Anal Sex: 10 Tips to Truly Enjoying Back Door Play

Have you tried Anal Sex?

For many women, anal sex remains an unfamiliar or uncomfortable experience. There are many factors that can add to this ambivalence and avoidance (we’ve all heard horror stories!). Ruling out the rear seems to be the safe bet… but that seems to be changing.

Peach, the Forbidden Fruit…

Because of this, the peach has become forbidden fruit to most straight men (but let’s be honest, we all appreciate a nice ass). Anal sex porn searches have increased 120% in the US and 78% worldwide between 2009-2015, according to Pornhub Insights.[1] And ass worship has undoubtedly gained in popularity since.

Why the increase in interest?

Partially inspired by fitness trends, twerkin’ and famous big booties we all know and love, like Kim Kardashian’s, it seems this newfound interest in ass is not one sided. A study done in 2010 found that 46% of women questioned had participated in anal sex, compared to 33% in 1992.[2]

Lube Up!

So at least half of all women are possibly missing out on a potentially pleasurable experience. Although that’s just my opinion and they are like assholes… you get it. Everyone has one.

Why are we so uptight about anal sex, and how can we change that?

Here are ten tips to help take the pain out of initiating anal with your partner tonight:

1. Educate Yourself.

Inform your partner of your Expectations and Desires. Communicating and discussing your and your partner’s wishes prior to play will increase likelihood of a positive experience, every time. Dr Ava Cadell’s Back Door Play course at is an excellent resource for couple’s to learn and in and outs of anal sex.

2. Fools Rush In!

Be sure to take your time and do not rush the anal sex experience. External stimulation, erotic massage, and oral sex are all great precursors to anal, but due to the nature of ass play are often best done prior to avoid awkward pauses for clean up in between. So take your time taking care of business before you take the booty.

3. To Douche or not to Douche?

I think the general fear of excrement (and grossing out your partner) has always been the number one hesitancy regarding anal sex regardless of gender. I learned from my gay male friends that with douching, you can feel more confident approaching the situation sans poop. Enemas, douches and general soaping up of the booty can be done alone in no time or with your partner for added intimacy if you’re into that.

4. Lube, Baby, Lube.

I cannot stress this enough; using a high quality lubricant will take your sexual experience from tear-ifying to tear-rific (that double pun hurt me, too, but not as much as not using lube will hurt you). Use good quality, organic products down there to avoid infections or allergic reactions, and don’t use in excess! Start with a small dollop and work your way up as needed. From my experience, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing in this circumstance.

5. Butt Plugs for the People.

Not only are they super pretty and come in endless styles, butt plugs are very useful in assisting in relaxing, stretching and playing prior to full anal penetration. A sparkly or shiny plug takes away from the “dirty” perceptions of the anus by accessorizing. My personal favorite is a plug with a tail attached for pulling, tugging and holding down.

6. Spank Me!

Flogging, slapping, whipping, are all external ways to ease into back door play – using a variety of external stimuli keeps your partner’s anticipation high – and eagerness to please even higher. Maybe restraints would help them get in the mood? Find out what your partner is comfortable with regarding any BDSM activity to best cater to their pleasure and always be consensual and safe.

7. Eat it Up.

If you’re both down to go down, orally stimulating your partner’s ass will definitely assist in relaxing and lubricating before attempting penetration. Flavored lubricants or coconut oil work well here. Don’t be afraid to lick, nibble and bite the meaty parts. As usual, start slowly and increase intensity until they’re face down, ass up (’cause that’s the way we like to f*ck). Ass eating is definitely the most offered sexual favor on Tinder currently, so make sure your seat is clean (that one works both ways).

8. Practice Anal Etiquette.

Like all forms of sexual activity, anal comes with risks. Make sure you have lots of condoms, gloves and wipes on hand to help keep your butt-play hygienic and safe for both parties. Though it can be easy to forget in the heat of the moment, always change condoms between anal and vaginal penetration, wash hands, sex toys and genitals after anal stimulation to prevent dangerous bacterial infections.

9. Keep Checking In.

Something that may have been okay at first can quickly become uncomfortable when venturing into anal territory. Regularly checking with your partner’s comfort and pleasure is key! This reinforces trust and establishes safe sexual boundaries. And increases likelihood of more backdoor excursions in the future, if you’re both so inclined.

10. Have Fun!

There is so much pleasure and fun to be found in exploring new erogenous zones with your partner. Remember not to take it too seriously and roll with any fumbles you may encounter together! Sex is not about replicating pornography or performing but finding a genuine physical connection with your partner. What works for others may not work for you, but there’s only one way to find out. 😉


Ultimately, ass play is more than worth the small steps one must take to ensure safety, enjoyment and pleasure. From ass worship to whipping with 9-tails, you will find what works best for you if you venture out into new waters. If you want to see how you feel about anal, I personally recommend masturbating with a butt plug, or a small dildo and trying out the above tips before attempting anal intercourse with another person. This may help you discover your own angles and preferences so communication is as smooth as your well lubricated insertion.

Written from the perspective of a cisgender, bisexual woman.



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