Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!
Love, Lust & Laughter Radio Podcast Featuring Dr. Ava!
Pleasure and passion is a sign of health – one of the vital signs, like your pulse rate. Dr Ava Cadell and Dr. Diana discuss the health benefits of sex – a longer life, improved heart health, pain relief, better sleep, reduced stress, an improved immune system, and improvements in your appearance and relationships. Dr. Ava also talked about her favorite female and male health devices. The Intensity delivers women pleasure with a purpose! Listeners can get $50 off the device with the PROMO code 50free at http://www.pourmoi.com. For men, Dr. Ava recommends the Private Gym, for which listeners can get 20% off with the PROMO code sexpert20 at http://www.privategym.com. This interview includes vital info from Dr. Ava’s many books and seminars.
Discovering pleasure with a partner is like pouring cement into a foundation. Physical touch that leads to ecstatic release not only releases hormones and endorphins that promote health and longevity, but also serve as the basis of biological bonding.
Click below to listen to the interview (approx. one hour):
7 Underwater Sex Questions Answered
Many people find the concept of underwater sex to be exciting and it can certainly be a great way to show off your more adventurous side.
However, regardless of whether you are thinking about sex in the shower or hot tub, or sex in a lake, or a swimming pool, there are things you need to consider and risks you need to be aware of!
In this Q&A piece, I’ll answer some of the most frequent questions people have asked regarding having sex in water. Let’s get right into the questions!
Table of Contents
1) Is it possible to engage in penetration while submerged in water, or would it wash off (natural or store-bought) lubrication?
One of the single biggest misconceptions about underwater sex is the idea that because everyone involved is soaking wet, there is no need for lubrication. In actual fact, the water can wash away natural vaginal lubricant, resulting in dryness that can make sex difficult and painful. For this reason, it is important to buy artificial lubrication.
In general, lubricants and gels can be separated into two main types: water-based and silicone-based. Although water-based options are popular because they tend to be easier to clean up and less sticky, they are not ideal for underwater sex. Silicone-based lubricants, on the other hand, offer water-resistant qualities, making them a better choice.
2) What about in the shower – would penetration be easier to maneuver in terms of lubrication?
Shower sex can be significantly easier to navigate in terms of lubrication, because the body is not fully submerged in water. This can make penetrative sex easier and less painful without the use of artificial lubricants.
With that being said, the problem with the water from the shower potentially washing away the body’s natural vaginal lubrication may still persist. Therefore, even in the shower, it may still be necessary to purchase a silicone-based lubricant with water-resistant qualities and use this liberally to make penetration easier.
3) What sex acts CAN work in water?
If you are in the shower, you have a wide range of options available, from penetrative sex, to oral sex, and virtually anything else that can be performed standing up, or kneeling down. You will need to be careful in certain positions, as the water does increase the chances of slipping over, but your choices are fairly unrestricted!
For baths, hot tubs and pools, again, penetrative sex is relatively easy to perform, while the use of hands for non-penetrative stimulation is also simple enough. However, oral sex can be more difficult, as unlike in a shower, the water is not constantly draining. Therefore, you will need to think carefully about positioning.
In outdoor environments, such as oceans, lakes and similar bodies of water, options can be more restricted. Try to find a location where you are able to maintain sure footing. Avoid positions where one or both people need to have their head underwater for any length of time, as this introduces an unnecessary level of risk. Penetrative sex and the use of hands for stimulation and foreplay should both be possible. Oral sex may be more tricky in these environments.
You should also know that the use of sex toys is perfectly possible when having underwater sex. However, you need to be sensible about this. It’s crucial to invest in waterproof sex toys that are marketed for their ability to be used in baths, showers, pools, hot tubs, etc. Fortunately, most modern vibrating dildos and other toys are safe and functional for this type of use.
4) Do condoms still work underwater?
Research on condom effectiveness underwater is still surprisingly limited. Nevertheless, there is no reliable evidence to suggest the effectiveness of latex-based condoms will be adversely affected by the presence of water alone. In general, if you are engaged in underwater sex, use of a latex-based condom is recommended.
