Sunday, February 18, 2018

More Toys For Masturbation Month

As National Masturbation Month winds down, you might be tempted to touch yourself less.

Don’t stop.

You might think now is a good time to submit to hibernation with just one toy.


Do you really need to get completely naked?


Touch yourself totally?


Treat yourself to something new?


I had such fun celebrating masturbation at last weekend’s Taboo Brunch, I thought I’d detail some of my talk here. If you skipped the brunch, you missed out on exclusive content such as biased poll results, accidental puns, and me waving uncut dildos in the air. I’ll give you a peek at my main point, though:

You not only deserve masturbation, you deserve GOOD masturbation.


I often refer to masturbation as “self love.” Partly, I call it that because they don’t let me say “rub one out” on the radio. But also, touching yourself can and should be an expression of love. Your body is beautiful. It deserves to be caressed. And you deserve to caress it.

You also deserve to know it. Too often, we avoid looking at our naked bodies. We don’t want to see our flaws, and we definitely don’t want to know what’s hiding in the spots we can’t see. But we can’t love what we don’t know, and loving ourselves inspires the positivity and confidence that makes it easy to be loved by others.

So turn on the lights. Get completely naked. Look in a mirror. Straddle a mirror. Then start touching yourself.

Start slowly. Start with your hand. Run your fingers up your arm, along your collar bone, between your breasts. We lead busy lives, frequently out of our own skin. We’re online, on social media, on to the next thing. Be present in your body. You have access to so much sensation without gels and toys. Awaken that, first.

And then, bring in gels and toys. Because you deserve it.

Got a favorite? Good. But regardless of your relationship status, no one wins with toy monogamy. Employ your favorite frequently, but don’t forget that there are other toys in the box.

And if your favorite is a clitoral blaster that quickly knocks your orgasms out, congratulations. You’ve succeeded in masturbation, or at least crossed the finish line. But, while orgasms themselves pack a ton of health benefits (heart health, lowered risk of diabetes, better sleep, kegel strength, relaxation, I could go on and on) you haven’t really given your body the attention it deserves.

With our partners, we put in work. We aim to keep things fresh and exciting. Because we desire our lovers, we relish touching their skin and being touched by their hands. Because we care for them, we want them to feel fantastic.

By ourselves, we often assume the most physically comfortable position, yank our pants down, and reach for whatever toy is easily accessible and fully charged.

My Taboo Toy Reviews have enabled me to “date” a ton of toys. We’ve shared dinners and movie nights and I’ve given some of them names. It’s probably my solo use of couples toys, however, that has really impressed upon me the equality of sex with a partner and sex with oneself. I’m not suggesting you handcuff yourself to your bed, but I’m not suggesting you don’t.

Discounting a toy or practice as a “couples thing” unnecessarily limits the fun you can have by yourself. Before I received my first anal toy for review, it never would have dawned on me to invite anal stimulation into masturbation. Uncomfortable at first but eventually rewarding, “butt stuff” is like slaving over a stove all day for a delicious ten minute meal. I’m a lot more apt to do it if I’ve got someone to share it with.

But if I don’t, do I deserve that meal less? Is it any less satisfying?

Your strides are limited inside your own comfort zone. Switch toys, rooms, positions. Suction a dildo to the edge of your tub and ride it. Suction it to your shower and back it on up. Not super into nipple stuff? Pinch your nipples anyway. Lick them if you can. Suck your toes. Smack your ass.

Love yourself.

Love yourself as fully as you love your partners, and then invite them to love you that way, too.

Manly Toys For May Masturbation Month

For most guys, their hand, some lotion, and a little privacy is all they need for a successful masturbation session. Hell, sometimes the lotion isn’t even needed… or the privacy for that matter. The point being – men are simpler than women when it comes to getting off.

But the problem is, in their simplicity, they often miss out on some great masturbation toys because they think they don’t need it, which is why we’re dedicating this article for May’s Masturbation Month to male masturbation devices.

You see, in my not-so-humble experience, most men don’t realize how amazing masturbation – either solo or mutual masturbation sessions with a partner – can be with the aid some of the fancy toys out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 men I’ve been with have never used a stroker, a fake pussy, or any other masturbation device on the market. They think it’s “weird” or “unnecessary.” But, when I spring one on them, let’s just say: Masturbation. Game. Changer!

Guys, if you’re still shaking your head “no,” just read with an open mind. Ladies, these items make for great gift ideas for your man.

Guybrator – Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo

You might have heard about this on Saturday Night Live, but Hot Octopuss’ PULSE, the world’s first Guybrator, is no joke. The male masturbator was featured on SNL when the savvy London-based sex toy company erected a “GuyFi” booth in NYC for men to “self-soothe” as a marketing stunt in January 2016. The stunt created insane brand awareness for the award-winning product and increased visitors to their website from 1,000 to 20,000 in just three hours following the event.

