BDSM sex toys for domination and submission. Whip with handcuffs and bandage for on red silk background
You may have asked yourself this a time or two. What is the difference between a Kink and a Fetish? At its face a fetish is defined as a form of sexual desire of which an item, part of the body, item of clothing, etc. is involved in the play somehow to give increased pleasure that may or may not cause a release. If the object is not used however, the person is likely to release anyway. A Fetish on the other hand is when that object, item of clothing or body part is a necessity to have orgasm. Meaning if they don’t see, feel, hear, touch, or smell the object, they will not be able to release.
Currently the words fetish and kink are used one and the same. Any act that falls outside the “mainstream” norms. A great example is bondage. While the term may overlap, they are drastically different. A fetish is more of a psychological need while kink is more of a preference. The important thing to remember is, all fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. It is very individualized and are more widely accepted. Before playing you need to have the consent and safety conversation with your mate{s} about what it is that you are and are not willing to do or experience. This is imperative to keep the scene from turning traumatic.
It might include BDSM, roleplaying or impact play such as spanking and whipping. You might enjoy flogging or nipple claps. All you must do is speak up for yourself and ask for what is going to give you pleasure. Dominatrix and Submissive are apart of the BDSM scene. One doe not become a servant over night and a Dom does not become a Dom overnight. There are schools such as The BDSM Training Academy that can teach you how to excel and become an excellent player, there are also retreats and meet ups where you can learn techniques and skills needed to play safe, provide orgasm and have fun with the experience.
I savagely stand by my heart and mind that fetishes that include harming kids, animals, blood etc. are not forms of play but acts of traumatic distress. You are not on the same level if you enjoy the smell of an orange or to caress a breast while releasing. If you want to be spanked until your cherry red, this is your prerogative but there is a difference between abuse, kink, and fetish. You need to make sure you know where that line is and that you never cross it. Create a safe word or action (in case your mouth is tied) that your partner will understand to mean stop. Some Sexual Behavior experts do agree that fetishes can come from seeing inappropriate sexual behavior in early childhood or from abuse. These fetishes develop in the early life and grow as an individual progresses through life.
Most kinks and fetishes are not a disorder by definition. It all depends on the level of intense lasting distress. You need to adopt the belief that if pleasure is the end goal, it is OK. If you are forcing them to take part in any activity, this is not and will never be OK. You or someone you know should seek professional help if the behavior becomes compulsive, desperate and/or distressed to the level of becoming suicidal.
Of course, some fetishes are harmless. “Adult baby diaper lovers” is a practice by 1,800 men and 140 women according to a recent study. Most of the subjects reported they were “comfortable” with their fetish and saw no problem in practice it. This can be said for individuals who enjoy bondage, discipline or BDSM. If everyone agrees, the chances are no one is getting hurt in a way that is extreme or permanent and everyone. Know that people can fetishize almost anything. Studies show that body parts such as feet, body features such as obesity, piercings, tattoos and splooshing are some of the top activities. When the fixation is on one body part, this is known as partialism. This involves one body part that is isolated and sexually charged or objectified. Body fluid, body size and hair fetishes are some of the other things that people fetishize. Sometimes clothes worn on the hips and legs such as stockings and skirts are at the top of the list for some. Some like to dress in furry animal costumes or have their partners do it.
Gushing. Squirting. Female ejaculation. Whatever you call it, I’m baffled by why there’s so little information there is about it, and the information I have found ranges from doubtful to misinformed (see Wikipedia) to downright crazy (it’s ancient?).
Personally, I’ve only gushed a relative handful of times, and only with my current lover.
This past weekend, it happened three times in the same session. All we could think was, “Wow!”
Having gushed like that and only having gushed with him, I didn’t know anyone I could ask besides him how common it is. He said it’s only happened with two other women, and that one of them could do it on demand. (I really didn’t want to hear that exact detail, but I did ask.)
Female Ejaculation – How Does It Happen?
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I wish I could say how and why it happens to me. I really can’t. I can’t will it to happen emotionally or physically like I can when I orgasm. I can’t feel a specific buildup like I do when I come, although it does come at times of extremely intense arousal and when my lover is making contact with my G-spot with his fingers or his cock. A gush of hot, watery, clear fluid just blasts out of me and thoroughly drenches him, me and the sheets. I’m not talking about a tiny spot; I’m talking about both of us having to sleep on a pretty large section of the bed that’s soaked well through the sheets and the mattress pad. After it happens, by no means am I mentally or physically drained after I gush.
The Female Ejaculation Whisperer?
I came across one video by a man who purported to be able to teach men how to make their women gush. I’d say he has the technique down, but as a gusher, I can’t say it’s a surefire way. It doesn’t always happen according to his directions, even when our lovemaking is scorching-the-sheets hot.
Female Ejaculation Studies
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What blows my mind most is that physicians and other scientists know little about female ejaculation. According to Dr. Laura Berman, “Since 2000, an increasing number of researchers have suggested the liquid may come from the Skene’s glands, which are located on the anterior wall of the vagina around the lower end of the urethra. But the truth is we simply don’t know where ejaculate comes from …”
Excuse me … “We simply don’t know where ejaculate comes from”??? Hell, it sounds as if the medical community isn’t even sure if Skene’s glands exist. The lack of findings and credible explanations I have come across is simply mind-blowing … almost as mind-blowing as gushing three times in less than a half hour … almost as mind-blowing as how I could gush that much and that often yet not gush for months, if not years at a time.
What kind of answer could I expect from my gynecologist? In this day and age, is the female anatomy still that much of a mystery?
At the same time, having gushed the way I did was quite an extraordinary experience for both of us … as was the all the fun that led up to it.
Have you ever thought about planning your orgasm? Well, you go about life planning everything else, so why not?
As humans, we put so much effort into planning; the route we will take to the office, the clothes we will wear, our breakfast, lunch & supper, our bath time, and our choice of recreational activity. All this planning is demonstrated as self-care for oneself. Rightfully, self-care is important and does need planning or will never be prioritized.
