5 Tips for Discussing Your Sexual Fantasies With a Partner

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If the idea of sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner makes you squirm, I feel you. But fear not, I’ve got some tips that’ll make the sharing experience more comfortable than ever before. 

Some tips when discussing your sexual fantasies with a partner: communicate openly, start the conversation outside of the bedroom, tell them about the fantasy at an appropriate time, not mention the names of anyone you are fantasizing about, and take it slow. 

This article will go over five helpful tips that’ll prevent you from cringing every time you try to share your fantasies with your partner! 

Table of Contents

Open Communication Is Essential 

Sexual fantasies can be a lot of fun if both partners are on the same page. However, not being clear can leave you both feeling awkward, insecure, or even upset. 

To avoid this, you should be open with your partner about the fantasies you’d like to try with them. If they have any questions, answer them as clearly as you can. Additionally, you’ll need to take the time to discuss why, when, and how you’d like the fantasy to go down. If your fantasy isn’t fully formulated, that’s ok! Just communicate your feelings and desires with your partner, and you can work through the fantasy together. 

After telling your partner about your fantasy, they may tell you that they are uncomfortable with some aspects of it. While this may be a letdown for you, it’s crucial to be open and only try things you’re both comfortable with. Even if they aren’t excited about one of your fantasies, they may be really into another!

Don’t just assume your partner won’t be interested without finding out for sure! Your partner might totally be into something such as daring public orgasms with vibrating panties. Open communication gives you the chance to talk it out until you find a fantasy you are both enthusiastic about. 

Start the Convo When You Aren’t Between the Sheets

While you may think the best time to bring up your sexual fantasies is when you and your partner are all hot and bothered, it’s actually better to start the conversation outside of the bedroom. 

During the heat of the moment, your partner may agree to try fantasies they aren’t comfortable with or something they haven’t had time to contemplate fully. Or, they may react negatively to the request and shut down sexy time altogether. Therefore, you should discuss your fantasies when you are both calm (and clothed) so that you and your partner don’t rush into doing something you’ll regret later! 

Perhaps you could bring up your sexual ideas such as your pegging fantasy over breakfast one morning or while you guys are on an evening stroll. Bringing them up when you guys are calm and collected will allow everyone to think rationally and only participate in fantasies they genuinely want to try. 

Timing Is Key 

Make sure to explain the fantasy to your partner when everyone is relaxed, calm, and ready to communicate. Sharing your fantasy with your partner after they’ve had a long day at work is unlikely to go well. Even if they are interested in trying the sexual fantasy, they may respond negatively or be unresponsive because they aren’t in the right mental state. 

Additionally, you’ll need to consider what’s going on in your partner’s life and how that relates to your fantasy. Your Choosing an appropriate time to share your fantasies with your partner is key to making the experience more pleasurable for both parties. 

Don’t Mention Anyone’s Name 

If your fantasy involves your partner roleplaying as a sexy stranger or as the guy you had a crush on in high school, it’s best to leave the details in the dark. Just give your partner the gist of the situation and do not, for god’s sake, say the name of the person you are picturing them as.  

While you should always follow this rule if you are roleplaying as people you know, you may also want to follow it when you are roleplaying as people you don’t know, depending on how sensitive your partner is. If they will be hurt by you asking them to be Channing Tatum or Jennifer Lopez during your sexual fantasy, then it’s best not to make that request. 

Instead, give them a general role to play, such as a “sexy Hollywood actor” or a “powerful boss.” General roles aren’t hurtful, yet they still allow you to have the fantasy experience you seek! 

Take It Slow 

After you tell your partner about your sexual fantasy, you may think that the only thing left to do is put it into action. However, this isn’t true! Sometimes the experience will go more smoothly if you go slow and take the fantasy one step at a time. 

You and your partner could spend some time picking out new sex toys, selecting outfits, BDSM furniture, and other sexy props for the fantasy, for starters. Then, once you’re in the bedroom, you may want to start by watching porn related to fantasy. Or, maybe your partner’s dirty talk during sex will be focused on the fantasy topic. 

After trying out these lesser forms of your fantasy, you guys may realize that you don’t want to go all the way. Or, you may be chomping at the bit to put the entire fantasy into action! Either way, taking it slow will give you both time to get more comfortable with the fantasy and recognize your likes and dislikes. 


When you are sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner, you should: 

  • Communicate clear and openly about your fantasies.
  • Start the conversation outside of the bedroom.
  • Tell them about the fantasy at an appropriate time.
  • Don’t give them specifics about who the fantasy is about. 
  • Go slow and stop if anyone gets uncomfortable. 

I hope this article has helped make sharing your fantasies with your partner more effortless and pleasant than before! 



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