What’s unique about the PULSE II Solo (their male-only toy for $99) is that is uses oscillation technology instead of vibration. “We’ve created a high amplitude, deep basey vibration, which is better for stimulating men. The regular vibration used in female toys works great for women, but not for men,” says co-founder/inventor Adam Lewis.

PULSE can be used in two ways: With lubricant and without. With lubricant, the man lubricates his penis, inserts it into the unit, and masturbates with the device. Or, he can insert his penis into the toy without lubricant, turn the toy on, and, as Lewis puts it “it finishes him off without having to do anything whatsoever. So it’s the lazy toy in that respect.”

It’s also great for men with erectile dysfunction issue. “We discovered that men can actually orgasm completely flaccid. For example, if a man suffers from prostate cancer and he no longer can get an erection, he would’ve probably given up masturbating because it’s like pulling on a rubber string. However, he can use PULSE completely flaccid and still achieve an orgasm. Or it’s good for a man suffering from erectile dysfunction who just has a hard time getting an erection, this can help him get one,” adds Lewis.

Also, be sure to check out their couples’ toy as well – the PULSE II Duo ($139). The toy is worn by him, but provides vibrations on both sides to pleasure both partners.

Blowjob Robot

Male Masturbation - Auto Blow

There was clearly a demand for robot that can blow you because when founder/creator Brian Sloan set a goal of $275,000 for his Autoblow 2, they ended up raising $318,000 instead. More than 100,000 units at about $159.95 a pop of this robotic oral sex simulator for men have been sold since it debuted in 2014, and the demand is so high that they even released an Autoblow 2.

What’s the fuss? It’s hands’ free, has several speeds, and can go up until 1,000 hours or until “your dick falls off,” as Sloan says in their hilarious how-to video. “The Autoblow 2+ is more powerful and we added an extra row of beads plus covered the springs which used to wear away at the sleeves. We made a new sleeve with Real Doll to give guys something nicer to look at than the relatively strange looking mouth we created,” says Sloan.

Prostate Massagers

Male Masturbation Hugo Black
LELO Hugo in black

We’ve covered oral and hands, now let’s talk anal. LELO reports that with prostate stimulation, the size of the male orgasm can increase by 33% and prolonged use of prostate massage can help alleviate symptoms of erectile dysfunction.

The company offers three vibrating prostate massagers: Hugo ($219), Bruno ($169), and Loki ($169). They’re like the three little bears of prostate massagers – Hugo’s the most powerful with its hands-free feature and 8 settings for the more experienced man, Bruno’s somewhere in the middle, and Loki, which is hand-held for manual stimulation, is better suited for the beginner.

Male Masturbation Bruno Purple
LELO Bruno in purple
Male Masturbation Loki Federal Blue
LELO Loki in blue

“Although the prostate can be reached with fingers it’s near impossible to do solo without the aid of a tool,” says Sunny Megatron, sex educator and host of “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” “If you have a partner to help with the massage it can be very stressful on their fingers, hands, and wrists making it difficult to maintain for long periods. Massagers not only make things easier in that regard, the vibration also gives more pleasure options than a stationary object.”

Travel Toys

Male Masturbation Travel Pump

If your boyfriend or husband travels a lot and has a wondering eye, this is the perfect gift for him. Why have him be tempted by the prostitute in the hotel lobby bar on that business trip when you can send him off with Nasstoy’s Travel Pump? It’s a compact travel kit ($50) with two interchangeable bases (one for suction like a BJ and one with a vagina base for sex simulation) in three powerful suction settings, as well as 4 cock rings and a discrete zippered shaving kit-style carrying bag. Remember, for better suction results, shave your pubic hair!

Simple Strokers

If you don’t want to spend a lot of money or dive into the more complex items, there’s a bevy of simple strokers available for $10-$20. Doc Johnson’s Mood Pleaser masturbators, for instance, comes in a very artsy shape with four distinct internal textures (massage beads, thin ribbed, zigzag, and thick ribbed) and four stylish colors (frost, purple, blue, and orange).

Male Masturbation Doc Johnson Mood Pleaser Purple 1Male Masturbation Helping Head

My favorite stroker to enhance my BJ game is Doc Johnson’s GoodHead Helping Head ($12). It’s a 2-inch mini-stroker that I use to stroke my partner’s penis as I’m giving him head. It makes my “job” a lot easier. You can use these with lube or without, but it’s better with! This is a great intro toy to the guy who is sex-toy-shy.

