Saturday, December 14, 2024

The Art of Pup Play: A Glimpse into the Growing Kink in LGBTQ+ Communities

In the vast landscape of evolving kinks, one gaining traction is pup play—a unique form of role play predominantly within LGBTQ+ communities. Similar to the friendly world of furries, where individuals wear furry animal costumes, pup play enthusiasts immerse themselves in a playful mindset inspired by puppy behavior.

Exploring Pup Play: Beyond Fursuits and Fantasy

Pup play is a form of role play that goes beyond the conventions of the BDSM community. Participants, known as “pups” or “handlers,” mentally, physically, and emotionally take on roles resembling playful puppies or responsible guides called “handlers.” Contrary to common misconceptions, pup play isn’t solely focused on sexual pleasure; it’s about embracing a different facet of one’s identity.

Pups and handlers wear distinctive pup play gear, featuring essential items like a pup mask, a collar, knee pads, and a leash. Handlers engage with their pups through playful interactions, involving pup toys, belly rubs, commands, and attention. In return, the pups express their enthusiasm by barking, playfully crawling on their knees and hands, and welcoming further affection from the handlers.

While pup play has been around for a while, it’s still gaining popularity, and those who immerse themselves in it create their unique “pup persona.” This creative exploration allows individuals to step out of their daily routines and embrace a more playful side.

Community and Connection

The pup play community is characterized by openness and friendliness. Individuals connect through community apps, Facebook, and regular events called “moshes,” often held in LGBTQ+ venues. The overarching theme among roleplaying kinks is the desire to escape the monotony of daily life, rekindling the playful spirit many experienced in childhood.

One of Ryan’s pups told us: “I was a very playful and positive kid, but as I grew older, adulthood brought responsibilities like paying bills, pretending to laugh at my bosses’ jokes, and being exposed to sad and depressing news from around the world. However, when I put on my pup gear, I can forget all that for a moment.”

A survey highlighted that pup play is predominantly popular among queer men. This could be attributed to societal expectations that cast men as more dominant figures, perpetuating the pressure to conform to notions of professionalism and maturity. These expectations might prompt individuals to seek relaxation and take a break, and engaging in role-playing can fulfill that need.

So, why is it so popular amongst LGBTQ+ communities, you might ask? Ryan told us that the reason could be that the LGBTQ+ community is known for giving its members the space and freedom and being open-minded. “With so many different kink groups in our community, we seem to be less judgy about how people behave or dress.”

The LGBTQ+ community, known for its inclusive and open-minded nature, provides a welcoming space for those seeking unconventional forms of expression. However, the appeal of pup play isn’t confined to any particular group. Ryan, the owner of PuppyPlayExpert.com, notes a rising interest from women and straight couples, including CEOs, lawyers, and doctors. For them, the puppy play mask becomes a transformative tool, allowing them to shed the stresses of their professional lives and embrace a carefree, playful existence, even if it’s only for a moment.

Pup Play: More Than a Kink, a Community

Although a significant portion of the community views their roleplaying as having a sexual aspect, Ryan underscores that it goes beyond “only” sexual activities. He emphasizes the significance of community and the pure enjoyment of having fun. Whether stepping into the “pup headspace” or releasing real-life worries, the essence of pup play is found in the shared experience. It serves as a testament to the diverse and accepting nature of LGBTQ+ communities, offering individuals a space to explore, connect, and discover freedom in the art of pup play.

If you’re intrigued by pup play, Ryan emphasizes that the community is exceptionally welcoming to beginners. On his website, he provides a guide on how to ease into the world of pup play. Yet, it’s understandable that some may cast curious or perplexed glances when encountering those engaged in pup play activities. Despite potential judgment, a valuable lesson from the pup play community extends beyond personal participation. Even if pup play isn’t your cup of tea, the community teaches us the importance of occasionally stepping back, reconnecting with the simple joy of “enjoying and having fun.” In the midst of our often stressful daily lives, it’s crucial to refocus on ourselves and our natural desire to let loose and enjoy life.

Am I Bisexual? My First Ever Girl-Girl Bisexual Experience

Am I Bisexual

For as long as I can remember I’ve had sexual fantasies about women. Even as a teenage virgin I would fantasize about lesbian sex, or threesomes with a girl and a guy. They were hot, but I never labelled myself as bisexual. Mainly, despite my many fantasies, the occasional flirtation with gay girls, and a couple of drunken kisses with my friends, I had never been even close to being with a woman.

Did I Miss Out?

I got into a long-term relationship with a guy when I was 21. I had no idea that when I met him that I would end up marrying him. And that those few years before I met him would be all the time I had to experiment. Had I missed out? Should I have had more sex with men, been with a girl, maybe had a threesome before I settled down? Maybe so.

