With her provocative writing style and penchant for in-depth research, Carrie Borzillo has earned renown and respect over her 20 years as a music and entertainment journalist. Her talents and passion for pop culture have also resulted in three critically-acclaimed books: Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day by Day Chronicle (Carlton Books, 2000; re-issued to commemorate the 20th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's passing in 2014 as Nirvana: In the Words of the People Who Were There; Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star(Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2008), and Tera Patrick's Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love and Porn (Gotham/Penguin, 2010). A bona fide rock chick from birth, Carrie started her music journalism career at age 17. She covered the local music scene in her home state of Connecticut before graduating to publications such as Billboard, Spin and RollingStone.com. She has also covered celebrities, television, and music for People, E! Online, Us Weekly, and Teen People, and has penned cover stories for Billboard, TeenPeople,CosmoGirl! and Hit Parader. She has also written about sex advice columns for Gene Simmons’ Tongue magazine, SuicideGirls, and THC Expose magazine, and has appeared as a sexpert on national shows such as “Loveline” with Dr. Drew, Playboy Radio, and others. She currently writes about sex and relationships for Men's Health, Sphere, and others.
Before I stepped into “Snake Charming” class on my trip to Hedonism II, the clothing optional, adults only resort in Negril, Jamaica, I thought there is no way I’m going to learn anything new. At the risk of sounding cocky, my boyfriend says my hand-job skills are quite epic.
But, we were at Hedo to try new things, like going nude 24/7, having sex on the beach, and taking the weeklong courses in Tantric sex for couples. So, epic skills aside, we gave it a go.
Well, kudos to Kim and Brad Walker of Houston, Texas-based Tantric Hearts, who have been teaching tantric sex and couples workshops at Hedonism II for 17 years, for proving me oh so wrong. They taught this old dog a few new tricks – 16 new tricks in fact, five of which I’ll share in detail.
During class we learned how to massage the penis with the Thank U, Sausage Roll, Polish the Helmet, The OK, Windshield Wiper, Fire Starter, Ring N Tickle, Peace Grip, Thumb PPT (PPT=Pressure Point), Knuckle PPT, Bendy Thing, Sextension, Press N Pull, Peace Press (not to be confused with the aforementioned Peace Grip), Vas Press, and the Thumbs Up.
Here are five of my boyfriend’s favorites:
Put oil on your man’s belly just above the pubic bone and pull gently down on his scrotum. With your hand placed flat on the outside shaft of his penis, you move the penis from left to right like a windshield wiper (the oil helps it glide with ease). This one evoked a bit of a giggle from us. My boyfriend thought it was “exciting” because it was new, but didn’t quite love it as much as other techniques.
Make the “OK” sign with your thumb and first finger in the shape of a circle and your remaining fingers straight up and place the tip of the penis in the circle. Focus the massage on the ridge and tip of the head. Some men are too sensitive for this, so be aware of how your partner is responding.
Grasp the base of his cock with one hand and layer your other hand in a grip on the top of his penis so that the edges of your fists are touching. Hold this penis tightly, but don’t squeeze too hard. Stroke the penis with both hands going in unison up and down. This makes a guy with a small penis feel bigger.
Polish the Helmet
Grasp the penis tightly with a full-hand grip. As you are stroking it up and down, place your other hand over the tip of the penis with the head in the middle part of the inside of hand and move that hand in circles. It helps if the inside of that hand is oil-ed up. It’s kind of like the thing we all did as kids where you’re patting your hand and circling your belly to test your coordination.
Don’t attempt this dry! Coconut oil is your best friend here or you can cause some serious friction to your man’s skin. Place one hand on one side of the penis and the other on the other side and move your hands back and forth as if you are starting a fire with a stick, or when one rubs their hands together to generate heat. This works best when the penis is placed between closed-fingers so that the fingers feel like ridges.
Is anyone really embarrassed to buy condoms at the store anymore? Apparently so. If you search Google for “too embarrassed to buy condoms” 1.76 million results appear. You’ll find countless articles titled along the lines of “How To Buy Condoms Discreetly” or “10 Things More Embarrassing Than Buying Condoms,” and terrified teens tearing up the message boards on Reddit and Yahoo! Answers with cries for help like “I’m too embarrassed to buy condoms. Help!”