How To Share Your Kink

Most of us look for ways to improve our sex lives, even if we’re generally happy with whatever we have going on. Discovering a new kink or fetish often leads to a desire to bring that into your bedroom, but getting what you want can seem difficult. Many couples enjoy a healthy and active sex life but they rarely – if ever – actually discuss their sex lives with each other. So when one partner wants something new, it seems like an impossible task to introduce the idea to the other person.

But getting what you want in bed isn’t really that difficult. These five steps will take you through the process and ease you into introducing the topic to your partner and developing a healthy foundation for your sexual future.

Know What You Want

In many cases, a person will know what they want. Maybe they want to try spanking or having their partner blindfold them. Specific acts are easy to pin down, but sometimes things are a bit trickier. Sometimes a person knows what they want the end result to be, even if they’re not sure how to get there. A woman might see a video on female ejaculation (also known as squirting) and want to try achieving that kind of orgasm. But squirting isn’t something that comes easy to most women and there are very specific sexual techniques partners need to use in order to achieve that goal.

Explore Your Kink On Your Own First

Whatever your kink or sexual goal, do a little research on your own before bringing it up to your partner. This means checking out movies, books, erotic fiction and shopping around for the accessories or supplies you’ll need. Exploring the kink or fetish a bit on your own will make it easier to talk about with your partner. This will also make it easier to speak with confidence and get past any initial awkwardness.

Ask Instead of Ordering

People respond better to being asked something rather than having a demand levied. Don’t tell your partner what you two will be trying out, ask them how they feel about the kink. Share your own interests, listen to what they have to say and encourage each other to have a deep and meaningful conversation about the topic. If you’re interested in trying out different forms of BDSM, discuss how much you’re willing to give or receive along with how comfortable your partner is. Don’t demand the whole nine yards right away – ask your partner about his or her comfort level and use that as a starting point.

Lose Your Inhibitions

Being open and communicating what you want from sex isn’t the time to beat around the bush or speak in riddles. Be frank and up front about what you want before and during sex. Don’t hold back to ask your partner to squeeze more, pinch tighter or change the level of intensity. At the same time, don’t hold back when it comes to telling your partner how good something make you feel. The more information you share with your partner, the better they’ll be able to please you – and the more likely they’ll be to communicate with you.

Stay Open to Spontaneity

Exploring a fetish or new kink means following some sort of plan since you’ve done your research and have things you want to try. But don’t let that process prevent you from being spontaneous with your partner. If you’ve been playing around with pegging and he wants to throw some light whipping into the mix, give it a try if it’s within your comfort levels. There’s no wrong way to explore sexuality with your partner, so don’t be afraid to mix things up and try different combinations. It will keep your sex life interesting, encourage communication between the two of you and will make it easier for you both to have the best sex of your lives.

9 Funny But True Penis Facts

Sex length

Mr. Penis doesn’t come with a set of instructions, so many people don’t quite know how to use him properly in order to maximize his amazing potential. And sometimes, even his owner doesn’t know exactly how to clearly communicate his needs. To unearth the folklore of this flaccid and erect member of society and to help provide you with some tips to provide it with ultimate pleasure, here are 9 helpful penis facts that will help address some of the common questions, myths, and misconceptions.

Fact 1: It’s A Delicate Organ

Although men often project a tough exterior and act like their penises are akin to baseball bats, the penis is actually a delicate organ comprised of an intricate system of flesh, tissue, blood vessels and nerves. The penis is both a reproductive and excretory organ. It has three main functions: (1) urination; (2) sexual pleasure; (3) reproduction. And while there are many great pretenders and colorful imitators at adult novelty stores, nothing can compare to the real thing.

Fact 2: You Can Fracture A Penis

A penile fracture results from a rupture to the muscular fibers and tissues. This is usually caused by blunt trauma or unnecessary roughness during sexual intercourse or masturbation. A penile fracture is an excruciatingly painful medical emergency that usually requires surgery to repair. Another unfortunate side effect of a penile fracture is that it may result in long-term complications. So the next time you’re ready to ride’em Cowgirl, ease up on the reverse cowgirl, as this position tends to be the notorious nemesis.

Fact 3: Big Feet Does Not Equal Big Penis

The rumor that you can tell the size of a man’s penis by the size of his feet is absolutely not true! There is no scientific data to support this belief. In fact, there is no real way of determining the size of a penis unless you actually take a look. The average flaccid length is approximately 3 to 4 inches and the average erect penis is around 5 to 7 inches long. The flaccid circumference/girth averages 3.5 to 3.9 inches and the erect circumference is around 4.7 inches. So think twice before sizing a man up by the size of his shoes; you just might be in for a big disappointment or perhaps the best surprise of your life!