The fantasies didn’t stop just because I was married, but it wasn’t something I dwelled on or really talked about with anyone. Maybe in a healthier relationship it could have been something we discussed, and it could have been hot to experiment together. But that wasn’t an option for us. I know he would have been shocked and would not have reacted well if I told him I wanted to experiment with girls, or even have a threesome which for many guys would be their number 1 fantasy.

No-One Knows I’m A Lesbian

bisexualWhen a friend picked out a T-shirt for me when out shopping with the slogan ‘No one knows I’m a lesbian’ I found it funny. How did she know? Maybe she just sensed it.

My marriage fell apart in my early thirties. And I finally found myself free to do whatever I wanted again. I could see who I wanted, have sex with who I wanted, and I felt liberated. However, when I started dating again it was still only with men. I would occasionally switch the settings on tinder to show me both men and women, and I would look at the profiles of girls near me. But I didn’t have the confidence to swipe right.

I guess I was nervous. As a teenager I was very shy and pretty useless around men. Most of my sexual experiences had been awkward or I was drunk. But now I was much more confident in myself, and having plenty of great sex with men. With women I felt like I was starting over. Would I do it right? Would I like the taste of pussy? Would they be able to tell I’d never done it before? And for a while I suppose I found it easier to stick to what I knew I was good at.

I was tempted by offers of threesomes by kinky couples, but never quite had the courage to go through with it. I would go to gay bars with friends, and chat away to queer girls, some of whom were in open relationships with guys, and their lifestyle appealed to me. But nothing sexual ever happened. I began to wonder if I was just bi-curious and if I would ever actually have to confidence to just go for it.

Am I Bisexual? Butterflies In My Stomach

I’d been single about 18 months by the time I eventually matched with any girls on tinder. Just as with guys, I would chat a bit but often nothing would come from it. When I finally set up a meeting with Sarah in a cocktail bar, I got butterflies in my stomach. I was really doing this.

Sarah seemed the perfect match for me. She was bi-sexual and in a relationship with a guy. But he was cool with her seeing women. I was hesitant to date girls who wanted a relationship as I wasn’t sure what I wanted and didn’t want to lead anyone on. I had no idea what was in store for our first date, but I shaved everything, just in case!

I waited nervously in the bar, I’d bought her a drink, she was late. I wondered for a minute if I was going to be stood up. But 20 minutes later she rushed through the doors flustered and apologizing. She was cute. The conversation seemed to flow, and it was nice. I was quite new in town and hadn’t many girlfriends. If anything, hopefully I could just make a friend. I wasn’t sure exactly how to tell if she fancied me, or how this could progress to something else. But when she leaned over and brushed my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear, I felt a little rush of chemistry.

Hookup in the Ladies Bathroom

Shortly after she said she needed the toilet and asked if I wanted to go with her. I wasn’t sure if she just wanted some girly company or if she had something naughtier in mind. But I agreed. The bar was fancy and the toilets were downstairs in the basement. Dark, and beautifully styled, with flowers between the washbasins, it wasn’t the usual gross public restroom you encounter, it was quite sexy. I could tell by now that she definitely was into me, and after 3 or 4 drinks I was relaxed enough to just got for it.

Once the restroom was empty, she kissed me. It felt strange kissing someone so much shorter than me! It was a great kiss, and I kissed her back pushing her up against the washbasins. But then she took charge and took my hand, taking me into one of the stalls and locking the door. She told me to sit, which I did, and she pulled down my panties…

I totally hadn’t expected my first bisexual experience to be sex in a public restroom! But it was so hot! Although having to be quiet when others came in was a struggle. So, a few days later I invited her around my place so we could do our thing without holding back. Needless to say, the worries that I had beforehand were totally unfounded.

Am I Bisexual?

Am I BisexualAm I bisexual? Yes. It’s not something I feel I need to tell everybody about. Each person’s journey is different and I still don’t really feel the need to label myself or ‘come out’ to every person I meet. However, if anyone asks, I’m totally open about it and happy to share my experiences.

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Do you wonder, “Am I bisexual?”. Visit the Biresource for more bisexual resources.

“Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or to more than one sex or gender. It may also be defined as romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity, which is also known as pansexuality.”Wikipedia

Born This Way? Are People Born Gay?

I read this very interesting book called, “Not Gay Sex Between Straight White Men”. It is written by Jane Ward and she researches the sexual fluidity of straight identifying white men.

Anyways, the discussion of is someone born gay comes up often. Ward gets into the argument that yes, people are born gay and she explains this viewpoint with a political lense. It all makes sense. If someone is born gay and does not choose to be gay, you can’t convert someone to be straight or in other words “cure” homosexuality, just like you can not cure being black or Asian. It’s just who you are. Personally I have a hard time believing you are born to be the sexual identity you are.