With that being said, Durex suggests that there could be an increased risk of condom slippage. The company also speculated that although salt present in sea water should not impact upon the effectiveness of its condoms, it is possible that chemicals in swimming pools could, theoretically, reduce their overall effectiveness.
5) Does the chances of condoms tearing increase if you’re underwater?
There is no evidence that the presence of water alone increases the risk of a condom tearing, at least with conventional latex condoms. However, if you are having sex in a swimming pool, or in a hot tub with chlorine in the system, there is the potential that the durability of the condom could be compromised slightly.
It is important to stress that evidence of this effect is limited. Condom manufacturers are not required to test their products in underwater conditions with chlorine and other chemicals present and studies are few and far between. However, Durex and other brands have anecdotally implied that the risk of tearing could increase in these conditions.
6) Could chlorine and/or ocean or lake water potentially irritate the genitals or cause any sort of medical issue?
Unfortunately, the simple answer to this question is ‘yes’, especially for women. Chlorine can affect the pH balance of the vagina, making yeast infections more likely, while irritation, itching and vulvitis also become more likely. In pools, oceans and lakes, there is also the possibility of bacteria in the water causing issues. This may lead to urinary tract infections, or other less common infections, so you do need to be aware of this heightened risk.
For men, the chances of encountering issues are significantly lower, but the presence of bacteria in ocean or lake water can still lead to problems. Penile irritation is also possible in pools and hot tubs that contain chlorine. If you or your partner do experience irritation, it is best to stop immediately and reconsider your approach.
7) Are there any other considerations someone should have regarding sex in water?
It is important to remember that water-based sex of any kind will introduce some safety hazards, so you and your partner do need to take care. If you are having sex in the bath or shower, be aware of the potential for slipping and falling.
Handrails can be one way to reduce the dangers in this particular area. If you are in a pool, lake or the sea, have respect for the water and remember that there is a drowning hazard that needs to be taken seriously.
The main other thing to be aware of is the law. While sex in a public place can be a turn-on, and while introducing water adds a whole extra element of fun, be mindful of legal issues that could arise if you are caught in the act. For similar reasons, you should also avoid having sex in someone else’s private swimming pool without permission.
Need A Libido Boost? These Women Over 40 Have Some Great Ideas
*Photos by IconicPinups.com
You know that old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” Well, these eight women flash some serious side-eye to that sentiment by trying something new, past the age of 40, that transformed their sex lives forever. Here are their suggestions, so take notes!
Try Tantric Sex
Tantric Sex is not all about having sex for hours on end as rock star Sting once boasted. It actually includes realistic practices that can help sex last longer. “My boyfriend and I learned the tantric ‘Breath of Fire’ in which he breathes very fast through his nose to delay his climax. To feel more sensation during the Big O, we growled like tigers to tap into our primal nature. Sounds silly, but it totally worked!” explains Caroline, 51.
Take Sexy Selfies – For Yourself!
For Lisa, 46, taking sexy photos of (and for!) herself gave her a whole new sense of self… and sexiness! “I gained a lot of weight and my self-confidence was down. So I started taking photos of myself for fun. With my digital camera, I was able to control the angle, the lighting, and use a filter and I liked what I saw. I gave me my confidence back. I don’t apologize for my size anymore and I feel more confidence in life and the bedroom,” she says.
Embrace Your Inner Goddess With Buti Yoga
If you want to feel like a warrior princess, a goddess, and a sex kitten all in one hour, then try BUTI yoga. That’s how Carrie, 47, describes this unique yoga practice that combines shakti (the female principle of divine energy) awakening power yoga, primal movements, and tribal dance with a bit of twerking, belly dancing, and exotic dance moves. “When I get out of BUTI class, I want to have sex. I feel sexy, strong, powerful and very fired up. It awakens the goddess in me!” she says.
