How To Find Your Spouse Online

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Who says you can’t find your spouse on a dating site? Well, many do and the statistics back that up. But, on the rare occasion marriages are made. Such is the case with Josh Widmer, a 41-year-old computer programmer from Ohio, and Ekaterina (Kate) Widmer, a 37-year-old physical therapist from Siberia who met on the leading international dating site,, which matches men interested in dating European women.

I caught up with the newlyweds a few weeks ago at the 17th annual Gumball 3000, a car rally that ran through Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, and Amsterdam and then onto the U.S. through Reno, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Death Valley, and Las Vegas. We were all a part of Team Anastasia Date and Team Asian Date riding in 1969 Camaro Z/28s, so I naturally grilled them about finding love on a dating site. Here are their tips on how to create an online dating profile that will find you true love – not a hookup or casual affair.

Tip 1: Get Specific

Going the niche route worked for Josh and Kate. There’s something to be said for using a highly specific dating site to find exactly what you want. It’s gone beyond J-Date and Christian Mingle on the religious side, and into such specific areas like Gluten Free Singles, Veggie Date, Farmers Only, Black People Meet, Date Skaters, Date My Pet — the list goes on. “Knowing exactly the type of person you want before going onto the site and looking around helps keep your focus,” says Josh.

Tip 2: Smile for the Camera

A good mix of photos is the key to any great online profile, yet so many daters still make the same mistakes over and over. Don’t post photos of you in groups where we can’t tell which one you are. Don’t post photos wearing sunglasses or that are overly filtered. “It’s important to have one good close-up so you can really see what they look like,” says Kate. “And, a good mix of photos that show personality – show your hobbies, or at work, or if you have a pet, and a variety of casual clothes with your business clothes.” Since Josh was looking for a wife and not a hook-up, he especially liked that Kate didn’t post any photos that were too revealing.

Tip 3: Complete Your Profile

Yes, it’s tedious. Yes, it’s time consuming. But those hundreds of questions that sites such as OkCupid have you answer are there for a reason: To match you with someone who thinks like you do. “I was happy that Josh answered all of the questions and our answers matched up. Don’t skip any of them. Don’t just put yes or no. If there is space to explain then write a short answer but not too long. The most important thing to me was that Josh and I answered the important questions the same way, especially ‘What are you looking for’ because we were both looking for a serious relationship,” says Kate. “It was important that we both knew up front that we wanted to get married and have kids one day. You need to be upfront about that so you don’t waste anyone’s time,” says Josh.

Tip 4: Share a Video

Anyone can sound good on paper and look good with the right angle, lighting, and filter. That’s why more often than not I barely recognize my dates from their photos because they have some crafty photographic skills. But, video hides nothing. If the site has an option to post a video of yourself, prioritize that over anything else. “Kate had a short video of herself that I really liked. I got to really see her personality and what she does for a living and a lot more detail about her,” says Josh.

Tip 5: Talk Don’t Text

Bonding behind a computer screen gives us a false sense of intimacy and security. Instead of messaging or texting for days, weeks, or months only to get “catfished” in the end or find that you don’t have any real life chemistry, pick up the phone ASAP. “He didn’t waste time. He sent me a quick message saying he liked my profile and after a few emails, he said he’d call and he did. We weren’t in the same country, so we used Skype first and really got a feel for one another,” says Kate.

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With her provocative writing style and penchant for in-depth research, Carrie Borzillo has earned renown and respect over her 20 years as a music and entertainment journalist. Her talents and passion for pop culture have also resulted in three critically-acclaimed books: Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day by Day Chronicle (Carlton Books, 2000; re-issued to commemorate the 20th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's passing in 2014 as Nirvana: In the Words of the People Who Were There; Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2008), and Tera Patrick's Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love and Porn (Gotham/Penguin, 2010). A bona fide rock chick from birth, Carrie started her music journalism career at age 17. She covered the local music scene in her home state of Connecticut before graduating to publications such as Billboard, Spin and She has also covered celebrities, television, and music for People, E! Online, Us Weekly, and Teen People, and has penned cover stories for Billboard, TeenPeople, CosmoGirl! and Hit Parader. She has also written about sex advice columns for Gene Simmons’ Tongue magazine, SuicideGirls, and THC Expose magazine, and has appeared as a sexpert on national shows such as “Loveline” with Dr. Drew, Playboy Radio, and others. She currently writes about sex and relationships for Men's Health, Sphere, and others.


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