQ+ population here in America. This is why it is so important to me to be visible. People go out of their way to make bisexuals feel unvalidated or unaccepted.

Bisexuals are least likely to be out of the closet because of the general doubt that people are not truly bisexual. My hopes and dreams in being visible and out there is to help those that are questioning their bisexuality and have insecurity about themselves, to give my example to see and make others feel validated and that they deserved to be accepted and loved!

Bi-Erasure is critical to the reduction of resources and support bisexuals need. According to the Bisexual Resource Center, bisexuals have higher rates of anxiety, depression and other mood disorders compared to heterosexuals and homosexuals. Bisexuals also have a higher rate of heart disease, cancer risk factors and STI diagnoses.

I have personally dealt with anxiety and insecurity about being bisexual. My biggest insecurity is finding love with women. I dated a cisgender woman for two years. Among other issues, I decided to break up with her. She was not accepting or supporting of my bisexuality. We have talked numerous times about having an open relationship but there were limits to that open relationship that did not benefit me from having an open relationship.

I absolutely adored being in a relationship and having someone that was there for me for whatever I needed. But at the same time the no support of my bisexuality, which makes up a huge piece of me, hurt. This anxiety comes and goes and I do my best to implement by best self-care techniques to work through any anxiety issues.

Bisexual Men and HIV

bisexual men and HIV

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon

There is also little to no accurate information or research on bisexual men and HIV. National reporting standards only distinguish between gay men and straight men. Bisexual men are grouped together with gay men, as another form of Bi-Erasure. This makes gaining accurate information about bisexual men difficult. The lack of accurate information further deepens the stigma bisexuals face.

Going back to my past relationship, my ex stigmatized me when it came to hooking up with men. She did not trust that I would play safely and if I were to have sex with men I would without a doubt give her a disease. Their is no concrete research or data about bisexual men and HIV/STIs. I do hope in the future more research and studies will be coordinated with bisexual men to end the stigma.

Why We Need More Conversations About Bisexuality

Bi-Erasure

From sexualalpha.com

Talking about bisexuals can help save lives. This is why I share my bisexuality and am open and honest not only to myself about who I am and what I do, but to others as well. We can fight the stigma and Bi-Erasure by having open and honest conversation about who we are as bisexual people.

Self acceptance, talking about our sexual interests, practicing safe sex and communicating with your partners. All these things can help people better understand bisexuality and acknowledge that bisexuality is not a phase and that bisexual people do exist.

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Featured Photo by Marta Branco

Sources:

Bisexual Men Aren’t ‘Spreading HIV’. https://www.hivplusmag.com/stigma/2014/10/06/are-bisexual-men-missing-hiv-link-or-pure-myth
Mental health Biphobia Brochure. BiResource.Org. http://biresource.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Mental_Health_Biphobia_Brochure.pdf

KINK or FETISH

By

Debra Shade

-

March 2, 2022

BDSM sex toys for domination and submission. Whip with handcuffs and bandage for on red silk background

You may have asked yourself this a time or two. What is the difference between a Kink and a Fetish? At its face a fetish is defined as a form of sexual desire of which an item, part of the body, item of clothing, etc. is involved in the play somehow to give increased pleasure that may or may not cause a release. If the object is not used however, the person is likely to release anyway. A Fetish on the other hand is when that object, item of clothing or body part is a necessity to have orgasm. Meaning if they don’t see, feel, hear, touch, or smell the object, they will not be able to release.

Currently the words fetish and kink are used one and the same. Any act that falls outside the “mainstream” norms. A great example is bondage. While the term may overlap, they are drastically different. A fetish is more of a psychological need while kink is more of a preference. The important thing to remember is, all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. It is very individualized and are more widely accepted. Before playing you need to have the consent and safety conversation with your mate{s} about what it is that you are and are not willing to do or experience. This is imperative to keep the scene from turning traumatic.

It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping. You might enjoy flogging or nipple claps. All you must do is speak up for yourself and ask for what is going to give you pleasure. Dominatrix and Submissive are apart of the BDSM scene. One doe not become a servant over night and a Dom does not become a Dom overnight. There are schools such as The BDSM Training Academy that can teach you how to excel and become an excellent player, there are also retreats and meet ups where you can learn techniques and skills needed to play safe, provide orgasm and have fun with the experience.