Take a Burlesque Class
Burlesque, a form of striptease that dates back to the 1800s, helps women learn how to tease and seduce in a classy way using vaudeville-style props and cheekiness. (Pun intended!) “My friend told me it was very empowering, so I gave it a shot. I would practice my routine for my boyfriend after class and we both loved it. I would never dance for a guy like that before, but this class was a real confidence-builder and it spiced up the relationship big time,” says Janie, 47.
Book A Boudoir Photo Shoot
Why should models have all the fun? Photo studios, like Iconic Pinups in L.A., offer Pinup Girl and Boudoir photo shoots to help women tap into their inner pinup model or vixen. ” It brought back the va-va-voom in me! I gave a book of my Iconic Pinup photos to my boyfriend as a gift and it reminded us of our desire for each other. I felt sexier and when you feel sexy, the sex is better!” says Shari, 54.
Sext Your Partner
A recent study reported that 80% of adults have sexted. Have you? Sending sexy photos and/or messages is a great way to add some spice into any relationship. Just ask Alexa, 47. “I’ll sext my boyfriend all day and by the time I get home, we’re just ready for each other. When you’re flirting all day, you feel hornier at night. It’s also a great way to ask for what you want sexually without having the awkward conversation in person,” she says.
Smoke Some Weed
Guess what? Cannabis is now an aphrodisiac. Many sativa strains are blended specifically to increase the libido. “I smoked for the first time in about 20 years and it opened doors for me sexually. I had an absolute sexual awakening with weed. It helped me let go of insecurities and made me feel freer. I walk around naked now… and I’m crazier in bed. And, that feeling has stayed with me even when I’m not smoking weed,” says Jennifer, 49.
Read Erotica
If reading is to the mind what exercise is the to the body, then reading erotica is to the female libido what Viagra is for men with erectile dysfunction! “I didn’t realize how not in touch with my sexuality I was until I started reading erotica late one night. It woke me up, and taught me a lot. I learned to use my voice in bed, which was a liberating lesson for me and made it hot for my lover,” says Kate, 49.
What is Cuckolding?
People have been asking Sexpert.com for more information on cuckolding in relationships. Our article “Cuckold Relationships” by Dawn Michael is one of the most-read pieces on the site, because people hear about the practice and want to know what it is, and whether it’s right for their relationships. Most people know it has something to do with wanting to “watch” as your partner has sex with another person, but how does it work and what is the lingo? Who’s doing it and why? In this video, I explain the basics of cuckolding.
Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!
Fitness Guru Ben Greenfield Shares His Penis Strength Secrets
Bestselling author, global speaker and fitness guru Ben Greenfield takes on the PrivateGym this week in “How to Make Your Penis Stronger With A Private Gym,” an extremely informative and quite hilarious blog that chronicles his first four weeks of penis training with the male fitness program.
From the moment of picking up the discreet package in his mailbox, (“So much for 7-minute abs. I now have the promise of 7-minute gonads”) through all the penis lifts and pelvic floor contractions, I had to laugh out loud in several places at this honest and humble account of a man super-charging his penis.
I have to say my favorite part is when, at one point, Greenfield is losing his erection while exercising, and instead of turning to porn, he breaks out sexy pictures of his wife. You simply can’t help but root for his penis-strength journey after that! And in the end (spoiler alert) his wife actually notices the pelvic strength he’s developed, leaving him feeling confident and falling asleep with a smile.
I highly recommend reading this blog for a play-by-play on how the Private Gym training system really works. He gets into nitty gritty details that you can’t learn from reading the product box, and describes the experience in helpful ways.
Here at Sexpert, you can read another informative review of the PrivateGym by Dr. Don Etkes, and some great information from Urologist Dr. Andrew Siegel about erection rigidity, penis hydraulics and what to expect of erections as you age.
There’s still time to enter to win your own Private Gym in our June contest. ENTER NOW!
How To Share Your Kink: Communication Tips
Most of us look for ways to improve our sex lives, even if we’re generally happy with whatever we have going on. Discovering a new kink or fetish often leads to a desire to bring that into your bedroom, but getting what you want can seem difficult. Many couples enjoy a healthy and active sex life but they rarely – if ever – actually discuss their sex lives with each other. So when one partner wants something new, it seems like an impossible task to introduce the idea to the other person.
