Monday, May 20, 2019

Fitness Guru Ben Greenfield Shares His Penis Strength Secrets

Mastermind Talks 2014 in Toronto, Ontario. ©2014 Mark Adams

Bestselling author, global speaker and fitness guru Ben Greenfield takes on the PrivateGym this week in “How to Make Your Penis Stronger With A Private Gym,” an extremely informative and quite hilarious blog that chronicles his first four weeks of penis training with the male fitness program.

From the moment of picking up the discreet package in his mailbox, (“So much for 7-minute abs. I now have the promise of 7-minute gonads”) through all the penis lifts and pelvic floor contractions, I had to laugh out loud in several places at this honest and humble account of a man super-charging his penis.

I have to say my favorite part is when, at one point, Greenfield is losing his erection while exercising, and instead of turning to porn, he breaks out sexy pictures of his wife. You simply can’t help but root for his penis-strength journey after that! And in the end (spoiler alert) his wife actually notices the pelvic strength he’s developed, leaving him feeling confident and falling asleep with a smile.

I highly recommend reading this blog for a play-by-play on how the Private Gym training system really works. He gets into nitty gritty details that you can’t learn from reading the product box, and describes the experience in helpful ways.

Here at Sexpert, you can read another informative review of the PrivateGym by Dr. Don Etkes, and some great information from Urologist Dr. Andrew Siegel about erection rigidity, penis hydraulics and what to expect of erections as you age.

There’s still time to enter to win your own Private Gym in our June contest. ENTER NOW!

8 Myths About Sex & Aging

With the baby boomer generation reaching retirement, the United States is seeing more active adults than ever,   so understanding how aging impacts sexually and intimacy is crucial – and it’s not all negative! There are benefits and positive aspects of being sexually active while getting older too. Here are eight common myths about sexuality and aging, and the facts that prove them wrong.

Myth #1: Older people do not have sex

In an article by Loren Stein, M.A. called “Sex and Seniors” in 2015 it was stated that “among 45- to 59-year-olds with sexual partners, some 56 percent said they had sexual intercourse once a week or more. Among 60- to 70-year-olds with partners, 46 percent of men and 38 percent of women have sex at least once a week, as did 34 percent of those 70 or older. “ Therefore, the sexual drive doesn’t shut off, it just slows down a little with age. The idea that adults reach a certain age and just shut down sexually is completely false. Older age does lead to a reduced frequency of sexual behaviors but does not mean that there is a cessation of sexuality or sensual desire.

According to the research published by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in 2010, about half of adults ages 50-80 have engaged in sexual intercourse within the year that they were surveyed. Women over 50 years old engage in 5% less intercourse per year as they age and 7% less giving or receiving oral sex per year.   Men over 50 years old have a yearly decrease in both intercourse and oral sex by 8%. In a study done by Karraker, A., DeLamater, J., & Schwartz, C. R. (2011), they found that the reason for the decline in sexual behavior was not aging, but other life factors that happened with getting older.   Women showed a decreased frequency of sexual behavior when widowed, for example, and men showed a decrease of sexual behavior with the increase of health issues.

Myth #2: Aging adults cannot get pregnant

The general opinion from the medical community is that once a woman is post menopausal, she is unable to get pregnant, but the times and duration of menopause vary for many women, causing the post menopausal age to range. Due to advancements in fertility treatments, women can take medications that allow pregnancy to occur much later in life. The oldest women to give birth was 70 year old named Rajo Devi Lohan in India. Several women in their 60’s have given birth in the early 2000’s with the help of In Vitro Fertilization. While pregnancy is more difficult for an older women, it is not impossible. Women have lost about 90% of their eggs by the age of 40, leaving a very slim possibility for pregnancy, but while the eggs have an expiration date, the uterus does not. According to an interview with Dr. David Adamson with Medical Daily, “The bottom line is that the uterus can function just about until the death of the woman”. While the oldest mother to conceive naturally was 59, INF, or In Vitro Fertilization, is an option at all times. There are ethical concerns about becoming a mother at an older age such as maternal mortality rate, illness during aging, and overall ability to care for a child. The United States will not allow a child to be adopted to a women over 50 for those ethical reasons.