Intimate Relationships Require Planning
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Intimate relationships take planning too. Planning helps you to thrive and lack of planning can only result in failure. The benefit of planning for your intimate relationship has benefits that will boost your relationship to unimaginable levels. How, you may ask?
An orgasm is when the body experiences a rise in the intensity of sexual arousal, which peaks for a few seconds and then lowers to a normal level. Studies suggest many biological benefits of an orgasm. Including a healthier immune system and reduction of stress. During the peak, the brain releases a cocktail of neurochemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These are happy hormones, and the benefits are immense as listed hereunder:
Oxytocin is referred to as the love hormone or cuddling drug, as levels increase during orgasm and cuddling. Increased feelings of love, bonding, and well-being are experienced.
Serotonin Improves mood, social behavior, appetite, sleep, memory, and sexual desire.
Dopamine is the ultimate motivator, regulating sensations of pain and pleasure.
It cannot be stressed upon more the need to have a healthy, sexually fulfilling relationship with the natural benefits oozing through yourself naturally. This is where you take control with your partner, knowing that no one else can make that change except you. You may feel overwhelmed by reading this and wonder where you start.
Just like you plan all other activities, bring sex onto the planning platform. Start small with some of the below-listed ideas and expand. Most importantly, attitude and consistency will make the difference. There is no need to be perfect at it. Having the right intent is what makes the difference.
Sit together in silence or watch a movie holding hands
Date night and sex thereafter
Shower together or a luxurious bubble bath
Game night with sex toys or without – all dependent on the comfort level of both individuals
Weekend in bed
Activity that you both enjoy
As humans, if we want something, we go after it. Once we have what we want, complacency sets in and we tend to take each other for granted. We journey into a mode where the relationship is not granted any planning. Instead, just happens as and when there are time and desire.
Have you and your partner discussed how you make each other feel? Perhaps it is a good time to plan a conversation around this.
Both of you may have fantasies about what you like to experience with each other; however, you both hold back and do not talk about it as there never is an opportunity.
Let us face it, when you in the middle of lovemaking, one can move their partner gently into a change of position. However, if you would like to experience something more, it does take planning. For example, you cannot pause the sexual activity and whip out the ropes to experience some bondage if this has not been communicated with your partner.
Communication is essential to planning:
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I want – what you want to get you to the level of excitement you require to orgasm
I will – what you will do comfortably. If you are not comfortable in doing these, you will ensure you have terms to how far you will go.
I won’t – a definite no to you currently. You could change your mind at a later stage.
The above is a healthy way to set boundaries with clear expectations which have been defined because of the discussion. It leaves no grey area and if there is an agreement, with caution, you will set safewords during the discussion to ensure there is no violation during sexual activity.
In the intensity of the moment, it is difficult to set boundaries; however, having done so upfront has planted the seed on how far one can go. At all times, it is important to respect boundaries and not be forceful. It can become a gradual journey taken together as comfort levels and trust increases.
It will certainly feel unnatural at the beginning of this process until you and your partner get into the habit of planning and discussing your intimate lives. It will deepen the bond in the relationship and build trust.
You will remove the masks and start communicating openly about what you want to experience and explore with each other. Vulnerability will become the new sexy on this adventure together.
Experiment Explore & Learn Together!
Life is short. Make it wild, crazy, sexy & exciting for each other.
Let’s talk about an orgasm brought on by vaginal stimulation with fingers. This can result in intense and/or multiple orgasm, and for some, ejaculation. The best method to please a vulva born individual is to experiment with finger manipulation. Up to 75% of vulva owners state that they do not orgasm from penetration alone. This means, that figuring out how to use your fingers to provide a mind-blowing vaginal orgasm is a must.
Fingering the G-spot
The best part about fingering though, is the direct contact made with the G-spot. Which by the way is not a “spot” or “button”, it’s an area at the top frontal wall of the vagina. This area happens to rest between the clitoral legs (inside the vagina) and is super sensitive. It is only 2-3 inches deep, which means that your penetration needs to be very shallow.
If you are masturbating and feel the pleasures of stimulating the Gspot but are not achieving ejaculation, you may be a little too far inside and are missing the spot entirely. Manual stimulation directly on this area will increase your chances of ejaculating.
Different Types of Finger Stimulation or Fingering:
The benefits of using your fingers is that you can curl them. There are three very popular finger movements that can bring on the thunder.
Image by Demie Hadji from Pixabay
The Two-Fingered Salute: Keeping your pointer and middle finger together and keeping them flat, use the padding of the finger tips to stroke with. Move forward and backward and side to side over the area. Use light to medium pressure depending on the person.
Come Hither: When your mate gets really aroused and is displaying all the signs of needing more stimulation switch to the second finger movement; the “come hither”. Curl your fingers toward you as if you are telling someone to come to you. Do so with a little more pressure and work your speed up with your mates breathing and body movements. Do not stop what you are doing until they orgasm, which may include ejaculate.
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Spidey Fingers: What are spidey (or spiderman) fingers? This is the act of positioning your hand to look like spiderman when he is shooting his webs. The two middle fingers go into the vagina, with the two end fingers sticking out. The thumb can also be used to stimulate the clitoris in this position.
How to Finger the Vagina
So, insert your lubed fingers into the vagina slow and carefully. Many individuals cannot have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation so be sure to include that once you have them fully aroused. Also be mindful that some folks find that clit stimulation is too intense. If this is the case, lick and suck over the clitoral hood to create a “buffer” from direct stimulation. You can use your thumb or your mouth to tease and maneuver the clit. Once your fingers are in, explore. Stroke the sides of the wall. The roof and the deep spot are very sensitive.
What is the Deep Spot?
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Deep inside the vagina is an area know as the A spot (anterior fornix) which you can stroke with your fingers to bring about an orgasm. This can be an intense, all over body orgasm if one allows themselves to relax into the sensations. Right below the Aspot you can find the cervix. It is firm to the touch so be careful not to jam it. However, some vulva owners enjoying having their cervix stimulated. Be sure to use lots of lube for cervical play.
The last area I want to mention is the deep spot. I like to call it the cul-de-sac because you can only go so far with your fingers. That area that is as far and deep in the vagina that you can go to bring on an orgasm. It is also known to cause ejaculate as well.
