Edging: What Is It & How Can I Do It?

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Edging, or orgasm control, has been popping up in mainstream culture more and more recently, but what is it exactly? And, more importantly, how can it be used to not only improve your sex life, but also to turn up the kink?


The reasons for edging are several: it can be used to prolong the duration of self-pleasure or lovemaking, and many find that when they do eventually orgasm, it’s a much stronger, more intense sensation. Edging also has a much kinkier benefit if you and your partner are into BDSM. ‘Orgasm Denial’ is an extremely common aspect of Dominant/submissive play, where the Dominant will bring their submissive to the edge of orgasm then ‘go back to 0.’ Contrary to what some of the books in the 50 Shades series would have you think, this is actually harder than it seems.


First, let’s talk about edging in terms of controlling your own orgasm. It is easiest to practice this control on your own for a few reasons. It not only takes an intimate knowledge of your body and how it responds to stimulation, but also a great deal of control. Most of us have become proficient at making ourselves orgasm by masturbation.  Because of this, it can take some effort to force yourself out of the practice of doing what feels exactly right and coming as quickly as possible.

To practice, try switching up your usual habits. If you’re used to using a powerful vibrator like a wand, it may be too strong of a sensation when you are just starting to practice, so switch to a lighter speed. Try using your favorite rabbit vibrator on a different pattern, or if you always make counter-clockwise circles on your clitoris with your left hand, try going the other way, using your right hand. It can be frustrating (but that’s kind of the point.)

Many people also find that using deep-breathing techniques helps to relax and center your mind as you concentrate on the phases of your orgasm as it builds. You can practice vocalizing (“I’m about to come”) which may seem silly, but it will be very helpful when practicing with a partner. All this practice with yourself will help you figure out how to control your orgasm, but you will need to help your partner understand your signals as well. Show them! Mutual masturbation is a great way to learn more about each other’s bodies and orgasms, and it’s invaluable if you want to practice edging, orgasm control, with each other.

Once you get to the point to practice on each other, it may be helpful (and sexier) to use restraints to tie them up and then use a powerful wand massager on them to bring them close to climax, back off, and then repeat for as long as they can handle it.


Many men will already be somewhat familiar with edging (or, ‘thinking about baseball’) as a way of making sure they can please their female partners for an extended period of time, but sharing your orgasm signals with each other not only helps you both better understand what the perfect pleasure is for each other, but also opens the door for some pretty kinky play. Have fun!

Source: Katy Thorne for Volonte by Lelo, Kymbra’s Closet

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Tamara Bell holds a BS in Business Management. She is the founder of the Home Pleasure Party Plan Association, LLC., where she helps party plan business owners grow their business. She is the owner of a Love Coaching practice in Yuma, AZ, where she has been educating women and couples on ways to enhance their relationship for over 28 years. She has participated as a V-Day vendor for 10 years, helping colleges raise money for various non-profit organizations. Tamara has presented at the University of Pacific in Stockton’s Women’s Conference for the past 8 years educating students, educators and faculty on various issues relating to sex, romance and relationships. Her understanding of love and romance has enabled her marriage to reach its 34-year mark. She is also a Death Doula, after loosing her husband she wanted to help others dealing with a loss. Tamara is available for public speaking, media, product endorsements, and one on one private sessions. For a private session with Tamara the options are in person, phone, Skype, or email.


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