Myth #3: STI rates must be low in older adults

According to the Benjamin Rose Institute on Aging, the rate of Sexually Transmitted Infections in the over 50 population in the United States is growing at a faster pace then the population of people under 40.   There are many reasons for this rise in contracting STIs among this generation. First, the baby boomer generation is aging, creating a large population of people over 60. Second, new trends in medical advancements with performance enhancing drugs are causing an even higher rate of sexual intercourse with people as they age. Third, there is rising number of mid-life divorces. These newly single middle aged and older adults are now looking for dates online through websites, and even mobile apps. This quick method of connecting has caused more availability to date, more access to partners, and ultimately more sexual behavior. Lastly, these individuals may have less sex education than younger adults.   If they were in a marriage for the first part of their lives, they did not have partners other than their spouse at the start of the HIV/AIDS crisis. The use of barrier protection and other methods of contraception were far less widely used years ago. Therefore, if these newly divorced individuals are behaving in the same sexual way that they did when they were younger, they will be at a higher risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. Because older women have less concern about getting pregnant, they may not prioritize barrier methods to protect against infections.

Myth #4: Older women do not desire sex

Many people feel that as women age, specifically in a marriage, that they lose all sexual desire. This is not the case.   As mentioned, women, as well as men, have a slight decrease in the amount of sexual behavior as they age yearly after 50.   Women still have the ability to feel sexual and intimate desire throughout their entire life. As women reach menopause, their naturally produced estrogen decreases, causing less natural lubrication during intercourse. This is a common issue and many physicians prescribe estrogen creams to insert vaginally, or simply recommend an over the counter personal lubricant. While desire may decrease, desire also ebbs and flows. Many reasons that women report feeling less sexual with age has to do with cultural pressures, emotional issues within a relationship, self esteem, and medical problems.   The North American Menopausal Society states that desire is a combination of drive, beliefs, and motivation. While drive is biological and may be impacted by hormone change over time, beliefs and motivation are psychological and able to change based on perception. Women have a lot more control over their sexual desire while aging then previously though.

Myth #5: Older men have constant Erectile Dysfunction

Just as it may be a common assumption that women lose all sexual desire as they age, many believe that it is a natural occurrence for men to have erectile dysfunction as they age.   While more men experience erectile dysfunction at older ages as opposed to younger ages, it is not a natural part of aging. Only 5% of men under 40 experience erectile dysfunction, but 44% of men in their 60’s have experienced it.   According to research done at Harvard Medical School, the reason for this is that erectile dysfunction reflects the impact of the chronic diseases that are common with age.   The most important are atherosclerosis and hypertension, which affect blood vessels, and diabetes, which strikes both blood vessels and nerves. Medications that older men take can interfere with sexual function, including some that treat high blood pressure, heart disease, anxiety and depression. In addition to medical causes, about 30% of erectile dysfunction stems from a psychological cause. Aside from ED, there are other changes that do naturally occur with men’s erections as they age.   Their erections may not be as firm, and foreplay may need to be extended to allow longer time for a satisfying erection.

Myth #6: People over 50 don’t have casual sex

The divorce rate for people in the middle and later stages of their lives has increased with the aging of the baby boomer generation.   This new population of single adults in their 50’s through their 70’s has created a more sexual group of aging adults. 23% of men over fifty that are having sex report that their most recent sex partner was with a “friend or acquaintance”. Women over 50 report casual sex about 13% of the time.   There is also a growing number of adults over 50 that enjoy a relationship with a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Especially for much older adults, getting married, or remarried, may not be the goal. They report wanting to enjoy the intimacy and companionship, but without the need to create a family or other aspects that are typically the goals of younger adults. One reason why many people think that older adults do not age engage in casual sex is that it is a topic that people do not talk about. Terms such as “dirty old man” and “cougar” stigmatize and degrade the sexuality of sexual older adults.   Increased cultural dialogue about aging and sexuality will increase awareness and reduce stigma.

Myth #7: Urinary Incontinence causes older adults to have accidents during sex

Some older adults experience urinary incontinence which impacts sexuality.   This can cause feelings of shame or discomfort and get in the way of the possibilities of great sexual experiences. Women that struggle with incontinence experience coital incontinence 10% to 27% of the time. There are several reasons why urine may leak during a sexual encounter. Pressure on the abdomen can cause leakage of urine during sex. Other reasons include overactive bladder, weakened pelvic floor muscles, and complications of prostate issues, including prostate cancer. While women have reported loss of urine throughout the duration of the sexual encounter, older men have reported loss of urine during foreplay. A study by Guay, A., and Seftel, A. (2008) showed that 38% percent of older men that had no daytime incontinence had experienced a loss of urine during foreplay.   While this is an issue that can have an effect on aging adults, there are solutions to not let it hinder enjoyable sex.   One can prepare for sex by avoiding large amounts of fluids before being sexual and putting down a towel for a precaution.   Talking about it reduces feelings of shame and secrecy. An older couple can experiment with different positions that are less likely to put pressure on the bladder, such as rear entry and side by side positions. Women and men can be proactive about their pelvic floor muscles by practicing kegel exercises. If a man or a women uses catheters for incontinence, there are several options available to incorporate this during sex.   A catheter can be bent and taped to create room for intercourse.   Some couples find that eroticising the catheter use reduces shame and increases pleasure.

