Fun, Safe & Enjoyable Anal Sex

For as much as we hear about the joys of anal sex, especially for heterosexual couples, it’s something that’s still pretty much unchartered territory for most people. It’s only been in the past few years that a lot of straight men have wanted to explore the pleasures of anal sex. For women, researchers of the National Survey of Family Growth found that out of 10,463 women between the ages of 18 and 82, only 36.3% of them have tried anal sex and only 13.2% of them have had anal sex in the past 12 months.

Porn has played a big role in sexually curious and adventurous couples wanting to try out anal sex. A friend of mine who manages a sex toy shop in my neighborhood says that the biggest growth in his store’s sales has been in anal sex toys. He also says that he and his staff spend a lot of time managing customer’s expectations and providing a lot of anal sex education.


A lot of people prefer to do an enema before they have anal sex for obvious reasons. It’s all about cleanliness and anal (and sometimes vaginal) stimulation can bring on the need to defecate. If you’re going to do an enema, do it several hours before you plan to have anal sex. It may take people that long to fully expel any water and by-products that gets shot up into and come out the lower gastrointestinal tract.

Recommended reading: Easy 3 Step Process for Keeping Your Backdoor Clean

Ease Into It – And Make It Slippery!

Before you get into penetrative anal sex with a penis or a dildo for the first time, start with some anal play with your finger or a small anal plug and start off slow. If you’re using an anal plug, use made from a non-porous material like glass, silicone or metal, which don’t absorb and entrap unhealthy bacteria and viruses. They can be easily sanitized in boiling water before and after use. Make sure that your anal plug has a flanged end so that it doesn’t get lodged in your or your partner’s butt.

Recommended reading: Bootilicious Anal Toys For Beginners

Chances are that you may not want to graduate a bigger butt plug or dildo. The greatest feel-good sensations of anal sex comes from the first few inches of the anal opening, There are tons of nerve endings that are packed under the surface of the skin and tissue. And there’s no need to go ramming in fast and hard. Slow and easy strokes can be delightfully orgasmic-inducing for both men and women.

When using a finger, butt plug or prostate massager, always use a quality anal lube. I mean ALWAYS and use lots of it. The anus has no lubrication and friction can be painful. Anal sex should never be painful.

Before you stick anything in the butt, massage around the whole anal area by using a mixture of circles around and firm strokes across the anus, starting lightly and slowly building up the pressure. This is about stimulating the area around the anus and help you or your relax and get used to how it feels.

A word of warning about anal lubes: do not use a desensitizing lube. You want to be fully aware of the sensations you feel, especially if you start to hurt. And why would you want to numb enjoyable sensations?

Flavored anal desensitizing lubes are a double no. If you’re curious about analingus, why would you want to numb your partner’s anus and taste buds? It’s the stupidest pleasure product on the market, yet people buy it. Doesn’t make sense, does it?

Not so fast

When and if you decide to move onto penile penetrative anal sex, use a condom. You can contract or introduce an STI in the rectum. Plus, it’s an easy way to stay clean. Never use the same condom (or sex toy) if you’re moving from anal to vaginal sex.

Recommended reading: A Straight Guy’s Guide to Anal Play

Going slow not only feels good, but unlike the vagina that’s designed to accept a penis, the anus needs coaxing. It doesn’t naturally expand and widen like a vagina does when it’s aroused. Plus, it’s a much smaller opening that’s not naturally designed for things to go in. If you’re too fast and rough, rips and tears can occur easily in an unbroken virgin ass, which can lead to pain, infections and an increased risk of transmitting STIs and STDs.

Interested in an anal dildo? Start with one that has ½ inch diameter and made from a non-porous material like the ones suggested for butt plugs. Like butt plugs, make sure your anal dildo has a flared base to it doesn’t get stuck in your ass. Some anal dildos come with a suction cup base so you can attach it to a wall.

If you plan on using an anal dildo with a strap-on harness, make sure it has a round base that will fit snugly in the attachment on the harness. Most sex toy shops will let you try out a dildo on a harness to make sure it’s a secure fit and easy to take on and off before you buy it.

Finding the P-Spot

Men, regardless of their sexual orientation, get to have double the fun when it comes to anal play. Use a finger or a prostate massager to give your prostate and extra nudge to get those love juices flowing and squirting and to bring on powerful orgasms.

The prostate is located about two inches below the rectum toward the scrotum. After inserting a finger (or two, if you’re feeling comfortable), you should feel a chestnut-sized ball. Move your finger or a prostate massager in a “come hither” motion toward the navel to stimulate the prostate to the point of orgasm.

Finding the prostate is relatively easy. It swells when aroused. Like inserting a penis in a vagina, you don’t want to start poking around until a guy’s shaft is hard.

This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind. The article has been updated with new content and sources.

Photo by Dainis Graveris


You might also like: Sexpert’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex!

Sexpert’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex

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Bobby Morgan was a prolific and dedicated sex blogger, sexuality advocate and beditor-in-chief at A Good Woman's Dirty Mind (2012-2015), as well as creator of #AdultSexEdMonth (2013-2015). She was well loved and know by the sex-positive educator's community. She died suddenlt in 2015 at the age of 52, leaving a large body of work behind her. Before she died, she made me an Admin of her FB page, and gave me permission to syndicate her articles. So much of her writing still resonates today, so I am making her work available via Sexpert to share with a larger audience. "[My blog] was built on the inspiration of the love affair of a lifetime between me and my lover, Parrot... If only we could teach, bottle, sell or share our secrets of our great sex, romance and relationship, more people would be happier and more fulfilled. Like the way Parrot and I talk with each other, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is open, frank, and nakedly explicit in the way it talks about sex and relationships... In short, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is all about real sex — and really great sex at that — for real people." Website:


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