Manipulating the cul-de-sac should be with medium pressure that you can increase as you press down deeper. You are also manipulating the anal wall from the inside, which increases pleasure. It is not a position where you will be able to do the come-hither motion. Bouncing is more appropriate (stroke up and down quickly), staying close to the back wall for the full effect. Again, don’t stop until the orgasm is over.
Many Types of Fingering Orgasms
The cool thing about fingering is that you have a lot of control over what sort of orgasm you can provide. If you want a more intimate, love making experience, do it slow and steady. The intensity of your finger motion should be determined by the receiver. Never behave aggressive unless asked to do so. Be intentional with where you place your fingers and how much pressure you use when touching the vagina. Be sure to keep your knuckles as flat as possible so that you are not bruising the soft tissue of the vulva.
Body Language Baby
Let’s say you are with someone who is not too verbal in expressing their needs, recognizing some common body language can guide you both to their orgasm.
Image by Saulius Rozanas from Pixabay
Any sort of flinching means; stop whatever you are doing. Don’t think it will fix itself on the next stroke, stop, readjust and then move forward. However, if a person scoots closer to you, causing your fingers to go deeper, arches their back, moans/groans, or squirms they want you to continue whatever it is that your doing or even increase the intensity. Now is a great time to play with the amount of pressure you use. Try different speeds and depths. Talk to your mate and find out what works best for them and then sit back and watch the fireworks.
#Keepitsexy #Yourresponsibleforyourownorgasm
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Hello! My name is Debra Shade. Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert. I specialize in orgasms. As an orgasm coach, I help individuals and couples to overcome barriers to their best sexual experience. It’s fulfilling work. I also travel the US presenting or teaching at expos, seminars, conferences and festivals. I am excited to have this opportunity to write about something that I absolutely love, my new column: Orgasm Tips by D Shade. I want you to know that there are many methods to an orgasm. Having a few in your toolbox will be very beneficial to you and your mate(s). I want to use my column to give you tips, advice and facts about orgasms that will help you achieve your best sexual experience.
You know the feeling… butterflies, waves of pleasure, toes curling, involuntary noises and a racing heart? All these things are happening during orgasms. But have you ever thought, what is happening with your body? What is the brain doing? What role is anatomy playing? While there has been a history of research in human sexuality, studying orgasms is new. It was not until 1953 that a female orgasm was recognized. Before that, it was believed that woman received no pleasure from sex, and it was meant to be pleasurable for the male. We have used magnetic resonance imaging to determine what the brain does during orgasms. Based on a set of determinates, the test showed that the logical part of the brain shuts down during sex.
Multiple spatially remote brain regions are involved in the sexual response cycle. The hypothalamus, thalamus, substantia nigra, sensory cortex and motor areas go into overdrive during the big ‘O’. This allows the body to react to touch, fantasies, and sexual memories. The hypothalamus is producing oxytocin, which is the snuggle, feel good hormone increasing arousal thus pleasure. Another hormone the brain releases is a surge of dopamine. The purpose of dopamine is to allow for feelings of pleasure, desire, and motivation in the prefrontal cortex. Prolactin is also released at orgasm. It is the overall feeling of satisfaction that comes with the orgasm and not for nothing, it also produces milk. This is mainly because of the increase of blood flow and release of hormones. Serotonin is released after an orgasm. This hormone promotes a good mood and relaxation maybe even a little sleepy.
Basically, the brain before, during and after orgasm is the same as the reactions of doing drugs or listening to your favorite song. The brain does not tell the difference between sex and other pleasurable experiences like eating ice cream at 9pm. It also sends off chemicals that can lessen pain. That’s right, orgasm can cure a headache. The pituitary gland releases endorphins, oxytocin and vasopressin which promote pain reduction, bonding and intimacy.
If you think the brain is busy, check out what your anatomy is doing in the process. The internal organs composing the sexual anatomy of the male include the epididymis, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, prostate gland, Cowper’s glands, and urethra. The most prominent part of a male’s sexual anatomy is his penis. The penis has three primary functions: Initiating orgasm and transporting semen and urine from the body. It is made of the base, shaft, and glans. The base and shaft are where the erectile tissue and muscles are. In addition, there is the scrotum and the testicles. The scrotum is the sac of wrinkled skin behind and below the penis that contain the testicles. For vulvas owner, the process is more complex. This makes orgasm depend upon development in the womb. It’s called the CUV Complex. It stands for Clitoral-Urethra-Vagina with the cervix and perineal sponge. The vulva is the most obvious part of the clitoris. There is the clitoral hood which is either attached to the inner lips or not attached at all. There is the shaft that is located near the pubic bone.
The pelvis bone is V-shaped, and the clitoral legs run down them. If you press against your pubic bone and move upward, you will be able to activate these legs. Hence why grinding feels so good. The vestibular bulbs connect to the clitoral legs swell with arousal and can cause the outer lips to swell. The bulbs are known as the Skene’s Gland which are connected to the urethral sponge and holds the fluid that is ejaculated. The urethral opening is a part of the inner lips that sit below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.
Often, we see the cervix as something used in pregnancy, however it holds a pleasurable punch for some as well. It is essentially the opening to the uterus, but you don’t want to enter it. Simply touching the cervix activates the pelvic nerve that sends pleasurable signals in the uterus, cervix, and upper vagina. This can result in deeper cervical orgasms. The P-spot and is located between the vagina and the rectum. When engorged with arousal and massaged you can experience an orgasm. The Bartholin’s glands cause the vagina to lubricate. Lubrication is crucial when penetrating. The brain and body are going through a lot all at once before, during and after an orgasm. Knowing this information can help you create your best experiences.
Want to learn the 6 Tantra Secrets to Bliss-gasms & Ecstatic Sex? Of course you do!
Well read on. You’re welcome! 😉
Tantra goes all the way back to the ancient language of Sanskrit which is originally from India and offers sensual and enlightening terminology. Tantra is an ancient yoga-like tradition originating in India that trains one in the ways of weaving and transforming sexual energy into altered states and awakening to enlightenment, thus carrying sexuality to unfathomable heights and depths.