Myth #8: Sex is dangerous for older adults

Aging by itself does not cause a danger. The potential risks for older adults are when they have fallen out of shape or have developed a medical condition or disability, but this also does not make sex dangerous or impossible. Older adults that struggle with high-risk conditions should exercise precaution, just as they would with any other physical activity that they want to engage in. Because older women tend to suffer with lower bone density post menopause, it may not be advisable to engage in acrobatic sex.   Men with high blood pressure or heart conditions should exercise caution when having long duration or highly aerobic sex.   Older adults who have a disability can modify their practices and setting to support a healthy sex life such as having bed modifications or using sex aides and toys.   But the bottom line is that sex for older adults can be enjoyable and satisfying.



Orgy Turns Disabilities Into Abilities

Congratulations Stella Palikarova, a disability awareness consultant in Toronto for pioneering the first ever orgy entitled “The Deliciously Disabled” – a sex night for 125 disabled, sexually excited, and liberated people.

Let’s face it, swing clubs and brothels should be legalized for everyone worldwide, including the physically disabled. People with disabilities have the same feelings and need for love, intimacy and sexual gratification as anyone else. Dennis Hof’s world famous Bunny Ranch is proud to welcome people with all kinds of disabilities and has wheelchair access with special assistance by beautiful women who love to have sex for a living.

We are all sexual beings from the moment we are born to the moment we die and sex is a precious gift that we all deserve no matter what. This resonated for me when I interviewed Asta Philpot, a young, fun loving, productive, sexy, intelligent man who took some disabled men to Spain to lose their virginity in a brothel. I loved his film because it was about truth without any judgment.

Asta was born with arthrogryposis, which left him immobile below his neck. He has feeling in his body, but is unable to move any part. However, he has no limitations when it comes to sex.

Asta had sex for the first time in a licensed Spanish brothel with his families blessing and it has made him even happier, more fulfilled than before.  Check out his short compelling video above with yours truly as well as Reverend Michael Beckwith founder of the Agape International Spiritual Center in Los Angeles.

This year’s sex orgy will take place on August 14 at the same time Toronto is hosting the Parapan Am Games. TORONTO 2015 will be the fifth edition of the Parapan Am Games and will feature 1,500 athletes from 28 countries competing in 15 sports. All sports will be Paralympic qualifiers for the Rio 2016 Paralympic Games. Sports for athletes with a disability have existed for more than 100 years.

If you are interested in learning more about how to turn disabilities into abilities, especially in the bedroom, you’re in luck because I have created an online course that will educate and inspire you.

Female Viagra Empowers Women To Take Charge of Their Sex Life

Sex is our second basic instinct after survival, so we have the right to demand equality to medical treatment options!

It’s time for women to take charge of their sexuality, even if it’s by taking the ‘little pink pill’ Flibanserin, also known as ‘Female Viagra,’ along with her partner who takes the ‘little blue pill.’ A thrilling sensation for him and her to make sex more satisfying!

Sprout Pharmaceuticals is trying to get this drug approved by the FDA and featuring women who are vocal about their desire to have a choice in this matter. After all, countless women suffer from anxiety and depression due to many sexual dysfunctions.

In my private practice I have counseled such women who have lost ‘that loving feeling’ and come to me to figure out why, and how they can get their sexy back. As the author of NeuroLoveology, The Power to Mindful Love and Sex,  I am fascinated by the way this pill works between a woman’s ears, before it works between her legs.

Far different from Viagra, which increases blood flow to the genitals, the ‘female Viagra’ affects the brain, specifically the message-carrying chemicals dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine. This kind of “neuro-sexology” research is very exciting as researchers continue to do clinical trials before it can hit the shelves.

Since the FDA has approved over 20 sexual dysfunction medical treatments for men and none for women, I’m happy that a marketing genius came up with the campaign called ‘Even the Score’ which is sponsored by Sprout and other advocates of the drug to get the same attention on female sexual health.