Fact 4: “Blue Balls” Is A Real Thing

A lot of times men will try to use this excuse to “get some action,” but in some cases he is actually telling the truth. Here are the facts. “Blue balls” results from a prolonged state of sexual arousal. When a man is turned on, blood flows to his penis giving him an erection and causing his testicles to swell. If he doesn’t ejaculate, there is a buildup of pressure through a process called vasocongestion. As the fluid builds up, it causes the tubes at the back of the testicles to stretch, which can cause mild to severe pain in the testicles and/or dull aching in the prostate gland. Usually an orgasm from sex or a good ole hand job will take care of it. And just in case you’re wondering why it’s called blue balls, it’s because the blood has been in the testicles for a while causing them to lose oxygen, thus giving the appearance of a bluish tint.

Fact 5: Size Is Not An Indicator Of Performance

Big things sometimes come in little packages. By and large, no pun intended, penis size is not an indicator of sexual performance or sexual pleasure. The vagina is flexible and can contract or expand to accommodate the size of the penis, and in addition, sexual position, clitoris play and sexual enhancers such as pillows can make up for where the penis may be well endowed or lack in length. Some oral skills and a lot of enthusiasm can make up for size any day.

Fact 6: Penises Love More Than Deep Throat

Pleasuring a penis involves more than deep throat sucking. Although many people believe that deep throating is the only way to suck a penis, there are many other ways to bring it to ejaculation. Try kissing, licking, sucking, and stroking the penis with different oral and hand techniques. Shower it with affection! Do not be afraid to have a love affair with the penis. The more responsive and excited you are, the more likely the penis will rise to the occasion.

Fact 7: Drinking, Drugs, And Penises Don’t Mix

If you’re planning on a BIG (pun intended) night of passionate and intense sex, then cut back or even hold off on drinking and drug use. In the beginning, a man may experience normal desires and sex but this soon changes as the alcohol and drugs begin effect his body. Contrary to popular belief, drinking alcohol and smoking does not produce, prolong or enhance sexual performance. It actually has the opposite effect, meaning that it can make it even more difficult for the penis to get or maintain an erection. Substances can also greatly damage blood vessels in the penis. If the blood vessels are damaged, blood flow to the penis will be impaired. In fact, long-term substance use/abuse can contribute to long term sexual dysfunctions – including erectile dysfunction.

Fact 8: All Penises Change Over Time

Change is inevitable! As we age, our bodies age. In the case of the penis, some of the changes that might occur include: color, decreased sensitivity, hair loss and shrinkage. In addition, as men age, testosterone levels will decrease. Testosterone helps support nervous tissue, so when levels start to drop, there will be a decrease in desire and sensitivity, making it more difficult to reach orgasm. Although erectile dysfunction is not inevitable, with each passing decade the statistics indicate that by age 40 nearly 50% of men begin to experience erectile dysfunction. This number increases by 10% with each passing decade. Try not to be discouraged, it’s just part of the process of aging, and there are exercises that can help.

Fact 9: A Ménage A Trois Is A Must

The penis and his two friends, the testicles aka the balls, are always down for a good threesome! Many people tend to shy away from the testicles during sex play. However, there are a lot of men that enjoy a little extra attention on their testicles. Try cupping them, giving them a little tug, licking them or even putting them in your mouth. The next time you want to spice things up or include a little extra pleasure in your sexual repertoire, a rendezvous with the three of them is the perfect place to start. A note of caution: Because the testicles are extremely sensitive, use caution when handling.

In order to provide optimal sexual pleasure and satisfaction to Mr. Penis, you need to keep an open mind, know the facts, consult the owner and make changes as needed!

The Hottest Teen Girl Trend Is Labiaplasty

Gynecologists report that teen girls are asking for labiaplasty procedures to “perfect” their young lady bits.

According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, there was an 80% increase in labiaplasty from 2014. What’s the deal with this trend? Apparently, now teenage girls shave and wax their pubic hair, which makes the vajajay more visible and “imperfect.” Little do teen girls know, but the size and shape of a female vagina and its labia are body parts young men don’t judge. They’re just happy to see one.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) blames it on “increasing trends in pubic hair removal, exposure to idealized images of genital anatomy, and increasing awareness of cosmetic vaginal surgery.”

The trend is so out of control that the Gynecologists have issued guidelines on how doctors should talk with adolescents about labiaplasty, which reduces the size of uneven labia. They recommend that doctors inform young women of wide range of shape and sizes of labia, and that there is no “normal” standard of vaginal beauty. The last thing teenage girls should be worried about is whether or not their vagina “fits in.”

Julie Strickland, the chair of ACOG’s Adolescent Health Care Committee and lead author of the study said. “Variety in the shape, size, appearance, and symmetry of labia can have particularly psychological effects on young women. It’s one more body part that women are insecure about and it’s our job, as Ob-Gyns, to reassure our young patients.”