But getting what you want in bed isn’t really that difficult. These five steps will take you through the process and ease you into introducing the topic to your partner and developing a healthy foundation for your sexual future.
Know What You Want
In many cases, a person will know what they want. Maybe they want to try spanking or having their partner blindfold them. Specific acts are easy to pin down, but sometimes things are a bit trickier. Sometimes a person knows what they want the end result to be, even if they’re not sure how to get there. A woman might see a video on female ejaculation (also known as squirting) and want to try achieving that kind of orgasm. But squirting isn’t something that comes easy to most women and there are very specific sexual techniques partners need to use in order to achieve that goal.
Explore Your Kink On Your Own First
Whatever your kink or sexual goal, do a little research on your own before bringing it up to your partner. This means checking out movies, books, erotic fiction and shopping around for the accessories or supplies you’ll need. Exploring the kink or fetish a bit on your own will make it easier to talk about with your partner. This will also make it easier to speak with confidence and get past any initial awkwardness.
Ask Instead of Ordering
People respond better to being asked something rather than having a demand levied. Don’t tell your partner what you two will be trying out, ask them how they feel about the kink. Share your own interests, listen to what they have to say and encourage each other to have a deep and meaningful conversation about the topic. If you’re interested in trying out different forms of BDSM, discuss how much you’re willing to give or receive along with how comfortable your partner is. Don’t demand the whole nine yards right away – ask your partner about his or her comfort level and use that as a starting point.
Lose Your Inhibitions
Being open and communicating what you want from sex isn’t the time to beat around the bush or speak in riddles. Be frank and up front about what you want before and during sex. Don’t hold back to ask your partner to squeeze more, pinch tighter or change the level of intensity. At the same time, don’t hold back when it comes to telling your partner how good something make you feel. The more information you share with your partner, the better they’ll be able to please you – and the more likely they’ll be to communicate with you.
Stay Open to Spontaneity
Exploring a fetish or new kink means following some sort of plan since you’ve done your research and have things you want to try. But don’t let that process prevent you from being spontaneous with your partner. If you’ve been playing around with pegging and he wants to throw some light whipping into the mix, give it a try if it’s within your comfort levels. There’s no wrong way to explore sexuality with your partner, so don’t be afraid to mix things up and try different combinations. It will keep your sex life interesting, encourage communication between the two of you and will make it easier for you both to have the best sex of your lives.
Top 10 Sexual Resolutions for Women
How can you make 2022 the sexiest year ever? I’ve got a surefire way for you to explore your desires so it can happen for you now!
This is an exercise that I have demonstrated with audiences in the U.S., the U.K. and five cities in Australia, and it’s not only a great ice-breaker for people to discuss their wants and needs, but it results in a tangible blue print for the actions you can take to make your fantasies come true.
I always start out by asking, “Are you making love a priority in your life?” and I usually get mixed results. There are single people focused on their careers who have just started to feel the urge to get ‘out there’ and look for a soul mate, and singles who have been looking forever and keep dating the same type of person who’s making them miserable. There are couples who are afraid they’re growing apart and want to reverse that trend, and couples who are closer than ever, ready to take on new sexual adventures together. There are also couples in predictable relationships where they make love in the same place at the same time in the same position all the time – and at least one of them is not sexually satisfied and could be resentful.
Next I ask everyone write down ten things that they believe would make their love lives better. I encourage you to do this before the new year too! You can choose things like I want to feel confident when I’m naked, or I want more cuddling. Here’s an example of a top ten list from a female client:
1. I want to find the right lover
2. I want to love my entire body
3. I want to overcome my sexual inhibitions
4. I want to overcome my sexual guilt & shame
5. I want to get some amazing sex toys
6. I want to have a sexier bedroom
7. I want to have more time for sex
8. I want sex more often / I want sex to last longer
9. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires
10. I want to have more sexual adventures
Now that you’ve made your list, I want you to keep the five things from your list that are absolutely necessary in order for you to have more happiness, more satisfaction, more fulfilment, more intimacy and more sex. Then delete the other five.