Just like the male Viagra, there are side effect warnings that include sleepiness, low blood pressure, and dizzy spells. If released in its current form, the pill would also come with a warning to not be used with alcohol until medical experts know how it would affect the mind and body while tipsy or intoxicated. But risks aside, I can’t resist imagining how this ‘wonder drug’ could improve the sex lives of millions of women who suffer from various sexual dysfunctions I’ve witnessed over the years, such as:

  1. Women with low libido
  2. Women with after childbirth
  3. Women with hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)
  4. Women who are anorgasmic
  5. Women with vaginitis
  6. Women with biochemical imbalances
  7. Women with hormonal imbalances
  8. Women with insufficient lubricant
  9. Women with inhibited sexual arousal
  10. Women with low blood flow to the sexual organs

With increased sexual desire, women are far more likely to take responsibility for their orgasms, and feel more powerful and confident. If Flibanserin can safely deliver this feeling, how is it any different from an anti-depressant?

Meanwhile, there are non-prescription options to help women increase their sexual satisfaction, most notably Zestra, a topical blend of botanical oils and extracts. After applying Zestra to the clitoris and labia, the effects works within minutes by heightening sensitivity to touch for deeper pleasurable sensations, arousal and sexual fulfillment. And you can get a Trial 2-Pack on their website at

Alternatively, there is a an exciting sexual health device that is a pelvic floor muscle stimulator with clitoral and G-spot vibrator that promotes vaginal tightening and intense pleasure. The name says it all; Intensity and it’s available here.

Viagra has definitely changed the game for men, with a variety of results. Will female Viagra do the same for women?

Penis Hydraulics – What You Don’t Know About Your Erection


Humans are hardwired for two basic functions: survival and reproduction. Nature’s forces have made the reproductive process a pleasurable one, and by so doing have ensured the greatest likelihood of reproduction being successful. What a clever bait and switch scheme! In the seeming pursuit of a feel-good activity—determined by this evolutionary sleight of hand—we have been hoodwinked into reproducing!

The goal of reproduction is fusion of DNA from two individuals to perpetuate the species. The penis functions as a “pistol” to penetrate the female’s reproductive tract and inject DNA. A flaccid penis is unable to complete this task.

Many mammals—including the gorilla and chimpanzee—have a bone in the penis (the baculum), which functions to keep the penis hard enough for vaginal penetration and injection of the DNA. (There is also a bone in the clitoris called the os clitoridis.) However, the human penis is boneless (as is the human clitoris). While we can debate whether or not this is a good thing, it certainly helps to keep the penis concealed!

Creating a “Bone” Where One Doesn’t Exist

How did nature overcome this challenging design problem: creating bone-like rigidity in a boneless organ?

The answer is hydraulics—using blood as a hydraulic mechanism—not the typical use of blood, which is for the transportation of oxygen, carbon dioxide, hormones, nutrients, and waste products to and from our organs. This use of blood as a hydraulic mechanism for erections—both penile erections in men and clitoral erections in women—is nothing short of brilliant…our bodies having evolved to use blood the way a tire uses air, to inflate deflated organs to allow them to function!

An example of an animal that uses hydraulics is the jumping spider, which uses blood forced into the legs to straighten them out to facilitate powerful jumps, avoiding the need for muscular legs that are bulky and clearly not spider-like.

Erection hydraulics requires a special means of regulating flow. To do so, the inflow needs to turn on like a gushing faucet and the outflow needs to shut off like a plugged drain in a sink. This is not the usual state of affairs for blood flow to an organ, which typically requires a relatively small amount of inflow to meet basic metabolic needs and an equal amount of outflow, creating a dynamic state of equilibrium. An erection demands that the arteries of the penis function as high-pressure faucets (inflow increasing many times over baseline) and the penile veins to close off completely.

So how has our body evolved this capacity?

The penis is a marvel of design and engineering, capable of increasing its blood flow by a factor of 40-50 times over baseline! This surge happens within seconds and is accomplished by relaxation of the smooth muscle within the arteries supplying the erection chambers and within the sinuses of the erectile chambers. This is not the case of non-genital organs, in which blood flow can be increased upon demand (for example, to our muscles when exercising), but not anywhere to this extent.