Back To Basics – Sexual Positions

When it comes sex, we often get so caught up in orgasms and “goal oriented” sex that we miss the mark. We are so busy trying to impress each other with our sexual prowess that we forget the simple pleasures of good ol’ fashioned sex! These three basic sexual positions will bring you back to that space of connection and romance that inevitably leads to deeper satisfaction.


Good Ol’ Missionary Position is one of the most romantic sex positions there is. Face to face and heart to heart, it allows partners to intimately connect on a deeper and more meaningful level. The bodies are in alignment and easy entry into the vagina means you’re not angling for any acrobatics – you’re just focused on each other. Partners are able to gaze into each other’s eyes, breathe together, take long passionate kisses, maintain body-to-body closeness, and synchronize their movements. Take your time and enjoy the pose that makes penetration more satisfying, often leading to intense orgasms for women and men.

Woman On Top

Woman on Top Position, in any variation, includes positions like “Cowgirl” “Reverse Cowgirl” “The Lotus” “Yab-Yum” etc. Women love these positions because they allow them to be able to control the speed, angle and depth of penetration. When a woman is on top, it makes it easier for her to move in a way that feels more pleasurable for her. The man’s hands are free to roam and stimulate other pleasure points of her body such as: breast, back, butt, etc., which also helps to increase her body’s sensitivity. These positions also offer direct stimulation of the clitoris and G-spot which can maximize her chances of having an orgasm.


With spooning positions both partners can cuddle closely together. The angle of this position puts pressure in all the right places for both partners. Although spooning does not allow for eye contact, it offers a nuzzling closeness that’s hard to beat. Similarly to the woman on top positions, spooning positions allows the man all access to all the pleasure points on the woman’s body. Her partner can caress her stomach, breast, neck, and clitoris. Another reason this position is so popular is because of the full-body contact which allows for cuddling and low-intensity sex that can last for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a sweaty, highly charge, acrobatic sex session. However, sometimes we need to take back to the basics. With these three sexual positions, you can not go wrong.

How To Make Love To A Penis

Among the many lessons I’ve learned from the men in my life, one that may come as a particular surprise to women is that not all blowjobs are created equal. In fact, there is such a thing as a bad blow job, and men are disappointed with their partners’ orals skills more than ladies may know. Why? “She was just trying to hurry up and get the job done,” is an explanation I hear over and over again.

Although women do earn kudos for being proactive in bed, many of them seem to be going through the motions, something men actually do notice and do experience frustration with.

While there is a time and a place for all techniques, we ladies must remember that we aren’t the only gender who appreciates slow sensuality and the art of lovemaking. Men may not vocalize it, but they also like moments of non-penetrative body worship. Even if he doesn’t yet know the pleasures of cock-amory, if you will, trust that he’ll want more of it after you orally express your loving desire for his lingam.

So how exactly does one “make love to the penis,” as one of my frustrated male friends described it? Slow down, baby, and become more involved.

Remember that he has sensitivity around his cock, not just in it, and that licking, kissing and sucking not just his dick, but other areas very close by can create a sensational buildup and delightful breaks in between those moments your mouth is full of phallus. Guys go nuts over their nuts being played with and I’ve never met a man who didn’t welcome his perineum being teased.

Use your tongue, not just your lips, when you work your way up and down his dick, and remember that the varied use of a free hand will create a more robust sensation when combined with your sensual suck.

Men aren’t always looking for a jerking up and down motion, they actually love to be stroked, tickled and caressed while your mouth is exploring his body and capturing his gentle reactions to your controlled, wet, movements. Try gently and slowly stroking his shaft while also softly sucking a testicle. Or, try teasing just the dense nerve endings of his glans and corona with the inside of your lips while massaging his taint or his anus.

There are so many different bits to give attention to and so many ways to do it, so if you think you may be stuck in an oral rut, definitely try to slow it down and switch things up. Oral sex is not Daft Punk. Harder, faster and stronger does not mean better.

Again, there’s a time and place for everything, but if we stop thinking of giving oral sex as a motion that must quickly be completed, and start treating the act like his body is poetry rolling off our tongues and feathers under our fingertips, you may find that your skills quickly earn the title of “best blowjob ever.”

Yes, ladies, men do want to be made love to, and so do their penises.

How To Make A Threesome Happen

Couples can’t always give each other everything they need sexually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes introducing a third person is exactly what you both want to keep your sex life fresh with novelty. Engaging in a threesome can be one of the most memorable sexual experiences a couple can have, but make sure the memories are positive.

Communication is key when it comes to opening up your relationship to a third person. Don’t gloss over your wants and needs before you dive in to the experience. If you feel strongly that there shouldn’t be penetration for example, say so. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for resentments and jealousy. Laying down a basic set of guidelines allows more freedom in the moment.