I savagely stand by my heart and mind that fetishes that include harming kids, animals, blood etc. are not forms of play but acts of traumatic distress. You are not on the same level if you enjoy the smell of an orange or to caress a breast while releasing. If you want to be spanked until your cherry red, this is your prerogative but there is a difference between abuse, kink, and fetish. You need to make sure you know where that line is and that you never cross it. Create a safe word or action (in case your mouth is tied) that your partner will understand to mean stop. Some Sexual Behavior experts do agree that fetishes can come from seeing inappropriate sexual behavior in early childhood or from abuse. These fetishes develop in the early life and grow as an individual progresses through life.

Most kinks and fetishes are not a disorder by definition. It all depends on the level of intense lasting distress. You need to adopt the belief that if pleasure is the end goal, it is OK. If you are forcing them to take part in any activity, this is not and will never be OK. You or someone you know should seek professional help if the behavior becomes compulsive, desperate and/or distressed to the level of becoming suicidal.

Of course, some fetishes are harmless. “Adult baby diaper lovers” is a practice by 1,800 men and 140 women according to a recent study. Most of the subjects reported they were “comfortable” with their fetish and saw no problem in practice it. This can be said for individuals who enjoy bondage, discipline or BDSM. If everyone agrees, the chances are no one is getting hurt in a way that is extreme or permanent and everyone.
Know that people can fetishize almost anything. Studies show that body parts such as feet, body features such as obesity, piercings, tattoos and splooshing are some of the top activities. When the fixation is on one body part, this is known as partialism. This involves one body part that is isolated and sexually charged or objectified. Body fluid, body size and hair fetishes are some of the other things that people fetishize. Sometimes clothes worn on the hips and legs such as stockings and skirts are at the top of the list for some. Some like to dress in furry animal costumes or have their partners do it.

Love Coach Tips – Ask Dr. Ava!

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

February 26, 2022

Twenty Tips on How to Become an Amazing Love Coach

As a world renowned Sexologist and Love Coach (voted Sex Coach of the Year 2015 by the Sexual Health Expo), and founder of Loveology University, Dr. Ava Cadell has been mentoring Love Coaching students for many years and has many Love Coach tips!

Here are her top 20 Love Coach tips on how to become a Love Coach!

Twenty Tips on How to Become an Amazing Love Coach:

Let clients know your credentials up front, including specialties.
Let them know you offer Love Coaching: an interactive role as a coach, not a medical or therapeutic adviser.
Find out what your client specifically needs coaching for, by asking key questions.
Be truthful and let clients know if they are realistic and if you can help them, rather than disappointing them.
Discuss fees and forms of payment up front.
Discuss length of time for suggested coaching sessions up front.
Have clients fill out and sign a Love Coaching Agreement and Disclaimer before you begin working with them.
In the first session, fill out the client’s questionnaire form to find out why they are seeking Love Coaching with you.
Guide clients to focus on future success rather than past failures.
Assist clients to monitor their successes and celebrate their accomplishments.
Act as a sounding board and just listen.
Teach tools and techniques that clients can use to achieve their personal goals.
Keep your boundaries professional and respectful at all times.
Explore new goal-reaching options and give clients homework (lovework) assignments to help them achieve their chosen goals.
Prepare written developmental plan of action steps, timelines and methods to assess their progress.
Supply extra resources such as books, articles and referrals on relevant issues.
Continually monitor client progress and provide feedback allowing client to flourish.
Suggest clients seek other forms of counseling or therapy if needed.
Let clients know Love Coaching can be used concurrently with (not in place of) other professional analysis.
Always end each session on a high note by thanking them and encouraging them that their goals are attainable.

–From: “Coaching the Love Coach” course, which is a part of LoveUniv.com’s Love Coach Certificate program.

Take a look at our Certified Love Coach program NOW to get started in one of the top professions in the world. Become a Certified Love Coach!

LGBTQ+

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Hookup in the Ladies Bathroom

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The Gender Code: A New Documentary On Gender On Youtube

Watch the Entire Film

The Gender Code is divided into 7 parts:

Our Language for Exploring Gender is Limited

We Are at the Start of a Revolution

The Gender Code Takes a Fresh Look at Gender Diversity

Gender Dysphoria or Cultural Dysphoria?

Defining Sexuality

The Difference Between Sex and Gender

What is Intersex?

What is Gender versus Gender Identity?

What is Transgender?

How to Ask About People’s Pronouns

LGBTQIA* Terms & Pronouns

I am a Bisexual Gender-Fluid Drag Queen

How I Found Out I Was Bisexual

Bisexuality is a Phase–A Common Myth

Bisexual Erasure (Bi-Erasure) –The Stigma Bisexuals Face

Bisexual Men and HIV

Why We Need More Conversations About Bisexuality

Sources:

Twenty Tips on How to Become an Amazing Love Coach

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