Here’s a thought, kiddos: Buy them on Amazon! Or… have a little more fun with your online shopping and subscribe to CupidQuiver, a monthly condom subscription service (like Birchbox for beauty products, BarkBox for doggie goods, or HelloFresh for recipes, this is a box for sex) that delivers you condoms before you need them. What CupidQuiver offers that Amazon doesn’t are fun little extras like free lubes, little role play cards, sexy tips on using lube, and/or other miscellaneous product they decide to throw in for fun.
“Remember the Saturday Night Live skit, D**k in a Box? We like to think of ourselves as Sex in a Box,” quips Todd Harris, President of CupidQuiver, which launched in mid-March.
But in all seriousness, the beauty of what CupidQuiver provides is that they reliably deliver what you need before you need it. “The goal for our clients is to have fun, safely, and to always be prepared. Nothing is worse than getting intimate only to realize you are out of protection! Remembering condoms after-the-fact is not ideal,” says Harris.
Here’s how it works: You choose the type of ID Condoms condom that you want: Studded, Extra Thin, Extra Large, or Superior Feel Lubricated. Then you choose your package: No Strings Attached (1 condom for $1 plus $2 shipping and handling), Friends with Benefits (3 condoms for $5), Singles Mingle (6 condoms plus 1 ID lube for $7), or Lucky You (10 condoms plus 1 lube for $10). The latter three packages include shipping and handling. And, you can easily change your subscription based on how fast or slow your sex life is moving.
Harris tells Sexpert.com that they are shooting for a late-July launch of curated “Fun Boxes.” “They will include sex toys, more tips, and other bedroom goodies,” he says.
For most guys, their hand, some lotion, and a little privacy is all they need for a successful masturbation session. Hell, sometimes the lotion isn’t even needed… or the privacy for that matter. The point being – men are simpler than women when it comes to getting off.
But the problem is, in their simplicity, they often miss out on some great masturbation toys because they think they don’t need it, which is why we’re dedicating this article for May’s Masturbation Month to male masturbation devices.
You see, in my not-so-humble experience, most men don’t realize how amazing masturbation – either solo or mutual masturbation sessions with a partner – can be with the aid some of the fancy toys out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 men I’ve been with have never used a stroker, a fake pussy, or any other masturbation device on the market. They think it’s “weird” or “unnecessary.” But, when I spring one on them, let’s just say: Masturbation. Game. Changer!
Guys, if you’re still shaking your head “no,” just read with an open mind. Ladies, these items make for great gift ideas for your man.
Guybrator – Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo
You might have heard about this on Saturday Night Live, but Hot Octopuss’ PULSE, the world’s first Guybrator, is no joke. The male masturbator was featured on SNL when the savvy London-based sex toy company erected a “GuyFi” booth in NYC for men to “self-soothe” as a marketing stunt in January 2016. The stunt created insane brand awareness for the award-winning product and increased visitors to their website from 1,000 to 20,000 in just three hours following the event.
What’s unique about the PULSE II Solo (their male-only toy for $99) is that is uses oscillation technology instead of vibration. “We’ve created a high amplitude, deep basey vibration, which is better for stimulating men. The regular vibration used in female toys works great for women, but not for men,” says co-founder/inventor Adam Lewis.
PULSE can be used in two ways: With lubricant and without. With lubricant, the man lubricates his penis, inserts it into the unit, and masturbates with the device. Or, he can insert his penis into the toy without lubricant, turn the toy on, and, as Lewis puts it “it finishes him off without having to do anything whatsoever. So it’s the lazy toy in that respect.”
It’s also great for men with erectile dysfunction issue. “We discovered that men can actually orgasm completely flaccid. For example, if a man suffers from prostate cancer and he no longer can get an erection, he would’ve probably given up masturbating because it’s like pulling on a rubber string. However, he can use PULSE completely flaccid and still achieve an orgasm. Or it’s good for a man suffering from erectile dysfunction who just has a hard time getting an erection, this can help him get one,” adds Lewis.
Also, be sure to check out their couples’ toy as well – the PULSE II Duo ($139). The toy is worn by him, but provides vibrations on both sides to pleasure both partners.
There was clearly a demand for robot that can blow you because when founder/creator Brian Sloan set a goal of $275,000 for his Autoblow 2, they ended up raising $318,000 instead. More than 100,000 units at about $159.95 a pop of this robotic oral sex simulator for men have been sold since it debuted in 2014, and the demand is so high that they even released an Autoblow 2.