Now for a little deviation off course for some interesting trivia:

  1. The spongy sinus tissue in the erectile chambers is virtually identical to the spongy sinus tissue in our facial sinuses. (My pathologist friend claims that he can’t tell the difference under a microscope.)
  2. When this spongy tissue in the penis or clitoris becomes congested with blood, an erection occurs; when it happens in ours facial sinuses it is known as sinus congestion or a stuffed nose.
  3. The spongy tissue in the erectile chambers is surrounded by connective tissue known as the tunica albuginea, the second toughest connective tissue in our bodies, the toughest being the dura mater that surrounds our brains and spinal cords.
  4. A side effect of the ED meds like Viagra is nasal congestion…now you understand why.
  5. Prolonged erections (priapism) are often treated with the same medications used to treat a stuffed nose, e.g., phenylephrine.
The Important Role of the Pelvic Muscles

So, under the right circumstances the penis becomes swollen (tumescent) with blood. How has our body evolved the capacity to trap the blood so it does not return to the circulation? How does the penis go from swollen to rock-hard rigid?

First, as the sinuses within the erectile chambers fill with blood, they pinch off the veins, which traps blood in the penis. Second, nature—in its typical brilliant way—has designed a means of increasing the blood pressure in the erectile chambers to sky-high levels by means of a “muscular tourniquet” that not only chokes off the exit of blood, but with each squeeze causes a surge of blood with increased filling of the erectile chambers, the end result being bone-like rigidity.

What are the names of these specialized muscles and what muscle group are they part of?

These are the ischiocavernosus and bulbocavernosus muscles (man’s best friends) that are part of the group of muscles known as the pelvic floor muscles, which form the floor of the important group of muscles known as the “core” muscles. When a man has a rigid erection and he voluntarily contracts these muscles, the erection will lift up and point majestically towards the heavens, thank you pelvic floor muscles. It is no wonder that in the classic Gray’s Anatomy textbook in 1909 referred to the ischiocavernosus muscle as the “erector penis muscle!”

Chlamydia Outbreak At High School With No Sex Ed

Crane High School in Crane, Texas has students running to the doctor with cries of “OMG, it burns down there!”

But according to the student handbook, the school has no sex education. “Currently, Crane ISD does not offer a curriculum in human sexuality,” the handbook says. It also says that if it ever does, parents can opt out. The handbook also states that “state law requires more attention must be spent on abstinence than other behavior.” Like that’s going to work.

Chlamydia is curable with antibiotics, but if left untreated can cause damage to the reproductive system.Using condoms cuts down the risk considerably, but students were not taught how or why to use them.

Crane, Texas has a population of about 4,000, and Crane County and the City of Crane were named for William Carey Crane, founder of Baylor University.  Baylor, a conservative Christian Baptist University, preaches on their website that the “temptations of the flesh should be avoided,” instead of teaching students to use condoms that would work so much better than blind faith.

Erotic Hypnosis – Yes, You CAN Try This at Home!

Imagine coming home from stressful day at work and settling into a comfortable chair. You turn off your cell phone. Your partner brings you a glass of water and invites you to close your eyes and breathe deeply. As you drop deeper into your breath, you begin to relax, allowing yourself to go deeper. Your mind opens to the soothing words you hear from your partner: loving words of appreciation, support, and encouragement. Your imagination opens to receive positive suggestions for your self-esteem and happiness. After five minutes, you open your eyes and smile at your partner – alert and refreshed. You feel confident in your emotional bond, and now happily to return the favor. You feel so close.

Later, at night, you have a desire to be intimate, but your partner seems tired or on edge. You ask your partner to close his or her eyes, and begin to breathe through the perineum (also known as the location of the oh-so-sexy root chakra). As your partner breathes and relaxes, and draws vibrant, vital energy through the perineum and up into the spine and the rest of the body, you notice that he or she is becoming aroused. You offer suggestions that your partner will feel vital, alive, and fully charged with erotic energy and desire. Soon, you no longer have to give verbal “suggestions” – you both find yourself fully aroused and engaged in the hottest sex you’ve had in weeks.

These are just two types of simple erotic techniques that can be used to bring your body and your mind – and that of your lover – into erotic alignment. A burgeoning group of amateur, erotic hypnotists are using hypnosis to increase the intensity and variety of sensations, to have powerful fantasy experiences, and even to create and experience hypnotic orgasms. And much more!

Super-charge your love life by combining simple hypnosis with erotic stories and film plots, love poems, tantra techniques, and various forms of kinky play. Take turns playing the role of the hypnotist or the hypnotized subject, or even engage in mutual hypnosis! If you’re on your own, add self-hypnosis to an evening of self-pleasure and feel how easy it is to have even more fun than usual.

