One of my life goals is to help couples discover their compatibilities in order to enrich their sex lives. In my decades-long private practice, I’ve helped many people who didn’t know how to relate to each other, mostly because they were speaking their own language instead of learning the language of their partner. So I developed a unique sexual personality to enhance a much more fulfilling love life mentally, physically and sexually.
This work is what inspired me to start my ongoing research project on sexual compatibility which has reached over 2,500 participants since 2015. Please take a moment to take my anonymous survey here. We don’t collect IP addresses or e-mails – it’s completely private so that individuals feel free to express their true feelings. Plus, it’s fun to answer the questions and think about your own preferences and desires! I encourage you to add to this valuable study.
Here are some of the questions in the survey that are answered on a rating scale, to give you an idea of how we’re trying to categorize behavior to come up with compatibility solutions:
- How important is it that your long-term partner is good in bed?
- Do you like to plan your sexual activity?
- How do you express love?
- How much do you enjoy the following acts? Erotic embrace while dressed, deep kissing, stroking your sexual partner’s genitals, giving or receiving oral sex, favorite intercourse positions, anal sex.
The study is based on psychology’s well-established ‘Big Five’ personality traits called OCEAN (Open, Conscientious, Extroverted, Agreeable, Neurotic) which began with the research of D. W. Fiske (1949) and was continued by other researchers including Norman (1967), Smith (1967), Goldberg (1981), and McCrae & Costa (1987).
Here are some brief descriptions of the five sexual personalities I created based on the ‘Big Five’ psychological personality types. Read them all and see what jumps out at you as familiar or not ‘you’ at all. Find yourself and your partner in these personality types, and choose more than one if you like! It’s all about figuring out who you are and how to successfully communicate with others. There are more detailed descriptions in my free e-book Your Sexual Personality: Find and Keep Your Perfect Match.
OCEAN Sexual Personalities
If you have an Open personality, you are creative and outgoing sexually. You feel comfortable giving the kind of love you would like to receive and are more likely to have adventurous fantasies like threesomes, domination or exhibitionism.
Conscientious lovers are the most mindful, and pay attention with all of their five senses. If you’re sexually conscientious, you are more likely to believe that relationships can be “worked on” to achieve compatibility. You require a higher level of trust before becoming intimate with someone, and are more likely to be turned off by the idea of someone else finding your partner sexy.
Sex with an Extroverted person is energetic and exciting as they enjoy risky sex locales and erotic communication. If you are an extrovert sexually, you’re more likely to be the one who initiates sex and more likely to enjoy sex acts others may consider taboo, like group sex or BDSM.
Agreeable personalities in bed are passionate and loveable with lots of enthusiasm to please their lover. If you’re an Agreeable lover, you are the most likely of all the personalities to be turned on by taking a romantic bath, dancing or sharing meals, and are more likely to express your love through compliments.
Neurotic lovers can be the wildest sexually or the least sexual, depending upon their mood, as they are highly emotional and sensitive. If you are considered a Neurotic sexual personality, you are significantly less willing to talk about your desires and you have difficulty expressing your love. You are less likely to be the one who says, “I love you” first in a relationship.
Did you recognize yourself? Many people find they are a combination of personalities, with some traits from one type and others from another. So what can we do with this information? My e-book also gives you lots of sexy tips for each personality type, but here are a few at-a-glance ideas you can use at home today to spice up your sex life.
If You Are Sexually Open…
Feed your sexual appetite and increase intimacy with new sexual activities you haven’t tried, whether it’s Tantric sex or sensual BDSM power play. Striptease is also a great option for you since you have fewer inhibitions. Even if your partner is not as open as you are, they might enjoy the show! For some Open couples, inviting a third into the mix can also be an appealing idea. Sexually Open and Agreeable people are most compatible because both types are able to give the kind of sex that they need for satisfaction.
If You Are Sexually Conscientious…
Build romance with a bubble bath after a stressful day, followed by an erotic massage or mutual masturbation to promote sexual health and wellbeing. Add erotic talk for orgasmic intensity! As a sexually Conscientious person, you might enjoy taking sexy selfies and sending them to your lover in a ‘for your eyes only’ message that gives them a thrill and makes you feel valued and loved. A Conscientious lover with another Conscientious or an Agreeable lover offers the most compatibility because they are both more likely to express their feelings.
If You Are Sexually Extroverted…
You find it easy to talk about your sex fantasies, especially to another Extrovert, or an Open person, who are your best sex matches. Since you are more likely to make the first move initiating sex, be sure to find out your lover’s boundaries on any unexplored erotic desires you want to explore. You are more likely to enjoy a game of strip poker or be on board to discover his P-spot or her G-spot during sex. Role-playing games may also excite you, for example pretending to be strangers at a bar, and going home together as if you’ve never met!
If You Are Sexually Agreeable…
As the most flexible lover of all the personalities, work on getting your sexual needs met by stating your desires through dirty talk. As you’re likely turned on by erotic visuals, ask your lover to do a striptease and masturbate for your voyeuristic pleasure before having sex.
As an Agreeable, you can create a sex match with anyone – even a Neurotic lover can fall in love or lust with you. Try giving or receiving an erotic massage with a happy ending.
If You Are Sexually Neurotic…
For great sexual experiences, focus your attention on pleasing your lover before yourself. And before sex, have a date that involves laughter such as watching a funny movie or going to a comedy club, as this will access parts of your brain that will help you to relax before sex. Masturbation is a surefire winner for your personality type, and you can work on letting that extend into your sexual relationship as mutual masturbation. Sexually Neurotic people are most compatible with Agreeable personalities.
No matter which sexual personality type or combination of types describe you and your partner, have fun exploring your compatibilities together. And remember, every couple can learn from each other, whether the compatibility test says you’re a good match or not. If you have chemistry, you can train each other to express love in the way that you both want and need for a fulfilling relationship. Just taking the test and reading the e-book will make you feel more empowered with the knowledge that communication is something you can improve.