Where To Find Your Third Wheel

It’s never been easier to find an adult playmate using the Internet, where you can send messages on dating sites such as OkCupid or Plenty of Fish, or go to ThreesomeDatingSite or Adult Friend Finder.  Be clear with your request, and expect some back and forth so that you can all get to know each other. You can use the acronyms MMF (male, male, female) or MFF, MMM and FFF (or any combination) to designate what kind of third you are seeking.

I recommend having a three-way ‘date’ ahead of time with no sexual expectations, so that you can discuss your fantasies and all parties can become comfortable with each other. This extra step makes the sexual anticipation and experience much more satisfying, as you’re all connecting on a deeper level. I’m not saying you have to be best friends (in fact, I discourage having sex with good platonic friends), but when you’ve spent some time and had a conversation together, even if briefly, things generally go much more smoothly in bed later.

Another alternative for finding a third is to go to a bar, swing club or even a BDSM dungeon with the intention of picking up another person who might be interested in participating in a consensual three-way experience. Clear communication is even more important in these settings at the beginning, as you don’t have the benefit of the website introduction to pave the way for your ultimate intention. But when in doubt, listen to your intuition and be on the side of caution as it’s better to be safe than sorry.


Make sure you talk about each person’s interests and desires, including boundaries and deal breakers about kissing, oral sex, intercourse, anal and sleepovers. It’s also a good idea to have a code word or signal for “STOP” that everyone understands, such as traffic light colors RED for STOP and GREEN for GO. In the heat of the moment, you might need a safe way to stop the action.

Try this WANT, WILL, WON’T exercise for sexual activities during the negotiation process. My clients have found it to be a very useful jumping off point for opening up the lines of communication and encouraging each party to fully express their desires and boundaries.

The first slide shows what the desires and boundaries mean, and the second slide is filled in with items from a sexual menu.

Will Want WontWill Want Wont 2

Dinner & Sexy Games

Planning a sexy night for three-way sex can be a lot of fun. Start by ordering everyone’s favorite food and arrange comfortable seating without a cumbersome table in the way. For some flirty conversation, try topics like turns on and turn offs, or show and tell.

Once things get sexy, you can begin to feed each other playfully and lick food off your partner’s body to entice the other person to join in. A little alcohol can also ease the tension and rev up the sex drive, but don’t pour the drinks too strong or too often because consent is sexy, and you want to make sure you’re enhancing your sex life, not creating drama.

Play some icebreaker adult games such as Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare or Strip Poker to get everyone in the mood for naughtiness. Be sure to have plenty of condoms, lube and some sex toys on hand to keep the party playful. Always change condoms when going from anal to vaginal and never share sex toys, so have plenty of each at hand. Use a new condom with each partner!

Take turns getting and giving a four handed massage to relax and then arouse by exploring all of the erogenous zones from head to toe. Organic coconut oil is smooth and silky on the skin, as is massage glide, or warming and cooling, can increase sensitivity and flavored massage products can be a tasty treat for the giver of pleasure, just as much as the receiver.

In The Moment

Say things to make your partner feel confident. Saying, “I love you,” “You’re such a great lover,” and other positive compliments can make your partner feel confident and secure, diminishing any competitive feelings they might have about the third person.

Never leave anyone out. You don’t want a threesome that’s unbalanced, where two people’s interactions dominate at the expense of the third. There’s always a way to expand your touch and attention to include that third person.

Make sure you have water nearby so that your mouth doesn’t get dry right when you want to kiss, lick or suck.

Positions For 1 Man, 2 Women

This is one of the top fantasies for men, but lots of women are game to let their man watch them with another woman. A hot sexual position is for the man to enter his partner in doggy style while she goes down on the other woman. Alternatively, he can be getting a blowjob from the new woman while his partner sits on his face. And of course there are endless combinations of 69-inspired positions to please everyone.

Positions for 1 Woman, 2 Men

This female sex fantasy can result in double penetration and one of the best positions for that is for one man to lay on his back so the woman can sit on him in cowgirl position while the other man inserts his penis from behind her for anal penetration, as she leans forward. This is known as an MFM threesome experience, and of course there are many other sexual positions that include oral pleasures for everyone.

The Role Of Sex Toys

Adding sex toys into your threesome can prolong the experience, add extra visual eroticism and playfulness. It can help women have orgasms more easily, and allow men to take the pressure off the demand on their erections. You can even consider giving your third a sex toy to take home as a memento of the occasion. Some of my favorite sex toys for threesomes are The Screaming O cock ring, We-Vibe wearable vibrator and of course, an adjustable strap-on with a harness.

Exploring Your Same Sex Fantasies

In a sexual threesome, the same sex parties are key in creating chemistry with each other. This is an exciting opportunity to explore same sex fantasies and try out experimentation that you’ve only dreamed of, such as tribbing between women and docking between men.

