How To Relax RIght Before Sex

How do you turn good sex into great sex? By relaxing more. To achieve a state of sexual bliss, you need to feel relaxed, yet excited. Sex is supposed to be fun, not boring or nerve wracking if you’re with a new person.

Sensate focus or “sensate focusing” was first developed by early sex therapists Masters and Johnson. In the early 1960’s, Masters and Johnson saw couples coming into their practice who were still uneasy and uptight about sex. The idea of sensate focus was to focus on the sensual aspect of sex through touching–in a mindful way. As opposed to focusing on having an orgasm. Focusing on touch, they found, took the pressure off.

So how is it done? First, couples lightly stroke each other with their fingers or hands without touching breasts, nipples or the family jewels. Focus on how the skin feels when being touched or touching.

The second stage moves the touching to breasts and nipples, but touching her hoo ha or his man bone is still forbidden. Next, each person takes turns putting their hand over their partner’s hand to show the other person what they find pleasurable. Once this is done, touching the each other’s sweet spots that were previously forbidden will feel incredible.

Next you repeat the placing of their hand over your clitoris or penis, to show them what you find most pleasurable. Otherwise, how do they know? Take turns and repeat. The goal is pleasure rather than orgasm. By playing with pressure and timing, you will be more in tune with each other as you show the other person what you really like.

The technique is used for men who have performance anxiety, which is caused by an anxiousness and nervousness about either keeping it up or pleasing the other person. Studies have shown that the more people kissed, hugged, and touched each other, rather than just “sticking it in,” the less anxiety they had. And the more they enjoyed each other. Touch is a very powerful thing.

Previous articleWhat is an “analgasm?”: Resources on Anal Sex
Next articleTips For Writing Your Dating Profile
Anka Radakovich is a legendary Sex Columnist, Certified Sexologist, Sex Educator, Screenwriter, and Author of the book THE WILD GIRLS CLUB, PART 2, Tales from New York to Hollywood. THE WILD GIRLS CLUB, Part 2 is her third book. Her first two books, The Wild Girls Club; Tales from below the Belt, and Sexplorations; Journeys to the Erogenous Frontier were both published by Crown/Random House. She was the Sex Columnist for DETAILS Magazine for 9 years and currently writes columns for and Los Angeles Magazine. Her writing has appeared in dozens of magazines including Marie Claire, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Harper’s Bazaar, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Men's Journal, Seventeen, Glamour, and Maxim. She has appeared on numerous television shows including 8 appearances with Conan O’Brien. She was a Jeopardy question under the category “Men’s Mags.” As a Sex Educator and Sexologist, she is a college lecturer at Universities throughout the country who offers her unique brand of sex education. Follow her on Twitter @ankarad.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here