Virtual Sex: The Dos and Don’ts

With more ways than ever to get down with your partner or someone you’re interested in from afar — that is, with all different mediums in which to have some sexy time with anyone in the world at the click of a button, there are bound to be some missteps involved with what’s being passed around.

There are also bound to be some major turn-ons associated with sexual activity that doesn’t have to be in person because that is the time when you can fully embrace your fantasies. There are secrecy and exposure involved in virtual sex that is in one way risky and another totally hot and anonymous. And now it’s easier (and in some ways safer) than it’s ever been.

The internet is one of the most massive and widely-used wish-granting tools in the modern world. No wonder we use it for ordering something as simple as groceries to buying the quintessential sex toy to searching for a third to join you and your partner for some discreet and sexy fun. However, for as many positives that the internet gives us, there’s just as much danger in what can be taken away, most obviously being one’s privacy.

With all of these new ways of transmitting our desires to one person or a whole group of them, you’re going to want to find ways to keep yourself protected however you can. So, you’ll need to be smart about the ways in which you’re having virtual sex. While it can be plenty of fun, it can also be unsafe.

That’s not to say that you need to give up all the ways in which you sext or video chat your long-distance lover, you’ll just need to have plenty of trust and communication built into these exchanges. You won’t want these photos or videos getting into the wrong hands.

Just like the real thing — if you’re having virtual sex, do it safely! Here are the dos and don’ts when dabbling with virtual sex.

Do Celebrate Your Body

Not only can virtual sex and sexting be a total turn on for the people involved, but it can also be a great way to celebrate your body (or to compliment your partners’!). First things first, there are tasteful ways to compose a nude. You can add some soft lighting, gorgeous lingerie, and angle the photo to best flatter your body. If you’re male-bodied, there are also nice ways to frame a photo without simply sending a picture of what you’re working with down below. Be creative! Don’t be shy!

Do Share Safely

It can be pretty risky to share explicit photos or videos with a complete stranger. If you are interested in this kind of anonymity though, just know that there are ways to keep yourself protected even when you’re having some virtual sexy time with someone you don’t know that well.

One of the first platforms that allowed for some secrecy when it came to exchanging photos and videos was Snapchat, who allowed to users send photos and videos with specific time limits and also had the ability to disappear after being seen by the user. The sender was notified, however, if the image had been screenshotted or else otherwise compromised.

There are a few ways in which you can send explicit content that will disappear after the recipient has viewed it. If you’re using iMessage, audio can disappear (for those moments in which you want to send some moans along) after a specific and brief amount of time.

These pieces of naughty evidence will still exist somewhere (like your partners’ favorites folder), but you will have more control knowing that it won’t be easily spread around. If you want to take an even safer avenue though, you can use certain protected apps or servers that only a password can give access to, you can make sure that your face or voice are not recognizable in the content, or and above all, you can share this content only with someone you know and trust.

Do Delete

Once you’ve sent a particularly explicit message, you won’t want to keep it around in case you lose track of your phone or laptop and you risk this private data being exposed. If you’re interested in keeping this explicit content for later, (whether it is yours or something that was sent to you, there are so many vorgasms to be had) then you can put it in a hidden folder (which can even be protected with a password) if you don’t want to delete them outright.

If you’ve sent any of these naughty tidbits to any former partners, ensure that they delete the content so they can’t use it for later, or in any type of revenge porn scenario. The worst outcome that could potentially come from virtual sex is that your body or private intimacy will be shared without your consent. Luckily, the legal system is catching up to this phenomenon, and will likely have your back if a situation gets out of hand.

Don’t Send Unless You’re Sure

The same as in person, don’t let anyone pressure you into virtual sex. If you’re not comfortable sharing images, videos, or audio that could be explicit, then don’t do it! If virtual sex is something that turns you on and you’re interested in exploring, then by all means try it (preferably with someone you know), but don’t do so just because someone is pressuring you. You don’t have to share any part of your body or yourself that you aren’t comfortable sharing.

Don’t Send Unsolicited

If you and a partner or potential love interest are getting hot and heavy with sexting and sharing photos, then it’s definitely time to up your game. Send the best photo you can to keep the momentum going. If you’re texting with a stranger or someone who has not expressed romantic or sexual interest in you, safe to say that you shouldn’t be sending that nude unsolicited.



  1. […] both of you are at work during the day, you can send each other kinky messages and photos secretly. It may go against office rules, but being able to talk about sex at work […]


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