I am speaking from my own personal experience about my bisexual identity. This is my opinion. I have no scientific research or data to back my opinion.

Photo by Joshua Mcknight from Pexels

Now that we got the disclaimer out of the way, I discovered my capability to have sexual attraction when I was 12 years old. I remember the moment vividly. I get embarrassed thinking about it but I discovered that my cock was used for more than just peeing when I was dry humping a pillow. As a kid it just felt really good! When I came I was super nervous. I was like, “fuck, I pissed the bed. My parents are going to kill me!”

But it was just cum. I was blown away.

As time progressed and I began watching porn my sexual interests were in penetrative vaginal sex between a woman and a man. It’s what aroused me; it was what I was into. I do not recall my first exposure to homosexuality, but I do recall seeing transwomen and transvestite porn. I did not think much of it and what it meant to my sexuality. I honestly thought it was just hot sex between a man and a woman, a woman that just happens to have a cock. It was hot! I did not think of it being gay or straight. I was just turned on by penetrative sex regardless if it was vaginal, anal, between opposite sexes, same sexes or trans people.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

By the time I turned 20 I found my sexual attraction to men. I was turned on by being penetrated, giving oral sex to men. Most of my sexual attractions were purely sexual. I was very much still romantically attracted to women. Still to this day I am primarily romantically attracted to women, although I have become more open minded to being romantically attracted to men.

But was I born this way? I do not think so.

My life experiences and exposure to what is out on the internet has lead me to my bisexual identity. My first non-heternormative attraction wasn’t until I was 16. I do not have an issue with those claiming they were born gay or born queer. People are totally valid feeling that way. I just do not believe everyone is born with a predetermined sexual orientation and gender identity.

For me I self-discovered I was bisexual and gender-fluid.

Queer Sex Education: The Problem With Sex Education

Photo by Charles Deluvio

Queer sex education is often left out whenever we discuss sexual health, sex positivity and well, sex in general. We all know that traditional sex education is failing us all, but the LGBTQ youth in particular are disproportionately affected by this knowledge gap. It’s ignorant of the social realities and personal concerns that queers deal with about identity, their bodies, pleasure, and relationships.

While we are definitely moving forward with more and more people speaking out about issues that concern the LGBTQ community as a whole, not a lot of people know how to start talking about queer sex, especially to teens who are just starting starting to explore themselves.

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch

The Problem with Sex Ed As We Know It

Traditional sex education has always had its roots in attempting to prevent pregnancy through abstinence and employing scare tactics. Though it has inched its way towards relative progress over the years through its inclusion of contraceptives, it still focuses on sex involving one penis and one vagina, when in fact there are a myriad of sexual experiences that don’t just revolve around this heteronormative act.

This is rooted in the misconception that sexuality is inexplicably tied to our bodies. Our notions of biology, bodies, and sexual health are informed by cultural norms more than we care to realize. Plus, the empirical nature of science helps legitimize these unfounded assumptions as absolute truth. This makes sex education a complicated topic to even begin talking about, let alone inclusively teach.

Sadly, bias is the reality of sex education as we know it. This fundamental misunderstanding of sexuality erases, stigmatizes, and in some cases, demonizes the queer community. When you omit important information about queer sex and queer identities, you are essentially invalidating the experiences of LGBTQ youth, making them feel rejected and not worthy of the chance to decide about sex and their sexualities.

If sex education is structured around misinformation and prejudice, it ultimately creates a public health issue for everyone, queer or not. Not to mention that it has a dangerously adverse impact on the lives of LGBTQ youth. Leaving them out of chances to learn how to have sex safely pushes them towards risky situations without the proper foundations, leaving them more vulnerable to negative sexual health outcomes. These include higher transmission rates of sexually transmitted diseases like HIV and higher risks of sex and dating violence.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon

What does a Queer Sex Education look like?

The short answer is that it’s inclusive, encouraging, and judgment-free. This means expanding the pool of knowledge about sexual health and making it easily available to LGBTQ youth from all walks of life, while maintaining an affirmative environment where they’re free to explore themselves sexually in a safe and healthy way. If the sex education of the past fixated on abstinence, queer sex education must have acceptance at its core.

While sex positivity may shed a light on queer sex, this vague encouragement doesn’t necessarily lead to deeper insights, and this spells trouble when creating resources for queer sex education. Not everyone has the same experiences or relationship with sex, so the journey isn’t the same for everyone and neither is the destination.

Related Read: Hello I’m Gay–Coming Out Again… And Again…

We have to treat queer sex education like a public health issue so we can operationalize frameworks that empower the LGBTQ youth to decide what they think about sex, how they want to have sex, and who they want to have sex with. And sometimes, that means not having sex at all.