My female client’s top five list:
1. I want to love my entire body (because she couldn’t surrender to a lover without feeling self-conscious about her weight)
2. I want to find the right lover (it had been four years since her divorce)
3. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires (her ex-husband was unwilling to learn about her sexual needs)
4. I want to have more sexual adventures (she tried to get her husband to make love in different positions and try Tantric sex, but he said he wasn’t interested)
5. I want some amazing sex toys (she wants to have orgasms even without a partner)
Now, my client was astonished when I asked her to choose only two essential items from her diminishing list. I gave her ten minutes, five minutes for each! She decided to keep:
1. I want to love my entire body (which includes overcoming sexual inhibitions & using sex toys)
2. I want to find the right lover (which includes sexual adventures and good communication)
The next session I spent with this client was dedicated to discovering how she could love her body. We used a naked “Gingerbread Lady” exercise to help. She drew a simple outline of her body, then I gave her a red crayon to highlight the areas on her body that she didn’t like. She focused on her belly and thighs, so we discussed them both, and came up with reasons for her to turn that disdain into love. With her belly, she was self-conscious about the layer of fat, but as we discussed her joyful pregnancy and the miracle of childbirth, she began to see that there were good associations with her belly as well, including a healthy digestive system that had never given her any problems. With her thighs she managed to transform, “They’re too big” into “They’re strong and I love how the muscles feel when I’m hiking.”
After that we tackled how she could find the right lover. I gave her a pheromone-infused lava rock bracelet from Eye of Love to attract potential partners and help make her feel more confident. Then I recommended that she go to three different places where she might find a man with the qualities she was looking for in a partner – a hardware store, a popular hiking trail and a health food restaurant. You may have gathered that she was looking for a man who was fit, handy and a vegetarian! By the way, she met him when he complimented her bracelet.
The thought-provoking conclusion to this new year’s resolution exercise is that you don’t need as much as you thought you did in order to be sexually fulfilled and satisfied! The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that we often write a long list of things we want to change, eliminate or improve that it becomes so overwhelming we don’t do any of them! I don’t want that to happen to you in your love life.
I encourage you to do this exercise because your sexual pleasure is guaranteed to improve the quality of your life, and create memories that last a lifetime.
Hooking Up: What Are The Emotional Risks?
Have marriage, monogamy and longterm commitments really taken a back seat to casual sex?
“Hooking up,” “Friends with Benefits,” “Hit it and Quit it,” “Cuddle Buddies” – whatever you choose to call it – has become the focus of many Internet ‘dating’ sites, and has perhaps also become more socially acceptable, or even expected, if not glamorized in today’s society.
If this is the case, what are the implications for the emotional wellbeing of our dating population? Is the notion of ‘no strings attached’ – “NSA” – really the epitome of simplicity and sexual pleasure, or could it be a nightmare waiting to happen?
Frisky & Risky
Some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, some reports indicate that people are often left emotionally empty as well as physically and spiritually distressed. In addition, the emotional and distressed effects can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust.
Once someone has been a “Hook Up” for an extended period of time, they inevitably begin to crave more and emotions may become involved. It’s a natural progression of the emotional fidelity that develops when individuals continuously intermingle. This natural progression occurs when there is an exchange of physical energy along with the chemical hormones that are secreted from the brain every time people engage in sexual activities. These chemical hormones are responsible for “bonding” individuals together, which is why even long after we’ve stopped having sex with someone we still feel connected to them.