What’s the fuss? It’s hands’ free, has several speeds, and can go up until 1,000 hours or until “your dick falls off,” as Sloan says in their hilarious how-to video. “The Autoblow 2+ is more powerful and we added an extra row of beads plus covered the springs which used to wear away at the sleeves. We made a new sleeve with Real Doll to give guys something nicer to look at than the relatively strange looking mouth we created,” says Sloan.
We’ve covered oral and hands, now let’s talk anal. LELO reports that with prostate stimulation, the size of the male orgasm can increase by 33% and prolonged use of prostate massage can help alleviate symptoms of erectile dysfunction.
The company offers three vibrating prostate massagers: Hugo ($219), Bruno ($169), and Loki ($169). They’re like the three little bears of prostate massagers – Hugo’s the most powerful with its hands-free feature and 8 settings for the more experienced man, Bruno’s somewhere in the middle, and Loki, which is hand-held for manual stimulation, is better suited for the beginner.
“Although the prostate can be reached with fingers it’s near impossible to do solo without the aid of a tool,” says Sunny Megatron, sex educator and host of “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” “If you have a partner to help with the massage it can be very stressful on their fingers, hands, and wrists making it difficult to maintain for long periods. Massagers not only make things easier in that regard, the vibration also gives more pleasure options than a stationary object.”
If your boyfriend or husband travels a lot and has a wondering eye, this is the perfect gift for him. Why have him be tempted by the prostitute in the hotel lobby bar on that business trip when you can send him off with Nasstoy’s Travel Pump? It’s a compact travel kit ($50) with two interchangeable bases (one for suction like a BJ and one with a vagina base for sex simulation) in three powerful suction settings, as well as 4 cock rings and a discrete zippered shaving kit-style carrying bag. Remember, for better suction results, shave your pubic hair!
If you don’t want to spend a lot of money or dive into the more complex items, there’s a bevy of simple strokers available for $10-$20. Doc Johnson’s Mood Pleaser masturbators, for instance, comes in a very artsy shape with four distinct internal textures (massage beads, thin ribbed, zigzag, and thick ribbed) and four stylish colors (frost, purple, blue, and orange).
My favorite stroker to enhance my BJ game is Doc Johnson’s GoodHead Helping Head ($12). It’s a 2-inch mini-stroker that I use to stroke my partner’s penis as I’m giving him head. It makes my “job” a lot easier. You can use these with lube or without, but it’s better with! This is a great intro toy to the guy who is sex-toy-shy.
Online dating is hard enough for anyone. But it’s even harder for those living with a sexually transmitted disease. In the fast-paced, ADD-afflicted digital dating era that we are in having an STD is just one more reason to get ghosted or dumped faster than you can ask, “Do you have a condom?” Luckily, there’s an app for that. In honor of April’s STD Awareness Month, we bring you four great dating sites specifically for people with STDs.
Hope: Hope is a dating website and app for singles living with HIV, HPV, and Herpes. “Gone are the days when you had to quit dating just because you’d been diagnosed with an sexually transmitted disease. Hope is certainly a ray of hope for all those who are under the impression that STDs could mark an end to their love life,” states the site. The app includes the typical dating app features, such as matchmaking, a SpeedMatch swiping option, chatting, Facebook connect, and a proximity search, as well as the ability to exchange virtual gifts.
POZ Personals: POZ.com is the fastest growing online website for people affected by HIV/AIDS, as well as an award-wining print magazine. While the site does have the popular POZ Personals for finding romantic partners, it’s also a general online community for those living with HIV to connect and support each other and to keep up on the latest medical news and HIV/AIDS-related events and initiatives. POZ Personals has 150,000 members nationwide.
PositiveSingles: With just over 1 million members, PositiveSingles is the No. 1 STD and Herpes dating site and mobile app for people with Herpes (HSV-1, HSV-2), HPV, HIV/AIDS, and Hepatitis. Their description of “Tinder-style dating app for STD singles” is spot-on in both the look of the app and user experience. Members can even search for partners with their exact disease and it gets as specific as identifying as HSV-1 (herpes type 1, usually cold sore) or HSV-1 (herpes type 1, usually genitals). Along with the aforementioned diseases, you can also identify as having syphilis, gonorrhea, thrush, or chlamydia. The app is free to download and connect with locals, but memberships allow users more flexibility and features. Memberships cost $33.99 for one month, $69.99 for three months, and $109.99 for six months.