Aside from providing more complete information about healthcare options for all the many ways to have sex, queer sex education should also include discussions on sexual orientation and gender identity. This will not only help questioning teens take steps to figure themselves out, but also encourage an attitude of acceptance for all teens of any SOGIE (straight allies included!).

Photo by Retha Ferguson

Queer sex education isn’t just about sex. It’s about starting open and honest conversations that are more inclusive of everyone’s experiences. When you do this, you give more teens an opportunity to form healthy relationships with their sexual and romantic partners, with sex, their own bodies, and most importantly, themselves.

He Secretly Dresses Up In Women’s Clothing, But He’s Not Gay

He Secretly Dresses Up In Women’s Clothing, But He’s Not Gay

Some men like to wear pretty things, women’s things, not because they are gay or want to be a woman but it is a sexual turn on for them.

It is a turn on to be in women’s clothing, they love women so much that they want to feel what it is like to be dressed as one.

Cross-dressing, gender confusion, homosexuality, heterosexuality, likes the feel of woman’s clothing, a fetish how does one put a label on this?

There is a population of men that like to wear women’s panties, bra’s, and even clothing but they are very much attracted to women, so much so that they love to feel what it is like to be a woman or be closer to a woman. Unlike cross-dressing the turn on for them is that the woman is turned on by him wearing the panties, bra or lingerie. He may also like her to tell him what to do or treat him as her pet, ask him to serve her while dressed in the feminine clothing.

For many men that wear women’s clothing or are turned on by it, the unfortunate part about it is some men find themselves confused about their sexuality. They may wonder if they are gay, or perhaps have a gender issue…..

As a clinical sexologist in my private practice working with men has given me a better understanding of how to help them. Each man has his own unique idea of why it turns him on and to the extent that he dresses up or wears women’s clothing. Many times an incident may have happened while going through puberty that will set the “fetish” in motion. Some similarities do occur in many of the men that have spoken to me about their past and growing up.

Most of the men reported to me that they were surrounded by females, sisters, cousins, aunts and strong mother figures, where dad may not have been around that often or not at all. The sisters and even mother may have dressed up the boy once in a while or play dress up and tease him (but that is not the defining factor). He also may have watched from the side lines as his sister, mother, aunt got ready for dates dressing up. How they were excited about changing outfits, the bright colors, sexy lingerie, makeup and getting ready.

 

I am a Bisexual Queen: Bisexual Problems & Bi-Erasure

Bisexuality Erasure

I am a Bisexual Gender-Fluid Drag Queen

Hello friends! My name is Miss Colleen. I am a gender-fluid bisexual drag queen and I today want to talk about my bisexuality, as well as issues that bisexuals face, including bi-erasure.

How I Found Out I Was Bisexual

Miss Colleen

Author: Miss Colleen

I found that I was bi-curious when I was 20 years old. I was attracted to women ever since I hit puberty, but at 20 my curiosity about being sexual with men was strong and I would get aroused at the idea of having sex with men.

Not too long after had my first sexual experience with a man, I was left with doubts about if I really liked it or not. I was overwhelmed and needed time to digest how I felt. Months later I tried again and had a new experience with someone else and found that I do enjoy sex with men.

But I still had a really strong attraction to women. I did some soul searching and at times I was struggling with insecurity and anxiety but once I began to love myself and accept who I am I became proud to be bisexual and I came out to the world about my bisexuality and my drag!

I am primarily sexually and romantically attracted to women. I have never had a relationship with a man before and I am not really sure if that is something I want in my life? Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted and I am sure if I came across the right guy that made me feel that way, I would happily be in a relationship. What troubles me about having a relationship with a man is my primary sexual attraction to women. I feel there would have to be an open relationship to satisfy my desires to be with women. 

Bisexuality is a Phase–A Common Myth

A common belief about bisexuality is that it’s a phase, that eventually someone who is bisexual will either lean to either heterosexual or homosexual, even though studies show that bisexuals make up more than 50% of the LGBTQ+ community.

Bisexuals Bi Majority Infographic

From GLAAD: 13 Things You Didn’t Know About Being Bisexual

I have been told this a few times in my life. I remember being out in drag one night and explaining my bisexuality to someone. They told me along the lines that I was confused, that I was embarrassed that I liked men and that I would eventually become gay.

I feel most people are not as accepting of bisexual people because we do not fit into a binary. I have heard stories about bisexual people not being accepted by gay communities or straight communities.

From my personal experience, I am happy to say I am very accepted and loved in my local gay and drag communities. But ever since I came out, I lost most of my straight friends. Even nowadays, when I go to a local bar or club, not in drag, with my straight friends I have not felt comfortable. I worry about doing or saying the wrong thing, about being too queer, I feel like I constantly second guess myself. I feel more comfortable being among my queer friends and community, in or out of drag. I feel more vibrant and my energy is higher.

My only wish is to build a bisexual+ community locally. I am hoping with my advocacy for bisexual people will help create a local bi+ community!