Click here for Erotic Hypnosis Safety & Consent tips.

How Colors Reveal Your Sexual Style

Did you know the color someone wears may reflect his or her sexual preferences? That’s right, the color of your clothes is actually giving people clues to your sexual personality. Find your favorite color in this article below, and see if the associated sexual patterns represent you.


Red is energizing and exciting, a call to action for lovers who like to initiate and engage fully. It connotes confidence and passion, and can produce feelings of craving, whether for food or sex. Red lovers are easily aroused and once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish. Natural explorers, red lovers can also be impulsive and not too concerned with detail, so make sure your sex is safe and consensual!


Dressed all in black? You might prefer kinky sex. Black connotes mystery and hidden charms, but also hidden agendas. Many lovers of black clothes are masochistic or sadistic in nature and love the dynamic of serious power play in the bedroom. When you put on a pair of black leather pants or boots, don’t you automatically feel wilder? Black can be perceived as powerful and unfriendly, but it also exudes sophistication and elegance, often the choice for high society events. It creates a barrier between ourselves and the world around us which allows us to protect our secrets.


Gray connotes a lack of emotion. Unable to commit to the mystery of black or the illumination of white, people who prefer gray aren’t quite sure what they get excited about. It’s a solid and stable color that promotes logic and reason instead of passion. Men who wear gray might look at sex as a way of relieving tension, and women might be focused on having sex to procreate or accommodate their partner. While gray can be formal and elegant, it’s not glamorous or attention-seeking in any way. Conservative and self-sufficient, a gray wearer may find themselves lonely from shutting down their emotions when it comes to new relationships.


Affectionate and exuding inner peace, people who love blue make wonderful sex partners, sensitive to their partner’s needs, and invested in making love into a fine art.  With honestly, trust and loyalty as defining qualities, blue lovers are ‘givers’ who like to build strong relationships and bask in the glory of a successful union. Not quick to judge or change, they may need to think things over at first (like a new sexual request or fantasy), but when they commit, they go all the way with a passion that goes much deeper than lust.


Combining the passion of red with the purity of white, pink is all about unconditional love, romance and intimate caring. Pink can alleviate anger, aggression and resentment, but beware that it also connotes naivete and inexperience, which is why paired with a stronger color like black, it becomes subversive and twice as sexy. Pink lovers embrace sensuality and are likely to spend time indulging their bodies with massage or baths, inviting you to join them on their journey of self-love and nurturing. Sex can be wild, but it’s always fulfilling, as pink lovers won’t rest until each partner is satisfied.


Orange is cheerful and enthusiastic, emphasizing the intuition and ‘gut feelings’ we all possess. Highly adventurous and extroverted, wearers of orange not only lean toward sexual fantasies, but making those fantasies come true! While impulsive and risk-taking, orange also connotes great communication and positive spirit. You can count on someone who loves the color orange to engage with you in conversation and steer it into spirited new directions, right up until you’re undressing each other. Expect an assertive, intuitive lover who values foreplay as much as sex, and could venture into ‘naughty’ behavior if the instinct is there.


Yellow is creative and independent, the choice for people who communicate well and love to indulge new and exciting ideas, like new sexual positions, sexual fantasies or sex outdoors. Complications often come along with yellow, whether it’s the need for an additional sexual partner, or another ‘appetite’ demanding attention. Satisfying the yellow personality involves a lot of spontaneity (think quickies!) and coming up with new relationship patterns so things never get dull.


Lovers of purple or violet have the energetic qualities of red combined with the trusting stamina of blue, making them giving lovers with a strong charismatic pull. Highly sensitive and compassionate, they indulge bodily desires frequently and with great variation of intensity – expect a lover who can enjoy a quickie just as much as a big production. Spiritual people often lost in the world of imagination, purple lovers are also great candidates for sexual fantasy and role play, getting caught up in everything from the sexy story to the details of the costumes. Remember their need to stand out in a crowd, and be rewarded for their individuality.


Green wearers balance the mental clarity of yellow and the emotional depth of blue. They know the type of partner they’re looking for, and are willing to commit fully when they find it. They love to observe, finding voyeuristic fantasies extremely erotic, sometimes even in groups, as green-lovers are also known to be excellent hosts who value prosperity and abundance. Greens are not action-oriented and do not like to take risks, but their sexual generosity is unparallelled when they feel safe and loved, and their relationship loyalty is rock solid.


Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Down-to-earth and extremely loyal, browns may be fearful of losing ‘control’ during sex which can be overcome with intensely intimate foreplay that ensures there is all the time and privacy in the world for emotions to blossom. You can’t say, “I love you” often enough to a lover of brown. Security and loyalty are paramount, with a strong desire to build relationships toward a larger goal of family or permanent partnership.


White is pure and cleansing, connoting youth and innocence, and in turn, an innocent or sometimes dismissive view of sexuality.  White lovers crave simplicity, which can either manifest as an uncomplicated casual relationship or the reliable routine of marriage. With a tendency for fanatical perfection, whites can sometimes be prudish, not wanting any of their physical ‘flaws’ to be seen in the light. They would rather hide any imperfections and present a ‘perfect’ exterior. It may be a challenge to openly communicate sexual needs and desires.

Chemicals In Some Sex Lubes Can Cause Bacterial Vaginosis


Oregon-based Good Clean Love has been working in conjunction with Johns Hopkins University on a study about baterial vaginosis, which has been found to unknowingly increase in women using lubricants with added petrochemicals, the same ones used to lube up a car’s engine.
The company has been producing organic, chemical free sex lubes for 11 years, but in recent years the women-owned company gained international attention because of the organic movement and the need for products that are safe. Recognizing this need for the millions of women who suffer from Bacterial Vaginosis  due to petrochemicals that make them sick, Good Clean Love fills the hole, literally.
Check out their Almost Naked Organic Personal Lubricant and “Love Oils” that are made with Apricot Oil, Organic Jojoba Oil and pure essential oil blends. The Love Oils are vegan, edible, glycerin-free, and do not contain questionable, bacteria inducing chemicals. Available at or Whole Foods.


Creating Your Own 50 Shades Sexperience

With the movie Fifty Shades of Grey becoming a global phenomenon (earning over 400 million globally in ticket sales in the first two weeks), it is very likely that many couples will be heading home to create their own “Red Room” of pain or pleasure (if they don’t end up in handcuffs before ever leaving the theater itself, that is). So, while you may be tempted to masturbate at the movies during some of the hot, sexy scenes, or worse!, I encourage you to create your own fifty shades of grey experience in a safe, sane and consensual fashion.

50 Shades movie pic

Your Contract

In the film, Christian and Anastasia negotiate the terms of their contract, which will not include any activities than are non-consensual, and she defines her list of limits (activities she will not do). Before you create your own “Red Room,” you and your lover (or play partner) should have a talk about what activities you will try out and which ones are off limits (don’t go there). This is super important before taking part in any type of kinky play (or sex for that matter), so partners can stay within the boundaries of that agreement and construct a safe space to play within, both physically and emotionally. This safe environment allows both parties to better immerse themselves more deeply into the play, knowing their limits are already defined and that they have a secure space to explore their fantasies together. Please note: exploring fantasies in a safe, negotiated, consensual environment is much different than a real life. Many people have fantasies about being bound, whipped, raped and dominated, but in real life No means NO!

While it is not necessary to have a written contract, a BDSM Checklist can inspire you to add different elements to your play you may not have thought about, as well as learn about activities you may want to avoid. Here is the actual contract from 50 Shades that you can print out and share. Here is a BDSM checklist similar to one that I have used in the past.

Also noted in the books and used in BDSM play is the use of a safe word or words. The word “Yellow” is used during a play scene to bring attention to the dominant/top that the submissive/bottom is close to their limit of endurance, or that the dominant needs to slow down, stop or change the activity. “Yellow” could also indicate the need for a break, or water, or that the submissive is getting dizzy, overwhelmed, etc…, so this is when the dominant checks in the with sub to see what’s going on. Of course, the dominant (or giver) should be constantly checking in with the submissive (receiver) during an entire scene by paying attention to their body language and making sure they are okay verbally. “Red” means stop activity immediately and completely, and usually indicates that the submissive has met their limits. A smart and empathetic dominant will hopefully never make their partner use the “Red” word, as they are constantly paying attention to their partner’s needs. It is not cool to push limits, unless this is previously negotiated. The reason safe words are used in BDSM play is because a submissive may say “No!” during a scene, or “stop!” when in actuality they want their partner to continue, as they are playing a role. They know that this is a fantasy and that their partner will not really hurt them. This is how a BDSM fantasy differs than real life when No does mean No!

