The Girls’ Guide to Initiating Sex

A couple of Saturdays ago, we spent part of the afternoon sitting on the couch listening to a webcast for an online class my lover is taking. William Faulkner’s Light in August made for both spicy subject matter and a deeply academic and analytical lecture.

When the webcast was over, my lover leaned back into his corner of the sofa with one leg splayed on the sofa cushions and the other flailing on the floor in a post-lecture/post-brunch semi coma. I took the opportunity to unbuckle his belt, slide down his boxers and his slacks, and gave him quite a delicious blow job. I didn’t ask if he wanted one and he didn’t object.

Often times it’s hard to know which one of us initiates sex. It really doesn’t matter. We both seem to know when the time is right. But like most men, he loves it when I initiate sex.

I know that many women are hesitant to initiate sex. They’re afraid that their lovers, boyfriends or husbands will question their morals or character, but men want to know that they’re attractive, lusted after, and desired, too. They also want to feel that seduction isn’t always their job.

The simple gesture of pulling him by the hand and telling him, “Let’s go upstairs,” will always work, but there are other more creative ways of letting him know that you want him.

Here are a few sassy and classy ideas to try …

Text Him

Send him a message while he’s at work or somewhere not nearby and type, “I want you.” Depending on your guy, a message like, “I want you to fuck my brains out,” works, too. To amp up the urgency, send him a text at a most inopportune time like when he’s at a meeting. As soon as he comes over, he’ll be ready.

Be Fierce

As soon as he walks into the door, grab him by the shirt collar, nail him against the nearest wall, press your body against his, and kiss him hard. Chances are, you’ll feel him get hard in an instant.

Tell Him What You’re Wearing (or Not Wearing)

Let’s say the two of you are out to dinner. After the first cocktail (or whenever you feel is an appropriate time), lean across the table and whisper, “Guess what? I’m not wearing panties.” I guarantee that you’ll both want to skip dessert.

Play Footsies

This is a favorite of mine. I don’t know why, but my lover gets the message, even if he can’t show or say “Yes, yes, YES!” in public (like in a restaurant). The last time I did this, we were sitting on the balcony while he was puffing on what likes to call his seegar and I on an after-dinner cocktail. When I noticed that he was getting toward the end of his cigar, I slipped off my shoe, snuck my bare foot under the hem of his slacks, and slid it up and down the back of his thigh. It set a rather tantric mode for the sex that ensued right after, although I think we were both already in that state of mind.

Try the Cliched

For years there have versions of a list of ways a man has to get a woman in the mood for sex. At the end of the list, there’s a one-line instruction of what a woman has to do to turn on a man: Show up naked and bring beer. I’m sure the beer is optional. If it isn’t, stick it in the fridge so it stays cold while the both of you are hot.

If you don’t want to show up naked, I’m sure showing up in sexy lingerie will work, too.


Previously published at-

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Bobby Morgan was a prolific and dedicated sex blogger, sexuality advocate and beditor-in-chief at A Good Woman's Dirty Mind (2012-2015), as well as creator of #AdultSexEdMonth (2013-2015). She was well loved and know by the sex-positive educator's community. She died suddenlt in 2015 at the age of 52, leaving a large body of work behind her. Before she died, she made me an Admin of her FB page, and gave me permission to syndicate her articles. So much of her writing still resonates today, so I am making her work available via Sexpert to share with a larger audience. "[My blog] was built on the inspiration of the love affair of a lifetime between me and my lover, Parrot... If only we could teach, bottle, sell or share our secrets of our great sex, romance and relationship, more people would be happier and more fulfilled. Like the way Parrot and I talk with each other, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is open, frank, and nakedly explicit in the way it talks about sex and relationships... In short, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is all about real sex — and really great sex at that — for real people." Website:



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