Foreplay Isn’t A Game

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Foreplay Isn’t A Game

Foreplay is an integral part of a great sex life, as well as a healthy and long lasting relationship. A male client once complained to me, “Women consider foreplay everything that happens in the 24 hours prior to intercourse, whereas men only count the three minutes prior to penile insertion.” While he was being funny, I had to admit that he was partially right!

Psychological factors greatly influence a woman’s desire, while a man is more concentrated on the physical aspects. Her surroundings, attitude, and mental state play a much larger part than his in sexual enjoyment.

Dr. Beverly Whipple, a certified sexuality counselor, sex researcher and coauthor of the international best seller The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality, states, “Female sexual response may be much more complex than anyone ever guessed. Men tend to view sex like they do many other things – in a linear way. To them, a sexual encounter is like descending a staircase that leads step by step to only one endpoint: ejaculation. Woman’s sexuality is more holistic and encompasses a much broader scope.”

In the word “foreplay”, “fore” indicates that these activities are the predecessor to a more
important main event, but this isn’t necessarily true. Foreplay isn’t just a prelude to sex, but a process that helps to warm up the mind and body for what is to come, which may or may not be intercourse. And the second half of the word, “play”, should take away some pressure and put the focus on fun and exploration. We get to just be with one another in the sexual sandbox and build something together. The enjoyment and laughter is what’s valuable, so we need to make that the priority over trying to build the perfect castle.

“For women, the process of making love-the holding and the hugging and the tenderness-
can be as emotionally gratifying as orgasm itself, and sometimes even more so.”– Dr. Beverly Whipple

Simple actions can take on fantastic sexual overtones. For example, kissing the fingers can become a tease for oral sex. When kissing a woman’s fingers, you might spread her fingers as if you were spreading her legs, then lick in between each finger like it were the creases of her vagina. And with a man, you could take his thumb in your mouth from tip to base in erotic ways just like it was his penis.

That’s sure to make your desires and indications clear!


Stimulate your brain and get your body in the mood for love by making a list of ten sexual foreplay activities, and then prioritize them in order of your level of arousal. For example: kissing, cuddling, massaging, sharing a bubble bath, romantic dining, feeding each other, role-playing, erotic talk, oral sex, or mutual masturbation.

If you don’t already know what turns you on, you won’t be able to communicate your needs, wants and desires to your partner. So, sharing your lists will lead to some cerebral communication and erotic experiences.

Here are some more ideas for turning a simple act into foreplay:

♥ Make out by a window to make the neighbors jealous.

♥ Play strip poker with your wildest cards.

♥ Distract your partner from working too hard by seducing them with a passionate kiss.

♥ Get comfortable on the floor with some cushions and read a romantic or erotic book together.

♥ Share long shaped food, such as an asparagus, spaghetti or breadstick by taking one end in your mouth and giving the other end to your partner, then nibble your way to the middle.

♥ Have a gentle playful wrestling match. The winner gets to be the receiver of pleasure first.

♥ Brush your partner’s hair.

♥ Use a rolling pin to give your partner a massage, front and back.

♥ Have a naked pillow fight with your partner and kiss them once they’ve lost the battle.

♥ If you’re lucky enough to have a fireplace, smooch or make love in front of the crackling flames.

According to psychiatrist and brain imaging specialist Dr. Daniel Amen, author of Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life, “Women need to ask for what they want sexually, and must teach their men through repetition, practice and good coaching.”

Foreplay starts in the brain so take advantage of creative thinking and you’ll have a romantic relationship that lasts.



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