Sexual Fantasies & Role-Playing

What is a Sexual Fantasy?

Welcome to Loveology University’s Video Course on Sexual Fantasy – Sexual Fantasies & Role-Playing Video Course. Fantasies are the imagination’s desires, fears and drives that a person experiences as a sequence or a brief visual flash.  Sexual or erotic fantasies are specific because of their sexual content and/or intention

Is Having a Sexual Fantasy Normal?

Having a sexual fantasy is completely normal and healthy, even if the fantasy itself may seem way out there, weird, or even extreme.  We don’t have control over our subconscious mind or the sexual triggers that stimulate our brain sexually.  In fact, many fantasies are fantasies in the first place because they are naughty, forbidden, and even dangerous.

Sexual fantasies are completely safe to play out in the privacy of your own mind.  Remember a fantasy is just that, and not necessarily something you would really want to try out in real life.

Most Sexperts agree that sexual fantasies are natural and can help people become more orgasmic.  As long as you don’t become obsessed with a sexual fantasy, then having sexual fantasies are a positive way to learn more about your own desires.

The Pros and Cons of Having a Sexual Fantasy


  • Add spice to your love life
  • Create new memories
  • Find interests you didn’t know you had
  • Step outside of your comfort zone
  • Discover your boundaries
  • Improve communication
  • Be playful


  • Overstepping your lover’s boundaries
  • Guilt or shame
  • Using it as an emotional weapon
  • Becoming addicted
  • Using it to avoid intimacy
  • Hurting yourself or someone else

Should I Act Upon My Sexual Fantasy?

It is safe to explore sexual fantasies in the privacy of your own mind, or even with a partner whom you trust during role playing.  It can be incredibly exciting and rewarding experience to share your fantasy with your lover and make your fantasies come true.

As children we learn to fantasize, play games and act out fantasies.  When we become adults, many of us lose the ability to play.  Acting out fantasies and role-playing can create greater trust and intimacy between partners as well as help them to achieve a more sexually fulfilling and exciting sexual life.

Dr. Ava Cadell says, “When couples role play together and act out each other’s fantasies, they gain a better understanding of what the other wants, needs, desires and fears. Role-playing sexual fantasies are healthy, fun and natural for couples dating or for those in a committed relationship of any orientation. Fantasies can rekindle passion, raise a diminished libido, boost intimacy, are an exciting avenue of escape, heighten enjoyment of sex, open you up to new activities and can turn sex into adult play.”

However, be sure that you know the person with whom you want to share your fantasy very well, and that you trust them completely not to shame you, criticize you, demean you or share your secret.  Also, while this may seem obvious, don’t play out a sexual fantasy that is NOT legal, safe, sane and consensual.  Playing out sexual fantasies needs to be fun so nobody gets hurt.

How to Talk About Your Sexual Fantasies with Your Lover

If you feel you want to share your sexual fantasies with your lover but don’t know how, simply ask them if they have any sexual fantasies they would like to try and/or tell them you would like share your own.  If your partner is responsive, then be sure to share your fantasies together in a caring, considerate manner, and not to judge each other.

Sexual Fantasies Bucket List

You can start out by each of you writing down your Sexual Fantasies Bucket List.  Basically, you each write out your top 5 to 10 sexual fantasies on scraps of paper, then go through them and put them in piles of Yes!, Maybe?, and No, this is a limit.  Then discuss with your partner which ones you may like to act out.

BDSM Checklist

For ideas on sexual fantasies of a more kinky nature you can download a BDSM checklist from the internet to go over together, check yes, no, maybe beside each role-playing fantasy.  Remember to also read up on safety issues when playing with BDSM so nobody gets hurt.

Sexual Fantasy Role-Playing Cards or Games

“You can discover these sex games from this guide at The School of Squirt.”

You can also buy sexual fantasy Role-Playing Cards or Adult Fantasy Games from an adult novelty store to explore fantasies with together in a safe, fun way.

Here are some of the top sexual fantasies for men and women to wet your erotic appetite!

Women’s Top 10 Sexual Fantasies

The following is a list of the most common female sexual fantasies.  Many of these were taken from the ground-breaking book by Nancy Friday called “My Secret Garden” published in 1998. Friday has researched and collected women’s sexual fantasies for over thirty years and has published three books on the subject.

  1. Surrender of Control or Being Submissive

This is a kind of “rape” or “being taken” fantasy.  In it, the “victim” can surrender control to her captor and become an object of desire.  She doesn’t have to tell him her unspoken desires.  She doesn’t need to break taboos and become the “bad” girl, for she is not responsible for her actions and therefore can be relieved of any sexual guilt.  If you are held down or are tied up, you are not in control of what happens to you. So, you still remain a “good girl” even during the naughtiest of sex.