Hzone: Hzone is another Tinder-like dating app for iPhone only right now geared toward people who are HIV positive. Features include a QuickMatch option, a location-based algorithm, and a cool diary section to share your feelings, updates on your life, and photos. While the app is free, VIP Memberships cost $24.99 for one month, $44,95 for three months, and $74.95 for six months to connect and chat with anyone in the app without restrictions.
Men certainly obsess over their penises more than woman do their breasts. Is it big enough? Is it long enough? Are my balls weird looking? Let me let you into a little secret: We don’t really care what your penis looks like. We care about what you do with it (and your oral and hand skills too) and how you treat us.
Still, there are some common issues that we have with your junk. But the good news is, resourceful women find a way around them. Here’s what we found…
Though it’s the first thing we notice about your penis, size doesn’t really matter to most women. In fact, researchers at UCLA reported that 84% of women feel “very satisfied” with their partner’s penis size. But, many women don’t like a penis that is too big or too small.
“His penis was about 10-inches long and very girthy. My first thought was not, ‘Wow. I’m a lucky lady.” It was, ‘Shit! How am I going to get this thing in my mouth and will it hurt my vagina?!’ Big is not always better. But, with a lot of foreplay to warm me up and lube, we worked it out,” says Lyndsey, 32.
On the flip side, Tina, 38, had a hard time adjusting to a below-average penis. (Studies show that the average penis size is 5.1-5.8 inches erect.) “It was so short and thin that I would’ve broken up with him over it if he hadn’t been good at oral and sex toys… and he was a great guy, so we made it work,” she says.
While Sean, 34, feels “blessed” to have had a “decent selection” of cock over the years, one penis threw him for a loop – literally. “It was so crooked it looked like a candy cane. I didn’t know what to do with it – lick it like a candy cane? We still had fun though, it just made me stop and go, ‘Whoa.'”
Like Sean, Lisa, 29, was also dumbfounded when she came eye to eye with her first curved penis. “It was weird. I didn’t know what to do with it! It curved way down. It didn’t turn me off, but I wish he said something or warned me. I did some research and apparently a curvature like that is good for doggy style, so I’ll be ready when I see him next.”
That said, if your curvature prohibits you from having sex, it could be Peyronie’s disease and a trip to your urologist is a must.
With a whopping 80% of men in the U.S. circumcised, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it’s no wonder that many women are stunned when they come head to head with a whole lotta foreskin for the first time.
“I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m a little weirded-out by uncircumcised penises,” says Janet, 45. “The problem is that I wasn’t sure what to do with it. Do I pull it down before I put it in my mouth? It needs to come with an instruction manual or guys need to realize it’s sometimes confusing to women and maybe they can show or tell us what to do.”
The other problem, women report, is the fear of what’s lurking under all that foreskin, such as fuzz and lint or that white sticky substance known as smegma. If she’s grossed out, tell her that smegma is “completely sterile,” says Dr. Brian Steixner, MD, the director of the Institute for Men’s Health at Jersey Urology Group.
“It’s just a naturally produced substance a combination of shed skin cells, oil from skin, and some moisture. But, guys do need to wipe it down with a warm washcloth before sex and clean it in the shower regularly,” adds Dr. Steixner.
The debate over pubic hair rages on. But one thing is certain: No one likes a full bush. But, to be bald or not to be bald? That is the still the lingering question. Most women we spoke to do not find a totally hairless sack attractive… and here’s why.
“I don’t like it. I get distracted. And then I think, ‘If he’s obsessed with his hair there is he judging mine right now?’ If we started dating, would he be OCD with the dishes and other things?” says Candace, 31.
When in doubt, err on the side of caution and give your junk a nice 5 o’clock shadow instead – neatly trimmed was the consensus in Is Pubic Hair Making a Comeback?
Just like you don’t enjoy going down on a foul-smelling vagina, we don’t like having a rank rod in our face. “My mouth is not going anywhere near anything that smells gamey,” says Janet, or, really, says every woman.
It’s simple guys: Wash up before you get down. Yes, this might mean you need to take a time-out in the throws of passion to duck into the bathroom to clean your cock. But, trust me, she’ll appreciate it. “The quickest way to wash your penis is with soap and water, but remember to rinse well so that your dick doesn’t taste like soap,” says Dr. Steixner.
Everyone is doing it, so you mind as well learn how to take a good shot. But, before we get started, the first rule of thumb is to only send one to someone who asked for it. Most women don’t appreciate an unsolicited photo of your cock.
