Question of the day:
Hi Taty! Here’s my question. My boyfriend and I have a fantasy about having a threesome, but I worry that if we really did it, it might create jealousy, or even break up our relationship. On the other hand, my boyfriend has been bugging me to do it. And, I have a girlfriend who is very keen to play with us. What should I do? Take a chance on a 3-way romance? Thanks <3
I want to start off by saying that I think it’s great that you’re open to threesomes! Sometimes they have a bad connotation, but I personally think that they could be good for anyone who enjoys sexual novelty. And you’re not alone in being curious about it. Sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller surveyed 4,175 Americans from all 50 states about their sexual fantasies for his book Tell Me What You Want and discovered that “having a threesome” was the most popular sexual fantasy among participants.
As for you and your boyfriend, be upfront about your expectations because what you want out of a threesome may not be what your boyfriend expects out of it.
Consider the dynamic of this sexual fantasy by answering the following questions:
- Do you want to be the center of attention during the threesome?
- Should all people be equally as involved or are there some acts that are off-limits between your boyfriend and your friend?
- How well does your boyfriend know your friend? Would it be ideal for all of you to hang out together in a casual setting first before the clothes come off or do you prefer to keep things more transactional?
- Are you all comfortable with having a conversation about your STI status and feelings concerning the use of barrier methods during the threesome?
- What about after-care? Let’s play devil’s advocate for a second and assume that you will get jealous. How would you want your boyfriend to cater to your needs emotionally afterward? How would you want your friend to respond?
Another thing to consider is testing the waters before actually going for it completely. I personally used to be reluctant about threesomes and group sex until I accidentally went to an orgy party after the AVN expo this year. Though I didn’t participate, being enthralled by all that sexual energy in the room was an unforgettable experience and changed my past negative outlook on threesomes and group sex into a positive one.
Ultimately, I think a threesome is worth exploring as long as you’ve given it enough thought and you’re 100% sure it’s what you want to do.
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