How To Defeat Passion Assassins

How to Defeat the Passion Assassins & Reconnect Mentally, Physically and Emotionally

First, you’ve got to create an environment that is stress free. Women especially need a clean environment. Wired to be caretakers, they can feel the stress of not having tidy surroundings. Yale professor Amy Arnsten calls this need the “Goldilocks of the Brain.” In order to function at an optimal level, the pre-frontal cortex needs things “just right.”

There are several brain chemicals that come in to play during a relationship. Knowing what triggers their release is an important part of romance.

Once you have created a non-stressful environment, the release of dopamine motivates our pleasure and reward center in our brain.

Oxytocin is an important feel-good hormone that lowers stress. This is also known as the love hormone and can be easily triggered with a six-second hug.

  • Women’s highest level of oxytocin is actually during breastfeeding, eye-contact and cuddling.
  • In general, levels of oxytocin are lower in men, except after an orgasm, where they are raised more than 500 percent. This may explain why men feel very sleepy after an orgasm.

Intention Neuro-cise for Couples: Many times when partners come together for intimacy they each bring with them a gaggle of invisible thought balloons that hover around and between them, making the attempt to connect feel like “one more thing that needs my attention.” Try this as a way to shoo those mind distractions away:

 Reduce as many external distractions as possible. Tidy up, turn off the TV, silence your phone, turn off the computer and turn the clock away from you.

  1. Sit facing each other and take a few deep breaths with eye contact until your breathing is synchronized and you are looking into each others soul through the eyes.
  2. Then rub your own hands together to create warmth.
  3. Raise your hands and place them palm-to-palm against your partner’s for an energetic connection.
  4. Make an imaginary Intention Circle around you both and take turns throwing things out of the circle that no longer serve your relationship, such as jealousy, impatience or even the TV remote control.
  5. Bring positive intentions in one at a time that will enrich your relationship, such as more romance, deeper communication, forgiveness and whatever gifts you want to make your love life even more playful.

For further details get my book NeuroLoveology, The Power to Mindful Love & Sex in Chapter Seven: Passion Assassins

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Dr. Ava Cadell is America’s #1 Sexpert as a Clinical Sexologist, Sex Counselor, Founder of Loveology University & President of the American College of Sexologists International. Author of 9 books including the upcoming Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga, Dr. Ava is also a sought after media therapist & global speaker; her mission is to empower people to overcome sexual guilt & shame so they can enjoy the benefits of healthy, sexual relationships. Find her at


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