The beginnings of Tantra goes back as far as 1500 BC; its writings concentrated on philosophical issues and ritualistic teachings such as the well known Kama Sutra, a sexual manual from the 14th century. The term “sanskrit” is derived from “samskrta” which means “adorned, cultivated, perfected”. Sanskrit has been maintained as the literary language of the priestly, learned and cultivated castes of India.
The 6 Tantra Secrets or Elements
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There are 6 Tantra Secrets or elements of Tantra that are used to create an orgasmic dance. These include: Breath, Intention, Attention, Sound, Movement and Muscle Locks.
“Achieving Tantric Bliss (gasms) through the six elements of Tantra will take your relationship to a whole new physical, emotional, and spiritual level.”
Here’s an opportunity for you to enjoy the quest for enlightenment together and become one with the Universe through mutual orgasms!
1. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Breath
There are 6 elements (or Tantra secrets) in Tantra, beginning with the power of breath.
Breath regulates and relaxes the body so that it can heal. Breath can lower blood pressure. Breathing into the area of dysfunction can increase blood circulation. Breath elevates the immune and refreshes the lymphatic system. Breath is the essence of life and there is no better way to energize the body than to increase your intake of oxygen.
Our lungs can hold 6 pints of oxygen, but most people only inhale 2 pints or less. In Tantra the word Prana means energy. Breathing is about energizing your mind, body and soul. Breathing in through the mouth produces an energy charge and breathing out of the mouth releases emotions. When a person cries, they have to breathe through their mouth.
When you are sexually excited your breathing increases so if you want to delay your climax, you must slow down your normal breathing pattern. Breathing in unison with your partner can create a deeper form of unity. Synchronized breathing with your lover gives you the opportunity to connect on a conscious level, a respiratory level and breath to breath level resulting in a harmonious bonding experience.
In the following interactive breath exercises, you will learn how to control your breath and how to synchronize it with your lover so that you can make lovemaking last longer. You will find that you can connect on a deeper level of consciousness and experience harmonious bonding through breath. Breathing together is an essential element to experiencing Tantric bliss.
Tantra Breath Exercises
Breath can add variety to your lovemaking by blowing your cool breath (with pursed lips) up and down your lover’s spine, on the inside of the thighs, along the crack in the buttocks, on wet testicles and on the vulva lips.
Alternatively, warm breath (with mouth open) can be deliciously arousing. For Hot Breath, choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your hot breath through your open mouth for 2 minutes as you caress your lover.
For Synchronized Breathing, face each other and hold hands. Breathe in and out through your mouth at the same time for 2 minutes.
To practice Kissing Breath, hold each other, close your eyes, and share the same breath through deep kissing for 2 minutes.
2. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Intention
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Where intention goes, energy flows. And without intention there can be no follow through. Intention is about enjoying the journey as much as the destination, to relax the mind and body reducing your stress hormones in the process.
Verbalize: Verbalize your intention for yourself to your partner. Let him/her know what your short term and long term intentions are for your pleasure and the relationship itself. Then put your hand on their heart chakra and tell them how you propose to have a deeper heart connection with them. As you do this, maintain eye contact.
Write it Down: You can also write down your intentions and give them to your partner so they can remind you of your intentions when you are not keeping them. Share your relationship mission statement with your partner and include where you want to see your relationship in the next 12 months.
Exchange Wishes: Make a wish list of 3 things that will heighten your relationship and exchange the list. Take action steps to make at least one of your partner’s wishes come true each week!
Share 3 strengths in your relationship. Then tell your lover 1 weakness and how you intend to turn it into strength.
3. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Attention
Attention is the follow through to Intention. Attention is being 100% present for your partner.
Finish this sentence, “I want you to pay more attention to my…” Then show your lover how you want them to pay more attention to that part of your body.
Eye Gazing Technique
The eyes are the mirrors of your soul. Look into your partner’s soul for a deeper heart connection. Create emotional support so you can create trust, soothe nerves and enhance relaxation. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
Decide who will be the receiver and who will be the giver. The giver asks permission to look into his/her eyes by saying, “May I come in?” The receiver replies, “Yes” and allows the giver to look deeply into his/her soul. The receiver must open up the door and allow his/her partner to look inside and see the real you. Then the receiver becomes the giver. Discuss what you saw and how it felt when looking into each other’s soul.
4. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Sound
Sound is like an inner massage; cells in your body respond to vibrations and release energy. Sound vibration heals the body, mind, and spirit.
Music and words have power to decrease pain. Laughter helps blood vessels expand in order to increase blood flow.
You can breakthrough inhibitions by releasing sounds and words. Sound releases energy and during lovemaking sounds release sexual energy and allows the orgasmic energy to flow through you for a full body orgasm. If you hold back the sounds you feel inside, it will manifest in resentment, anger and eventually pain. So for your own good health (and orgasms!), give yourself permission to express yourself through words and sounds and sigh, cry, shout or laugh when you need to, especially during sex!
When it comes to making love, sounds let your partner know that you are having a great time. Encourage your lover through words of praise, exhale sounds of ecstasy when you feel them and let the sounds of sex express your lovemaking.
Entraining Exercise
Entraining is when two people make the same sounds at the same time. For example, start by humming with your partner and emulate each other, then make up your own melody and let your partner follow. Feel how much of your body resonates. The deeper the humming, the more vibration your body will feel.
5. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Movement
Lack of movement can leave your body feeling tight and stiff. It also restricts energy flow and can block your emotions. Even when you visualize part of your body moving, you are creating physiological sensations. How amazing is that?
Take turns receiving loving caresses and kisses from your active partner. When you are really truly giving you are also receiving the feeling.
To experience the full enjoyment of Tantric lovemaking, the male (Yang) and female (Yin) forces must be balanced in harmony. Yin and yang corresponds to the divine feminine and masculine spiritual life force energies in everyone, not male or female gender specifically.