In fact, there are some serious consequences with a “no strings attached” sexual life that should be considered beforehand. Here are just a few;
- Risk for sexually transmitted infections including HIV
- Unintended pregnancies
- Potentially ruining friendships
- Settling for less than you want and/or deserve
- Loneliness
- Depression
- Lower to self-esteem
- Spiritual conflicts
- Inability to form healthier relationships
Right For Some People
On the other hand, engaging in sex with “NSA” can be just what the doctor ordered for some. The freedom of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life, and multiple partners without commitment can be a liberating way to explore sexual preferences, try on different sexual styles, and discover what you want and need sexually. It’s also a great way to discover and explore sexual fantasies without feeling fear, guilt or shame. “Hooking up” adds variety to a sex life, keeping things fresh and new. It’s an ideal arrangement for those who are more focused on work or other thing and do not have the desire to be in a committed relationship.
Rules For Hooking Up
Having a sexual relationship with no strings attached can be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and a breath-taking experience, but if you don’t understand or consent to the rules of engagement you might find yourself regretting the experience, or getting yourself into a very hectic situation. If you plan on having casual sex, you may consider some of the following tips before moving forward:
A Shared Understanding Is Essential
It’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the NSA arrangement. Each partner should have a clear understanding as well as mutual power and say in the situation.
Honesty & Communication Come First
Be upfront and direct regarding your intentions. Always communicate your expectations before getting into any relationship. Identify clear boundaries. If you find yourself developing feelings once you’re in the situation, communicate this to your partner as well. This will help to minimize confusion.
Find A Balance Between Physical Intimacy & Emotional Detachment
Remember this is just a casual arrangement. Expecting emotional intimacy is a sure way to set yourself up for heartache and disappointment.
Limit Time Together
This gets you into dangerous territory! When you start to spend more time together, someone will inevitably develop feelings. It also sends mixed messages and can create an uncomfortable situation.
Keep Your Feelings In Check
If you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, don’t convince yourself that he or she is feeling the same way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without reciprocation, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and either negotiate a change or end it all together.
Be Considerate
Don’t take advantage of the situation. If you suspect that your “Friend with Benefits” is developing feelings for you, do not lead them on. Initiate a discussion with them and/or end the situation immediately. Imagine how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
Practice Safe Sex
Never take for granted the importance of safer sex. Even though you think you know and/or you may not be having sex with anyone else, it’s still important to use condoms. Consider the fact that there’s no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with. Be responsible for your sexual health.
Re-evaluate Your Situation And/Or Agreement
To ensure everyone is on the same page, it is important to re-evaluate the arrangement from time to time. If at any time you decide that the situation is no longer in your best interest, there should be an understanding that either of you can walk away or end things at anytime.
Sex NSA is certainly not for everybody! However, should this be your choice, make sure that you approach it with consent and a thorough understanding of the rules of engagement. Whenever it comes to any type of sexual relationship, honesty and communication are essential. You must not only be honest with yourself but also honest with the person(s) in the situation with you.
If it’s a relationship you’re looking for, do not accept a sex NSA arrangement. Do not enter into a NSA agreement hoping to change your partners mind or trick them into a relationship. You will be the only one to end up being hurt and potentially ruining the friendship. If at any time during the sex NSA agreement you start to notice a change in behavior, it’s important that you address the change immediately. First, decide if you even want to continue the sex NSA then discuss if the original NSA agreement needs modification or if the best course for all is to walk away.
Chemicals In Some Sex Lubes Can Cause Bacterial Vaginosis
Oregon-based Good Clean Love has been working in conjunction with Johns Hopkins University on a study about baterial vaginosis, which has been found to unknowingly increase in women using lubricants with added petrochemicals, the same ones used to lube up a car’s engine.
The company has been producing organic, chemical free sex lubes for 11 years, but in recent years the women-owned company gained international attention because of the organic movement and the need for products that are safe. Recognizing this need for the millions of women who suffer from Bacterial Vaginosis due to petrochemicals that make them sick, Good Clean Love fills the hole, literally.
Check out their Almost Naked Organic Personal Lubricant and “Love Oils” that are made with Apricot Oil, Organic Jojoba Oil and pure essential oil blends. The Love Oils are vegan, edible, glycerin-free, and do not contain questionable, bacteria inducing chemicals. Available at www.goodcleanlove.com or Whole Foods.