The Power Of Imaginary Threesomes

If you’re not ready to have another person participate in a three-way yet, then you can make this fantasy come true through the power of suggestion and lots of graphic dirty talk. Describe to each other what the third person would be doing, and how.

If you’re at a loss about how to get started, try using some of these phrases and fill in the blanks, directing your sexy language at your partner and your imaginary third as well.

It feels so good when you touch my__________.

Your ______________ is beautiful.

I want you to ___________ my _____________.

I love your ____________________.

My _______________is so______________.

_______________ me in the __________________.

You are so ______________________.

Pros & Cons Of A Threesome


Fun – Threesomes can be exciting and naughty, playful and thoroughly entertaining because of their taboo nature. You can expand your sexual horizons with erotic new visuals, new sexual positions and by discovering new erogenous zones.

Hormone boost – Threesomes get your feel-good hormones flowing from increased Testosterone to surging Dopamine.

Exploration – Same sex fantasies and two-on-one fantasies are very common and here’s your opportunity to make them come true.

Discovery – Discover new ways of touching and being touched, and new ways in which you like to be aroused.

Freedom – You can be uninhibited, making love ‘outside the box.’

Increased sex drive – more orgasmic intensity may result from the new excitement of a third partner.

Passion – Threesomes can rekindle passion in a predictable relationship.

Afterglow – You might feel more sexual satisfaction than you’ve ever experienced and want to do it again!


Jealousy – You might be afraid that your partner will get emotionally attached to the third person, or worry that they are a more skilled lover.

Performance issues – Men might have anxiety about getting an erection or keeping it up in front of two people at once.

Feelings of inadequacy – Men or women may feel intimidated by being ‘compared’ to another person physically or sexually.

Competition – Threesomes bring up issues of rivalry, where one party may engage in a sexual contest with another.

Awkwardness afterwards – Unless you’ve negotiated your ‘happy ending,’ there could be an awkward moment where no one knows what to do when the sex is over.

STDS – Expanding your sexual horizons also means expanding your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Always use condoms.

Embarrassment – Three people makes for more potential embarrassing noises and moments, but try to use a sense of humor to overcome any mishaps.

Look at this pros and cons list with your partner to help make the decision together about whether or not to try a threesome. Ask each other how important a threesome is, on a scale of one to ten, where ten means it’s a dealbreaker for the relationship.

Honor your partner’s feelings about the possibility, and understand that the answer may very well be “No” but if you do go forward as a couple, make sure that your own relationship foundation is strong and that you’re plan is to have well-intentioned sexy fun.

Stop Faking Orgasms

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Lots of women do it, and I’m here to tell you: STOP!

When we do not communicate our authentic sexual desires, it sends the wrong message to our partners. When we do not tell them exactly how we feel about our sexual experiences, both parties suffer. Our partner will think they are pleasing us when in fact they aren’t, and then in turn they will have no motivation to change their moves, making your orgasm even further away from reality!

The goal of sex and intimacy is to receive the most pleasure that we can from our sexual experience, and the most important factor in achieving this is to be responsible for our own pleasure! WE are responsible for our sexual pleasure. No one else. So with this in mind, why should you stop faking orgasms? Here are three excellent reasons:

1. Enhance Your Sexual Pleasure

Now I know at some point, we all have faked an orgasm! We laid there moaning and groaning and even making a face or two while our Beloved partners thought they were pleasing us when actually they were not. As a result, we left the experience feeling more frustrated and sometimes even hornier than before. But whose fault is that? Ours! Yup, ours! When we fake an orgasm, it sends a powerful message to our partner. It teaches them two things: that we were sexually satisfied and what they are doing sexually works for us. Once that message has been received by our partners, they will continue to operate in the same manner because they feel that they have been successful! If you want to experience real orgasms, then you must be willing to communicate your sexual desires.

2. Empowers You To Take Control

Communicating your sexual desires not only enhances your pleasure but it puts you in control of your experience. When we look to other people to satisfy us, we are often times left unfulfilled and even resentful. But who is to blame? We are! We have to be willing to speak up and advocate for our pleasure. We have to be courageous and bold enough to tell our partners, in a loving way of course, what’s working and what’s not working for us. We have to be able to say, “I love it when you do this. It feels so good and turns me on.” When you say things in a loving manner, you are less likely to bruise their ego, and more likely to build them up by telling them all the things that they are doing that make you feel good. The bottom line is that you’re more likely to get what you want every time!

