Satisfying sex is an integral component of romantic relationships, but in some cases, one person fails to consider his or her partner’s needs between the sheets.
In many cases, communication can be a game-changer, so opening up to your significant other is key to lasting change in the bedroom. But what if you’re unsure if your expectations are too lofty or your partner is truly selfish? I’ve compiled a list of five surefire signs your partner is putting his or her needs ahead of your own—and what you can do about it.
If your sex life is lacking, don’t ignore the following problems, as they could be red flags that may lead to bigger relationship issues later on.
Table of Contents
Signs Your Partner is Sexually Selfish
1. Foreplay is Short-Lived or Nonexistent
Sex shouldn’t be all about intercourse aside from the occasional quickie. Steaming things up with a sexy make-out session or extended foreplay can go a long way toward ensuring both partners are raring to go for the main event.
If your significant other isn’t keen on pregame action, it’s best to broach the subject when you’re both relaxed and not in the heat of the moment. Tell your partner what you need in a kind and compassionate way. Sex can be a sensitive topic, so if he or she gets upset and/or defensive, be sure to stay calm, and come back to the conversation once your partner has had time to process your request(s).
2. Your Needs and Desires Come Second—or Not at All
Sexy time isn’t all that fun when your partner is only concerned with his or her own satisfaction. If you’re never on the receiving end of oral sex—and you love it—your sweetie may need a wake-up call.
Most people prefer certain sexual positions and neglect others, but it’s all about give and take. If you enjoy doggy style and your partner goes crazy for reverse cowgirl, you can keep things spicy by taking turns choosing positions. Or you could both explore some new and exciting positions with a sex swing.
As mentioned previously, communication is a must when it comes to sexual satisfaction, so always be open and honest about your wants and needs!
3. Your Partner Insists on Having Sex Even if You’re Not Feeling It
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
Let’s face it… no one is in the mood for sex 24/7. You know your significant other places his or her needs ahead of yours if you feel pressured to perform even after explaining that you’re not feeling up to a romp in the hay.
Stress related to sex will likely carry over into your relationship outside of the bedroom. Sex should be a source of connection and fun, not aggravation and anxiety, so sharing your concerns and setting boundaries is vital for the well-being of your partnership—both in and out of bed.
4. Your Climax is Optional; Your Partners is Not
If your partner always climaxes first and isn’t interested in ensuring you’re satisfied, there’s sexual selfishness at play. Mutual satisfaction should be the goal, although treating your partner to a surprise orgasm now and then can be a reward in itself, as long as it’s not always one-sided.
Your partner should be just as intent on pleasing you as he or she is about his or her own pleasure. At the very least, they should be open to a constructive conversation about fulfilling your sexual needs and desires.
5. Your Partner Gives You Unsolicited Pointers but Refuses to Take Your Advice
One telltale sign your significant other doesn’t care about your sexual needs? He or she shuns your suggestions and requests but is quick to give you unsolicited advice regarding your sex life.
Maintaining a mutually satisfying sex life is virtually impossible when one partner doesn’t feel free to express his or her wants, needs, fantasies, etc.
What to Do if Your Partner is Selfish in Bed
It can be difficult to differentiate between selfishness and lack of awareness when it comes to sex. Occasional selfishness is understandable, but if your partner consistently prioritizes his or her sexual satisfaction and/or disregards your feelings, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. Couples counseling can be helpful if both parties are willing to work on the issue and make changes to help ensure mutual sexual satisfaction.
You deserve to have your needs met in the bedroom. Sexual pleasure is one of life’s greatest enjoyments, so finding a compatible partner is paramount. As Dashiell Hammett once said, “Strictly speaking, there are no real substitutes for sexual satisfaction.”
I couldn’t agree more!