Researchers from the University of North Texas found that 62% of women have rape fantasies. According to another study entitled “Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Empirical Evaluation of the Major Explanations”, women fantasize about rape as a form of “sexual blame avoidance.” The theory goes that socially women are taught not to be promiscuous, so “rape” fantasies allow them to not be responsible for their sexual desires, and therefore they can fantasize about hot sex guilt free.

Being submissive in one form or another was the biggest fantasy in Friday’s books for women.  Whether it was a “surrender of control,” a rape fantasy, or being a sex slave like Anastasia in “Fifty Shades”, women still want to be in the role where the man is in control, at least in the bedroom.

  1. Girl on Girl Sex.

Fantasizing about or actually participating in sex with another woman does not automatically make you a lesbian.  Lesbianism is a sexual orientation.  But, fantasizing about being with another woman may be sexually arousing to some women, regardless of their sexual orientation.  They may be curious about what it would be like, interested in sharing intimacy with a body similar to their own, find it hot and taboo, or find a woman more soft, sensual and romantic than a man. For whatever reasons, lesbian fantasies are very popular with women.

3. Sex with a Stranger

If you have sex with a total stranger whom you will never see again you can be openly sexual without fear of being labeled.  The anonymity of this fantasy reduces the relationship to a “purely physical one” says Friday, “[While] it heightens romance and adds drama; it increases pleasure and eliminates guilt, fantasy’s enemy.”  No strings attached, no worries about ever meeting in person, no STDs or unwanted pregnancies, your imagination is the only limit and almost anything could happen.

  1. Past Experiences or Partners

If it worked in the past, it is likely to work again, at least in your mind.  Remembering a special or unusual sexual experience can be very arousing.  Sometimes it is fantasizing about what you could have done or what you wished had happened during a previous situation that excites you.  Perhaps a previous partner was really amazing at sex and that’s what makes you hot.  Remembering your “wilder days” can add spice to a humdrum sex life.  And, just because you are having a fantasy about someone else, this doesn’t mean you are cheating.  It is only when you act out that fantasy in real life that you cross that line.

  1. Bad Girls

Bad girls have hot naughty sex.  Women who are “good girls” in real life may like to imagine what it is like to be openly sexual.  They may fantasize that they are a prostitute, a stripper, or any women who is “required” to be sexual as part of her identity.  Maybe she is a wild and free biker chick who takes part in an orgy, or a sexy Rock Star with many groupies who all want a piece of her.  Your imagination is the only limit!

  1. Being Sexually Desirable

There are very few women who do not desire to be found attractive by someone.  In her fantasies one person or an entire football stadium full of people can find a woman attractive.  A woman can choose to look or dress in any manner she chooses.  She can be nude or provocatively dressed in public.  Her mannerism can be blatantly sexual.  Perhaps by doing so she wins the attentions of a famous or powerful person.

  1. Romantic Sex

Women often fantasize about being seduced and carried away on horseback, or the equivalent there of.  These fantasies may not include penetration and oral sex, but they are sexually arousing nevertheless.  Book publishers make millions of dollars from selling romance novels that are full of sexual scenes, or romantic sex.  Romance novels are to women what Playboy is to men, sexual stimulation.  Romantic fantasies are a traditional form of fantasy that is safe as long as a woman does not confuse her fantasies with reality.

  1. Being in Charge

According to Nancy Friday, as women have taken on an increasingly dominant role in our society, more women are taking a dominate role in their sex lives. They are calling the shots and controlling what happens. They may selflessly use men and women for their pleasure, at least in their fantasies. No more damsels in distress for these women; they are the heroine of their fantasies. These fantasies allow women to explore the role of being the dominant person during sex. They get what they want, using whatever means it takes.

  1. Pain & Pleasure

There is a thin line between pain and pleasure, and hormones released during sex and pain may blur that line considerably. The pain perceived during fantasies can be anything from the mild discomfort of a bare bottomed spanking for being naughty to being sexually tortured.  Sometimes the pain is punishment for being sexual, for being naughty.  Women who fantasize about being spanked or punished were often times not spanked or physically punished as a child; contrary to popular belief, though they may have fantasized about it during their childhood.

