efore I start answering questions about the personal dilemmas and questions that I’ve received specifically for “Sex Talk With Taty,” let’s go ahead and dive into some of the most popular questions I’ve received from college students across the board. From navigating hookup culture to surviving the world of online dating and figuring out what pleases you sexually, cultivating a romantic life, and enhancing your sexual wellness journey while going through some of the best years for personal development is anything but simple. So, without further delay, here are the top five questions I get asked by college students about sex and dating:
- “Is finding a long-term relationship in college hopeless or are people only interested in hookups?”
College is a time of self-discovery and new experiences so it’s natural for people to get caught up in a life that they weren’t used to before, with being surrounded by new people daily and having more freedom to partake in sexual adventures.
With that said, I don’t believe that finding a long-term relationship in college is hopeless. In fact, a 2013 study via Facebook Data Sciences found that nearly 30 percent of married graduates attended the same college as their spouse. If anything, I wouldn’t suggest that college students are prioritizing hookups over relationships because long-term relationships are going out style per se; rather, young adults (not only in America, but across cultures as well) are noticing a trend of delayed adulthood.
Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, has commented on this, telling Healthline that our generation is taking a longer time to process adulthood in general including aspects such as “mating and reproduction, including dating, living with a partner, pregnancy, and birth. Adolescents in the 2010s were also less likely to drive, drink alcohol, go out without their parents, and work at paid jobs compared with adolescents in previous decades.”
2. “Is it normal to still be a virgin in college?”
Definitely! I’ll be the first to admit that when starting college as a freshman, I was a virgin and did not engage in vaginal sex until half-way through my junior year in college. There’s this largely held misconception that everyone in college is “doing it,” but in reality, there are a handful of people who have abstained from sex for numerous reasons from religious beliefs, personal choices, or simply not having interest.
Based on the responses of 24,000 students who participated in the Online College Social Life Survey, results indicated that 40 percent of underclassmen were virgins while 20 percent of college students graduated without ever having sex. Though, there is one caveat to these findings, as they imply the definition of virginity is solely based on a heterosexual context of penis-in-vagina sex. Ultimately, the population of college virgins may be bigger than reported because what constitutes someone as a “virgin” will vary depending on who is asked.
3. “How do I figure out what I like during oral (cunnilingus)?”
The best way to figure out what you like from oral is through exploration, patience, and an un-clouded mindset.
Step 1: When you’re by yourself, figure out what gets you turned on. Half the battle when it comes to oral sex is actually making sure your body and mind are truly in the mood for it. You could watch porn, read erotica, a sexually explicit movie on Netflix, or daydream about your celebrity crush.
Step 2: Touch everywhere on your body except for your vulva. This will help to get a better understanding of what kind of foreplay you’ll need when you’re receiving pleasure from someone else as opposed to yourself. You can lightly press against your breasts, caress your inner thigh by grazing your nails against your skin, or grab your butt. Regardless of how you decide to touch those areas, remember that when you’re with a partner, the more amount of foreplay they spend away from the vulva, the more intense it’ll feel for you when they finally get there.
Step 3: Touch your vulva and explore any method or technique you can think of. You can create movements with your fingers by rotating them on your clitoris, use the entire palm of your hand to rub against your vulva, or buy a vibrator if you’re stuck on what kind of pressure and stimulation you might want. I suggest clitoral sucking vibrators because they’re among the closest type of sex toys you’ll get to the feeling of cunnilingus.
Step 4: Have your partner replicate your techniques. They can either watch you masturbate to get a clear idea of what rhythms and motions they’ll need to enact or you can guide them as they are going down on you to limit confusion.
4. “How do I make my dating app profile look good enough to get more matches?”
With dating apps, first impressions are everything. From your pictures to your bio, these components are the only basis someone will have to make an inference on whether they think you have romantic potential.
Ideally, you’ll want to have a clear picture with good lighting as your first image, followed by a picture of you involving a hobby or work-related activity. Besides, statistics from Hinge say that people who use candid photos get 15 percent more likes than those who used posed photos, and those who mostly include bathroom selfies are liked 90 percent less.
Next, include a full-length photo. According to a study conducted by Carphone Warehouse, nearly 90 percent of male and female participants indicated that they want to see at least one photo showing off the full-length body.
As far as descriptions go, Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist and founder of Sex and Psychology, says: “The optimal ratio in your description is about 70% personal information to 30% of what you want to see in a partner.”
5. “How do I continue to have sex and date post-undergrad/in grad school while living with my parents?”
Many people, including myself at one point, have ended up moving back with their parents for a certain amount of time after they graduated with a bachelor’s degree. I must admit that living with parents as a young adult is different from living with them pre-college because there’s a stronger need for autonomy that wasn’t as crucial before, especially after getting used to being on your own for so long.
I personally advise setting boundaries. This can be approached with open and honest communication as a group of adults rather than a child having the sex talk with a parent. Let them know certain things ahead of time, like the fact that you may not always come home every night because you might be out with your partner. Also, don’t allow parents to meet every single person you go on a date with — especially if it’s not that serious. Try going on more dates outside of the house like going to a new restaurant neither one of you has been before instead inviting them over for dinner in your home.
However, dating people who have their own place may be ideal for privacy reasons. When you do bring your date in the house, don’t just sneak off to your room. Politely introduce them to your parents first to avoid an unpleasant reaction from them. Dating under your parents’ roof is much easier when you feel like all of you are on the same team rather you and your partner vs them.
To have more of your questions, inquiries, or troubles answered, ask me anonymously here.