Bisexual Erasure (Bi-Erasure) –The Stigma Bisexuals Face

Bi-Erasure

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Bi-Erasure: “Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant. Despite years of activism and the largest population within the LGBT community, the needs of bisexuals still go unaddressed and their very existence is still called into question. This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs.” —from Biresource.org, Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations (PDF)

A stigma bisexuals face is bisexual erasure (Bi-Erasure). People are misconceived that bisexuality simply does not exist yet bisexual people make up the majority of the LGBTQ+ population here in America. This is why it is so important to me to be visible. People go out of their way to make bisexuals feel unvalidated or unaccepted.

Bisexuals are least likely to be out of the closet because of the general doubt that people are not truly bisexual. My hopes and dreams in being visible and out there is to help those that are questioning their bisexuality and have insecurity about themselves, to give my example to see and make others feel validated and that they deserved to be accepted and loved!

Bi-Erasure is critical to the reduction of resources and support bisexuals need. According to the Bisexual Resource Center, bisexuals have higher rates of anxiety, depression and other mood disorders compared to heterosexuals and homosexuals. Bisexuals also have a higher rate of heart disease, cancer risk factors and STI diagnoses.

I have personally dealt with anxiety and insecurity about being bisexual. My biggest insecurity is finding love with women. I dated a cisgender woman for two years. Among other issues, I decided to break up with her. She was not accepting or supporting of my bisexuality. We have talked numerous times about having an open relationship but there were limits to that open relationship that did not benefit me from having an open relationship.

I absolutely adored being in a relationship and having someone that was there for me for whatever I needed. But at the same time the no support of my bisexuality, which makes up a huge piece of me, hurt. This anxiety comes and goes and I do my best to implement by best self-care techniques to work through any anxiety issues.

Bisexual Men and HIV

bisexual men and HIV

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon

There is also little to no accurate information or research on bisexual men and HIV. National reporting standards only distinguish between gay men and straight men. Bisexual men are grouped together with gay men, as another form of Bi-Erasure. This makes gaining accurate information about bisexual men difficult. The lack of accurate information further deepens the stigma bisexuals face.

Going back to my past relationship, my ex stigmatized me when it came to hooking up with men. She did not trust that I would play safely and if I were to have sex with men I would without a doubt give her a disease. Their is no concrete research or data about bisexual men and HIV/STIs. I do hope in the future more research and studies will be coordinated with bisexual men to end the stigma.

Why We Need More Conversations About Bisexuality

Bi-Erasure

From sexualalpha.com

Talking about bisexuals can help save lives. This is why I share my bisexuality and am open and honest not only to myself about who I am and what I do, but to others as well. We can fight the stigma and Bi-Erasure by having open and honest conversation about who we are as bisexual people.

Self acceptance, talking about our sexual interests, practicing safe sex and communicating with your partners. All these things can help people better understand bisexuality and acknowledge that bisexuality is not a phase and that bisexual people do exist.

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Featured Photo by Marta Branco

Sources:

  1. Bisexual Men Aren’t ‘Spreading HIV’. https://www.hivplusmag.com/stigma/2014/10/06/are-bisexual-men-missing-hiv-link-or-pure-myth 
  2. Mental health Biphobia Brochure. BiResource.Org. http://biresource.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Mental_Health_Biphobia_Brochure.pdf

The Gender Code: Gender & Sexuality Documentary by Luka

The Gender Code: A New Documentary On Gender On Youtube

The Gender Code is a new documentary on gender and sexuality by filmmaker and artist, Luka. Luka is a 29 year old trans activist and visionary from Ireland, who identifies as gender feminine, and who has spent the past 6 years creating this documentary that examines gender and sexuality in a different way than what is culturally defined in today’s society. Luka created the film: writing, directing, animating, producing and appearing in it; which is an amazing accomplishment for one person, to create a film almost 2 hours long that is so professionally produced, visually and intellectually compelling.

The film is very beautifully animated and artistic, which makes it a pleasure to watch. But, more importantly is the subject matter it explores, from the POV of trans, feminine, non-binary and gender-fluid people. There are many interviews, historical news footage covering the GLBTQ+ history and movements, as well as some disturbing flashes of trans-phobia and gender violence. Yet, the ending is very powerful, and visualizes a hopeful new paradigm of gender fluidity beyond what we recognize in today’s culture that is inclusive, and embraces both our inner and outer masculine and feminine qualities on a dynamic spectrum that humanity can embrace.

“There is an expanding culture of people emerging, who for the first time in history are starting to have the resources to explore their identities (transgender, fluid, non- binary, etc.) Effectively and more recently, a huge number of men are exploring their attraction to us. The reality is we have very limited language, education or precedents to understand or navigate people’s identities and preferences.