While it used to be considered a crass, immature thing that only Tinder users do as a 20-something booty-call tactic, the truth is that there are a rising number of committed couples that have realized the power of sexting with their mate. And, while sexting doesn’t have to include naked photos, it’s a nice way to get your partner in the mood…if you do it right!
A prime example of an epic fail on this front comes from one of my friends who has been married for over 10 years. She and her husband started sexting each other to spice things up. It’s actually good foreplay, especially if you sext during the day to get him excited to come home and, well, come with you.
Unfortunately, my friend’s husband made a few critical mistakes. His first mistake taking the photo in the bathroom with the toilet seat up and not flushed. When he tried again, some of their kids’ toys were in the background. Toilets and children didn’t exactly get her hot and heavy.
Taking a good dick pic is such a “thing” now that there’s even a New York photographer who is making a business out of it. Soraya Doolbaz, who calls herself “a professional dick photographer,” takes the traditional dick pic up a notch by creating little costumes from doll outfits and personalities for her male models. Her “Dicture Gallery” features guys’ penises dressed up as everything from Napoleon Boner Parte to Dongye West to Adolf Clit Tickler. She even exhibited her photographs at the world-famous Art Basil in Miami last year.
If you don’t want to go that far, just follow these simple tips for your own dick selfies…
Trim the Trunk
Proper grooming is always the first best step to anything sex or genital related. Make sure you’re trimmed up nicely… unless full bush is truly your thing. But, if it is, please remember that most women don’t dig the ’70s bush.
Edit the Scene
Just like setting the scene for Skype sex, it’s important to be aware of your background. It’s more about what you don’t want to show – the toilet, dirty towels, toothbrushes, kid or pet toys, and clutter, etc. If you take the shot in a mirror, look what’s in the reflection and edit out anything that is not sexy.
Consider Your Privacy
If you are afraid of getting hacked or confused about how can get into your Cloud, it’s perfectly fine to send a photo that doesn’t show your face. In fact, some women find it sexier…even if you have a handsome mug. “My boyfriend sent me a dick pic once with his full body and face in it and the look on his face just cracked me up. He was trying too hard to look sexy for the camera, that it kind of backfired. Just a pic of his junk would’ve been hot enough,” says Rachel, 35.
Use a Filter
A well-lit penis can make the difference between a reaction of “ewww” and “ooohhh!” If you can’t figure out the best lighting for your Johnson, then make good use of filters on your phone. A great filter can help diminish the look of veins, uneven skin color, and even slight blemishes. Black and white is a cool way to go as well.
“A guy I had been talking to sent me a dick pic. The part of his penis that is always exposed was one color – slightly grayish. But, the extended part when he got hard was a nice pink color. I was grossed out by the two-tone,” says Sara, 27.
Position the Pole
The right angle can make your penis look larger. You need to take a lot of test shots from different angles to find your key position. Do a solo photo shoot to figure this out and then have the images saved for when the time comes that a penis pic is requested. If you want to show off your length and girth, put a water bottle in the shot.
Lying down in bed is the sexiest because then every time he says he’s going to bed, I’ll have that image in my head. And, it makes me think that he’s lying there about to jerk off to me, which is super flattering. It’s a great visual. I can’t get my guy’s pic out of mind and I look at it often. The head sticking out of her cool boxers is another way to go.
All right guys, your penis is now ready for its close-up!
Love signals are often hard to see or interpret. For instance, if she’s staring in your eyes and hanging on your every word, does it mean she’s romantically interested in you? Perhaps. Or, it just means she’s a good listener and you’re a good talker. But, when it comes to sexier signals – especially related to man’s best friend, the boobs – all reasoning seems to go out the window.
Men are obsessed with breasts. That’s why when a woman accidentally brushes them with her knockers, wears a plunging neckline, or dares to shimmy her assets anywhere near their eyesight, they wonder, “Is she flirting with me? Did she do that on purpose?” My male friends often come to me with these tales and ask me to help decipher the signs for them.
I’m here to demystify what her boobs may, or may not, be trying to relay to you.
The Boob Brush
Her Story: Nine times out of 10, when a woman passes by you and brushes her boobs up against you, it’s really not what you hope it is. “As a waitress, I’ve accidentally clocked a guy in the head with my breasts when I was bending down to put his plate down,” says Meghan, 27.
