Your judgment is irrelevant until you have walked in their shoes

Just listening can be the biggest impact on someone's next step they take.

My blog entries always correlate to a guest from my sex-positive Podcast, the Hankie Pankie Podcast. I do this for a number of reasons.  I am not and never have claimed to be an expert in all sex-positive fields such as BDSM, consensual non-monogamy, addiction, or any other alternative relationship styles.  Prior to bringing a guest on to my podcast for an interview, this is my way of educating myself in regard to their field of expertise.  It helps me to understand their lifestyle and the questions I have.   I want to gain a better understanding of their reasoning behind their choices or way of taking their life a different direction.  

I recently had the honor and privilege to have Sharon Mitchell come on and share her heartfelt story with me.  With a career in the Adult industry, spanning from 1975 to 2012 and appearing in over 400 films as well as becoming a member of the AVN Awards Hall of FameXRCO Hall of Fame, and founding the Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation (AIM), which tested talent in the industry, her story of triumph, perseverance, and tenacity is a lesson to anyone who feels they should just give up and throw in the towel.  

I had the honor of her trusting in me to share her battle with drug addiction and how she turned her negative experience with addiction into a positive career helping others, as an educator for youth in sexuality & drug treatment.

I often share during my interviews, that although I do not hold a degree as a therapist, psychologist, or sexologist, it is my belief that until you have walked in someone’s shoes in a specific situation, I do not believe you can council others and guide them to a different path.

Now, again this is just my belief.  I have never had to deal with drug addiction or the horrible memory of being sexually abused, so how can I help someone who is battling this if I have not experienced it on my own.

On the other hand, I have worked in the Adult Industry as a performer, and I have worked in a legal brothel.  I have experience in the Swinger Lifestyle as a participant,  a community owner, an event hostess, and a lifestyle coach.  I have witnessed marriage ends, heartache, and true love all in one 5 hour Lifestyle Event.

Every single one of us has our own unique story and one that should be told.  I am constantly encouraging my listeners to share their stories, as although, you may feel you have nothing someone can gain from hearing your story, I whole heartily, disagree.

We each have a situation someone can learn from and we must also learn that just the simple gesture of lending a listening ear, can make a huge impact on someone’s actions.  It takes a huge amount of courage and strength for Sharon to not only share her story with me and on-air with my listeners,  but to revisit the horrific night of her attack and what ultimately lead her to overcome her drug addiction.

Until you have walked in someone else’s shoes and experienced the challenges they are facing or have faced, you cannot make any type of judgment or assumptions.  You can offer your love and support and guidance to the best of your ability, but to make any sort of judgment is unfair and unacceptable.

The next time someone has the courage to confide in you, trust you or open up and ask for guidance, listen, do not judge, and just you taking a moment to listen and make an effort to understand their situation can make the biggest impact on the next decision they make.

Till next time,

Coralyn Jewel





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Coralyn Jewel is the author of the #1 International Best-Seller, When the Ice melts: The Story of Coralyn Jewel, an adult performer, retired competitive athlete, porn director, swinger club owner, fitness trainer, wedding planner, talent manager, voice-over actress, lifestyle coach, motivational speaker and podcast host of The Hankie Pankie Podcast. Coralyn Jewel portrays courage, determination and is a perfect example that reiterates to her readers, fans, and listeners, “Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover”. Join her journey through life as a sex worker in a world where judgment is human nature. Learn from her knowledge and experiences in the Swinger lifestyle world and the adult industry. Follow her coaching, training sessions, speaking engagements, and book signing schedule on as well as her social media and weekly Podcast and blog entries on


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