The Gender Code is a documentary animated and created by me over a period of years, that looks at the bigger picture of gender and sexuality through my understanding and observations.”–Luka, filmmaker: The Gender Code

Watch the Entire Film

The Gender Code is divided into 7 parts:

  • Introduction: 00:00 (General introduction on the film and my experiences)
  • “Our Present” 7:33 (How we view gender and sexuality today)
  • “Our Past” ” 13:40 ( 20th century queer history up-to today)
  • “Gender and Sexuality” 32:23 (An introduction to the diversity of gender and sexuality)
  • “Change” : 56:04 (Answers and the science behind the reasons for misunderstanding)
  • “The Spectrum” : 1:16:57 (An in depth conclusion and breakdown with interviews with the cast)
  • “The Future” : 1:45:07 (A look at the powerful possibilities of the future)

Our Language for Exploring Gender is Limited

The Gender Code- film still

“The reality is we have very limited language, education or precedents to understand or navigate people’s identities and preferences. Everyday I check my mail or my Grindr account receiving a shocking amount of messages from men who say they are discovering trans girls / feminine males, and they can’t openly acknowledge this. A lot of times this shame turns to them sexually objectifying us. This invisibility, and lack of education is extremely painful and urgent. I will do anything to get my message out there. It is my dream to start a conversation and bring education to the invisible.”

We Are at the Start of a Revolution

“I really believe that all human beings have the ability to love someone of the same sex, and that gender can take many forms. Humanity is more of a spectrum, rather than gay or straight. We’ve been divided by an illusion of “Gay and Straight” and there is a lot of lost potential. Our current language is outdated and was written a long time ago by people who may not have had the reality of everyone in mind. People are crying out for a regeneration of thinking. I really feel we are at the very early stages of a revolution.”

The Gender Code Takes a Fresh Look at Gender Diversity

The Gender Code- film still

“Looking at our past, present and our future, The Gender Code acts as a map to help navigate this emerging reality. It’s an intensely researched, non biased, guide of the bigger picture of gender and sexuality through my experiences and observations. I would like to think it takes a fresh unique look at the entire reality of what we know as LGBTQ and brings things into a 21st century perspective, departing from traditional oppressive thinking and effectively expanding everyone’s potential.”

“Through my observations and research (and intense it was!) I’ve come to the conclusion that most of societies ideas, customs and rhetoric are passed down from an outdated and superstitious space, lacking scientific and feminine or (yang) consciousness.”

“I found many hypocritical and unfair realities and entities that I wanted to bring into the light, the main one being that the theory of sexuality and gender, is, in my research and understanding actually, a 20th century myth based on feminine and masculine polarity within the left and right cerebral hemispheres of the brain.”–From an interview with Luka at GCN News.

Gender Dysphoria or Cultural Dysphoria?

“I’m Luka, I’m the person in the video, I’m 28 years old, I am gender feminine, (meaning my gender feelings and expressions are on the more feminine side of the spectrum. My biological sex is male and I am proud and ok with that. I don’t feel I have dysphoria with my genitals, rather I have dysphoria with society’s outdated customs and expectations of what / how and who people should all dress behave and love, based on our biological sex. (whether we have an innie or an outie, should not define our life paths!)”

All images and quite by Luka, creator of The Gender Code.

Video- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zph7H-O0d5w

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/lukakeating/

About the Film- https://filmfreeway.com/TheGenderCode

What is happening to your body during orgasm

You know the feeling… butterflies, waves of pleasure, toes curling, involuntary noises and a racing heart? All these things are happening during orgasms. But have you ever thought, what is happening with your body? What is the brain doing? What role is anatomy playing? While there has been a history of research in human sexuality, studying orgasms is new. It was not until 1953 that a female orgasm was recognized. Before that, it was believed that woman received no pleasure from sex, and it was meant to be pleasurable for the male. We have used magnetic resonance imaging to determine what the brain does during orgasms. Based on a set of determinates, the test showed that the logical part of the brain shuts down during sex.

Multiple spatially remote brain regions are involved in the sexual response cycle. The hypothalamus, thalamus, substantia nigra, sensory cortex and motor areas go into overdrive during the big ‘O’. This allows the body to react to touch, fantasies, and sexual memories. The hypothalamus is producing oxytocin, which is the snuggle, feel good hormone increasing arousal thus pleasure. Another hormone the brain releases is a surge of dopamine. The purpose of dopamine is to allow for feelings of pleasure, desire, and motivation in the prefrontal cortex. Prolactin is also released at orgasm. It is the overall feeling of satisfaction that comes with the orgasm and not for nothing, it also produces milk. This is mainly because of the increase of blood flow and release of hormones. Serotonin is released after an orgasm. This hormone promotes a good mood and relaxation maybe even a little sleepy.