Hairdressers and masseuses do it all the time as well. “I never do it on purpose, but it does happen and sometimes the guy will then start to get flirty with me because he’s thinking I did it for him. But, I did it once on purpose to a guy in a bar to get his attention, so I can see how guys would get confused,” says Lisa, 17.
What To Do: It can be confusing. That’s why you need another sign combined with the tit-ilating contact to truly take it as a green light to flirt. “Try striking up a conversation, smile and flirt and if she does the same back then that’s a better sign that she’s interested,” says Julie Spira, founder of Cyberdating.com.
My advice is to break the ice with this: “Well, your boobs and my arm have met; maybe I should introduce myself. Hi, I’m Carl.” “If you aren’t sure, it’s probably best to not respond right away; you don’t want to come off creepy,” says relationship coach Marni Battista, founder of DatingWithDignity.com.
But, naturally, it can also mean, she’s just yawning and not aware that she’s sticking her boobs out in the process.
What To Do: Pay attention to the other non-verbal moves she makes. “Sometimes a stretch is just a stretch. Don’t assume she likes you… unless she looks you in the eyes or smiles. If she does that, say something flirty like, ‘Looks like you could use a coffee’ or
Is it yoga time?'” says Spira.
The Plunging Neckline
Her Story: Sometimes showing a lot of cleavage and wearing a highly provocative outfit means she is hoping her date will advance to the next level. “If I have a hot date and want to get laid, of course, I’m going to wear something sexy, show a lot of cleavage,” says Chrissy, 35. Other times, as with Joanna, 39, it’s simply about fashion. “I just like V-necks. That’s it. Period. I’m not trying to fuck you every time I show cleavage,” she says.
What To Do: This one is tricky. “Women know that men undress them with their eyes, so it could mean a hook-up is on her mind,” says Spira. Or, it means she’s just confident. “She’s not always screaming for attention. It can just be confidence in herself and her sexuality,” says sex therapist Chris Donaghue, Ph.D. Cleavage aside, another non-verbal cue to look for is to see if her body is turned toward you and leaning in as you talk, says Dr. Donaghue.
The Boob Job Reference
Her Story: Many assume that when a woman invests in $10,000 boob job that she’s looking for compliments. And, that can be true. “Yes, I want compliments! Absolutely,” laughs Michelle, 32, who got her breasts augmented to a size 34DD. Some women even bring up the fact that they got a boob job. So, is that an invitation to say, “nice tits?” Not quite.
What To Do: If a woman actually acknowledges her breast augmentation on her own, a polite compliment might be expected. “A guy on a first date said to me, ‘You have such a classic figure.” I liked that. If he said, ‘Nice tits!” it would’ve been a turn-off,” says Michelle.
But, keep in mind, many women who get boob jobs, get it for them. “Although it’s attractive to you too, women don’t always need your validation. Getting a boob job is fairly common and shouldn’t make you think that a woman is promiscuous or needing attention or that it’s okay to make a comment about them,” says Battista.
Do you know how to train your throat not to gag? Do you know what is even more sensitive than the head of the penis? Well, neither did I until I took Chris and Larkin’s “Blow Jobs & Beyond” workshop at The Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood, California, last week. If you don’t know what to get your man for Valentine’s Day, give him the gift of the perfect blowjob! Here are some of Chris and Larkin’s best tips…
Give Him a Nice View
Guys are visual creatures. The first step is to dress up for his Valentine’s Day blowjob. Wear lingerie or whatever he finds you sexiest in. Next, find the right position that gives him a view of your favorite assets. If he’s a butt guy, give him a view of your ass by lying on your stomach facing down to service him.
Or, if he’s a boobs guy, have him sit on the bed or stand while you are on your knees in your best push-up bra. “Don’t forget eye contact,” says Chris, who not only teaches classes at The Pleasure Chest but is also founder of GoFraternize.org, which is a community for “guys who like guys.”
I personally like to have my fingernails nice and long and painted because a boyfriend once told me he loved how his cock looked in my hand.
Worship His Cock
Enthusiasm is the most important trait of a great blowjob. You see, men love their penises. They want you love their penises as well. If you love him, love his cock. Tell him it’s beautiful. Tell him you can’t wait to devour it. He needs to feel like it’s not a “job” for you.
“It’s empowering because it’s his prized possession,” says Chris. I could not agree more. And, as Larkin pointed out during the seminar, Samantha on Sex and the City once said, “Maybe you’re on your knees, but you got him by the balls!”