For example, deep kissing and tender kissing is a perfect combination of yin and yang. Let’s face it, if you only kissed your lover tenderly, it would become boring, predictable, and lack excitement. On the other hand if you only kissed your lover deeply, you would probably have sore lips and get bored with that, too.
Tantric kissing is when you face your lover and moisten each other’s eyebrows, then lean into each other with brows touching. Feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness and kiss gently at first as you slowly build up to adding more pressure.
The Power of Touch
Rub your hands together and feel the warm energy as you slowly bring them apart. Put your hands against your partners hand and feel their heat. The energy of touch promotes blood flow, boosts the immune system, nurtures and arouses so don’t forget to incorporate different kinds of touch with your lover including:
A Healing Touch like a scalp rub
A Romantic Touch like a hug
A Seductive Touch like a kiss
An Intimate Touch like a sensual massage is an excellent way to fuse your energies
A Sexual Touch like oral sex
An Erotic Touch like finding the G-spot or the Prostate gland
And finally, an Orgasmic Touch by having sex in one of your favorite sexual positions.
The “Yab-Yum” is an ancient Sanskrit term which defines the classical, heart-to-heart position of Tantric lovemaking. In this position, both partners are seated upright, with the woman on top of the man (cowgirl style). The main consideration is that the spine must be relatively straight so that the spinal energy of the Kundalini (sexual force) can travel unimpeded and a cosmic circuit can be created between lovers.
When a couple comes into union consciously, they move their energy simultaneously. The Yab-Yum position draws the partners into an “auric egg” or circle on eternal union. The Auric Egg is an energy field created by a man and woman in the Yab-Yum position of lovemaking, in which both partners are sitting upright and creating a circle of energy that flows evenly up and down their spines.
Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Muscle Locks
Bandhas are muscle locks used to cleanse and energize the body and organs.
A common type of bandha in Tantra are kegels, which restore muscle tone, as well as increase length of orgasm, and separates orgasm from ejaculation in men.
The pubecocous muscle (Pubo- Cock -ssih- Gee-ous) or PC muscle is the support muscle for the genitals in both men and women. There is a correlation between good tone in the PC muscle and orgasmic intensity and control. Squeezing and releasing the PC muscle during kegels using repetition helps increase blood flow to the genitals, increases awareness of feelings in the genitals, restores genital muscle tone and control over orgasm, strengthens the penis, while increasing duration and orgasmic pleasure during the sexual experience.
To identify the PC muscle you urinate then stop the flow of urine mid-flow. Women can also insert their finger inside the vagina to feel the inside walls as they contract and relax. Look at your genitals in a mirror and watch them contracting.
Simultaneous Orgasms
Achieving simultaneous orgasms with your partner is like doing the Tango. It’s a sensual dance made for two people working together, communicating with their bodies and responding to each other’s movements.
The PC muscle control raises a woman’s libido, makes her wetter and more turned on, while at the same time, teaches men how to last longer before orgasm (or ejaculation).
The male and female sex organs in Tantra are called lingam (penis) which means “wand of light” and the yoni (vulva and vagina) which translates to “sacred space”.
The Goddess Spot is an area of female genitalia is better known as the G-Spot which was named after Ernest Grafenberg who first clinically identified it in the early 1950s. It is the fleshy area in the vaginal wall, right behind the pubic bone and between the opening of the urethra and the cervix. It swells when stimulated, and creates a heightened energy response in women. In some women, female ejaculation may happen, or Amrita – which means “nectar of the Gods”. It is the female ejaculatory fluid that flows from the urethra of some women during orgasm. Some people believe this fluid to have mystical powers; ancient tribes used it to make healing balms and aphrodisiacs.
The Million Dollar Point is the hollow point in the perineum (between the anus and the scrotum) that, when pressed firmly, will block the outward flow of the seminal fluids. It is said that when this technique is used properly, the man will “feel like a million dollars”. Pressing into this area with the pads of your fingertips also stimulates the male prostate glans and can result in non-ejaculatory full body orgasms in men. Men can train themselves to have longer, more full bodied orgasms, using Tantric methods, as well as help overcome premature ejaculation and erectile issues.
Maṇipadme, is a term meaning “The jewel in the lotus” which is a significant eastern expression referring to penis (jewel) inside the many folds of the lotus (vagina). The language of lovemaking!
Take Away
As you learn more about Tantra, there are some important things to keep in mind. Be open to exploring new sexual territory, enjoy the journey of sex, allow yourself to be vulnerable, don’t judge, and most of all – have fun!
Hear Ye, hear ye. You can absolutely enjoy orgasms during all trimesters of your pregnancy. In addition to the maternal hormones that are flowing through the body, the oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin that release during orgasm, raises the climax ten-fold. If you have not experienced it already, you will find that orgasms are more pleasurable, especially in the second trimester. Your body will produce more natural lubrication which increases pleasure. Honestly, third trimester positions may be problematic or even uncomfortable, you can use your pregnancy pillow or invest in a sex pillow, (you can use it after pregnancy too!) to find comfortable and pleasurable positions that you can maintain through orgasm. Positions such as sex from behind, side-by-side sex, oral sex, standing, spooning, anal sex, you on top, and the reverse cowgirl. All these positions can be modified based on your comfort level. Be patient as you adjust for pleasure. You can also safely use toys and lube. Whether you are with someone, or masturbating pregnancy orgasms are great for you and very, very pleasurable.
Always check with your doctor to see if you should have sex. Sex is not recommended for high-risk pregnancy. If your uterine lining is thin for instance, you can cause it to break during thrusting causing serious birthing issues. The amniotic fluid is a barrier for the baby, and you introduce a host of infections that are very harmful to the baby. A quick check-in with the doctor before moving forward is needed. As a Sexologist concentrating on orgasms, I speak of the whole-body wellness that can be achieved through the process toward orgasm. I encourage masturbation and sexual encounters with orgasm as the goal. The release aids in pain relief, especially muscle pain. It helps with depression, blood pressure and counts as exercise. The blood flow can increase 50% during pregnancy. The blood goes to the vagina, pelvis, vulva, and clitoris. It causes the tissues to become engorged, and this can feel more pleasurable.
