How To Have Wildly Pleasurable Sex

Many couples in long term relationships complain that their sex lives have become boring. And instead of trying to fix the problem, thousands of husbands (and wives) go on married cheater sites like Ashley Madison. (I once went on the site incognito to research the “married but dating” phenomena, only to discover my neighbor’s husband on there!)

But many of the married cheaters I spoke to were not interested in consensual swinging, which seems like a logical next step considering they were already banging someone else’s wife. Most of them found it more exciting to cheat behind their spouse’s back! But for those who want to save their marriage without bringing other people into it, here are some tips to keep your sex life wild, fun, and more pleasurable for you. Some of these tips are from swingers and people in BDSM, because, well swingers have the most sex and BDSM’rs have some of the wildest.

–Go out of your comfort zone and try something different. But DISCUSS the weird shit you would like to do first. People into BDSM who do the most extreme stuff discuss it all beforehand. They just don’t do a surprise anal attack or a threesome and expect the other person to be into it. They practically choreograph the sexual activities they are about to do before they do them.

–The performers at San Francisco kink palace have a “Yes”, “No”, and “Maybe” form that they fill out before every scene. You and the person you are having sex with should each write down 5 sexual fantasies or activities you’ve always wanted to try, then exchange them to see if anything matches. Otherwise, you may never know that your partner secretly wants group sex in the hot tub.

–Take a few minutes to write down the two things that the other person does (or doesn’t do) that really bothers you, that you never talk about. (And agree not to get mad at each other beforehand.) The other person might be shocked. For example, a huge number of men suffer from premature ejaculation, so when the sex is over in two minutes, there is no pleasure for her, resentment builds up, now she’s mad it him, and doesn’t exactly want to have sex all the time. (There are a number of solutions for this including promescent de-sensitizing cream and kegel exercises.) Or for a quick fix, the “private gym” which is like a gym for his penis. This wake-up call could save your sex life.

— Or maybe she likes to be touched more during sex. In that case asking for a brief back massage might do the trick; she will feel more relaxed and more interested in sex. Erotic massage is the secret of the swingers! And tantric sex practioners. Nobody has wild sex when they’re stressed or uptight. Relaxation=wilder sex.


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Anka Radakovich is a legendary Sex Columnist, Certified Sexologist, Sex Educator, Screenwriter, and Author of the book THE WILD GIRLS CLUB, PART 2, Tales from New York to Hollywood. THE WILD GIRLS CLUB, Part 2 is her third book. Her first two books, The Wild Girls Club; Tales from below the Belt, and Sexplorations; Journeys to the Erogenous Frontier were both published by Crown/Random House. She was the Sex Columnist for DETAILS Magazine for 9 years and currently writes columns for and Los Angeles Magazine. Her writing has appeared in dozens of magazines including Marie Claire, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Harper’s Bazaar, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Men's Journal, Seventeen, Glamour, and Maxim. She has appeared on numerous television shows including 8 appearances with Conan O’Brien. She was a Jeopardy question under the category “Men’s Mags.” As a Sex Educator and Sexologist, she is a college lecturer at Universities throughout the country who offers her unique brand of sex education. Follow her on Twitter @ankarad.


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