Stop Faking Orgasms

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Lots of women do it, and I’m here to tell you: STOP!

When we do not communicate our authentic sexual desires, it sends the wrong message to our partners. When we do not tell them exactly how we feel about our sexual experiences, both parties suffer. Our partner will think they are pleasing us when in fact they aren’t, and then in turn they will have no motivation to change their moves, making your orgasm even further away from reality!

The goal of sex and intimacy is to receive the most pleasure that we can from our sexual experience, and the most important factor in achieving this is to be responsible for our own pleasure! WE are responsible for our sexual pleasure. No one else. So with this in mind, why should you stop faking orgasms? Here are three excellent reasons:

1. Enhance Your Sexual Pleasure

Now I know at some point, we all have faked an orgasm! We laid there moaning and groaning and even making a face or two while our Beloved partners thought they were pleasing us when actually they were not. As a result, we left the experience feeling more frustrated and sometimes even hornier than before. But whose fault is that? Ours! Yup, ours! When we fake an orgasm, it sends a powerful message to our partner. It teaches them two things: that we were sexually satisfied and what they are doing sexually works for us. Once that message has been received by our partners, they will continue to operate in the same manner because they feel that they have been successful! If you want to experience real orgasms, then you must be willing to communicate your sexual desires.

2. Empowers You To Take Control

Communicating your sexual desires not only enhances your pleasure but it puts you in control of your experience. When we look to other people to satisfy us, we are often times left unfulfilled and even resentful. But who is to blame? We are! We have to be willing to speak up and advocate for our pleasure. We have to be courageous and bold enough to tell our partners, in a loving way of course, what’s working and what’s not working for us. We have to be able to say, “I love it when you do this. It feels so good and turns me on.” When you say things in a loving manner, you are less likely to bruise their ego, and more likely to build them up by telling them all the things that they are doing that make you feel good. The bottom line is that you’re more likely to get what you want every time!

3. Builds intimacy

Intimacy is so much more than hot, steamy sex! It is an essential building block of relationships, and the glue that binds two individuals together. It is a choice to expose the very depths of your mind, body, spirit and soul! When you make that choice, you reap the rewards of deeply shared experiences. Tell your partner if you’re not able to reach orgasm – I promise you that it will bring you closer together. It will infuse much more meaning and truth into being intimate in general in your relationship, including kissing, holding hands, eye contact and more. Expose your sexual vulnerability to build deep emotional connections.

The essence of communicating your sexual desire lies in your ability to be open, honest, and respectful of your partner. It also requires you to trust, feel safe and vulnerable enough within the context of your relationship to allow your Beloved to see the real you – because after all, your sexual desires define a significant part of who you are.

Get involved and participate in your pleasure instead of just lying there, hoping that your partner pleases you, which by the way is not their responsibility. We must show up and be present in every experience of our lives in order to reap the total benefits. Sexual activity is no different. At the end of the day, your partner is going to make sure that they are satisfied, so why wouldn’t you? So stop faking, start communicating and begin enjoying your sexual journey!

Previous articleMuseum of Sex Rebrands How We View Sex
Next articleHow Not To Get “Catfished” While Dating Online
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a certified clinical sexologist, sex therapist, best selling author and powerful motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara- Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Dr. TaMara is the National Correspondent and a “Thought Leader” for the Association of Black Sexologist and Clinicians. She is also a member of the American College of Sexologists International. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook at LIFE by Dr. TaMara or Instagram, or her Live Inspired Feel Empowered (L.I.F.E.) blog Join Dr. TaMara movement of Healthy Sexuality #HowDareINot #ISaveLives


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here