3. Builds intimacy

Intimacy is so much more than hot, steamy sex! It is an essential building block of relationships, and the glue that binds two individuals together. It is a choice to expose the very depths of your mind, body, spirit and soul! When you make that choice, you reap the rewards of deeply shared experiences. Tell your partner if you’re not able to reach orgasm – I promise you that it will bring you closer together. It will infuse much more meaning and truth into being intimate in general in your relationship, including kissing, holding hands, eye contact and more. Expose your sexual vulnerability to build deep emotional connections.

The essence of communicating your sexual desire lies in your ability to be open, honest, and respectful of your partner. It also requires you to trust, feel safe and vulnerable enough within the context of your relationship to allow your Beloved to see the real you – because after all, your sexual desires define a significant part of who you are.

Get involved and participate in your pleasure instead of just lying there, hoping that your partner pleases you, which by the way is not their responsibility. We must show up and be present in every experience of our lives in order to reap the total benefits. Sexual activity is no different. At the end of the day, your partner is going to make sure that they are satisfied, so why wouldn’t you? So stop faking, start communicating and begin enjoying your sexual journey!

The Lowdown On Lust, Love, Romance, Desire, Passion & Intimacy

Love is easily one of the most complicated human experiences. It fully occupies our emotions, bodies and minds, and has many different incarnations. It can be confusing to navigate the world of human desire – from one-night-stands to committed relationships, nervous flirting to ‘comfort zone’ intimacy – and then there’s always the question of whether our partners feel the same way.

To alleviate some of the confusion, I’ve outlined some emotional and physical cues here to help you determine what you’re looking for or where your relationship is now. It’s related to my F.A.C.E.S. stages of relationships, which you can find in depth in my book Neuroloveology. Fascination, Adventure, Comfort, Energy & Success each come with their own unique cocktail of brain chemicals that give you a heady rush or a sense of deep bonding, depending on the stage.

Like Robert Sternberg’s “triangular theory of love,” which identifies Intimacy, Passion & Commitment as the three main components of love, it’s this interweaving of sexuality, emotional bonding and long-term attachment that make up a fully successful romantic relationship. However you label it, the main ingredients remain the same, and they govern our love lives. Read on to find out what’s happening to your emotions and your brain chemicals at each phase of love.

Romance is when –

  • You feel butterflies when you talk or see each other.
  • You want to do things to make each other happy.
  • You want to understand his or her mind and what makes it tick.
  • You want to spend as much time together as possible.
  • Your brain is reacting to pheromones, triggering attraction.

Desire is when –

  • You having a longing for another.
  • You want to experience a romantic and sexual journey together.
  • Your curiosity and erotic imagination for each other is fertile.
  • You can experience erotic connection together and separately.
  • Your body releases androgens (like testosterone) and / or estrogens, causing arousal to blossom.

Lust is when –

  • You have a longing for sex to fulfill your emotions.
  • You feel so horny you just want to get laid by someone.
  • You experience intense erotic fantasies with another.
  • Your ultimate goal is sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.
  • Your Desire ‘cocktail’ continues to arouse, adding in Nitric Oxide, which increases blood flow to the genitals.

Passion is when 

  • You intensely want someone physically and emotionally.
  • You create mystery and have confidence individually and together.
  • You have fun, laugh, and create surprises, novelty and playfulness.
  • You make love creatively and focus on each other’s pleasure.
  • Adrenaline is making you feel “madly in love.”

Intimacy is when –

  • You are comfortable sharing everything without any fear.
  • You show each other appreciation through words and actions.
  • You make a commitment to each other.
  • When your two hearts feel like one!
  • Your brain releases oxytocin, the bonding chemical.

Love is when –

  • You have a strong feeling of affection for another.
  • You want your beloved to express their love with words and actions.
  • Your partner brings out intimate communication, touching, kissing and spiritual connection within you.
  • You have the five ingredients of friendship, respect, trust, communication and passion for your love to last.
  • Your brain releases oxytocin (the bonding chemical) and vasopressin, the long-term commitment hormone.

It’s not rocket science, but it is scientific. Each stage of love delivers new sensations and experiences, and each one sparks a unique set of reactions in you and your partner. It’s all there for you to enjoy to the fullest.

I’m often asked about desire, what role it plays in relationships, and how to know what’s healthy on the spectrum of love, lust and intimacy. One quick exercise I give is to finish the sentences below, and then see for yourself if that fits your emotional and mental wellbeing. There are no wrong answers. I have filled in some possible responses to give you an idea of how to start.

I feel desirous when…

I love my body.

I feel confident.

I use my imagination.

When someone gives me compliments, etc.,

I turn off my desire when…

I don’t feel worthy to receive love or sexual pleasure.

When I feel judged, rejected or abandoned, etc.

Getting to know what you find sexy and what turns you on allows you to more easily find the partner that meets your sexual needs. And the best part is, you can create sentences like this about every stage of your relationship – from lust to intimacy – and create your unique love story and of course, happy ending!