Thief of Hearts: A Feminist Sexpert Film Review

What would happen if a stunning stranger came upon a diary just brimming with your hottest fantasies, then proceeded to make every one of them come vividly, thrillingly true? That’s the question posed by the film Thief of Hearts, a Feminist Sexpert favorite now available on BluRay.

The first and one of the few softcore romance films aimed and intended for a female audience, Thief of Hearts, a steamy suspensor starring the gorgeous Steven Bauer and the ethereal Barbara Williams, is the story of Mickey Davis, a talented interior designer and everyday married woman whose author husband is preoccupied with his career…to the point that his sweet, quiet wife feels driven to commit her wildest, most forbidden fantasies to the pages of her secret diaries.

When Mickey’s home is robbed by an improbably hawt burglar named Scott, who steals both a portrait of Mickey and her lust-ridden journals, the thief becomes fixated on both her and her forbidden thoughts. He fashions himself her fantasy man, dressing, speaking, and ultimately making love to her just as she desires; based on the knowledge that he has gleaned from her diaries, which speak of her innermost yearnings.

Gawd, this flick is hawt. The Feminist Sexpert first saw this movie as a teen and, despite getting her in tons of trouble with her dad, who was pretty much ready to book her in a long-term Air B&B otherwise known as a convent upon its discovery, this motion picture pretty much formed her future as an erotic author and sexpert.

Steven Bauer shines as the thief known as Scott Mueller, a gorgeous smooth talker who slowly, deliberately unravels Mickey’s inhibitions; treating her to the forbidden romance of a lifetime. Indie actress Williams is effervescent in her role as a refreshingly wholesome beauty with a brain, and a genuinely kind nature. Doing quite well in their supporting roles are the hilarious Christine Ebersole and George Wendt as the best friends of the Davises, and John Getz as Mickey’s actually pretty annoying husband Ray.

A sexy, melodic soundtrack from the legendary Melissa Manchster and others just screams ’80s (just imagine the chorus Thief of Heaaarrrtttts sung repeatedly over a synth and…well, yeah), but still entertains and sets the mood. And the scene in which a topless Bauer lathers his most impressive chest in creamy lotion, and for the pleasure of his lady, is one of the most scorching seductive scenes ever committed to film.

A verified flop at the time of its release, Thief of Hearts is reviled by critics; and, frankly, the Feminist Sexpert would have liked more love scenes and fewer uncomfortable glimpses into Scott’s double life as a criminal thief. The film seems conflicted in its dual purpose as a sultry crime thriller and a soft focus romance; even so, Thief of Hearts remains unprecedented as a softcore film which acknowledges the fact that (gasp!) women have hormones too! We have fantasies, needs and desires; and the man who seeks to fulfill our desires, just might steal our heart….


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