So, while you are hit and miss on how you feel during the first trimester, sex is possible when you can tolerate it. Again, the second trimester is all aces and in the third trimester, positioning matters. You sensitive heighten body will react to stimulation in a much more pleasurable way. Your breast swell and feel heavy and your nipples become super sensitive. This is great for generating arousal which is crucial to reach orgasm. Stimulate all the erogenous zones to get and stay aroused. We know that wetness is important to orgasm as well. The uterus and vagina are more engorged and sensitive. While you are producing more lubrication, again, do use lube, it allows a better environment for pleasure and does not expose the baby to the ingredients it is made of. A great water or vegan base lube is best.
Simple penetration in the vagina may feel good but it won’t bring on an orgasm that is mind-blowing. Encourage your mate to use different finger techniques to stimulate the vagina. The wet vaginal walls, the G, A and C spots within the vagina can create different levels of orgasms and with the right pressure, speed and force you can have an all over body orgasm that will rock your world. Note any types of discomfort and stop whatever it is that is causing the discomfort. Never “power through” discomfort. Make adjustments. However, after orgasm contractions or cramps are normal. These are not labor contractions and will not bring on labor. Myth busted. Sex does not trigger labor.
While coincidences can happen, the likelihood is slim for most. The process of orgasm relaxes the mind and body and gives you an all-over good feeling. This feeling can carry you through the discomforts of everyday pregnancy. Either masturbation or partner sex can be very pleasant during pregnancy and if you are up for it, go for it. Practice common sense and do only what you can do with comfort and most importantly, pleasure. Low risk pregnancy orgasms are very beneficial to your health and wellness before, during and after pregnancy. Please do not let rumors and myths allow you to miss an opportunity to feel this heighten pleasure. Pregnancy orgasms are no longer “harmful” acts to be avoided during pregnancy. While vaginal research is very, very under studied, and discussed, the truth is out there. Vaginas are scrappy! They transform in ways the mind can barely bend around. Follow modern day sex education research and explore orgasms during pregnancy.
Welcome to October! When we begin to bundle up and spend evenings taking long fair-weather walks. A great time of year to get all cozy inside and commit to your orgasm!
As an Orgasm Coach I have guided many to their first or much improved orgasm. I spend a lot of client time on this topic.
The “N”-Word
Photo by Saksham Choudhary from Pexels
I had a shocking thing happen to me last month during a virtual event I hold on the second Saturday monthly called Sexy Talk and Play. I used to meet face to face with individuals who came into a local bar that hosted my talks. With CoVid, I have taken the talks online via Zoom, and last month I had just finished talking about using your fingers to stimulate the Gspot and suddenly I hear the “N”word and “no one wants to fuck you”! My heart began to pound. Many voices began asking questions about fisting and how many fingers to use and calling me N***** in the chat.
It was all that I could do to apologize to my listeners and end my Zoom meeting. The experience shook me. I immediately wondered if it was my topic that they didn’t like or was it The color of my skin?
I shared on FB what had happened during my talk and many people posted that it has happened to them, even sent porn on the kids Zoom classes. This is disturbing! Who can help stop this from happening? People are hacking meetings and doing some very disturbing things. It is sad and unfortunate.
*Tip: when setting up your Zoom meeting, use the waiting room feature and require a password.
How to Give Good Fellatio
It ruined a very good talk on giving and receiving oral sex, where I gave tips on fellatio and how the wetter you keep it, the better it is for the receiver.
Fellatio Tips:
Never perform fellatio as a chore. Your excitement increases their excitement and therefore their orgasm.
Pay attention to the sensitivity of the shaft and head of the penis so that you can have fun with pressure and tongue strokes.
Learn to read the sexual response of your mate to take them on an orgasmic journey.
How to Give Good Cunnilingus
The same can be said about the delivery of cunnilingus.
Tips for Cunnilingus
Use your whole mouth on the entire external vagina.
Use your hand to apply a little pressure on the vulva to stimulate the internal clitoris which makes the external parts more sensitive.
*Note: If the clit gets too sensitive and becomes uncomfortable for your mate, you can use the clitoral hood to create a buffer over the clitoris. If this does not work, stay away from the clitoris or take a break.
When you begin to perform, pay attention to the outer and inner lips. Lick and suck them softly. If wanted, you can nibble on them as well.
Use a stiff tongue to play with the vaginal opening, you can reach many of the nerve endings there. You can use a flat, loose tongue to stroke from the perineum to the tip at the base of the vulva. Add wetness as you do so to increase the friction.
If using dental dam, place lube on the vagina to create the best level of wetness.
As your mate gets more into what you are doing -you will know this because they will squeeze your head with their thighs or press down onto your face- follow through to orgasm.
Unless directed to do so, don’t stop whatever you are doing through the climax, don’t stop to soon. I can’t stress that enough. If you get too excited, you may change your position or pressure causing a disruption in the orgasm.
Moving forward with penetration if wanted will continue the orgasmic journey through multiple orgasms.
Oral Sex Just for Foreplay?
Oral sex is usually done for foreplay. I tell people that foreplay should involve the erogenous zones and oral sex is an act itself. The more you “warm” up your mate to the sexual experience you can provide, the better the results.
Talk to your partner, find out what they know about their pleasure. You shouldn’t force them to be satisfied with what you have always done with others. All vulvas are different and need different stimulation. The same for the penis. If your blowjob is a series of habit, you need to shake it up, listen to your mate and deliver their version of a wonderful orgasm.
In case you haven’t caught on, communication is very important to the orgasm. Instead of treating your mate like a Rubik cube where you take a bunch of complex moves trying to get the colors to match. If you listen to them, and of course, if you share what works to get you to orgasm, then you know you are going to have one. But if you guide someone, they can adjust to enhance what you’re asking for, taking things to the next level for you, giving you your best orgasm… EVER!
Conclusion
I probably won’t be able to think of oral without thinking of being hacked on Zoom for a while! I choose to believe that it wasn’t about the conversation and my skin color was just a part of their hateful joke. Sexuality needs to be discussed. Just to keep it sexy, I am going to talk oral again this month.
