How to Tell Your Partner What You Love in Bed

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Communication Skills for Better (Wild!) Sex, Just the Way You Want It!

This headline, How to Tell Your Partner What You Love in Bed, sounds like a really “Duh” statement, but it’s something that I haven’t  asserted for myself much in the past.

A lot of that had been my own fault. I never spoke up. In some cases I was just happy to get laid or I was afraid of offending someone whose techniques or enthusiasm were lacking. Before, during and not long after my 12-year marriage, I honestly didn’t know what could be done or how awesome I could feel.

But sex should be spectacular. Great sex usually something that just happens. It should be an event whether you’re with someone for the first time or have been with someone for a number of years. It requires great communication skills as well as a wild sex drive or mastery of technical skills.

Telling Your Partner What You Love in Bed

If your partner is doing something and it’s not quite setting off bells and whistles, speak up. Guide him or her with your hand or just be verbally direct. Don’t be afraid to be direct by saying things like, “A little more rougher/gentle,” and follow up with, “Up/down a little bit … Faster/slower … Oh, yeah! That’s it! … More!” Praise and encouragement go a long way and your partner will come away with the thrill of knowing they did something really well. Nothing feeds the ego like the feeling of being a sex god or goddess.

When Your Partner Asks You What You Love in Bed

If you have a partner who asks what you like in bed, lucky you! Not everyone has a partner who takes pride in pleasing their sex mate. But don’t blow the opportunity by being too general with your answer (i.e. “I like oral sex.”). Be specific. If there’s a particular technique that sends you over the edge, tell your partner what it is and tell him or her how you like to have it done.

If you’re going to be with a partner for the first time, be prepared for the question. If the question doesn’t come up, don’t hesitate to offer the answer. You are entitled to great sex. It’s not a selfish thing to get what you want.

What if You Don’t Know What You Love in Bed

This situation is very common for people who are getting back into the dating and mating scene and had been with a lackluster lover or a lover with a limited repertoire. Trying new things is fun, especially if they work out right. If trying something new isn’t cutting it, just move onto something else and don’t dwell on it. Not every technique or position out there is going to work or be a super-wow situation for everyone.

What if Your Partner Absolutely Refuses to Do Something You Love in Bed

There will always be times and people that refuse to do or try something you love in bed. Be direct in telling your partner why you a particular technique or position and get your partner to tell you why they don’t like doing something you like in bed. Sometimes people have had one bad experience with your idea, preference or suggestion. Sometimes it’s fear of doing or trying the unknown. You and your partner won’t know unless you talk about it. Depending on the feedback you get from each other, what you like might be something your partner might eventually be willing to try or think about. If what you like is an absolute no or a hard limit for your partner, it’s up for you to decide if this is something you can live without or if it’s a better to move on to a partner whose sexual interests are more in line with yours.

Getting what you love in bed isn’t selfish or unreasonable. It’s a rightful entitlement and ultimately makes sex more enjoyable for both you and your partner

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Bobby Morgan was a prolific and dedicated sex blogger, sexuality advocate and beditor-in-chief at A Good Woman's Dirty Mind (2012-2015), as well as creator of #AdultSexEdMonth (2013-2015). She was well loved and know by the sex-positive educator's community. She died suddenlt in 2015 at the age of 52, leaving a large body of work behind her. Before she died, she made me an Admin of her FB page, and gave me permission to syndicate her articles. So much of her writing still resonates today, so I am making her work available via Sexpert to share with a larger audience. "[My blog] was built on the inspiration of the love affair of a lifetime between me and my lover, Parrot... If only we could teach, bottle, sell or share our secrets of our great sex, romance and relationship, more people would be happier and more fulfilled. Like the way Parrot and I talk with each other, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is open, frank, and nakedly explicit in the way it talks about sex and relationships... In short, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is all about real sex — and really great sex at that — for real people." Website:


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