  1. Voyeurism & Exhibitionism

Women’s fantasies of watching or being watched take many forms.  Sometimes they are aroused by the idea of secretly watching their lover having sex with “the other woman,” or perhaps a prostitute.  Other times they are the ones on display, undressing in front of a window while a Peeping Tom ravishes them with his eyes, or performing sexually on a stage while an appreciative audience applauds, designating them to pure objects of desire.  Here, the desire to be watched is an objectifying one, where the women are turned into erotic objects under the “male” gaze.

Top 10 Male Sexual Fantasies

While sexual fantasy remains a unique aspect of our individuality and therefore can be vastly different from one person to the next, a brief tour of any of the thousands of porn sites will give you a pretty fair idea of the sort of things that constitute what is common among male sexual fantasies and the inner workings of the hetero male sexual psyche. Without question, the most common male sexual preoccupation, regardless of actual content, would fall under the heading of ‘variety’. Quite simply put, most men fantasize about women.

  1. Manage a Trios

Also know as a threesome usually between a man and two women, especially involving lesbian sex, and both women making love to each other and to him, has always been a top fantasy for many men.

  1. Fellatio

For many men, having their penis sucked by a willing and eager participant is the ultimate fantasy.  Men often fixate on body parts when having fantasies, and seeing their cock, or someone else’s in someone’s sexy mouth is always a big turn on.

  1. Getting Caught

Being caught having sex is a big fantasy for many people, not only men.  There is something about the forbidden-ness of having sex when someone can just walk in on you that is uber-sexy.

  1. Prostitution

This is similar to the bad girl sex scenario that women fantasize about.  Prostitutes are bad girls who will do anything in a man’s fantasy that they want, and they also are skilled at it.  Plus, there is the idea that by paying for it, you can fulfill any fantasy you want.

  1. Voyeurism

Few people would be able to keep themselves from watching a couple having sex if they were guaranteed not to get caught. The reason that voyeurism is a popular fantasy for men is that sex is private and mostly hidden.  Sure, we’ve seen couples do it on video, but it’s rare we get to see the real thing.

  1. Anal Sex

Anal sex is also often a taboo area and many guys fantasize about sodomy as the anal intruder, or the one experiencing anal pleasure.  Many fantasies are based upon things that in regular society are forbidden, dirty, or bad, and not too long ago anal sex was illegal even between married partners.  Today, as cultural morals change, anal sex is not as taboo as it used to be and many couples explore anal sex together, and even pegging, which is when a man gets anal sex from his female partner via a strap-on dildo.

  1. Women in Authority

Women in authority include: bitchy boss ladies, dominatrixes, teachers, nuns, doctors or nurses, mother figures, and wicked queens; all sexy scenarios that some men find very arousing.  Like the “loss of control” fantasy for women, having a woman use him as a sex slave allows him to give up control and be a total sex object without guilt.

  1. High Heels

High heels, panty-hose and legs feature high on the list of fantasy body parts.  There is something definitely sexy about a woman in stilettos and guys notice.  Foot and shoe fetishes are the most common type of fetish, so it stands to reason that it would be a popular fantasy among men.

  1. Dominance and Submission

Dominance and submission fantasies are popular with men as well as women.  These types of role-playing fantasies include being bound and helpless, to being dominated, or having a willing submissive pander to your every whim.

  1. Homosexual Encounters

Again, this fantasy is based on forbidden desires.  Men may also be curious about what it would be like in a same sex scenario, or be aroused by a body type similar to his own, one more masculine, muscular and raging with testosterone.

Sexual Fantasies & Role Playing Video Course

In this exclusive Sexual Fantasies & Role-Playing course, which includes a video slide show and downloadable PDF, as well as training videos including Penthouse Sex Academy, Fantasies hosted by Dr. Ava Cadell & Dr. Hernando Chaves, you will learn:

  • All about Sexual Fantasies & Role-Playing
  • What are Sexual Fantasies
  • Male Sexual Fantasies
  • Female Sexual Fantasies
  • Dangerous Sexual Fantasies
  • Illegal Sexual Fantasies
  • Somatization
  • Lack of Sexual Fantasies
  • Purpose and Reasons for Sexual Fantasies
  • Writing Your Sexual Fantasies
  • Fantasy Games
  • Fantasy Rules
  • Ideas for Sexual Fantasies
  • Confessions
  • Sexual Fantasies in Relationships

The video is just a small component of our comprehensive Certified Love Coach program that will teach you everything you need to know about sexual pleasure, arousal, orgasms, sexual anatomy, how to please and man and a woman, as well as how to overcome relationship obstacles and so much more.

Take a look at our Certified Love Coach program NOW to see all of the courses available when you sign up to become a Certified Love Coach!


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