If you truly don’t love sucking dick, well, don’t do anything you don’t want to. But, try to give it a go, girls… especially for Valentine’s Day!
Now, this is a new tip to me! If your guy is itching to have you deep-throat him, but your gag reflect just won’t allow it, you can actually train your natural gag reflex to not be so sensitive.
Here’s how: “Every day when you brush your teeth, brush the back of your tongue and go further back each time until you get used it,” advises Larkin.
I’m on Day 7 of Deep Throat Training and it’s going well. I’ll think I’ll be ready by Valentine’s Day!
Don’t Forget The Frenulum
I always knew the tip of the penis was the most sensitive, but I didn’t know that the frenulum – the V-shaped ridge part of the head also called the “sweet spot” – is specifically the most sensitive. “Using your tongue in different ways on his frenulum. You can use the flat part of your tongue and then the pointy tip of your tongue. You can lick, suck, and blow on it, or try an ice cube,” says Chris.
Give Your Mouth a Rest
You are bound to give a better blowjob if you are comfortable and not stuck doing one monotonous thing over and over. “No one wants to spend 20 minutes straight sucking dick in one position. You want to mix it up by using toys, your mouth, and your hand. 80% of a good blowjob is a good handjob,” says Larkin.
Using an open-ended masturbation sleeve is a fun way to mix it up. This way you can be sucking and licking the tip of his penis while jerking him off with the sleeve. The Pleasure Chest’s Better Blowjob Kit includes a sleeve, a flavorful lube (to either help prevent dry mouth while sucking or to use for an easier handjob), and a vibrating cock ring to give him some extra fun down under.
My favorite BJ product is Doc Johnsons’ GoodHead Wet Head dry mouth spray in sweet strawberry. You’ll never have to worry about not having enough saliva again!
Remember the first time you had phone sex? It was kind of awkward, wasn’t it? Take that awkwardness and multiple it by 100 and that’s how most people feel when they try Skype sex for the first time. Lucky for you, I’ve agreed to be your sexual guinea pig and I have worked out the kinks in advance.
Skype sex is not only a great way to stay connected when your partner lives in another city or is on a long business trip, but it can also enhance your sex life even if your relationship isn’t geographically hindered.
For example, you know how it’s sometimes easier to bring up sensitive subjects on the phone than in person? Well, the same goes for talking about sex. “Some people are more comfortable talking about sexual needs or showing their partner things with the barrier of the screen that you might not feel comfortable doing in person yet. You can add remote control toys to this as well,” says Dr. Emily Morse, host of SexWithEmily.com.
And, Skype sex is essentially a mutual masturbation session, which is a great activity to add to your sex play to spice things up. “Masturbating in front of each other is a great way to learn about your partner’s needs, and it’s very sexy. Doing it via Skype first can help make for a smooth transition if your partner is uncomfortable to do this together in person,” says Marriage and Family Therapist Moushumi Ghose, author of Classic Sex Positions Reinvented.
Sure, spontaneity is a great thing. But, for your first Skype sex session, I recommend setting a date for it so that you can set it up properly. Once you get one successful session under your belt, then you can go with the flow a little more.
Step 2 – Light It Up!
Use warm lighting so that you have a beautiful glow. You can achieve this by putting a scarf over a lamp, dimming the lights if they are on a dimmer, changing the bulb from a white one to a soft yellow or even pink, or lighting your bedroom with a ton of candles. Harsh lighting can make the veins in your penis pop out or the blemishes on your face stand out.
Step 3 – Design Your Set
The best, and most obvious, place to set your laptop up is on your bed. You’ll want to set design your bedroom, though, like you’re setting a scene for your own personal porno. Make sure the bed is made and the pillows are fluffed up. Your nightstand should be clear of clutter and junk – and free of photos of your kids, family, or pets. I light some incense because the smoke wafting through the air gives my bedroom a sexy, parlor vibe. Lock your door so your kids or pets can’t come in.
Step 4 – Dress Up
Men need only to make sure they are manscaped and not wearing dirty socks. But women should do their hair, makeup, and dress in something that is sure to drive him crazy.
Step 5 – Do a Dry Run
This is the most important step. The first time I had Skype sex with an out-of-town boyfriend, I did a dry run – pun intended – with a girlfriend. No, I didn’t actual masturbate or get naked with her. But, I did test-drive the technology with my set-up in full swing. I was camera-ready with full hair, make-up, and Victoria’s Secret lingerie. My bedroom was staged with incense, wine, and candles and, for me, no cat toys in sight!