Erotic hypnosis is the practice of hypnotizing someone for the purposes of sexual arousal, erotic stimulation, and even to achieve orgasm (or mindgasms or hands free orgasms), by creating extremely intense erotic experiences of pleasure inside the mind without the stimulation of the physical body. While erotic hypnosis is not generally designed to be therapeutic, it certainly can be. Erotic hypnosis can also be used as a guided masturbation journey aka: “jerk off instructions”.
Wikipedia says that, “Some erotic hypnosis is practiced in the context of BDSM relationships and communities, and is an example of a sexual fetish or paraphilia.” —Wikipedia
What are the Advantage of Erotic Hypnosis?
Believe it or not, erotic hypnosis has many benefits and can be therapeutic, as mentioned above. Erotic hypnosis can:
Help you unwind and relax the body and the mind
Relieve stress and clear your mind of unwanted clutter
The more relaxed you are the easier it is to open to pleasure and experience more pleasure
Get into altered states of consciousness
Reprogram your subconscious to remove limiting beliefs
Becoming hypnotized and suggestible is a wonderful way for a listener to hyperdrive his libido. Those who enjoy drifting into hypnotic trance discover just how effective it is in clearing the mind of those cluttering runaway thoughts and letting your mind just follow the directions of the hypnotist.
Hypnosis and hypnotherapy are excellent ways to rid the subconscious mind of blocks and obstacles placed within it during childhood or difficult life experiences enabling the listener to change undesirable attitudes and habits into desirable ones. But, what about the use of hypnosis as a tool to encourage and stimulate arousal, to experience the mind’s capabilities under hypnosis for sexual experiences and discovery?
Yes, it can be as good as it sounds and there is an ever-growing community who enjoy drifting into the sleepy surrender of hypnosis to find what turns them on and to discover their “hypnokinks”.
So, You Might be Thinking What’s the Point?
I’ll watch a little porn, toss one off and go to bed. But what if you opened your mind a little bit, gave up some of your usual control and listened without expectation to a voice and dialogue designed to arouse you? Falling into a hypnotic trance can activate specific reactions deep inside of you and you wake to discover just how horny you have become during the process.
The Journey into Erotic Trance is Very Good for You
Life is challenging and stressful. The ever-expanding abilities of technology increase our daily workloads and more is expected to be completed in the average workday. In addition, we are bombarded with news and opinions from our ever-growing link with social media. To remain healthy and balanced, it is important to find a quiet space, let it all go, to learn to quiet the mind and enjoy a little relief from the daily heightened stimulation and negativity. Hypnosis is similar to meditation in that the goal is to quiet the mind enabling it to release thoughts and simply slow down and become clear, to focus on the speaker and journey inward for a while. A wonderful byproduct of clearing the mind is the body becomes relaxed.
The eventual goal of the hypnotist is to bypass the conscious mind and speak directly to the subconscious mind and discover your individual “sexy” and build upon it.
The Difference Between Erotic Hypnosis and Clinical Hypnosis
Erotic hypnosis differs from clinical hypnosis in that the restrictions of sentence structure in clinical hypnosis do not exist. We erotic hypnotists can just say what we want, straight speak, without worry of using negative words such as can’t, don’t, won’t. The hard rules of hypnotherapy’s use of language are disregarded in the creation of erotic hypnosis.
Erotic hypnosis is not generally designed to be therapeutic (although it can be). It’s enjoyed to reach a state of euphoria and feel really good afterward or to be aroused. Depending on the suggestibility of the listener, the level of arousal can be extremely intense and can create experiences of pleasure inside the mind without the stimulation of the physical body.
Erotic Hypnosis for Hands-Free Orgasms!
There is a phenomenon known as a “hands-free” orgasm in which the listener experiences a pleasurable mind-produced orgasm (a mindgasm) and some are able to experience this mental orgasm complete with ejaculation. All of this is accomplished through the use of suggestion. The subconscious mind is extremely powerful and a good hypnotist can make you come with words alone, but you must let it happen and be open and receptive to the idea.
No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do or think you can’t do, even if you’ve seen it happen on television.
Ejaculation is Necessary for Good Sexual Health
Have you ever thought about a sexy hypnotist telling you exactly how to do it? Another genre used in erotic hypnosis is the acronym JOI which stands for “jerk off instructions” otherwise known as guided masturbation. An erotic hypnotist can elevate your arousal level using the increased suggestibility found in a hypnotic trance state. The suggestions to heighten your physical response during masturbation are extremely effective under hypnosis and you simply respond more intensely. Many individuals have trained their minds to stay inside the hypnotic trance even after ejaculation.
Your Increased Suggestibility Leads to More Intense Orgasms
Another popular use of erotic hypnosis is to increase the listener’s arousal level so when one exits hypnosis, your arousal switch has been flipped on. “You are getting very horny” simplifies this type of suggestion, but, erotic hypnosis sessions can definitely create a heightened arousal level for you to discover when you wake again.
Want to Get Turned on Before Partner Sex?
This is an excellent way to make it happen. Or even better yet, learn how to hypnotize your partner and engage in this very intimate exchange together. Hypnosis makes for great sex.
Many Subjects Become Aroused by Simply Being Hypnotized
A “hypnofetishist” is an individual whose kink is being hypnotized deeply. There is great freedom in surrendering yourself to a hypnotist for a period of time and the experience itself can be highly arousing to certain individuals. Deep trance feels good and enjoying a space in time where nobody has demands on you can be very relaxing, de-stressing and arousing. Listening to a sexy voice doesn’t hurt the libido either. Just let go and see what pops up!
Find A Certified Erotic Hypnotist
There are many educated, knowledgeable erotic hypnotists out there catering to many different erotic tastes and styles. If erotic hypnosis sounds like fun to you, go out there and see what’s available. Have fun and find that one hypnotist that attracts or resonates with you. But, find someone you can trust with your mind. It’s not something you want to give away freely. Do your homework. Read the reviews. Check out their credentials.
Go get horny by hypnosis, but be safe in doing so!