Basically, the brain before, during and after orgasm is the same as the reactions of doing drugs or listening to your favorite song. The brain does not tell the difference between sex and other pleasurable experiences like eating ice cream at 9pm. It also sends off chemicals that can lessen pain. That’s right, orgasm can cure a headache. The pituitary gland releases endorphins, oxytocin and vasopressin which promote pain reduction, bonding and intimacy.

If you think the brain is busy, check out what your anatomy is doing in the process. The internal organs composing the sexual anatomy of the male include the epididymis, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, prostate gland, Cowper’s glands, and urethra. The most prominent part of a male’s sexual anatomy is his penis. The penis has three primary functions: Initiating orgasm and transporting semen and urine from the body. It is made of the base, shaft, and glans. The base and shaft are where the erectile tissue and muscles are. In addition, there is the scrotum and the testicles. The scrotum is the sac of wrinkled skin behind and below the penis that contain the testicles. For vulvas owner, the process is more complex. This makes orgasm depend upon development in the womb. It’s called the CUV Complex. It stands for Clitoral-Urethra-Vagina with the cervix and perineal sponge. The vulva is the most obvious part of the clitoris. There is the clitoral hood which is either attached to the inner lips or not attached at all. There is the shaft that is located near the pubic bone.

The pelvis bone is V-shaped, and the clitoral legs run down them. If you press against your pubic bone and move upward, you will be able to activate these legs. Hence why grinding feels so good. The vestibular bulbs connect to the clitoral legs swell with arousal and can cause the outer lips to swell. The bulbs are known as the Skene’s Gland which are connected to the urethral sponge and holds the fluid that is ejaculated. The urethral opening is a part of the inner lips that sit below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.

Often, we see the cervix as something used in pregnancy, however it holds a pleasurable punch for some as well. It is essentially the opening to the uterus, but you don’t want to enter it. Simply touching the cervix activates the pelvic nerve that sends pleasurable signals in the uterus, cervix, and upper vagina. This can result in deeper cervical orgasms. The P-spot and is located between the vagina and the rectum. When engorged with arousal and massaged you can experience an orgasm. The Bartholin’s glands cause the vagina to lubricate. Lubrication is crucial when penetrating. The brain and body are going through a lot all at once before, during and after an orgasm. Knowing this information can help you create your best experiences.

Hello I’m Gay–Coming Out Again… And Again…

We talk about coming out as if it’s something you only do once.  In my experience it’s an ongoing part of life. Sometimes it’s easy, and other times it makes my stomach flutter.

I first came out as a lesbian 30 years ago when I was still in college.  Initially I was very careful about whom I shared this tender information with.  In 1985 being gay felt both like being part of a special club and living in a freak show.

Over time, I widened the circle of people that I told.  Sometimes I was praised for being courageous and other times I was treated with contempt or confusion.  One of the more memorable responses to my coming out was when my sister-in-law’s 60-year-old mother said, while we were cooking Thanksgiving dinner, “I’ve seen that on the Phil Donahue show, but never met one before.”

In 1991, my partner Rinda and I had a service of commitment in our Unitarian Universalist Church.  Most of our family members came, and as far as I was concerned I was out to the world. It was a done deal.

Little did I know that becoming a lesbian parent would force me to be out in whole new way.  It started at the birth in the hospital where I had to justify my relationship with my own child at every change of shift.  Some nurses were tickled pink to be working with an ‘alternative’ family.  But others were confused, offended, or outright hostile.  Looking back, I wonder how well I explained the situation–sleep deprived as I was.

At restaurants, waitresses would casually ask, “Who’s her mother?” Rinda and I would stare at each other, unprepared at first. Eventually we learned to say, “We both are. We’re a couple.”

“Who’s her real mother?” often came next.

“We both are. But Rinda’s her birth mom, if that’s what you’re really asking.”

By the time we had two kids, with the same donor but two different birth moms, the story of our how our family came to be was often more than we wanted to convey to a casual inquiry before ordering drinks. And yet, we wanted our children to hear us talk easily about our family structure and learn how to explain it themselves.  Their experience of having two moms was nearly invisible in popular culture.  We wanted to make it a source of pride, and not shame.

So I learned to say enough without saying too much.   And I learned to uncover what I was really being asked. And I learned when to give a ten-second explanation and when to have a longer conversation. And I learned to let our children take the lead as they grew older. And I learned to say the word ‘wife.’

I never expected to be a wife or have a wife, but now I am one and I have one.  It’s turned out to be the best thing ever, because that single word conveys so much, so clearly.  Without any further explanation, total strangers understand my relationship to Rinda. “Girlfriend,” “partner,” “life mate” require more sentences to be certain that I’m being understood.  But “wife” is completely clear.