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The Scene

The atmosphere you create for a scene can be very important, allowing both partners to get into the roles better. There are lots of ways to create a seductive (or intimidating) Red Room scene by using music, lighting, fabric, props, tools and attire. In 50 Shades they used a lot of red, black and brown: red walls, dark furniture, dark colored play toys and lots of leather. You can easily create a sense of this by draping the walls with red fabric, hanging toys from chains, and spreading red “pleather” over the bed. Using candles can go a long way to create atmosphere as well, but just be careful not to turn your play space into a red fiery blaze. I personally like the metal sconces you can get from dollar stores that have flickering lights that look like candle light. Much safer when your mind is elsewhere.

For bondage furniture you can DIY your own make-shift pervertables like a spanking bench made out of a padded chair or an old saw horse wrapped in leather. There are designs online for creating a Saint Andrew’s Cross or other dungeon furniture if you are handy with tools. Then again, you can purchase sex toy furniture rather cheaply that can be used in a pinch like over-the-door restraints, or bedroom bondage kits.

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Play Toys

There are several types of play toys that Christian uses on Anastasia during the movie. Remember it takes time learning how to use new tools, so be careful and try to learn various techniques before you start playing on an actual living body. There are lots of sources for learning including DVDs, books and local play groups which hold Kink Aware demos and workshops.

Bondage Toys—In the movie, Christian uses various types of bondage equipment to tie Ana up with. There is the infamous grey tie he uses to wrap around her wrists, along with bondage rope and leather hand cuffs.

Safety Bondage Tips
  • Always have safety scissors on hand in case of an emergency.
  • Learn as much as you can about a bondage technique before trying it. Read, watch, practice and if possible get an experienced mentor to show you the ropes. If you can’t go to a workshop, buy some good bondage books or DVDs to learn the ropes.
  • Learn where the basic pulse points are located on the wrists, upper-inner thigh and throat and avoid crossing these with direct pressure from the ropes.
  • Ropes should fit snugly, but not too tight so as to avoid serious injury from loss of blood supply to the bound part. You should be able to slip one to two fingers under the ropes.
  • Avoid metal hand cuffs if you are a novice as they can chafe, and don’t secure too snugly which will cut of circulation. Plus, you wouldn’t want to be one of the enthusiasts who lost their key and had to call the paramedics to un-cuff them.
  • Never bind rope around the front of someone’s throat.
  • Never leave someone bound alone. Skin should be constantly observed for numbness, coldness, and discoloration, as circulation decreases.
  • Test new bondage techniques for 10 to 15 minutes before trying longer time limits.
  • Avoid placing pressure on the Brachial Plexus nerve which runs along the back near the scapula (shoulder blade).

Blindfolds are awesome sensory tools that can be used to limit your partner’s vision which in turn fires up their other senses. Suddenly, every noise, touch, or whispered breathe becomes charged with eroticism when your other senses are enhanced and aroused.

Sensation Play

Sensation play toys include anything that can create a different, often sensual, sensation on your play partner. There is a sexy scene in the movie where Christian uses ice between his lips to run down Ana’s body. Other sensation play toys include feathers < >, silk or satin (for a soft touch), or vampire gloves and pin wheels (for a prickly touch).

Crops and Floggers

Crops and floggers are otherwise called percussion toys. Crops are very firm, thin and can deliver quite a nasty sting, so should be used with caution. They are excellent when used for positioning your sub and correcting posture, or quick light smacks. Floggers are usually made of leather or suede and have several fronds hanging from a handle. They can be used as a deep massaging type of percussion play tool on the back, the butt, between the thighs, stomach and chest. They can be wielded a bit harder than a crop with less pain, as they provide a thuddy, broader impact.

Those are only a few of the types of BDSM toys you can use for sexy kinky consensual play. There are also kits available such as Dr. Ava’s How to Couples BDSM Kit which has an instructional DVD by Dr. Ava Cadell, so perfect for beginners with lots of juicy tips. For experienced players who like a kit that can do everything and is travel friendly, there is Ms. Ming’s awesome Pocket Dungeon Kit. And, of course, there are all the Official Fifty Shades of Grey products endorsed by E.L. James herself.

So, now that you have the tools to create your own Red Room of pain and pleasure, don’t forget to play consensually. I don’t want to read anymore about idiots blaming Fifty Shades of Grey for their own ignorance or using it as an excuse to assault someone else. Ending up in hand cuffs is much more enjoyable as a fantasy place scene, than it is in real life.