Mistress Carol Credentials: Mistress Carol is a certified hypnotist and clinical hypnotherapist. She has been creating erotic hypnosis sessions for nine years. She is known for her erotic creativity and professionalism, sexy voice and her natural seductive style. In addition to creating erotic hypnosis recordings, Mistress Carol is also a practicing hypnotherapist in her community. Listen to her sexy erotic hypnosis sessions at EroticHypnosisForMen.com.
The brain is tangible, the mind is not, and as Raphael Cushnir, author of The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection defines it, “an emotion is a message from your mind delivered to your body as a physical sensation.”
The brain, mind and emotion are all interconnected. The brain is the delivery system by which messages are sent to the body, the mind processes these messages and applies appropriate emotions, and then that coded message is sent to the physical body for expression. Basically, the brain is the match, the mind is the spark, and the emotion is the flame.
While some of this happens consciously, a majority of this process takes place below the surface with the help of some highly potent chemicals.
Chemical Cocktails of Romance
“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.”– Thomas Carlyle
Attraction works very much like a powerful cocktail. The process of getting ‘“turned on” through the feelings of attraction and desire is powered by various chemicals and hormones that complete an intricate recipe within your body.
If your brain is the bartender and your body the glass, these various elements are the special ingredients in the cocktail of life. While vodka can be fine on its own, you need to bring in the added elements of peach schnapps, cranberry juice and orange juice in order to sip a little “Sex On The Beach.” The brain works much the same way. You may have one basic thought (“that girl is pretty”), and then suddenly with a splash of this chemical and twist of that hormone, you’re giddy with desire!
Oxytocin is like the strawberry in the strawberry daiquiri. It is released by the pituitary gland and has been linked to the formation of close social bonds because it decreases stress levels and increases trust.
Vasopressin is like the tonic in the gin. It is a calming chemical secreted by the hypothalamus that fuels long-term relationship bonding.
Androgens are the Tabasco in the Bloody Mary. Testosterone is the primary sex hormone from a group called “Androgens.” Produced mostly by male testicles, it can also be created in smaller amounts by the female ovaries. While most men produce 6 to 8 mg of testosterone a day, most women produce only 0.5 mg. Low levels of testosterone have been linked to decreased sexual desire as well as causing some men to have difficulty maintaining an erection, while high levels may increase sexual lust in both sexes. In fact, women in their reproductive years have seen their testosterone levels spike in
the middle of their menstrual cycle, which helps explain why many women have reported an increased sexual appetite when they are most fertile.
Estrogens are like the cranberry juice in a Cosmopolitan. These are the sex hormones produced primarily by a female’s ovaries that play a large role in the female body by stimulating the growth of sex organs, breasts and pubic hair, while also regulating the menstrual cycle. The brain of both sexes also produces estrogen, though what part this
plays in male sexuality hasn’t yet been established. It is believed by many researchers that it plays an important role in sexual appetite.
Nitric Oxide is the olive juice in the dirty martini. This chemical is released by the genitals during arousal. It increases blood flood to the sex organs, especially the penis.
Pheromones are the lime juice on the glass rim of a margarita. These scented hormones are found primarily in the odor-producing apocrine glands of the armpits and other areas of the body that have hair follicles. Linked to sexual attraction, research has indicated that we may select our partners by using a set of subtle smell cues, since no two people have the same odor print, with the exception of identical twins. However there is much research in progress about the exact way these hormones work, so the jury is still out.
Neurotransmitters are like the various fruits in sangria. Epinephrine, norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and phenylethylamine (PEA) are the ‘BrainGasm’ neurotransmitters that stimulate motivation and drive. After playing a minor role in the initial phase of love, it is really in the second stage (“Adventure”) that they take the spotlight and work to help the brain feel balanced. Epinephrine and norepinephrine are responsible for the feelings of an “adrenaline rush”, with high levels associated with anxiety and low levels with depression.
Basically, the brain before, during and after orgasm is the same as the reactions of doing drugs or listening to your favorite song. The brain does not tell the difference between sex and other pleasurable experiences like eating ice cream at 9pm. It also sends off chemicals that can lessen pain. That’s right, orgasm can cure a headache. The pituitary gland releases endorphins, oxytocin and vasopressin which promote pain reduction, bonding and intimacy.
If you think the brain is busy, check out what your anatomy is doing in the process. The internal organs composing the sexual anatomy of the male include the epididymis, vas deferens, seminal vesicles, prostate gland, Cowper’s glands, and urethra. The most prominent part of a male’s sexual anatomy is his penis. The penis has three primary functions: Initiating orgasm and transporting semen and urine from the body. It is made of the base, shaft, and glans. The base and shaft are where the erectile tissue and muscles are. In addition, there is the scrotum and the testicles. The scrotum is the sac of wrinkled skin behind and below the penis that contain the testicles. For vulvas owner, the process is more complex. This makes orgasm depend upon development in the womb. It’s called the CUV Complex. It stands for Clitoral-Urethra-Vagina with the cervix and perineal sponge. The vulva is the most obvious part of the clitoris. There is the clitoral hood which is either attached to the inner lips or not attached at all. There is the shaft that is located near the pubic bone.
Breath can add variety to your lovemaking by blowing your cool breath (with pursed lips) up and down your lover’s spine, on the inside of the thighs, along the crack in the buttocks, on wet testicles and on the vulva lips.
The eyes are the mirrors of your soul. Look into your partner’s soul for a deeper heart connection. Create emotional support so you can create trust, soothe nerves and enhance relaxation. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
Entraining Exercise
The same can be said about the delivery of cunnilingus.
Oral sex is usually done for foreplay. I tell people that foreplay should involve the erogenous zones and oral sex is an act itself. The more you “warm” up your mate to the sexual experience you can provide, the better the results.
Mistress Carol Credentials: Mistress Carol is a certified hypnotist and clinical hypnotherapist. She has been creating erotic hypnosis sessions for nine years. She is known for her erotic creativity and professionalism, sexy voice and her natural seductive style. In addition to creating erotic hypnosis recordings, Mistress Carol is also a practicing hypnotherapist in her community. Listen to her sexy erotic hypnosis sessions at 