The federal legal recognition that came last year brought more ease and clarity to my life than I had expected.  After all, we’d been married in our hearts and souls since 1991.  And our marriage was recognized in the state of California. What could a federal blessing of our marriage give us that we didn’t already have?

It turns out, a lot. Now that we were ‘out’ to the federal government, when we got a mortgage we knew how to hold title.  In the past we had long conversations with the title company; and all of us were just making a guess about the best way for us to hold title as a couple that was legally married in California, but not at the federal level.

We only have to fill out one joint federal tax return, which can be used for our state return.  For many years our accountant did a joint federal tax return so he could do a joint state return, and then he did an individual return for each of us.  We paid a lot of money for those extra returns.

When I fill out our Federal Financial Aid forms for college, I don’t have to leave out a parent.  In the past I felt like I was holding back information, but there was no way to represent our reality because federal tax returns (the basis for the form) did not recognize both parents.  I even called to make sure I was doing it right.  The woman on the phone was kind, but told me that the financial aid form simply did not include a way to represent the reality of our family.

Changing laws is important to creating the just, multicultural society the U.S. Constitution promises.  Changing hearts and minds is equally important in making that dream a reality.  As we make these changes, our coming out stories change as well.

I’m part of a Facebook group for queer moms.  Lately there has been a string of posts from women about their experiences with hospitals.  The common theme is that they start out ready to fight to have “our family” recognized in Utah, or a in Catholic hospital.  But instead they are met with respect, joy, and clarity about filling in birth certificates, NICU visitation privileges, or being called Mom.  Those stories bring tears to my eyes. Wow!  The pace of change of beautiful.  And yet the moral arc of the universe doesn’t easily bend toward justice.  There are always steps backwards.

My favorite coming out moments are the ones that shine a light on my own prejudices.  The times I was met with love and respect from the very people I had been taught would hate me filled my heart with grace.  The military officer who told me that part of his duty was to stand with gay and lesbian service people who were being drummed out of the service because of their sexual orientation. 

My 80-year-old, devoutly Catholic aunt who told me that God loves everyone and doesn’t make any mistakes.  The grandmother at my children’s elementary school, a Jehovah’s Witness, who apologized with tears in her eyes that her grandson had teased my daughter about having two moms.  Each of those encounters taught me to put away my assumptions and treat people as individuals.

The potential cost of coming out is rejection. But the cost of being hidden, of living in shame, is far greater.  And the opportunities that coming out affords are enormous. Coming out as a lesbian has given me the courage to come out as an artist, a writer, a Black Lives Matter activist, and a person of faith.  It’s allowed me to be more of my authentic self in so many ways, and hopefully gives others the courage to do the same.  And it’s given people permission to tell me their stories of spiritual and personal growth, connecting us across differences, but reminding us of our shared humanity.

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See Loveology’s Course on women loving women for sex education on how to become a better lover.

Welcome to Loveology University: Higher Learning & Wellness Retreat

From Buddhist Temple to Loveology University

The property was the Pine Mountain Buddhist Temple Retreat for the past 23 years, known for Zen Meditation in the Ventura County Mountains of Southern California.

The residents were two Buddhist Monks, Reverend Phoebe and Reverend Seikai who made this place a labor of love by opening their home for Buddhist Teachings, Meditation Workshops and Buddhist Festivals. As soon as I met them, I felt an immediate mind, body, soul connection. When they shared their desire to move to a smaller place, I knew that this magnificent land with mountains, an abundance of trees, flowers and Buddha statues would be perfect for my Loveology Retreat! The monks left their cats Ivy and Marley for me to take care of and for them to continue living at the only home they’ve ever had.

Retreat Services

You can come here to study for your Certified Love Coach training, enjoy scenic hiking trails, relax through holistic services such as massage and water therapy, focus on love, peace and happiness through yoga and meditation, practice self-love through healing workshops, boost intimacy or connect with your family at this 45-acre paradise.

Sacred Monument

This sacred Stupa statue is a pinnacle that you must see to believe. Many believe that circumambulating a Stupa purifies negative karma and fosters realizations of the path to enlightenment. When you enter the monument, you should bow to the Buddha inside the Stupa and walk around it clockwise — an experience that can prove meditative for Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.

Buddhist Temple

It’s important for me to maintain the integrity of the Buddhist Temple property, so I have left the Meditation room the same as when the Monks lived here. I told them that they are welcome at any time that they wish to have a Meditation Retreat.

Renovations to Retreat

The renovations include a Recreation Room with gym equipment for adults and games for kids and teens. Outdoor Yoga and Meditation under a Pergola, a Swimming Pool, Obstacle Course, Children’s Playground with Trampoline. For dining, we will have a BBQ and a Pizza Oven, as well as healthy vegan dishes to enjoy under beautiful Sunsets. Accommodation will also be available in houses or caravans, so stay tuned for more photos and our opening event party.