With my trusty pal on the other side of the computer screen, she told me if my make-up looked good or needing some touching up, how far away from the camera was optimal so that it wasn’t a gynecological visit but was enough for him to see the goods, and what masturbation positions looked best – on my knees sitting up seemed to work the best.
I also practiced how to stay in the frame and how to focus on him instead of looking at myself in the corner camera, which is a rookie mistake. Yes, we giggled through it a bit, but it was worth it.
Guys might not be as willing to do a dry run with a friend on the other side of the camera, but more power to you if you do! Instead, you can check your own cock-to-camera distance on your own by simply looking at yourself in the upper right hand corner of the screen before you go live with your partner.
Step 6 – Action!
Now that you’ve set up the perfect Skype sex session, here are some more tips on getting down in dirty in front of the camera. Be vocal (i.e., talk dirty, moan and groan, and give your partner encouragement, even if it feels silly at first). Make eye contact with him. Resist the temptation to keep looking at yourself to make sure you look good. And, most important, have some fun with it! You can even add remote control toys to the mix, such as the We-Vibe 4 Plus vibrator with the remote control app.
It used to be that people cheated because they couldn’t keep it in their pants, were unhappy in their relationships, or just bored with their partners. Well, that’s just part of the infidelity puzzle. Some doctors are saying that another factor can be genetics.
A few research studies, including the much-talked about 2014 study by Brendan P. Zietsch, a psychologist at the University of Queensland, Australia, showed that people who cheated had a certain variant of vasopressin, a hormone that is associated with attachment and bonding. The research shows that this might be one contributing genetic factor to infidelity.
Psychotherapy, sex therapy, and even spiritual work (whether it’s medication or faith-based), has long been the path to work on marriages plagued by infidelity. However, some prominent doctors, such as John Gray, PhD., author of Men Are from Mars, Women are From Venus, and Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, psychotherapist and author of Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love, have also been using supplemental therapy to help their patients remain faithful. And, it’s working…for them. It should be noted, that it is a controversial practice with little to no scientific backing and not meant to be the “cure to infidelity.”
“Your brain chemicals can be changed to help stop an affair or not want an affair,” says Dr. Eaker Weil. “This really takes a little bit of the stigma and emotional pain out of an affair. I’m not excusing it, but I tell my patients, ‘Listen it’s not entirely in your control.'” Of course, you can’t blame cheating solely on your genes, which is why a combination of psychotherapy with supplements and lifestyle changes is really what the doctors’ are ordering here.
It’s not entirely unlike using St. John’s Wart to help with depression, valerian root to help with anxiety, and supplements to aid in your workouts.
The first step, though, is to find out if there is a chemical imbalance is at play here. ” Some M.D.s will do blood, urine, and/or saliva tests for adrenals, dopamine, serotonin, vasopressin, etc., to see if you do have a chemical imbalance and then can advise you on which supplements are needed to help balance any imbalances out,” she says.
The most impressive and fast acting supplement, according to both, is low dose lithium orotate, which is more commonly also used to treat a variety of issues, anxiety and depression. “It’s all natural and has no side effects. Within days most people notice improved mood, focus, motivation, and low stress. For maximum benefit it’s best combined with therapy along with vitamins B6, D3, K2 and Omega 3,” says Dr. Gray.
Dr. Eaker Weil says that the main reason lithium orotate is so powerful in her practice is because it stimulates oxytocin – the cuddle hormone that makes you feel safe and bonded. “It helps simmer down the vasopressin. I’ve seen it stop the craving for adultery in my practice,” she says. In her couples counseling, she prescribes this supplement to both partners to help them reconnect and reignite their bond. She uses it in conjunction with the prescription oxytocin pill.
Other supplements Gray and Eaker Weil have used include L-theanine, derived from tealeaves, and rhodiola. “Both help to calm and reduce stress, which balances you, grounds you, gives you clarity, and in turn helps with therapy and stopping the need for cheating. Rhodiola also helps with fatigue. We all know that stress and fatigue are contributing factors to infidelity,” says Eaker Weil.
It should be noted that, that “there is no scientific evidence to support treating people with medications or supplements to prevent infidelity,” as one expert in the field who wishes to remain anonymous points out.