Diary Of A Unicorn – My Trip To A Sex Club Alone – Part 2

Read Part One here.

The Guy I Knew But Wasn’t Supposed To Know started to pound Miss Romania from behind and she commenced singing the Romanian national anthem. She had proclaimed that she didn’t like eating pussy, but was touching mine and I would occasionally fondle a boob, or Guy I Wasn’t Supposed To Know would fondle me and then there came a point where I was lying there like “Could I get some dick please?” because I certainly felt I’d earned it.

“You can fuck her,” she said in her Hungarian lilt, “Go on, fuck her…”

“No I just want to fuck you,” he said dutifully and while that was happening he leaned into my ear and murmured, “She’s testing me.”

So after a while, when it was clear that he wasn’t willing to risk her ire, I said “I’m going to have a cigarette” and left them there still doing their Slovakian folk dancing.

After sitting in the smoking area and chatting to some people (swingers are very friendly) I went back in the club and spotted a guy whom I would call the same type as my ex. Tall, skinny, dark hair, blue eyes, yes please. He was with a chippy* with terrible posture (she was cute but looked uncomfortable) and when I looked down and realized that she was wearing flat ballet slippers, like the kind you find at the drugstore for $6.99 that you can carry in your purse in case your heels are hurting you. That was my entrance…

“I see you also have comfortable shoes,” I ventured pointing to my Uggs, “I broke my toe, so…”

She giggled and I wondered what they were doing there. He was around my age, but she was a baby…

“Are you into girls?” I asked.

“Um…” she hedged.


“I’d really like to fuck your boyfriend, would that be okay with you?” I asked, in my trademark subtle style.

She giggled again, “We’re not really there yet…”

The guy gave me a pained look. He wanted to fuck. It was pitiful. Why not just put him on a leash with a collar and be done with it? For the rest of the night I would spot them; playing pool, getting drinks, dancing, and he would give me the same baleful look.


I decided that since there was no one else there I was really interested in, I would go home, right after I stopped by the smoking area one more time, and then… I saw them.

The couple was stunning. Not just hot, model hot. He had a rakish European vibe, and she was the epitome of the kind of girl I’m attracted to – strawberry blonde, young and gorgeous. I hadn’t slept with a girl like that since I was one.

We started chatting and the vibe was great. They weren’t models, but were “in fashion,” and it was only their second time at the club. She was into girls BUT HAD NEVER BEEN WITH ONE. Guess who was going to be her first?

In a stunning coincidence, it turned out that she was also of Eastern European heritage, and as a Serb could almost understand my Russian. What was it with these women and their kinks and their cheekbones? (I guess I should include myself in that.)

I gave them a tour of the club, and he kept getting more and more drinks. I was quite happy sober. We came into the playroom I had been in with the other couple, and the girl and I quickly undressed. Holy. Shit. Her body was RIDICULOUS. Small natural boobs, tiny waist, bubble butt… and before I knew it she was fully going down on me.

She had clearly given this a lot of thought. I couldn’t believe it was her first time, and I leaned back and tried to relax. For some reason I have a hard time relaxing when a girl is going down on me, with girls I prefer to be the “giver.” No trouble relaxing with a guy, but like the other couple, he wasn’t going anywhere near my pussy…

Not only that, but in order to make his girlfriend feel comfortable he was saying a lot of things like “Look at those tits. I love her tits,” or I’d give him head and he would say “Watch how she gives head, she’s the fucking best.” “Look at her pussy, it’s so perfect.” I was starting to feel like the ugly step-aunt, but I also understood that, like the other couple, this was a testing ground for them, and he was making sure that she was comfortable. So I put away my ego and wow…

I did all kinds of things to her while he fucked her, to follow the smorgasbord analogy, they more often than not involved her pu pu platter… she was WILD and I was having a great time. I also got to kiss his beautiful, Roman face (those lips, mama mia) and we did stuff to her together that was… inventive.

The last time she stuck her tongue in my open peach while I played with the pit, I had no trouble relaxing and had a huge orgasm. The club was closing in fifteen minutes, and it was once again clear I was not going to be penetrated by anything resembling a penis.

Oh. Well. I had gone there open to “whatever” and it was “whatever” I had gotten, and it had been wonderful. I completed my hedonistic streak by getting McDonalds on the way home. It was light when I finally got into bed with my toys, and let a combination of the Get You In The Mood Vibe, My Girlfriend and The Trucker do what the guys at the club wouldn’t…

Even with little sleep, I sailed through the next day with the kids on little more than caffeine and memories. I debriefed with Guy I Wasn’t Supposed To Know, and texted with Wild Serbian Goddess, and that was good, because I always like a check-in the day after sex. I may be a slut, but no one wants to feel like a whore…

Originally published on Malibumom.com.


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